Mentally and emotionally exhausted now, after I spent a few hours working on a timeline of, well, my life. My therapist suggested it a week ago, and I finally did it, and...

Hindsight is perfect, painfully so. Why did I have a mental / emotional collapse back in '06? Because I didn't trust the therapist I had at the time / went off my meds / was almost literally friendless / my internet use was highly limited so my primary way of de-stressing was almost gone / middle of Winter, when everything is worse.

Could I have prevented it? ...Maybe if I were who am I now, but back then - I don't know. I don't think so. Rereading my LJ entries and journal entries from the time show me to be painfully immature. (...likely I'll read this entry in a few years and think the same thing)

It has been worth doing. I remember some of '09 now, and '10, if imperfectly. Not that it's pleasant to go back and remember IRL events during some of the roughest years of my life - that's - it feels like it's an exaggeration, or that I'm getting melodramatic, but...from my POV, I was screwed up, in a bad place, and I'm just glad my thoughts never truly turned to suicide or self-harm - only escapism.

...

As for where I am now - I'm happy. I'm not in a perfect place, I still need to mature and get better at all kinds of things, but - I have the time and space for that, and most of all I'm happy, which is the most important thing.

I can't tell you guys how glad I am I know you. Some of you have literally kept me going, and I - I'm grateful.


(Now how likely is it that this'll go unnoticed, because I put it here instead of on tumblr, or twitter...? Ah well, who cares. It goes here. On DW, on LJ, because this silly thing has done so much for me.)

RL-wise - I think. I'm pretty sure I'm all done with school now. Unless there is a surprise 'DO THIS ONE MORE THING' I'm done. We'll get report cards/diploma within a few weeks, which is good.

So!

I can finally focus on important things now! Expect me to get back to writing and making icons and being more creative, because that's what I want to be doing.

utterlystrange is coming out in a week, I need to clean up my room, there are habits I need to get back into...

But really. I have my life back. I wasted at least ten years of my childhood to this thing called school, and now I can finally finally live without it.

I can rant extensively about school and how useless it is to me. But that's for another day. Today I am done. Today I am going to watch the baby barn swallows in their nest in our carport. We have a perfectly positioned window to watch them from, and you can see their little open mouths as mama and papa bird feed them. :3

Today I am also going to get a new laptop (bribery works, btw. Mom promised a laptop if I could at least get this diploma.) on our way to pick up Dad from the airport.

My dad? He's crazy at times. X3 His business trip to New Orleans let him call mom and me from a pub in the French Quarter where he was watching the World Cup. He drives me nuts at times, but he's a good guy.

Okay. I think I'm done rambling now. If I can I'll bring back photographs of the barn swallows today.

Dear Whoever-Is-Reading,

If you could restore my ability to write stories like this to me, I would appreciate it. I find it lovely to reread, even if I have writer's vision and can pick out any small errors.

Thank you,
zekkass.

P.S. While we're at it, please tell me what happened to darkangelhair, as she's been gone for a long time and I hope she's alright.

P.P.S. And please give my Grandpa good news when he sees the doctor again, cause Dad does not need this stress right now. Thanks.