{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka","title":"The Slayers League","subtitle":". . .a subsidiary of the Easy Bake Coven","author":{"name":"Yona Elka"},"link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"service.feed","type":"application\/x.atom+xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom","title":"The Slayers League"}}],"updated":"2007-06-13T23:25:56Z","entry":[{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:281169","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/281169.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=281169"}}],"title":"Right then.","published":"2007-06-13T23:24:19Z","updated":"2007-06-13T23:25:56Z","content":"Got to the car. Went to work. Came home. Didn't really notice anything different. Went down to the corner shop. Everyone's acting a bit funny; more pale and grunty than usual.

Jon's home. He keeps getting texts and calls from his friends. \"Haven't got any, haven't got any.\" Mom called, asked us if we were all right? Jon and I looked outside.

Fuck! Zombies!

Right. So we came up with a plan:

Go get Eric (the sexy cyclist). Go to the Winchester<\/s> 75th Street Brewery. Stay there until this all blows over.

Mom calls again. Dad's looking a bit paler.

Okay, new plan.

Go get Eric (sexy cyclist), go get mom and dad. Go to the pub. Everything blows over.

We thought it would work.

On the way to Eric's, ran into <\/a>happythermia<\/b><\/a><\/span> and husband Dave. They've joined us on our mission, although Dave keeps whining about how none of this is going to work.

Picked up Mom and Dad (who's really looking a bit lethargic) but got into a car wreck on the way to the Winchester<\/s> Brewery. Had to abandon the car. Dad started moaning and attacked Dave, so we had to abandon him, too.

We wound up walking the rest of the way to the pub. Had several close calls on the way. God, mom's eyes are really looking sunken today. Has anyone else noticed? Faked zombie-ness to get to the door.

The front doors of the Brewery were locked, and we were about to go round the back entrance when Dave panicked and broke the window. *sigh* What a cunt. We went in and managed to pull the Golden Tee game in front of the window, using high chairs and whatever else we could find to block the rest of the space.

Sat around for a bit. Ate some peanuts. Had a pint.

And then, it happened.

First, mom went. Had to bash her head in with a chair. Then our barricade broke, and Dave got sucked into the melee of zombies. They ripped his guts out. Poor bastard. Mia, in a fit of anger and vengeance, stormed outside to avenge Dave's death. Haven't seen her since. We fended them off well for a while, but then got cornered behind the bar. Jon poured a bottle of Jack on the bar and lit it to keep the zombies away. We found a trap door under the bar, and went into the basement. You know, in all the time I've worked here, I've never been to the basement.

Right before we went down there, my brother got bitten. \"Leave me!\" he said!

So we did. What else were we going to do?

In the basement, Eric kissed me. Amidst all the muck and grime from old kegs, he told me that he'd never really wanted the other girl in the first place; he was just trying to make me jealous. Even that didn't console me, as my plan to save my family and friends had obviously failed. Go to the pub? What the fuck was I thinking?

But then we hear them. The guns. A helicopter. Shouting. Three members of the United States Marines burst into the kitchen door and rush to the basement. Are we okay? Yes. They've brought us to Whiteman AFB, being the closest military base. Dunno what's going to happen now, but Eric's talking about how when this all blows over, we should get our own place. Maybe use Jon and some of the other zombies as cheap labor?

I hope everyone else has stayed safe.<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:261633","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/261633.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=261633"}}],"title":"For Callie . . .","published":"2006-08-25T18:57:00Z","updated":"2006-08-25T18:57:26Z","content":"Hopefully this works . . .

"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:254870","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/254870.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=254870"}}],"title":"Not that it matters . . .","published":"2006-06-19T17:17:30Z","updated":"2006-06-19T17:39:02Z","content":"But sometimes I get bored and go poking around LJ to see if people I used to know are still alive and kicking . . .

And today I come upon this bullshit<\/a>.

You know . . . I took that class because I thought it would be fun. I look and see that even a couple years after said class, I'm still being made fun of and . . . I'm not even hurt. It became pretty fucking obvious that I wasn't wanted around, so I stopped going. Hung out with <\/a>adamgreeney<\/b><\/a><\/span> a few times, but nothing ever came of it.

And as for my photos of me in makeup . . . I look back on them now, and yeah. They were pretty funny, and they weren't that good. That's why I went to school for it<\/i>. I'm still not exactly Queen of the Makeup Artists, but damned if I don't know the entire process for making up aliens, demons and all those other creatures you see on film; and damned if I didn't have a modeling agency who, if they were a larger business and could afford the process of getting me a work visa, would gladly hire me on as their permanent MA.

Oh, and in case anyone needs reminding: Carla from class is responsible for the explosion of color on my face off to the left side. Not me.

It just kind of astounds me that AJ, who I thought was a pretty nice guy, would still be so interested in making fun of me nearly 2 years after this class. I guess some people never let go?

In other news, tomorrow is the deadline for our exhibition presentations. And then this course is over, and I return to KC (hopefully not for too long) to begin my makeup artistry career.

My health and sanity plans are as follows: Attend as many events with KC Poets, U-LIT and the Jazzhaus crew as possible. Bike twice a week with dad, yoga twice a week (at least once a week with dad).

I've only been on the forums for KC Poets for a day, and already I'm being welcomed. Woohoo!

And for those of you who have been interested, under the cut there are some photos of my more recent makeup work.

Useful knowledge here: <\/a>bittertwist<\/b><\/a><\/span>, mind explaining how you do your watermarks on photos? The ones that say your name and all?



Prosthetics project: Puck from A Midsummer Night's Dream<\/i>
Model: Liu Ya Lin





Adina Chiper, for Pulse Model Management



Adinike Lawal, for Pulse



Hayley Evans, for Pulse



Ghamzeh Mahdizaneh, for Pulse



Kirsty Johnson, for Pulse



Victoria Hutchins, for Pulse


<\/a>

Hopefully I've satisfied some of your curiosities . . ."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:247642","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/247642.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=247642"}}],"title":"yonaelka @ 2006-03-31T21:10:00","published":"2006-03-31T20:12:38Z","updated":"2006-04-01T12:07:35Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"friends only"}},"content":"

<\/p>

*********EDIT**********

I didn't cut anyone; I just don't want certain people reading this thing."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:233914","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/233914.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=233914"}}],"title":"I want to hit something.","published":"2005-10-15T12:17:44Z","updated":"2005-10-15T12:17:44Z","content":"But I keep telling myself that I'm not allowed to do that anymore. I am not allowed to punch inanimate objects, thus fracturing bits of my hands. I am not allowed to hit myself in the head with the door.

*sigh* Maybe I need to find that piercing place in Camden again and get something else done. That's enjoyable self-injury.

Instead, here are some photos of my work so far. Soon to come: photos of Charlotte looking like an evil old man with a huge nose.



Fashion smokey eye, modeled on Vivi:

\"Image
\"Image

1950's makeup, model: Sheena

\"Image
\"Image

1930's, model: Nikki

\"Image

17th century, model: Natasha

Theatre version:
\"Image

Film version:
\"Image

Heaven or Hell day, model: Jola

\"Image
\"Image

The \"Sex and The City\" glowy look - fashion week. Model: Debbie

\"Image
\"Image

1940's, model: Alex

\"Image
\"Image

<\/a>

There'll be photos of the fashiony Brigitte Bardot\/Twiggy look and photos of Charlotte wearing the prosthetic I made as soon as I can be bothered to upload them."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:233216","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/233216.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=233216"}}],"title":"Upset.","published":"2005-10-08T13:16:39Z","updated":"2005-10-08T13:16:39Z","content":"I keep going over and over Kielle's death in my head and it still doesn't make sense.

I've had this poem stuck in my head, and I can't remember the whole thing, but it's by Staceyann Chin and Black Ice. There's a line in it that goes, \"When a man of the people dies, the skies open up to receive him.\"

When Kielle died, the skies in London did not really open up. In fact, it was sunny. <\/a>farli<\/b><\/a><\/span> and I went to visit the Tower of London in her honor. <\/a>farli<\/b><\/a><\/span> told me not to think that the skies should open up, but rather that it was Kielle's light shining down on us. Still, I can't help feeling that some other drastic sign should have signified her death. She was my mentor. The first fanfic I ever read was by her. It was because of her that I even approached writing stories in general, not just fanfic.

I hate that <\/a>smolder<\/b><\/a><\/span>'s car broke down when he was supposed to drive me up to Orange County to meet her.

I don't really have much else to say on that topic.

_______________

In other news . . . well, there is no other news, other than I am very, very angry today, for a lot of reasons that aren't going to be mentioned here; so if you want to know, my IM is GoodOmensAngel and I'm probably not going out tonight.

<\/a>jesterson<\/b><\/a><\/span> needs to be more specific on when he's coming to Watford. I'm hoping for a weekend, because I need some clubbing. And you'd be just the person to go with."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:233000","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/233000.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=233000"}}],"title":"Freezin' ass vacation station . . .","published":"2005-10-03T19:25:20Z","updated":"2005-10-03T19:25:20Z","content":"So I have booked my plane tickets to Amsterdam for the weekend of Nov. 25-27. Seanius will be booking his tickets later tonight, and his girlfriend is not coming.

Jessup will probably be coming, along with his friend AJ. I've been too nice to Jessup lately, and I think he might think I'm interested again, which is so ragingly far from the truth . . .

School has been going well. We covered facial hair last week. I accidentally burned the moustache I made. My instructor, Richard, did as well. The other instructor, Sarah, laughed at us both.

Sarah and Richard actually work on some pretty cool stuff. Sarah made Gimli's beard in Lord of the Rings, worked on Kingdom of Heaven (apparently, Orlando can only grow so much<\/i> facial hair), one of the recent Bond flicks. . . Richard does a lot of theatre, but worked on the movie version of The Phantom of the Opera (including that 4-foot wig of Minnie Driver's. She complained that it was too heavy, and Richard said, \"Well, it's four feet of hair, what did you expect?\")

This week we are doing fashion makeup. Our instructor is Pascal Marin, who's worked on many a cool fashion show and shoot, is very French and has a tendency to poke too hard at your face with his fingers (I learned that the hard way when I volunteered to be today's model). He's also very repetitive. \"You tap, and then you apply the colour, and blend, blend, blend. Then you get more powder, tap tap, apply it to the eyelid, and blend, blend, blend. . .\"

He says blend like it ends in \"duh.\" Blenduh. A very short \"duh.\"

I should probably go downstairs and be social. The housemates have lost \"the power\" (our remote control) and I'm sure it will be chaos without it."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:232614","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/232614.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=232614"}}],"title":"Fuck . . .","published":"2005-09-23T07:58:17Z","updated":"2005-09-23T07:58:17Z","content":"I just . . . have no words right now.

Kielle. My writing icon. Fanfic hero. Someone I almost met but didn't due to car trouble. And now I never will . . ."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:231926","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/231926.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=231926"}}],"title":"Animated icons","published":"2005-09-10T00:46:29Z","updated":"2005-09-10T00:46:29Z","content":"Can anyone out there make me an animated icon that looks like the following, with the text I have provided?

First frame: \"To never die\"
\"Image

Second frame: \"and to conquer all --\"
\"Image

Third frame: \"that is winning.\"
\"Image

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:230009","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/230009.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=230009"}}],"title":"*punches wall*","published":"2005-08-23T10:36:23Z","updated":"2005-08-23T10:36:23Z","content":"Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I knew that had been too easy.

FUCK."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:228366","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/228366.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=228366"}}],"title":"Fic Ness Monster!","published":"2005-08-12T23:12:16Z","updated":"2005-08-12T23:12:16Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"I think we're at part 13. Don't worry, all. It is being compiled. One day the story shall be finished, and possibly even amazing. Hell, I think part 14 might be amazing, as <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span> keeps telling me to have my tin hat ready . . .



Jono stared at his roommate. \u201cYou know him? How?\u201d
Nati went to sit down in a chair behind Jono. \u201cIt\u2019s \u2026 well, it\u2019s kind of \u2013\u201c
Nati froze, catching a glimpse of herself reflected in the window. Her hair had reverted entirely to it\u2019s natural, dark blue state. She covered her head with the hood on her sweatshirt quickly, and turned to leave.
\u201cKind of what?\u201d Jono stood up. \u201cAnd where\u2019re you going?\u201d He reached out for her arm.
\u201cJust \u2026 to the loo, is all,\u201d Nati said hurriedly as she bolted from the room.
Jono sat back down next to Brian\u2019s bed. *Girls,* he thought. *Fuckin\u2019 weird.*
Meanwhile, Nati leaned against the wall of the bathroom, resting her head against the cool concrete and gently banging her fist against the wall. \u201cShit shit shit,\u201d she thought. She looked at herself in the mirror. She concentrated. Nothing happened. \u201cOkay,\u201d she said quietly. \u201cStill too freaked.\u201d She ran her hands through the blue strands now adorning her head.
\u201cI\u2019m in a room. With Jono. He shows me his roommate. It\u2019s Brian from AintIGreat. How the fuck<\/i> did this happen?\u201d She muttered to herself, vaguely aware of the need to go back to Jono and be there for him.
\u201cGod, I hope he didn\u2019t notice this,\u201d she said as she stared into the mirror. *Last thing I need is for him to find out I\u2019m just some loser mutie,* she thought.
She stared into the mirror again, concentrating. She breathed slowly, to calm her nerves. \u201cOkay. You can do this. Blue to purple. Bluuuuuuuue to puuuuuuurple \u2026\u201d Suddenly, her hair started to change over to the purple with which Jono was accustomed to seeing her. She stood there for a few minutes, just to make sure it stayed that way, and then walked back to Brian\u2019s room.
Jono looked up as she entered. \u201cSo. What the hell?\u201d He looked annoyed.
\u201cSorry,\u201d she replied. \u201cJust \u2026 I don\u2019t do well with people covered in wires.\u201d In truth, she was so used to wires that they held little meaning to her. When she was young, her parents had taken her to numerous doctors, trying to figure out why their baby cried when the radio was on; why their baby didn\u2019t have hair until age 5, and why it had started growing in blue; why wasn\u2019t their baby normal? After several \u201ctreatment\u201d processes, nothing had changed, and her parents had eventually put her into foster care. She mostly just remembered the hospital rooms, and the wires. Several foster homes later, she turned 16 with a family who accepted mutants. She felt no ties to any family but them. They had eventually adopted her, despite her age. They even put her through college.
\u201cAnd here I thought you were going to be my<\/i> strength,\u201d Jono chuckled.
\u201cYeah \u2026 uhhh \u2026 sorry. I had some issues when I was little, and I forgot how much hospital rooms freaked me out.\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d he said.
Brian twitched.
\u201cOi, he\u2019s moving!\u201d Nati gasped. They waited to see if it would happen again.
And waited.
And waited.
20 minutes later, Brian remained as motionless as he had been when they first brought him in."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:228129","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/228129.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=228129"}}],"title":"Argh!","published":"2005-08-11T20:09:35Z","updated":"2005-08-11T20:09:35Z","content":"Signing off AIM when I'm trying to get some plotting assistance does not help get fic written any faster, <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span>!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:227753","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/227753.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=227753"}}],"title":"For continuity purposes . . .","published":"2005-08-08T21:25:07Z","updated":"2005-08-08T21:25:07Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"... and in case anyone was wondering about the other half of the fic ...

As-of-yet untitled fic project
By <\/a>yonaelka<\/b><\/a><\/span> and <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span>

Rating: Dunno, we'll see where this goes.
Concept: TCP belongs to Kielle and Phil. AintIGreat blatantly ripped off of Hotornot concept.
Disclaimer: Um. Here's hoping that if Hotornot sees it, they understand that AintIGreat is a parody and therefore we are fully within our rights.



From: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
To: bitsofmusic@gmail.com
Subject: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 12:21:09<\/b>

Hiya Soundbyte.
I saw your photo on \"AintIGreat\" and thought I'd send you a message.
That makes me sound *really* shallow, right? It wasn't just the photo, it was the profile, too. Here's a bit about me in case you feel like writing me back:
-I'm the bassist in a Metallica tribute band called \"Creeping Death\".
-I once drank a glass of olive oil for a bet.
-I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.
The rest can be found on my \"AintIGreat\" profile.
(What, you really thought I was going to bother re-typing all that
*again*?)
I'm attaching a photo in case you're interested. I'm the guy on the right - the others are the rest of my band. I'm the tall one, and then there's Jono (our singer), Harry (our guitarist) and Steve (our drummer and resident drunk). E-mail me back or summat - \"AintIGreat\" charges you to send messages, apparently...
-BrainWaster-

*********

Nati stared at her e-mail. Another e-mail from some stupid twat at AintIGreat.com. \"Maybe this one'll be interesting,\" she muttered.
She surfed over to AintIGreat to take a look at his profile and photograph. \"Hm. Not bad, not - oh dear lord, what the hell IS IT about Anna Kournikova?\"
Sighing, she closed down Firefox and went downstairs for breakfast.
\"Afternoon, Nati.\"
Her flatmate, Dave, grinned as she entered the kitchen in a wifebeater and boxers. \"You look a bit rough. Were you a naughty girl last night?\"
\"You know, the more you play that joke with my name, the funnier it gets,\" she spat back.
\"Well, you didn't get back until four hours ago. What were you up to?\"
Nati stared daggers at Dave. \"You ask me this every Friday night. Where do you think I was?\"
\"Fine, fine, you were out at The Cross, getting pissed and dancing with a bunch of strange men. Excuse me for trying to make conversation.\"
Nati poured herself a bowl of granola and sat down at the table.
\"So who were you last night?\" Dave grabbed his Marmite-covered toast and sat down with her. \"A playful blonde cheerleader? A tough, black-haired bitch? What?\" He reached out to touch her starkly dark blue hair, which was normal for Nati. Suddenly, her hair shifted, curled and turned into a nice, natural red. She raised an eyebrow.
\"Oh, I see. They always go for the redhead.\"
She stared at her cereal. \"Fuck this shit,\" she said. \"I'm going back to bed.\"

********

From: bitsofmusic@gmail.com
To: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09<\/b>

Hey. I\u2019m not online very much, and I don\u2019t check my e-mail too often. But you seem sort of interesting, and I\u2019m always up for knowing new people.
I\u2019m Nati. I live in London, where I work as a secretary while trying to make a go of it as a professional poet. The last bit\u2019s not going very well.
I go out clubbing every weekend, and if you\u2019ve been to any clubs in London lately, you\u2019ve probably seen me around (although my hair color changes once a week).
Anyway, if you feel like responding, I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll get around to checking my mail eventually.
--Nati

*********

From: bitsofmusic@gmail.com
To: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09<\/b>

Hey. I\u2019m not online very much, and I don\u2019t check my e-mail too often. But you seem sort of interesting, and I\u2019m always up for knowing new people.
I\u2019m Nati. I live in London, where I work as a secretary while trying to make a go of it as a professional poet. The last bit\u2019s not going very well.
I go out clubbing every weekend, and if you\u2019ve been to any clubs in London lately, you\u2019ve probably seen me around (although my hair color changes once a week).
Anyway, if you feel like responding, I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll get around to checking my mail eventually.
--Nati

The kitten stared daggers at Brian over the top of the monitor.
It often did- it had the rather annoying habit of sneaking behind the monitor, then leaping up on top of it and trying to savage the cursor as it sped about the screen.
He often wanted to throw things at it, but as Jono was sitting in the room (and it was Jono's kitten) that wouldn't be a good idea this time.
And anyway, the girl he'd messaged on AintIGreat had got back to him, despite seeing his photo. This was a good sign.
\"What you up to, Brian, mate?\"
That was Jono. He couldn't really say \"trying to talk to girls\", now could he?
\"Looking at porn, mate.\"
Jono cackled, and Brian knew that had to have been the wrong answer to give.
\"Mate, how are you ever gonna get any if you admit to it the first time anyone asks what you're doing?\"
Brian didn't answer. Jono didn't care.
\"It's like that gig we did at the Underworld. All those girls hanging around afterwards, and what did you want to do? Drink 'til yer brain fell out.\"
Brian still didn't rise to his bandmate's teasing. It was best not to, and anyway, it gave him time to think of a reply to-
\"And that girl you met that night in the Electric Ballroom? Sick down her, weren't you, if I recall correctly?\"
That was it.
That was it.
\"Jono?\"
\"Yeah, mate?\"
\"Catch.\"
The kitten was flung through the air, using all four legs as brakes.
Claws met face.
Jono shrieked.
Life was good...

*********

From: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
To: bitsofmusic@gmail.com
Subject: Flying Cats
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09<\/b>

Hey, thanks for replying, Nati- didn't think you would- thought you might have been scared off by the Horror That Is Steve, hahaha.

So you're in London, huh? I'm in Camden meself- I share a place with Jono and two other guys, several guitars, basses, gig posters, mountains of washing up, the bodies of the fallen (haha, just kidding... ummm, remind me never to make that joke to girls again...)

Oh, and Jono's kitten. Do you like cats? You can have this one if you do...
--Brian

*********

In the beginning, there was Jack
And Jack had a groove
And from this groove came the groove of all grooves
And while one day viciously throwing down on his box
Jack boldy declared, \u201cLet there be house!\u201d
And house music was born<\/i>

Inside Heaven, the crowd writhed and twisted against each other as Anne Savage spun them into delirium. Hard house leading to boys groping each other and girls shakin\u2019 what their mama gave \u2018em, centered around two girls battling each other on the dance floor. One had purple hair, tied in small knots sticking up from the top of her head; the other a shock of pink and green foam extensions in pigtails. The lights were flashing, bass pumping and sexual tension rising with the music.

I am, you see
I am the creator
And this is MY house
But I am not so selfish
Because once you enter my house
It then becomes OUR house and OUR house music
And you see, no one man owns house
Because house music is a universal language
Spoken and understood by all<\/i>

The two girls spun and jumped, shook and melded and came apart again until suddenly \u2013
\u201cNati!\u201d
The purple-haired girl whipped around.
\u201cDanny!\u201d She squealed as she hugged her friend. \u201cI thought you weren\u2019t coming out tonight!\u201d
\u201dOh, sweetie, you know I can\u2019t be kept away from this place,\u201d he said. \u201cBesides, I\u2019ve been working on that guy in the corner.\u201d He pointed to an Asian man, average height and blond hair, standing by the bar.
\u201cOoooh, good luck, baby!\u201d
Nati grabbed her pink-haired counterpart. Turning back to Danny, she stumbled and fell into him. Looking up at his chin, she giggled, \u201cDanny, I want you to meet someone. She\u2019s \u2026 she\u2019s my \u2026 oh fuck, who \u2013 she lives with me. \u2018S Risa. M\u2019flatmate.\u201d
\u201cDear girl, you are cunting wankered, aren\u2019t you?\u201d Danny propped Nati up, and Risa stood with her arms on Nati\u2019s shoulders.
\u201cAm not! I\u2019ve only had \u2014 \u201d
\u201cEntirely too fucking much,\u201d said Risa. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s go to the bar and get you a nice glass of water.\u201d

***********

Two hours earlier \u2026<\/i>

\u201cOi!\u201d Max stood over her sleeping flatmate, hand raised as if ready to slap him.
\u201cMmph.\u201d Brian rolled over and pulled the duvet over his head.
\u201cCome on, you stupid git. You promised you\u2019d come clubbing with Luke, Jono and I if we went to the football match with you.\u201d
\u201cDid not,\u201d Brian muttered.
\u201cFuck you, you did so,\u201d she said, yanking the cover off him. \u201cJono! He\u2019s refusing to get out of bed! Do I need to have him come in here and throw you in the shower?\u201d
\u201cChrist, no! I\u2019m coming, okay?\u201d
Brian rolled out of bed, grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom. *How did I let them talk me into this?* he thought as the hot water rolled over his long, greenish-black hair and lanky frame. Sighing, he hurried through the shower, lest his roommates threaten worse. Jono was still angry about the cat-flinging incident earlier, so no reason to get on his bad side.
Emerging from the steaming bathroom, he heard Luke on the phone. \u201cYeah, we\u2019re leaving as soon as Max finishes her makeup. I know, I know. I\u2019d say about an hour. Because she\u2019s a perfectionist and it takes her forever to get it done! Yeah, me too. I\u2019m really looking for someone tonight, I\u2019m tired of sleeping alone.\u201d
Brian glanced at Luke. If they were going somewhere for Luke to pick up guys \u2026 *No, they wouldn\u2019t \u2026 they wouldn\u2019t drag me to a gay bar, would they?*
He sat down at the computer and surfed to Yahoo.

From: bitsofsound@gmail.com
To: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Flying Cats
Friday, 29 June, 17:30:31<\/b>

Unfortunately, my roommate Dave is allergic to cats, or I\u2019d take it.

So Camden, huh? I\u2019m down in Brixton, myself. It\u2019s nice, and it\u2019s near a lot of good clubs. Like The Church. But I\u2019m so tired of that place. I think Risa and I are going somewhere else tonight, but she hasn\u2019t told me where. Not that it matters, by the time we\u2019re done I\u2019ll hardly remember where I\u2019ve been.
Do you like clubbing? I know you\u2019re into death metal and all that, but to be honest, it\u2019s not really my scene. Give me hard house or give me death!
Anyway, I\u2019d better get showered and ready for tonight.
--Nati

P.S.: Let me know when your next gig is; it may not be my scene, but it\u2019s not to say I won\u2019t try it on for a night.

Brian smiled. This girl seemed genuinely interested.
\u201cYou ready to go, cat-tosser?\u201d Jono glared maniacally at the seated Brian.
\u201cLook, I\u2019m holding up my end of the bargain, Starsmore. Let\u2019s just leave it.\u201d
\u201cYou seem \u2026 happy. Why\u2019re you so happy, mate? That internet girl write back?\u201d
\u201cYeah. She did. What\u2019s it to you?\u201d
Jono cackled. \u201cOoooh, Doom\u2019n\u2019Gloom\u2019s got an imaginary girlfriend!\u201d

**********

In the bathroom at Heaven, Nati was bent over, in full \u201cworshipping the porcelain goddess\u201d position.
\u201cFuck! I hate this part,\u201d she choked out between retches.
\u201cYeah, well at least you haven\u2019t puked the pill up, so when you\u2019ve finished this disgusting bit, you\u2019ll feel a lot better,\u201d Risa grimaced. She hated this part, too.
Nati stood up slowly. \u201cOkay, I think I\u2019m good.\u201d
\u201cYou sure?\u201d
\u201cYeah. Plenty more dancing to be done tonight, don\u2019t you think?\u201d
\u201cLet\u2019s get you that bottle of water first; I think you need it.\u201d
Risa and Nati approached the bar, where Risa ordered them both some water. \u201cWouldn\u2019t want you getting dehydrated like last time,\u201d Risa said. \u201cAlmost had to take you to A&E.\u201d

**********

Brian sighed. \u201cI can\u2019t believe you twats took me to a gay bar.\u201d
\u201cThat\u2019s what you get for flinging my cat at me, mate.\u201d
Jono and Brian stood at the bar, gazing at the same-sex action. \u201cBut at least it\u2019s good music,\u201d Jono said. \u201cAnd full of fit women \u2026\u201d His voice trailed off as two girls, both with outrageously neon hair, approached the bar. \u201cI\u2019ll try the pink and green, you try the purple, eh?\u201d
Brian turned to look. Indeed, there were two gorgeous women walking toward them. The purple-haired one had on blue vinyl trousers that hugged every curve just right, and what appeared to be a piece of fabric held together with very small strings that tied in back covering her top half. The pink-and-green-haired girl had on a pink halter that said, \u201cI kiss girls\u201d and a miniskirt that only attempted to cover everything.
\u201cNah, man. They\u2019ve probably just got back from lezzin\u2019 off together.\u201d
\u201cAll the more reason to try, right?\u201d Jono winked and began his approach.
Brian rolled his eyes and followed. If nothing else, the purple-haired one looked kind of familiar.

**********

\u201cMight we buy you ladies a drink?\u201d The slightly shorter guy asked. He might well have been talking to a brick wall, since the music volume could barely be shouted over.
\u201cWhat?\u201d Nati turned around. The one in the Misfits t-shirt had asked her something.
\u201cCan we buy you two a drink?\u201d he shouted into her ear.
Risa tapped Nati\u2019s shoulder. \u201cWhat\u2019s \u2018e want? And who gives a shit anyway, I love this track! Come on!\u201d
\u201cBut look at them, they\u2019re hot!\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019ve had enough to drink. Stick with the water,\u201d Risa said as she yanked on Nati\u2019s arm. Nati made a pouting face. \u201cFine.\u201d She turned back to the two guys. \u201cWait a minute, Risa.\u201d She looked at the taller of the pair and said, \u201cI think I\u2019ve seen you before!\u201d
\u201cWhat?\u201d he shouted.
\u201cNever mind! Here,\u201d she shouted as she slipped her business card into the shorter one\u2019s pants pocket. \u201cGive me a call sometime!\u201d And with that, she disappeared in the crowd.

***********

I wake from a horrible nightmare of blood and teeth and fire only to realise that reality is far, far worse.
My head feels like Chernobyl- my mouth like Hiroshima.
I dread to think what my bowels will feel like.
Light streams in through my bedroom curtains- obviously I neglected to shut them before we went out last night.
Bleary with sleep, I try to shut them, but it's no use. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed and sitting up, I realise why- the curtains lie on the floor- pale, dead jellyfish. I shake my head and regret it- painkillers are needed, and quickly.
I head to the kitchen, cursing whichever housemate has their stereo on quite so loud this early in the morning- Ministry are great and everything, but even I have my limits.
Painkillers are chugged, the kettle goes on- I still don't feel human.
A glance at the microwave tells me it's not even morning any more- it's actually 88:88. Cursing, I try to remember if I was supposed to be doing anything today. It's not a Wednesday, so I don't have to go and sign on- it's not a Friday, so I don't have to go to band practise- I didn't pull last night, so I don't have to-
What's that awful smell?
I don't remember leaving anything cooking before going out.
Oh, God, don't tell me someone's making themself a fry-up. Please, God, how on earth can you sanction such-
Nothing is cooking, I realise, looking about me.
But the smell gets worse.
Invisible, insidious, it creeps into my nostrils and assails my brain with sensation.
Even dead sober this would be revolting.
Is it the kitten's food? Is that possible, is it-
No.
An empty can proclaims that it ate a \"hearty meal of succulent meaty chunks in nourishing jelly, suitable for kittens and young cats everywhere as part of a sensible diet\", but a single cursory sniff tells me that (although vile) this is most certainly not the source of the stench.
\"Jono? Luke? Maxi?\"
My voice sounds odd, hollow in my ears.
Probably the after-effects of that God-forsaken club they dragged me to last night. Many's a bad night I've had, I think, tossing the empty catfood tin into the bin, but nothing ever so awful as last night. Surely, I think, heading towards the lounge, nothing could be-
He stands there, turned towards me, eyes full of pleading, and I recoil in horror.
What the fuck?
Jono stands before me, engulfed in flames, fat dripping down and sizzling on the carpet, a horrible, impossible Roman Candle.
Dimly I hear screams, but I am transfixed. From waist to chin he is utterly, utterly consumed- a hideous human conflagration, a thing stepped blazing out of Hieronymous Bosch, a monstrous mockery of-
The screams are mine, I realise, as he staggers towards me, arms outstretched.
What the fuck is this, what the fuck has happened to him, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?
His outstretched hands brush against me and I flinch, feeling the heat wash over me like some insane heatwave. The involuntary motion upsets my equilibrium and I tumble to the ground, and he towers over me, gargantuan, faceless, burning, hellish, inhuman.
Towers over me and reaches down to touch me, to draw me into that horrible, incandescent ma, oh God, please don't let him touch me, please, oh Jesus, oh fuck no, oh fuck, oh-
\"FUCK!!!\"
Arms entangled in sheets, soaked in sweat, Brian thrashes frantically, for a second still stuck in nightmare's grasp, and then gravity takes over.
He tumbles off the bed and cracks his head on the bedside table.
Seconds pass, seconds that seem like eternities.
Then his bedroom door opens and Jono's there, human, whole.
Mischief glitters in his eyes.
\"You alright, mate?\"
All he can do is nod his head and close his eyes, feeling blood running down his face from a gash on his eyebrow.
\"Take it you had a good night?\"
It takes all his energy, but he still manages to stick two fingers up at Jono, who cackled.
\"You should put a plaster on that, mate.\"
He probably should.

*********

Later on, Brian sits at the computer, trying to focus on the screen and failing- the pain in his head and the unsettling memories of the previous night's nightmare conspiring against him.
Not to mention the kitten, glaring balefully at him from atop the monitor.
He's trying to write an e-mail to Soundbyte and failing.
\"Hey, did you have a good night last night?\"
Luke, finally emerging from his room. Brian turns, shows him the plaster on his head. Luke chuckles, and goes through to the kitchen.
\"What happened to that girl you were talking to?\"
Girl? Brian doesn't remember a-
Yes, now he thinks about it, he does remember a girl.
Purple haired, wasn't she, and dancing with-
\"Got her number, but I don't think it'll go anywhere. It was probably a card nicked out of a phonebox.\"
Luke chuckles again, emerging with a slice of bread.
It's smothered with Marmite, Brian's hangover notices.
\"Make sure she actually was she, then.\"
Brian realises this might be a good idea- after all, girls met in clubs such as those he was dragged to the previous night often turn out to have much darker secrets than a few unpaid library fines. He rummages in his pockets for-
\"Shit.\"
The card is gone. It's probably lost for good knowing the state of the flat, too.
\"Ah, well, she's had a lucky escape then.\"
Brian scowls at Luke and goes back to his e-mail.

********

From: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
To: bitsofmusic@gmail.com
Subject: Bad Dreams<\/b>

Well, what a night that was. First I end up being dragged to a gay bar (gay bar, gay bar, gay bar) by my housemates, then I have the mother of all nightmares about one of my housemates, then I fall out of bed and cut myself on the bedside table and am laughed at by the aforementioned housemate...

All in all, today could be going better. How about you, did you have a good night? Go anywhere good, meet any fun new people? I need cheering up- my head hurts and the pubs aren't open yet!

***********

Jono picked up the phone and dialed the mobile number on the business card he\u2019d received last night. 2 p.m. seemed like an all right time to see if the purple-haired girl remembered who he was.
\"Hello?\"
\"Erm. Hi. Is this Natila Grey?\" Jono came into the living room, business card in hand and grinning nervously.
\"Yes, who\u2019s calling?\"
\"My name\u2019s Jono. Starsmore. Uhm \u2026 I met you last night at Heaven?\"
\"I met a lot of people last night at Heaven. Can\u2019t remember most of \u2018em.\"
Brian idly listened to the conversation, while checking to see if anyone new had added him on AintIGreat.
\"Well, I was there with a friend of mine. I was wearing a Misfits t-shirt and leather trousers, and then there was the ugly tall ponce standing next to me in black jeans and \u2013 Oi, mate, you throw my cat at me again and it\u2019ll be the last time you use that hand. Sorry, roommate issues. Anyway \u2026\"
Brian glared at Jono menacingly, kitten in hand. He set the kitten down. \"That was MY business card, you fuck,\" he muttered.
\"Yeah, well, she gave it to me, now shut up. Sorry, what was that?\"
The girl on the other line sighed. \"I was just saying that I think I remember you and your friend. Not really all that clearly, but I remember some guy in a Misfits t-shirt.\"
\"Yeah, that\u2019d be me. We didn\u2019t really get a chance to chat then, and I was wondering if you\u2019d maybe like to have a cup of coffee?\" Jono wandered back into his room.
Luke looked at Brian. \"So you got someone\u2019s number, eh?\"
\"Piss off.\"

*********

Nati rubbed her eyes and turned to the computer. Dave knocked on her door.
\"Mornin\u2019. You and Risa have a good night?\"
\"Apparently I just agreed to have coffee with some guy I don\u2019t remember, who said I gave him my card.\" Nati shook her head. \"So I guess we did.\"
\"When\u2019s the coffee?\"
\"In about an hour and a half.\" Nati got up and stretched, catlike in her movements. \"Suppose I should have a shower.\"
Dave grinned. \"Might be wise.\"
45 minutes later, as she dressed, she started to hear music. She looked around her room. Stereo is off. Computer is sleeping. \"Where is it coming \u2013 ow. OW! Mother fuck!\" Nati shrieked as she realized the music was in her head, booming happy hardcore from \u2013
\"DAVE!\"
The volume lessened.
\"What?\"
\"What the FUCK have I told you about playing that shite?\" She yelled as she walked across the living room to the kitchen counter, where they kept the paracetamol.
\"Oops. Sorry, forgot the \u2018no happy hardcore after Nati wakes up\u2019 rule.\"
\"For fuck\u2019s sake, don\u2019t forget again. You know I can\u2019t pipe it out of my head when there\u2019s no one else around.\"
\"I know, I know. What I don\u2019t know is how you deal with that every day.\"
Nati smiled. \"Well, usually I\u2019m surrounded by people. Plus, no radio allowed in the office.\"
Dave shook his head, puzzled. \"I thought you mutants were supposed to do cool things, like fly and save the world and all that. How\u2019d you end up with such a crap lot?\"
Nati shrugged and headed for the door, downing a handful of painkillers as she went.
\"Nati!\"
\"What, Dave?\"
\"Your hair was purple last night, not orange.\"
\"Oh. Shit.\" She shifted her hair, lengthening it and pulling it up into two knots on either side of her head (above her ears, so as not to have a purple-haired Princess Leia look). \"Better?\"
\"Yep.\"

*********

From: bitsofsound@gmail.com
To: Brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Bad Dreams
Saturday, 30 June, 15:16:03<\/b>

Huh. That\u2019s weird that you were at a gay bar. I went out to Heaven last night with my roommate Risa. Which bar were you at?
I guess I did meet someone, albeit briefly. Apparently, I gave him my card, because he called a bit ago.
Sorry about the cut and the nightmare. What happened? I mean, it must have been some kind of fucked up since you said it was \"the mother of all nightmares.\"
Hmmmm \u2026 cheering up, cheering up. Maybe later I\u2019ll take some new photos and put them up on AintIGreat. Would that help? I mean, you must have found me attractive; isn\u2019t that the point of these sites? You click on the pretty ones?
Anyway. I\u2019m off for coffee.

--Nati

***********
From: bitsofsound@gmail.com
To: Brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Bad Dreams<\/b>

Huh. That\u2019s weird that you were at a gay bar. I went out to Heaven last night with my roommate Risa. Which bar were you at?
I guess I did meet someone, albeit briefly. Apparently, I gave him my card, because he called a bit ago.
Sorry about the cut and the nightmare. What happened? I mean, it must have been some kind of fucked up since you said it was \"the mother of all nightmares.\"
Hmmmm \u2026 cheering up, cheering up. Maybe later I\u2019ll take some new photos and put them up on AintIGreat. Would that help? I mean, you must have found me attractive; isn\u2019t that the point of these sites? You click on the pretty ones?
Anyway. I\u2019m off for coffee.

*Yeah,* thought Brian, *it's always the pretty ones you click on. Always the pretty ones who get clicked on, always the pretty ones who win, always the pretty ones who get the girl.*
Enraged, he switched the computer off and stalked over to the fridge. A smiling-faced magnet attached a note to it-
\"Bri- get us some milk will ya? Used the last of it. Jono.\"
\"Bastard.\"
Brian hadn't meant to say it, had just meant to think it, but the words came out before he'd chance to stop himself.
They hung in the air, accusingly.
*Did I really say that?
Did I really just call my oldest friend that?*
After a moment's thought, Brian had an answer, as the kitten started yowling somewhere in the house. Cursing to himself under his breath, he went in search of it.
It was in the bath, somehow- playing with the dripping tap and having the time of it's short life. Have to tell the landlord about that, Brian thought, removing the kitten from the bath (much to its disgust) and placing it on the floor. It glared at him for a moment, and then discovered a discovered pair of boxer shorts were far more fun.
They were Jono's.
Brian left the kitten to it, and headed back to the living room.
It was a tip, as always- Jono had said he would tidy up, but he never did, just as he-
\"Need milk,\" he muttered under his breath, talking to himself to keep the voices away, the voices whispering that he was a bad, bad person, bitter and bad, bitter and bad and...
\"Need milk.\"

*********

A few minutes later, Brian was standing in the local petrol station, holding a big jug of milk and a six-pack of lagers. He hadn't meant to buy the lagers, they'd just... been there.
If Jono could have fun, so would he. He would drink some beer, listen to some loud music and try to forget the world for a while.
Standing in the queue behind a tall, shaven-headed black guy and a short, Chinese-looking girl, Brian started humming under his breath. What was that song, the song from the club? Something about house music, and in the-
The lights flickered. Everyone looked around, glad of the interruption to the usual boredom of their shopping trip.
They flickered again. This started a murmur- was it a brownout? The local electricity board had been warning people not to use too much-
They flickered again, and died.
Brian cursed under his breath. Hopefully the fridge at home was still working...

*********

By the time he got home, Brian had an answer.
It seemed the brown-out\/black-out whatever had only been temporary, or at least confined to the petrol station- everything was in working order. Putting the milk back in the fridge (and studiously ignoring the yowls coming from the bathroom) Brian cracked open one of the beers he'd bought and went back on line.
AintIGreat was the first place he went.
And Nati's profile was the first he went to.

*******

From: Brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
To: bitsofsound@gmail.com
Subject: Weird Day<\/b>

I went to Heaven too! Wonder if I saw you? Probably did- but probably don't remember it, hahaha! Hope the guy who took your card doesn't turn out to have been one of my friends- they're all pricks, or gay.
And Jono's both, hahahaha, Just Kidding. Honest.
Weird day followed my weird dreams- there was a power failure in the petrol station when I was buying milk and beers (the breakfast of champions, no?) but when I got back to the house there seemed to be no sign it had gone any further, because the house was fine...
...if a little untidy. My housemates are pigs.
Anyway... post those pics!

Bri
(who now has to go rescue a kitten.)
(from the bath<\/i>, of all places.)
(honestly...<\/i>)

************

They had agreed to meet at a coffee shop in Camden. Nati wandered out of the train station, toward the markets. La Prima Tazza was just a small stand near Cyberdog, but it was her favorite. As she walked, she tried as well as she could to block the radio waves coming from the various shops out of her head. *Stupid crap power,* she thought as she grabbed her iPod headphones in an attempt to drown out the cacophony in her head. At least once she got near Cyberdog, there would be good music bouncing around.
She still couldn\u2019t quite remember what this Jono character looked like. Was he shorter or taller? The one in the Misfits shirt or no?
She had thought she gave her card to the taller one.
\u201cNati?\u201d
She whirled around.
\u201cWell. I know we weren\u2019t supposed to meet until the coffee shop, but your hair makes you \u2026 sort of obvious.\u201d
*Wow, never heard that before,* she thought. She smiled and shook his hand. \u201cWell, better that you recognize me, because I barely remember getting home last night.\u201d
They continued walking, small-talking their way to the coffee shop.
\u201cSo, you\u2019re in a band, huh?\u201d Nati cocked an eyebrow as they waited for their drinks.
\u201cYeah,\u201d Jono replied. \u201cMe and a few of my mates.\u201d
\u201cYou look sort of familiar,\u201d she said. \u201cYou played in Brixton ever?\u201d
\u201cCan\u2019t say as we have. Maybe it\u2019s just from last night?\u201d
\u201cI guess \u2026\u201d

*************

Brian, foaming lager in hand, hit play on the stereo. KMFDM\u2019s \u201cRetro\u201d album. *Perfect,* he thought. *All the hits, since I\u2019ve no clue what Jono\u2019s done with the rest of my KMFDM albums.* The kitten stood on top of one of the speakers, staring at him.
\u201cFuck off.\u201d
As \u201cJuke Joint Jezebel\u201d came on, Brian gave the volume knob on the stereo one full turn to the right, to an almost deafening decibel level. Almost.
The kitten screeched as the speaker shuddered underneath it\u2019s paws and leapt onto the floor, bounding out of the room.
Brian proceeded to headbang his way around the living room. \u201cBeeee miiiiiiiiiiiiine! Sister salvatiooooooooooon!\u201d he screamed along with the music.
Suddenly, there was a jolt of pain in his head. All the lights went out, along with the rest of the electricity, and the last thing he remembered was seeing the kitten coming toward him as he hit the floor with a resounding thud.

***********

\u201cSo this is great coffee,\u201d Jono said. \u201cI didn\u2019t even know about this place, and I live up here.\u201d
Nati smiled. \u201cBest kept secret in Camden,\u201d she said. This guy was really something, she thought. Not like most of the bastards she met. Didn\u2019t seem like the type who was only out for sex, but then, they never did seem that way at first.
They were wandering around the market when Jono grabbed a long, fitted leather jacket. \u201cThink this\u2019ll be good on me?\u201d He put it on and spun around.
\u201cUgh. So not you. Give it.\u201d Nati put the jacket away, found a smaller labcoat-style jacket in blue vinyl and slipped it on.
\u201cOh, but that is so you,\u201d Jono said, pulling her toward him.
Nati grinned. \u201cYou think?\u201d
Jono bent his head down toward hers. \u201cOh yes,\u201d he said; and kissed her.

Two hours later \u2026<\/i>

Jono and Nati stepped off the Tube in Brixton. \u201cI can\u2019t believe you came all the way back here just to make sure I got here all right,\u201d she said.
\u201cWell, you never know when someone\u2019ll leave an unidentified parcel, right?\u201d
\u201cThere might just be some gentleman in you yet, Mr. Starsmore.\u201d She linked arms with him as they stepped back into the sunlight. \u201cRare day, isn\u2019t it?\u201d
\u201cPerfect day, more like,\u201d he said. She laughed.
\u201cWell, that\u2019s my flat right there, so \u2026\u201d She looked down.
\u201cYeah, I\u2019ve got band practice in an hour. But it was great, y\u2019know? Hanging out and all.\u201d
\u201cYeah. Call me?\u201d
He leaned in for another kiss. \u201cAbsolutely.\u201d
She walked into her flat, eyes lingering on Jono as he walked down the road back to the Underground. Inside, no one was home. After collapsing on the floor and giggling uncontrollably, she went into her room and switched the computer on.
*Another mail from this Brian guy \u2026 wonder if I should tell him about this afternoon?*

From: Brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
To: bitsofsound@gmail.com
Subject: Weird Day<\/b>

I went to Heaven too! Wonder if I saw you? Probably did- but probably don't remember it, hahaha! Hope the guy who took your card doesn't turn out to have been one of my friends- they're all pricks, or gay.
And Jono's both, hahahaha, Just Kidding. Honest.
Weird day followed my weird dreams- there was a power failure in the petrol station when I was buying milk and beers (the breakfast of champions, no?) but when I got back to the house there seemed to be no sign it had gone any further, because the house was fine...
...if a little untidy. My housemates are pigs.
Anyway... post those pics!

Bri
(who now has to go rescue a kitten.)
(from the bath<\/i>, of all places.)
(honestly...<\/i>)

Nati grinned and grabbed her digital camera. Snapping a few quick shots of herself, she edited for size and uploaded them to her AintIGreat profile. *There. Updated. That last hair color was just completely outdated. We\u2019ll see what he thinks of the purple.*

From: bitsofsound@gmail.com
To: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Re: Weird day<\/b>

That\u2019s fucked up. You went to Heaven, I went to Heaven, I gave my card to some asshole who turned out to be named Jono \u2026
\u2026 Who couldn\u2019t possibly be your friend because he\u2019s certainly not gay and definitely not a prick. Spent all day looking at leather and vinyl jackets in Camden. Kind of rare to find a guy who\u2019ll go shopping with you, right?
Anyway. I put those pics up. Now, I showed you mine \u2026 how about you show me yours?

Nati
(who hopes the kitten is okay)
(and what was it doing in the bath?)
(you have a fucked up cat)

************

Then<\/b>

The world seemed to explode, and Brian's eyes rolled up into his head as he dropped to the ground.
The pain was like nothing he'd ever felt, not even when he'd been seven years old and a rogue swing had sent his teeth through his lower lip.
This was...
Actually, this was... quite nice.
Everything felt warm, and hazy. Dimly Brian saw two yellow eyes peering at him, but he might just have been hallucinating that, he reasoned with himself. After all, he'd been up very late the previous night, hadn't he?
Yes, he had.
And wouldn't sleeping be a good idea?
Yes, yes it would.

Later<\/b>

Jono found himself whistling a happy tune on the Tube, not a care in the world for a change.
She hadn't hit him when he'd tried to kiss her.
She had let him take her back to her flat.
She was...
What on Earth was the tune in his head, he wondered- was it that song from the club, the one about House Music, something like that, yes, something about House Music and a guy, what had his name been... what was it called?
It didn't really matter, of course- what mattered was that she'd liked him.
Now, how did he explain this to Brian?

Then<\/b>

Brian wasn't quite sure where he was, but he knew he was dreaming- had to be dreaming, there was no other explanation for the things he was seeing.
People, running people, screaming people, terrified people.
And above them all...

Be MINE!
Sister Salvation!
Juke-Joint Jezebel comin'
For my cremation!<\/i>

He didn't know where the music was coming from, but it seemed perfectly in tune with the sight that lay spread across the London sky that night.
From horizon to horizon, the sky was filled with huge, robotic figures.
Huge, apocalyptic, terrifying figures.

Be MINE!
Sister Salvation!
Closer now
And see
The REVELATION!<\/i>

He looked around, to see where he could run, if he could run, but the crowds were too thick, choking the streets, looking for all the world like the set of some stupid 1950s B-movie, the kind he'd loved since he was a kid.
And now, now one of the robots landed, landed in front of him, huge, Cyclopean, terrible.
Brian closed his eyes as the robot raised its hand, and a deadly white light began to pulse in its palm. This was it, this was how it ended, this was how the world ended-

Later<\/b>

Something was wrong, Jono realised this immediately, even before he walked into the house, even before he walked up the steps to the front door.
The street was dark.
Utterly dark.
No street lights.
No televisions flickering in windows.
No nothing.
\"Must be a power-cut,\" he muttered to himself, fumbling in his pocket for his keys. If he was publicly-minded, he'd probably have reported it to the power company...
...But he wasn't, he chuckled to himself, letting himself in and heading up the stairs to the flat. In fact, he was surprised no-one else hadn't already reported it.
But maybe a big enough power cut would have taken out the phone lines too, he thought to himself, reaching the door that led into the flat.
Or was that possible? He'd never really listened in Physics. Or was it Chemistry he should listened in? Maybe he'd ask Br-
\"Oh, holy fuck.\"
Stepping into the flat, he saw something that turned the world upside down and inside out.
Brian was on the floor, only the whites of his eyes showing, a thin trickle of blood running out of the corner of the left one.
\"Oh, holy fuck, Brian, mate, what the fuck?\"
An abandoned can of beer lay by his oldest friend, spilled and forgotten.
Absurdly, the first thought that went through Jono's head was that Brian would be pissed to have spilled his lager.
The second, more rational thought was to phone an ambulance.
The phone was dead. Jono panicked for a second, and then remembered his mobile.
\"Jesus, Brian, mate, hang on, eh? Just...hang on!\"

Later<\/b>

The doctor was pretty, and young.
Dr St Croix, her name badge proclaimed her to be.
You knew you were getting old, thought Jono, when even the doctors looked young.
Brian looked so young lying in the hopsital bed.
He hadn't woken up yet.
And no-one knew why.

*************

\u201cDamnit! Stupid poncy git \u2026\u201d Nati flung her phone across the room onto her bed. Two days after their date, she had wanted to get together with Jono again, but he was nowhere to be found.
Risa poked her head through the door. \u201cSomething wrong?\u201d
Nati sighed. \u201cIt\u2019s that guy I went for coffee with. Remember how we had this really great time and we shopped and I got that blue coat and he was nice and romantic and fun?\u201d
\u201cHe disappeared, didn\u2019t he?\u201d
Nati sank down onto her bed dejectedly. \u201cYes.\u201d
\u201cThey\u2019re all a bunch of bastards, aren\u2019t they?\u201d
\u201cYes.\u201d

**********

Meanwhile \u2026<\/i>

Jono paced the hall outside Brian\u2019s hospital room. No one was telling him anything about his roommate\u2019s condition. He\u2019d been in the hospital for two days, and they weren\u2019t letting him into the room or telling him anything. It was taking everything in his power not to just direct his fist toward the wall and start punching. Suddenly, Dr. St. Croix came out of the room and walked toward him.
\u201cMr. Starsmore?\u201d
\u201cYes?\u201d
\u201cWe have your roommate stabilized. Not exactly sure what\u2019s wrong with him yet, but the chief resident will be here soon to look at him.\u201d
\u201cCan I go in there?\u201d
\u201cNot just yet.\u201d
Suddenly, a polyphonic ringtone of Nine Inch Nails\u2019 \u201cCloser\u201d sounded loudly from Jono\u2019s pocket.
\u201cSir, you\u2019ll have to keep that off while you\u2019re inside. If you want to use it, you\u2019re welcome to go outside the hospital.\u201d
\u201cUhh, right.\u201d Jono switched his phone off. \u201cHow long until he wakes up?\u201d
Dr. St. Croix shook her head. \u201cI honestly don\u2019t know. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d
Jono nodded, and proceeded toward the Accident and Emergency exit. As he walked through the doors, he switched his phone on again and noticed several missed calls and two voicemails. Three of the calls were from Nati. The others were from his roommates, whom he had left a note for.
*SHIT!* he thought. He quickly called up her number and hit the \u201ctalk\u201d button. It rang. *God, I hope she doesn\u2019t \u2013 how the hell am I going to tell her my roommate\u2019s in a coma?*
There was a click, and then a voice. \u201cHello?\u201d

***********

An hour and a half later, as Jono sat with Luke and Max waiting for the chief resident to produce a verdict on their housemate, Nati dashed into the hospital, skidding to a stop when she saw Jono.
He stood up when he saw her and approached her slowly. She reached up and caressed his cheek. \u201cHave you been in to see him yet?\u201d
Jono shook his head. Nati wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head into his shoulder. \u201cHe\u2019ll be okay.\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019re just saying that.\u201d
She smiled. \u201cWell, do you want me to tell you he\u2019s going to die?\u201d
\u201cPoint taken.\u201d
She gave him a kiss. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here,\u201d he said. \u201cI was afraid you weren\u2019t going to buy the whole, \u2018My flatmate\u2019s in a coma\u2019 excuse, and I mean \u2026 we\u2019ve only known each other for a few days.\u201d
\u201cDoes that mean I somehow can\u2019t care?\u201d
\u201cDon\u2019t you work?\u201d
\u201cOnly four days of the week.\u201d
Jono smiled. He really liked this girl.

*************

The more he pinched himself, the less he could believe this wasn't a dream. He'd escaped the robots-
-how fucking weird did that sound, he'd escaped the robots, he could barely finish Level 1 on Doom, how the fuck had he escaped the robots-<\/i>
-only to find himself chased through the streets by hideous, yellow-eyed, black-furred creaures, creatures that hissed and spat and yowled like the hordes of Hell. He'd escaped them-
-and what did they remind him of, what the fuck did those awful, awful monsters remind him of, it was lurking, lurking just out of reach, he wished he could remember, why couldn't he remember-<\/i>
-and now he was...
...Well, if he was honest he wasn't sure where he was any more.
Wasn't even quite sure who he was any more.
All he could remember was being chased, and somehow ending up... here.
Wherever that was.
A cold, cold fog lay over everything, and huge spires lanced up into it, huge spires of dull metal and glass, glass that reflected nothing but the fog, the endless, mind-numbing fog. There was asphalt under his feet, and pavement, but...
It wasn't right.
There was no litter, for a start.
There was litter everywhere- even on Mars, he assumed-

-but what the fuck was Mars, any way? Was it a place? Was it a person? Images hung in his mind, images of a-<\/i>
-so why was there no litter here?

There wasn't even a sun. A sun would have been good, a sun would burned away the fog, a sun would have shown him where he was-
But there was no sun.
And so he walked on.

************

Dr St Croix looked at the man in the bed and wished for the thousandth time that day that she could see into his mind.
There was nothing wrong with him, not physically. His vital signs were perfect, he seemed stronger than a lot of the staff at the hospital, let alone the other patients-
And yet he was still unconscious, little more than a breathing corpse.
It was just...
She clutched the clipboard in her hands so tightly her knuckes paled, frustrated.
It was just so stupid.
His friends, the ones who sat outside his room, the ones who'd been there for the past two days-
There was nothing she could tell them.
Nothing.
It was just so stupid.

*********

On he walked, through the dim grey world he now inhabited.
On he walked, solitary inhabitant of a cold, grey, emptiness.
What was the meaning of it all, he wondered?
Who was behind it, who had plucked him from the world of colour and life-
-flashes of people, flashes of a man ablaze, flashes of a girl with ever-changing hair, flashes of-<\/i>
-who had dropped him into this nightmarish half-life?
He walked and walked, but did not tire, not any longer.
The fog froze him to the bone, but he did not feel it, not any longer.
There was nothing but the mist, and the spires, and the endless asphalt.
On he walked.

**********

Luke stood up, stretched, looked at the others.
\"I'm going for a fag. Call me if anything happens?\"
Max stood up as well.
\"I'll join you. Might be some dishy doctors lurking about down there, eh?\"
Luke rolled his eyes.
\"You and your doctors.\"
Amiably, the two headed off down the corridor, backchatting and bantering each other as they went, leaving Jono and Nati behind.
They sat in silence, for what could be said?
What could make things better?
What indeed...

**********

There was someone else, he realised, someone else in the fog, someone following him.
And someone following him.
It was quite... disconcerting.
He would have been grateful of the company, but not this sort of company. This was almost...
...almost like being stalked.
He quickened his pace, and he slowed it, but still they kept pace with him, his unseen, unknown followers.
He didn't like it one bit.
A creeping doom, it felt like.
Inevitable, inexorable...
Inescapable.<\/i>

*************

Hours of staring off into space were starting to wear on Nati\u2019s nerves. She had curled herself into a ball next to Jono, waiting for some sign that his roommate was going to be all right. The chief resident had come and gone, but told them nothing. Hours, for some guy she barely knew.
\u201cYou know, you don\u2019t have to stay,\u201d said Jono. \u201cI haven\u2019t got a clue when they\u2019re going to tell us anything or let us in there.\u201d
\u201cWell, I will have to go tonight,\u201d she replied. \u201cGotta work in the morning.\u201d
He kissed her forehead. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here now, though. It helps.\u201d
She smiled. He stroked her hair. \u201cYour roots are blue,\u201d he said. \u201cWere they like that this morning?\u201d Nati looked up at him. She quickly adjusted her hair color, fading the purple back in. \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d
\u201cThey were just \u2013 I thought \u2013 maybe it was just a trick of the light. And I\u2019m tired. But it looked like your roots were growing in blue.\u201d
\u201cWeird.\u201d

**********

Meanwhile, in Massachusetts<\/i>

Two days ago, Prof. Charles Xavier had been searching Cerebro for prospective students. There had been an explosion of power somewhere in London; a blackout according to the newspapers, completely inexplicable, but Xavier knew better. He had felt the surge. The London Times said there had only been one call to the local emergency room; a 27-year-old male who had been completely knocked out during the blackout. The hospital reported all vitals to be normal, but no sign that the boy was to come out of the coma.
Now Xavier lay in the medical lab, vitals being monitored by a nurse, as he sought the boy out with his mind.
He wandered through a field of fog, glass and metal towers spiraling up to the sky. He shadowed the figure in front of him. He just wanted to be sure \u2026
\u201cBrian?\u201d
The figure whirled around. It was him.

***********

Nati suddenly jerked awake. Apparently, she had fallen asleep, but had only been out for all of ten minutes, according to her watch. Jono was now standing, talking to Dr. St. Croix.
\u201cSo we can see him, then?\u201d
\u201cYes. We\u2019re still not at all sure what\u2019s wrong. His vitals are perfect \u2026 he\u2019s just \u2026 not in there.\u201d
Jono rubbed his eyes. \u201cRight. You told me that already.\u201d
Dr. St. Croix nodded. \u201cAnyway, Dr. Morten said you could go in. He can\u2019t see the harm in letting you guys see him. Hell, maybe if you talk to him \u2026 I don\u2019t know. Might bring him back.\u201d
Jono crouched in front of Nati\u2019s chair. \u201cYou\u2019re awake.\u201d
\u201cYeah, sorry about that.\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s okay. It\u2019s been a long day. But they\u2019re going to let us see him now, and --\u201d Jono paused, nervous.
\u201cWhat?\u201d
\u201cWell \u2026 I was hoping you might come in with me. It\u2019s kind of weird, I know, because you don\u2019t know him, but \u2026 well, the idea of seeing my roommate like that kind of freaks me out, and I was hoping \u2013\u201d
Nati looked Jono in the eyes. \u201cLook, I\u2019ve been here all day. I\u2019ve got to go home soon, but there\u2019s no harm in bringing you in there, innit?\u201d
Jono smiled and held out his hand. Nati uncurled herself and set her feet on the floor and tried to stand up. She promptly sank to her knees, trying not to cry out.
\u201cWhat? What is it?\u201d Jono looked worried.
Nati gritted her teeth. \u201cPins \u2026 and sodding \u2026 needles \u2026\u201d Jono laughed and helped her back onto her feet. With his arm around her waist to help her along, they entered the room. Nati\u2019s eyes widened.
\u201cErm. Jono?\u201d
\u201cYeah?\u201d His hands were shaking. He didn\u2019t like seeing his roommate covered in wires.
\u201cWhat did you say his name was again?\u201d
\u201cBrian, why?\u201d
*Ohhhhhh, fuck,* Nati thought. *I\u2019m standing here holding the hand of the roommate \u2026 FUCK!*
\u201cI \u2013 I think I know him \u2026\u201d"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:227374","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/227374.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=227374"}}],"title":"More fic","published":"2005-08-07T18:19:55Z","updated":"2005-08-07T18:19:55Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"Posted from the G5, which is happily up and running again! *loves her G5*



Fic part 11

Hours of staring off into space were starting to wear on Nati\u2019s nerves. She had curled herself into a ball next to Jono, waiting for some sign that his roommate was going to be all right. The chief resident had come and gone, but told them nothing. Hours, for some guy she barely knew.
\u201cYou know, you don\u2019t have to stay,\u201d said Jono. \u201cI haven\u2019t got a clue when they\u2019re going to tell us anything or let us in there.\u201d
\u201cWell, I will have to go tonight,\u201d she replied. \u201cGotta work in the morning.\u201d
He kissed her forehead. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here now, though. It helps.\u201d
She smiled. He stroked her hair. \u201cYour roots are blue,\u201d he said. \u201cWere they like that this morning?\u201d Nati looked up at him. She quickly adjusted her hair color, fading the purple back in. \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d
\u201cThey were just \u2013 I thought \u2013 maybe it was just a trick of the light. And I\u2019m tired. But it looked like your roots were growing in blue.\u201d
\u201cWeird.\u201d
________

Meanwhile, in Massachusetts<\/i>

Two days ago, Prof. Charles Xavier had been searching Cerebro for prospective students. There had been an explosion of power somewhere in London; a blackout according to the newspapers, completely inexplicable, but Xavier knew better. He had felt the surge. The London Times said there had only been one call to the local emergency room; a 27-year-old male who had been completely knocked out during the blackout. The hospital reported all vitals to be normal, but no sign that the boy was to come out of the coma.
Now Xavier lay in the medical lab, vitals being monitored by a nurse, as he sought the boy out with his mind.
He wandered through a field of fog, glass and metal towers spiraling up to the sky. He shadowed the figure in front of him. He just wanted to be sure \u2026
\u201cBrian?\u201d
The figure whirled around. It was him.
__________

Nati suddenly jerked awake. Apparently, she had fallen asleep, but had only been out for all of ten minutes, according to her watch. Jono was now standing, talking to Dr. St. Croix.
\u201cSo we can see him, then?\u201d
\u201cYes. We\u2019re still not at all sure what\u2019s wrong. His vitals are perfect \u2026 he\u2019s just \u2026 not in there.\u201d
Jono rubbed his eyes. \u201cRight. You told me that already.\u201d
Dr. St. Croix nodded. \u201cAnyway, Dr. Morten said you could go in. He can\u2019t see the harm in letting you guys see him. Hell, maybe if you talk to him \u2026 I don\u2019t know. Might bring him back.\u201d
Jono crouched in front of Nati\u2019s chair. \u201cYou\u2019re awake.\u201d
\u201cYeah, sorry about that.\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s okay. It\u2019s been a long day. But they\u2019re going to let us see him now, and --\u201d Jono paused, nervous.
\u201cWhat?\u201d
\u201cWell \u2026 I was hoping you might come in with me. It\u2019s kind of weird, I know, because you don\u2019t know him, but \u2026 well, the idea of seeing my roommate like that kind of freaks me out, and I was hoping \u2013\u201d
Nati looked Jono in the eyes. \u201cLook, I\u2019ve been here all day. I\u2019ve got to go home soon, but there\u2019s no harm in bringing you in there, innit?\u201d
Jono smiled and held out his hand. Nati uncurled herself and set her feet on the floor and tried to stand up. She promptly sank to her knees, trying not to cry out.
\u201cWhat? What is it?\u201d Jono looked worried.
Nati gritted her teeth. \u201cPins \u2026 and sodding \u2026 needles \u2026\u201d Jono laughed and helped her back onto her feet. With his arm around her waist to help her along, they entered the room. Nati\u2019s eyes widened.
\u201cErm. Jono?\u201d
\u201cYeah?\u201d His hands were shaking. He didn\u2019t like seeing his roommate covered in wires.
\u201cWhat did you say his name was again?\u201d
\u201cBrian, why?\u201d
*Ohhhhhh, fuck,* Nati thought. *I\u2019m standing here holding the hand of the roommate \u2026 FUCK!*
\u201cI \u2013 I think I know him \u2026\u201d"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:227115","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/227115.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=227115"}}],"title":"Two updates, one day . ..","published":"2005-08-04T22:03:26Z","updated":"2005-08-04T22:03:26Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"More fic, more fic, whee! It's funny how when you stop writing fanfic, you say to yourself, \"Self? You're probably never going to write one again.\" And then you find the right story and five years after you quit you start again.



\u201cDamnit! Stupid poncy git \u2026\u201d Nati flung her phone across the room onto her bed. Two days after their date, she had wanted to get together with Jono again, but he was nowhere to be found.
Risa poked her head through the door. \u201cSomething wrong?\u201d
Nati sighed. \u201cIt\u2019s that guy I went for coffee with. Remember how we had this really great time and we shopped and I got that blue coat and he was nice and romantic and fun?\u201d
\u201cHe disappeared, didn\u2019t he?\u201d
Nati sank down onto her bed dejectedly. \u201cYes.\u201d
\u201cThey\u2019re all a bunch of bastards, aren\u2019t they?\u201d
\u201cYes.\u201d
______

Meanwhile \u2026<\/i>

Jono paced the hall outside Brian\u2019s hospital room. No one was telling him anything about his roommate\u2019s condition. He\u2019d been in the hospital for two days, and they weren\u2019t letting him into the room or telling him anything<\/i>. It was taking everything in his power not to just direct his fist toward the wall and start punching. Suddenly, Dr. St. Croix came out of the room and walked toward him.
\u201cMr. Starsmore?\u201d
\u201cYes?\u201d
\u201cWe have your roommate stabilized. Not exactly sure what\u2019s wrong with him yet, but the chief resident will be here soon to look at him.\u201d
\u201cCan I go in there?\u201d
\u201cNot just yet.\u201d
Suddenly, a polyphonic ringtone of Nine Inch Nails\u2019 \u201cCloser\u201d sounded loudly from Jono\u2019s pocket.
\u201cSir, you\u2019ll have to keep that off while you\u2019re inside. If you want to use it, you\u2019re welcome to go outside the hospital.\u201d
\u201cUhh, right.\u201d Jono switched his phone off. \u201cHow long until he wakes up?\u201d
Dr. St. Croix shook her head. \u201cI honestly don\u2019t know. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d
Jono nodded, and proceeded toward the Accident and Emergency exit. As he walked through the doors, he switched his phone on again and noticed several missed calls and two voicemails. Three of the calls were from Nati. The others were from his roommates, whom he had left a note for.
*SHIT!* he thought. He quickly called up her number and hit the \u201ctalk\u201d button. It rang. *God, I hope she doesn\u2019t \u2013 how the hell am I going to tell her my roommate\u2019s in a coma?*
There was a click, and then a voice. \u201cHello?\u201d
___________

An hour and a half later, as Jono sat with Luke and Max waiting for the chief resident to produce a verdict on their housemate, Nati dashed into the hospital, skidding to a stop when she saw Jono.
He stood up when he saw her and approached her slowly. She reached up and caressed his cheek. \u201cHave you been in to see him yet?\u201d
Jono shook his head. Nati wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head into his shoulder. \u201cHe\u2019ll be okay.\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019re just saying that.\u201d
She smiled. \u201cWell, do you want me to tell you he\u2019s going to die?\u201d
\u201cPoint taken.\u201d
She gave him a kiss. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here,\u201d he said. \u201cI was afraid you weren\u2019t going to buy the whole, \u2018My flatmate\u2019s in a coma\u2019 excuse, and I mean \u2026 we\u2019ve only known each other for a few days.\u201d
\u201cDoes that mean I somehow can\u2019t care?\u201d
\u201cDon\u2019t you work?\u201d
\u201cOnly four days of the week.\u201d
Jono smiled. He really liked this girl."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:226599","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/226599.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=226599"}}],"title":"More fic.","published":"2005-08-03T21:41:41Z","updated":"2005-08-04T22:04:07Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"Author\u2019s notes: Okay, for those of you who haven\u2019t been paying attention, part 6 is up on <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span>\u2019s journal. Also, La Prima Tazza is a coffee shop in Lawrence, KS. I don\u2019t know coffee shops in London, but I will have to find some, as I am adamantly anti-Starbucks.



They had agreed to meet at a coffee shop in Camden. Nati wandered out of the train station, toward the markets. La Prima Tazza was just a small stand near Cyberdog, but it was her favorite. As she walked, she tried as well as she could to block the radio waves coming from the various shops out of her head. *Stupid crap power,* she thought as she grabbed her iPod headphones in an attempt to drown out the cacophony in her head. At least once she got near Cyberdog, there would be good music bouncing around.
She still couldn\u2019t quite remember what this Jono character looked like. Was he shorter or taller? The one in the Misfits shirt or no?
She had thought she gave her card to the taller one.
\u201cNati?\u201d
She whirled around.
\u201cWell. I know we weren\u2019t supposed to meet until the coffee shop, but your hair makes you \u2026 sort of obvious.\u201d
*Wow, never heard that before,* she thought. She smiled and shook his hand. \u201cWell, better that you recognize me, because I barely remember getting home last night.\u201d
They continued walking, small-talking their way to the coffee shop.
\u201cSo, you\u2019re in a band, huh?\u201d Nati cocked an eyebrow as they waited for their drinks.
\u201cYeah,\u201d Jono replied. \u201cMe and a few of my mates.\u201d
\u201cYou look sort of familiar,\u201d she said. \u201cYou played in Brixton ever?\u201d
\u201cCan\u2019t say as we have. Maybe it\u2019s just from last night?\u201d
\u201cI guess \u2026\u201d
_______________

Brian, foaming lager in hand, hit play on the stereo. KMFDM\u2019s \u201cRetro\u201d album. *Perfect,* he thought. *All the hits, since I\u2019ve no clue what Jono\u2019s done with the rest of my KMFDM albums.* The kitten stood on top of one of the speakers, staring at him.
\u201cFuck off.\u201d
As \u201cJuke Joint Jezebel\u201d came on, Brian gave the volume knob on the stereo one full turn to the right, to an almost deafening decibel level. Almost.
The kitten screeched as the speaker shuddered underneath it\u2019s paws and leapt onto the floor, bounding out of the room.
Brian proceeded to headbang his way around the living room. \u201cBeeee miiiiiiiiiiiiine! Sister salvatiooooooooooon!\u201d he screamed along with the music.
Suddenly, there was a jolt of pain in his head. All the lights went out, along with the rest of the electricity, and the last thing he remembered was seeing the kitten coming toward him as he hit the floor with a resounding thud.

___________________

\u201cSo this is great coffee,\u201d Jono said. \u201cI didn\u2019t even know about this place, and I live up here.\u201d
Nati smiled. \u201cBest kept secret in Camden,\u201d she said. This guy was really something, she thought. Not like most of the bastards she met. Didn\u2019t seem like the type who was only out for sex, but then, they never did seem that way at first.
They were wandering around the market when Jono grabbed a long, fitted leather jacket. \u201cThink this\u2019ll be good on me?\u201d He put it on and spun around.
\u201cUgh. So<\/i> not you. Give it.\u201d Nati put the jacket away, found a smaller labcoat-style jacket in blue vinyl and slipped it on.
\u201cOh, but that is so<\/i> you,\u201d Jono said, pulling her toward him.
Nati grinned. \u201cYou think?\u201d
Jono bent his head down toward hers. \u201cOh yes,\u201d he said; and kissed her.

Two hours later \u2026 <\/i>

Jono and Nati stepped off the Tube in Brixton. \u201cI can\u2019t believe you came all the way back here just to make sure I got here all right,\u201d she said.
\u201cWell, you never know when someone\u2019ll leave an unidentified parcel, right?\u201d
\u201cThere might just be some gentleman in you yet, Mr. Starsmore.\u201d She linked arms with him as they stepped back into the sunlight. \u201cRare day, isn\u2019t it?\u201d
\u201cPerfect day, more like,\u201d he said. She laughed.
\u201cWell, that\u2019s my flat right there, so \u2026\u201d She looked down.
\u201cYeah, I\u2019ve got band practice in an hour. But it was great, y\u2019know? Hanging out and all.\u201d
\u201cYeah. Call me?\u201d
He leaned in for another kiss. \u201cAbsolutely.\u201d
She walked into her flat, eyes lingering on Jono as he walked down the road back to the Underground. Inside, no one was home. After collapsing on the floor and giggling uncontrollably, she went into her room and switched the computer on.
*Another mail from this Brian guy \u2026 wonder if I should tell him about this afternoon?*

From: Brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
To: bitsofsound@gmail.com
Subject: Weird Day<\/b>

I went to Heaven too! Wonder if I saw you? Probably did- but probably don't remember it, hahaha! Hope the guy who took your card doesn't turn out to have been one of my friends- they're all pricks, or gay.
And Jono's both, hahahaha, Just Kidding. Honest.
Weird day followed my weird dreams- there was a power failure in the petrol station when I was buying milk and beers (the breakfast of champions, no?) but when I got back to the house there seemed to be no sign it had gone any further, because the house was fine...
...if a little untidy. My housemates are pigs.
Anyway... post those pics!

Bri
(who now has to go rescue a kitten.)
(from the bath, of all places.)
(honestly...)

Nati grinned and grabbed her digital camera. Snapping a few quick shots of herself, she edited for size and uploaded them to her AintIGreat profile. *There. Updated. That last hair color was just completely<\/i> outdated. We\u2019ll see what he thinks of the purple.*

From: bitsofsound@gmail.com
To: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Re: Weird day <\/b>

That\u2019s fucked up. You went to Heaven, I went to Heaven, I gave my card to some asshole who turned out to be named Jono \u2026
\u2026 Who couldn\u2019t possibly be your friend because he\u2019s certainly not gay and definitely not a prick. Spent all day looking at leather and vinyl jackets in Camden. Kind of rare to find a guy who\u2019ll go shopping with you, right?
Anyway. I put those pics up. Now, I showed you mine \u2026 how about you show me yours?

Nati
(who hopes the kitten is okay)
(and what was it doing in the bath?)
(you have a fucked up cat)
<\/a>

I promised this to <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span> by the time he woke up today. Which was hours ago. I suck, but hopefully, this makes your day a bit better? You can write your angst over the stupid bastards at the job place into your next installment!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:226003","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/226003.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=226003"}}],"title":"Ganked from John.","published":"2005-07-22T16:28:17Z","updated":"2005-07-22T17:30:35Z","content":"Casting Call

I think it's inevitable that as we read each other's journals
we create mental pictures of each other. Post this on your own journal
to find out who your friends see when they read about your life.
Two Rules:
1.
The person must be in the movies or on TV (but doesn't have to be an
actor\/actress). The person can be specific to a role (e.g. Jennifer
Elhe's Elizabeth Bennett) or just the person themself.
2. You have to post a link to a picture of said person in the comments.<\/i>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:223940","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/223940.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=223940"}}],"title":"Fic thing 5","published":"2005-07-08T16:56:36Z","updated":"2005-08-04T22:04:45Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"For those of you who aren't on his journal, parts 2 and 4 can be found at <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span>.



Jono picked up the phone and dialed the mobile number on the business card he\u2019d received last night. 2 p.m. seemed like an all right time to see if the purple-haired girl remembered who he was.
\"Hello?\"
\"Erm. Hi. Is this Natila Grey?\" Jono came into the living room, business card in hand and grinning nervously.
\"Yes, who\u2019s calling?\"
\"My name\u2019s Jono. Starsmore. Uhm \u2026 I met you last night at Heaven?\"
\"I met a lot of people last night at Heaven. Can\u2019t remember most of \u2018em.\"
Brian idly listened to the conversation, while checking to see if anyone new had added him on AintIGreat.
\"Well, I was there with a friend of mine. I was wearing a Misfits t-shirt and leather trousers, and then there was the ugly tall ponce standing next to me in black jeans and \u2013 Oi, mate, you throw my cat at me again and it\u2019ll be the last time you use that hand. Sorry, roommate issues. Anyway \u2026\"
Brian glared at Jono menacingly, kitten in hand. He set the kitten down. \"That was MY business card, you fuck,\" he muttered.
\"Yeah, well, she gave it to me, now shut up. Sorry, what was that?\"
The girl on the other line sighed. \"I was just saying that I think I remember you and your friend. Not really all that clearly, but I remember some guy in a Misfits t-shirt.\"
\"Yeah, that\u2019d be me. We didn\u2019t really get a chance to chat then, and I was wondering if you\u2019d maybe like to have a cup of coffee?\" Jono wandered back into his room.
Luke looked at Brian. \"So you<\/i> got someone\u2019s number, eh?\"
\"Piss off.\"

*********

Nati rubbed her eyes and turned to the computer. Dave knocked on her door.
\"Mornin\u2019. You and Risa have a good night?\"
\"Apparently I just agreed to have coffee with some guy I don\u2019t remember, who said I gave him my card.\" Nati shook her head. \"So I guess we did.\"
\"When\u2019s the coffee?\"
\"In about an hour and a half.\" Nati got up and stretched, catlike in her movements. \"Suppose I should have a shower.\"
Dave grinned. \"Might be wise.\"
45 minutes later, as she dressed, she started to hear music. She looked around her room. Stereo is off. Computer is sleeping. \"Where is it coming \u2013 ow. OW! Mother fuck!\" Nati shrieked as she realized the music was in her head, booming happy hardcore from \u2013
\"DAVE!\"
The volume lessened.
\"What?\"
\"What the FUCK have I told you about playing that shite?\" She yelled as she walked across the living room to the kitchen counter, where they kept the paracetamol.
\"Oops. Sorry, forgot the \u2018no happy hardcore after Nati wakes up\u2019 rule.\"
\"For fuck\u2019s sake, don\u2019t forget again. You know I can\u2019t pipe it out of my head when there\u2019s no one else around.\"
\"I know, I know. What I don\u2019t know is how you deal with that every day.\"
Nati smiled. \"Well, usually I\u2019m surrounded by people. Plus, no radio allowed in the office.\"
Dave shook his head, puzzled. \"I thought you mutants were supposed to do cool things, like fly and save the world and all that. How\u2019d you end up with such a crap lot?\"
Nati shrugged and headed for the door, downing a handful of painkillers as she went.
\"Nati!\"
\"What, Dave?\"
\"Your hair was purple last night, not orange.\"
\"Oh. Shit.\" She shifted her hair, lengthening it and pulling it up into two knots on either side of her head (above her ears, so as not to have a purple-haired Princess Leia look). \"Better?\"
\"Yep.\"

*********

From: bitsofsound@gmail.com
To: Brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Bad Dreams
Saturday, 30 June, 15:16:03

Huh. That\u2019s weird that you were at a gay bar. I went out to Heaven last night with my roommate Risa. Which bar were you at?
I guess I did meet someone, albeit briefly. Apparently, I gave him my card, because he called a bit ago.
Sorry about the cut and the nightmare. What happened? I mean, it must have been some kind of fucked up since you said it was \"the mother of all nightmares.\"
Hmmmm \u2026 cheering up, cheering up. Maybe later I\u2019ll take some new photos and put them up on AintIGreat. Would that help? I mean, you must have found me attractive; isn\u2019t that the point of these sites? You click on the pretty ones?
Anyway. I\u2019m off for coffee.

--Nati"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:223074","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/223074.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=223074"}}],"title":"Part 3","published":"2005-07-03T20:21:23Z","updated":"2005-08-04T22:05:31Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"Okay, we\u2019ve sorted the genre: Movieverse TCP. \u201cJack\u201d belongs to a DJ named Fingers, Heaven is a gay bar in London with some really great music, and I credit the term, \u201ccunting wankered\u201d to <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span>.



In the beginning, there was Jack
And Jack had a groove
And from this groove came the groove of all grooves
And while one day viciously throwing down on his box
Jack boldy declared, \u201cLet there be house!\u201d
And house music was born<\/i>

Inside Heaven, the crowd writhed and twisted against each other as Anne Savage spun them into delirium. Hard house leading to boys groping each other and girls shakin\u2019 what their mama gave \u2018em, centered around two girls battling each other on the dance floor. One had purple hair, tied in small knots sticking up from the top of her head; the other a shock of pink and green foam extensions in pigtails. The lights were flashing, bass pumping and sexual tension rising with the music.

\u201dI am, you see
I am the creator
And this is MY house
But I am not so selfish
Because once you enter my house
It then becomes OUR house and OUR house music
And you see, no one man owns house
Because house music is a universal language
Spoken and understood by all\"<\/i>

The two girls spun and jumped, shook and melded and came apart again until suddenly \u2013
\u201cNati!\u201d
The purple-haired girl whipped around.
\u201cDanny!\u201d She squealed as she hugged her friend. \u201cI thought you weren\u2019t coming out tonight!\u201d
\u201dOh, sweetie, you know I can\u2019t be kept away from this place,\u201d he said. \u201cBesides, I\u2019ve been working on that guy in the corner.\u201d He pointed to an Asian man, average height and blond hair, standing by the bar.
\u201cOoooh, good luck, baby!\u201d
Nati grabbed her pink-haired counterpart. Turning back to Danny, she stumbled and fell into him. Looking up at his chin, she giggled, \u201cDanny, I want you to meet someone. She\u2019s \u2026 she\u2019s my \u2026 oh fuck, who \u2013 she lives with me. \u2018S Risa. M\u2019flatmate.\u201d
\u201cDear girl, you are cunting wankered<\/i>, aren\u2019t you?\u201d Danny propped Nati up, and Risa stood with her arms on Nati\u2019s shoulders.
\u201cAm not! I\u2019ve only had \u2014 \u201d
\u201cEntirely too fucking much,\u201d said Risa. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s go to the bar and get you a nice glass of water.\u201d
***********

Two hours earlier \u2026<\/i>

\u201cOi!\u201d Max stood over her sleeping flatmate, hand raised as if ready to slap him.
\u201cMmph.\u201d Brian rolled over and pulled the duvet over his head.
\u201cCome on, you stupid git. You promised you\u2019d come clubbing with Luke, Jono and I if we went to the football match with you.\u201d
\u201cDid not,\u201d Brian muttered.
\u201cFuck you, you did so,\u201d she said, yanking the cover off him. \u201cJono! He\u2019s refusing to get out of bed! Do I need to have him come in here and throw you in the shower?\u201d
\u201cChrist, no! I\u2019m coming, okay?\u201d
Brian rolled out of bed, grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom. *How did I let them talk me into this?* he thought as the hot water rolled over his long, greenish-black hair and lanky frame. Sighing, he hurried through the shower, lest his roommates threaten worse. Jono was still angry about the cat-flinging incident earlier, so no reason to get on his bad side.
Emerging from the steaming bathroom, he heard Luke on the phone. \u201cYeah, we\u2019re leaving as soon as Max finishes her makeup. I know, I know. I\u2019d say about an hour. Because she\u2019s a perfectionist and it takes her forever to get it done! Yeah, me too. I\u2019m really looking for someone tonight, I\u2019m tired of sleeping alone.\u201d
Brian glanced at Luke. If they were going somewhere for Luke to pick up guys \u2026 *No, they wouldn\u2019t \u2026 they wouldn\u2019t drag me to a gay bar, would they?*
He sat down at the computer and surfed to Yahoo.

From: bitsofsound@gmail.com
To: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Flying Cats
Friday, 29 June, 17:30:31

Unfortunately, my roommate Dave is allergic to cats, or I\u2019d take it.

So Camden, huh? I\u2019m down in Brixton, myself. It\u2019s nice, and it\u2019s near a lot of good clubs. Like The Church. But I\u2019m so tired of that place. I think Risa and I are going somewhere else tonight, but she hasn\u2019t told me where. Not that it matters, by the time we\u2019re done I\u2019ll hardly remember where I\u2019ve been.
Do you like clubbing? I know you\u2019re into death metal and all that, but to be honest, it\u2019s not really my scene. Give me hard house or give me death!
Anyway, I\u2019d better get showered and ready for tonight.
--Nati

P.S.: Let me know when your next gig is; it may not be my scene, but it\u2019s not to say I won\u2019t try it on for a night.

Brian smiled. This girl seemed genuinely interested.
\u201cYou ready to go, cat-tosser?\u201d Jono glared maniacally at the seated Brian.
\u201cLook, I\u2019m holding up my end of the bargain, Starsmore. Let\u2019s just leave it.\u201d
\u201cYou seem \u2026 happy. Why\u2019re you so happy, mate? That internet girl write back?\u201d
\u201cYeah. She did. What\u2019s it to you?\u201d
Jono cackled. \u201cOoooh, Doom\u2019n\u2019Gloom\u2019s got an imaginary girlfriend!\u201d
**********

In the bathroom at Heaven, Nati was bent over, in full \u201cworshipping the porcelain goddess\u201d position.
\u201cFuck! I hate this part,\u201d she choked out between retches.
\u201cYeah, well at least you haven\u2019t puked the pill up, so when you\u2019ve finished this disgusting bit, you\u2019ll feel a lot better,\u201d Risa grimaced. She hated this part, too.
Nati stood up slowly. \u201cOkay, I think I\u2019m good.\u201d
\u201cYou sure?\u201d
\u201cYeah. Plenty more dancing to be done tonight, don\u2019t you think?\u201d
\u201cLet\u2019s get you that bottle of water first; I think you need it.\u201d
Risa and Nati approached the bar, where Risa ordered them both some water. \u201cWouldn\u2019t want you getting dehydrated like last time,\u201d Risa said. \u201cAlmost had to take you to A&E.\u201d
**********

Brian sighed. \u201cI can\u2019t believe you twats took me to a gay bar.\u201d
\u201cThat\u2019s what you get for flinging my cat at me, mate.\u201d
Jono and Brian stood at the bar, gazing at the same-sex action. \u201cBut at least it\u2019s good music,\u201d Jono said. \u201cAnd full of fit women \u2026\u201d His voice trailed off as two girls, both with outrageously neon hair, approached the bar. \u201cI\u2019ll try the pink and green, you try the purple, eh?\u201d
Brian turned to look. Indeed, there were two gorgeous women walking toward them. The purple-haired one had on blue vinyl trousers that hugged every curve just right, and what appeared to be a piece of fabric held together with very small strings that tied in back covering her top half. The pink-and-green-haired girl had on a pink halter that said, \u201cI kiss girls\u201d and a miniskirt that only attempted to cover everything.
\u201cNah, man. They\u2019ve probably just got back from lezzin\u2019 off together.\u201d
\u201cAll the more reason to try, right?\u201d Jono winked and began his approach.
Brian rolled his eyes and followed. If nothing else, the purple-haired one looked kind of familiar.
**********

\u201cMight we buy you ladies a drink?\u201d The slightly shorter guy asked. He might well have been talking to a brick wall, since the music volume could barely be shouted over.
\u201cWhat?\u201d Nati turned around. The one in the Misfits t-shirt had asked her something.
\u201cCan we buy you two a drink?\u201d he shouted into her ear.
Risa tapped Nati\u2019s shoulder. \u201cWhat\u2019s \u2018e want? And who gives a shit anyway, I love this track! Come on!\u201d
\u201cBut look at them, they\u2019re hot!\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019ve had enough to drink. Stick with the water,\u201d Risa said as she yanked on Nati\u2019s arm. Nati made a pouting face. \u201cFine.\u201d She turned back to the two guys. \u201cWait a minute, Risa.\u201d She looked at the taller of the pair and said, \u201cI think I\u2019ve seen you before!\u201d
\u201cWhat?\u201d he shouted.
\u201cNever mind! Here,\u201d she shouted as she slipped her business card into the shorter one\u2019s pants pocket. \u201cGive me a call sometime!\u201d And with that, she disappeared in the crowd."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:222720","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/222720.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=222720"}}],"title":"Bored at work.","published":"2005-07-01T21:29:46Z","updated":"2005-08-04T22:05:55Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},"content":"Okay, <\/a>skellingtonjon<\/b><\/a><\/span>, remember how we were going to do that fic together, apparently back in 2003? Well, I stumbled upon one of the e-mails that we'd exchanged on the subject, and plotbunnies were born. So I am posting the first half. You put up the next section. That is your challenge. And I'd like to see it posted by the end of next week or sooner. It seems to be a TCP, I think.



As-of-yet untitled fic project
Rating: Dunno, we'll see where this goes.
Concept: TCP belongs to Kielle and Phil. AintIGreat blatantly ripped off of Hotornot concept.
Disclaimer: Um. Here's hoping that if Hotornot sees it, they understand that AintIGreat is a parody and therefore I am fully within my rights.<\/i>
**********

From: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
To: bitsofmusic@gmail.com
Subject: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 12:21:09

Hiya Soundbyte.
I saw your photo on \"AintIGreat\" and thought I'd send you a message.
That makes me sound *really* shallow, right? It wasn't just the photo, it was the profile, too. Here's a bit about me in case you feel like writing me back:
-I'm the bassist in a Metallica tribute band called \"Creeping Death\".
-I once drank a glass of olive oil for a bet.
-I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.
The rest can be found on my \"AintIGreat\" profile.
(What, you really thought I was going to bother re-typing all that
*again*?)
I'm attaching a photo in case you're interested. I'm the guy on the right - the others are the rest of my band. I'm the tall one, and then there's Jono (our singer), Harry (our guitarist) and Steve (our drummer and resident drunk). E-mail me back or summat - \"AintIGreat\" charges you to send messages, apparently...
-BrainWaster-

*********

Nati stared at her e-mail. Another e-mail from some stupid twat at AintIGreat.com. \"Maybe this one'll be interesting,\" she muttered.
She surfed over to AintIGreat to take a look at his profile and photograph. \"Hm. Not bad, not - oh dear lord, what the hell IS IT about Anna Kournikova?\"
Sighing, she closed down Firefox and went downstairs for breakfast.
\"Afternoon, Nati.\"
Her flatmate, Dave, grinned as she entered the kitchen in a wifebeater and boxers. \"You look a bit rough. Were you a naughty girl last night?\"
\"You know, the more you play that joke with my name, the funnier it gets,\" she spat back.
\"Well, you didn't get back until four hours ago. What were you up to?\"
Nati stared daggers at Dave. \"You ask me this every Friday night. Where do you think I was?\"
\"Fine, fine, you were out at The Cross, getting pissed and dancing with a bunch of strange men. Excuse me for trying to make conversation.\"
Nati poured herself a bowl of granola and sat down at the table.
\"So who were you last night?\" Dave grabbed his Marmite-covered toast and sat down with her. \"A playful blonde cheerleader? A tough, black-haired bitch? What?\" He reached out to touch her starkly dark blue hair, which was normal for Nati. Suddenly, her hair shifted, curled and turned into a nice, natural red. She raised an eyebrow.
\"Oh, I see. They always go for the redhead.\"
She stared at her cereal. \"Fuck this shit,\" she said. \"I'm going back to bed.\"

********

From: bitsofmusic@gmail.com
To: brainwaster420@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09

Hey. I\u2019m not online very much, and I don\u2019t check my e-mail too often. But you seem sort of interesting, and I\u2019m always up for knowing new people.
I\u2019m Nati. I live in London, where I work as a secretary while trying to make a go of it as a professional poet. The last bit\u2019s not going very well.
I go out clubbing every weekend, and if you\u2019ve been to any clubs in London lately, you\u2019ve probably seen me around (although my hair color changes once a week).
Anyway, if you feel like responding, I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll get around to checking my mail eventually.
--Nati"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:219710","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/219710.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=219710"}}],"title":"*laughs like a maniac*","published":"2005-05-27T14:23:54Z","updated":"2005-05-27T14:23:54Z","content":"The following article was found in my e-mail this morning, as I get the New York Times headlines every morning ...

British Medical Experts Campaign for Long, Pointy Knife Control
By JOHN SCHWARTZ



Warning: Long, pointy knives may be hazardous to your health.

The authors of an editorial in the latest issue of the British Medical Journal have called for knife reform. The editorial, \"Reducing knife crime: We need to ban the sale of long, pointed kitchen knives,\" notes that the knives are being used to stab people as well as roasts and the odd tin of Spam.

The authors of the essay - Drs. Emma Hern, Will Glazebrook and Mike Beckett of the West Middlesex University Hospital in London - called for laws requiring knife manufacturers to redesign their wares with rounded, blunt tips.

The researchers noted that the rate of violent crime in Britain rose nearly 18 percent from 2003 to 2004, and that in the first two weeks of 2005, 15 killings and 16 nonfatal attacks involved stabbings. In an unusual move for a scholarly work, the researchers cited a January headline from The Daily Express, a London tabloid: \"Britain is in the grip of knives terror - third of murder victims are now stabbed to death.\" Dr. Hern said that \"we came up with the idea and tossed it into the pot\" to get people talking about crime reduction. \"Whether it's a sensible solution to this problem or not, I'm not sure.\"

In the United States, where people are more likely to debate gun control than knife control, partisans on both sides sounded amused. Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association, asked, \"Are they going to have everybody using plastic knives and forks and spoons in their own homes, like they do in airlines?\"

Peter Hamm, a spokesman for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, which supports gun control, joked, \"Can sharp stick control be far behind?\" He said people in his movement were \"envious\" of England for having such problems. \"In America, we can't even come to an agreement that guns are dangerous and we should make them safer,\" he said.

The authors of the editorial argued that the pointed tip is a vestigial feature from less mannered ages, when people used it to spear meat. They said that they interviewed 10 chefs in England, and that \"none gave a reason why the long, pointed knife was essential,\" though short, pointed knives were useful.

An American chef, however, disagreed with the proposal. \"This is yet another sign of the coming apocalypse,\" said Anthony Bourdain, the executive chef at Les Halles and the author of \"Kitchen Confidential.\"

A knife, he said, is a beloved tool of the trade, and not a thing to be shaped by bureaucrats. A chef's relationship with his knives develops over decades of training and work, he said, adding, \"Its weight, its shape - these are all extensions of our arms, and in many ways, our personalities.\"

He compared the editorial to efforts to ban unpasteurized cheese. \"Where there is no risk,\" he said, \"there is no pleasure.\"
<\/a>

Seriously, folks ... that's just ... wow. And they cited a TABLOID as a reference. That's some good scientific research ..."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:219135","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/219135.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=219135"}}],"title":"Erm ...","published":"2005-05-19T14:41:13Z","updated":"2005-05-19T14:41:13Z","content":"So I'm having a major spaceout problem ...

Will Jake\/jmvarsity at yahoo dot com please identify yourself?

Your e-mail sounds familiar ... but I don't think I know a Jake except for my brother's friend Hiersteiner ..."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:218250","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/218250.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=218250"}}],"title":"*calm*","published":"2005-05-12T20:19:22Z","updated":"2005-05-12T20:21:32Z","content":"Stuff with Roy went really well. Not sure what's going to happen now, but I feel better. Turns out his policy is to only speak with one person at a time, so he invited me to talk to him after the big company employee appreciation lunch (at which I won a $25 Visa gift card, to be used anywhere I damn well please).

In the meantime ...

Ask me three questions in the comments section - any three questions - and I will answer them honestly. Then, post this in your LJ and I will ask YOU three questions, to which you will reply.<\/b>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:217085","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/217085.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=217085"}}],"title":"AUUUUUUGGGGGHHH!","published":"2005-05-04T14:23:09Z","updated":"2005-05-04T14:23:09Z","content":"*repeatedly slams head on desk*

I slaved over that story for two and a half hours last night ... that stupid motherfucking evolution\/intelligent design story ... and apparently, it's \"really ragged and needs cleaning up.\"

Not that I don't agree. I just wish he'd given me more than four days to get this story. This is not the kind of piece you take on in four days. Of course it sucks, because I didn't have any time to make it better (considering I had two other stories to put out).

*stomps evolution\/intelligent design debate into the curb* WHY WON'T YOU DIE??? Then I wouldn't have to write about this stupid, stupid debate (that's really only another way to crumble the walls between church and state and get religion into schools under the guise of science).

*cries*

It's my birthday tomorrow and instead of being excited, I just want to curl up and die for a while. I want sleep. Good, restful sleep, which I won't be getting tonight.

NO! SLEEP! 'TILL BROOKLYN!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:yonaelka:216595","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/216595.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/yonaelka.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=216595"}}],"title":"If anybody loves me ...","published":"2005-04-30T03:17:25Z","updated":"2005-04-30T03:17:25Z","content":"They will get me some of these<\/a> for my birthday.

I think the stomach ache one defines my life, or the sore throat. But mono is pretty and purple!"}]}