For continuity purposes . . .
... and in case anyone was wondering about the other half of the fic ...
As-of-yet untitled fic project
By
yonaelka and skellingtonjon
Rating: Dunno, we'll see where this goes.
Concept: TCP belongs to Kielle and Phil. AintIGreat blatantly ripped off of Hotornot concept.
Disclaimer: Um. Here's hoping that if Hotornot sees it, they understand that AintIGreat is a parody and therefore we are fully within our rights.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 12:21:09
Hiya Soundbyte.
I saw your photo on "AintIGreat" and thought I'd send you a message.
That makes me sound *really* shallow, right? It wasn't just the photo, it was the profile, too. Here's a bit about me in case you feel like writing me back:
-I'm the bassist in a Metallica tribute band called "Creeping Death".
-I once drank a glass of olive oil for a bet.
-I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.
The rest can be found on my "AintIGreat" profile.
(What, you really thought I was going to bother re-typing all that
*again*?)
I'm attaching a photo in case you're interested. I'm the guy on the right - the others are the rest of my band. I'm the tall one, and then there's Jono (our singer), Harry (our guitarist) and Steve (our drummer and resident drunk). E-mail me back or summat - "AintIGreat" charges you to send messages, apparently...
-BrainWaster-
*********
Nati stared at her e-mail. Another e-mail from some stupid twat at AintIGreat.com. "Maybe this one'll be interesting," she muttered.
She surfed over to AintIGreat to take a look at his profile and photograph. "Hm. Not bad, not - oh dear lord, what the hell IS IT about Anna Kournikova?"
Sighing, she closed down Firefox and went downstairs for breakfast.
"Afternoon, Nati."
Her flatmate, Dave, grinned as she entered the kitchen in a wifebeater and boxers. "You look a bit rough. Were you a naughty girl last night?"
"You know, the more you play that joke with my name, the funnier it gets," she spat back.
"Well, you didn't get back until four hours ago. What were you up to?"
Nati stared daggers at Dave. "You ask me this every Friday night. Where do you think I was?"
"Fine, fine, you were out at The Cross, getting pissed and dancing with a bunch of strange men. Excuse me for trying to make conversation."
Nati poured herself a bowl of granola and sat down at the table.
"So who were you last night?" Dave grabbed his Marmite-covered toast and sat down with her. "A playful blonde cheerleader? A tough, black-haired bitch? What?" He reached out to touch her starkly dark blue hair, which was normal for Nati. Suddenly, her hair shifted, curled and turned into a nice, natural red. She raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, I see. They always go for the redhead."
She stared at her cereal. "Fuck this shit," she said. "I'm going back to bed."
********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09
Hey. I’m not online very much, and I don’t check my e-mail too often. But you seem sort of interesting, and I’m always up for knowing new people.
I’m Nati. I live in London, where I work as a secretary while trying to make a go of it as a professional poet. The last bit’s not going very well.
I go out clubbing every weekend, and if you’ve been to any clubs in London lately, you’ve probably seen me around (although my hair color changes once a week).
Anyway, if you feel like responding, I’m sure I’ll get around to checking my mail eventually.
--Nati
*********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09
Hey. I’m not online very much, and I don’t check my e-mail too often. But you seem sort of interesting, and I’m always up for knowing new people.
I’m Nati. I live in London, where I work as a secretary while trying to make a go of it as a professional poet. The last bit’s not going very well.
I go out clubbing every weekend, and if you’ve been to any clubs in London lately, you’ve probably seen me around (although my hair color changes once a week).
Anyway, if you feel like responding, I’m sure I’ll get around to checking my mail eventually.
--Nati
The kitten stared daggers at Brian over the top of the monitor.
It often did- it had the rather annoying habit of sneaking behind the monitor, then leaping up on top of it and trying to savage the cursor as it sped about the screen.
He often wanted to throw things at it, but as Jono was sitting in the room (and it was Jono's kitten) that wouldn't be a good idea this time.
And anyway, the girl he'd messaged on AintIGreat had got back to him, despite seeing his photo. This was a good sign.
"What you up to, Brian, mate?"
That was Jono. He couldn't really say "trying to talk to girls", now could he?
"Looking at porn, mate."
Jono cackled, and Brian knew that had to have been the wrong answer to give.
"Mate, how are you ever gonna get any if you admit to it the first time anyone asks what you're doing?"
Brian didn't answer. Jono didn't care.
"It's like that gig we did at the Underworld. All those girls hanging around afterwards, and what did you want to do? Drink 'til yer brain fell out."
Brian still didn't rise to his bandmate's teasing. It was best not to, and anyway, it gave him time to think of a reply to-
"And that girl you met that night in the Electric Ballroom? Sick down her, weren't you, if I recall correctly?"
That was it.
That was it.
"Jono?"
"Yeah, mate?"
"Catch."
The kitten was flung through the air, using all four legs as brakes.
Claws met face.
Jono shrieked.
Life was good...
*********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Flying Cats
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09
Hey, thanks for replying, Nati- didn't think you would- thought you might have been scared off by the Horror That Is Steve, hahaha.
So you're in London, huh? I'm in Camden meself- I share a place with Jono and two other guys, several guitars, basses, gig posters, mountains of washing up, the bodies of the fallen (haha, just kidding... ummm, remind me never to make that joke to girls again...)
Oh, and Jono's kitten. Do you like cats? You can have this one if you do...
--Brian
*********
In the beginning, there was Jack
And Jack had a groove
And from this groove came the groove of all grooves
And while one day viciously throwing down on his box
Jack boldy declared, “Let there be house!”
And house music was born
Inside Heaven, the crowd writhed and twisted against each other as Anne Savage spun them into delirium. Hard house leading to boys groping each other and girls shakin’ what their mama gave ‘em, centered around two girls battling each other on the dance floor. One had purple hair, tied in small knots sticking up from the top of her head; the other a shock of pink and green foam extensions in pigtails. The lights were flashing, bass pumping and sexual tension rising with the music.
I am, you see
I am the creator
And this is MY house
But I am not so selfish
Because once you enter my house
It then becomes OUR house and OUR house music
And you see, no one man owns house
Because house music is a universal language
Spoken and understood by all
The two girls spun and jumped, shook and melded and came apart again until suddenly –
“Nati!”
The purple-haired girl whipped around.
“Danny!” She squealed as she hugged her friend. “I thought you weren’t coming out tonight!”
”Oh, sweetie, you know I can’t be kept away from this place,” he said. “Besides, I’ve been working on that guy in the corner.” He pointed to an Asian man, average height and blond hair, standing by the bar.
“Ooooh, good luck, baby!”
Nati grabbed her pink-haired counterpart. Turning back to Danny, she stumbled and fell into him. Looking up at his chin, she giggled, “Danny, I want you to meet someone. She’s … she’s my … oh fuck, who – she lives with me. ‘S Risa. M’flatmate.”
“Dear girl, you are cunting wankered, aren’t you?” Danny propped Nati up, and Risa stood with her arms on Nati’s shoulders.
“Am not! I’ve only had — ”
“Entirely too fucking much,” said Risa. “Come on, let’s go to the bar and get you a nice glass of water.”
***********
Two hours earlier …
“Oi!” Max stood over her sleeping flatmate, hand raised as if ready to slap him.
“Mmph.” Brian rolled over and pulled the duvet over his head.
“Come on, you stupid git. You promised you’d come clubbing with Luke, Jono and I if we went to the football match with you.”
“Did not,” Brian muttered.
“Fuck you, you did so,” she said, yanking the cover off him. “Jono! He’s refusing to get out of bed! Do I need to have him come in here and throw you in the shower?”
“Christ, no! I’m coming, okay?”
Brian rolled out of bed, grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom. *How did I let them talk me into this?* he thought as the hot water rolled over his long, greenish-black hair and lanky frame. Sighing, he hurried through the shower, lest his roommates threaten worse. Jono was still angry about the cat-flinging incident earlier, so no reason to get on his bad side.
Emerging from the steaming bathroom, he heard Luke on the phone. “Yeah, we’re leaving as soon as Max finishes her makeup. I know, I know. I’d say about an hour. Because she’s a perfectionist and it takes her forever to get it done! Yeah, me too. I’m really looking for someone tonight, I’m tired of sleeping alone.”
Brian glanced at Luke. If they were going somewhere for Luke to pick up guys … *No, they wouldn’t … they wouldn’t drag me to a gay bar, would they?*
He sat down at the computer and surfed to Yahoo.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Flying Cats
Friday, 29 June, 17:30:31
Unfortunately, my roommate Dave is allergic to cats, or I’d take it.
So Camden, huh? I’m down in Brixton, myself. It’s nice, and it’s near a lot of good clubs. Like The Church. But I’m so tired of that place. I think Risa and I are going somewhere else tonight, but she hasn’t told me where. Not that it matters, by the time we’re done I’ll hardly remember where I’ve been.
Do you like clubbing? I know you’re into death metal and all that, but to be honest, it’s not really my scene. Give me hard house or give me death!
Anyway, I’d better get showered and ready for tonight.
--Nati
P.S.: Let me know when your next gig is; it may not be my scene, but it’s not to say I won’t try it on for a night.
Brian smiled. This girl seemed genuinely interested.
“You ready to go, cat-tosser?” Jono glared maniacally at the seated Brian.
“Look, I’m holding up my end of the bargain, Starsmore. Let’s just leave it.”
“You seem … happy. Why’re you so happy, mate? That internet girl write back?”
“Yeah. She did. What’s it to you?”
Jono cackled. “Ooooh, Doom’n’Gloom’s got an imaginary girlfriend!”
**********
In the bathroom at Heaven, Nati was bent over, in full “worshipping the porcelain goddess” position.
“Fuck! I hate this part,” she choked out between retches.
“Yeah, well at least you haven’t puked the pill up, so when you’ve finished this disgusting bit, you’ll feel a lot better,” Risa grimaced. She hated this part, too.
Nati stood up slowly. “Okay, I think I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Plenty more dancing to be done tonight, don’t you think?”
“Let’s get you that bottle of water first; I think you need it.”
Risa and Nati approached the bar, where Risa ordered them both some water. “Wouldn’t want you getting dehydrated like last time,” Risa said. “Almost had to take you to A&E.”
**********
Brian sighed. “I can’t believe you twats took me to a gay bar.”
“That’s what you get for flinging my cat at me, mate.”
Jono and Brian stood at the bar, gazing at the same-sex action. “But at least it’s good music,” Jono said. “And full of fit women …” His voice trailed off as two girls, both with outrageously neon hair, approached the bar. “I’ll try the pink and green, you try the purple, eh?”
Brian turned to look. Indeed, there were two gorgeous women walking toward them. The purple-haired one had on blue vinyl trousers that hugged every curve just right, and what appeared to be a piece of fabric held together with very small strings that tied in back covering her top half. The pink-and-green-haired girl had on a pink halter that said, “I kiss girls” and a miniskirt that only attempted to cover everything.
“Nah, man. They’ve probably just got back from lezzin’ off together.”
“All the more reason to try, right?” Jono winked and began his approach.
Brian rolled his eyes and followed. If nothing else, the purple-haired one looked kind of familiar.
**********
“Might we buy you ladies a drink?” The slightly shorter guy asked. He might well have been talking to a brick wall, since the music volume could barely be shouted over.
“What?” Nati turned around. The one in the Misfits t-shirt had asked her something.
“Can we buy you two a drink?” he shouted into her ear.
Risa tapped Nati’s shoulder. “What’s ‘e want? And who gives a shit anyway, I love this track! Come on!”
“But look at them, they’re hot!”
“You’ve had enough to drink. Stick with the water,” Risa said as she yanked on Nati’s arm. Nati made a pouting face. “Fine.” She turned back to the two guys. “Wait a minute, Risa.” She looked at the taller of the pair and said, “I think I’ve seen you before!”
“What?” he shouted.
“Never mind! Here,” she shouted as she slipped her business card into the shorter one’s pants pocket. “Give me a call sometime!” And with that, she disappeared in the crowd.
***********
I wake from a horrible nightmare of blood and teeth and fire only to realise that reality is far, far worse.
My head feels like Chernobyl- my mouth like Hiroshima.
I dread to think what my bowels will feel like.
Light streams in through my bedroom curtains- obviously I neglected to shut them before we went out last night.
Bleary with sleep, I try to shut them, but it's no use. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed and sitting up, I realise why- the curtains lie on the floor- pale, dead jellyfish. I shake my head and regret it- painkillers are needed, and quickly.
I head to the kitchen, cursing whichever housemate has their stereo on quite so loud this early in the morning- Ministry are great and everything, but even I have my limits.
Painkillers are chugged, the kettle goes on- I still don't feel human.
A glance at the microwave tells me it's not even morning any more- it's actually 88:88. Cursing, I try to remember if I was supposed to be doing anything today. It's not a Wednesday, so I don't have to go and sign on- it's not a Friday, so I don't have to go to band practise- I didn't pull last night, so I don't have to-
What's that awful smell?
I don't remember leaving anything cooking before going out.
Oh, God, don't tell me someone's making themself a fry-up. Please, God, how on earth can you sanction such-
Nothing is cooking, I realise, looking about me.
But the smell gets worse.
Invisible, insidious, it creeps into my nostrils and assails my brain with sensation.
Even dead sober this would be revolting.
Is it the kitten's food? Is that possible, is it-
No.
An empty can proclaims that it ate a "hearty meal of succulent meaty chunks in nourishing jelly, suitable for kittens and young cats everywhere as part of a sensible diet", but a single cursory sniff tells me that (although vile) this is most certainly not the source of the stench.
"Jono? Luke? Maxi?"
My voice sounds odd, hollow in my ears.
Probably the after-effects of that God-forsaken club they dragged me to last night. Many's a bad night I've had, I think, tossing the empty catfood tin into the bin, but nothing ever so awful as last night. Surely, I think, heading towards the lounge, nothing could be-
He stands there, turned towards me, eyes full of pleading, and I recoil in horror.
What the fuck?
Jono stands before me, engulfed in flames, fat dripping down and sizzling on the carpet, a horrible, impossible Roman Candle.
Dimly I hear screams, but I am transfixed. From waist to chin he is utterly, utterly consumed- a hideous human conflagration, a thing stepped blazing out of Hieronymous Bosch, a monstrous mockery of-
The screams are mine, I realise, as he staggers towards me, arms outstretched.
What the fuck is this, what the fuck has happened to him, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?
His outstretched hands brush against me and I flinch, feeling the heat wash over me like some insane heatwave. The involuntary motion upsets my equilibrium and I tumble to the ground, and he towers over me, gargantuan, faceless, burning, hellish, inhuman.
Towers over me and reaches down to touch me, to draw me into that horrible, incandescent ma, oh God, please don't let him touch me, please, oh Jesus, oh fuck no, oh fuck, oh-
"FUCK!!!"
Arms entangled in sheets, soaked in sweat, Brian thrashes frantically, for a second still stuck in nightmare's grasp, and then gravity takes over.
He tumbles off the bed and cracks his head on the bedside table.
Seconds pass, seconds that seem like eternities.
Then his bedroom door opens and Jono's there, human, whole.
Mischief glitters in his eyes.
"You alright, mate?"
All he can do is nod his head and close his eyes, feeling blood running down his face from a gash on his eyebrow.
"Take it you had a good night?"
It takes all his energy, but he still manages to stick two fingers up at Jono, who cackled.
"You should put a plaster on that, mate."
He probably should.
*********
Later on, Brian sits at the computer, trying to focus on the screen and failing- the pain in his head and the unsettling memories of the previous night's nightmare conspiring against him.
Not to mention the kitten, glaring balefully at him from atop the monitor.
He's trying to write an e-mail to Soundbyte and failing.
"Hey, did you have a good night last night?"
Luke, finally emerging from his room. Brian turns, shows him the plaster on his head. Luke chuckles, and goes through to the kitchen.
"What happened to that girl you were talking to?"
Girl? Brian doesn't remember a-
Yes, now he thinks about it, he does remember a girl.
Purple haired, wasn't she, and dancing with-
"Got her number, but I don't think it'll go anywhere. It was probably a card nicked out of a phonebox."
Luke chuckles again, emerging with a slice of bread.
It's smothered with Marmite, Brian's hangover notices.
"Make sure she actually was she, then."
Brian realises this might be a good idea- after all, girls met in clubs such as those he was dragged to the previous night often turn out to have much darker secrets than a few unpaid library fines. He rummages in his pockets for-
"Shit."
The card is gone. It's probably lost for good knowing the state of the flat, too.
"Ah, well, she's had a lucky escape then."
Brian scowls at Luke and goes back to his e-mail.
********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Bad Dreams
Well, what a night that was. First I end up being dragged to a gay bar (gay bar, gay bar, gay bar) by my housemates, then I have the mother of all nightmares about one of my housemates, then I fall out of bed and cut myself on the bedside table and am laughed at by the aforementioned housemate...
All in all, today could be going better. How about you, did you have a good night? Go anywhere good, meet any fun new people? I need cheering up- my head hurts and the pubs aren't open yet!
***********
Jono picked up the phone and dialed the mobile number on the business card he’d received last night. 2 p.m. seemed like an all right time to see if the purple-haired girl remembered who he was.
"Hello?"
"Erm. Hi. Is this Natila Grey?" Jono came into the living room, business card in hand and grinning nervously.
"Yes, who’s calling?"
"My name’s Jono. Starsmore. Uhm … I met you last night at Heaven?"
"I met a lot of people last night at Heaven. Can’t remember most of ‘em."
Brian idly listened to the conversation, while checking to see if anyone new had added him on AintIGreat.
"Well, I was there with a friend of mine. I was wearing a Misfits t-shirt and leather trousers, and then there was the ugly tall ponce standing next to me in black jeans and – Oi, mate, you throw my cat at me again and it’ll be the last time you use that hand. Sorry, roommate issues. Anyway …"
Brian glared at Jono menacingly, kitten in hand. He set the kitten down. "That was MY business card, you fuck," he muttered.
"Yeah, well, she gave it to me, now shut up. Sorry, what was that?"
The girl on the other line sighed. "I was just saying that I think I remember you and your friend. Not really all that clearly, but I remember some guy in a Misfits t-shirt."
"Yeah, that’d be me. We didn’t really get a chance to chat then, and I was wondering if you’d maybe like to have a cup of coffee?" Jono wandered back into his room.
Luke looked at Brian. "So you got someone’s number, eh?"
"Piss off."
*********
Nati rubbed her eyes and turned to the computer. Dave knocked on her door.
"Mornin’. You and Risa have a good night?"
"Apparently I just agreed to have coffee with some guy I don’t remember, who said I gave him my card." Nati shook her head. "So I guess we did."
"When’s the coffee?"
"In about an hour and a half." Nati got up and stretched, catlike in her movements. "Suppose I should have a shower."
Dave grinned. "Might be wise."
45 minutes later, as she dressed, she started to hear music. She looked around her room. Stereo is off. Computer is sleeping. "Where is it coming – ow. OW! Mother fuck!" Nati shrieked as she realized the music was in her head, booming happy hardcore from –
"DAVE!"
The volume lessened.
"What?"
"What the FUCK have I told you about playing that shite?" She yelled as she walked across the living room to the kitchen counter, where they kept the paracetamol.
"Oops. Sorry, forgot the ‘no happy hardcore after Nati wakes up’ rule."
"For fuck’s sake, don’t forget again. You know I can’t pipe it out of my head when there’s no one else around."
"I know, I know. What I don’t know is how you deal with that every day."
Nati smiled. "Well, usually I’m surrounded by people. Plus, no radio allowed in the office."
Dave shook his head, puzzled. "I thought you mutants were supposed to do cool things, like fly and save the world and all that. How’d you end up with such a crap lot?"
Nati shrugged and headed for the door, downing a handful of painkillers as she went.
"Nati!"
"What, Dave?"
"Your hair was purple last night, not orange."
"Oh. Shit." She shifted her hair, lengthening it and pulling it up into two knots on either side of her head (above her ears, so as not to have a purple-haired Princess Leia look). "Better?"
"Yep."
*********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Bad Dreams
Saturday, 30 June, 15:16:03
Huh. That’s weird that you were at a gay bar. I went out to Heaven last night with my roommate Risa. Which bar were you at?
I guess I did meet someone, albeit briefly. Apparently, I gave him my card, because he called a bit ago.
Sorry about the cut and the nightmare. What happened? I mean, it must have been some kind of fucked up since you said it was "the mother of all nightmares."
Hmmmm … cheering up, cheering up. Maybe later I’ll take some new photos and put them up on AintIGreat. Would that help? I mean, you must have found me attractive; isn’t that the point of these sites? You click on the pretty ones?
Anyway. I’m off for coffee.
--Nati
***********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Bad Dreams
Huh. That’s weird that you were at a gay bar. I went out to Heaven last night with my roommate Risa. Which bar were you at?
I guess I did meet someone, albeit briefly. Apparently, I gave him my card, because he called a bit ago.
Sorry about the cut and the nightmare. What happened? I mean, it must have been some kind of fucked up since you said it was "the mother of all nightmares."
Hmmmm … cheering up, cheering up. Maybe later I’ll take some new photos and put them up on AintIGreat. Would that help? I mean, you must have found me attractive; isn’t that the point of these sites? You click on the pretty ones?
Anyway. I’m off for coffee.
*Yeah,* thought Brian, *it's always the pretty ones you click on. Always the pretty ones who get clicked on, always the pretty ones who win, always the pretty ones who get the girl.*
Enraged, he switched the computer off and stalked over to the fridge. A smiling-faced magnet attached a note to it-
"Bri- get us some milk will ya? Used the last of it. Jono."
"Bastard."
Brian hadn't meant to say it, had just meant to think it, but the words came out before he'd chance to stop himself.
They hung in the air, accusingly.
*Did I really say that?
Did I really just call my oldest friend that?*
After a moment's thought, Brian had an answer, as the kitten started yowling somewhere in the house. Cursing to himself under his breath, he went in search of it.
It was in the bath, somehow- playing with the dripping tap and having the time of it's short life. Have to tell the landlord about that, Brian thought, removing the kitten from the bath (much to its disgust) and placing it on the floor. It glared at him for a moment, and then discovered a discovered pair of boxer shorts were far more fun.
They were Jono's.
Brian left the kitten to it, and headed back to the living room.
It was a tip, as always- Jono had said he would tidy up, but he never did, just as he-
"Need milk," he muttered under his breath, talking to himself to keep the voices away, the voices whispering that he was a bad, bad person, bitter and bad, bitter and bad and...
"Need milk."
*********
A few minutes later, Brian was standing in the local petrol station, holding a big jug of milk and a six-pack of lagers. He hadn't meant to buy the lagers, they'd just... been there.
If Jono could have fun, so would he. He would drink some beer, listen to some loud music and try to forget the world for a while.
Standing in the queue behind a tall, shaven-headed black guy and a short, Chinese-looking girl, Brian started humming under his breath. What was that song, the song from the club? Something about house music, and in the-
The lights flickered. Everyone looked around, glad of the interruption to the usual boredom of their shopping trip.
They flickered again. This started a murmur- was it a brownout? The local electricity board had been warning people not to use too much-
They flickered again, and died.
Brian cursed under his breath. Hopefully the fridge at home was still working...
*********
By the time he got home, Brian had an answer.
It seemed the brown-out/black-out whatever had only been temporary, or at least confined to the petrol station- everything was in working order. Putting the milk back in the fridge (and studiously ignoring the yowls coming from the bathroom) Brian cracked open one of the beers he'd bought and went back on line.
AintIGreat was the first place he went.
And Nati's profile was the first he went to.
*******
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Weird Day
I went to Heaven too! Wonder if I saw you? Probably did- but probably don't remember it, hahaha! Hope the guy who took your card doesn't turn out to have been one of my friends- they're all pricks, or gay.
And Jono's both, hahahaha, Just Kidding. Honest.
Weird day followed my weird dreams- there was a power failure in the petrol station when I was buying milk and beers (the breakfast of champions, no?) but when I got back to the house there seemed to be no sign it had gone any further, because the house was fine...
...if a little untidy. My housemates are pigs.
Anyway... post those pics!
Bri
(who now has to go rescue a kitten.)
(from the bath, of all places.)
(honestly...)
************
They had agreed to meet at a coffee shop in Camden. Nati wandered out of the train station, toward the markets. La Prima Tazza was just a small stand near Cyberdog, but it was her favorite. As she walked, she tried as well as she could to block the radio waves coming from the various shops out of her head. *Stupid crap power,* she thought as she grabbed her iPod headphones in an attempt to drown out the cacophony in her head. At least once she got near Cyberdog, there would be good music bouncing around.
She still couldn’t quite remember what this Jono character looked like. Was he shorter or taller? The one in the Misfits shirt or no?
She had thought she gave her card to the taller one.
“Nati?”
She whirled around.
“Well. I know we weren’t supposed to meet until the coffee shop, but your hair makes you … sort of obvious.”
*Wow, never heard that before,* she thought. She smiled and shook his hand. “Well, better that you recognize me, because I barely remember getting home last night.”
They continued walking, small-talking their way to the coffee shop.
“So, you’re in a band, huh?” Nati cocked an eyebrow as they waited for their drinks.
“Yeah,” Jono replied. “Me and a few of my mates.”
“You look sort of familiar,” she said. “You played in Brixton ever?”
“Can’t say as we have. Maybe it’s just from last night?”
“I guess …”
*************
Brian, foaming lager in hand, hit play on the stereo. KMFDM’s “Retro” album. *Perfect,* he thought. *All the hits, since I’ve no clue what Jono’s done with the rest of my KMFDM albums.* The kitten stood on top of one of the speakers, staring at him.
“Fuck off.”
As “Juke Joint Jezebel” came on, Brian gave the volume knob on the stereo one full turn to the right, to an almost deafening decibel level. Almost.
The kitten screeched as the speaker shuddered underneath it’s paws and leapt onto the floor, bounding out of the room.
Brian proceeded to headbang his way around the living room. “Beeee miiiiiiiiiiiiine! Sister salvatiooooooooooon!” he screamed along with the music.
Suddenly, there was a jolt of pain in his head. All the lights went out, along with the rest of the electricity, and the last thing he remembered was seeing the kitten coming toward him as he hit the floor with a resounding thud.
***********
“So this is great coffee,” Jono said. “I didn’t even know about this place, and I live up here.”
Nati smiled. “Best kept secret in Camden,” she said. This guy was really something, she thought. Not like most of the bastards she met. Didn’t seem like the type who was only out for sex, but then, they never did seem that way at first.
They were wandering around the market when Jono grabbed a long, fitted leather jacket. “Think this’ll be good on me?” He put it on and spun around.
“Ugh. So not you. Give it.” Nati put the jacket away, found a smaller labcoat-style jacket in blue vinyl and slipped it on.
“Oh, but that is so you,” Jono said, pulling her toward him.
Nati grinned. “You think?”
Jono bent his head down toward hers. “Oh yes,” he said; and kissed her.
Two hours later …
Jono and Nati stepped off the Tube in Brixton. “I can’t believe you came all the way back here just to make sure I got here all right,” she said.
“Well, you never know when someone’ll leave an unidentified parcel, right?”
“There might just be some gentleman in you yet, Mr. Starsmore.” She linked arms with him as they stepped back into the sunlight. “Rare day, isn’t it?”
“Perfect day, more like,” he said. She laughed.
“Well, that’s my flat right there, so …” She looked down.
“Yeah, I’ve got band practice in an hour. But it was great, y’know? Hanging out and all.”
“Yeah. Call me?”
He leaned in for another kiss. “Absolutely.”
She walked into her flat, eyes lingering on Jono as he walked down the road back to the Underground. Inside, no one was home. After collapsing on the floor and giggling uncontrollably, she went into her room and switched the computer on.
*Another mail from this Brian guy … wonder if I should tell him about this afternoon?*
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Weird Day
I went to Heaven too! Wonder if I saw you? Probably did- but probably don't remember it, hahaha! Hope the guy who took your card doesn't turn out to have been one of my friends- they're all pricks, or gay.
And Jono's both, hahahaha, Just Kidding. Honest.
Weird day followed my weird dreams- there was a power failure in the petrol station when I was buying milk and beers (the breakfast of champions, no?) but when I got back to the house there seemed to be no sign it had gone any further, because the house was fine...
...if a little untidy. My housemates are pigs.
Anyway... post those pics!
Bri
(who now has to go rescue a kitten.)
(from the bath, of all places.)
(honestly...)
Nati grinned and grabbed her digital camera. Snapping a few quick shots of herself, she edited for size and uploaded them to her AintIGreat profile. *There. Updated. That last hair color was just completely outdated. We’ll see what he thinks of the purple.*
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: Weird day
That’s fucked up. You went to Heaven, I went to Heaven, I gave my card to some asshole who turned out to be named Jono …
… Who couldn’t possibly be your friend because he’s certainly not gay and definitely not a prick. Spent all day looking at leather and vinyl jackets in Camden. Kind of rare to find a guy who’ll go shopping with you, right?
Anyway. I put those pics up. Now, I showed you mine … how about you show me yours?
Nati
(who hopes the kitten is okay)
(and what was it doing in the bath?)
(you have a fucked up cat)
************
Then
The world seemed to explode, and Brian's eyes rolled up into his head as he dropped to the ground.
The pain was like nothing he'd ever felt, not even when he'd been seven years old and a rogue swing had sent his teeth through his lower lip.
This was...
Actually, this was... quite nice.
Everything felt warm, and hazy. Dimly Brian saw two yellow eyes peering at him, but he might just have been hallucinating that, he reasoned with himself. After all, he'd been up very late the previous night, hadn't he?
Yes, he had.
And wouldn't sleeping be a good idea?
Yes, yes it would.
Later
Jono found himself whistling a happy tune on the Tube, not a care in the world for a change.
She hadn't hit him when he'd tried to kiss her.
She had let him take her back to her flat.
She was...
What on Earth was the tune in his head, he wondered- was it that song from the club, the one about House Music, something like that, yes, something about House Music and a guy, what had his name been... what was it called?
It didn't really matter, of course- what mattered was that she'd liked him.
Now, how did he explain this to Brian?
Then
Brian wasn't quite sure where he was, but he knew he was dreaming- had to be dreaming, there was no other explanation for the things he was seeing.
People, running people, screaming people, terrified people.
And above them all...
Be MINE!
Sister Salvation!
Juke-Joint Jezebel comin'
For my cremation!
He didn't know where the music was coming from, but it seemed perfectly in tune with the sight that lay spread across the London sky that night.
From horizon to horizon, the sky was filled with huge, robotic figures.
Huge, apocalyptic, terrifying figures.
Be MINE!
Sister Salvation!
Closer now
And see
The REVELATION!
He looked around, to see where he could run, if he could run, but the crowds were too thick, choking the streets, looking for all the world like the set of some stupid 1950s B-movie, the kind he'd loved since he was a kid.
And now, now one of the robots landed, landed in front of him, huge, Cyclopean, terrible.
Brian closed his eyes as the robot raised its hand, and a deadly white light began to pulse in its palm. This was it, this was how it ended, this was how the world ended-
Later
Something was wrong, Jono realised this immediately, even before he walked into the house, even before he walked up the steps to the front door.
The street was dark.
Utterly dark.
No street lights.
No televisions flickering in windows.
No nothing.
"Must be a power-cut," he muttered to himself, fumbling in his pocket for his keys. If he was publicly-minded, he'd probably have reported it to the power company...
...But he wasn't, he chuckled to himself, letting himself in and heading up the stairs to the flat. In fact, he was surprised no-one else hadn't already reported it.
But maybe a big enough power cut would have taken out the phone lines too, he thought to himself, reaching the door that led into the flat.
Or was that possible? He'd never really listened in Physics. Or was it Chemistry he should listened in? Maybe he'd ask Br-
"Oh, holy fuck."
Stepping into the flat, he saw something that turned the world upside down and inside out.
Brian was on the floor, only the whites of his eyes showing, a thin trickle of blood running out of the corner of the left one.
"Oh, holy fuck, Brian, mate, what the fuck?"
An abandoned can of beer lay by his oldest friend, spilled and forgotten.
Absurdly, the first thought that went through Jono's head was that Brian would be pissed to have spilled his lager.
The second, more rational thought was to phone an ambulance.
The phone was dead. Jono panicked for a second, and then remembered his mobile.
"Jesus, Brian, mate, hang on, eh? Just...hang on!"
Later
The doctor was pretty, and young.
Dr St Croix, her name badge proclaimed her to be.
You knew you were getting old, thought Jono, when even the doctors looked young.
Brian looked so young lying in the hopsital bed.
He hadn't woken up yet.
And no-one knew why.
*************
“Damnit! Stupid poncy git …” Nati flung her phone across the room onto her bed. Two days after their date, she had wanted to get together with Jono again, but he was nowhere to be found.
Risa poked her head through the door. “Something wrong?”
Nati sighed. “It’s that guy I went for coffee with. Remember how we had this really great time and we shopped and I got that blue coat and he was nice and romantic and fun?”
“He disappeared, didn’t he?”
Nati sank down onto her bed dejectedly. “Yes.”
“They’re all a bunch of bastards, aren’t they?”
“Yes.”
**********
Meanwhile …
Jono paced the hall outside Brian’s hospital room. No one was telling him anything about his roommate’s condition. He’d been in the hospital for two days, and they weren’t letting him into the room or telling him anything. It was taking everything in his power not to just direct his fist toward the wall and start punching. Suddenly, Dr. St. Croix came out of the room and walked toward him.
“Mr. Starsmore?”
“Yes?”
“We have your roommate stabilized. Not exactly sure what’s wrong with him yet, but the chief resident will be here soon to look at him.”
“Can I go in there?”
“Not just yet.”
Suddenly, a polyphonic ringtone of Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” sounded loudly from Jono’s pocket.
“Sir, you’ll have to keep that off while you’re inside. If you want to use it, you’re welcome to go outside the hospital.”
“Uhh, right.” Jono switched his phone off. “How long until he wakes up?”
Dr. St. Croix shook her head. “I honestly don’t know. I’m sorry.”
Jono nodded, and proceeded toward the Accident and Emergency exit. As he walked through the doors, he switched his phone on again and noticed several missed calls and two voicemails. Three of the calls were from Nati. The others were from his roommates, whom he had left a note for.
*SHIT!* he thought. He quickly called up her number and hit the “talk” button. It rang. *God, I hope she doesn’t – how the hell am I going to tell her my roommate’s in a coma?*
There was a click, and then a voice. “Hello?”
***********
An hour and a half later, as Jono sat with Luke and Max waiting for the chief resident to produce a verdict on their housemate, Nati dashed into the hospital, skidding to a stop when she saw Jono.
He stood up when he saw her and approached her slowly. She reached up and caressed his cheek. “Have you been in to see him yet?”
Jono shook his head. Nati wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head into his shoulder. “He’ll be okay.”
“You’re just saying that.”
She smiled. “Well, do you want me to tell you he’s going to die?”
“Point taken.”
She gave him a kiss. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “I was afraid you weren’t going to buy the whole, ‘My flatmate’s in a coma’ excuse, and I mean … we’ve only known each other for a few days.”
“Does that mean I somehow can’t care?”
“Don’t you work?”
“Only four days of the week.”
Jono smiled. He really liked this girl.
*************
The more he pinched himself, the less he could believe this wasn't a dream. He'd escaped the robots-
-how fucking weird did that sound, he'd escaped the robots, he could barely finish Level 1 on Doom, how the fuck had he escaped the robots-
-only to find himself chased through the streets by hideous, yellow-eyed, black-furred creaures, creatures that hissed and spat and yowled like the hordes of Hell. He'd escaped them-
-and what did they remind him of, what the fuck did those awful, awful monsters remind him of, it was lurking, lurking just out of reach, he wished he could remember, why couldn't he remember-
-and now he was...
...Well, if he was honest he wasn't sure where he was any more.
Wasn't even quite sure who he was any more.
All he could remember was being chased, and somehow ending up... here.
Wherever that was.
A cold, cold fog lay over everything, and huge spires lanced up into it, huge spires of dull metal and glass, glass that reflected nothing but the fog, the endless, mind-numbing fog. There was asphalt under his feet, and pavement, but...
It wasn't right.
There was no litter, for a start.
There was litter everywhere- even on Mars, he assumed-
-but what the fuck was Mars, any way? Was it a place? Was it a person? Images hung in his mind, images of a-
-so why was there no litter here?
There wasn't even a sun. A sun would have been good, a sun would burned away the fog, a sun would have shown him where he was-
But there was no sun.
And so he walked on.
************
Dr St Croix looked at the man in the bed and wished for the thousandth time that day that she could see into his mind.
There was nothing wrong with him, not physically. His vital signs were perfect, he seemed stronger than a lot of the staff at the hospital, let alone the other patients-
And yet he was still unconscious, little more than a breathing corpse.
It was just...
She clutched the clipboard in her hands so tightly her knuckes paled, frustrated.
It was just so stupid.
His friends, the ones who sat outside his room, the ones who'd been there for the past two days-
There was nothing she could tell them.
Nothing.
It was just so stupid.
*********
On he walked, through the dim grey world he now inhabited.
On he walked, solitary inhabitant of a cold, grey, emptiness.
What was the meaning of it all, he wondered?
Who was behind it, who had plucked him from the world of colour and life-
-flashes of people, flashes of a man ablaze, flashes of a girl with ever-changing hair, flashes of-
-who had dropped him into this nightmarish half-life?
He walked and walked, but did not tire, not any longer.
The fog froze him to the bone, but he did not feel it, not any longer.
There was nothing but the mist, and the spires, and the endless asphalt.
On he walked.
**********
Luke stood up, stretched, looked at the others.
"I'm going for a fag. Call me if anything happens?"
Max stood up as well.
"I'll join you. Might be some dishy doctors lurking about down there, eh?"
Luke rolled his eyes.
"You and your doctors."
Amiably, the two headed off down the corridor, backchatting and bantering each other as they went, leaving Jono and Nati behind.
They sat in silence, for what could be said?
What could make things better?
What indeed...
**********
There was someone else, he realised, someone else in the fog, someone following him.
And someone following him.
It was quite... disconcerting.
He would have been grateful of the company, but not this sort of company. This was almost...
...almost like being stalked.
He quickened his pace, and he slowed it, but still they kept pace with him, his unseen, unknown followers.
He didn't like it one bit.
A creeping doom, it felt like.
Inevitable, inexorable...
Inescapable.
*************
Hours of staring off into space were starting to wear on Nati’s nerves. She had curled herself into a ball next to Jono, waiting for some sign that his roommate was going to be all right. The chief resident had come and gone, but told them nothing. Hours, for some guy she barely knew.
“You know, you don’t have to stay,” said Jono. “I haven’t got a clue when they’re going to tell us anything or let us in there.”
“Well, I will have to go tonight,” she replied. “Gotta work in the morning.”
He kissed her forehead. “I’m glad you’re here now, though. It helps.”
She smiled. He stroked her hair. “Your roots are blue,” he said. “Were they like that this morning?” Nati looked up at him. She quickly adjusted her hair color, fading the purple back in. “What are you talking about?”
“They were just – I thought – maybe it was just a trick of the light. And I’m tired. But it looked like your roots were growing in blue.”
“Weird.”
**********
Meanwhile, in Massachusetts
Two days ago, Prof. Charles Xavier had been searching Cerebro for prospective students. There had been an explosion of power somewhere in London; a blackout according to the newspapers, completely inexplicable, but Xavier knew better. He had felt the surge. The London Times said there had only been one call to the local emergency room; a 27-year-old male who had been completely knocked out during the blackout. The hospital reported all vitals to be normal, but no sign that the boy was to come out of the coma.
Now Xavier lay in the medical lab, vitals being monitored by a nurse, as he sought the boy out with his mind.
He wandered through a field of fog, glass and metal towers spiraling up to the sky. He shadowed the figure in front of him. He just wanted to be sure …
“Brian?”
The figure whirled around. It was him.
***********
Nati suddenly jerked awake. Apparently, she had fallen asleep, but had only been out for all of ten minutes, according to her watch. Jono was now standing, talking to Dr. St. Croix.
“So we can see him, then?”
“Yes. We’re still not at all sure what’s wrong. His vitals are perfect … he’s just … not in there.”
Jono rubbed his eyes. “Right. You told me that already.”
Dr. St. Croix nodded. “Anyway, Dr. Morten said you could go in. He can’t see the harm in letting you guys see him. Hell, maybe if you talk to him … I don’t know. Might bring him back.”
Jono crouched in front of Nati’s chair. “You’re awake.”
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
“It’s okay. It’s been a long day. But they’re going to let us see him now, and --” Jono paused, nervous.
“What?”
“Well … I was hoping you might come in with me. It’s kind of weird, I know, because you don’t know him, but … well, the idea of seeing my roommate like that kind of freaks me out, and I was hoping –”
Nati looked Jono in the eyes. “Look, I’ve been here all day. I’ve got to go home soon, but there’s no harm in bringing you in there, innit?”
Jono smiled and held out his hand. Nati uncurled herself and set her feet on the floor and tried to stand up. She promptly sank to her knees, trying not to cry out.
“What? What is it?” Jono looked worried.
Nati gritted her teeth. “Pins … and sodding … needles …” Jono laughed and helped her back onto her feet. With his arm around her waist to help her along, they entered the room. Nati’s eyes widened.
“Erm. Jono?”
“Yeah?” His hands were shaking. He didn’t like seeing his roommate covered in wires.
“What did you say his name was again?”
“Brian, why?”
*Ohhhhhh, fuck,* Nati thought. *I’m standing here holding the hand of the roommate … FUCK!*
“I – I think I know him …”
As-of-yet untitled fic project
By
yonaelka and skellingtonjonRating: Dunno, we'll see where this goes.
Concept: TCP belongs to Kielle and Phil. AintIGreat blatantly ripped off of Hotornot concept.
Disclaimer: Um. Here's hoping that if Hotornot sees it, they understand that AintIGreat is a parody and therefore we are fully within our rights.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 12:21:09
Hiya Soundbyte.
I saw your photo on "AintIGreat" and thought I'd send you a message.
That makes me sound *really* shallow, right? It wasn't just the photo, it was the profile, too. Here's a bit about me in case you feel like writing me back:
-I'm the bassist in a Metallica tribute band called "Creeping Death".
-I once drank a glass of olive oil for a bet.
-I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.
The rest can be found on my "AintIGreat" profile.
(What, you really thought I was going to bother re-typing all that
*again*?)
I'm attaching a photo in case you're interested. I'm the guy on the right - the others are the rest of my band. I'm the tall one, and then there's Jono (our singer), Harry (our guitarist) and Steve (our drummer and resident drunk). E-mail me back or summat - "AintIGreat" charges you to send messages, apparently...
-BrainWaster-
*********
Nati stared at her e-mail. Another e-mail from some stupid twat at AintIGreat.com. "Maybe this one'll be interesting," she muttered.
She surfed over to AintIGreat to take a look at his profile and photograph. "Hm. Not bad, not - oh dear lord, what the hell IS IT about Anna Kournikova?"
Sighing, she closed down Firefox and went downstairs for breakfast.
"Afternoon, Nati."
Her flatmate, Dave, grinned as she entered the kitchen in a wifebeater and boxers. "You look a bit rough. Were you a naughty girl last night?"
"You know, the more you play that joke with my name, the funnier it gets," she spat back.
"Well, you didn't get back until four hours ago. What were you up to?"
Nati stared daggers at Dave. "You ask me this every Friday night. Where do you think I was?"
"Fine, fine, you were out at The Cross, getting pissed and dancing with a bunch of strange men. Excuse me for trying to make conversation."
Nati poured herself a bowl of granola and sat down at the table.
"So who were you last night?" Dave grabbed his Marmite-covered toast and sat down with her. "A playful blonde cheerleader? A tough, black-haired bitch? What?" He reached out to touch her starkly dark blue hair, which was normal for Nati. Suddenly, her hair shifted, curled and turned into a nice, natural red. She raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, I see. They always go for the redhead."
She stared at her cereal. "Fuck this shit," she said. "I'm going back to bed."
********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09
Hey. I’m not online very much, and I don’t check my e-mail too often. But you seem sort of interesting, and I’m always up for knowing new people.
I’m Nati. I live in London, where I work as a secretary while trying to make a go of it as a professional poet. The last bit’s not going very well.
I go out clubbing every weekend, and if you’ve been to any clubs in London lately, you’ve probably seen me around (although my hair color changes once a week).
Anyway, if you feel like responding, I’m sure I’ll get around to checking my mail eventually.
--Nati
*********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hey there . . .
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09
Hey. I’m not online very much, and I don’t check my e-mail too often. But you seem sort of interesting, and I’m always up for knowing new people.
I’m Nati. I live in London, where I work as a secretary while trying to make a go of it as a professional poet. The last bit’s not going very well.
I go out clubbing every weekend, and if you’ve been to any clubs in London lately, you’ve probably seen me around (although my hair color changes once a week).
Anyway, if you feel like responding, I’m sure I’ll get around to checking my mail eventually.
--Nati
The kitten stared daggers at Brian over the top of the monitor.
It often did- it had the rather annoying habit of sneaking behind the monitor, then leaping up on top of it and trying to savage the cursor as it sped about the screen.
He often wanted to throw things at it, but as Jono was sitting in the room (and it was Jono's kitten) that wouldn't be a good idea this time.
And anyway, the girl he'd messaged on AintIGreat had got back to him, despite seeing his photo. This was a good sign.
"What you up to, Brian, mate?"
That was Jono. He couldn't really say "trying to talk to girls", now could he?
"Looking at porn, mate."
Jono cackled, and Brian knew that had to have been the wrong answer to give.
"Mate, how are you ever gonna get any if you admit to it the first time anyone asks what you're doing?"
Brian didn't answer. Jono didn't care.
"It's like that gig we did at the Underworld. All those girls hanging around afterwards, and what did you want to do? Drink 'til yer brain fell out."
Brian still didn't rise to his bandmate's teasing. It was best not to, and anyway, it gave him time to think of a reply to-
"And that girl you met that night in the Electric Ballroom? Sick down her, weren't you, if I recall correctly?"
That was it.
That was it.
"Jono?"
"Yeah, mate?"
"Catch."
The kitten was flung through the air, using all four legs as brakes.
Claws met face.
Jono shrieked.
Life was good...
*********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Flying Cats
Date: Monday, 25 June, 2005 1:00:09
Hey, thanks for replying, Nati- didn't think you would- thought you might have been scared off by the Horror That Is Steve, hahaha.
So you're in London, huh? I'm in Camden meself- I share a place with Jono and two other guys, several guitars, basses, gig posters, mountains of washing up, the bodies of the fallen (haha, just kidding... ummm, remind me never to make that joke to girls again...)
Oh, and Jono's kitten. Do you like cats? You can have this one if you do...
--Brian
*********
In the beginning, there was Jack
And Jack had a groove
And from this groove came the groove of all grooves
And while one day viciously throwing down on his box
Jack boldy declared, “Let there be house!”
And house music was born
Inside Heaven, the crowd writhed and twisted against each other as Anne Savage spun them into delirium. Hard house leading to boys groping each other and girls shakin’ what their mama gave ‘em, centered around two girls battling each other on the dance floor. One had purple hair, tied in small knots sticking up from the top of her head; the other a shock of pink and green foam extensions in pigtails. The lights were flashing, bass pumping and sexual tension rising with the music.
I am, you see
I am the creator
And this is MY house
But I am not so selfish
Because once you enter my house
It then becomes OUR house and OUR house music
And you see, no one man owns house
Because house music is a universal language
Spoken and understood by all
The two girls spun and jumped, shook and melded and came apart again until suddenly –
“Nati!”
The purple-haired girl whipped around.
“Danny!” She squealed as she hugged her friend. “I thought you weren’t coming out tonight!”
”Oh, sweetie, you know I can’t be kept away from this place,” he said. “Besides, I’ve been working on that guy in the corner.” He pointed to an Asian man, average height and blond hair, standing by the bar.
“Ooooh, good luck, baby!”
Nati grabbed her pink-haired counterpart. Turning back to Danny, she stumbled and fell into him. Looking up at his chin, she giggled, “Danny, I want you to meet someone. She’s … she’s my … oh fuck, who – she lives with me. ‘S Risa. M’flatmate.”
“Dear girl, you are cunting wankered, aren’t you?” Danny propped Nati up, and Risa stood with her arms on Nati’s shoulders.
“Am not! I’ve only had — ”
“Entirely too fucking much,” said Risa. “Come on, let’s go to the bar and get you a nice glass of water.”
***********
Two hours earlier …
“Oi!” Max stood over her sleeping flatmate, hand raised as if ready to slap him.
“Mmph.” Brian rolled over and pulled the duvet over his head.
“Come on, you stupid git. You promised you’d come clubbing with Luke, Jono and I if we went to the football match with you.”
“Did not,” Brian muttered.
“Fuck you, you did so,” she said, yanking the cover off him. “Jono! He’s refusing to get out of bed! Do I need to have him come in here and throw you in the shower?”
“Christ, no! I’m coming, okay?”
Brian rolled out of bed, grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom. *How did I let them talk me into this?* he thought as the hot water rolled over his long, greenish-black hair and lanky frame. Sighing, he hurried through the shower, lest his roommates threaten worse. Jono was still angry about the cat-flinging incident earlier, so no reason to get on his bad side.
Emerging from the steaming bathroom, he heard Luke on the phone. “Yeah, we’re leaving as soon as Max finishes her makeup. I know, I know. I’d say about an hour. Because she’s a perfectionist and it takes her forever to get it done! Yeah, me too. I’m really looking for someone tonight, I’m tired of sleeping alone.”
Brian glanced at Luke. If they were going somewhere for Luke to pick up guys … *No, they wouldn’t … they wouldn’t drag me to a gay bar, would they?*
He sat down at the computer and surfed to Yahoo.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Flying Cats
Friday, 29 June, 17:30:31
Unfortunately, my roommate Dave is allergic to cats, or I’d take it.
So Camden, huh? I’m down in Brixton, myself. It’s nice, and it’s near a lot of good clubs. Like The Church. But I’m so tired of that place. I think Risa and I are going somewhere else tonight, but she hasn’t told me where. Not that it matters, by the time we’re done I’ll hardly remember where I’ve been.
Do you like clubbing? I know you’re into death metal and all that, but to be honest, it’s not really my scene. Give me hard house or give me death!
Anyway, I’d better get showered and ready for tonight.
--Nati
P.S.: Let me know when your next gig is; it may not be my scene, but it’s not to say I won’t try it on for a night.
Brian smiled. This girl seemed genuinely interested.
“You ready to go, cat-tosser?” Jono glared maniacally at the seated Brian.
“Look, I’m holding up my end of the bargain, Starsmore. Let’s just leave it.”
“You seem … happy. Why’re you so happy, mate? That internet girl write back?”
“Yeah. She did. What’s it to you?”
Jono cackled. “Ooooh, Doom’n’Gloom’s got an imaginary girlfriend!”
**********
In the bathroom at Heaven, Nati was bent over, in full “worshipping the porcelain goddess” position.
“Fuck! I hate this part,” she choked out between retches.
“Yeah, well at least you haven’t puked the pill up, so when you’ve finished this disgusting bit, you’ll feel a lot better,” Risa grimaced. She hated this part, too.
Nati stood up slowly. “Okay, I think I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Plenty more dancing to be done tonight, don’t you think?”
“Let’s get you that bottle of water first; I think you need it.”
Risa and Nati approached the bar, where Risa ordered them both some water. “Wouldn’t want you getting dehydrated like last time,” Risa said. “Almost had to take you to A&E.”
**********
Brian sighed. “I can’t believe you twats took me to a gay bar.”
“That’s what you get for flinging my cat at me, mate.”
Jono and Brian stood at the bar, gazing at the same-sex action. “But at least it’s good music,” Jono said. “And full of fit women …” His voice trailed off as two girls, both with outrageously neon hair, approached the bar. “I’ll try the pink and green, you try the purple, eh?”
Brian turned to look. Indeed, there were two gorgeous women walking toward them. The purple-haired one had on blue vinyl trousers that hugged every curve just right, and what appeared to be a piece of fabric held together with very small strings that tied in back covering her top half. The pink-and-green-haired girl had on a pink halter that said, “I kiss girls” and a miniskirt that only attempted to cover everything.
“Nah, man. They’ve probably just got back from lezzin’ off together.”
“All the more reason to try, right?” Jono winked and began his approach.
Brian rolled his eyes and followed. If nothing else, the purple-haired one looked kind of familiar.
**********
“Might we buy you ladies a drink?” The slightly shorter guy asked. He might well have been talking to a brick wall, since the music volume could barely be shouted over.
“What?” Nati turned around. The one in the Misfits t-shirt had asked her something.
“Can we buy you two a drink?” he shouted into her ear.
Risa tapped Nati’s shoulder. “What’s ‘e want? And who gives a shit anyway, I love this track! Come on!”
“But look at them, they’re hot!”
“You’ve had enough to drink. Stick with the water,” Risa said as she yanked on Nati’s arm. Nati made a pouting face. “Fine.” She turned back to the two guys. “Wait a minute, Risa.” She looked at the taller of the pair and said, “I think I’ve seen you before!”
“What?” he shouted.
“Never mind! Here,” she shouted as she slipped her business card into the shorter one’s pants pocket. “Give me a call sometime!” And with that, she disappeared in the crowd.
***********
I wake from a horrible nightmare of blood and teeth and fire only to realise that reality is far, far worse.
My head feels like Chernobyl- my mouth like Hiroshima.
I dread to think what my bowels will feel like.
Light streams in through my bedroom curtains- obviously I neglected to shut them before we went out last night.
Bleary with sleep, I try to shut them, but it's no use. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed and sitting up, I realise why- the curtains lie on the floor- pale, dead jellyfish. I shake my head and regret it- painkillers are needed, and quickly.
I head to the kitchen, cursing whichever housemate has their stereo on quite so loud this early in the morning- Ministry are great and everything, but even I have my limits.
Painkillers are chugged, the kettle goes on- I still don't feel human.
A glance at the microwave tells me it's not even morning any more- it's actually 88:88. Cursing, I try to remember if I was supposed to be doing anything today. It's not a Wednesday, so I don't have to go and sign on- it's not a Friday, so I don't have to go to band practise- I didn't pull last night, so I don't have to-
What's that awful smell?
I don't remember leaving anything cooking before going out.
Oh, God, don't tell me someone's making themself a fry-up. Please, God, how on earth can you sanction such-
Nothing is cooking, I realise, looking about me.
But the smell gets worse.
Invisible, insidious, it creeps into my nostrils and assails my brain with sensation.
Even dead sober this would be revolting.
Is it the kitten's food? Is that possible, is it-
No.
An empty can proclaims that it ate a "hearty meal of succulent meaty chunks in nourishing jelly, suitable for kittens and young cats everywhere as part of a sensible diet", but a single cursory sniff tells me that (although vile) this is most certainly not the source of the stench.
"Jono? Luke? Maxi?"
My voice sounds odd, hollow in my ears.
Probably the after-effects of that God-forsaken club they dragged me to last night. Many's a bad night I've had, I think, tossing the empty catfood tin into the bin, but nothing ever so awful as last night. Surely, I think, heading towards the lounge, nothing could be-
He stands there, turned towards me, eyes full of pleading, and I recoil in horror.
What the fuck?
Jono stands before me, engulfed in flames, fat dripping down and sizzling on the carpet, a horrible, impossible Roman Candle.
Dimly I hear screams, but I am transfixed. From waist to chin he is utterly, utterly consumed- a hideous human conflagration, a thing stepped blazing out of Hieronymous Bosch, a monstrous mockery of-
The screams are mine, I realise, as he staggers towards me, arms outstretched.
What the fuck is this, what the fuck has happened to him, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?
His outstretched hands brush against me and I flinch, feeling the heat wash over me like some insane heatwave. The involuntary motion upsets my equilibrium and I tumble to the ground, and he towers over me, gargantuan, faceless, burning, hellish, inhuman.
Towers over me and reaches down to touch me, to draw me into that horrible, incandescent ma, oh God, please don't let him touch me, please, oh Jesus, oh fuck no, oh fuck, oh-
"FUCK!!!"
Arms entangled in sheets, soaked in sweat, Brian thrashes frantically, for a second still stuck in nightmare's grasp, and then gravity takes over.
He tumbles off the bed and cracks his head on the bedside table.
Seconds pass, seconds that seem like eternities.
Then his bedroom door opens and Jono's there, human, whole.
Mischief glitters in his eyes.
"You alright, mate?"
All he can do is nod his head and close his eyes, feeling blood running down his face from a gash on his eyebrow.
"Take it you had a good night?"
It takes all his energy, but he still manages to stick two fingers up at Jono, who cackled.
"You should put a plaster on that, mate."
He probably should.
*********
Later on, Brian sits at the computer, trying to focus on the screen and failing- the pain in his head and the unsettling memories of the previous night's nightmare conspiring against him.
Not to mention the kitten, glaring balefully at him from atop the monitor.
He's trying to write an e-mail to Soundbyte and failing.
"Hey, did you have a good night last night?"
Luke, finally emerging from his room. Brian turns, shows him the plaster on his head. Luke chuckles, and goes through to the kitchen.
"What happened to that girl you were talking to?"
Girl? Brian doesn't remember a-
Yes, now he thinks about it, he does remember a girl.
Purple haired, wasn't she, and dancing with-
"Got her number, but I don't think it'll go anywhere. It was probably a card nicked out of a phonebox."
Luke chuckles again, emerging with a slice of bread.
It's smothered with Marmite, Brian's hangover notices.
"Make sure she actually was she, then."
Brian realises this might be a good idea- after all, girls met in clubs such as those he was dragged to the previous night often turn out to have much darker secrets than a few unpaid library fines. He rummages in his pockets for-
"Shit."
The card is gone. It's probably lost for good knowing the state of the flat, too.
"Ah, well, she's had a lucky escape then."
Brian scowls at Luke and goes back to his e-mail.
********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Bad Dreams
Well, what a night that was. First I end up being dragged to a gay bar (gay bar, gay bar, gay bar) by my housemates, then I have the mother of all nightmares about one of my housemates, then I fall out of bed and cut myself on the bedside table and am laughed at by the aforementioned housemate...
All in all, today could be going better. How about you, did you have a good night? Go anywhere good, meet any fun new people? I need cheering up- my head hurts and the pubs aren't open yet!
***********
Jono picked up the phone and dialed the mobile number on the business card he’d received last night. 2 p.m. seemed like an all right time to see if the purple-haired girl remembered who he was.
"Hello?"
"Erm. Hi. Is this Natila Grey?" Jono came into the living room, business card in hand and grinning nervously.
"Yes, who’s calling?"
"My name’s Jono. Starsmore. Uhm … I met you last night at Heaven?"
"I met a lot of people last night at Heaven. Can’t remember most of ‘em."
Brian idly listened to the conversation, while checking to see if anyone new had added him on AintIGreat.
"Well, I was there with a friend of mine. I was wearing a Misfits t-shirt and leather trousers, and then there was the ugly tall ponce standing next to me in black jeans and – Oi, mate, you throw my cat at me again and it’ll be the last time you use that hand. Sorry, roommate issues. Anyway …"
Brian glared at Jono menacingly, kitten in hand. He set the kitten down. "That was MY business card, you fuck," he muttered.
"Yeah, well, she gave it to me, now shut up. Sorry, what was that?"
The girl on the other line sighed. "I was just saying that I think I remember you and your friend. Not really all that clearly, but I remember some guy in a Misfits t-shirt."
"Yeah, that’d be me. We didn’t really get a chance to chat then, and I was wondering if you’d maybe like to have a cup of coffee?" Jono wandered back into his room.
Luke looked at Brian. "So you got someone’s number, eh?"
"Piss off."
*********
Nati rubbed her eyes and turned to the computer. Dave knocked on her door.
"Mornin’. You and Risa have a good night?"
"Apparently I just agreed to have coffee with some guy I don’t remember, who said I gave him my card." Nati shook her head. "So I guess we did."
"When’s the coffee?"
"In about an hour and a half." Nati got up and stretched, catlike in her movements. "Suppose I should have a shower."
Dave grinned. "Might be wise."
45 minutes later, as she dressed, she started to hear music. She looked around her room. Stereo is off. Computer is sleeping. "Where is it coming – ow. OW! Mother fuck!" Nati shrieked as she realized the music was in her head, booming happy hardcore from –
"DAVE!"
The volume lessened.
"What?"
"What the FUCK have I told you about playing that shite?" She yelled as she walked across the living room to the kitchen counter, where they kept the paracetamol.
"Oops. Sorry, forgot the ‘no happy hardcore after Nati wakes up’ rule."
"For fuck’s sake, don’t forget again. You know I can’t pipe it out of my head when there’s no one else around."
"I know, I know. What I don’t know is how you deal with that every day."
Nati smiled. "Well, usually I’m surrounded by people. Plus, no radio allowed in the office."
Dave shook his head, puzzled. "I thought you mutants were supposed to do cool things, like fly and save the world and all that. How’d you end up with such a crap lot?"
Nati shrugged and headed for the door, downing a handful of painkillers as she went.
"Nati!"
"What, Dave?"
"Your hair was purple last night, not orange."
"Oh. Shit." She shifted her hair, lengthening it and pulling it up into two knots on either side of her head (above her ears, so as not to have a purple-haired Princess Leia look). "Better?"
"Yep."
*********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Bad Dreams
Saturday, 30 June, 15:16:03
Huh. That’s weird that you were at a gay bar. I went out to Heaven last night with my roommate Risa. Which bar were you at?
I guess I did meet someone, albeit briefly. Apparently, I gave him my card, because he called a bit ago.
Sorry about the cut and the nightmare. What happened? I mean, it must have been some kind of fucked up since you said it was "the mother of all nightmares."
Hmmmm … cheering up, cheering up. Maybe later I’ll take some new photos and put them up on AintIGreat. Would that help? I mean, you must have found me attractive; isn’t that the point of these sites? You click on the pretty ones?
Anyway. I’m off for coffee.
--Nati
***********
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Bad Dreams
Huh. That’s weird that you were at a gay bar. I went out to Heaven last night with my roommate Risa. Which bar were you at?
I guess I did meet someone, albeit briefly. Apparently, I gave him my card, because he called a bit ago.
Sorry about the cut and the nightmare. What happened? I mean, it must have been some kind of fucked up since you said it was "the mother of all nightmares."
Hmmmm … cheering up, cheering up. Maybe later I’ll take some new photos and put them up on AintIGreat. Would that help? I mean, you must have found me attractive; isn’t that the point of these sites? You click on the pretty ones?
Anyway. I’m off for coffee.
*Yeah,* thought Brian, *it's always the pretty ones you click on. Always the pretty ones who get clicked on, always the pretty ones who win, always the pretty ones who get the girl.*
Enraged, he switched the computer off and stalked over to the fridge. A smiling-faced magnet attached a note to it-
"Bri- get us some milk will ya? Used the last of it. Jono."
"Bastard."
Brian hadn't meant to say it, had just meant to think it, but the words came out before he'd chance to stop himself.
They hung in the air, accusingly.
*Did I really say that?
Did I really just call my oldest friend that?*
After a moment's thought, Brian had an answer, as the kitten started yowling somewhere in the house. Cursing to himself under his breath, he went in search of it.
It was in the bath, somehow- playing with the dripping tap and having the time of it's short life. Have to tell the landlord about that, Brian thought, removing the kitten from the bath (much to its disgust) and placing it on the floor. It glared at him for a moment, and then discovered a discovered pair of boxer shorts were far more fun.
They were Jono's.
Brian left the kitten to it, and headed back to the living room.
It was a tip, as always- Jono had said he would tidy up, but he never did, just as he-
"Need milk," he muttered under his breath, talking to himself to keep the voices away, the voices whispering that he was a bad, bad person, bitter and bad, bitter and bad and...
"Need milk."
*********
A few minutes later, Brian was standing in the local petrol station, holding a big jug of milk and a six-pack of lagers. He hadn't meant to buy the lagers, they'd just... been there.
If Jono could have fun, so would he. He would drink some beer, listen to some loud music and try to forget the world for a while.
Standing in the queue behind a tall, shaven-headed black guy and a short, Chinese-looking girl, Brian started humming under his breath. What was that song, the song from the club? Something about house music, and in the-
The lights flickered. Everyone looked around, glad of the interruption to the usual boredom of their shopping trip.
They flickered again. This started a murmur- was it a brownout? The local electricity board had been warning people not to use too much-
They flickered again, and died.
Brian cursed under his breath. Hopefully the fridge at home was still working...
*********
By the time he got home, Brian had an answer.
It seemed the brown-out/black-out whatever had only been temporary, or at least confined to the petrol station- everything was in working order. Putting the milk back in the fridge (and studiously ignoring the yowls coming from the bathroom) Brian cracked open one of the beers he'd bought and went back on line.
AintIGreat was the first place he went.
And Nati's profile was the first he went to.
*******
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Weird Day
I went to Heaven too! Wonder if I saw you? Probably did- but probably don't remember it, hahaha! Hope the guy who took your card doesn't turn out to have been one of my friends- they're all pricks, or gay.
And Jono's both, hahahaha, Just Kidding. Honest.
Weird day followed my weird dreams- there was a power failure in the petrol station when I was buying milk and beers (the breakfast of champions, no?) but when I got back to the house there seemed to be no sign it had gone any further, because the house was fine...
...if a little untidy. My housemates are pigs.
Anyway... post those pics!
Bri
(who now has to go rescue a kitten.)
(from the bath, of all places.)
(honestly...)
************
They had agreed to meet at a coffee shop in Camden. Nati wandered out of the train station, toward the markets. La Prima Tazza was just a small stand near Cyberdog, but it was her favorite. As she walked, she tried as well as she could to block the radio waves coming from the various shops out of her head. *Stupid crap power,* she thought as she grabbed her iPod headphones in an attempt to drown out the cacophony in her head. At least once she got near Cyberdog, there would be good music bouncing around.
She still couldn’t quite remember what this Jono character looked like. Was he shorter or taller? The one in the Misfits shirt or no?
She had thought she gave her card to the taller one.
“Nati?”
She whirled around.
“Well. I know we weren’t supposed to meet until the coffee shop, but your hair makes you … sort of obvious.”
*Wow, never heard that before,* she thought. She smiled and shook his hand. “Well, better that you recognize me, because I barely remember getting home last night.”
They continued walking, small-talking their way to the coffee shop.
“So, you’re in a band, huh?” Nati cocked an eyebrow as they waited for their drinks.
“Yeah,” Jono replied. “Me and a few of my mates.”
“You look sort of familiar,” she said. “You played in Brixton ever?”
“Can’t say as we have. Maybe it’s just from last night?”
“I guess …”
*************
Brian, foaming lager in hand, hit play on the stereo. KMFDM’s “Retro” album. *Perfect,* he thought. *All the hits, since I’ve no clue what Jono’s done with the rest of my KMFDM albums.* The kitten stood on top of one of the speakers, staring at him.
“Fuck off.”
As “Juke Joint Jezebel” came on, Brian gave the volume knob on the stereo one full turn to the right, to an almost deafening decibel level. Almost.
The kitten screeched as the speaker shuddered underneath it’s paws and leapt onto the floor, bounding out of the room.
Brian proceeded to headbang his way around the living room. “Beeee miiiiiiiiiiiiine! Sister salvatiooooooooooon!” he screamed along with the music.
Suddenly, there was a jolt of pain in his head. All the lights went out, along with the rest of the electricity, and the last thing he remembered was seeing the kitten coming toward him as he hit the floor with a resounding thud.
***********
“So this is great coffee,” Jono said. “I didn’t even know about this place, and I live up here.”
Nati smiled. “Best kept secret in Camden,” she said. This guy was really something, she thought. Not like most of the bastards she met. Didn’t seem like the type who was only out for sex, but then, they never did seem that way at first.
They were wandering around the market when Jono grabbed a long, fitted leather jacket. “Think this’ll be good on me?” He put it on and spun around.
“Ugh. So not you. Give it.” Nati put the jacket away, found a smaller labcoat-style jacket in blue vinyl and slipped it on.
“Oh, but that is so you,” Jono said, pulling her toward him.
Nati grinned. “You think?”
Jono bent his head down toward hers. “Oh yes,” he said; and kissed her.
Two hours later …
Jono and Nati stepped off the Tube in Brixton. “I can’t believe you came all the way back here just to make sure I got here all right,” she said.
“Well, you never know when someone’ll leave an unidentified parcel, right?”
“There might just be some gentleman in you yet, Mr. Starsmore.” She linked arms with him as they stepped back into the sunlight. “Rare day, isn’t it?”
“Perfect day, more like,” he said. She laughed.
“Well, that’s my flat right there, so …” She looked down.
“Yeah, I’ve got band practice in an hour. But it was great, y’know? Hanging out and all.”
“Yeah. Call me?”
He leaned in for another kiss. “Absolutely.”
She walked into her flat, eyes lingering on Jono as he walked down the road back to the Underground. Inside, no one was home. After collapsing on the floor and giggling uncontrollably, she went into her room and switched the computer on.
*Another mail from this Brian guy … wonder if I should tell him about this afternoon?*
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Weird Day
I went to Heaven too! Wonder if I saw you? Probably did- but probably don't remember it, hahaha! Hope the guy who took your card doesn't turn out to have been one of my friends- they're all pricks, or gay.
And Jono's both, hahahaha, Just Kidding. Honest.
Weird day followed my weird dreams- there was a power failure in the petrol station when I was buying milk and beers (the breakfast of champions, no?) but when I got back to the house there seemed to be no sign it had gone any further, because the house was fine...
...if a little untidy. My housemates are pigs.
Anyway... post those pics!
Bri
(who now has to go rescue a kitten.)
(from the bath, of all places.)
(honestly...)
Nati grinned and grabbed her digital camera. Snapping a few quick shots of herself, she edited for size and uploaded them to her AintIGreat profile. *There. Updated. That last hair color was just completely outdated. We’ll see what he thinks of the purple.*
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: Weird day
That’s fucked up. You went to Heaven, I went to Heaven, I gave my card to some asshole who turned out to be named Jono …
… Who couldn’t possibly be your friend because he’s certainly not gay and definitely not a prick. Spent all day looking at leather and vinyl jackets in Camden. Kind of rare to find a guy who’ll go shopping with you, right?
Anyway. I put those pics up. Now, I showed you mine … how about you show me yours?
Nati
(who hopes the kitten is okay)
(and what was it doing in the bath?)
(you have a fucked up cat)
************
Then
The world seemed to explode, and Brian's eyes rolled up into his head as he dropped to the ground.
The pain was like nothing he'd ever felt, not even when he'd been seven years old and a rogue swing had sent his teeth through his lower lip.
This was...
Actually, this was... quite nice.
Everything felt warm, and hazy. Dimly Brian saw two yellow eyes peering at him, but he might just have been hallucinating that, he reasoned with himself. After all, he'd been up very late the previous night, hadn't he?
Yes, he had.
And wouldn't sleeping be a good idea?
Yes, yes it would.
Later
Jono found himself whistling a happy tune on the Tube, not a care in the world for a change.
She hadn't hit him when he'd tried to kiss her.
She had let him take her back to her flat.
She was...
What on Earth was the tune in his head, he wondered- was it that song from the club, the one about House Music, something like that, yes, something about House Music and a guy, what had his name been... what was it called?
It didn't really matter, of course- what mattered was that she'd liked him.
Now, how did he explain this to Brian?
Then
Brian wasn't quite sure where he was, but he knew he was dreaming- had to be dreaming, there was no other explanation for the things he was seeing.
People, running people, screaming people, terrified people.
And above them all...
Be MINE!
Sister Salvation!
Juke-Joint Jezebel comin'
For my cremation!
He didn't know where the music was coming from, but it seemed perfectly in tune with the sight that lay spread across the London sky that night.
From horizon to horizon, the sky was filled with huge, robotic figures.
Huge, apocalyptic, terrifying figures.
Be MINE!
Sister Salvation!
Closer now
And see
The REVELATION!
He looked around, to see where he could run, if he could run, but the crowds were too thick, choking the streets, looking for all the world like the set of some stupid 1950s B-movie, the kind he'd loved since he was a kid.
And now, now one of the robots landed, landed in front of him, huge, Cyclopean, terrible.
Brian closed his eyes as the robot raised its hand, and a deadly white light began to pulse in its palm. This was it, this was how it ended, this was how the world ended-
Later
Something was wrong, Jono realised this immediately, even before he walked into the house, even before he walked up the steps to the front door.
The street was dark.
Utterly dark.
No street lights.
No televisions flickering in windows.
No nothing.
"Must be a power-cut," he muttered to himself, fumbling in his pocket for his keys. If he was publicly-minded, he'd probably have reported it to the power company...
...But he wasn't, he chuckled to himself, letting himself in and heading up the stairs to the flat. In fact, he was surprised no-one else hadn't already reported it.
But maybe a big enough power cut would have taken out the phone lines too, he thought to himself, reaching the door that led into the flat.
Or was that possible? He'd never really listened in Physics. Or was it Chemistry he should listened in? Maybe he'd ask Br-
"Oh, holy fuck."
Stepping into the flat, he saw something that turned the world upside down and inside out.
Brian was on the floor, only the whites of his eyes showing, a thin trickle of blood running out of the corner of the left one.
"Oh, holy fuck, Brian, mate, what the fuck?"
An abandoned can of beer lay by his oldest friend, spilled and forgotten.
Absurdly, the first thought that went through Jono's head was that Brian would be pissed to have spilled his lager.
The second, more rational thought was to phone an ambulance.
The phone was dead. Jono panicked for a second, and then remembered his mobile.
"Jesus, Brian, mate, hang on, eh? Just...hang on!"
Later
The doctor was pretty, and young.
Dr St Croix, her name badge proclaimed her to be.
You knew you were getting old, thought Jono, when even the doctors looked young.
Brian looked so young lying in the hopsital bed.
He hadn't woken up yet.
And no-one knew why.
*************
“Damnit! Stupid poncy git …” Nati flung her phone across the room onto her bed. Two days after their date, she had wanted to get together with Jono again, but he was nowhere to be found.
Risa poked her head through the door. “Something wrong?”
Nati sighed. “It’s that guy I went for coffee with. Remember how we had this really great time and we shopped and I got that blue coat and he was nice and romantic and fun?”
“He disappeared, didn’t he?”
Nati sank down onto her bed dejectedly. “Yes.”
“They’re all a bunch of bastards, aren’t they?”
“Yes.”
**********
Meanwhile …
Jono paced the hall outside Brian’s hospital room. No one was telling him anything about his roommate’s condition. He’d been in the hospital for two days, and they weren’t letting him into the room or telling him anything. It was taking everything in his power not to just direct his fist toward the wall and start punching. Suddenly, Dr. St. Croix came out of the room and walked toward him.
“Mr. Starsmore?”
“Yes?”
“We have your roommate stabilized. Not exactly sure what’s wrong with him yet, but the chief resident will be here soon to look at him.”
“Can I go in there?”
“Not just yet.”
Suddenly, a polyphonic ringtone of Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” sounded loudly from Jono’s pocket.
“Sir, you’ll have to keep that off while you’re inside. If you want to use it, you’re welcome to go outside the hospital.”
“Uhh, right.” Jono switched his phone off. “How long until he wakes up?”
Dr. St. Croix shook her head. “I honestly don’t know. I’m sorry.”
Jono nodded, and proceeded toward the Accident and Emergency exit. As he walked through the doors, he switched his phone on again and noticed several missed calls and two voicemails. Three of the calls were from Nati. The others were from his roommates, whom he had left a note for.
*SHIT!* he thought. He quickly called up her number and hit the “talk” button. It rang. *God, I hope she doesn’t – how the hell am I going to tell her my roommate’s in a coma?*
There was a click, and then a voice. “Hello?”
***********
An hour and a half later, as Jono sat with Luke and Max waiting for the chief resident to produce a verdict on their housemate, Nati dashed into the hospital, skidding to a stop when she saw Jono.
He stood up when he saw her and approached her slowly. She reached up and caressed his cheek. “Have you been in to see him yet?”
Jono shook his head. Nati wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head into his shoulder. “He’ll be okay.”
“You’re just saying that.”
She smiled. “Well, do you want me to tell you he’s going to die?”
“Point taken.”
She gave him a kiss. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “I was afraid you weren’t going to buy the whole, ‘My flatmate’s in a coma’ excuse, and I mean … we’ve only known each other for a few days.”
“Does that mean I somehow can’t care?”
“Don’t you work?”
“Only four days of the week.”
Jono smiled. He really liked this girl.
*************
The more he pinched himself, the less he could believe this wasn't a dream. He'd escaped the robots-
-how fucking weird did that sound, he'd escaped the robots, he could barely finish Level 1 on Doom, how the fuck had he escaped the robots-
-only to find himself chased through the streets by hideous, yellow-eyed, black-furred creaures, creatures that hissed and spat and yowled like the hordes of Hell. He'd escaped them-
-and what did they remind him of, what the fuck did those awful, awful monsters remind him of, it was lurking, lurking just out of reach, he wished he could remember, why couldn't he remember-
-and now he was...
...Well, if he was honest he wasn't sure where he was any more.
Wasn't even quite sure who he was any more.
All he could remember was being chased, and somehow ending up... here.
Wherever that was.
A cold, cold fog lay over everything, and huge spires lanced up into it, huge spires of dull metal and glass, glass that reflected nothing but the fog, the endless, mind-numbing fog. There was asphalt under his feet, and pavement, but...
It wasn't right.
There was no litter, for a start.
There was litter everywhere- even on Mars, he assumed-
-but what the fuck was Mars, any way? Was it a place? Was it a person? Images hung in his mind, images of a-
-so why was there no litter here?
There wasn't even a sun. A sun would have been good, a sun would burned away the fog, a sun would have shown him where he was-
But there was no sun.
And so he walked on.
************
Dr St Croix looked at the man in the bed and wished for the thousandth time that day that she could see into his mind.
There was nothing wrong with him, not physically. His vital signs were perfect, he seemed stronger than a lot of the staff at the hospital, let alone the other patients-
And yet he was still unconscious, little more than a breathing corpse.
It was just...
She clutched the clipboard in her hands so tightly her knuckes paled, frustrated.
It was just so stupid.
His friends, the ones who sat outside his room, the ones who'd been there for the past two days-
There was nothing she could tell them.
Nothing.
It was just so stupid.
*********
On he walked, through the dim grey world he now inhabited.
On he walked, solitary inhabitant of a cold, grey, emptiness.
What was the meaning of it all, he wondered?
Who was behind it, who had plucked him from the world of colour and life-
-flashes of people, flashes of a man ablaze, flashes of a girl with ever-changing hair, flashes of-
-who had dropped him into this nightmarish half-life?
He walked and walked, but did not tire, not any longer.
The fog froze him to the bone, but he did not feel it, not any longer.
There was nothing but the mist, and the spires, and the endless asphalt.
On he walked.
**********
Luke stood up, stretched, looked at the others.
"I'm going for a fag. Call me if anything happens?"
Max stood up as well.
"I'll join you. Might be some dishy doctors lurking about down there, eh?"
Luke rolled his eyes.
"You and your doctors."
Amiably, the two headed off down the corridor, backchatting and bantering each other as they went, leaving Jono and Nati behind.
They sat in silence, for what could be said?
What could make things better?
What indeed...
**********
There was someone else, he realised, someone else in the fog, someone following him.
And someone following him.
It was quite... disconcerting.
He would have been grateful of the company, but not this sort of company. This was almost...
...almost like being stalked.
He quickened his pace, and he slowed it, but still they kept pace with him, his unseen, unknown followers.
He didn't like it one bit.
A creeping doom, it felt like.
Inevitable, inexorable...
Inescapable.
*************
Hours of staring off into space were starting to wear on Nati’s nerves. She had curled herself into a ball next to Jono, waiting for some sign that his roommate was going to be all right. The chief resident had come and gone, but told them nothing. Hours, for some guy she barely knew.
“You know, you don’t have to stay,” said Jono. “I haven’t got a clue when they’re going to tell us anything or let us in there.”
“Well, I will have to go tonight,” she replied. “Gotta work in the morning.”
He kissed her forehead. “I’m glad you’re here now, though. It helps.”
She smiled. He stroked her hair. “Your roots are blue,” he said. “Were they like that this morning?” Nati looked up at him. She quickly adjusted her hair color, fading the purple back in. “What are you talking about?”
“They were just – I thought – maybe it was just a trick of the light. And I’m tired. But it looked like your roots were growing in blue.”
“Weird.”
**********
Meanwhile, in Massachusetts
Two days ago, Prof. Charles Xavier had been searching Cerebro for prospective students. There had been an explosion of power somewhere in London; a blackout according to the newspapers, completely inexplicable, but Xavier knew better. He had felt the surge. The London Times said there had only been one call to the local emergency room; a 27-year-old male who had been completely knocked out during the blackout. The hospital reported all vitals to be normal, but no sign that the boy was to come out of the coma.
Now Xavier lay in the medical lab, vitals being monitored by a nurse, as he sought the boy out with his mind.
He wandered through a field of fog, glass and metal towers spiraling up to the sky. He shadowed the figure in front of him. He just wanted to be sure …
“Brian?”
The figure whirled around. It was him.
***********
Nati suddenly jerked awake. Apparently, she had fallen asleep, but had only been out for all of ten minutes, according to her watch. Jono was now standing, talking to Dr. St. Croix.
“So we can see him, then?”
“Yes. We’re still not at all sure what’s wrong. His vitals are perfect … he’s just … not in there.”
Jono rubbed his eyes. “Right. You told me that already.”
Dr. St. Croix nodded. “Anyway, Dr. Morten said you could go in. He can’t see the harm in letting you guys see him. Hell, maybe if you talk to him … I don’t know. Might bring him back.”
Jono crouched in front of Nati’s chair. “You’re awake.”
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
“It’s okay. It’s been a long day. But they’re going to let us see him now, and --” Jono paused, nervous.
“What?”
“Well … I was hoping you might come in with me. It’s kind of weird, I know, because you don’t know him, but … well, the idea of seeing my roommate like that kind of freaks me out, and I was hoping –”
Nati looked Jono in the eyes. “Look, I’ve been here all day. I’ve got to go home soon, but there’s no harm in bringing you in there, innit?”
Jono smiled and held out his hand. Nati uncurled herself and set her feet on the floor and tried to stand up. She promptly sank to her knees, trying not to cry out.
“What? What is it?” Jono looked worried.
Nati gritted her teeth. “Pins … and sodding … needles …” Jono laughed and helped her back onto her feet. With his arm around her waist to help her along, they entered the room. Nati’s eyes widened.
“Erm. Jono?”
“Yeah?” His hands were shaking. He didn’t like seeing his roommate covered in wires.
“What did you say his name was again?”
“Brian, why?”
*Ohhhhhh, fuck,* Nati thought. *I’m standing here holding the hand of the roommate … FUCK!*
“I – I think I know him …”