YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

MOTHERFUCKING FACTS TIME

- when he was an older man, Thomas Jefferson was out walking with a younger woman whom he happened to admire. Wanting to impress her, he tried to leap over a fence but instead fell and severely injured his hand, requiring months to fully heal

- Harry S Truman nearly choked to death on a peach pit when he was three years old. His mother saved him by forcing the pit down his throat with her hands

- both of William Taft's parents had hoped he had been born a girl

- Andrew Jackson had a habit of slobbering well into his teens

- Ulysses S Grant remained nameless for a month after his birth until his parents settled on his legal name: Hiram Ulysses Grant (HUG)

- Benjamin Harrison had his named misspelled on the program for his commencent- at which he was the main speaker

AND SO MANY MORE. If you comment with your favorite president, I will give you a fact/short story about them AND I WILL TRY NOT TO MAKE IT ONE OF THE OBVIOUS STORIES like 'Washington didn't have wooden teeth' (actually his teeth were made of animal bones and/or the teeth of slaves, and he had one tooth in his head that was his but we don't know where in his mouth it was) I will aim for the more obscure so you can be a presidential hipster or something.

REGARDLESS I HOPE YOU HAVE THE MOST MARVELLOUS DAY EVER AND I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!! :D :D :D

In honor of this most wonderful of holidays celebrating dead white guys, I'm going to tell some facts (because it's the only day where it's socially acceptable to do so. ....Although that never stops me the other 364 days, so...) HERE WE GO:

Teddy Roosevelt hated vulgar jokes and he would walk away in the middle of a story if he thought it was going to get dirty.

Calvin Coolidge liked to wear underwear that was too big for him.

James Buchanan had one eye that was nearsighted and another that was farsighted—he would close one eye and tilt his head depending on what he was looking at.

Benjamin Harrison had his name misspelled on the program for his commencement, where he was giving the main address.

Taft’s parents had hoped he was a girl.

John Adams loved Shakespeare so much that when he went to Shakespeare’s house, he carved a sliver out of the wood form a chair.

George Washington died while taking his own pulse.

JFK lost his virginity at age 17 (which is a bit late if you think about his reputation) in a Harlem brothel.

Abraham Lincoln was so good at reading/reciting Shakespeare, people swore he’d missed his calling and ought to have been an actor.

I hope y'all have the most AMAZING Presidents Day EVER. I'm going to carry my giant cardboard cutout of Lincoln all day tomorrow, so that's exciting. MAYBE I'LL DANCE WITH HIM AT DINNER AND DANCING.