xaliceunknownx

"I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea."

-I Am Not Yours, Sara Teasdale

"What do I owe to you

I forgot to renew my paid membership and now i lost my icons and have ads on my page ewwww ;n;

Fandom: Kodocha
Pairing: Sana/Akito

During the time when Sana was trapped inside the burning building for the shoot of Mizu no Yakata, she had a strange vision whilst passed out. 

When she was flat on the ground, having fainted, when the smoke started to seep into the hallway, she heard Hayama's voice. He just murmured a hushed Hey to her as he nudged her cheek. He told her that she had to wake up. She could tell he was panicked, by the shake of his hand and the urgency in his voice. But she didn't really hear what he was saying to her anymore. It was beginning to get really hot all around her, and Hayama's fingers were cool, and she didn't want to move away from them. She didn't stir. She wanted his hands on her heated skin. It was a great comfort to her. The smoke was nulling her senses, and Hayama's words became muffled, as if Sana was hearing him speak through water. He shook her with one hand by her arm, but she couldn't find the energy or will to move any more. And she had an aching feeling that Hayama would disappear from her if she moved.

Truth be told, she would've been content dying that way, with Hayama panicked over her and with his hand on her cheek. She would've kept still until she died. Everything that was life around her had been dulled and numbed. Even Hayama. The sharp clarity of reality she'd normally feel around him, the jittery pain she knew she'd have to experience as soon as she saw his face in school again, had vaporized. And now he was here, speaking to her about things she couldn't really understand right now, but which sounded fretted and caring and worrisome and rushed all at once. And everything felt fine. It was as if the presence, the entity, of Fuka has disappeared from his mind and she was all that mattered. If there had been a spot in his mind reserved for Fuka, it had dissolved in Sana's consuming it. Everything felt restored to the way it was in middle school, before growing up. Sana liked it. Sana liked feeling like she mattered so much to him, him above anyone else. It made dying so much easier now that he was here, touching her, feeling over her.

When she never budged, Hayama brought his face down to hers, his eyelashes faintly tingling her forehead, his nose brushing hers. He leaned forward and whispered something to her she couldn't make sense of, but his lips on her ear seemed to mumble something short and sweet. His face tickled against hers. Something tiny, warm and wet plopped down on her arm. As much as she didn't want to see him cry, his compassion and sorrows reassured and soothed her. It was such an easy way to go out. 

Well, it would have been, if not for the fact that the tiny warmth on her arm began to burn. And she was snapped away from it all.

…

Just a little something I wrote up.

I honestly cannot stop thinking about this headcanon. In my mind, sometimes Hayama carries Sana out too, and she's comforted when she's hauled on his back.

I'm thinking about maybe posting little short fics on here. Like, ones that are too short or too random to upload to my FF account, I'd upload to here.

I'm gonna try to force myself to write more, since I haven't uploaded anything in months (on my FF account). I need my inspiration back….

.

I'm sort of coming to the realization that the only time I really, really like guys are when they are ridiculously in love with a girl.

Not as much in real life, but in anime and music and media in general. Because in reality, there's no phantasmagorical element to every day life. Very rarely in life do we have experiences that give us a reason to think of someone else as amazing. 

And in reality, somehow, guys who view girls as amazing usually aren't perceived the same way by the girl. A lot of times, it's not the super-attractive, all-around likable guys who feel this way. And you know, in anime, the guy who feels this way is attractive and likable. And in music, the guy who sings about the girl being the light of his life or the color in his world has a really smoldering voice. 

And because we're so exposed to this kind of media, and because these guys are typically so young, they only understand the bliss that can come with feeling so in love with a girl and yet they don't take from it that it only works in the guy's favor when he's attractive. So guys grow up thinking it's okay to make a girl his "world".

And the girls encourage the hell out of it. They love those characters and those songs. I'm not going to pretend like I'm not a part of that category of girls. I deeply adore music about guys in love, and seeing an attractive guy character in love with a girl revs up my shipper engine. But it's not really fair. They unattractive, sensitive guys who don't get girls easily hold these feelings inside of them, while guys who have girls hanging off of them don't need to be in love to get whoever they want.

I hate the system.

Gonna delete soon~

1.)  2.) 3.) 4.) 5.)

I would just like to point out that one of those usernames is UglyBrownNiggerObama.

Basically a place I go to when I'm having anime/kawaii feels where I can reblog my anime and kawaiishit.

http://aliceunknown.tumblr.com/