My therapist always starts our session with “How are you?” and I always say “I’m good!” and then spend the next hour talking about how I am decidedly Not Good.
- I’m no expert on cows but they are nosy as hell. If ur doin something near a cow they’re gonna come look. If there’s a structure near them,they gotta wander in and see what’s goin on in there. I saw a yard sale set up in a barn and all the cows were inside lookin at the stuff.
- A guy just tried to MANSPLAIN to me what a sawhorse is but I SHUT HIM DOWN bc I am WELL AWARE that it’s the past tense of seahorse, THANKS
- Yesterday my friends had a 5 minute discussion about where to put me in the car due to my freak level carsickness while I shouted “I can sit in the back! It’s FINE” and they finally let me sit in the back and you’ll never guess what happened next
- The original Alien is the best because of the smoking. No futuristic nicotine delivery. Just blasting cigs around all that sensitive space equipment. That’s the direction technology advanced: to allow cigarettes in spacecrafts.
- Replying to @spacej_meI did NOT throw up but when I got out of the car I opened my mouth to say I was OKAY and I GAGGED and everyone FROWNED
- I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that… so now what
- Free idea for the writers of “The Pitt”: an ER doctor who wears flip flops (feet get too hot in regular shoes) and after delivering bad news, they smack with each step as she walks away (this is based on a real person)
- someone left their corn in the women’s bathroom at Dulles International Airport
- Replying to @spacej_me“WhY diDnT YoU jUsT SiT uP FrOnt” because I wanted you to have something to be mad about. I wanted you to be mad at me and tell me about it. I wanted to read your analysis of the situation you have no context of where you conclude I’m the idiot and you are mad about that
- Possums basically just grow until they die so if u see a really big possum that is an elder and u should be respectful or u will not see the kingdom of heaven
- men are disgusting little pigs and if you’re nice and flirty enough with one it does not matter what you look like
- finding out someone hot has a crush on me and getting scared about it
