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Matt
14K posts
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Matt
@scriptumsent
and gathering swallows X in the skies
Joined April 2011
970
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1,084
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  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Mar 1, 2025
    Having a mysterious death at age 95 is actually impressive
    user avatar
    Pop Base
    @PopBase
    Feb 28, 2025
    Gene Hackman and his wife tested negative for carbon monoxide poisoning as their cause of death remains unknown. The actor’s pacemaker indicates he died on February 17 — over a week before he, his wife, and dog were found dead.
    4.2M
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Jul 31, 2024
    A perfect pilot would land the plane
    user avatar
    Emir Han
    @RealEmirHan
    Jul 30, 2024
    What TV show had a perfect pilot? I’ll start:
    4.6M
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Jun 28, 2024
    the way “rawdogging” has entered common parlance for anything done unassisted is vile to me, personally
    4.5M
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Jul 30, 2022
    Nathan Fielder descending through Dante’s inferno going “oh ok” to everyone’s stories
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Aug 12, 2022
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Aug 22, 2024
    Me (lying next to 4yo as he falls asleep, thinking about the brevity of life and trying to impress this very moment in my memory for when he is grown): I love you 4yo (whispering very softly): Daddy you need a mint
    2.5M
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Sep 30, 2024
    581K
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Oct 13, 2024
    919K
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Jun 19, 2025
    I keep seeing this more and more… yet another sign of declining literacy: all these new children’s books with sing-song rhymes you can’t really perform aloud because there’s no effort to square the meter.
    user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Nov 23, 2020
    When the kid’s bedtime book rhymes but doesn’t scan
    1.4M
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Aug 10, 2024
    All due respect, I don’t think the two accomplishments are remotely similar
    user avatar
    Sesame Street
    @sesamestreet
    Aug 9, 2024
    Did you know that Slimey won 5 gold medals at the Worm Summer Games on Sesame Street? He still has a ways to go before he catches Ms. @SimoneBiles though! #ParisOlympics #SlimeyInParis
    657K
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    May 8, 2025
    They call it the Windy City because of the Holy Spirit
    273K
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Jul 21, 2025
    716K
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Jun 16, 2024
    Are you sitting down cuz I have some great news
    This Post is from an account that no longer exists. Learn more
    421K
  • user avatar
    Matt
    @scriptumsent
    Jul 15, 2025
    Still my favorite punchline
    user avatar
    Matt
    00:00
    user avatar
    Matt
    You’re unable to view this Post because this account owner limits who can view their Posts. Learn more
    383K

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