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John Thyroid
3,516 posts
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John Thyroid
@banay_john
unc peater
Extremely Online
Joined April 2017
931
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  • Pinned
    user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    May 12, 2024
    The Carrot Salad Ballad
    00:00
    593K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Jul 1, 2025
    We got married btw
    user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Jun 12, 2020
    Second week on the job. Coworker told me good morning. I think she’s into me
    25M
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Aug 8, 2025
    Homeless people when you offer them food instead of cash
    34M
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Aug 1, 2025
    This would fuel me for approximately 15 minutes
    user avatar
    Gary Brecka
    @thegarybrecka
    Jul 31, 2025
    Fuel for the day
    807K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Jul 18, 2025
    People don’t say “I’m thirsty” anymore they say this
    user avatar
    cynomel muncher
    @cynomel
    Jul 18, 2025
    fuck my beverageless drinkcel life
    926K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Jul 11, 2025
    I have never seen a homeless person with Down syndrome
    9M
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Jul 23, 2025
    Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol
    1M
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Jul 25, 2025
    “The skin is the largest organ in the body” well it’s the 2nd largest for me. If u know what I mean
    349K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Oct 20, 2024
    “Hi welcome to Donald’s what can I get started for you?” “I’ll have 4 McGroypers, two Freedom Fries (hold the seed oils), a side of America First Sauce and a Diet Coke”
    456K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Sep 8, 2025
    Just got promoted at my job with a major automaker. I’m the guy responsible for replacing all physical buttons with a touch screen that has a 5 second delay
    379K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Aug 24, 2024
    I was molested by Tim Walz behind an Arby’s in Coon Rapids, Minnesota in 2014 and the Democrats are trying to silence my story
    1.5M
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Aug 10, 2025
    user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Aug 8, 2025
    Homeless people when you offer them food instead of cash
    431K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Aug 2, 2025
    It probably feels good af to drive a Subaru to an REI
    435K
  • user avatar
    John Thyroid
    @banay_john
    Jun 12, 2020
    Second week on the job. Coworker told me good morning. I think she’s into me