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Laurie Kilmartin
@anylaurie16
Standup / Late Night Writer / Book “Dead People Suck” / Hulu special “Cis Woke Grief Sl*t" (Hulu, Amazon, Apple TV) - On Tour
USA
lauriekilmartin.com
Joined November 2007
5,999
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99.3K
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  • Pinned
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 9
    📍 London! I'm headed your way in July. Leave some good lap pools in the comments, I'm bringing my fins. 🎤  I'll be headlining the @sohotheatre July 27th and 28th. 🎟️ Tickets & more sohotheatre.com/events/laurie-… 💥  Tag or share with a friend in London!
    00:00
    1.3K
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Aug 27, 2025
    Well we’re not gonna use it
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    New York Post
    @nypost
    Aug 27, 2025
    Chinese doctor accused of stealing confidential US-funded cancer research trib.al/7e0NGqu
    7.2M
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 11, 2024
    I thought his hands around her throat was behind it
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    Kaiser@Celebitchy
    @KaiseratCB
    Jun 11, 2024
    Brad Pitt believes Angelina Jolie was ‘behind’ the kids dropping his surname celebitchy.com/875315/
    3.3M
  • user avatar
    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 21, 2020
    We couldn’t wear masks for 3 months, so now we’re going to have to wear them for 2 years.
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    May 4, 2024
    So more than half dont?
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    New York Post
    @nypost
    May 3, 2024
    Almost half of Americans want anti-Israel protests banned from college campuses: poll trib.al/uZv9PyF
    1.8M
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 22, 2020
    just got in my first post-dead mom shouting match with a lady whose mask was around her chin. Gotta admit, it felt good to yell “My mom died four days ago, pull your fucking mask up” in a pet store.
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    May 9, 2025
    How long til men pretending to be ICE just grab women off the streets?
    9.2M
  • user avatar
    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 17, 2020
    Aubrey, my mom is dying of COVID, I’m watching it right now on Facetime. The palliative care team says her bed will be ready for you in 12-24 hours. See you then!
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    Aubrey Huff
    @aubrey_huff
    Jun 15, 2020
    I will no longer wear a mask inside any business. It’s unconstitutional to enforce. Let’s make this bullshit stop now! Who’s with me? #coronavirus
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Mar 5, 2024
    Dozens affected!
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    John DeVore
    @JohnDeVore
    Mar 5, 2024
    OH GOD THREADS IS DOWN TOO
    3.1M
  • user avatar
    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 18, 2020
    In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you throw hot coffee on the face of anyone not wearing a mask.
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jul 13, 2025
    I thought the base knew Trump was an Epsteiner and didnt care- but its looking like they really didn’t know?
    2.7M
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    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Oct 4, 2024
    HOLY FUCK
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    Sky News
    @SkyNews
    Oct 4, 2024
    Scientists at the University of Oxford have developed the world's first ovarian cancer vaccine that could wipe the disease out, researchers have said. 🔗 Read more trib.al/MGeukdK
    Readers added context
    The tweet is incorrect- as the article itself states, the vaccine is “being developed” and they are still in the very early stages-they haven’t even decided what the vaccine will target yet. Link to the same article to meet the Community Notes requirements: t.co/u991BBczgn
    2.1M
  • user avatar
    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 18, 2020
    Mom passed away at 9:40 AM.
  • user avatar
    Laurie Kilmartin
    @anylaurie16
    Jun 13, 2020
    So I am just watching my mom sleep and cough in her hospital bed, over Facetime, trying to gulp down these last moments having a mom. This is all happening so fast.