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mike
19.5K posts
user avatar
mike
@MikeBorses
ever read a fortune cookie fortune? yeah. I probably wrote that.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined July 2017
1,381
Following
6,074
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  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Dec 3, 2023
    Rip me out the plastic I been actin’ brand-new
    user avatar
    荒木鮮魚店
    00:00
    user avatar
    荒木鮮魚店
    6.8M
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Apr 1, 2023
    Replying to @SomaKazima
    Guess the only person who ended up eating was the manager
    494K
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Mar 18, 2024
    ok... so a very hot guy tapped me on Grindr, I said hi, he started being silly and playful. My profile says "hey nerds," so he was calling me a nerd, v cute. Then he asks if I want to see a poem. It was so bad I ended up talking to him like a kindergarten teacher! Idk what to say
    4.1M
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Dec 12, 2023
    If you had told me in December 2022 that this was going to be the final boss of 2023 I would have said “yeah ok, that makes sense.”
    2.1M
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Jan 3, 2024
    I had this big football player, I think he was pro or college player I don’t recall, sit on my face, almost suffocated. This man was so thicc, I remember initially trying to wrap my arms around his thighs to draw him in closer… but his thighs were too thick. He still texts me.
    user avatar
    ICON
    @1NoelNiks
    Jan 3, 2024
    told him to sit on my face and I ALMOST SUFFOCATED never again just bent ova instead
    00:00
    2.3M
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Nov 9, 2025
    Because RN means registered nurse
    user avatar
    spencer (top 0.1% of spencers)
    @hoddsuspenders
    Nov 9, 2025
    why do I always read this as a horny nurse 😩😩😩
    1.1M
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    May 10, 2023
    When Blue Ivy asks Jay-Z where her mother is tonight
    542K
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Jan 1, 2024
    Well this was humiliating
    1.9M
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Aug 4, 2023
    Bottoms will say “in my top era” and it’s because they have a fissure
    790K
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Feb 21, 2024
    Ok I’m gonna start saving now for my facelift.
    user avatar
    King B
    @bbsfresh
    Feb 21, 2024
    I’m impressed again
    825K
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Apr 30, 2024
    Replying to @notcapnamerica
    Why did she gag her like that 😭😭
    496K
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Dec 15, 2023
    This guy is a big f*ckin piece of sh*t
    795K
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Mar 15, 2024
    Oh wow. I’ve officially reached that stage in my bottoming career where my farts just kind hiss instead of making a fart noise.
    1.2M
  • user avatar
    mike
    @MikeBorses
    Nov 4, 2025
    You’d be shocked at the number of people who think FF means friends first.
    user avatar
    Chris
    @gobshitechris
    Nov 2, 2025
    Not this 😭😭
    685K