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Garry Shandling
7,428 posts
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Garry Shandling
@GarryShandling
Everywhere
garryshandling.com
Joined September 2010
681
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Mar 30, 2018
    Friends who love Garry, working with his estate, are opening up Garry’s twitter. We will occasionally tweet material from the writings, notes and journals he has left us: “Let life live through you. Presence. Compassion. Kindness.”
  • user avatar
    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    May 19, 2011
    When I die, at the eulogy I want my boxing coach to walk up coffin, and begin: "One! two! three! four! Five! Six! He's not getting up!"
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Mar 5, 2016
    Re Trump. A real man doesn't talk about the size of his penis unless he's a comedian.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Dec 8, 2015
    Donald Trump has been radicalized.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Mar 19, 2016
    If I was Kanye I wouldn't wait for the GOP convention, I'd go make a deal with Mitt right now.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Apr 1, 2018
    Everything that has happened in the past has brought you to this single moment. How miraculous is that? Everything from the time you were born, and before, is in this single untimeable moment.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Feb 24, 2016
    These people look like they just saw a UFO.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Sep 11, 2014
    Just got a new iphone12. It fucks itself.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Aug 29, 2020
    Everyone is worried about that final judgement....well, I say turn it around, put the pressure on God: I've got a lot of explaining, NO YOU have a lot of explaining. What the Hell where you thinking...?????
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Jun 22, 2018
    I learned to drive on my dad's lap. I'd sit on his lap and he'd work the brakes and I'd work the wheel. Then I took the exam and sat on the Examiner. I failed the test, but he still writes to me.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Aug 11, 2014
    Stunned. Such another great soul, lost.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Dec 16, 2012
    Why doesn't the NRA get behind allowing Iran to have a nuclear weapon? Because, nuclear weapons don't kill people. People kill people.
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    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Feb 12, 2016
    I'm starting to envy those who live under a dictatorship and don't have to vote. #DemDebate
  • user avatar
    Garry Shandling
    @GarryShandling
    Jun 16, 2021
    Yeah, my dog died, so I took his ashes back to Hawaii. And I got drunk and I threw his ashes in the kid's pool by mistake. The next day I realized it, but I thought, you know, he always liked to play with the kids. He's going to be happy.

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