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Dad Jokes
15.7K posts
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Dad Jokes
@Dadsaysjokes
Best dad jokes on twitter - we’re also on Instagram and Facebook.
linktr.ee/DadJokesBook
Joined September 2017
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658.2K
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  • Pinned
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Jun 14, 2024
    1.4M
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Oct 19, 2024
    When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted. Turns out that is 9 pm.
    2.6M
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Nov 30, 2022
    Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident. They put me in the ICU.
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Mar 16, 2024
    My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?! I was taken aback....what a weird way to start a conversation.
    2.5M
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Aug 25, 2024
    If anybody wants to know why Gen X is always mad, it's because we had to replace our record collections with a tape collection that we had to replace with a CD collection that we had to replace with an MP3 collection, and now we need a subscription to listen to music.
    1M
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Oct 15, 2022
    5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants. Now they’re tenants.
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Nov 15, 2022
    I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China. He says he can't complain.
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Dec 23, 2024
    He's making his list...He's checkin' it twice. He left it at home. He's texting his wife.
    548K
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Apr 17, 2020
    A man walks into a bar. Lucky bastard.
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Aug 11, 2022
    I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Jul 11, 2025
    At a certain point in your life, sitting at home alone watching TV on a Friday night goes from being super depressing to the most enjoyable part of your week.
    338K
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Mar 29, 2021
    No more Suez Canal jokes! That ship has sailed.
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Nov 9, 2022
    A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what’s your blood type?” “I’m probably a type O”, said the rabbit.
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    Dad Jokes
    @Dadsaysjokes
    Dec 17, 2022
    I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.   She gave me a hug.
    770K