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Updated Oct 14, 202414 Official Mother-of-the-Bride Duties in Detail
What exactly is expected of the bride's mom? Here's a rundown.
When a bride gets engaged and begins planning her wedding, one of the first things to figure out is her mom's role and, specifically, the mother-of-the-bride responsibilities. The MOB will undoubtedly be a key player in the bride's big day, but you might be wondering, exactly what does the mother of the bride do?
There are a few aspects of mother-of-the-bride etiquette, as well as common jobs for the mother of the bride, that help define her role. But it's important to remember that her involvement can be as unique as the bride herself.
While there's a traditional list of mother-of-the-bride responsibilities (which we've outlined below), ultimately, the bride's mom should do what feels most helpful for her daughter, as well as whatever best suits her strengths. She can handle some logistics if she's meticulously organized and loves to take the reins. Is mom more laid back about the nuts and bolts but gifted with an eye for design and aesthetics? She should give input on style decisions and mood boards. The key is for mom to feel included in ways that are comfortable for both her and the bride.
From offering planning advice to wrangling RSVPs to providing emotional support and helping hands, below is a list of traditional MOB (meaning mother of the bride) wedding responsibilities that you can use as a mother-of-the-bride checklist.
In this article:
- What Is the Role of the Mother of the Bride?
- Traditions Involving the Mother of the Bride
- Her Full List of Duties and Responsibilities
- Our Best Advice for Mothers of the Bride
What Is the Role of the Mother of the Bride?
The mother of the bride's role can be as big or small as the bride wants it to be. The main thing is to offer support, which can look different for everyone. Some brides may want their mom to help with everything, from wedding planning (like scouting venues and narrowing down the guest list) to hosting the bridal shower. Others might prefer their mom to focus on coordinating with the in-laws or handling out-of-town guests.
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Of course, there are some duties that the MOB is traditionally responsible for, but feel free to pick and choose which jobs for the mother of the bride work best for you two.
Traditions Involving the Mother of the Bride
Some may think that mother-of-the-bride duties just include finding the wedding dress and paying for the wedding — and while those are certainly important parts — they don't cover the full scope of the role.
In fact, while the bride's family traditionally paid for the majority of the wedding, these days, it's actually more common for couples and their families to split the bill. According to The Knot Real Weddings Study from 2023, the average couple's parents paid for roughly 51% of wedding costs, and the couple paid for 49% of expenses themselves.
While each mother-of-the-bride role is as unique as the relationship between mother and daughter, there are a few time-honored traditions that often fall to the bride's mother to lead or assist with, helping make the wedding planning experience even more memorable. Some mother-of-the-bride traditions include:
- Helping select the wedding dress
- Weighing in on venue selection, the final guest list and the wedding registry
- Informing on familial and/or cultural wedding traditions
- Attending (and possibly hosting) prewedding events, such as the wedding shower and rehearsal dinner
- Taking part in the wedding and reception festivities
- Being a shoulder to lean on
Her Full List of Duties and Responsibilities
While, yes, there is a long list of potential bride's mother's duties here, the main theme can be summed up in one word: support. "The ideal mother of the bride is supportive in every aspect of the bride's wedding journey," says Claudia G. De Velasco, founder and creative director at A Day to Remember in Houston, Texas. "In the end, the happiest brides are those whose mom was emotionally supportive without overwhelming or overtaking the bride with her ideas. The planning should be left to the wedding planner, while the mother of the bride is there to guide her daughter on a more personal aspect."
If you're looking for a more specific list of mother-of-the-bride duties and responsibilities (or even just a few mother-of-the-bride tips), we've got you covered.
1. Research and scout venues.
The mother of the bride often helps the couple check out ceremony and reception sites. Whether she attends site tours or pitches in by doing research, calling for quotes or asking friends and family for recommendations, it's up to the soon-to-be weds how hands-on mom should be in the venue hunt.
2. Act as a point person for vendors.
The couple are only two people (presumably with busy schedules), so the mother of the bride can be helpful by serving as either a main contact or just an extra point person for wedding pros. This will be a huge help, especially if the wedding is taking place in the bride's hometown where she lives while the couple live elsewhere.
3. Provide input on the registry.
If mom and daughter have similar tastes, it could be a good idea to enlist her help in creating the wedding registry. The mother of the bride can accompany the bride and her future spouse to stores if selecting registry items in person or be a second set of eyes to review potential additions to the gift list.
As for whether the bride's mom should get the happy couple a gift herself, De Velasco says, "In this day and age, we don't really have rules about gifting." "We always say, gift if it is in you to give. Ideally, if the parents are already financing the wedding, that alone is a generous gift. If we are looking for a more sentimental gift, we recommend a thoughtful piece of heirloom jewelry. We also encourage our brides to give a special and personal thank-you gift to their moms."
4. Assist with guest list creation and the seating chart.
Of course, the couple should be the majority vote when it comes to the guest list—but the bride's mom can be super helpful by compiling and sending all the names and addresses to be included on the master list. In addition, she can connect with her soon-to-be in-laws about who's on their list and manage the tricky task of limiting the number of guests, if necessary.
Once the guest list is confirmed and RSVPs are received, it's time to create the seating chart. While the couple will likely take the lead on creating the seating chart, the mother of the bride may be tasked with arranging the seating assignments for the bride's family members. If the bride's parents have their own table, the mother of the bride should also decide who she'd like to sit with.
5. Give input on the ceremony program and participate on the wedding day.
The mother of the bride is a great resource to tap for family, cultural or religious traditions to incorporate into the wedding ceremony. If she feels strongly about having the couple include something in particular—be it an important heirloom or a significant unity ceremony—she can do some research and help plan the best way to infuse it into the program.
When it comes time for the ceremony, the mother of the bride has several options. She can escort her daughter down the aisle, either solo or alongside the father of the bride. In Jewish ceremonies, it's traditional for both parents to accompany the bride. Whereas in Christian ceremonies, if the father is walking the bride down the aisle, wedding protocol for the mother of the bride is to typically take her seat in the first pew just before the ceremony begins. However, if she wishes to be part of the processional lineup, the mother of the bride can choose to walk in before the wedding party, or even after and precede the bride.
6. Help choose the wedding dress.
If the bride and her mom are close, it's typical to enlist her help on all things wedding attire related. From trunk shows to bridal salons to fittings, she can lend an expert eye, good judgment and the coveted motherly nod of approval.
7. Find a look she loves.
Forget what you've heard about mother-of-the-bride attire etiquette. If she wants guidelines, her daughter can share what she'd love to see her in or what would complement the rest of her wedding details and overall vibe. Other than that, mom is free to find a gorgeous gown, suit or other style that makes her look and feel amazing. To be courteous, the mother of the bride should stick to traditional etiquette here: Get in touch with the in-laws to make sure they don't either clash or match exactly (although, if they do, everyone will survive—promise!).
8. Follow up with guests and handle sticky situations.
Once the RSVPs start rolling in, the couple may be faced with some etiquette dilemmas. Aunt Matilda wants to bring her new boyfriend. Cousin Roger hasn't RSVP'd. Their old neighbor wrote her kids' names on the RSVP card, but they're not invited. If issues arise with guests on the bride's family's side, it's the mother of the bride's duty to handle them. This may require her to have some uncomfortable conversations, but her goal should be to ensure that the couple's wishes are carried out.
9. Attend or plan prewedding events.
It's no longer a faux pas for the bride's side to host the bridal shower (it used to be frowned upon because people thought it made the bride's family look greedy for gifts, but that's pretty much irrelevant now). So if the mother of the bride wants to throw a shower (and it's okay with the bridal party), she absolutely should. This can also be a useful way to channel her energy if the bride wants her to be more hands-off in the wedding planning process. "The mother of the bride can definitely plan and host the bridal shower," says De Velasco. "This is where the MOB can shine brightly and feel they have a sense of control."
If the maid of honor and bridesmaids are hosting the bridal shower, the mother of the bride may instead host the engagement party or the rehearsal dinner (though the groom's family typically hosts the night-before celebration). At the very least, the mother of the bride should attend these prewedding events.
10. Take charge of out-of-towners.
If many out-of-town guests are on the bride's family's side, the mother of the bride should serve as their hostess and point of contact during the wedding weekend. Another possible mother-of-the-bride responsibility? Creating the welcome bags for out-of-towners and ensuring they're dropped off at the correct hotels.
11. Join the getting-ready fun.
On the morning of the wedding, the mother of the bride typically joins her daughter to help get ready for the big day. Yes, mom can help adjust the bride's veil and zip up her dress, but she can also be a source of support during those last, potentially nerve-wracking moments before the ceremony. Not only will this be an emotional moment, but it's also a great opportunity for the photographer to capture some truly special mother-daughter photos.
12. Welcome guests.
It's the mother of the bride's responsibility to greet all the guests she knows and introduce herself to those she doesn't. The MOB should be part of the receiving line (if the couple is having one), and if not, she should go table to table to say hello to guests and thank them for attending.
13. Enjoy the party.
The mother of the bride sits at either the parents' table, the head table with the couple or mixes with other immediate family or good friends. The couple and their parents should discuss how they'd like to seat everyone for dinner. If opting for a more formal first dance sequence, the mother of the bride typically shares a dance with both the father of the bride and the bride's new spouse after the newlywed first dance. While the mother of the bride doesn't traditionally give a speech, she may join the father of the bride for his toast and say a few words as well—or give her own solo speech.
14. Be a shoulder to lean on.
The mother of the bride is just that—mom. She's a well of wisdom, solid advice and emotional support and her biggest job throughout the wedding planning process is to be the amazing mom she's been all along.
Our Best Advice for Mothers of the Bride
Having a child get married is a huge milestone for any mom, but it's crucial to remember that this is her child's big day, not hers. The mother of the bride's role is to support the couple in their decision-making and provide input when asked, not take control of the wedding or be overbearing. And on the wedding day, the mother of the bride should trust the vendors and not try to micromanage the professionals.
"The MOB should never take on the burden of planning a wedding," says De Velasco. "Quite the contrary, they should be immersed in the joys and excitement of the experience. When moms take the supportive role, they are much happier and have less disagreements with their daughters regarding planning ideas. On the day of the wedding, we as planners, want our moms to be in the moment and actually be a mom—vs. being a mom and planner."
Additional reporting by Shyla Watson
