DATING
in Emerging Adulthood
LOVE
TRUST
COMMITMENT
ATTRACTION
LOVE
Motivates communication and the desire to connect.
TRUST
Provides safety and a sound foundation to build on.
COMMITMENT
Presents goals that are established and focused on during the good and bad
times.
ATTRACTION
Helps with physical intimacy which creates a stronger bond and attachment.
What is dating?
Merriam-Webster — Dating is to make usual romantic social
arrangements
Jonathan Pokluda — Dating is the road to marriage
“We date because God gave us the gift of marriage, and we’re trying to
get there.”
Dating is an American creation
“When you’re dating for marriage rather than dating for fun, you’ll evaluate potential dating
partners differently. You’ll look for traits that will make them a good spouse.”
How does this idea of dating compare to culture today?
Statistics
(Pew Research Center)
48% of emerging adults report having used online dating sites (this
does not include Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok, etc.)
34% of young adult women (18-29) & 63% of young adult men (18-29)
report singleness
In 1960, 65% of all people aged 18-32 were married, in 2020, 29% of
18-32 y.o. are married. The same study says that of the 71% who aren’t
married, about 7 in 10 would like to be.
Average length of romantic relationship in EA is 17.5 months (has gone
down in past few years)
The rise of “just talking”ships
A consistent finding is that most emerging
adults would rather be asked out or ask
someone on a date instead of “just
talking.”
The Institute for Family Studies took a
sample of 655 emerging adults and found
that only 7.6% stated that they would
rather engage in “just talking” behavior
rather than actually go on dates.
Intimacy vs. Isolation
Can I commit? Who am I with other people? (Erikson’s 6th stage of
development)
Need to seek identity before intimacy
● Acquiring autonomy and a sense of self while developing the capacity
for intimacy in relationships
● Seek companionship and a close relationship with another person or
experience isolation and self-absorption through difficulty developing
intimate relationships with others
● One of the biggest developmental tasks in EA is pursuing intimate, long-
lasting romantic relationships
● Balancing act – romantic relationships, friendships, social roles,
loneliness
● Conflict in relationships actually weakens immune system
Attraction & Love
What are the factors?
Men first attracted to physical appearance
Women first attracted to money
Proximity : Physical nearness
Familiarity : Being familiar
Similarity : Finding those like you
Reciprocity : Feeling the same way about each other
Liking
Intimacy
Passion
Commitment
Romantic Love
Companionate
Fatuous Love
Attachment Theory in YA
Consummate Love
The complete form of
love, representing the
ideal relationship toward
which many people
strive but which
apparently few actually
achieve.
The relationships in the early
Types of Attachment stages of life affect relationships
in the future!!
Secure
Easy to build close relationships with others Anxious resistant
Able to depend on others and be depended Would like to be closer than
on others allow
Little to no worries about abandonment
Anxious avoidant Often worries if their partner
really loves them
Somewhat uncomfortable getting close to
others Wants extreme closeness
Has difficulty trusting others
Nervous when others get too close (relationally)
