Amity Institute of Psychology and Allied Sciences

Psychology of Love

Psychologists and researchers have proposed several different

theories of love to explain how love forms and endures. Love is a
basic human emotion, but understanding how and why it happens
is not necessarily easy.
According to the triangular theory of love developed by psychologist
Robert Sternberg, the three components of love are intimacy,
passion, and commitment. ... “Romantic love evolves when one
feels a sense of interdependence, attachment, and that their
psychological needs are being met,”
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 Love versus Liking Amity Institute of Psychology and Allied Sciences

• There are many different theories of love • Love is a basic

human emotion, but understanding how and why it happens is
not easy • For a long time scientists and psychologists said this
was a concept that simply could not be explained
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Four Major Psychological Theories of love

• Liking Versus Love

• LOVE is made up of three elements: attachment, caring, and

intimacy • Attachment is the need to receive care, approval,
and physical contact with another person • Caring involves
valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as
your own • Intimacy involves the sharing of thoughts, desires,
and feelings with another person.
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Rubin Love Survey

• Based on his view of (romantic) love, Rubin developed two

surveys which measured love versus liking • The results of the
survey provided his support for his love theory (good friends
scored high on the liking scale, significant other scored high of
the love scale)
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What does this research tell us? •

• Love is not a concrete concept and is therefore difficult to
measure • Rubin’s scales of liking and love offer a way to
measure the complex feeling of love .
• Compassionate vs. Passionate Love •

Psychologist Elaine Hatfield and her research team state that

there are two types of love; compassionate and passionate
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Compassionate Love
•
• is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and
trust • Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of
mutual understanding and shared respect for one another.
• Passionate Love •
• is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety
and affection • It is transitory, usually lasting between 6 and 30
months • When these intense emotions are reciprocated,
people feel elated and fulfilled.
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Passionate Love

• Arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love,

when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal
love, and when you experience heightened physiological
arousal in the presence of the other person. • Ideally,
passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far
more enduring.
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Guiding Point of C/P Love Theory •

• While most people desire relationships that combine the

security and stability of compassionate with the intensity of
passionate love, Hatfield believes that this is rare
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The Color Wheel Model of Love

• In his 1973 book The Colors of Love, John Lee compared styles
of love to the color wheel. • Just as there are three primary
colors, Lee suggested that there are three primary styles of
love.
 Primary Styles of Love
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• 1. Eros – Loving an ideal person

• 2. Ludos – Love as a game
• 3. Storge – Love as friendship
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Eros: Loving the Ideal Person

• This is the stereotypical romantic love
• Choose their lovers by intuition or "chemistry“
• More likely to say they fell in love at first sight or because they
are what they expected out of a significant other.
Tend to address their significant other with pet names
• Often perceived as a hopeless romantic • Advantage:
sentimentality, very relaxing to the person doing it
• Disadvantage: is the inevitability of the decay in attraction, and
the danger of living in a fantasy world.
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Ludos: Love as a Game

• More interested in quantity than quality of relationships •
• Want to have as much fun as possible
• Choose their partners by playing the field, and quickly recover
from break-ups • View marriage as a trap
• Most likely of the love styles to commit infidelity
• Often regard sex as a conquest or a sport, and they engage in
relationships because they see them as a challenge.
• In its most extreme form, ludic love can become sexual
addiction.
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Storge: Love as a Friendship

Develops gradually out of friendship, and the friendship can
endure beyond the breakup of the relationship.
Sometimes cannot pinpoint the moment that friendship turned
to love •
Storgic lovers want their significant others to also be their best
friends
A disadvantage can be a lack of passion
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Comparison
• PRIMARY SECONDARY

• 1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love

• 2. Pragma(Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
• 3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love
• 1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
• 2. Ludos – Love as a game
• 3. Storge – Love as friendshi
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Secondary Styles of Love

• 1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
• 2. Pragma(Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
• 3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love
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Mania: Obsessive Love

• Many have low self-esteem

Place much importance on their relationship
• Feel they "need" their partners
• See love is a means of rescue, or a reinforcement of value •
Often view marriage as ownership
• Sex is a reassurance of love
• Manic lovers are often anxious or insecure, and can be
extremely jealous
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Pragma: Realistic and Practical Love

• Think rationally and realistically about their expectations in a
partner, and select them via comparison.
• Want to find value in their partners, and ultimately want to
work with their partner to reach a common goal
• Carefully value the costs and rewards of a relationship
• Pragmatic lovers view sex as a reward or a means of
procreation, and view marriage and children as potential
liabilities and assets
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Agape: Selfless Love

• Self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love •
• Often spiritual or religious people •
• View their partners as blessings, and wish to take care of them
• Will remain faithful to their partners to avoid causing them
pain, and will often wait patiently for their partners after a
break-up
• Marriage and children are sacred trusts, and sex is a gift
between two people
• Risk suffering from inattention to their own needs
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Summary of Theory
• The are advantages and disadvantages to each type of
relationship • An individual can have several types of
relationships throughout his or her lifetime
• Those who grow from relationships tend to not repeat a
relationship type that was unsuccessful
• Those who do not learn from unsuccessful relationships tend
to repeat them
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Triangular Theory of Love

• Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed a triangular theory of
love that suggests that there are three components of love.
• Triangular Theory Survey
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Survey results

• Set 1: Intimacy 1-45 (low) 46-90 ( average) 91-135 (high)

• Set 2: Passion 1-39 (low) 40-78 (average) 79-117 (high)
• Set 3: Commitment 1-45 (low) 46-90 ( average) 91-135 (high)
 Theory Definitions Amity Institute of Psychology and Allied Sciences

• Intimacy feelings of closeness, connectedness, and

bondedness in loving relationships

• Passion: lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual

consummation, and related phenomena

• Commitment the decision that one loves someone else and

the commitment to maintain that love
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Theory
• Different combinations of these three components result in
different types of love • A relationship based on a single
element is less likely to survive than one based on two or more
• Different stages and types of love can be explained as
different combinations of these three elements. • For example,
the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as
an adult romantic relationship develops.
• These components may be combined to characterise
eight kinds of love.
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Liking (Intimacy)
• Liking in this case is not used in a trivial sense. Sternberg says
that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which
a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with
another but not intense passion or long-term commitment.
• Infatuation (Passion) • Infatuated love is often what is felt as "love
at first sight." • But without the intimacy and the commitment
components of love, infatuated love may disappear suddenly
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Empty Love (Commitment)

• Sometimes, a stronger love deteriorates into empty love, in
which the commitment remains, but the intimacy and passion
have died. • In cultures in which arranged marriages are
common, relationships often begin as empty love.

• Romantic Love (Passion + Intimacy) • Romantic lovers are

bonded emotionally (as in liking) and physically through
passionate arousal
 Companionate Love (Intimacy + Commitment)
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• • Often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out

of the relationship, but a deep affection and commitment
remain. • Is generally a personal relation you build with
somebody you share your life with, but with little to no sexual
or physical desire. • It is stronger than friendship because of
the extra element of commitment. • Love for family and close
friends
 Fatuous Love (Passion + Commitment) Amity Institute of Psychology and Allied Sciences

• • Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and

marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by
passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.
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Consummate Love (Passion +Intimacy+ Commitme

nt)

• Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing

the ideal relationship toward which many people strive but
which apparently few achieve. • Sternberg cautions that
maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than
achieving it. • He stresses the importance of translating the
components of love into action. "Without expression," he
warns, "even the greatest of loves can die“ • Consummate love
may not be permanent. • For example, if passion is lost over
time, it may change into companionate love
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Theory Suggestions
• • The balance among Sternberg’s three aspects of love is likely
to shift through the course of a relationship. • A strong dose of
all three components-found in consummate love-typifies, for
many of us, an ideal relationship. • However time alone does
not cause intimacy, passion, and commitment to occur and
grow. • Knowing about these components of love may help
couples avoid pitfalls in their relationship, work on the areas
that need improvement or help them recognize when it might
be time for a relationship to come to an end.
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Dating Today
• The 20 million Internet users visit dating sites once in a month.
• In the US, 31% of the population either uses online dating
service or at least knows the people who are using it.
• In the year 2008, 120,000 marriages that took place were
attributed to online dating services. • The number of people
who try to find their love online is increasing day-by-day.