Listening skills

Responsible, patient listening is a rare

thing, but it is a skill that can be developed
with practice.
Why do we listen?
 To gain information.
 To get feed back.
 To participate in another’s story.
 To hear of their experiences and insights.
 To be in control (information is power)
 To broaden our horizons (to learn)
 To create a relationship.
 To respect and value others.
Importance of Listening
 We spend up to 80% of our conscious hours
using four basic communication skills.
◦ Writing
◦ Reading
◦ Speaking and
◦ Listening
 Listening accounts for more than 50% of our

time !
 40% of our walking time is just listening!
Types of listening
 Casual or informal: You usually don't need to
remember details.
 Active, or formal: This type of listening takes

concentration and requires that the listener

absorb details.
 Nonverbal listening.
Listener’s responsibility
 Listeners need to prepare themselves.
 They must concentrate on both the verbal

and nonverbal message of the speaker.

Focus on Listening
 Listen to yourself!
◦ Before you can be an effective listener you have
to ensure you are ready to listen.
◦ Assess your mental, physical and emotional
states.

 Remember you are there to listen!

◦ Many times people in crisis need to talk through
their problems, not get advice on how to solve
their problems.
◦ If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just”
listen or give advice ASK them!
Focus on Their Concerns
 Focus on the person’s train of thought.
◦ Avoid thinking about your response or other
non-related things until the person is finished
speaking.

 Remove distractions.
◦ If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else
in the room) remove the distraction if possible so
you can focus.
◦ If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a
time when you can focus on their concerns.
Silence & Body Language
 Silence isn’t bad!
◦ Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation.
These gaps can be important for the individual to
gather their thoughts or express themselves
emotionally.

 Listen with your eyes!

◦ People communicate information through
behaviors in addition to what they say.
◦ Pay attention to body language to help
understand their feelings.
Empathy
 Refrain from being judgmental.
◦ Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person,
just that you have identified and understand how
they are feeling.

 Uncomfortable conversations.
◦ If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from
interfering with your ability to listen, let the
person know the topic is too sensitive for you.
Convey You Are Listening
 Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate.
 Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and

“I see” to communicate you are paying attention.

 Paraphrase what the person has said to you and

ask questions to fill in gaps.

◦ This will not only help you understand, but help the
person think through their concerns and express their
emotions more effectively.
◦ Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts as
well as their feelings.
Influencing factors
 Listeners are influenced by
◦ The speaker,
◦ The message,
◦ Other listeners,
◦ Physical conditions,
◦ And finally their emotional state at the time of the
listening activity.
 While the first three cannot be controlled by
the listener, the last two can.
Statistics
 55% of a person's message involves nonverbal
communication,
 38% of the message derives from the

speaker's voice inflection,

 7% of the message involves the actual words

spoken.
Importance of active listening
 Listening enables us to gain important
information.
 Listening enables us to be more effective in

interpreting a message.
 Listening enables us to gather data to make

sound decisions.
 Listening enables us to respond appropriately

to the messages we hear.

Active Listening Skills
 Reflecting
 Encouraging
 Summarizing
 Clarifying
 Restating
 Validating
Reflecting
 Purpose
◦ To show that you understand how the person feels.
 Action
◦ Reflects the speaker’s basic feelings.
 Example:
“You seem very upset.”
Encouraging
 Purpose
◦ To convey interest.
◦ To encourage the other person to keep talking.
 Action
◦ Don’t agree or disagree.
◦ Use neutral words.
◦ Use varying voice intonations.
 Example
◦ “Can you tell me more…?”
Summarizing
 Purpose
◦ To review progress.
◦ To pull together important ideas and facts.
◦ To establish a basis for further discussion.
 Action
◦ Restate major ideas expressed, including
feelings.
 Example
◦ “These seem to be the key ideas you’ve
expressed…”
Clarifying
 Purpose
◦ To help you clarify what is said.
◦ To get more information.
◦ To help the speaker see other points of view.
 Action
◦ Ask questions.
◦ Restate wrong interpretation to force the speaker
to explain further.
 Example
◦ “When did this happen?”
◦ “Do I have this right? You think he told you to
give him the pencil because he doesn’t like you?”
Restating
 Purpose
◦ To show you are listening and understanding
what is being said.
◦ To help the speaker see other points of view.
 Action
◦ Restate basic ideas and facts.
 Example
◦ “So you would like your friends to include you at
recess, is that right?”
Validating
 Purpose
◦ To acknowledge the worthiness of the other
person.
 Action
◦ Acknowledge the value of their issues and
feelings.
◦ Show appreciation for their efforts and actions.
 Example
◦ “I truly appreciate your willingness to resolve this
matter.”
Ineffective listening skills
 Thoughts are somewhere else, tuning out
the speaker.
 You think that you know what will be said

next.
 Distracted by sights or activity, not

listening.
 Thinking about what you are going to say

next.
 Not listening from the speaker’s

perspective.
Barriers to Active Listening
 Environmental barriers
 Physiological barriers
 Psychological barriers
 Selective Listening
 Negative Listening Attitudes
 Personal Reactions
 Poor Motivation
Types of poor listeners
 Anxious People :
◦ Because they lack confidence, they are nervous
chatterers. They worry about what they’re going to
say next, which leaves little room for listening
others.
 Argumentative people :
◦ They’d argue with Einstein about his theory of
relativity ! They nit-pick small details, which break
conversational flow.
 Opinionated people :
◦ They spend their energy formulating arguments, rather
than listening to others. They interrupt and begin
every other sentence with ‘but….’. These people may
be overly anxious to impress others, but they often
produce the opposite effect. People ‘tune them out.’

 Closed minded people :

◦ The most infuriating of bad listeners : they have rigid
sets of values and find security in their prejudices. Any
new ideas or changes leave them feeling threatened.
To become a better listener
 Look the part:
◦ Face the speaker and display feedback that the
message is being heard and understood. Lean
toward the speaker to show interest. Maintain eye
contact at least 80 percent of the time. Do not
distract the speaker with strange facial
expressions and fidgeting.
 Listen for nonverbal messages:
◦ Observe the speaker's body language, gestures,
and the physical distance. Observe the speaker's
facial expressions, eyes, mouths, and hands for
hidden messages.
 Be silent before replying:
◦ Be certain that the speaker is completely finished
speaking before you attempt to speak. Resist the
temptation to interrupt unnecessarily.
 Listen for the main points:
◦ Filter out the nonessential and look for the
principal message of the words.
 Ask questions:
◦ It is appropriate to question the speaker in order
to clarify meanings and reinforce messages
heard.
 Sense how the speaker is feeling:
◦ To receive the complete message, it is important to sift
out any feelings the speaker is trying to convey.
Determine what the speaker is not saying.
 Be available:
◦ To be spoken to, one must be available. Get out from
behind your desk and papers. Stop your work and
concentrate totally on the speaker.
 Take notes:
◦ Jotting down important ideas allows you to review the
message at a later time and reinforces the information
heard/learned.
Five purposes for note making
 Provides a written record for review
 Provides a definite, limited learning task
 Forces you to pay attention
 Requires organizing, and active effort on the part

of the listener
 Listener must condense and rephrase, which

aids understanding
Encourage others to listen by….
 Lower your voice volume. It forces others to
listen.
 Make your talk interesting. Focus on your

listener's favorite subject—him-or herself.

Encourage others to participate by bringing
them into the conversation.
 Create the right environment. Speak where

you can be easily heard and understood.

 Be human to your listeners. Address people

by name whenever possible; it helps to get

their attention.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
 Stop Talking.
 Put The Talker At Ease.
 Show Him That You Want To Listen.
 Remove Distractions.
 Empathize With Him.
 Be Patient.
 Hold Your Temper.
 Go Easy On Arguments And Criticism.
 Ask Questions.
 Stop Talking!