The Unspoken Rules PDF

Gorick Ng
 The Unspoken Rules
Mastering Workplace Success Through Unseen
Guidelines and Strategies.
Written by Bookey
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About the book
You've secured a new job—now what? Navigating the
complexities of your first role can feel daunting, especially
when unspoken rules of workplace culture remain hidden. In
"The Unspoken Rules," Gorick Ng, a Harvard career adviser
and first-generation college student, unlocks the essential
insights that managers expect but rarely teach. Drawing on
over five hundred interviews with professionals across various
industries, Ng reveals the common pitfalls and overlooked
strategies crucial for success. Packed with practical
frameworks, checklists, and actionable advice, this guide
equips you to effectively manage time, cultivate relationships
in a remote environment, and confidently seek assistance.
Discover how to stand out from your peers and pave the way
for a fulfilling career with the valuable insights from "The
Unspoken Rules."
About the author
Gorick Ng is a career adviser at Harvard University, where he
focuses on coaching first-generation and low-income students.
He is also a researcher with Harvard Business School's
Managing the Future of Work project. Ng's diverse
background includes roles in career services at the University
of Massachusetts Boston, management consulting at the
Boston Consulting Group (BCG), investment banking at
Credit Suisse, and education policy with the Toronto District
School Board. Recognized as one of Time magazine's top 25
future leaders, he has been featured in prominent publications
such as the Toronto Star, the Globe and Mail, and the New
York Post. Ng serves on the board of the Toronto Foundation
for Student Success and is a member of the World Economic
Forum Global Shapers Community. A first-generation college
graduate himself, he holds degrees from Harvard College and
Harvard Business School.
Summary Content List
Chapter 1 : The Three Cs: Competence, Commitment,

Compatibility

Chapter 2 : Think, “Let’s Give This a Shot!”

Chapter 3 : Show Up Like a High Performer

Chapter 4 : Be Proactive

Chapter 5 : Know How to Tell Your Story

Chapter 6 : Manage Your Appearance

Chapter 7 : Send the Right Signals

Chapter 8 : Take Ownership

Chapter 9 : Manage Your Workload

Chapter 10 : Read between the People

Chapter 11 : Spark Relationships

Chapter 12 : Master Meetings

Chapter 13 : Manage Feedback

Chapter 14 : Resolve Conflicts

Chapter 15 : Show Your Potential
 Chapter 1 Summary : The Three Cs:
Competence, Commitment,
Compatibility

Aspect Description Challenges

Overview of The Three Cs—competence, commitment, and

the Three Cs compatibility—are evaluated by managers, coworkers, and
clients to assess trust and opportunity.

Competence Performing the job effectively and independently, validated Challenging to measure; bias can affect
by performance and perceived effort. recognition; progress indicators may
overshadow actual skill.

Commitment Reflects presence and enthusiasm, vital for team objectives Perceptions can be distorted by lack of
without overwhelming others. engagement; visibility and enthusiasm need to
meet workplace expectations.

Compatibility Creating a comfortable environment and fostering Varies based on team dynamics and cultural
relationships without seeming false. backgrounds; bias and personal identities
influence perceptions.

Navigating Awareness of systemic biases and individual experiences;

Bias and embracing differences can be a strength.
Differences

Key Aim to affirm competence, demonstrate commitment, and The journey includes personal development
Takeaways cultivate compatibility to influence perceptions and open and supporting others.
doors to success.
The Three Cs

Overview of the Three Cs Framework

The Three Cs—competence, commitment, and

compatibility—are essential qualities that your managers,
coworkers, and clients evaluate when you enter a new role.
The goal is to reassure them with a "Yes!" to the following
questions: Can you do the job well? Are you excited to be
here? Do you get along with us? Demonstrating all three Cs
significantly enhances your chances of gaining trust,
unlocking opportunities, and reaching your career goals.

Competence

Competence entails performing your job effectively,

accurately, and independently, without causing issues for
others. It is validated either by observable performance or
perceived effort. True competence is often challenging to
measure, especially in roles that rely heavily on interpersonal
skills. Thus, while actual competence is vital, how it's
perceived can significantly impact career advancement.
The Challenge of Competence

Measuring competence isn’t straightforward, and bias can

impact how the competent are recognized in the workplace.
Sometimes, progress indicators or self-promotion take
precedence over actual skill.

Commitment

Commitment reflects your presence and enthusiasm in

helping your team achieve its objectives without
overwhelming others. It’s vital to be perceived as dedicated.
Small behaviors can create a perception of a lack of
commitment.

The Challenge of Commitment

The perceptions of commitment can be distorted through

actions such as lack of engagement or responsiveness. It's
critical to maintain a level of visibility and enthusiasm that
aligns with the expectations of your workplace.

Compatibility
Compatibility involves creating a comfortable environment,
fostering relationships, and being relatable to your colleagues
without seeming false. Striking the right balance is crucial;
being overly passive or trying too hard can both hinder the
impression of compatibility.

The Challenge of Compatibility

Compatibility can vary significantly based on team dynamics

and cultural backgrounds. Bias and personal identities
influence how relationships form and how individuals are
perceived.

Navigating Bias and Differences

The workplace can present varied starting points in terms of

competency, commitment, and compatibility due to systemic
biases and individual experiences. Awareness of these
challenges can help navigate your unique journey.
Embracing your differences can become your greatest
strength.

Key Takeaways
Your aim is to affirm your competence, demonstrate your
commitment, and cultivate compatibility. Being proactive in
showcasing these qualities will influence how others perceive
you and can open doors to success. The journey is not only
about personal development but also about lifting others
along the way.
Example
Key Point:Demonstrating the Three Cs impacts your
workplace relationships and career progression
immensely.
Example:When starting a new job, imagine you
consistently ask insightful questions during meetings,
showcasing your competence, which naturally leads to
improved outcomes for your team. You also make a
point to share your excitement for upcoming projects,
discussing your dedication and commitment to your
colleagues’ success. By participating in team-building
activities, fostering good relationships, and making
small talk, you align yourself closely with your
coworkers, enhancing your compatibility. By
demonstrating these three essential
qualities—competence, commitment, and
compatibility—you create an impactful presence that
earns you trust and opens doors to greater opportunities.
Critical Thinking
Key Point:The Three Cs Framework emphasizes
subjective perceptions of workplace attributes.
Critical Interpretation:While competence, commitment,
and compatibility are presented as essential to career
success, one must acknowledge that the author's
classification of these traits can overlook the complexity
of workplace dynamics. For instance, an individual's
competence may be overlooked due to biases related to
race or gender, as discussed in 'The Diversity Delusion'
by Heather Mac Donald, which addresses systemic
biases in workplace evaluations. Therefore, it is crucial
for readers to critically assess whether adhering strictly
to this framework genuinely enhances individual career
prospects, as subjective perceptions can significantly
alter interpretations of these traits.
Chapter 2 Summary : Think, “Let’s Give
This a Shot!”

Think, "Let’s Give This a Shot!"

The chapter emphasizes the importance of mindset in seizing

opportunities in a new job. Opportunities arise frequently,
but they hold value only if acted upon. The key attitude to
adopt is one of curiosity and openness: "Let’s give this a
shot."

Know This

- Opportunities are constantly available.

- Career success is tied to recognizing and acting on these
opportunities.

Annie's Story

Annie, a recent college graduate, initially felt disconnected in

her job after being placed in her third-choice team.
Encouraged by her buddy, she reached out to the senior vice
president (SVP) of her desired team. Despite a lack of
immediate response, she persisted and eventually connected
with the SVP, who later invited her to contribute to a new
initiative. Through proactive engagement, Annie not only
secured a desired rotation but also expanded her professional
network.

Lessons Learned

1.
Starting Position Doesn't Determine Outcome
: Annie moved forward despite initial setbacks.
2.
Create Your Own Opportunities
: Self-advocacy is crucial; waiting is not an option.
3.
Fear of Rejection is Common
: The worst outcome—being told "no"—is often less
consequential than anticipated.

Practical Advice

- Don't let lack of experience stop you from volunteering.

- Approach situations with a mindset open to learning,
helping, and growing.
- Understand the fine line between being assertive and
entitled; genuine requests often yield positive results.

Closing Thoughts

Embracing a mindset of curiosity can lead to valuable

experiences. Reflect on past opportunities taken and apply
the same adventurous spirit in your career. The mantra of
"Let’s give this a shot" can shape your professional path
positively.

Try This

- Acknowledge that your starting point doesn't dictate your

future.
- To achieve more, be prepared to put in extra effort.
- Remember that fearing rejection often holds you back
unnecessarily.
 Chapter 3 Summary : Show Up Like a
High Performer

Section Summary

Introduction The importance of making a strong first impression at a new job is illustrated through the experiences of
two new hires, Sana and George.

Building Sana connected with future colleagues prior to her start date through calls, fostering relationships and
Relationships gaining insights about the company.
Before Day One

The Importance of Making a positive impression starts before day one; knowledge about the organization enhances
Preparation credibility. Tips include website reviews, news articles, key personnel familiarization, and observing
dress codes.

Asking Smart Engaging effectively through asking insightful questions, recognizing the difference between good and
Questions poor questions, and providing context when inquiring.

Strategies for First Focus on important tasks, be proactive in networking, and develop thorough preparation habits to adapt
Impressions confidently to new environments.

Key Takeaway Adopting preparation strategies fosters confidence and commitment, building a foundation for success
and strong professional relationships.

Show Up Like a High Performer

In Chapter 3 of "The Unspoken Rules" by Gorick Ng, the

author illustrates the importance of making a strong first
impression at a new job, using the contrasting experiences of
two new hires, Sana and George.

Building Relationships Before Day One

Sana, an operations manager at a startup, leveraged her

pre-employment phase to connect with future colleagues
through calls, transforming initial emails into valuable
relationships. She prepared questions and built allies before
her first day, allowing her to feel well-informed and
integrated into the company from the start.

The Importance of Preparation

The chapter emphasizes that making a positive impression

begins before the first day. Being knowledgeable about the
organization’s operations, recent news, and key personnel
establishes credibility. The text includes practical tips for
gathering background information on the company,
including:
Install Bookey
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the organization’s Unlockand Full Text and
Wikipedia page.
Audio
- Exploring recent news articles.
- Familiarizing oneself with key team members.
Chapter 4 Summary : Be Proactive

Be Proactive

Starting a new job or project can feel intimidating, akin to the

first day of school or stepping into a foreign environment.
The central takeaway is that no one cares more about your
success than you do, and taking ownership of your role is
crucial.

Learn Your Job

Different first-day experiences are common. Some may have

a structured welcome, while others might feel lost.
Regardless, aim to answer twelve essential questions about
your role. If you're not guided, seek out the information
yourself and show your commitment.

Key Questions to Consider:

-
Have I submitted my paperwork?
Ensure all administrative requirements like HR paperwork
are completed.

-
Have I met my supervisor(s)?
Identify and establish communication with your managers
early on.
-
Have I clarified my reporting lines?
Understand how to allocate time between multiple
supervisors.
-
Have I clarified expectations for my role?
Know your priorities, metrics for success, and collaboration
preferences.
-
Have I found a regular interaction schedule with my
manager?
Set up regular check-ins to maintain communication.
-
Have I introduced myself to my coworkers?
Take initiative to connect with colleagues, whether in-person
or remotely.
-
Have I learned my team’s priorities?
 Understanding team goals will enable you to contribute
effectively.
-
Have I defined my day-to-day work schedule?
Align with coworkers on typical working hours.
-
Have I set up my workspace, tools, and access?
Ensure you have all the necessary equipment and software
configured.
-
Have I gotten access to the necessary files and
calendar invitations?
Request access to relevant documents and meetings.
-
Have I navigated my work environment?
Familiarize yourself with the physical or digital workplace
layout.
-
Have I sorted out my daily routine?
Consider logistical aspects that will impact your
productivity.
In a chaotic onboarding situation, it’s your responsibility to
seek information and demonstrate commitment.
Find Your Job

Once you’ve answered the above questions, it’s time to

integrate yourself into the team. Be mindful that your
teammates may not have a structured plan for your role,
especially in remote settings.

Strategies to Get Started:

-
Observe others and take notes.
Watch your colleagues and learn from their approaches.
-
Ask questions and learn from the answers.
Document your inquiries to enhance understanding.
-
Embrace and volunteer for work.
Seek out opportunities to contribute and express your
willingness to help.
Being proactive is essential in the workplace. If others aren’t
available to help, take the initiative to introduce yourself, ask
questions, and find work. Showing commitment can lead to
success, even in a demanding environment.
Example
Key Point:Be proactive in your new job to ensure
your successful integration into the team.
Example:Imagine walking into your new office on your
first day, feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety.
Instead of waiting for someone to guide you, you take
charge by introducing yourself to coworkers, seeking
out your manager for clarity on expectations, and
actively exploring the workspace. You make it a point to
learn about your team's priorities and ask questions
when you need help. This initiative not only
demonstrates your commitment but also helps you build
relationships and understand your role better, enhancing
your chances of success.
Chapter 5 Summary : Know How to Tell
Your Story

Know How to Tell Your Story

On her first day as a co-op student, Meghan faced an

unexpected question from her manager about what she
wanted to do. Not prepared, she responded with vague
flexibility, ultimately leading to a lackluster experience. This
example illustrates the importance of being clear about your
goals and how to effectively communicate them to others in
the workplace.

Internal Narrative versus External Narrative

-
Internal Narrative
: The personal motivation and reasons behind your actions
that you tell yourself (e.g., wanting to pay off loans).
-
External Narrative
: The story you present to others to demonstrate competence,
commitment, and compatibility. It should connect your
experiences to the role (e.g., a personal connection to the
organization's mission).
Sharing too much of your internal narrative risks being seen
as selfish or uncommitted, while focusing on your external
narrative helps align your objectives with team goals.

Common Questions in New Roles

Anticipating common questions in a new role allows you to

prepare tailored responses that highlight your competencies.
A set of guiding questions is provided, along with
suggestions for framing your responses positively.

Steps for Telling Your Story

1.
Build Your Internal Narrative
: Reflect on your goals and document your aspirations to
prepare yourself for discussions.
2.
Build Your External Narrative
: Convert your internal reflections into talking points that
showcase your strengths relevant to the new role.
3.
Add Structure
: Use the past-present-future framework to create a coherent
story about your career journey.
4.
Finesse Your Style
: Be mindful of how you present your narrative. Avoid
coming off as clueless, arrogant, apathetic, or overly eager.
5.
Practice
: Regularly rehearse your story to enhance your confidence
and presentation style.

Key Presentation Styles

-
Confident but Not Arrogant
: Maintain a balance between self-assuredness and humility.
-
Proper but Not Robotic
: Adapt your language to fit the workplace culture and avoid
sounding mechanical.
-
Upbeat but Not Immature
: Convey energy and positivity without coming across as
childish.

Final Tips

Beyond answering questions, mastering the art of storytelling

in professional interactions will aid you throughout your
career. Develop your narratives now for better outcomes both
in your current role and future opportunities. Regularly revise
your internal and external narratives to ensure they align with
your evolving career aspirations.
Critical Thinking
Key Point:Mastering narrative formulation is crucial
for workplace communication.
Critical Interpretation:The chapter underscores the
significance of articulating both internal and external
narratives when entering a new role. While Ng presents
compelling strategies for storytelling, readers should
critically assess whether such a strict divide between
internal and external narratives is universally applicable.
Individual workplaces and cultures may value
authenticity over polished narratives, as supported by
works like "Dare to Lead" by Brené Brown, which
emphasizes vulnerability in leadership. Thus, the
suggested focus on external presentation could detract
from genuine self-expression, challenging the notion
that a well-crafted story is the sole pathway to success.
Chapter 6 Summary : Manage Your
Appearance

Manage Your Appearance

Introduction

The importance of physical appearance in a professional

setting, especially in traditionally formal environments like
Wall Street, is emphasized. Hidden expectations related to
appearance can significantly impact how one is perceived in
the workplace.

Know This

Being professional involves finding a balance between what

is considered appropriate in the workplace and what feels
authentic to the individual.

How to Figure Out What’s Appropriate

1.
Recognize Patterns
: Observe how coworkers dress and present themselves
during interviews and through online company profiles.
2.
Mirror Others
: Align your appearance with the common choices of those at
your level while prioritizing fit, tidiness, and overall
professionalism.
3.
Seek Guidance
: When uncertain, ask peers or mentors for advice regarding
appropriateness in attire.
4.
Consider Perspective
: Evaluate if your appearance would be included in a
professional catalog for your role.

Unspoken Expectations

Different industries have specific appearance expectations,

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vital, especially in white-collar jobs where norms may not be
explicitly stated.
Chapter 7 Summary : Send the Right
Signals

Send the Right Signals

Neel, a management consultant, struggled during a crucial

client presentation due to technical issues that arose last
minute. Despite his positive intent to deliver an impressive
analysis, his late arrival, visible frustration, and
unprofessional behavior led to negative perceptions about his
competence, commitment, and compatibility. Understanding
the distinction between intent (what you mean) and impact
(how you come across) is essential to manage perceptions
effectively, especially in remote work settings.

Know This

- Your actions influence how others perceive your

professional abilities.
- Misunderstandings often occur between intent and impact.
- Show appropriate levels of urgency and professionalism to
enhance your credibility.
Emails and Instant Messages

Emails serve as a reflection of your professional persona;

understanding your workplace's communication culture
(email-first vs. IM-first) is key. Tailor your tone and
formality to suit your audience, and ensure your messages
are clear, professional, and free of errors.

Five Questions Before Sending Emails or IMs:

1. Is my email free of typos and formatting inconsistencies?

2. Am I fully caught up on what’s going on?
3. Am I sending this email at the appropriate time?
4. Does the tone align with my intent?
5. Would I mind if this were forwarded to the entire team?

Phone Calls

Effective phone communication resembles a dance; it

requires attentiveness and courtesy. Manage background
noise, punctuality, politeness, smooth interaction, and
balanced speaking.
Video Calls

In video calls, consider audio and visual signals. Be aware of

your background, attire, actions, and what you share
on-screen. Prepare beforehand to avoid looking
unprofessional or distracted.

Voice Mails

Leave clear and concise messages, maintaining an air of

professionalism, with scripts as guidance.

Online Activity

Be conscious of your online presence, including social media

and workplace platforms, as this affects how colleagues
perceive your professionalism.

In-Person Behavior

Every action contributes to your professional image. Factors

such as punctuality, organization, etiquette, and
confidentiality are vital in shaping perceptions.
Cultural Sensitivity

Recognize differences in urgency and seriousness across

cultures. Adjust your behavior accordingly to meet the
expectations of monochronic or polychronic colleagues.

Try This

- Assess the signals you send in all forms of communication.

- Be aware of how your urgency and seriousness match your
audience's expectations.
- Regularly reflect on the impressions you create in your
interactions.
Critical Thinking
Key Point:Distinction between intent and impact
Critical Interpretation:The chapter emphasizes the
critical distinction between one's intent and the resultant
impact of their actions, a lesson that resonates
significantly in professional environments. Neel's
experience illustrates how even well-meaning efforts
can backfire if misaligned with perceptions, prompting a
need for self-awareness and adaptability in
communication styles. This notion may merit
skepticism; many could argue that individual actions
should be evaluated on merit alone, irrespective of
context or misinterpretation, as noted by Goffman in
"The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life," where he
discusses the role of context and performance in social
interactions.
Chapter 8 Summary : Take Ownership

Take Ownership

Assignments in the workplace differ significantly from those

in school. While school tasks come with clear guidelines,
workplace assignments often involve ambiguous instructions
and unwritten deadlines. To navigate this complexity,
professionals must be proactive and deliberate.

Understand Your Assignments

Upon receiving a task, clarify any uncertainties immediately

to avoid mistakes. Effective communication with your
manager can prevent confusion and misunderstandings about
expectations, methods, and deadlines.

See the Big Picture

Understanding the broader goal behind a task is essential.

Ask questions about the task’s purpose to avoid missing
critical details required for success.
Understand What, How, and By When

Clarify three fundamental aspects of assignments: what needs

to be done, how it should be approached, and the deadline for
completion. This minimizes the risk of miscommunication
and enhances accountability.

Understand RACI

Each project typically follows the RACI model, defining

roles: Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, and Informed.
Clarifying these roles ensures everyone knows their
responsibilities and helps manage expectations for the
project’s success.

Think Multiple Steps Ahead

Envision each step of your assignment from start to finish,

accounting for necessary resources and potential conflicts to
avoid setbacks.

Work Backward from the Deadline

Recognize that tasks often have final and unspoken interim

deadlines. Establish checkpoints to ensure progress remains
aligned with expectations.

Repeat It Back

To ensure understanding, paraphrase instructions to your

manager, giving them an opportunity to correct any
misinterpretations.

Squash Any Problems

Adopt a proactive approach to address questions and issues.

Research solutions before escalating queries to others and
frame questions to demonstrate initiative.

If You Aren't Sure What to Do Next...

Reflect on how to proceed independently. Generate possible

solutions instead of seeking immediate guidance. This
approach showcases your ability to handle ambiguity
effectively.

If Others Help You...

Show appreciation for assistance. Recognizing others'
contributions fosters a collaborative atmosphere and builds
relationships.

Stay One Step Ahead of Your Boss

Completing a task is just one step; presenting it effectively to

elevate your professional image is critical.

Have I Followed All Directions?

Ensure all directions are adhered to and clearly communicate

any deviations from the original plan to demonstrate
accountability.

Have I Focused on the Details that Matter?

Tailor your attention to detail based on the context of the

task, ensuring the most scrutinized aspects are polished.

Do I Have a Clear Call to Action?

Be explicit about the feedback you need to avoid

miscommunication in responses. Define the specific focus
areas for others’ review.

Have I Presented My Work in an Easy-to-Review

Format?

Share your work in accessible formats for easier feedback,

promoting efficient communication with your manager.

Have I Prepared Answers to Potential Questions?

Anticipate inquiries your manager might raise and prepare

thorough responses to demonstrate your readiness and
competence.

Have I Shared What I Plan to Do Next?

Clarifying your next steps enhances teamwork and reinforces

your commitment to your role. Signal your readiness to take
on additional responsibilities when appropriate.

Try This

1. Clarify your tasks, methods, and deadlines before starting.

2. Bundle questions and escalate them thoughtfully while
demonstrating what you know.
3. Simplify others' workloads when seeking help.
4. Be proactive in identifying and resolving problems.
5. Review your work for adherence to guidelines and prepare
for feedback comprehensively.
Chapter 9 Summary : Manage Your
Workload

Manage Your Workload

Managing a heavy workload can be daunting, especially for

newcomers to the workforce. Prioritizing tasks based on
urgency and importance is crucial for maintaining
competence and satisfying stakeholders.

How to Define What’s Urgent

Urgency is determined by four factors:

1.
Proximity
: The nearer a deadline or the longer someone waits for you,
the more urgent the task.
2.
Scrutiny
: Tasks involving higher-ups or influential people should be
prioritized due to their leverage over your role.
3.
Anxiety
: Mirroring colleagues' urgency can enhance responsiveness.
4.
Time Sensitivity
: Tasks that become harder or more limiting over time should
be prioritized.

How to Define What’s Important

Importance is determined by:

1.
Centrality
: Core tasks essential to your role are most important.
2.
Scrutiny
: Tasks that affect others, especially those with leverage over
you, hold higher importance.
3.
Criticality
: Projects getting attention from upper management are likely
critical.
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How to Prioritize What’sAudio
Urgent and Important
Chapter 10 Summary : Read between the
People

Read between the People

This chapter discusses the importance of understanding the

hidden dynamics within a workplace to enhance
collaboration and avoid conflicts. The story of Alison and her
interaction with Sue emphasizes the significance of
recognizing invisible boundaries and relationships within a
team.

Know This

The effectiveness within a team often stems from

understanding who holds influence, beyond just the formal
hierarchy.

Identify the Chain of Command

Learning the chain of command through organizational

charts is crucial. The distinction between primary and
secondary managers can affect performance evaluations and
inter-team interactions.

Pay Attention to How People Speak

Observe language cues that indicate hierarchical relationships

and collaborative dynamics among team members.

Pay Attention to How People Behave

Behaviors shift with hierarchy—watch how individuals act

around their superiors for clues on workplace relationships.

Identify the Influencers

Recognizing informal influencers can be powerful.

Influencers can be gatekeepers, veterans, experts, socialites,
or advisers. Understanding these roles can aid in navigating
workplace politics effectively.

Identify the Swimlanes

Understanding individual responsibilities or “swimlanes”

helps prevent overstepping boundaries. Workplace cultures
vary between those favoring permission-seeking and those
encouraging initiative.

Identify the Loyalties

Workplace loyalties can be complex and may differ from

friendships. Recognizing these dynamics helps in
understanding the group’s politics.

Identify the Comfort Zones

Identify appropriate and inappropriate workplace behaviors,

language, and conversation topics. Adjusting to these norms
can enhance social integration and reduce friction.

Try This

- Identify the chain of command.

- Build relationships with informal influencers.
- Clarify individual responsibilities before taking initiative.
- Observe loyalties and group dynamics.
- Learn and adapt to comfort zones in communication.
Understanding these aspects early on can significantly
improve your ability to navigate the workplace, leading to
enhanced impact and effectiveness.
Chapter 11 Summary : Spark
Relationships

Spark Relationships

Building relationships in the workplace is essential for career

advancement and personal fulfillment. The people who
succeed are often those who are known and appreciated by
others rather than just the most competent workers. This
chapter emphasizes the importance of sparking connections,
actively engaging with colleagues, and maintaining those
relationships.

Know This
Initiating interactions can be uncomfortable initially, but it
gets easier with practice. The goal is to find ways to initiate
conversations and keep the connection alive.

Spark the Connection

Finding small ways to connect with coworkers is key. Simple

greetings, smiles, or casual questions can serve as "bids" for
connection.

How to Make the First Move

-
For People You Know
: Use pre-meeting moments or casual interactions in
elevators or lunch lines to start a conversation.
-
For People You Don’t Know
: Seek introductions through mutual contacts, crafting a clear
and respectful request.
-
Cold Emails
: Reach out to strangers with personalized, thoughtful
messages.
How to Be Present and Seen

- On-site: Stay close to your team and engage actively.

- Remote: Make your virtual presence felt by being visible in
meetings and using video calls.
- Seek opportunities to work with different teams to expand
your network.

Play the Game

Maintain conversations through engagement strategies:

- Contribute details and highlight commonalities.
- Embrace the flow of conversation and ask relevant
questions.
- Remember specifics about others and mirror their
conversational style.

Sustain the Momentum

Relationships develop through consistent interactions. Some

effective tactics include:
- Acknowledge others when you see them.
- Ask follow-up questions about previous topics.
- Share relevant articles or news related to past conversations.
- Offer introductions, show gratitude, and suggest casual
catch-ups.

Try This

Engage positively with bids for connection, deepen

conversations, and maintain relationships to foster a
supportive network that facilitates career growth and
satisfaction. It's about building a community that can lead to
unexpected opportunities.
Example
Key Point:Establishing connections with coworkers
fosters a supportive network for career growth and
personal satisfaction.
Example:Imagine walking into the office and making it
a habit to greet your colleagues with a smile and a
friendly ‘How was your weekend?’ These small actions
will gradually spark relationships that make your
workplace feel more like a community. When you take
the initiative to chat with someone you typically
wouldn’t engage with, like the person in your
department you only see during meetings, you may
discover common interests that lead to a much deeper
connection. Ask them about their projects, share your
own experiences, and set up a lunch to continue the
conversation. Over time, as these interactions build,
you’ll find that not only do you feel more connected to
your coworkers, but you also create a support network
that can offer new opportunities and insights into your
career trajectory.
Critical Thinking
Key Point:The emphasis on workplace relationships
as a cornerstone of success may overlook the value of
individual competence.
Critical Interpretation:While Gorick Ng argues that
personal connections significantly contribute to career
advancement, this perspective might undervalue the role
of hard skills and actual performance in professional
settings. Not every successful individual relies on
networking alone; many excel due to their expertise and
ability to deliver results independently. It’s essential to
question whether the social dynamics implied truly
support meritocracy, or if they instead promote
favoritism and superficial engagements. A study by
Pfeffer (2010) titled 'Power: Why Some People Have It
and Others Don't' suggests that while relationships are
important, power dynamics rooted in competence often
dictate workplace outcomes. Therefore, it's crucial to
recognize that Ng's viewpoint promotes an essential
strategy but does not encapsulate the broader spectrum
of professional success.
 Chapter 12 Summary : Master Meetings
Section Key Points

Overview of Peter's Peter didn't engage well during a meeting, leading to negative perceptions of his contributions.
Experience

Know This Meetings showcase Competence, Commitment, and Compatibility (Three Cs). Know when to
speak and when to listen.

Before the Meeting

Understand meeting purpose and participants.

Clarify your expected role (actively participate, listen, or take notes).
Prepare for potential questions and formulate one comment and one question.

During the Meeting

Identify the right moments to contribute.

Speak clearly and confidently, using connecting phrases.
If struggling to be heard, use chat or seek colleague support.

After the Meeting

Follow up on actions, clarify tasks, and build connections.

What to Do When You Are Define objectives, select participants, establish agendas, and facilitate discussions effectively.
in Charge

Conclusion Be proactive, engage thoughtfully, and aim for professional growth in meetings.

Master Meetings

Overview of Peter's Experience

Peter, an analyst at a VC firm, diligently prepared a research

memo for a meeting with a technology startup's CEO.
However, during the meeting, he failed to engage, leading to
a negative perception of his contributions.

Know This

Meetings are essential for showcasing your Competence,

Commitment, and Compatibility (Three Cs). Understanding
when to express yourself and when to listen is crucial for
effective participation.

Before the Meeting

What will this meeting be about, and who will be in

the room?

It's vital to understand the meeting's purpose and participants.

Being prepared allows you to contribute effectively.

What’s my role in this meeting?

Install Bookey App to Unlock Full Text and
Identify if you are expectedAudio
to be seen and heard, seen but
not heard, or neither.
Chapter 13 Summary : Manage
Feedback

Manage Feedback

In the workplace, feedback from managers is crucial for

career advancement, yet it is often unclear or infrequent.
Understanding how to decode feedback—both verbal and
nonverbal—is key to managing your performance and career
progression effectively.

How to Decode Your Manager

Feedback at work often comes through subtle hints rather

than formal evaluations. Understanding a manager's feedback
style involves recognizing cultural contexts, as feedback may
vary from direct (such as in Germany) to indirect (like in
Japan). Misinterpretations can occur without awareness of
cultural communication styles.

Feedback Types
1.
Subtle Hints (Indirect and Verbal)
: May sound like polite inquiries or suggestions but can
signal dissatisfaction. To clarify intent, ask specific questions
or treat gentle suggestions as stronger recommendations.
2.
Uncensored Comments (Direct and Verbal)
: These comments are straightforward, but can be harsh.
Different cultures handle directness differently; learning to
focus on the substance of feedback rather than the tone is
crucial.
3.
Behavior Changes (Indirect and Nonverbal)
: A manager might show dissatisfaction through altered
behavior, such as increased micromanagement or avoidance.
Identify patterns and consider discussing changes directly.
4.
Blunt Actions (Direct and Nonverbal)
: Immediate and direct actions can indicate discontent.
Reflect on the implications and evaluate how to respond
constructively.

Why Is Feedback So Difficult?

Feedback is inherently challenging due to our emotional
responses to criticism. Managers may struggle to deliver
honest feedback as much as employees find it hard to receive
it. Empathizing with your manager can improve
communication.

How to Ask for Feedback

Proactively seeking feedback is essential. Initiate regular

check-ins with your manager, set an agenda for improvement
discussions, and prepare open-ended questions to guide the
conversation.

Before the Meeting

Assess your current performance and be ready to discuss

your strengths and areas needing improvement. Preparing
specific examples can help frame the conversation positively.

During the Meeting

Start with small talk and express gratitude for your

manager’s time. Encourage open dialogue about feedback,
using targeted questions to guide the discussion.
Acknowledge and address any critical feedback with
clarifying questions.

After the Meeting

Implement the feedback received promptly to demonstrate

engagement and willingness to improve. If certain
suggestions are unclear or impractical, follow up with your
manager for additional guidance.

Try This

1. Regularly seek feedback from your manager.

2. Be attentive to subtle indications of feedback during
discussions.
3. Explore the meaning behind your manager's behavior
changes or comments.
4. Recognize that feedback aligns with your manager's
perspectives rather than strictly defined right or wrong
standards.
Chapter 14 Summary : Resolve Conflicts

Resolve Conflicts

Conflicts at work can lead to feelings of anxiety, frustration,

or exhaustion. When you're faced with a challenging
situation, you have three options: fix it, live with it, or leave.
Choosing the right response is crucial and can determine
whether the problem gets addressed.
### Kathryn's Experience
Kathryn faced a drastic management change after her
manager left. Her new director's style was unhelpful,
resulting in decreased motivation and a sense of stagnation.
After a disappointing series of job changes, Kathryn returned
to her original firm, highlighting the importance of
thoroughly evaluating job changes before making a decision.
### Know This
When at work, if things don’t go your way, recognize that
you can either live with the situation, attempt to fix it, or opt
to leave. The first step in resolving conflict is to diagnose the
problem properly.
### Step 1: Diagnose the Problem
Identify the root cause of your dissatisfaction, which may fall
into three categories:
1.
People Problems
: Issues with colleagues or managers.
2.
Position Problems
: Dissatisfaction with your role or career progression.
3.
Place Problems
: Concerns about the organization or workplace culture.
#### Finding the Root Cause
Ask multiple "why" questions to dig into the real issue.
Document your daily experiences to help identify patterns
and underlying problems.
### Step 2: Evaluate Your Options
Once the root cause is clear, evaluate whether the problem is
temporary or widespread. Consider the implications of
staying, leaving, or fixing the issue by asking:
- Has the situation crossed a line (e.g., affecting safety or
mental health)?
- How localized is the problem?
- Is it temporary, and can you wait it out?
### Step 3: Fix the Problem Tactfully
If you choose to address the issue:
- Don't go it alone; seek advice from trusted coworkers.
- Approach the conversation positively, showing appreciation
and seeking to understand rather than blame.
- Propose adjustments rather than demanding changes,
allowing for collaboration.
### Step 4: Leave Graciously
If all else fails and leaving seems the best option:
1. Job hunt discreetly to avoid unnecessary disruption.
2. Make your departure announcement thoughtfully and with
as much notice as possible.
3. Wind down current projects to facilitate a smooth
transition.
4. Say goodbye meaningfully to maintain professional
relationships.
5. Stay in touch with former colleagues to expand your
network.

Try This

- Accept that no job will be perfect — each has limitations.

- Identify the root cause of workplace issues.
- Weigh your options based on their pros and cons.
- Seek allies and approach issues delicately.
- Leave gracefully if necessary, ensuring a positive last
impression.
Chapter 15 Summary : Show Your
Potential

Show Your Potential

At this stage of your career, understanding how to

demonstrate your competence, commitment, and
compatibility is crucial. Unlike school, where progression is
linear, work demands proactive navigation through a
complex environment. Whether you’re in an internship,
full-time role, or a temporary position, you have options on
your career path.

Performance vs. Potential

To get promoted, you must show both high performance in

your current role and high potential for the next. People are
evaluated on their effectiveness and their expected
effectiveness in future positions.

Understanding Promotions
Promotions generally occur based on performance and
potential and are influenced by organizational structures. In
some companies, a formal “nine-box matrix” framework
helps assess employees, while in others, it may rely heavily
on managerial perception and compatibility.

Positioning for Promotions

To increase your chances of a promotion, identify and

capitalize on unoccupied swimlanes—areas where you can
contribute uniquely. Ask yourself the following five
questions:
1.
What can I do that hasn’t been done?
Innovate by suggesting new methods that align with team
goals.

2.
What can I fix that hasn’t been fixed?
Address significant problems that affect team performance.
3.
Install
What can I Bookey App
bridge that to Unlock
hasn’t Full Text and
been bridged?
Audio
Act as a translator or facilitator between departments or
individuals.
Best Quotes from The Unspoken Rules
by Gorick Ng with Page Numbers
View on Bookey Website and Generate Beautiful Quote Images

Chapter 1 | Quotes From Pages 17-25

[Link] you do the job well?” (Are you competent?)
[Link] you excited to be here?” (Are you committed?)
[Link] you get along with us?” (Are you compatible?)
[Link] job is to convince your managers, coworkers, and
clients to answer “Yes!” to all three questions.
[Link] need all three. Otherwise, people won’t trust you with
important assignments.
[Link] competence can be difficult to measure.
[Link] uniqueness is not a liability. It is an asset.
[Link] individuals not only found their superpowers; they
used their superpowers to lift others up.
[Link] workplace is not a level playing field.
[Link] the end of this book, you will have not only the
vocabulary to diagnose what’s happening around you but
also the tools to become the professional that you have the
 potential to be.
Chapter 2 | Quotes From Pages 26-32
[Link] secret ingredient? The mindset of ‘Let’s give
this a shot.’
[Link] can’t wait around for others to decide your future. You
need to create opportunities for yourself.
[Link] the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
[Link] you start off does not have to determine where you
end up.
[Link] you do the bare minimum, you will get the bare
minimum.
[Link] worst thing that could happen is probably not that bad.
[Link] you aren’t sure you can have it, ask for it.
Chapter 3 | Quotes From Pages 33-40
[Link] is possible to make a positive first impression
even before your first day.
[Link] have a question—and make sure it’s a good one.
[Link] should always have a question. But it’s not just about
asking questions. It’s about asking good questions.
[Link] the list of instructions in this chapter makes you feel
nervous or overwhelmed, keep in mind that the goal isn’t
just to follow some instructions. It’s to build a set of
habits—habits that may take time to form but that can
serve you well for your entire career.
[Link] more you ask good questions early, the more leeway
you get to ask bad questions later.
Chapter 4 | Quotes From Pages 41-49
[Link] one will care more about your success than
you—and no one will know more about what you
need than you.
[Link] can’t just sit around and wait for opportunities to come
to you. You need to think like an owner.
[Link] success is in everyone’s interest—and you can
succeed only if you are set up for success.
[Link] is about keeping up; work is about stepping up.
[Link] no one steps up to help you, step up and help yourself.
Chapter 5 | Quotes From Pages 50-63
[Link] clearer you are on what you want from your
new role, the better your chances of designing a
fulfilling experience for yourself.
[Link] internal narrative translates into nothing more than
“me,” “me,” “me.” Your external narrative, on the other
hand, translates into “This is what I want … and this is how
I am competent in and committed to this work.
[Link]’s like going shopping: you are more likely to walk out
 with what you want if you bring a list.
4.I think of my brainstorming as a 'refrigerator' of different
talking points. Any time someone asks me a question, all I
have to do is open my mental fridge and pull out the
'ingredient' (talking point) that best fits the situation.
[Link] you aren’t careful, it can be easy to look threatening.
Chapter 6 | Quotes From Pages 64-71
[Link] professional is all about finding the
intersection of what’s appropriate to your
workplace and what feels authentic to you.
[Link] are no right or wrong answers here—only personal
values.
[Link] early career is a chance to learn about yourself, what
you care about, and what you don’t care about.
[Link] up to your own expectations—not to the expectations
others have of you.
Chapter 7 | Quotes From Pages 72-84
[Link] you do and don’t do can impact others’
perceptions of your competence, commitment, and
compatibility.
[Link] misunderstandings is all about understanding
your intent and controlling your impact.
[Link] is what you mean. Impact is how you come across to
other people. You know your intent; others do not. This is
how misunderstandings arise.
[Link] you do, and don’t do, in person can send a
signal. Make sure the signals you send are the ones you
want to be remembered for.
[Link] you are a polychron among monochrons, then you might
want to send signals that include being on time, responding
promptly, and single-tasking in the presence of others.
Chapter 8 | Quotes From Pages 85-101
[Link] secret to doing a good job is to understand
what is expected of you and to stay one step ahead
of your boss.
[Link] you don’t first understand why the task exists, you may
end up overlooking the candles for the birthday cake, the
farewell note for the retirement, or the desired type of cake
for the photo shoot.
[Link] questions is not a sign of incompetence; it is a
demonstration of your interest in doing a good job.
[Link] easier you make it for others to help you, the more
likely you’ll be helped.
[Link] performers treat every assignment as if it were their
reputations—not their manager’s—that are on the line.
[Link] your manager says, 'We’ll figure it out,' chances are they
don’t mean 'We will figure it out.' They probably mean
'You will figure it out.'
[Link] the expectations of each person represented by
RACI is important for your competence and compatibility.
[Link] you are assigned a task, there are three questions
you need to answer with your manager: What do I need to
do? How should I do it? And by when do I need to get it
done?
[Link] predictable. The less you surprise your coworkers, the
less they will need to scramble to accommodate you.
[Link] taught me a lesson: transitioning from school to
work is about more than just making money. It’s about
shifting from the mindset of 'I’ll wait for instructions' to
the mindset of 'I’ll try to figure it out.'
Chapter 9 | Quotes From Pages 102-118
[Link] won’t have enough hours in the day to do
everything.
[Link] something is important and urgent, do it immediately.
[Link] may be fun on a birthday, but they aren’t much
fun when it comes to broken promises and missed
deadlines.
[Link] problems at their root cause.
[Link] making promises to other managers or clients, your
manager may say that work can be done cheaply, quickly,
or with high quality. You may be able to achieve two of
those, but rarely will you achieve all three.
[Link] don’t have to go it alone. Every time she switched
managers, departments, or jobs, Nisha immediately looked
for coworkers who were in situations similar to hers who
could become allies in protecting what was sacred.
Chapter 10 | Quotes From Pages 119-126
[Link] most important people aren’t always at the
top.
[Link]’s the hidden relationships between people and the
invisible boundaries surrounding them that are really
fascinating.
[Link] you’ve identified the formal powers on your new
team, the next step is to identify the informal powers—the
influencers.
[Link] people may be friendly (and even loyal) to you,
their first loyalty may be to someone else.
[Link] as there’s often a deeper meaning behind what’s
explicitly stated in a text, there are hidden relationships
behind the interactions that take place at work.
Chapter 11 | Quotes From Pages 127-139
[Link]’s not what you know but who you know.
[Link] first time you do anything is always uncomfortable.
The second time is always easier.
[Link] relationships is about acknowledging others’
 presence and showing that you care.
[Link]’s called the 'double opt-in intro' (meaning both sides opt
in to being introduced). This is how many people get jobs
or even new clients.
[Link] job isn’t to simply do your job. It’s also to build
relationships.
[Link] now! The earlier you set the virtuous circle of people
and opportunities in motion, the more relationships you
will build for yourself.
Chapter 12 | Quotes From Pages 140-152
[Link] are opportunities for you to strategically
demonstrate your competence, commitment, and
compatibility.
[Link] better you prepare, the better you will perform.
[Link] can’t read your mind, so they don’t know how hard
you’ve been working or how good a job you’ve been
doing.
[Link]’t wait until you have the most brilliant comment to
speak up.
[Link] and knowledge are more valuable than
simply pretending and getting through the meeting.
Chapter 13 | Quotes From Pages 153-163
[Link] and report cards don’t exist in the
workplace as they do in school.
[Link] you’re starting out, it’s possible you may also
receive feedback from anyone you are paired up with.
[Link] workplace is far from a perfect institution. And as we
can tell from this chapter, feedback in the workplace is far
from a perfect process.
[Link] spoken objective of a feedback meeting may be to help
you improve, but the unspoken objective is to help your
manager feel validated.
[Link] matter if it’s good or bad, all feedback is 'good'
feedback, at least in terms of helping you to learn and
grow.
Chapter 14 | Quotes From Pages 164-178
[Link] things don’t feel quite right, the first step is
figuring out the root cause—the hidden problem
that is causing the racing thoughts, sleepless
nights, or lack of motivation.
[Link]’t just pursue the path of fastest relief or of least effort;
pursue the path of least regret.
[Link] can’t read your mind, so if you don’t speak up, they
may not even recognize that there’s a problem.
[Link] she started work, however, she quickly discovered
that the new job was not what she had expected.
[Link] you lay out your possible options, the last step is to
do some time travel. Which option feels most appealing ten
minutes from now? Which might leave you more satisfied
in ten months, after you experience the positive and
negative consequences of your action (or inaction)?
[Link] consideration is how long you’ve been in your
role. In general, the unspoken rule is to try to stay in a job
for at least a year (and ideally at least two years).
[Link] would a better situation look like?
Chapter 15 | Quotes From Pages 179-192
[Link] are evaluated based on both your
performance (how effective you are in your
current role) and your potential (how effective you
 can expect to be in your next role).
[Link] key to getting promoted is to find an unoccupied
swimlane that matters to your team—and then claim it.
[Link] at work aren’t monsters to run away from.
They’re opportunities to run toward.
[Link] you want it, ask for it.
[Link] everyone will know that you are being undervalued.
Not everyone will know that you are going above and
beyond. And no one will care more about your career than
you.
The Unspoken Rules Questions
View on Bookey Website

Chapter 1 | The Three Cs: Competence,

Commitment, Compatibility| Q&A
[Link]
What are the Three Cs as defined in the book?
Answer:The Three Cs are Competence,
Commitment, and Compatibility. These are essential
traits that help individuals succeed in their roles by
convincing colleagues and managers that they can
do the job well, are enthusiastic about their work,
and will fit well with the team.

[Link]
Why is it important to demonstrate all three Cs?
Answer:Demonstrating all three Cs maximizes your chances
of building trust and opening up opportunities. If you lack
even one C, people may be hesitant to assign you important
responsibilities, invest in your development, or collaborate
with you.
[Link]
Can you give an example illustrating the importance of
Competence?
Answer:One example is of a college student who failed to
communicate with her manager about a delayed project. Her
lack of communication led to her being perceived as
incompetent, ultimately resulting in her termination. This
highlights how crucial it is to not only be competent but also
to maintain communication.

[Link]
What is a common challenge people face regarding
Commitment?
Answer:The challenge with Commitment often stems from
perception versus reality. Individuals may feel committed but
fail to display visible signs of enthusiasm, such as
engagement in meetings or prompt communication, which
can lead others to question their commitment.

[Link]
How does Compatibility vary across different teams
according to the text?
Answer:Compatibility can vary significantly based on the
team's demographics and cultural norms. People tend to
gravitate towards those similar to themselves, and
biases—conscious or unconscious—can affect how an
individual's compatibility is perceived, impacting their
workplace integration.

[Link]
What lesson can be drawn from the stories of
professionals from diverse backgrounds?
Answer:The experiences shared reflect systemic challenges
related to identity in the workplace. However, they also
illustrate that embracing and leveraging one’s unique
background and differences can be a superpower that not
only aids personal success but also empowers others within
the professional community.

[Link]
How can one work towards mastering the Three Cs in
their career?
Answer:To master the Three Cs, focus on continuous
self-improvement: enhance your skills for Competence
through education and practice, demonstrate your enthusiasm
and presence for Commitment, and engage actively with your
colleagues to build Compatibility. Additionally, being aware
of your environment’s dynamics and norms can help you
navigate these areas effectively.

[Link]
What can individuals do if they feel they struggle with
one or more of the Three Cs?
Answer:If someone struggles with any of the Three Cs, they
should seek feedback from peers or mentors, reflect on their
behaviors, and actively seek opportunities for growth and
engagement in those areas. Building self-awareness and
adjusting their approach can significantly improve their
standing.

[Link]
Why is understanding the Three Cs crucial for
newcomers in a job?
Answer:Understanding the Three Cs is essential for
newcomers because these traits shape how they are perceived
by others, influencing their career advancement and
relationships within the workplace. Recognizing the
importance of these traits helps new employees navigate their
roles more effectively and establish a positive presence.
Chapter 2 | Think, “Let’s Give This a Shot!”| Q&A
[Link]
What mindset is crucial for seizing career opportunities?
Answer:The crucial mindset is "Let’s give this a
shot!" This optimistic perspective encourages
individuals to take risks, make bold requests, and
pursue opportunities even in uncertain situations.

[Link]
How did Annie approach her desire to join a team she
was interested in?
Answer:Annie took proactive steps by reaching out to the
senior vice president of the team she wanted to join, despite
initial insecurities. She recognized that her preferences alone
wouldn’t determine her future and that creating opportunities
for herself was essential.

[Link]
What lesson can we learn from Annie’s experience after
reaching out to the SVP?
Answer:Annie’s experience teaches us that taking initiative
can lead to unexpected opportunities. Although she was
initially disappointed that there was no role for her, her
proactive networking led to the formation of a women’s book
club and ultimately a position on the desired team.

[Link]
How did Annie handle her insecurity about being the only
woman and recent graduate in her company?
Answer:Annie built her confidence by reminding herself of
her accomplishments, such as her challenging college major
and leadership roles, and transformed initial insecurity into
assertiveness by pursuing her goals through open
communication.

[Link]
What is a significant takeaway regarding fear of
rejection?
Answer:The significant takeaway is that the worst-case
scenario is often less daunting than imagined. If the worst
that can happen is someone saying 'no,' it shouldn't deter one
from attempting to ask or pursue opportunities.

[Link]
What does the phrase "where you start off does not have
to determine where you end up" mean in a career
context?
Answer:This phrase emphasizes that initial positions or
experiences do not dictate one’s potential for future success.
With effort and initiative, individuals can overcome early
setbacks and create new paths for themselves.

[Link]
How can you create opportunities for yourself in a new
job?
Answer:You can create opportunities by networking
proactively, expressing your career interests, participating in
initiatives, and volunteering for projects. Establishing
relationships and demonstrating eagerness sets you apart.

[Link]
What advice did Annie give about facing challenges?
Answer:Annie advised that facing fears is essential for
growth. Embracing challenges rather than avoiding them
opens doors for learning and advancement, as illustrated by
her own experience of improving from a poor essay grade.

[Link]
How should one respond to 'no' when pursuing
opportunities?
Answer:One should take a gracious approach to rejection,
viewing it as a learning experience rather than a setback. It’s
essential to maintain a mindset of resilience and to keep
pursuing opportunities without entitlement.

[Link]
What is the relationship between curiosity and
entitlement in seeking opportunities?
Answer:Curiosity drives a genuine desire to learn and
explore new possibilities, while entitlement can lead to
unrealistic expectations. It’s important to ask for
opportunities without assuming they are guaranteed.
Chapter 3 | Show Up Like a High Performer| Q&A
[Link]
How can asking questions transform your work
relationships?
Answer:Asking questions, rather than seeing it as a
chore, can help forge connections with your
colleagues. For instance, Sana turned emails from
HR into conversations that led to building allies
within the company, which eased her transition and
helped her get involved in important projects early
on.

[Link]
What are the common mistakes new employees make on
their first day?
Answer:Many freshmen, like George, fail to familiarize
themselves with key people in their organization, which can
lead to embarrassing situations, such as not recognizing the
CEO. This can cement negative perceptions among
coworkers.
[Link]
What are the key elements to making a strong first
impression at a new job?
Answer:Research your organization thoroughly including its
history, recent news, and team structure. Arrive early, dress
appropriately, and have meaningful questions ready. Being
proactive in your preparations shows commitment and
professionalism.

[Link]
What distinguishes a good question from a bad one in a
work setting?
Answer:A good question addresses something not readily
accessible or known to you, while a bad question is obvious,
imminent, or easy to find through basic research. Good
questions demonstrate curiosity and effort, thereby elevating
your standing with colleagues.

[Link]
How can you effectively communicate the reasoning
behind your questions?
Answer:Introduce your question with context, using phrases
like 'Here’s what I know, and here’s what I don’t know,' to
demonstrate that you've done your homework. This approach
enhances your credibility and indicates to others that you
value their expertise.

[Link]
What habits can you develop to ensure you're seen as a
high performer from day one?
Answer:Start by consistently researching your organization
and its industry, staying updated on news, asking insightful
questions, and engaging with colleagues. Over time, these
behaviors will become second nature and help you stand out
as a valuable team member.

[Link]
Why is it important to build relationships early in a new
job?
Answer:Establishing relationships early provides a support
network and facilitates collaboration on projects. It fosters an
environment where you can ask questions freely and gain
insights that can expedite your learning curve in a new role.
[Link]
How can one learn from early mistakes in a professional
setting?
Answer:Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities. For
instance, George could reflect on his interaction with the
CEO and recognize the importance of being prepared. A
humorous and self-aware response can mitigate damage and
show maturity.

[Link]
What steps can new hires take to gain respect and
rapport quickly?
Answer:New hires can gain respect by coming prepared,
actively engaging with colleagues, asking meaningful
questions, and demonstrating eagerness to learn. These
actions signal that they are dedicated and serious about their
roles.

[Link]
What mindset shift is encouraged when transitioning into
a new role?
Answer:Shift from viewing the first day as intimidating to
seeing it as an opportunity to showcase initiative and build
rapport. Approach it with curiosity and readiness to learn, as
opposed to simply following orders.
Chapter 4 | Be Proactive| Q&A
[Link]
What attitude should you adopt when starting a new job
or project?
Answer:Think like an owner and take responsibility
for your own success. Don't wait for opportunities;
proactively seek them.

[Link]
What should you do if you haven't met your supervisor
on the first day?
Answer:Ask around to find out who your supervisor is and
request a meeting to clarify expectations and your role.

[Link]
How can you clarify expectations in your new position?
Answer:Ask direct questions about priorities, success
metrics, and deliverables expected within certain timeframes.

[Link]
What should you do to establish communication with
your teammates?
Answer:Introduce yourself to coworkers and inquire about
their projects, making connections to understand the team's
dynamics.

[Link]
How should you navigate your work environment?
Answer:If working in person, familiarize yourself with your
surroundings, including key offices and resources. If remote,
set up a dedicated workspace.

[Link]
What is a good strategy to start taking initiative at work?
Answer:Observe your colleagues, ask to join meetings, and
express your willingness to help with projects or tasks to
prove your commitment.

[Link]
What should you consider when defining your daily work
routine?
Answer:Think about your transportation, meal preparation
time, and any personal commitments that will impact your
productivity.

[Link]
How do you demonstrate your commitment in a new
role?
Answer:Be proactive in volunteering for tasks, showing
enthusiasm, and being willing to take on challenges, even if
they seem tedious.

[Link]
What is the key difference between school and work
according to the chapter?
Answer:In school, you follow instructions and keep up; at
work, you need to step up and take initiative.

[Link]
What is a tangible action you can take if no one
introduces themselves to you on your first day?
Answer:Take the initiative to introduce yourself to others,
breaking the ice and establishing your presence.
Chapter 5 | Know How to Tell Your Story| Q&A
[Link]
What lesson can we learn from Meghan’s experience
about taking initiative in a new role?
Answer:Meghan's experience teaches us that being
passive and waiting for guidance can lead to missed
opportunities. By proactively researching the
organization and being clear about her own goals,
she could have shaped her experience to be more
fulfilling and relevant. Taking initiative means
suggesting ideas and asking for the type of work you
are genuinely interested in.

[Link]
How important is it to differentiate between your internal
and external narratives?
Answer:It's critical to differentiate between your internal and
external narratives because your internal narrative reflects
personal motivations, while your external narrative is your
way of communicating competence and commitment to
others. Sharing only your internal narrative can come off as
self-centered, whereas your external narrative demonstrates
how your experiences and goals align with the organization's
needs.

[Link]
Why is building a personal 'story fridge' with talking
points beneficial?
Answer:Creating a 'story fridge' allows you to have a
collection of relevant experiences and ideas ready to share, so
you can seamlessly connect with colleagues. This preparation
helps you respond confidently and appropriately to various
questions, ensuring that your answers reflect your
competence, commitment, and compatibility.

[Link]
What does it mean to maintain your competence when
interacting with coworkers?
Answer:Maintaining your competence means presenting
yourself as someone who has valuable skills and knowledge
without coming off as arrogant. It involves acknowledging
your strengths while staying humble, ensuring that your
contributions to discussions are framed positively and
recognize your team's expertise.

[Link]
How can you show commitment during early interactions
in a new job?
Answer:Demonstrating commitment involves expressing
enthusiasm about learning and contributing without
appearing overly ambitious or threatening. Phrases like 'I’m
eager to learn from this team' or 'I'm curious about this area'
signal a willingness to grow and collaborate rather than
compete.

[Link]
What are effective techniques for building rapport with a
new team?
Answer:To build rapport, show genuine interest in your
colleagues, engage in active listening, maintain positive body
language, and find common ground in discussions. Being
approachable and open to conversations can foster a sense of
belonging and facilitate a positive team dynamic.

[Link]
How can storytelling impact your career the most
beneficial way?
Answer:Effective storytelling can significantly enhance your
career by allowing you to present your background, skills,
and aspirations in a compelling manner. It positions you as
relatable and competent, opening up opportunities for
collaboration, mentorship, and career advancement.

[Link]
What steps can you take to ensure your external
narrative aligns with your audience's expectations?
Answer:To align your external narrative with your audience's
expectations, research the organization’s mission and values,
observe the communication styles of your colleagues, and
practice relevant anecdotes that connect your experiences
with their interests. This approach helps you tailor your
message effectively.

[Link]
Why is practice essential when developing your narrative
and introduction skills?
Answer:Practice is essential because it helps you refine your
delivery, build confidence, and ensure your message is clear
and engaging. By rehearsing, you can avoid sounding robotic
and instead convey your story naturally, allowing for more
authentic interactions.
[Link]
How can you tell if your narrative is being well received
by your audience?
Answer:You can gauge the reception of your narrative by
paying attention to nonverbal cues such as smiling, nodding,
and eye contact from your audience. Positive feedback
indicates engagement, while crossed arms or lack of eye
contact may suggest disinterest.
Chapter 6 | Manage Your Appearance| Q&A
[Link]
What is the main lesson about managing appearance in
the workplace?
Answer:The main lesson is finding a balance
between what is appropriate for your workplace and
what feels authentic to you. It’s important to reflect
the hidden expectations of your environment while
staying true to your identity.

[Link]
How can one identify the unspoken dress code at a
workplace?
Answer:To identify the unspoken dress code, observe
colleagues' appearance during your interview and find
patterns in their clothing choices through company photos or
in-person interactions. Look for common styles, types of
clothing, and grooming habits.

[Link]
What should you do if you're unsure about your
workplace appearance choices?
Answer:When in doubt, ask a mentor or coworker for
guidance on whether a certain outfit would be appropriate.
It’s also advisable to opt for a more formal option, as it’s
better to err on the side of looking serious than
unprofessional.

[Link]
What are some ways professionals navigate their
appearance when they feel it doesn’t fit the norms?
Answer:Professionals can choose to reject the rules, embrace
the rules, or bend the rules: rejecting means being true to
oneself despite potential discomfort; embracing involves
adapting to fit in better; bending allows for personal
expression while still respecting workplace culture.

[Link]
What is the significance of placing elements of your
identity in sacred, negotiable, and indifferent zones?
Answer:This exercise helps clarify what aspects of your
identity are non-negotiable versus what you can adapt. It
encourages self-reflection on what’s truly important to you in
your appearance and identity in a professional setting.

[Link]
How should one approach their appearance if they come
from a different background than their colleagues?
Answer:If you come from a different background, it’s
essential to reflect on how to navigate your appearance while
being authentic. You can either find compromise through
adaptation or stand firm on certain aspects of your identity,
depending on what you value most.

[Link]
Why is it important to regularly evaluate your
appearance choices?
Answer:Regular evaluation is critical to ensure that you’re
not compromising too much of your sacred identity for the
sake of fitting in. It helps to reassess whether the
compromises you make align with your values and the
benefits outweigh the costs.

[Link]
What role does self-awareness play in managing
appearance according to the chapter?
Answer:Self-awareness is vital in understanding your
personal values and how much you're willing to negotiate
aspects of your appearance. It guides you in making choices
that reflect both professionalism and your authentic self.

[Link]
How can individuals support others who face challenges
in fitting into workplace norms?
Answer:Individuals can be allies by using their influence to
create a more inclusive environment, recognizing the variety
of experiences, and actively lifting up those who struggle to
fit into the established norms.
[Link]
What final message does the chapter convey regarding
personal expression in the workplace?
Answer:The final message emphasizes that there are no
absolute rights or wrongs; individuals should live up to their
own expectations rather than conforming to the potentially
narrow standards established by others.
Chapter 7 | Send the Right Signals| Q&A
[Link]
What are the key signals that Neel sends during his
presentation, and how do they affect others' perceptions
of him?
Answer:Neel's tardiness affects others' perception of
his commitment, his visible frustration impacts
views on his competence, and his unprofessionalism
raises doubts about his compatibility with the
clients. Even though his intent was positive, the
negative impact of his signals led to a poor
evaluation of his performance.

[Link]
What does the distinction between intent and impact
mean in a professional setting?
Answer:Intent refers to what you mean to convey, while
impact is how that message is perceived by others. In Neel's
case, despite his good intentions, his frustrated demeanor
negatively influenced how clients viewed his professionalism
and ability to handle stress.
[Link]
Why is understanding different workplace cultures
(email-first vs. IM-first) important?
Answer:Understanding whether a workplace operates on
email-first or IM-first communication standards helps you
tailor your messaging style, thereby sending the right signals
and avoiding being perceived as an outsider.

[Link]
How can one ensure their emails are sending the right
signals?
Answer:By proofreading for typos, staying updated on
conversation threads, timing emails appropriately, aligning
the tone with intent, and considering the permanence of
emails.

[Link]
What is the significance of being aware of your
environment during video calls?
Answer:Being mindful of your background, clothing, and
actions during video calls sends signals about your
professionalism. A distracting background may lead others to
think you're not focused, while inappropriate attire can signal
disrespect or lack of seriousness.

[Link]
How can one effectively demonstrate commitment and
competence through their choice of communication?
Answer:Choose the appropriate level of formality for your
emails and instant messages, be punctual for calls and
meetings, and maintain a professional demeanor in all
communications to project commitment and competence.

[Link]
What should you consider about your online activity as it
relates to workplace impressions?
Answer:Your online presence, including social media and
email interactions, can shape how others perceive you in
terms of professionalism. Regularly assess what signals
you're sending through your digital activity.

[Link]
In what ways can body language and in-person behaviors
communicate professionalism?
Answer:Even small gestures like punctuality, table manners,
and being visibly engaged send strong signals about your
time management capabilities and respect for colleagues.

[Link]
What should you do if you find yourself in a culturally
different workplace regarding time management?
Answer:Be observant and adjust your signals to mirror the
local culture's expectations, whether that means adopting a
more relaxed approach to deadlines or being more structured
and prompt.

[Link]
Why is it important to regularly reflect on the signals
you're sending in all forms of communication?
Answer:Regular reflection on the signals you send can help
you align your actions with your intent and improve how you
are perceived by colleagues, enhancing your professional
reputation.
Chapter 8 | Take Ownership| Q&A
[Link]
What is the first important step when receiving a task
from your manager?
Answer:The first important step is to clarify any
unclear aspects of the task immediately after
receiving it. This ensures you have all the
information needed to perform the task correctly
and effectively.

[Link]
How can you ensure you understand the broader
objective of a task?
Answer:To understand the broader objective, you should ask
questions such as, 'What is this for?' or 'What does success
look like?' This helps you see the big picture and not just the
task at hand.

[Link]
What does RACI stand for and how can it be utilized in
understanding assignments?
Answer:RACI stands for Responsible, Accountable,
Consulted, and Informed. It's important to clarify who is
responsible for the work, who is accountable for its success,
who needs to be consulted for their input, and who should be
kept informed of progress before starting a project.

[Link]
Why is it important to work backward from a deadline?
Answer:Working backward from a deadline helps you
identify various interim deadlines that might not be explicitly
stated. It allows you to plan your work effectively, ensuring
you meet not just the final deadline but also any internal
check-in points.

[Link]
What should you do if you receive conflicting instructions
from different managers?
Answer:If you receive conflicting instructions, it’s best to
bring the appropriate people together to clarify expectations,
ensuring that everyone is on the same page and you avoid
any miscommunication.

[Link]
How can you make it easier for others to help you?
Answer:You can make it easier for others to help by
minimizing their workload. For instance, provide all
necessary information and context in your request, or even
do some legwork for them, such as attaching relevant files or
suggesting meeting times.

[Link]
What mindset shift does the author suggest transitioning
from school to work?
Answer:The author suggests a shift from waiting for
instructions to actively trying to figure things out on your
own. It’s about taking ownership and responsibility in your
work.

[Link]
What role does thanking and recognizing others play in a
professional setting?
Answer:Thanking and recognizing others not only makes
them feel appreciated but also reinforces positive
relationships and can encourage further assistance in the
future.

[Link]
Why is it important to ask for feedback with a specific
call to action?
Answer:Asking for feedback with a specific call to action
helps focus the response and ensures you are getting the
pertinent information you need to move forward effectively,
rather than vague or off-topic suggestions.

[Link]
What does taking ownership in your work entail
according to the chapter?
Answer:Taking ownership in your work involves being
proactive, managing expectations, clarifying ambiguous
instructions, and being responsible for not just completing
tasks but also for the overall success of the projects.
Chapter 9 | Manage Your Workload| Q&A
[Link]
How do I determine what tasks are urgent in my job?
Answer:Urgent tasks can be identified by
considering four key factors: 1) Proximity—how
close you are to a deadline; 2) Scrutiny—the level of
oversight from higher-ups; 3) Anxiety—how
urgently others are treating the situation; 4) Time
Sensitivity—tasks that become harder or limited
over time.

[Link]
What are the characteristics of important tasks at work?
Answer:Important tasks are defined by three factors: 1)
Centrality—how core the task is to your role; 2)
Scrutiny—how many people are affected; 3)
Criticality—how much the task matters to others or the
overall success of the project.

[Link]
How can I prioritize tasks effectively?
Answer:Use a modified version of the Eisenhower Matrix: 1)
If a task is important and urgent, do it immediately; 2) If
important but not urgent, schedule it for later; 3) If urgent but
not important, allocate time for it or delegate; 4) If neither,
remove it from your agenda.

[Link]
What is the importance of managing others'
expectations?
Answer:Managing expectations helps avoid surprises and
maintains trust. Proactively communicate potential issues or
delays and offer solutions. This shows commitment and
keeps your team informed.

[Link]
How should I handle office housework requests?
Answer:Evaluate whether the task will offer you any career
benefit. If not, consider suggesting a rotation system for such
tasks within the team or gently redirect the request to
someone who may benefit more.

[Link]
What strategies can I use to avoid surprises at work?
Answer:Be proactive in communicating about potential
problems before they escalate. For example, if you anticipate
a delay, inform your manager early and propose solutions.

[Link]
Why is it essential to understand patterns in workplace
dynamics?
Answer:Recognizing patterns helps you anticipate others'
behavior, manage relationships, and improve
communication. For instance, if your boss consistently asks
for updates every Monday, prepare and send those updates in
advance.

[Link]
How do I effectively communicate complex ideas or data
to others?
Answer:When communicating complex concepts, use visual
aids like charts or diagrams. Simplify the details, and
organize the information to ensure clarity and enhance
understanding.

[Link]
What should I do if I make a mistake at work?
Answer:Acknowledge the mistake, apologize, and focus on a
solution. Highlight what you will do to avoid a similar issue
in the future, demonstrating your learning and growth.

[Link]
How can I protect my work-life balance?
Answer:Clearly communicate your availability and
boundaries to your team. Don't be afraid to advocate for your
needs, like flexible hours if it helps you be more productive.

[Link]
What is the significance of promotable versus
nonpromotable tasks?
Answer:Promotable tasks help advance your career, while
nonpromotable tasks often do not benefit your career
strength. It's important to balance these responsibilities while
ensuring that career-enhancing work is prioritized.
Chapter 10 | Read between the People| Q&A
[Link]
How can understanding hidden relationships in the
workplace benefit my effectiveness?
Answer:Understanding hidden relationships lets you
navigate social dynamics more effectively, ensuring
you don't unintentionally offend or upset someone,
as Alison did with Sue. Each person has unique
responsibilities, sensitivities, and friendships that
guide their behavior—recognizing these can help
you work harmoniously within your team and avoid
conflicts.

[Link]
What is the importance of learning the chain of
command?
Answer:Learning the chain of command helps clarify who
reports to whom, which is crucial for efficient
communication and collaboration. It allows you to approach
the right individuals regarding issues or ideas, and
understand the dynamics of feedback and authority within
your team.

[Link]
How can I identify influencers in my new work
environment?
Answer:Identifying influencers involves observing who is
often consulted for opinions, whose decisions affect others,
or who is frequently invited to meetings. These individuals
may not have formal authority but wield significant influence
over team dynamics and decisions.

[Link]
What are swimlanes, and why are they important in a
workplace?
Answer:Swimlanes define each team member's
responsibilities. Understanding swimlanes is vital because it
prevents overstepping boundaries and ensures that everyone
knows their role in a project, making collaboration smoother
and more effective.

[Link]
How do loyalty dynamics impact workplace
relationships?
Answer:Loyalty dynamics reveal underlying alliances that
can affect trust and information flow. Understanding who is
loyal to whom helps you navigate conversations and avoid
making comments that could be shared with the wrong
person.

[Link]
What should I observe to identify comfort zones in my
workplace?
Answer:Pay attention to the topics of conversation and how
colleagues react to various subjects. Notice if discussions
about family, politics, or other personal matters are avoided,
and instead focus on acceptable topics that foster positive
engagement.

[Link]
How can asking for permission be beneficial in a new
team culture?
Answer:Asking for permission displays respect for existing
roles and avoids misunderstandings, especially in
environments where responsibilities are not clearly defined.
It can enhance your reputation as a considerate colleague
until you better understand the informal rules.

[Link]
Why is it essential to mirror behaviors in a new work
environment?
Answer:Mirroring behaviors helps you fit into the workplace
culture, demonstrating that you understand and respect
unspoken norms. This can build rapport with colleagues and
make your integration into the team smoother.

[Link]
How can I start observing the dynamics in my workplace
effectively?
Answer:Start by paying attention to interactions in meetings,
the flow of conversations, and how people engage with
different team members. Take note of non-verbal cues and
the overall atmosphere to glean insights into comfort zones
and alliances.

[Link]
In what ways can understanding organizational dynamics
improve my career prospects?
Answer:Navigating organizational dynamics effectively can
lead to enhanced collaboration, increased visibility to
decision-makers, and ultimately accelerate your path to
promotions, as you become known as someone who
understands and respects the workplace culture.
Chapter 11 | Spark Relationships| Q&A
[Link]
Why are relationships important in professional settings?
Answer:Relationships can significantly influence
career advancement and success. Decisions about
promotions, bonuses, and assignments are often
made by people who know you, rather than purely
based on performance. Having a strong support
network also enhances job satisfaction and personal
well-being.

[Link]
What does the phrase 'spark the connection' mean?
Answer:'Spark the connection' refers to the initial act of
reaching out or engaging with someone in a work setting. It
could be as simple as a smile, a nod, or a casual question to
open up a dialogue, creating an opportunity for further
interaction.

[Link]
How can one effectively make the first move to start a
conversation?
Answer:To make the first move, use the time before
meetings, in waiting areas, or during social events to initiate
conversations. Simple observations or questions about the
weather, work agendas, or shared experiences can serve as
effective icebreakers.

[Link]
What is meant by 'play the game' in the context of
building relationships?
Answer:'Play the game' means actively engaging in
conversations by contributing details, sharing experiences,
highlighting commonalities, and asking questions. This
encourages a back-and-forth dialogue that helps deepen the
connection.

[Link]
Why is it important to sustain momentum in professional
relationships?
Answer:Sustaining momentum involves continuing to
connect through regular interactions, showing interest in
colleagues' lives, and maintaining communication, which
reinforces the relationship over time and can lead to future
collaboration or support.

[Link]
What are some practical ways to sustain relationships?
Answer:Ways to sustain relationships include greeting
colleagues when you see them, following up on previous
conversations, sharing relevant articles or information,
expressing gratitude, and proactively suggesting catch-up
meetings.

[Link]
How can introverts overcome anxiety when meeting new
people in a work environment?
Answer:Introverts can break the process down into
manageable steps, starting with simpler interactions,
preparing topics for discussion, and focusing on listening and
asking questions, which can ease the pressure of
conversation.

[Link]
What is the significance of acknowledging others'
presence in conversations?
Answer:Acknowledging others through small gestures like
greetings or questions shows that you value their presence,
fostering positive feelings and engagement, which are
foundational for building rapport.

[Link]
In what way can volunteering enhance
relationship-building at work?
Answer:Volunteering for projects or events allows
individuals to meet new people in a low-pressure
environment, showcasing their competence while organically
building a network of connections.

[Link]
How can one approach networking if they have different
interests or backgrounds from their colleagues?
Answer:Even if interests differ, it's important to show
genuine curiosity, ask questions, and find common ground to
connect with colleagues, demonstrating a willingness to
engage and understand diverse perspectives.
Chapter 12 | Master Meetings| Q&A
[Link]
What key lesson can be learned from Peter's experience
in the meeting with the startup's CEO?
Answer:Peter's experience highlights the
importance of actively participating in meetings.
Even thorough preparation and a well-crafted
memo are not enough if you do not contribute
during discussions. This situation teaches that
visibility and vocal engagement are key to being
perceived as competent and valuable within a team.

[Link]
What are the Three Cs that individuals should
demonstrate in meetings?
Answer:The Three Cs that individuals should demonstrate in
meetings are Competence, Commitment, and Compatibility.
These aspects are crucial for being perceived positively by
colleagues and higher-ups.

[Link]
What should you do before attending a meeting to
prepare effectively?
Answer:Before a meeting, you should clarify the meeting's
purpose and the attendees involved, determine your specific
role, anticipate potential questions you may be asked, and
prepare at least one thoughtful comment and question.

[Link]
Why is it essential to speak up during meetings,
particularly for junior employees?
Answer:Speaking up during meetings is essential for junior
employees as it demonstrates their engagement and
willingness to contribute, helping to build their reputation as
knowledgeable and competent team members.

[Link]
How can someone ensure they are being heard in a
meeting?
Answer:To ensure you are being heard in a meeting, maintain
eye contact, speak clearly and confidently, use strategic
phrasing to connect your comments to others, and consider
using the chat window to share ideas in virtual meetings.

[Link]
What is the recommended follow-up action after a
meeting?
Answer:After a meeting, it's important to clarify any tasks
assigned to you, recap what you understood about your
responsibilities, and follow up with meeting notes or a
summary if expected.

[Link]
How can someone demonstrate leadership skills in
organizing a meeting?
Answer:To demonstrate leadership skills in organizing a
meeting, outline a clear objective and agenda, select the right
attendees, determine the meeting format, communicate any
preparatory materials in advance, manage the discussion
effectively, and clarify post-meeting actions.

[Link]
What mindset should you bring to meetings according to
the chapter?
Answer:You should approach meetings with a mindset of
curiosity, a desire to learn, and the intention to contribute
rather than just going through the motions.

[Link]
What strategy can someone use if they struggle to be
heard in a meeting?
Answer:If you struggle to be heard in a meeting, consider
typing your ideas into the chat window, seeking the support
of an ally who can amplify your contributions, or clearly
documenting your input in shared materials.

[Link]
What should you keep in mind about the unspoken rules
in meetings?
Answer:Understand the unspoken rules regarding
participation in meetings, such as when to speak, when to
listen, and how to adjust your contributions based on the size
and type of meeting.
Chapter 13 | Manage Feedback| Q&A
[Link]
What should you do if your manager gives you subtle
hints instead of direct feedback?
Answer:Transform subtle cues into clearer questions
by asking, 'When you say ________, do you mean
_________ or something else?' Alternatively,
regularly ask for feedback to uncover the underlying
concerns.

[Link]
How can you tell if your manager is unhappy with your
performance but is not saying it directly?
Answer:Look for changes in their behavior, such as more
frequent meetings or micromanagement, which may indicate
dissatisfaction.

[Link]
When receiving direct criticism, how should you interpret
your manager's harsh words?
Answer:Focus on the substance of their feedback rather than
their delivery style. Understand that their frustration might
stem from unmet expectations and try to extract constructive
points.

[Link]
Why is it essential to understand cultural differences in
feedback styles?
Answer:Cultural backgrounds influence how feedback is
given and received; recognizing whether you are in a
low-context or high-context culture helps in interpreting
messages accurately.

[Link]
What steps should you take before a feedback meeting?
Answer:Prepare by knowing what you want to discuss,
practicing responses to potential questions, and framing the
discussion around your desire to improve.

[Link]
How can you respond effectively during feedback
meetings?
Answer:Use follow-up questions if feedback is vague,
appreciate the comments made, and clarify next steps to
show commitment to improvement.
[Link]
What lesson can be learned from Kayode's story about
feedback implementation?
Answer:Being open to feedback and showing a willingness
to apply it can foster a positive relationship with your
manager and lead to career advancement, while rejecting
feedback can hinder your development.

[Link]
How can you make feedback meetings work for you?
Answer:Seize opportunities to discuss your interests and
aspirations, and don’t hesitate to ask for support from your
manager when seeking new challenges or projects.

[Link]
What is the key takeaway about feedback in the
workplace?
Answer:Feedback is a learning opportunity, regardless of
whether it feels positive or negative; it reflects not just
performance but also your manager's perspectives and how to
align with them.

[Link]
How can you approach your manager if their direct
feedback makes you uncomfortable?
Answer:Consider initiating a conversation to express your
feelings and seek clarity on how to interpret their comments,
ensuring mutual understanding.
Chapter 14 | Resolve Conflicts| Q&A
[Link]
What are the three options you have when something at
work doesn't feel right?
Answer:1. Fix the situation, 2. Live with the
situation, 3. Leave the situation.

[Link]
How did Kathryn's situation illustrate the importance of
diagnosing the problem?
Answer:Kathryn's lack of motivation and unhappiness
stemmed from her new manager's style. She didn't realize the
root cause until after leaving her job, which illustrates how
important it is to identify what's truly causing your
disconnect at work.
[Link]
What is the 'path of least regret' in conflict resolution at
work?
Answer:Instead of seeking the quickest relief, it’s about
making decisions that you will be satisfied with in the long
run, considering both immediate and future consequences.

[Link]
How can you better understand the root cause of your
issues at work?
Answer:Engage in a self-reflective practice, like journaling
daily about your experiences and feelings at work. Over time,
patterns may emerge that reveal the root causes of your
discontent.

[Link]
What strategies can you use to fix a problem tactfully at
work?
Answer:1. Don’t go it alone; seek advice. 2. Show
appreciation rather than criticism. 3. Assume positive intent.
4. Focus on contributing to the team rather than personal
issues. 5. Ask for advice instead of pointing out problems. 6.
Offer low-commitment experiments instead of demands.

[Link]
What questions should you ask yourself if you consider
leaving your job?
Answer:1. Have you tried working around the issue? 2. Have
you engaged allies for help? 3. Have you identified what you
want? 4. Have you reached the limits of your patience? 5.
Are you convinced that the alternative job solves your
problem?

[Link]
What is the significance of gracefully leaving a job?
Answer:Leaving gracefully allows you to maintain
professional relationships, respect within your industry, and
create a positive lasting impression which can impact future
opportunities.

[Link]
How can you make a good last impression at a job before
leaving?
Answer:By job hunting discreetly, giving ample notice,
winding down projects, communicating appreciation to your
coworkers, and staying engaged until the very end of your
tenure.

[Link]
What should you do to keep your professional
relationships alive after leaving a job?
Answer:Stay in touch with coworkers on LinkedIn, regularly
share relevant content, and maintain open lines of
communication to nurture your professional network.

[Link]
Why is diagnosing the issue essential before deciding to
leave a job?
Answer:Understanding the root cause allows for informed
decisions on whether to fix, live with, or leave the situation,
potentially preventing premature exits and further
dissatisfaction.
Chapter 15 | Show Your Potential| Q&A
[Link]
How can I show both my performance and potential at
work?
Answer:To demonstrate both your performance and
potential, focus on excelling in your current role
while articulating your capability to take on greater
responsibilities. Identify areas where you can
improve processes or solve pressing problems, as
these actions will reflect your current effectiveness
and future leadership potential.

[Link]
What are unoccupied swimlanes, and why are they
important?
Answer:Unoccupied swimlanes refer to roles or
responsibilities within your organization that have not been
claimed by others. Identifying and taking on these roles can
position you as a valuable asset to your team, showcasing
your initiative and ability to contribute uniquely to the
organization.

[Link]
What practical steps can I take if I want to be promoted?
Answer:To position yourself for promotion, first, evaluate
what tasks or problems you can address that haven't been
tackled before. Engage actively with your team and
management to understand their challenges. Implement
solutions that align with organizational goals, document your
contributions, and share your ideas and successes with your
superiors.

[Link]
Why is it important to know when promotions typically
occur?
Answer:Understanding when promotions happen is crucial
because it allows you to prepare and align your contributions
with those timing expectations. Promotions often occur at
specific intervals, like when there are vacancies or new needs
in the organization, and being aware of this can help you
strategize your professional development and visibility.

[Link]
How do my relationships with coworkers impact my
chances for promotion?
Answer:Your relationships with coworkers significantly
influence your promotion prospects, especially in less
structured organizations. Compatibility with your manager
and other influential colleagues can enhance your chances, as
promotions may rely heavily on personal evaluations rather
than formal metrics.

[Link]
What should I do if I feel undervalued in my role?
Answer:If you feel undervalued, gather data to support your
case for a promotion or salary increase. Compare your
contributions and salary with peers, prepare a strong case
detailing your achievements, and be proactive in discussing
your career aspirations with your supervisor.

[Link]
What if my efforts to get promoted aren't recognized?
Answer:If your efforts aren't recognized, actively seek the
recognition you deserve. Articulate your successes in sharing
meetings or performance reviews, and if necessary, ask for
feedback and support from your managers and allies within
the organization.

[Link]
What mindset is essential for navigating career
advancement?
Answer:Adopt a mindset of continuous improvement and
proactive engagement. Embrace challenges as opportunities
and view problems not as roadblocks, but as chances to
demonstrate your capabilities and influence positive change
in your workplace.

[Link]
How can I bridge the gap between different teams or
disciplines?
Answer:Act as a translator or facilitator by understanding the
key concerns of different teams and communicating
effectively between them. This could involve
cross-departmental projects or simply fostering relationships
that alleviate communication barriers and promote teamwork.

[Link]
Why is asking for what you want important in the
workplace?
Answer:Asking for what you want—whether it's a
promotion, salary increase, or opportunity for professional
development—signals that you value yourself and your
contributions. It opens the dialogue for negotiation and
establishes your commitment to your career growth.
The Unspoken Rules Quiz and Test
Check the Correct Answer on Bookey Website

Chapter 1 | The Three Cs: Competence,

Commitment, Compatibility| Quiz and Test
[Link] is solely measured by observable
performance in all job roles.
[Link] commitment requires visible engagement
and enthusiasm in helping your team achieve its objectives.
[Link] is less important than the other two Cs,
competence and commitment, when entering a new role.
Chapter 2 | Think, “Let’s Give This a Shot!”| Quiz
and Test
[Link] in a new job are rare and need to be
carefully evaluated before acting upon them.
[Link]-advocacy is an important skill, and one should actively
seek to create their own opportunities instead of waiting for
them to come.
[Link] fear of rejection is a common barrier, but the actual
consequences of being rejected are often greater than
 anticipated.
Chapter 3 | Show Up Like a High Performer| Quiz
and Test
[Link] successfully built relationships before
starting her job, which helped her integrate into
the company quickly.
[Link] chapter suggests that it is unnecessary to prepare
before starting a job, as first impressions are only based on
initial interactions.
[Link] to the chapter, asking questions is detrimental to
building relationships in a new work environment.
Chapter 4 | Be Proactive| Quiz and Test
[Link] one cares about your success at work as much
as you do.
[Link]'s unnecessary to clarify expectations for your role when
starting a new job.
[Link] should wait for your supervisors to introduce
themselves before you make any connections with your
coworkers.
Chapter 5 | Know How to Tell Your Story| Quiz and
Test
[Link] is important to be clear about your goals when
communicating with your manager in the
workplace.
[Link] too much of your internal narrative in the
workplace is encouraged to demonstrate your personal
motivations.
[Link] your story is unnecessary once you have created
your internal and external narratives.
Chapter 6 | Manage Your Appearance| Quiz and
Test
[Link] appearance has no impact on how one is
perceived in the workplace.
[Link]'s important to mirror the appearance choices of your
coworkers to maintain professionalism.
[Link] are universally right and wrong ways to present
yourself in a professional setting.
Chapter 7 | Send the Right Signals| Quiz and Test
[Link] actions influence how others perceive your
professional abilities.
[Link] between intent and impact rarely occur
in professional communication.
[Link] video calls, it is important to be aware of your
background, attire, and actions.
Chapter 8 | Take Ownership| Quiz and Test
[Link] assignments have clear guidelines
similar to school tasks.
[Link] is important to understand the broader goal behind a task
to ensure success.
[Link] the RACI model is unnecessary in understanding
project roles and responsibilities.
Chapter 9 | Manage Your Workload| Quiz and Test
[Link] tasks based on urgency and importance
is essential for fulfilling stakeholders' needs in the
workforce.
[Link] proximity of a deadline does not influence the urgency
 of a task; tasks should be prioritized by their overall
importance regardless of deadline.
[Link] a task is both important and not urgent, it should be
eliminated from your tasks to focus on more pressing
issues.
Chapter 10 | Read between the People| Quiz and Test
[Link] success of a team is solely dependent on the
formal hierarchy.
[Link] how people behave around their superiors can
provide insights into workplace relationships.
[Link] individual responsibilities in a workplace is
irrelevant to team dynamics.
Chapter 11 | Spark Relationships| Quiz and Test
[Link] relationships in the workplace is essential
for career advancement and personal fulfillment.
[Link]'s unnecessary to sustain interactions with colleagues as
relationships in the workplace do not influence success.
[Link] the first move in conversations is only important
for people you don’t know.
Chapter 12 | Master Meetings| Quiz and Test
[Link] are only important for presenting one's
work and do not contribute to showcasing
Competence, Commitment, and Compatibility.
[Link]'s essential to identify your role in a meeting to
 understand if you should engage actively or passively.
[Link] a meeting, it's not necessary to follow up or clarify
tasks as that can affect professional relationships.
Chapter 13 | Manage Feedback| Quiz and Test
[Link] at work is always delivered through
formal evaluations and clear communication.
[Link] a manager's feedback style is important and
varies based on cultural contexts.
[Link] is unnecessary to express gratitude for your manager's
time during feedback meetings.
Chapter 14 | Resolve Conflicts| Quiz and Test
[Link] conflicts arise at work, it is important to
recognize that you can either attempt to fix the
issue, live with it, or leave.
[Link] returned to her original firm after facing a
management change because her motivation and
satisfaction increased significantly.
[Link] first step in resolving conflict at work is to
immediately confront the person involved in the conflict
without identifying the root cause.
Chapter 15 | Show Your Potential| Quiz and Test
[Link] both high performance in your current
 role and high potential for the next is necessary for
promotion.
[Link] are solely based on an employee's current
performance without considering future potential.
[Link] and capitalizing on unoccupied swimlanes can
increase your chances of a promotion.