Marisa Peer studied hypnotherapy in Hypnotism

Training Institute of Los Angeles, known as the best

hypnotherapy training center in the world. She has
more than thirty years working with an extensive list
of clients including royalty, rock stars, actors,
CEOs and Olympic athletes. Marisa has developed her own and
unique style, which they often refer to as a
life changer.
 Marisa works extensively in television and radio,
appearing on Supersize vs Superskinny Celebrity Fit Club
in the United Kingdom and the United States. In May 2006,
Marisa was named the Best British Therapist by the
Men's Health magazine featured in the Tatler Guide of the 250
Best British Doctors. She gives conferences and workshops.
around the world.

For more information about Marisa, visit:

www.marisapeer.with
www.rapid transformational therapyy.com

Connect with Marisa Peer on Facebook, Twitter,

Instagram, YouTube, Vimeo, LinkedIn

…………..

IAmEnough:AnEgihP
-tartProgram
to master your beliefs and prepare for success
phenomenal

Marisa Peer has created a transformational program.

complete and concise for I Am Enough. Delivered in
eight modules across eight videos and audios, the
program will give you the same effects of transforming your
reality and the same epiphany effect as their clients most
distinguished have experienced in person.

This program is designed to radically alter

permanently the key areas that will impact your life.
This includes your level of confidence, your purpose, your
relationships, your career, the creation of wealth and abundance and
enjoy a phenomenal sex life. I Am Enough.
a new, innovative, and exciting program that can
change and redefine your life. After using this program,
you will be able to activate the abundance and potential that you desire.
 For more information visit:

www.iamenough.com/resources

Previous Publications

You Can Be Thin: The Ultimate Program to End Dieting

ForeverYou can be thin: The innovative program for
quit diets forever.

I am always skeptical when thinking about another "diet" book.

"miraculous", but this one is really different ...
constructive thoughts of a woman who truly
you know.
enM
izaguoY

I would recommend this book to my patients or to anyone.

that I would like to change her weight and find a relationship
healthy with food.
Dr. Chris Steele, General Practitioner and
resident doctor of This Morning

…………..

You Can Be Younger: Use the Power of your Mind to Look

and Feel 10 Years Younger in 10 Simple Steps/You can be
younger: Use the power of your mind to look at yourself and feel
10 years younger in 10 simple steps.

I cannot recommend Marisa Peer, her methods or

this book is enough. You Can Be Younger is a marvel,
a change of life and a lifeline.
Molly Parkin, artist, writer and celebrity

…………..

Trying to Get Pregnant (and Succeeding)

getting pregnant (and achieving it)
 I am so happy that Marisa's book has her techniques.
unique so that even more women can benefit
I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone
woman who struggles with infertility.

College Murphy, Sands (Charitable Organization for

fetal and neonatal death
Trying To Get Pregnant (and Succeeding)
getting pregnant (and achieving it) and it gave me wisdom, a
perception and faith during many difficulties and obstacles.
I am very happy to have turned to Marisa because
now I have a beautiful, amazing, and wonderful son. Thank you
Marisa.
Daniella Neumann, TV Producer

…………..

Ultimate Confidence: The Secrets to Feeling Great About

Yourself Every Day / Maximum confidence: The secret to feeling good
good with yourself every day

People always assume that personalities of the

television is full of self-esteem, but the truth is that
we all have areas of our lives where
we would like to be able to do it better. Marisa's approach is
cash, refreshingly different and, what is more
important, pleasant
Anna Richardson, TV presenter

For more information about Marisa Peer's books by

please visit:

www.marisapeer.com/books

Praise for I Am Enough

 I don't know how to thank you! I have fallen in love with you, you
you really changed my life. The best thing about you is that
you really speak the truth, the truth that almost everyone
other therapists do not say. I am a speaker and I teach in
universities and now I teach my students YoSoy
I also make them realize their greatness.
You see, being an instructor and standing in front of young people makes you
see the truth and the pain caused in them by their beliefs,
which they learned during their childhood. So now
I always have to tell them about what I learned from you and
students come to me to write for them in the
I am enough. Thank you again, really.
from the bottom of my heart and as I have the opportunity
to hear you and learn from you, I no longer listen to or visit
life coaches or psychologists.

Shereen

A few weeks ago I spent some time with my dear.

friend and one of the best hypnotherapists in the world,
Marisa Peer. She will always have a special place in my heart.
heart because it helped my wife a lot when
we were struggling to have a baby. It helped many
people, including celebrities and the British royalty, to
overcome their phobias, infertility problems, addictions and
weight problems. A few years ago she started a
movement called I Am Enough. It's amazing! She
It teaches people that they are good enough.
to do what they want. It is incredibly powerful and
managed to help millions of people.

Smiljan

I found a video on YouTube and I enrolled in the

program I Am Enough. Today I am on day 7.
I downloaded the recordings and I listen to them every night.
before going to bed. The effect is amazing. I used to be a
a very angry person, always unhappy and grumpy,
especialmente en el trabajo.Temo todos los días… tengo
fear of making mistakes... Will they scold me today? Did I forget
Something important? The more scared I am, the more mistakes I make.
I messed up! I always start my day with fear and end it with
anger. After listening to your recordings, I am surprised
that I am more relaxed on the way to work... I am not
angry, I am more positive and not depressed... the
feelings disappear.... I was happier and more confident
at work last week. My husband is the first
person in noticing the changes. I have written and printed 'IAm'
"Sufficient" and I stuck it on the walls of my house and recorded.
those words on my bracelet. And every morning while I
to go to work I will look in the mirror and say 'I'm
blessed! I am enough! I am good!” The words do not
they can express how grateful I am.

Rachel

Bravo Marisa, as you continue to develop

ways to re-empower humanity and change the
world —like this course and this book definitely it
they will do.

Karen

I am enough in my strength and I am also enough

when I am weak, or I am tired or just "I don’t feel like it today".
Ia
mhguonew
nsgenhdnaiId
htow
antehrg
I simply do what I really have to do today. I am
sufficient when I am ready to face the world And
when I need a little time and emotional space.
Every day I am enough. And you are too.

Theresa
 This is a lesson I never want to forget. While
I continue to struggle with the bad habits of my thoughts
subconscious, these three words give me a perspective.
These three words have also impacted the daughter of a
my friend. When he discovered why he had these words
on my wrist (and in the bathroom mirror), I carry this message to
his class at school. His teacher now has this phrase
written on the board for the whole class to see every day.

Steph

Months ago, when I "found" the information of

Marisa, and I proposed a challenge. I wrote it down in any
moment that I could and I used it as a response every day. In 30
Days I realized how positive my life had become
thought and how thoughts in general were
more productive and less comparative. I am Sufficient
I say everything and I confirm the power of words. Thank you,
Marisa Peer.

Paige

It's incredible how this phrase works. Thank you Marisa.

Susan

A year has passed and I am still completely

grateful and I feel on cloud nine about how much my
Life has changed since I took MarisaYoSoy's course.
Enough. If it was possible for me, it is possible for
anyone. I come from a great bankruptcy; I come from having
to flee to the United States because our life was in
Danger! All of you can and all of you are
enough. Thank you Marisa.

Vanessa
 Marisa, I want to give this message of 'I am
"Enough" 1000 likes! Doing this training has
changed my life and many lives of those around me.
Thank you is not a word big enough like
to say how much I appreciate you and your gifts.

Sum

I don't remember anyone telling me openly that no.

it was enough, but they did tell me that if I tried and
I was putting in a little more effort, yes, it really could be.
You are good, but not good enough. I give up.
It accounts for the fact that this has remained with me all my life.
I have done some pretty good things in my life, but
I could have done much more and with more satisfaction if
I just would have listened that I am enough. It has arrived the
time to change

Simon

Finally, I have come to understand how I Am

Sufficient appears in my life and when not. I have the
words on a sticky note on my computer and I have
I returned much more confident in my own self-sufficiency than,
I even speak differently. Thank you, Marisa Peer, for
open the door to greater understanding, healing and
elevation of collective energies. As a nurse of
mental health, I have always found the medical model limited and
restrictive. When I found Marisa and I Am Enough,
It made a lot of sense to me. I have been using some of their
methods with young people aged 13 to 19 with excellent
results.

Warren

Write I Am Enough in all the mirrors of your

house!” said Marisa Peer, my online coach. This work of
MENTALITY is the real business. Then I realized
the account of that 'MY BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO SUCCESS (in the
life or business) WERE MY OWN THOUGHTS." Thus
that now, when I work with entrepreneurs, it is so easy
to see that their greatest obstacles to achieving success are not
your products or services, but rather your MENTALITY, the one that
It is established as "I can't achieve this/that", "I am
mom and I can't run a successful business at the same time
time", "I am tired, I need x amount of sleep, or if
no, I can't function
do X". I told myself all these things during the
last 12 years. I will say this over and over again: all these
words that you are saying to yourself and to everyone who
those surrounding you have nothing to do with the words you are
using. NOTHING. All these sentences come from A SINGLE
internal thought of doubt you tell yourself: 'No
I am enough. YOU ARE WRONG. I am the proof. I was
just like you. I went from a business dream to my business
dreamed! Because someone believed in me and told me that I am
Sufficient.

Lazy

Years ago learning I Am Enough changed the

the way I saw myself. These three words made me
they pulled me out of the lowest period of my life. Since then it has
has been my mantra. I am very happy to have met you,
Marisa Peer.

Nazia

This whole course has been wonderful. I have to say it.

Marisa, you are beautiful. At 72 years of age, I can
make sure that I have taken many, many courses during my
life and this surpasses everyone. I am enough is the thing
brighter than I have heard and I have loved, loved,
beloved. I have written 'I am enough' everywhere and
I have tattooed it on my left hand. The whole course is
truly transformative and worth every penny and
reverse minute in him. Thank you again Marisa for this
wonderful course.
Anonymous

A lipstick in your mirror will change your life. I am

Sufficient
Marisa Peer, I love, love, love your work. It has changed my life.
in a phenomenal way. Thank you Marisa and I wish you the most
extraordinary successes with this book and the rest of your
work.

Angela

I am doing the program I Am Enough, which has

transformational being for me. I am a person
completely different from the person I was 6 months ago
back.

Lorna

I would like to share this amazing resolution with

Amounts of money after 11 months. Yesterday I sold my house.
in Milan for €250,000 in just 15 days. Thank you Marisa, I Am
It really works.

Francesco

m
hguaoneI

Marisa Peer
 Copyright © 2018 Marisa Peer

All rights reserved.

Translated by Carolina Serpell E.

ISBN-13: 978-1916411005
ISBN-10: 1916411002

DEDICATORIA
I dedicate this book to my parents Ron Peer and Dee
Sadler and the beautiful Psalm Isadora. I miss you both a lot.
everyone.

Incapable of dying are the loved ones, for love is

immortality.

Ialsodedicateittomyhusband,John,whoismy
major support. I couldn't do what I do without you - you are my
rock.

To my sister, Sian, who has built our company.

better than ever – you are and have always been indispensable.

For my beautiful daughter, Phaedra Peer –my life is better

every day thanks to you.

RECOGNITION
A special recognition and thanks to my
wonderful friends Claudia, Dani, Helen, and María – thank you
for believing in me and supporting me.
 For all the beautiful children in my life –Carylss, Lucas,
Bree, Issac Freya, Jackson, and Lola. You give me a lot
joy.

For Rosie Spinks, thank you for your help and contributions to this.
book. You are fabulous and indispensable and I am very grateful.
for you.

For my extraordinary teachers, especially to the

who are no longer here: Gil Boyne, David Viscott, and Wayne Dyer,
I appreciate your brilliance and feel honored to have known you.
known.

For my clients of so many years who have been so

generous in sharing their stories and allowing me to use them
in this book. I greet you all for helping me to
formulate techniques to create my own therapy that has been
awarded and has helped so many people. Each one of
you played a role in the creation of the Therapy
Rapid Transformational (TTR).

For my wonderful team, amazing

coaches, fabulous TTR therapists and splendid
TTR students around the world, who together
they make our TTR training so
wonderful, so nice and so powerful. I fall in love more
and more about you and the technique with each course that
we do and I am impressed by the privilege I have in
teach this phenomenal method. I couldn't do it without each
one of you. My deepest and sincerest
thanks are not enough to express my
gratitude and love for all of you. Thank you all for
contribute to putting the TTR on the map and turning it into the
driving force it is becoming.
PREFACE
I have known Marisa for more than fifteen years, first
professionally and then, personally, and the day that the
I met was my lucky day. She is the best therapist.
extraordinarily gifted and I literally sent her
hundreds of people over the years, some
international celebrities, some extremely
famous, some a little famous and some not famous.
Theyallhadsomethingincommon:theyneededhelpandIgaveittothem.
her number knowing that she would change their lives.

Therefore, I can easily say that your skills

they are unique and change life completely. Given my high
consideration for your brilliant ability to change life
of the people, and given my job, I also gave it a role
significant in one of my programs, Celebrity Fit Club,
where she worked with eight celebrities for a period of
four months and achieved extraordinary results. She is
internationally regarded as the best in its field
and people travel from all over the world to seek her help. She
she is the only person I have met anywhere
of the world that I know has the unique ability to help the
people with the widest range of problems, including
those who have suffered the most severe forms of abuse, and
has achieved dramatic life changes.

When people ask me why Marisa and her

methods are different, that is easy to answer. This is the
what do I say: when you have a heart problem, you go to
talk to a heart specialist who diagnoses what
it is bad and it will tell you if you need surgery. Then, you go and you
you perform the surgery. If you only spoke with the cardiologist, that
heart problem would be diagnosed, but not treated and
in the best case it would remain the same, or in the worst case
the cases would worsen. With Marisa, she is both things, the
specialist who diagnoses and the surgeon who operates. You
you speak, but then you explore deeply and it
you solve.

For everyone who reads this book today is their day of

Good luck. The patterns and behaviors that make you unhappy do not
need to stay this way forever. People tend to
to lose hope in this or that, they tell you that they
"always" have had relationships that go wrong, or that have
jobs that they really do not enjoy, why?

Without even realizing it, people adapt to their

negative patterns until those patterns govern them.
When you feel this way or when your brain feels like a
plot of knots, just read this book and feel how the knots
they untangle.

The brain can change and is happy doing so, if it

you help develop new neural patterns. no
it takes a lot of effort to read and to do. In the days and
In the weeks that follow, you will feel completely changed.

I hope that everyone who reads this book allows that

I helped her change her life. Marisa is wonderful and this
the book is also.

Claudia Rosencrantz, former controller

entertainment for ITV

CONTENTS
Introduction

1TuVToday Diary Is Not A Hell

 2 Why Babies Do NotTeI fly

3 Why Don't You Want to Be the Lottery Winner

To be successful, do this first

5 There Are No Shortcuts – But There Is a Guarantee

6TuMIt's like a class of 3-year-old children.

7 Prehistoric Bodies Living in Modern Times

8 The Biggest Challenge to Enjoy Happiness and Peace

Internal

9 Criticism Destroys, Praise Builds

10 singsTu Propia Song

11 Building a Romantic Relationship Starts With You

Same

12 Gathering itToto Create an Incredible Life

To download free hypnosis sessions that

accompany the book, please visit:
www.iamenough.com/resources

INTRODUCTION
In my long career as a therapist, thousands of people
They have passed through my office for thousands of different reasons.
But out of those thousands of clients, you would be surprised to know that
There are only three types of people. That's correct – only three.
 No matter the initial problem, behavior, or issue that the
client brings me to help him. It doesn't matter if he is a billionaire,
an Olympic athlete, a social hermit, a veteran
disabled, a movie star, or just an employee of
office. It doesn't matter if it's British, Japanese, or from Namibia;
homosexual, heterosexual or transgender; deserter of the
school, a musical genius or a tax accountant. A
despite all these variables, at the end of each session,
I usually realize which of the three
Archetypes are.

Isn't it surprising? That from all the diversity of the

human experience that people have today, everyone
we can be reduced to just three types. Surely you will be
asking what those types are, but before telling you
I want to tell you something more important. I want to tell you why.
this is true.

The traditional field of psychology enjoys making the

complicated things. However, in my experience, it has
There has been a basic principle that has constituted my practice.
as an internationally recognized therapist and it is
incredibly simple. This focused approach on the
simplicity goes against the current, clinically speaking. Not
nevertheless, I can say with certainty that this is the reason why
they commonly refer to me as the "therapist of the
therapists" – or the person to whom other professionals
experienced send to their clients when they are
struggling to get results with them. It is also the
reason why I have earned a reputation for helping the
clients in one or two sessions, instead of years of visits.
So, what is this knowledge that I have been
learning for 30 years and thousands of hours of practice? It is my
understanding that human beings come to this
planet with two powerful emotional needs:
find connection and avoid rejection. If you delve into it
sufficiently deep in emotional problems of
almost anyone, you can trace these topics back to the
failure to meet those two needs. It is
really that simple the reason why that truth is so
powerful and part of its strength is its simplicity.

If you want a test of how fundamental these are

needs, our society provides quite a few examples
extremes. Watch someone in the most extreme way of
isolation that we came up with: solitary confinement.
Numerous studies in the United States have shown
that solitary confinement is one of the most severe punishments
harmful and irreversible granted to a criminal, regardless
whatever it has done. The symptoms that are known to be
caused by solitary confinement include
hallucinations, panic attacks, depression, loss of
memory and mood swings. Revelatory, the four
percent of prisoners in jails in the United States that
are subjected to solitary confinement constitute 50
percent of the total suicides in the prison system.
Allthistellsusthatahumanbeingmaynothavea
direct threat to its survival in terms of its
biological needs - food, shelter, oxygen - but if
he feels rejected by society and is unable to forge
a human connection of any kind will be in the worst
class of poverty that we know. The poverty of the spirit.

Similarly, if you ask a homeless person

what is the worst part of being homeless, the answer they give
often it is not what you would expect. They do not say that they miss
having your own bed or a meal with meat (even though I am
sure they do miss those things), they say that the
feeling of being constantly ignored and rejected
by society in general is too much to bear. Come on
to a charity dining room and you will often find
people who are there more for the conversation with someone than
for the food. It has also been proven that one of the
major factors causing drug addiction and the
alcoholism is the feeling of not belonging and one of the
successes of Alcoholics Anonymous is that it allows addicts
feel a sense of connection with others.

You see, to a certain extent we all still have the

mentality of tribal times. When we lived in
interdependent tribal structures, it was imperative that
we would not be rejected by our peers since none
a human could survive in nature alone. In that
In this case, rejection really meant death and the
connection meant survival. That is the reason why
that this fear is so deeply rooted and is the
cause of many of our modern problems.

A medida que he desarrollado mis métodos de

rapid transformational hypnotherapy –which today form
the basis of my international course for my Therapy method
Rapid Transformational, or TTR - I have always gone back to this
fundamental truth: more than anything else
we need connection and avoid rejection. And when I am
trying to realize which of the three types fits my
client, it is always through the lens of these dual desires.

Three types of clients

You are probably wondering what the three are
categories in which I have managed to separate my clients, without
a lot of deviation. The first type of customer is a person who
the one who would love to have it all – romantic relationships, a
great work, financial security and self-love, trust and
internal peace —but, it fails to achieve any of that and
much less maintain it. The second type of client is one
that has many things described above, but that the
sabotages a lot or a little in different ways such as
addictions, overworking or deceiving your spouse. And
the third type, the rarest, which does manage - through working
in their mindset — to get it all: relationships, health,
career vocation, well-being, inner peace and is working
in sharing it with others.

For some people, these categories might seem

basic or too simple. But, since I have seen the
transformation of the first two types after applying
my methods, I am confident that it really is like this.
everything goes back to that fundamental truth that
shared. Feeling disconnected or rejected can lead to
all kinds of problems that manifest in the types of
clients that belong to groups one and two. That rejection
and disconnection can come from parental abandonment, from
being mistreated, having a disability, or never feeling
that you were sure. It can manifest as fear of the
intimacy, an excessive ego, or an addiction to food, the
alcohol or drugs. In fact, it doesn't matter where it comes from.
rejection or lack of connection almost always leads to
people who feel as if certain things in life never
will be available for them. And many ailments of the era
modernity is a function of human beings trying to
fill the resulting void or the gap they feel.

Around 2012 it became very evident to me that the

third group of customers –those who had it all and wanted more
share
they were operating at a different level of consciousness and love
own. They didn't just feel it, they knew that everything was
available for them. This was not because they had
experienced perfect and trauma-free lives. Everything the
opposite. It was because of the way they had changed their
mentality.
 I was so impressed by the outstanding nature of this.
group that I decided to find a way to teach not only to
not only the first two groups of clients, but to all my
followers and readers around the world how they could
transform into the third type. This book along with my course
TTR (Rapid Transformational Therapy) is my attempt to
do just that. I want everyone to know that it is not just
possible to overcome their problems and complexes to live a
a full and happy life - it is yours to take once
they can put their mind on their side when talking
indeed with her.

When you like yourself, your life

it is extraordinary
As I said before, there are many reasons why
people from all walks of life feel
disconnected and rejected. In many cases these
reasons start very early in life, even before
that we are aware of our own consciousness.
Maybe your dad was never home, and when he was,
I was commenting on your weight. Maybe your mom could only be.
pleased if you were perfect, and then you never felt that
you can't fit despite your hardest efforts. Or maybe
You were a victim of trauma or abuse before you knew what
Those words meant something. All of that represents rejection in
various degrees. As we age we
we ask why we have the same obstinate ones
problems such as sabotage in relationships,
addictions, weight problems, lack of motivation or fear
from the commitment, following us everywhere. In many
in these cases, these problems become a kind of self-hatred,
a resignation to the fact that we will never be who
we want to be. Our conscious mind only assumes that it is
our own fault: that we are lazy, we are not
good enough, we simply cannot
change it, because this is how life will always be. While
so, our unreachable subconscious mind,
frequently, it is still analyzing the causes
deeply rooted in rejection and disconnection, ignorant of what
is happening at the surface level.

As a therapist, I know many people who do not like themselves.

themselves, and as a consequence, they create lives that neither
they like. The third group of customers is those who do
they like themselves. That is not because they are perfect, or
because they had perfect parents, or they didn't
experienced adversity; it is because they have learned
how to converse with themselves and redirect their
insecurities and fears around rejection and the
disconnection towards a tremendous self-confidence.

This is not the same as ego or narcissism; it is a

radical sense of self-love. It is a declared belief,
implanted and unbreakable in one's own dignity.
With her, I truly believe you can do anything.
what. Without her, you will remain in group one or two with your
subconscious mind sabotaging you at every step of the
camino, siempre sintiendo que no eres lo suficientemente
well regardless of what your achievements are or how many
personas te valoren.

The chapters of this book are dedicated to teaching you

how to achieve that unshakable belief in yourself —the
radical act of simply liking yourself—so that
you join the third group of clients. This is not for you to be
superior or better than anyone else, but rather
so that you can also help spread this message
of self-love that can change the world. It is information
that I think everyone should know, but doesn't
teach in schools because many of the educators
they have not learned it themselves yet. I like to think that
It is my life purpose to disseminate this information to the greatest
the maximum number of people possible because in my practice I have seen
how this method generates changes in life through the
emails from my readers, in the scenario when
I speak at conferences and in my training course.

The chapters will take you through various techniques.

which you can apply to your daily life, starting now
same. They are not rare or difficult to implement and they do not cost
money nor require special equipment. Everything you need
It is the will to change and confront habits.
mental blocks that you have been stuck in for years.

The first chapter will explore how your language and dialogue
external affects what your mind believes it wants you to do,
while the second chapter will explore visualization and
how images affect our beliefs. The chapter
Three will clarify how to forever alter your feelings
towards the things you don't like, such as phobias, to do
diet or hard work. Chapters from the fourth to the sixth
they will share some of the simple, but effective habits
that almost all successful people I have dealt with
over the years they practice in their daily lives. The chapter
Seven will refer to how you can apply some of those
habits to a challenge that many people face: weight loss
weight. Chapter Eight will reveal the mantra that I believe
can heal people, while chapter Nine will explore
how to operate in a world that will not always be kind
with you. Chapter Ten will deal with relationships
romantic ones in your life, and the final chapter will teach you how to
put all these lessons together to create a life
wonderful.
 As you can see, none of these techniques are about
to avoid adversity or to live your life without conflicts.
None of them is a quick solution based on ideas
false or of the New Age. Rather, they are all about
equip your brain to deal with what life throws at you in a
a self-directed way, full of gratitude and not ordered
of the worst habits of your mind. It is important to accept
that very often we cannot change the events
externals that surround us, we can only change how
we respond to them. However, fortunately,
changing how you feel on the inside will change how you
You feel about external events more than what
could you imagine.

I can't tell you the lives of how many people I've seen
change when adopting these techniques. For the external world
they might have lost a lot of weight, they started a business
incredibly successful, they finally found a relationship
loving, and they reconciled with their parents. But in all
in those cases, what really happened is that they changed
the way they relate to themselves. Their world
the interior has become much more loving and, at the same time, its
the outside world has changed for the better. I am here to
to teach you easy but effective methods that will take you to
this life of 'I am enough'. It's not magic, but it will have a
magical effect in your life.

There is a metaphor that I like to use when it comes to

train your mind to work for you and not against you.
I want you to think of your subconscious mind as if it were
a wild horse. It is running through the fields, without
control, allowing their power and strength to dominate any
impediment or barrier. In the meantime, your conscious mind
he is the horse trainer. It is possible to train a horse
wild like this so that it is obedient and docile, but
you would need an extremely horse trainer
experimentado para lograr esto con éxito; un aficionado
I simply couldn't. The same goes for your mind.
most people go through their lives like a
amateur horse trainer with a black stallion
wild in their hands. For those people, the horse
wild —their subconscious mind— controls them, not the other way around.
They wonder why, over and over again, they fight against the
the same complexes and bad habits. The reason is simply
that you cannot control your mind unless you know
exactly what to do with her. With this book I want
to teach you to do exactly that, and at the same time allow you
have everything, keep everything and also enjoy it and
share it.

A note on how to use this book

This book contains a lot of what I have learned in
my thirty years as a therapist, author, and speaker,
working with thousands of clients and reaching many more
readers, followers, and audiences around the world.
Workingandlisteningtocommentsfromallofthese
individual people over the years, I have learned
that while different things work for different
people, a unique and simple mantra like 'I am enough'
it can be the life-changing ingredient to alter your
internal dialogue forever. For others, establishing a
new habit about how they face performing tasks that
an act can make the difference between finding a
great success for your business or not.

That is why the best way to use this book

it's the way that feels right for you. If some
chapters speak to you more than others, so I encourage you to
read and release those chapters until you have instilled
completely his teachings in your subconscious mind.

Occasionally, throughout the book, I will refer to some

audio recordings of hypnosis that you can use for
help you reinforce and strengthen the teachings in these
pages. The can you find here
www.iamenough.com/resources.

Audio 1 - The Healing Vortex

This audio is designed to help you achieve balance in your
body and to overcome emotional and even physical issues
initiate a powerful healing response. Of course,
All healings are self-healings, and upon hearing this
audio you can repeatedly implement a powerful
healing within you.

Audio 2 - I Am Enough
This audio is to instill and encode in you the
unwavering knowledge that you are enough.
The more you listen to it, the more it will become a part of you.
you are, so enjoy listening to it often.

I recommend that you listen to each of these audios for

21 consecutive days to code and program the powerful
Message it contains. After 21 days it continues
listening to them at least once a month or so
frequently as you wish to keep this message
present in your mind.
 If you have never been hypnotized before, don't worry.
The instructions are quite simple and listening to these
words for at least a period of three weeks
it will create the opportunity for my messages to remain
in your mind. Please note that hypnosis is perfectly
safe and natural and nothing bad can happen to you while
you are in that state, you cannot be forced to do anything
against your will and you cannot get stuck either
in hypnosis.

If you are worried that you might fall asleep

during the hypnosis session, or if you feel that it will put you
drowsy, don't stress about it. Hypnosis and sleeping
They are, in fact, very similar, since in both states you
the subconscious mind is working more than your mind
conscious. All you have to do at the beginning of a
hypnosis session is to ensure that you are comfortable, in a
quiet place, with the phone disconnected or with the mobile
turned off. To begin, simply close your eyelids,
but try to have your eyes look upwards as if you were looking
your eyebrows. You will notice that your eyelids start to blink.
quickly, what exactly do you want. Take
some deep breaths and just relax with
the recording and follow what you are asked to do in it.

Don't worry if you feel like you're not doing it.

correctly. There is no wrong way to do it.
Just remember that my hypnosis will not send you to sleep —it
will awaken. Just relax and you will find that you feel more
comfortable as you progress.

CHAPTER 1
Y
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 The greatest discovery of my generation is that the
human beings can change their lives by altering their
mental attitudes
William James, American psychologist

When I was training to be a therapist, I

I felt challenged when my teacher told me "the mind is
truly complicated and very complex. It takes a lifetime.
understand it and master it.” Immediately I thought, “well,
So how is that going to work? Nobody has a whole
life to master your mind.” Also, what is the point of
to be 80 years old before you can master your mind? That's not it.
Help. And you know what? In reality, that's not true either.

The truth is that the human mind has a job

simple: keep yourself alive as long as possible. To do
So, our mind is an expert at helping us avoid and flee.
of danger or of what causes us pain.

When we lived in tribes among the bushes, this

the work was quite difficult. We had to flee from the
depredadores, encontrar agua y comida y protegernos de los
constantly threatened. We were under physical threat.
much more frequently than we are today and
we were designed to respond to those factors
stressful. Our bodies developed responses to
"fight or flight" that warned us how to respond in
times of stress, which usually meant great
animals, disputes with other tribes or natural disasters.

The physical world has changed a lot since then.

Daily, most people in the modern world
there is no direct threat to your physical well-being. Without
embargo, here is a fundamental design flaw: our
The brain has not changed much to reflect our new
safer and more domesticated reality. We are still
prepared with fight or flight responses in the face of stress
or the adversity that life gives us. The difference now is
that the stress factors and obstacles are fewer
primitive and more mental. However, when we come to the
planet, our mind still believes in its unique and singular
work: keeping us alive. And how does it do that? By listening
the instructions we give him about what causes us pain.

This is the reason that when we are in traffic

the morning, going late to work and when
we spilled the coffee on our white shirt we say
This journey is killing me. This traffic is a
nightmare. My boss is stressing me out. This pressure is
killing,” our brain really believes us. And how
does our body respond to these instructions? Well, they have
said that we are under threat— something is killing you!
Your brain wants to keep you alive! So your rhythm
your heart rate accelerates, your cortisol levels increase, your
the body fills with hormones, you feel angry and lash out
against your son who is sitting in the back seat and him
You send a disrespectful text message to a colleague.
we tell our brain that it is stressed and that
We are under a direct threat, and behold, he believes us. Time
hour after hour, day after day, our brain uses the language that
he listens to us using to inform him how he should feel.

This is the first important lesson I want you to

You do what you think you want to.
do and what you truly believe is for your greater good
benefit.

At the moment you are sitting in traffic and you

allows you to feel a lot of stress, your body is
desperately trying to get you out of that situation
Why are you giving all the signs to be?
sitting in the car is causing you great pain. You are
giving instructions to your mind, through your words,
that are triggering a physical fight or flight response.
But the truth is that being late to get to work
a stained white shirt doesn't really cause you
no pain. Perhaps discomfort or annoyance, but not the kind
of stress that one feels when their house is on fire
or when one is being chased by a wild boar.
However, your mind doesn't care. You expressed
verbally that you are under threat and feeling pain, and
then your brain gives you all the symptoms and answers
that helps you escape from that. What ’s the result? You end up
stressed and feeling miserable.

Like all my teachings, this truth is based on

science. The muscle test is a technique that comes from
field of applied kinesiology. In a sense, the test
muscular is like asking your subconscious mind a
ask with words and get a physical response from your
body. The muscle test shows that our
bodies respond to words in a way that they do not
we are always aware of or in control of it, similar to
what happens when we are sitting in traffic and
we verbally call it 'the hell on earth'.

Exercise

Do this now: Test yourself with a sentence that

it's false (you'll need someone to assist you). Put your arm
horizontally in front of your chest, keep it firm
right and raise your hand. Have a friend push your
Arm down. Your job is to resist this pressure,
keep your arm as strong as you can and do not allow
let them bring you down. Once you have established your strength
now say out loud phrases that are true as they are:

I am a woman or My name is Amanda, and repeat it

push exercise.
 You will notice that your arm remains very strong and straight.
when you say something that is positive or true.

Now repeat the exercise by saying something that is

obviously false, like: "I am a man" or "My name
is Voltarol

When you say something negative and incorrect, your body

it will have a weak response —your arm will not be able to
resist the pressure of the person who is pushing you.

However, if you say something true, your body will have

a strong response and will be able to withstand.

Remember that words are powerful and that your mind

is always listening. Every word you say is
transform into a representation in which your mind and
body works to find it and transform it into you
reality. The most powerful force within you is that you must act
in a way that consistently matches your thinking.
Una vez que tienes prueba de esto se hace fácil poner más
pay attention to your words and make your words more positive,
so that you are positively influencing the
representation in which you are constantly working.
This is something wonderful to do with the children because it
truly teaches the power of their own words and
thoughts.

The muscle test works with anyone. If you want

test the truth that your mind responds to the
words you tell him, try the next exercise:

Exercise
 Using your own fingers, create a circle by joining your
thumb with your index finger on one hand.

I want you to start pulling in the opposite direction of the circle.

with your thumb and index finger of the other hand, just so you can see
that you are very strong. Keep pulling and resisting in
against the circle you made and at the same time speak out loud
high

I am super successful and extraordinary. I am super successful and

extraordinary

Note how the circle remains intact because you

resistance is strong.

Now I want you to say:

I am a loser and I ruin everything. I am a loser and I

I ruin everything

What happens when you say 'I'm a loser. I'm a

Loser. 'I ruin everything' means you are losing your strength.
You grab. Then say again, 'I am extraordinary. I am'
successful. I am wonderful.” Every muscle in your body is
responding to the words you say and to the thoughts
What do you think?

The lesson, of course, is to be much more careful.

with what you think and the words you use.

This exercise is even better if you have another person.

taking against your closed fingers while you say
both positive and negative sentences.
Throw away the old instruction manual.
from your mind
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listening very closely to our words to inform you
our physical actions and how we feel, what
What can we do with this information? The answer is
profound.

Think about something in your life that has always...

caused conflict, pain or stress. Perhaps it is losing weight—
something we will discuss throughout Chapter 7 —which
It seems that you sabotage no matter how hard you try. Or
perhaps you get extremely nervous at the idea of
speaking in public, even though your inability to do so is
preventing achieving a promotion. Perhaps you cannot maintain
a new habit like writing every day or doing
exercise, despite the fact that your conscious mind loves the idea
to establish this habit.

The reason for these obstacles that we all have of

adults are more likely to be due to old instructions
that your mind ever received. Let's use the example of
public speaking.

One of the things I have learned during my decades

the fear of speaking in front of a
the audience —whether 20 people or 2000 —is the greatest fear
commonality that human beings have. This is because the
Speaking in public carries with it an inherent vulnerability.
the risk of being rejected and the ostracism of the crowd. And
do you remember what all of us on the planet are
trying to avoid? The rejection.

For the people who would do anything to avoid standing up

in front of a crowd becoming vulnerable, there is
frequently an incident or a series of them in your
past where they were mocked, or bothered or
they felt rejected. Perhaps they forgot about the lines of the
work in the school's talent contest and its
They bothered the companions. Perhaps they had some.
speech impediment when they were children and were
called to speak unfairly by a teacher who
I hoped to cure this impediment. Or maybe they never did.
they felt accepted by their friends and colleagues since
they were children, and as adults they desperately want
minimize any opportunity in which they could be
rejected again. Now, 30 years later, there is no
schoolmates who mock and their inability to
being able to give a presentation without being nervous, sweating
and stuttering, it is what currently causes them pain and
it prevents them from getting a salary increase. However,
once again, the brain is doing what it thinks you
do you want me to do: avoiding the pain of rejection by avoiding
speak in public at any cost.

Do you want another proof that your mind listens to your

words like instructions? Just look at this
behavior from a positive perspective. Think about
the way in which American Marines can
running mile after mile wearing heavy boots and
hauling heavy equipment, with a feeling of
tranquility and even enjoyment. They can do this
because of the camaraderie and positivity they create while singing
slogans and motivational songs while walking with
difficulty from the mud makes their brains think that they
they want to be there. Suddenly, running ten miles in
severe conditions do not cause them pain, but rather,
valor and honor. Similarly, observe how someone can
happily sit down to tattoo their entire body. They
they ignore the pain because they have told their mind what they want
the final product. Your mind does not see this pain as a
threatens their survival or security, so play
happily and allows them to be pricked by needles without fleeing.

Once you realize that your mind responds to

the detailed instructions you give through your own
internal and external dialogue, you can use this information to
your benefit. However, I want to be clear: this is not about
of the 'power of positive thinking', where it instructs to the
people just pretend that everything is rosy and
perfect in the face of fears, phobias, and adversity. More
Well, it's about giving your mind a better communication.
specific, direct, and updated about those fears,
phobias and challenges.

When this logic is applied, your daily journey is "twisted"

and full of nightmares" transforms into a "challenge
inconvenient, but surmountable.” The Sunday afternoon that you
you miss a party for being at home working on your
accounts or writing a proposal does not have to be 'the
the last thing you feel like doing," but it can be
an opportunity to get ahead and feel prepared for the
next week". The new dialogue you give to your mind
it doesn't have to be unrealistic or a fantasy—after all, to
nobody likes being in traffic or missing a weekend
fun week—but, yes, it has to be a reassessment of
your current reality. Unless your life is really down
threat, do not give your mind the signals that it needs
dive into a fight or flight mode every time something
it didn't go as planned.

It can often seem absolutely

discouraging to change habits and patterns of
thought that we have had all our lives. Me
I like to think of it as 'updating our software'. Thus
like our laptops and phones
cell phones have errors and vulnerabilities that
programmers solve with each new update of
software, our mind does the same. If you don't update
your computer becomes vulnerable to viruses and starts to
function slowly and inefficiently. The same can be said
from your mind. When you feel there is a conflicting point in
your life—and no matter what it is—it's useful to find the cause
principal or the information that is outdated. Find out
that allows you to update the instructions you give to your
mind, just as you update your software.

In this sense, hypnosis can be immensely useful.

since it can take you quickly and effectively to the moment
where did you give your mind these useless beliefs and
outdated, and thus be able to reverse them. A useful measure when
it is about updating our beliefs that takes between
twenty-one days to let go of an old belief and
replace it with a new and better one. In the big scheme of
things, that's not much time for a belief in the
that you have clung to for thirty years. So, give yourself some time.
to instill the new instructions you have for your
mind.

For all those who have fought to overcome

negative and useless belief systems that can hold you back
leave feeling depressed, anxious, sad, isolated, as well as
also have a physical impact on your body, the
knowledge that your own mind is capable of change
these beliefs very quickly once you know how
(and this book shows you how) is very good news. Your
life will never be perfect —none is —but, the way
how do you respond to imperfection and adversity that
appears on your path may be more sophisticated than that of
a caveman being chased by a tiger
saber teeth. Give your mind readable information,
reasonable, updated and without drama that is needed for
keep your problems and challenges in perspective, and
you will find that your life becomes much easier and more
pleasant. Never forget, you create your beliefs and habits—and
then they create you. So, choose wisely and give to
your mind improves instructions so that I know better how
respond

CHAPTER 2
Why Babies Are Not Afraid of Flying

The feeling that cannot find its expression in

tears can make other organs cry.
Henry Maudsley, Psychiatrist

When I am about to board a plane, I always look

There are some babies in the waiting room around me.
Hey, I love observing the way they are taken to the
airplane with little or no knowledge and unaware of the
made to be launched thousands of feet in the air in
an aluminum tube. Like almost all children, they are that
beautiful mix of defenseless and carefree. They have
a blind trust in their parents or caregivers and, thus, not
they have no reason to think that they are being taken
something that they should fear.

When I have clients who feel scared of flying, like

it is common, I encourage them to do this as well.
observation exercise. Examine how babies
behave in some circumstances where adults
they have problems is instructive in many ways. The
The reason for this is that babies still have something with them.
that we all were born, but that we often lose: the
birthright of trust. Unless they are
with pain or discomfort, babies do not cry. They do not create
false realities do not reflect what the future will bring, no
they feel fear of things that have not yet happened, be it a
plane crash, an exam or a presentation in the
work. They simply judge their feelings by it
What is happening to them exactly at this moment.

Here is a secret for you, one that could change your life.
life: you can also be that way.

It's so simple, but true. Everything you feel is the

result of only two things:

The images you create in your head.

2. Las palabras que te dices a ti mismo.

What most people don't understand is that

you have the power and total control to choose words and
better images—not just sometimes, but all the time
time. This is what very successful people do
naturally because they already understand that we have the
the power to create these words and images —you are it
constantly doing it without even realizing it. After
Above all, we all talk to ourselves.
continuously and fill our minds with images. In
What I am helping you with is to fill your mind with better things.
words and images and to consequently note the best
response you receive.

Frequently, when a person is afraid of

to fly is because he is afraid of losing control. The fact that
that they get involved in other activities daily that
involve a risk (like driving a car or crossing the street)
they don't care. Fear does not follow a process of
logical thinking for most people, so
Even the most convincing statistics do not apply here.
The lack of control triggers a series of mental images
negatives in the brain. I have heard clients who are
fearful passengers refer to an airplane as 'a coffin'
"flyer" and a "death trap". With words and
mental images as strong and specific as those do not
It's no surprise they are afraid to board the plane!

Here is another secret: the physical experience of anxiety and

stress - accelerated heart rate, feeling of butterflies,
inability to focus —is almost identical to the experience
to be excited. When you feel nervous, you can
choose the emotion and instruct your mind about the
feelings that you are experiencing. For a woman
afraid to travel, she can easily convince her
mind that is on a roller coaster in a park of
diversions, and suddenly, the prospect of flying goes from being
associated with death to be associated with the days of
childhood in Disneyland. She still has no control over
what happens, but the terrifying images of losing the
they have gone out of control. This is the reason why
I often say that avoiding strong phobias like this is
as simple as what I call the method of 'lying, doing'
cheat and steal

Lie to your mind, trick the fear and steal from

return to the phenomenal confidence with which you were born.

Now, I know what you're thinking: this is too much

too good to be true. How can someone who is
terrified of flying just turning the script around - "no
I am in a flying coffin, I'm on a ride in a
roller coaster! — and reverse years of fear of flying. It can
unlikely sonar, until you consider that this type of
Mental tricks surround us every day. You are experiencing them.
doing it without even realizing it.

Take, for example, a cheeseburger. Four

people can have extraordinarily feelings
different towards this cheeseburger, despite the
fact that their bodies could have more or less the same
reaction to her: digest it. Someone with a disorder
eating could feel a lot of fear at the idea of eating
a cheeseburger full of calories, while
Someone who is vegetarian might feel it as an offense.
outraged by the ethics of eating an animal. Similarly,
a Hindu might feel immense sadness that a being
sacred has been killed to transform into food, and a
hungry carnivore that hasn't eaten all day
could feel enthusiasm and joy. All these people
they biologically have the same relationship with the
cheeseburger: their bodies crave fat and the
calorically dense food that we are conditioned to
enjoy because, as we will discuss in more detail in the
Chapter 6, these foods were scarce at times when
we were hunter-gatherers. However, the image that
each of these people has built is drastically
different and that image directly informs how it
they feel about the hamburger.

Another example is the well-documented placebo effect. If

someone thinks their body is receiving medicine
healing or curative, your body will be part of the work of
make the patient feel better, even if all they are
receiving sugar pills. This is not a fantasy,
is a well-documented effect that proves that your brain
He has a tremendous power that is dependent on what he believes.
Do you need another example? How about a needle: an addict to the
heroin has no problem being injected with a needle
on his arm because he has associated it with something that
desperately wants and needs. In the meantime,
many other people can hardly be vaccinated
by a nurse and much less do it themselves. The
the needle itself is skeptical of our feelings and has the
same physical effect on all of us. Its power over
It lies in how we think about it.
 One of my favorite scientific examples that documents
the idea that the words and images we tell ourselves
we are informed of our reality, it comes from
from the education sector. Numerous studies have
shown that, if teachers are told that their
students are "gifted", the way they teach you
to those children change and thus the overall results of the
class improved. Of course, students do not have to
being gifted, they can be a mix of students
average, below average, and gifted. However, if the
teachers believe that children are gifted, the results
General conditions for all students will improve.

A prestigious study was conducted by the psychologist

Robert Rosenthal in the 1960s. Public Radio
National of America wrote about its innovative
conclusions: "As Rosenthal did more
research found that the expectations of the
teachers affect moment-to-moment interactions
with the students they teach in nearly a thousand ways
invisible. The teachers give the students that they
They hope to have more time to respond successfully.
questions, more specific feedback, and more
approval: they consistently touch, nod, and smile
more to these children.”} assistant to=python codeimport json # Provided text to translate text_to_translate =

Lie, cheat, and steal

If you can lie to your brain about a hamburger
of cheese, or a needle, or a tablet of sugar, also
You can do it with the most important things in your life.

The first thing you really need to understand to

lie, cheat and steal your way to a happy mind and
a happy you is this:
 If you use the wrong words, you create reality
mistaken.

Most people do not realize that

they have a choice regarding this because as humans,
unfortunately, we are programmed to be in
in tune with what could go wrong. The reason is because it was
evolutionarily beneficial for us to do that. As
Oliver Burkeman once wrote in The Guardian: "This is
what makes bad news especially irresistible:
In our evolutionary past, it was very good that your attention
could easily be caught up by negative information,
since it could well indicate an imminent risk to your own
survival. (The cave dweller who always assumed
that there was a lion behind the next rock usually
I was wrong, but it was much more likely that
survived and reproduced than the one who always assumed it
opposite)”. That is the exact reason why it is easier to be
negative than positive; there was a time when we had more
probabilities of survival if we were negative. Even today
we could say that putting on the seatbelt is
negative because it means we are waiting to crash,
but the belt is making us more susceptible to
survive. The very good news is that no longer
we need to be negative to survive. We can choose
be positive and choose to have a happier and more productive life.

There is an imminent risk to our survival.

the turn of every corner —flying, for example, is
statistically safer than crossing a street in the
city —but, our brains still believe it is
truth. However, here's the thing that everyone
successful has discovered: we can actively choose
counteract our tendency to expect the worst and instead,
hope for the best (or at least a more manageable version)
of what we are really going through). Whether it is a dismissal
from work, a flight, or an unexpected illness,
you cannot largely control the external forces that
they influence your life, but you can choose your beliefs,
words and the mindset with which you respond to these
factors. This is not fantasy or positive thinking without
meaning. The reason that this seems "so good for
It's true that the vast majority of people are going to
throughout his life without knowing this.

I frequently have clients and readers who tell me:

sure Marisa, changing beliefs through visualization
different images may work for other people, but
"It doesn't work for me. I've tried it." Sometimes to those people
I tell you: "Well, how lucky you are! That means that always
You are free from fear, anxiety, and shame. Given that all
those emotions come from negative visualizations.
Supposedly, they soon realize that they are all day long.
visualizing realities in their lives —"I'm going to ruin that,
this job is so stressful, my children are driving me crazy
"Crazy, this plane is going to crash" - they don’t realize that
These visualizations are affecting them negatively.

Just as we learned from the carefree baby in the room

waiting: you cannot worry if you do not visualize images
negatives in your head. Some people believe that they do not
you can visualize nothing, but you would never find your car in
a parking lot, not even your way back home if
you couldn't visualize. All of us visualize
continuously —all you have to do is visualize
better visualizing positive results. That's all it can
dramatically improve your level of happiness.

Most likely, you are already lying to your mind.

in a negative way, so let's look at an example of how
You can use this technique to influence your life
positively. I used to have a client who was very
simply, completely overwhelmed with her life. Her
children were dominant, her husband useless, and her job the
I felt overworked and undervalued every day.
As the session went on, I paid close attention to the
language that she was using. She repeated:
I can't face this. I can't deal with my children.
spoiled ones, I cannot confront the impossibility that it is
my job, I can't deal with the constant chaos there is in
my house.

After she finished speaking, I pointed out to her that

I frequently used the phrase: 'I can't handle it.'
Immediately she broke down: "My God, my mother used to
"saying that constantly." This client had inherited that.
phrase and by extension, that belief, from her mother, and not
was taking responsibility for the words and the
images that she was choosing. As a result, she
she had convinced herself that she could not cope
with their life.

So, we replace that phrase: 'I can't deal' with

I have a phenomenal skill for
face anything.” Every time she started to
feeling overwhelmed in her life, I taught her to tell herself
say it out loud: "I have a phenomenal ability to
"face anything." This subtle change slowly the
made believe that this phrase was true. By using words
different, she created a different image. In some
weeks later she returned feeling much less overwhelmed
for their life, succeeding in their work, and getting along better
with her children and husband, who noticed a change in her.
But her life had not changed completely —her beliefs
about her life had indeed changed, which made her more
bearable. She was a perfect example of the fact that
to have a low performance you have to fill your mind
with negative thoughts and images, and to excel
you just have to do the opposite.

Realize that I did not teach my client to say

something that was not true. His work was difficult, and his children were
a challenge. But by changing the openly negative: 'my
Work is a hell, my children are disrespectful and behave badly.
"my" to a more neutral and realistic version of the facts: "my
work is demanding at times and my children can be a
challenge, but I have a phenomenal skill to
confront them,” you create feelings less loaded with
emotion towards these situations. This is not about power
about positive thinking and pretending that everything is colorful
in pink. This is about actively rethinking events
of your life to reflect a different and more realistic image.

So, "I'm late again, I really messed it up,

everything is going to go wrong today" transforms into: "I prefer to be
the time, but I can still do this. I can make progress in my
day in a manageable way.” With the last sentence you are not
pretending that you are Superman Superwoman, but not that
you are encouraging yourself not to expect the worst.

One of my clients had a phobia that was so extreme

who was hospitalized. When she was discharged, as
as part of her outpatient treatment, she attended therapy for
group and would sit in a circle with other patients and each
one of them had to say something positive. Afterwards I
he was saying that they all said something along the lines of: "today
vi algunos narcisos y me sentí mejor”. Cuando le tocó su
then she followed the example and said: "the butterflies make me
feel calm," or something similar. I told her I was not
giving your mind a clear direction to reduce your
anxiety and in the next therapy session, when it would be due.
speak, I asked him to say "I have a great skill for
face anything," and then, "I have a skill
"an example to face anything" and then, "I have
an exceptional ability to face anything.

She not only told me that she felt much better, but
what other patients asked him if they could share their
message and then the therapist wrote those words in the
blackboard and commented that this group was having the
faster recovery.

This was, of course, because they gave their mind

clear instructions. Saying out loud to themselves
and for others, "I have an extraordinary skill for
"face anything," gives the mind an instruction and
very clear directions; it gives you the diagram to move towards
something, while saying "I like butterflies" does not
What you present to your mind, your mind gives you
will bring back to you. And it all starts with your words,
which you have the power to change.

You will remember that in the Introduction I talked about the three
types of clients I see. Taking responsibility for the
words and the images in your head is perhaps the most
large that separates the first two types —those who do not
they have what they want—from those in the third group: those who do
They have. The fact is that most of the clients I see
Every day they are not aware of how they feel
about the world around him is influenced by the
elections they are making.

Exercise

What I want you to do is give a name to your voice.

internal, what that internal voice is. Personify it as a type of
a villain if necessary, but the point of this trick is to see
that your thoughts are not intrinsically part of you.
 They are an external force that you can remove from your
lying mind

Oh, here comes the Joker again, returning when not.

we need it.

By taking it out of your mental patterns you are

recognizing that you have power over them
thoughts.

By accepting that your negativity doesn't have to be who you are.

you are, but rather, an unhealthy habit from which you
you can undo, you can start to replace the Joker
for something more. You can even give it a name like Susi or
Kevin. The ability to recognize it, laugh at it and, most importantly
The most important thing is that changing it is very transformative.

It is important to provide my readers with practical ways.

to implement these changes. When it comes to
lying to your mind, it can be useful to personify the
useless thoughts and the way you talk to yourself
same—what you might call your internal chatter. So,
let's say that every time you start trying to change your
negative thought patterns, your mind takes over
and insists on reintroducing negativity and the words and
useless images in your head.

Who could that other thing be? Just as I did with my

client who insisted that they could not deal with anything in their
life, pay close attention to the words and phrases that
you constantly tell yourself. Once you have
having identified some repeat offenders, ask yourself: would you talk to them?
like this to your best friend? Would you say: 'oh, you always do it'
ruining everything”, “you have no cure”, or “you really have
overloaded a lot, you will never be able to do it
everything
 Most likely, if you are a good friend, you do not
you would dream of telling her those things; you would be kind and encouraging and
helpful. As a friend, you could say: 'life is not
perfect, but we all do the best we can," or
I am sure that you will be able to get through this, and I will help you.
do it.” So, ask yourself what would happen if you
you choose to talk to yourself the way you would with a
friend. Be kind and encouraging and supportive of yourself and you
you will be surprised at how easy the world you
surrounds.

Let's imagine a day in your life before you implement

a better dialogue with yourself:

ot ratdnsraorrehm
inktoiol,ptuueoY
g
to criticize and scold you because you forgot to sew the hem of
your dress. You don’t just say, "I should have sewn the hem and
now I don't have time" and you add "I'm an idiot, I'm a
loser, this shirt looks very tight. I should have
lost weight. I have no remedy, I am pathetic, a
waste of space, etc.

You look in the fridge and see that the food is gone.
healthy and you only have the option to eat carbohydrates and
sugar, so for the second time in ten minutes you call yourself
yourself an idiot, a fool, a silly person, a stupid.

As your morning progresses, you tell yourself

more names for forgetting to charge your phone / for not
leave enough time to get to your destination/ for not having the
appropriate amount of change for your trip / for not preparing yourself
good for your meeting / for not doing a job it
good enough in the office / for yelling at a colleague /
for not eating a healthy snack and when your meeting
you finish work late and eat pizza. On your way home, you punish yourself.
for leaving very late to avoid traffic / you get upset for not going to the
gym because you are too tired to go, very tired
 to cook so you eat cereal and you criticize yourself even more for
being weak, a loser out of shape. Finally, that cute
the person you have been chatting with online ignores you
tonight and you justify it by adding 'I knew this
What do I have to offer someone like him/her?
He must have gotten bored of me, so I'm not surprised.
I am useless, fat, and stupid.

You might think I'm exaggerating, but the clients

they come to sit in my chair and I ask them, 'how was it'
"your weekend?" and they often respond, "really bad, my..."
My date canceled. I know it's because they found someone else.
better this way than I ate like a pig non-stop all weekend
a week and now I am the size of a house. I am a mess and
a chaos. None of this is true; the quote may have been
realized their low self-esteem and having
discouraged by that (both sexes find that the
confidence is immensely sexy and being needy is
(passions) or perhaps they had to deal with a crisis.
Regardless, the customer couldn't have eaten non-stop the whole time
el fin de semana, no comieron como un chancho, ellos no
they are the size of a house or a big mess or chaos, but
when you describe yourself like this, you predispose yourself to
feeling bad, and that is so painful and so unnecessary.

Imagine now that it wasn't you, but your best friend.

the one who speaks to you like this and the one who threw those names at you

hurtful labels insulting you all day and every day.

Wouldn't you like to kick him out of your life for
always and look for new friends?

flesruoydnteirfrettoeabuotym
roefits' tI
same ending with all the self-criticism and the
nicknames.

You can choose to be negative and critical about yourself.

the same or positive and full of compliments. You don't know, and of
the fact does not matter to him, whether what you say is right or wrong,
good or bad, true or false, useful or very useless —
just let him in. The job of your mind is to act
based on the words you tell him and use those words
to form a representation that helps you move forward. Your
work is giving your mind much more powerful words,
descriptive and positive. Tumente is doing its job,
So do yours and give better instructions all the
time.

One more thing—you do have a choice, we always have.

one option. You can choose to be negative, use a language
negative and feel horrible because of it, or you can choose to be
positive, use positive language and notice that your life
improvement. But, the only thing you can't choose is the effect.
that negative thoughts have in your mind and you
body, the diseases, the anxiety and the stress that you
inadvertently inflicts upon yourself by giving your mind
consistently negative instructions through the use
of negative words.

With all these techniques, it is important to note that the

Repetition is what makes the difference. My client didn't say
I have a phenomenal ability to deal with anything
thing" only five times and found that her life changed from the
night to morning. She used the phrase as a tool
switch every time she felt her mind drifting away
in negative thought patterns. At the moment when
she felt that she had already improved, she had already said the phrase in
out loud hundreds of times—just as she had used it before
like a screen on her mobile phone, she had written it in her
mirror, in his car —and it had become true. You repeat
negative thoughts in your head all day and it
They come back, right? The good news is that the repetition of
Encouraging phrases are as powerful as repetition of
negative sentences, so make sure to give it a
opportunity for the first ones so they can really
notice before you give up using them.

You could just say them, but the benefits of writing them down and
read them, set them as your wallpaper, put them in your
alerts on your mobile phone and change your passwords for
let them say 'I have a phenomenal ability to deal with'
"Anything" will give you better results
constantly. With that number of repetitions and
mental absorption, they will fixate and nourish you like cream to the
dry skin.

I truly believe that each one of us has the

ability to turn that baby in the waiting room: to have
a phenomenal confidence and the absence of fear or
concern about what will happen next. You
you came into the world just like this, and I promise you that not
You need to undergo years of therapy to bring that back.
You just need to take responsibility for the words and the
images in your head. Once you do it, your life will never
it will be the same again.

CHAPTER 3
Why Don't You Want To Be The Winner Of The
Lottery

Once you replace negative thoughts with

positive thoughts, you will start to see results
positives.
Willie Nelson, Musician

One of the things you learn as a therapist is that,

deep down, most people want the same things
things. They want love, in the form of a relationship
consolidated. They want security, usually in the form of
money and social relationships. And they desire success, or the feeling
that they have made a contribution and that they have achieved something.
But, alongside that, one learns something else: that, although the
the majority of people want these things,
they often act in a way that goes against
obtain them.

If not, how do you explain the people who insist that they want
to get married, but they repeatedly engage in romantic relationships
with abusive people, unavailable or not committed?
Or those who insist that they want to be free from
debts on their credit cards and then go and buy a
brilliant new watch or a car and new clothes every time
can they? These actions don't make much sense unless
understand another of the fundamental truths of the mind
humana. This truth is that when the mind is left to its
own desires, the mind rejects what is unknown and
return to what is familiar.

To be honest, this can be quite a part

frustrating to be a therapist. You want to see your clients
achieving love, success, and money, but they seem to insist
in going after the opposite. Now, as in most of the
things, if we go back to our evolutionary origins,
then this starts to make more sense. After
everything, when we lived in tribal times, to venture into
our account would have undoubtedly been risky. In
absence of the comforts of modernity that we have
Today, we were not capable of surviving on our own.
tells how we are today; we needed our own
tribe to help us obtain food, shelter, and connection.
In addition, the neighboring tribe could have been hostile or harbored
dangerous predators against whom we were unaware
defend ourselves. In fact, clinging to the familiar is what we
kept alive.
plane crash, an exam or a presentation in the
work. They simply judge their feelings by it
What is happening to them exactly at this moment.

Here is a secret for you, one that could change your life.
life: you can also be that way.

It's so simple, but true. Everything you feel is the

result of only two things:

The images you create in your head.

2. Las palabras que te dices a ti mismo.

What most people don't understand is that

you have the power and total control to choose words and
better images not just sometimes, but all the time
time. This is what very successful people do
naturally because they already understand that we have the
the power to create these words and images you are it
constantly doing it without even realizing it. After
Above all, we all talk to ourselves.
continuously and fill our minds with images. In
What I am helping you with is to fill your mind with better things.
words and images and to consequently note the best
response you receive.

Frequently, when a person is afraid of

to fly is because he is afraid of losing control. The fact that
that they get involved in other activities daily that
involve a risk (like driving a car or crossing the street)
they don't care. Fear does not follow a process of
logical thinking for most people, so
Even the most convincing statistics do not apply here.
The lack of control triggers a series of mental images
negatives in the brain. I have heard clients who are
fearful passengers refer to an airplane as 'a coffin'
"flyer" and a "death trap". With words and
that the familiar begins with repetition—and then comes the
reward.

This logic can be applied to much more things

more important than coffee and tea. Even our familiarity
with traditional gender roles shapes our
behavior. According to the research, girls as young as
only six years are less likely to think that
members of their own kind can be
intellectually bright. This has nothing to do with
the innate ability. Rather, it is a reflection of the way in
that our society and pop culture shape many
men in power—ranging from politicians to executives in high positions
jobs up to superheroes in movies— while
women tend to support roles that are simply
complementary to "brilliant" men. Men
powerful and brilliant are culturally familiar; the
Powerful and brilliant women are not so much.

How the researchers discovered and published in the

Science magazine, January 2017 edition: 'These
stereotypes discourage the search on the part of the
women from many prestigious careers —that is, the
women are underrepresented in fields that
members appreciate brilliance (such as physics and the
philosophy). At six years old, girls start to avoid the
activities that are said to be for the children that are
very, very intelligent.
notions of brilliance of the genre are acquired in a way
early and have an immediate effect on the interests of
the children.

In essence, the model of femininity that becomes

familiar for six-year-old girls is not one of scientists,
inventors and physicists. Sadly, this means that the level
intellectual aspiration is not familiar to girls and,
therefore, it is less likely that they will pursue it.

We often see the meta-levels of this dynamic.

in our society. For example, before Barack
Obama was elected president, young African Americans
they did not perceive that it was possible for them to be president at any time
day. Studies showed that they didn't even aspire to that.
But, after two terms of his administration, the idea of
a black president has become familiar in the minds of
many African American youth, therefore, respond
more and more want to grow to be president when
a survey is conducted for them. This is a nationwide change
which occurred over the course of a few years.

This may sound like a reason to despair. If

wealth, success, and love are not familiar to you due to
your family background or the history in which you do not
you were part of the election, how can you overcome this and
finding happiness by yourself? However, there are
good news:

We can actively choose to make things

relatives we don't want in our lives stop being
relatives.

In addition, we can choose to make things

unknowns that we want to become familiar.
In fact, studies repeatedly show that our
familiarity with certain feelings is not fixed; we are
constantly relearning what is familiar. You must
start the behavior —for example, go to the gym or
take your coffee without sugar—and you must repeat to yourself time and again
once again, “I will make this familiar,” and you will.
Feast and famine
Uno de los otros ejemplos donde vemos que esta verdad
it manifests in such a predictable way with the winners
from the lottery. At first glance, it would be hard to find someone
who doesn't want to win the lottery. It seems like the ideal situation: to be
able to do whatever you want without having to worry about
the cost. But then, why do so many winners end up
worse economically a few years after winning the
big prize?

As reported in The Atlantic magazine: "A

A survey conducted by Camelot Group revealed that things
most popular in which the British spent their
profits were relatively attractive: properties, cars
and vacations. Similarly, a study often
cited from 35,000 lottery winners in Florida found
That 1,900 winners declared bankruptcy in a
a five-year period, and that, although the great infusion of
cash reduced the probability of bankruptcy during the
the first two years of winning, increased the probabilities of
bankruptcy in the next three to five years.

The reason for this is that lottery winners do not

they are accustomed to the feeling of being
financially carefree. If you have never had
money, you don’t know what it feels like to invest, save, or have
money available at the end of the month.

What is more familiar to you is receiving your salary at the end.

of my month and then spend most of it until only you
the last dollars remain in the days leading up to the reception
from your new payment. The feeling of having money set aside in
the bank is not familiar to you, and that's why you don't do it, even
when you have much more money.
 This is, unfortunately, one of the reasons why
why our society is so unequal. Because of the
rich children grow up in families where the resources of the
wealth is familiar to them, it is more likely that they
also be predisposed to be rich. This is not due to
that they necessarily receive an inheritance (although
some do it) but because the concept itself of
wealth and having a lot of money are familiar to them.

In fact, in my experiences with my clients throughout

Over the years, I have discovered that your attitude towards finances
and the shortage of money can be one of the most
difficult to change. The reason for this, of course, is that
People think they have a problem with money.
when in reality they have a problem with scarcity.
They may have a deep belief that says, 'there will never be
sufficient" or "I don't deserve to have everything I want" or "everything
what I have, I will eventually lose it." They will never ask for a
salary increase (even if they deserve it) and always
they will fight to save significantly. But the great
irony —one that we see in the research on the
lottery winners described above— is that their
money problems can almost never be resolved with
more money.

So, how can we change it? I have discovered

that my clients have great success when making a change
fundamental in the way they think about money and to
rephrase it as something completely different. You will see,
we form a relationship with money very early on
our life, generally observing the relationship of
our parents with him. So, it doesn't matter if we win
a lot or little money, that relationship shapes our
Monetary beliefs. What would happen if we rethought the thing?
with which we have that relationship? It's not money, it's energy.
When establishing a new relationship with something new, we can
getting rid of our old beliefs and making a
new familiar.

Exercise

The easiest way to see how this works is to write

all our limiting beliefs and long-held beliefs about
money. Common phrases that appear are:

I can never earn enough money

I can't save money
Money seems to slip through my fingers
Money doesn't grow on trees, it only comes through
corruption and the struggle
I do not deserve more money
I am not worth more money
Spiritual people do not chase money
That I obtain more means that others obtain less.

Now, once you have written those beliefs, change

money for energy

I can never gain enough energy

I cannot save energy
The energy seems to slip through my fingers
Energy doesn't grow on trees, it only comes through
of corruption and the struggle
I don't deserve more energy
I am worth no more energy
Spiritual people do not pursue energy.
There is enough energy for everyone

You will find that the following exercise is very useful:

 For some reason, once we make this change,
Those phrases don't sound so convincing, do they? Once
what makes the idea of money more familiar as a
renewable resource (our energy and personal production),
we see that money can appear and disappear a lot
more easily. It has less power over us because it
we see it as a direct result of our own
efforts, instead of something we have to fight for and
to fight.

This idea of money as a more fluid resource is something

that people who have a lot of money tend to believe. Give
and receive money easily; they understand that there is a
dynamism in money, that the coming and going is part of its
nature. Although sometimes they may have less
Cash flow, they never necessarily feel 'poor'.
In fact, just as we can be sure that afterwards
from each exhalation there will come an inhalation, you are sure of
they can receive money with the same ease with which they
they get rid of him.

Once they know this, they also have less

problems in requesting a higher salary in response
to their 'energy'. They ask for raises when they know that
it feels fair. They set rates with their clients, knowing that
the right customers will be willing to pay and those who
They won't fit, they'll go elsewhere. They say no to the.
projects that are not worth your time or effort to give way to
projects that are bigger, more ambitious (and
profitable). When they have an unexpected gain, they do not
they feel the need to get rid of her quickly.

In other words, they make the concept of money familiar.

(or energy) as a fluid and dynamic resource, and do not accept
the idea that they will never have enough; they only ask for more. You
you can also do that, not just with money but with
everything that causes you pain or difficulties.

Choose what to do with family and what not to do with family.

Once I had a client who had had so many

failed relationships that he was embarrassed to tell her about
new prospects about your romantic past. I did not have
sense, this woman was beautiful, intelligent, and totally
autosuficiente financieramente. Pero, aun así, una y otra vez
she pursued men who put her second
they would not 'appear' in a way that showed that
they really cared about her.

Meanwhile, this woman was trying to win them over and

persuade them to stay by being too attentive,
helpful and anxious to please them. This only pushed them away.
even more, since they were irritated by her enthusiasm and treated her
even worse. To be honest, it was very sad to see that this
would happen. After each failed relationship, she felt
so disappointed in herself that she ended up internalizing
the insults that the ex-partner had instilled in him/her.

I asked this client, as is my usual practice,

who described his relationship with his father. He was a man
very unhappy, often came home drunk in the afternoon
and took over the house promptly, demanding things from
his mother and often having fits of rage. He would tell her
derogatory things about my client and belittled her
routinely if it was not absolutely perfect. To the
the following morning, after these bouts of drunkenness, he
I simply pretended like nothing had happened and had breakfast.
as if everything were okay again. She had learned, to
over the years, to overcome these episodes of fear with
the hope that everything would return to normal in the
tomorrow. This cycle of emotional highs and lows became very
familiar to her.

When I heard about this story, I told my client: 'Your

father used to humiliate you, diminishing your feelings, you
I didn't know when I was drunk, but then everything was
Well the next day if you didn't cause any problems. And guess what
What? Now you choose the guy who makes you feel in a way
similar.” She quickly realized that this was
true. His friends often cannot see what it is that the
attracts these undesirable men, and often
they comment that they cannot see any quality in them that
she redeemed them. But, of course, my client wasn't pursuing it so much.
the personality of these men, like the pattern that
they represented. It had often been heard to say to oneself
"I feel like I've known him my whole life," upon meeting.
a new man. Because, of course, she knew him. He
I was falling in love with the familiar, although the familiar was a
terrible choice for her. The mind not only wants to go back to
what is familiar, but we also like to recreate
scenarios that remind us of our childhood, but
giving it a happy ending. That's why I have gone after
men like your father, but trying to make the
amen and respect him in a way that he never did.
Life is too short to keep trying to change
the end. We need to change the beginning, so instead
to find someone cold and try to make them kind,
start with someone kind, that makes life much more
easy.

This client needed to become familiar with being praised.

appreciated and having an equal relationship—instead of
to feel like walking on eggshells
egg, waiting for someone ’s tantrum to pass so that
to be able to solve things once again. He told me that when
I knew men who seemed to respect her and be
emotionally stable, she immediately felt that they were
"too good" for her and discovered that she did not feel
attracted by their stable and consistent personalities. He
I said to replace that dialogue with the phrase: 'No one is'
too good for me; I will make sure to be loved and respected
"sea familiar." Once I recognized the pattern in the
men she was historically attracted to
that reminded him of his father), immediately he would leave
those relationships when I saw signs of that emerging
boss. She had developed a strong aversion to it
familiar (to distance herself from it) because now she knew that it
was hurting. In addition to that, developed a strong
attraction to the type of man who uplifts and praises and that
they are good as couples.

There was another thing my client had to do, familiar

to receive it from the men I was dating:
praise. When I was a girl, I had only heard criticism from
his father, and practically nothing of his submissive mother. Never
she had experienced what it was like to be praised for her
personality or its innate qualities, only through their actions
to please her father, for which she did not feel attracted
for the guys who praised her simply for being herself
same. However, to make the praise be
familiar, she couldn't look outside; she had to
start with herself. I gave her a script to review.
every morning while she was combing her hair in the mirror. She would repeat in
loudly speak the statements of praise that no one else in your
life had told him: 'I am a wonderful and loving couple'
I am attractive and kind, I easily attract and maintain the
love and respect.

Although these phrases may sound arrogant, they are not.

The point here is not to run and proclaim your greatness to the barista.
of the coffee or to your colleagues; the point is to familiarize the sound of
the praises to yourself. The more you repeat this, the more it
you will create and soon discover that you are not attracted to people
that they do not praise you. You must have done the family praise.

I have worked with many highly successful people and one

One thing I noticed about them is that they are very willing to
to tell you out loud, without hesitation, what they are good at. This is
it is due to the fact that praise and self-confidence are given to them
so familiar that it is not uncomfortable for them to say out loud
in what they excel. It doesn't matter if that confidence comes from
having a perfect childhood with encouraging parents or from
internal work they have done on themselves despite
a rotten childhood: anyone can choose to make it
praise be familiar. And indeed, once you do it,
you will discover that it is the best gift you can give yourself.
Introduce commendations for yourself, make it familiar and then you.
it will return you. Very soon, the praise will cease to be
What you do will become what you are.

Start slowly and get familiar with

the pleasure
There are probably areas of your life that you would like
make non-relatives. However, they do not have to be so
important as choosing a life partner. Here is a
example: one of my clients always used to ask for a
hamburger and fries because it cost 8 dollars,
while a salad cost 12 dollars and she
that additional cost was bothersome. And then she learned to do
spend more money on healthy food outside family
and putting trash in their body will not be familiar to them. It
realizing that spending more on good food was
really profitable because I spent less on
medications, weight loss books, and pills.
 If it feels familiar to you to rest after work and
play with your iPad, instead of getting off the train or the
get off one stop earlier and walk the rest of the way while
you listen to music on your iPad. If you sleep until the last
being late to work is familiar for
Take on the challenge of arriving at work five minutes early.
every day for a week. Suddenly the new schedules of the
train and the routine will become familiar and you won't have to
forcing yourself to do it.

Choose one thing that you are going to hold onto during a
week—you can start with something small if that is more
comfortable —drinking coffee without sugar or eating an apple at
mid-morning instead of your usual unhealthy sandwich.
Praise yourself every day instead of criticizing yourself. Put
attention to how it becomes easier every day
What's happening? So, you can start thinking about how
apply what you have learned by making this little thing
it will go from unfamiliar to familiar, and use it in a much idea
bigger: your own assessment, your career potential or
a relationship.

Once you know that it is possible to make familiar what

it was not familiar and vice versa, you can move forward with confidence in
the address of your dreams.

Making shame unfamiliar and the

pain
One of the common problems I have dealt with as
therapists are clients with religious training who
they seem unable to shake some of the habits of
shame that was instilled in them from a very young age. If
Well, religion can certainly be a positive force.
for good in the world, unfortunately, can mutate
and leaving some people with shame and pain
incredible when their family or religious leader has qualified them
like someone who is not 'up to par'.

It is so discouraging to see people whose families them

they have distanced themselves because they no longer agree with the rules
socio-cultural aspects of a specific religion, and
unfortunately, it is very common. But, the good news
these limiting belief systems are not
integrated or innate, they are learned.

Religious or not, many people have beliefs.

values instilled by the family that are no longer useful to them.
Yasea "I'm not a good son" or "I ruined my honor by having
"sexual relations before marriage", these beliefs
they only have power over very familiar types.
to think that your only options to get rid of these
beliefs are years of therapy or a magic skill to
to go back in time and reclaim your childhood. But there is another
a way that takes much less time.

If your habitual shame dates back to childhood, it is

very likely that you are not ashamed. It is likely that you
mother or your father or your grandparents have instilled their own
feeling of shame for not measuring up, and then
that they have made it so familiar to you that you feel as if
outside of yours. It is an unfortunate fact that it is possible
that we learn shame. Just as you can
make a cat or a dog feel embarrassed if you
you shout every time he jumps on the couch, you can make him a
a human feels ashamed if they are not up to the mark
some culturally imposed standard that they are reminded of
constantly.

But you don't have to live with that.

 Try the next exercise:

Exercise

Start saying it out loud:

This is not my fault

It does not belong to me

I can let her go

Imagine guilt in a very heavy suitcase and that it

delivers to the person who gave it to you; imagine the relief that
you feel like you don't have to carry that weight with you.

In other words, give it back to the person who gave it to you.

He/she delivered. They don't have to know that you did it, but the
image of yourself returning your guilt to the person who gave it
what was imposed on you is profoundly liberating.

Once you have given back the blame, it is no longer yours.

and so it is no longer familiar to you. Now you can do
new positive beliefs

For example:

I am a good son
I have an inherent value, it doesn't matter which church I go to.
No one can make me feel inferior

These new beliefs, if you repeat them, will replace the

guilt spiral in which you have lived for so long.

As you look forward in your life, it is certain

that you will find situations that may cause you pain or
anger. To prevent this pain or anger from turning into
shame or in useless belief systems you have to
make sure to express your feelings as closely as possible
possible to the event that produced those feelings. Although not
It is always advisable or possible to express your pain or anger.
to the person who caused it, you always have the option to go to a
private place and express your pain out loud. For example, if
your boss or a family member has upset you, you can lock yourself in the
bathroom and turn on the faucet or flush the toilet to
silence the sound while you say aloud: 'It hurts me that'
my boss takes credit for my work. It hurts me that my
Brother-in-law always criticizes me.

If you say: 'I feel the pain of my sister's lack of will'

to return my call" and then you follow it with: "I am
beloved and I can't feel less because of the behavior
from my sister,” you avoid creating those old useless beliefs and
you recognize that the behavior of another person cannot
make you feel bad about yourself, unless you
you allow it. You have the power to not allow it.

One thing I noticed very early in my career is that

happy and balanced people express their
easily. It's not hard to do, you just have
you get used to saying: 'you hurt my feelings'
when...”. The most effective way is to start with the
compliments: 'I love you, you are my best friend/sister/daughter, etc.,
but it hurt me when you forgot my birthday. I don't want to
hold on to this, so I'm just expressing it to be able to
let him go.

Expressing your pain as close as possible to the event is for

your own benefit, so that you do not cling to those
feelings and do not let them contaminate you. When you cannot
say it out loud because the person who hurt you is your
boss or a difficult relative, you can still say it privately
when you are alone or driving your car. Say out loud
It hurt, just for you, "It hurt... it hurt when...".
it is very effective in eliminating pain and the more it
the more you do, the easier it becomes.

What is wrong with you and also with

everyone else?
In addition to observing my three categories of clients,
I also observed that all my clients only have three.
categories of problems or three things that were wrong with
them. Identify the three things that are wrong with you and
it also gives you an idea and understanding of it with the others.
that influences and affects the people around you and helps you
to cope with their behaviors with a vision that
it benefits everyone. I spoke in previous chapters about
how my clients have an initial problem, but the
the real problem that needs to be addressed is what is found
below. What lies beneath the initial problem of
Any client will always hold one of these three beliefs:

I am not enough. I will cover this in detail in Chapter

Eight.

I want something, but it is not available to me. Many

clients consult with me desperately and wishing to be
free from their problems, but along with the problems—that
include depression, alcoholism, obesity, and lack of success—
there is a fixed belief: "I want to be free from depression,
but I have a depressive gene just like my mom/ I am
desperate to stop drinking, but I come from a family
of alcoholics/ I want to acquire wealth, but I don't have a
university degree. Everyone in my family is a worker
manuals so I don't think it's possible / I want to be sure
about myself, but I was born shy/ nobody can have it all/
I want to speak in public, but I am incapacitated by the
anxiety. The fixed beliefs that my clients have about
of themselves are the biggest obstacles for
Achieve your goals. You undoubtedly have some too.
fixed beliefs and it is very useful to ask yourself: 'What about
What do I believe this? Where did this belief come from? Who gave it to me?
God? Who gave it to them? Why do I still have it?
believing all these years later?" The point of doing this
it's that the moment you start to question a
belief, you no longer consider it true, because as you
you question it, you take it off until it disappears. Many
people who have had dazzling success were not born
in a position where success was available for
they, rather the opposite. Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama,
Meghan Markle found success—the success did not find them.
to them. Everything is available for you and the first step to
Achieving it is to firmly establish that new belief in your mind.
instead of the old one.

I am different, so I can't connect (so it is

hard for me to have love because I am different). The third
a problem that many of my clients face is a
powerful belief that they are different. You can see how
this circular thinking works. The denominator
common to all our emotional problems is that
we feel that we are not enough and we feel different
so we cannot connect. However, our
survival is linked to our need to
connecting us, so it becomes a spiral, a
vicious circle. Because our greatest fear is to be
different, the fact that you think you are different
it means that you are the same as everyone and that everyone is the same
same as you. It is encoded in our genes that
let's be the same as everyone else, instead of standing out
because that could have threatened our survival.
Today it is good to stand out and it doesn't threaten your
survival.
 Here is a question for you: why do you feel
different?

Below are the common answers:

I have no personality, I am very short, very fat, very

skinny, I have no education, I am not interesting, I have no
talent, I am not attractive.
I don't have enough money, praise, love, success.
I am not enough, I am not valued, I have never felt that
I import what I am important.

Even millionaires, models, and superstars feel.

this same thing.

My happiest clients don ’t have any of these.

beliefs. In fact, they have opposing beliefs:
I am enough, I am here with something valuable to offer; the
love, happiness, and success are available to me; I
I easily connect with people because I belong to life
and I am always supported by the universe.

You can have these beliefs very simply.

using the methods in this book to make them a part of
who you are instead of something you force yourself to do from time to time
when.

CHAPTER 4
To Be Successful, Do This First

If you do the same thing you have always done, you will get
what you have always obtained.
Mark Twain, writer
 As I wrote in the Introduction, part of my reason for
writing this book was sharing with my readers the points
in common that I have observed in my happiest clients and
successful —the clients who "have it all". Often,
when we observe successful people, we assume that
they have a whole series of skills and privileges that are not
achievable for us. The truth is that they don't have them.
They have only learned how to make their mind work for
them, instead of against them. My goal is to teach you what
same.

Another common assumption about successful people is

that they have no problems. That they are immune to the
personal, relational, and professional problems that
seem to afflict most people. Some even
They believe that successful people are immune to boredom.
and the mundanity of life! This couldn't be further away
of the truth. In fact, rock stars, directors
executives and highly successful leaders who have been
sentado en mi silla de terapia tienden a tener problemas
much more complicated due to their high profiles and lives
complex. Contrary to popular belief, money
Fame and success do not exempt you from the troubles of life.

Despite all this, my successful clients seem

share a common trait when it comes to addressing your
problems and pursue their dreams. Every morning, when they
they rise up, do what they hate or don ’t like, and they do it
first. In fact, doing what you hate (and getting it out of the way
doing it first) is one of the fastest ways to
inject success into your life. If you can create this habit and
apply it to your whole life, you will see that your life changes.

I will start by giving you an example:

A celebrity I worked with in Los Angeles had

so much overweight that his doctors warned him that
he needed to lose half of his body weight to
recover his normal health. He was on the fast track to
a large number of diseases that included
heart diseases, strokes and
diabetes if I didn't start a regimen quickly
weight loss and clung to him. Despite these
warnings, this client insisted that he hated
absolutely all forms of exercise. He felt
sweaty and nervous at the mere thought of going to the gym. His
the response was to postpone everything for the day, which only meant
that his self-loathing would grow and grow until
finally give up the idea of going to the gym for
complete. Feeling guilty and like a loser,
I would end the night eating fried chicken and pizza, feeling
as a failure, feeling regretful and depressed.

This client asked for my help to reverse their hatred towards

exercise. I wanted a magic wand, but instead, I gave him/her
a simple recipe. I told him that he would get up at 5 in the
every morning before there was light in the
outside and before I had time to eat something and would give
a brisk walk through her Beverly Hills neighborhood
for thirty minutes. I was horrified, saying
"Marisa— I thought you were going to make this easier for me,
"Don't torture me!" I insisted that if he committed to
do this for just one week, I would do it with him and that
this would become much easier by the end of the week. If
If it weren't like this, I promised we would try another tactic.

There were several reasons why I did this. At this point,

my client could only run, much less go to a
gym, so I knew I had to give him a regimen that
allowed for the least amount of excuses possible. If everything
What I had to do was walk around the block, right?
he could complain that the gym equipment was not working
for its size. At that early hour in the morning, not
He could complain that the neighbors kept staring at him.
weight, since they still wouldn ’t be awake to do it
feel ashamed. I couldn't say that his stomach was
too full of food because I wouldn't have time to
eat beforehand. And, most importantly, I wouldn't have everything the
day to fill your head with negative thoughts about
farther than I had to go to lose weight and convince myself of
not to exercise.

In the first days, I almost had to get him out of bed and
put on the shoes. When we left the house and we
We entered into the darkness, he mentioned many excuses.
to explain why this was a bad idea. Simply,
I didn't pay attention to him and told him that he had promised me seven days.
Every single day, when we return from the
energetic walk, he commented: "Oh, that wasn't so bad" and
continued his day. But something more crucial happened: he found himself
more willing to stick to his diet
healthier and less willing to fill up on food
quick and the sugary snacks that normally were
so tempting for him. As he had done what he hates and,
what is more important, I had done it first, I was
prepared for success for the rest of the day and was
less willing to sabotage their efforts. In just seven
days, this simple trick (doing what you hate and doing it first)
he had made his effort to lose weight go from a
impossible task to a manageable trip. Finally, he managed
lose half of your body weight.

When you do what you hate, it may be that

start to like it
For some people, this idea can be confusing.
When they hear that successful people do what others do not
they like first to get to where they need, sometimes they
They say: "But Marisa, I thought you were teaching the idea that
we should learn to love every aspect of our life
telling our mind that we love the things that
we hate

ItisstilltruethateverythingIadvisedinthe
Chapters One and Two are vital for your success. You must hold on to
the belief that your mind does what it thinks you want
that you do, and that the words and images you use
repeatedly are very powerful to create how you
you really feel. However, at the same time, I am not
here to defend a Pollyanna version of the universe, no
it would be particularly helpful if you did. Life always
There will be adversity, heaviness, and things you do not enjoy.
if it weren't for that, the most wonderful moments of life
they would seem boring and uncomplicated. We need a
a little pain and discomfort to experience the true
joy, but what we have to do is allow that the
pain and discomfort manage (and potentially ruin)
our lives.

The rule of this chapter is about learning how to

face the things that cause you annoyance, discomfort or
pain and then diminish their power over you by taking them out of the
I walk and do them first. This can be somewhat boring.
like administration, do your accounts or make a
follow-up on the payments that are owed to you. Or they can be
cosas más importantes como confrontar a un colega abusivo
or to tell a family member that you need to take a
time without talking to them or ending a relationship. In
In a certain sense, there will always be things in your life that you do not
you will enjoy doing it and you have two options to deal with them.
I can say: "I don't like this, but I'm going to do it now and
me sentiré bien por eso todo el día” o puedes decir: “no
I want to do this so I will set it aside and torture myself.
 all day long.” If you choose the latter, this can often
meaning that you keep postponing these decisions for
weeks, months, and even years, thus ruining your life in the
process. It is encoded in our genes that we run
far from fear. That was very useful when you were running
of a predator, but today, instead, we flee from a
task that we do not want to do, especially if we feel
nervous or afraid of failing at that task. We translate the
resistance to a task as fear and we flee from it. This is
easily overcome by using internal exercises.

It doesn't matter what it is: getting out of your way what

you do by prioritizing has the power to change your
life. I realized that when I went back to visit my famous
overweight client. He was so proud of having
continued in his effort to lose weight. I asked him
what had helped him the most and he said it was to establish
the habit of his exercise routine in the early hours of the
tomorrow had been especially helpful. He said that everything the
I had been waiting for motivation to appear.
to exercise and I passed each day watching the
hours and their drive to exercise decreased with each
minute that passed. But, curiously, only when
He began to exercise and felt some motivation to
continue doing it.

At the time of my follow-up visit, he was already

had graduated from his walk around the neighborhood to go to a
local gym, and even mentioned that he had started to
enjoy your daily visits. This demonstrates one of the
most unexpected side effects of the strategy of
do what you hate first: when you do what you hate, it is
It might start to please you.

dnaoi tacm
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sieugael locruohytw
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clear boundaries, doing your taxes or going for a run, the reason
for which sometimes we grow to love what we hate.
based on science. In the best-selling book by the journalist
From The New York Times, Charles Duhigg, "The Power of the
habits," which deals with the science behind habits that
we maintain, wrote: "All habits—no matter how
large or small —they have three components, according to
neurological studies. There is a signal —a trigger
for a particular behavior; a routine, which is the
behavior in itself and a reward, which is
how your brain decides whether to remember a habit for it
future.

In his book, Duhigg tells the story of the pasta of

teeth as an invention to underline the strength of this
theory. Before the invention of Pepsodent in the early
In the 20th century, few people brushed their teeth.
America. Then, the advertising executive Claude C. Hopkins
he got a new invention: Pepsodent toothpaste, and
decided to find a way to sell it to the
Americans. At first, he thought he could market it.
based on the idea that it removed the 'film' or the
plaque on the teeth that accumulates when not brushed.
But when sales increased, the research of
the market discovered that something different was at play:

When researchers from competing companies

they began to interview the clients, they discovered that the
people said that if they forgot to use Pepsodent, they
they became aware of their mistake because they did not perceive that feeling
a fresh tingling in their mouths," Duhigg wrote.
They were waiting, longing, for a slight irritation. If it was not there,
their mouths did not feel clean. It turns out that Claude Hopkins
I wasn't selling beautiful teeth. I was selling one.
sensation. Once people craved that tingling feeling.
fresh, once they compared it to cleanliness, the
brushing became a habit.
 The fact that a mint flavor has been added to the
toothpaste was an accident. It was not meant to
leave users with a fresh mint feeling, but not
to help the product last longer in the
shelves. But the people who were brushing their teeth were waiting for the
tingling sensation that came after brushing,
so they created a habit in which they hadn't even
thought and probably could never be convinced of
to do something else, as my client had become accustomed to
to the sense of achievement he gained from his training
morning ones.

While this example of tooth brushing is a

excellent illustration of how new ones can be formed
habits in a positive sense, the same science also
applies to a litany of bad habits. Meanwhile, Duhigg
continue writing: “This, say the scientists, is how
habits emerge and why they are so powerful: they create
neurological cravings. Most of the time, these cravings
they arise so gradually that we are not really
aware that they exist. But when our brains
they start to associate certain signals (a bar of
chocolate!) with certain rewards (delicious and melts
in my mouth!), a subconscious longing arises. And so, each time
that we see chocolate bars or chocolate cookies in the
break room, we start to miss them, even if,
Moments before, we were not hungry at all.

Do you remember what Duhigg said about the science behind

habits? It is a signal, a behavior, and a
reward. If you want to create a new habit of doing it
what do you hate first, then you need to focus on it
associated rewards system. Let's take a look
again to the celebrity weight loss client. For
to establish your new habit, I gave you a signal: the alarm clock.
Every time it was activated, it had to crawl out of the
bed, without questions, justifications or excuses. The
the behavior itself was jogging or walking around
the block. And then, the reward was the feeling of achievement
and the lack of guilt that he maximized throughout the day by
put the trot as the first thing. Once it arrived at
love the feeling of not descending further into self-hatred
the same with every hour that passed, he didn't want to go back to not
to exercise. In fact, it did not increase his love for the
behavior, but for the reward itself.

This can be applied to practically anything.

Do you want to eat healthier but hate cooking? Start your
week preparing healthy meals on Sundays for the
night—doing what you hate first—and focus on what
how easy it is when you get home from work to heat up
quickly a healthy and satisfying dinner. If you are
tired of your clients not paying you enough,
start your week by politely sending a notice that
you are increasing your rates and get the reward that
you get the feeling of honoring your talents and
skills. If you are tired of being single, but you don't like
go out, challenge yourself to talk to a stranger
in the first half of each day or set an appointment with
someone you have met on an online dating site
every weekend. Soon, you will find that you start to
I love these spontaneous interactions.

When I was just starting out as a therapist and writer,

I knew I had to promote myself. I knew my techniques
and methods had the power to change the life of the
people and I wanted journalists and magazines
they wrote about me and my methods to be able to reach
more people and find an agent to sell my
books. However, the idea of picking up the phone and
"selling myself" to busy journalists and editors was not
attractive, as it involved a possibility of rejection (that
yes, of course, our greatest fear). There were so many things
that I preferred to do instead of that, but I knew that I had
to prioritize the call or my ideas and book manuscripts
they would remain in the drawers literally and metaphorically, to
unless I made an effort to raise my profile
public. I set myself the challenge of calling a journalist,
editor or publication every day before doing anything
another thing (in the days before email, calling
it was the road

I dedicated 15 minutes a day to this practice for

weeks and I accumulated many rejections in the process. Without
embargo, I knew that rejection is incredibly common
among writers: the first book by the author of Harry
Potter, J.K. Rowling, was rejected by several publishers before
to sell hundreds of millions —so I knew that the
persistence was vital. When I called a magazine afterward
to see an article that had been written about the use of power
from the mind to cross the embers, I was tasked with
I would write an article about the power of hypnosis.
to influence the body. After that, they liked my
article, that they asked me to write a column
regular, which led to many other columns and, finally,
to the coverage in all British magazines and in many
from the leading magazines in the United States and many others
international publications.

Now everything seems very easy, but I know that this never
would have happened if I hadn't set the goal of doing it
that I hated every day. By that moment I had
I raised my public profile, it became very easy for me to sell.
my ideas and making cold calls; as we know, the mind
learn by repetition and I had repeated the activity
terrifying so many times that it no longer intimidated me. For
supposedly, the irony now was that my public profile as
writer and therapist had extended so much that the greatest
part of the journalists' interest was finally reaching me!

Aprovechando las lecciones de los dos primeros

chapters, it is very important for you to change your dialogue
internal to convince yourself that you are
choosing to do what you hate. The first week
certainly it won't feel this way. You will feel like my client
being dragged out of bed at 5 am every morning
about to do something you detest. But if you interrupt your
"I choose"
do this first, for the feeling of the reward that
receipt
they can work here: "I am determined to succeed,"
therefore, I do what I do not want to do and I do it first
just like: "I am choosing to do what I don't want to
I am choosing to feel fantastic about doing it.
that I don ’t want to do. I am choosing to do it first,
reminding you that successful people do what they hate
First, and if you want the same success you have to choose to do
the same.

This practice is largely a self-reinforcement. It is

The more you repeat the phrases above, the more you will believe them.
your mind (even if at first it feels useless or little
convincing). The more you believe them, the more you will do what you hate
And you will do it first. And then, the more you do what you hate,
you will find more motivation to continue. My favorite saying
And what I repeat a lot is: first you build your habits and then
Your habits make you. Make your habits positive.
doing what you don't like first and then your habits you
will make you more successful.

If you're still not convinced that doing what you hate (and
doing it first is the key to success, I want to point out a
metaphor that I think is very useful when thinking about making the
things we hate. If you think about every author, artist, athlete or
successful businessman you admire, I can almost guarantee you that
they have a high tolerance for doing what they hate.

Think of it this way: if there were a success club and really

would you like to be a member—would you really like to belong to a
group in which everyone else succeeded and felt that
Do you also belong to him, would you pay the membership fee?
What would happen if I told you that there was nothing to pay?
tariff, but to become a member you had to commit to
do what you didn't want to do? You had to do the
activities that you didn't like at first. Would you do it? I believe
that you would do it. So start now and whenever you have
resistance remember that 'doing what I don't want to do
first is how can I become a member of the success club.
Then it becomes more attractive as you focus on
your reward.

I have worked with clients from practically all the

disciplines and industries —people who have their calls
“trabajos soñados” —y cada uno de ellos tiene que hacer
things that he hates from time to time. If you are a
entrepreneur, you will have to deal with uncertainty, the
risk and phone calls early in the morning
tomorrow; if you are an athlete, you will have to train all the
mornings, even if you don't feel like it; if you are a
writer, you will have to work alone, send arguments of
sale and promote yourself. One cannot have glory and the
recognition of these professions without the parts
unpleasant. But what you can do is prioritize the
parts that you like the least so they don't control your life.
In other words, when you wake up in the morning, do
First the tasks you don't like. You will be happy for the rest.
of the day because you did it —and you will be able to enjoy the
parts of your life and career that you like.
The three Ps
To close this chapter, I want to answer a question
that I once received from a client, which stuck with me.
After outlining this strategy for her, she told me
that I had started to do the things I hate first, and
that it was taking almost half of his day. "It's just
after lunch time I start to begin to
doing things I don't hate,” he wrote. “Is this normal?”

I want to make it clear that this method should not seem

that is taking over your life. While life
it certainly has many unpleasant parts, the
the feeling of 'hate' probably does not apply to
many of them. I don't want to seem like I'm supporting the
the idea that you should fill your hours with things that you don't
You enjoy to be successful. On the contrary.

If you hate every waking hour of your job, that is a

good reason to look at the structure of your life and your work
and reconsider your career path. If you hate spending
spending time with your partner, it is possible that you are not in the relationship
correct. If studying at law school gives you a great
insecurity that you might be making the decision
wrong as being a lawyer, I don't want you to annul that
feeling. If talking to your colleagues or your boss makes you
to feel mistreated or that you have been disrespected, I don't want
Do it first, I don't want you to do it at all!

If you have trouble delimiting between doing something that

odias (that will take you where you want to go) and do something that in
general is not helping you, it may be useful to use the test of
the 'Three Ps'. Ask yourself this thing: Is it Permanent?
Personal? Penetrating?
 If something is not permanent, you can usually
overcoming it if it is in the service of what you want. If it is about
a project at work or writing a proposal,
to learn something new or to clean up your finances, those things
they will eventually disappear. But if it is about the
trajectory of your career, your choice of partner or the
possibility of obtaining a mortgage loan, these are more
durable. You can overcome anything with enough
perseverance, but just make sure that what you are trying
overcome has a final point.

Asking yourself, "Is it personal?" means

find out if it's something only you can fix. Be a
bad attitude, habit, or belief system. It is always
it's possible to fix the things that are personal because you
you are in charge. However, if another person is
mistreating or abusing, that is a dynamic in which not
you will necessarily be able to move forward on your own, since it is not
completely under your control. I wouldn't want you to do anything
What do you hate first if it means letting someone you
maltreat

Finally, is it penetrating? The things you hate and that you ...
they can lead to success are often annoyances and preferences in
place of structural problems. If what you hate seems
infiltrate into all aspects of your life, you must not
prioritize it. You should change it!

I hope this helps you see the difference between giving

priority to the small tasks of life that you postpone and go
against your instincts and integrity about what makes you
feel good. In other words, do what you hate and do it
first it should not be exhausting and debilitating, but rather
energizing. It should make you enjoy the rest of the hours
of your day much more and give you the feeling of achievement that you
it leads to wanting even more achievements. The most important thing is that
you must move towards the things in life that really
you want to not distance yourself from them.

You can also use the 3 Ps to deal with stress.

Let's imagine that your boss is difficult, your teenage child is
conflicting or your commute is stressful. Ask yourself
Is this the same if it is permanent, personal, and penetrating? That
your boss being difficult is not permanent, since you won't be working with
he for eternity. It’s not personal, as he is this way with everyone. And
it's not penetrating, since when you are at home eating
a lovely dinner or taking a relaxing bath he doesn't
is there.

If it's not PPP all the time, it can't harm you.

less than you allow it.

CHAPTER 5
There Are No Shortcuts – But There Is A Guarantee

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

complete ladder.
Martin Luther King Jr, spokesperson and leader

You may have noticed that the previous chapter was

slightly different from the previous three. In the first ones
Three chapters, I focused on thought habits.
A quick review here, these were: telling your mind
exactly what you want me to do, complete with a
updated and relevant language; taking responsibility for
the words and the images in your head; and make it
familiar is not familiar and vice versa. Then, in Chapter
Four, I subtly shifted to focus on a habit of
action and I gave you a specific action to do every
days. This chapter will also focus on a habit of
action to integrate into your life.
 One of the principles that governs my methods is power
from repetition. If you repeat something with sufficient frequency,
whether good or bad, you can integrate it into your brain.
most people, unaware of this power,
they repeat negative or useless things, whether they are thoughts of
self-criticism, unhealthy eating habits or comparing oneself with
others. Every day, while they do those things, they do not see the effect
that the repetition is having, without realizing it, in their
lives. But the good news is that the other side is also
certain. The power of repetition, unknowingly, can work.
in your favor, as long as you repeat the correct actions in your
daily life.

This is why the next action habit is so

essential

Do one thing every day towards your dreams.

This may seem incredibly simplistic and obvious.

for you, but the reality is that this is often overlooked
high or does not execute correctly. Frequently, I have
clients who work incredibly hard from Monday to Friday,
they arrive at the weekend exhausted and still feel guilty
not working on Saturday and Sunday. In fact, to
they often lose sight of what they are working for. The
most of the time, they also feel miserable.

I'm not advising you to work excessively seven

days a week. What I ask you to do is to choose one
what in your life is really important to achieve for
you—in any area of your life—and commit to doing
a small thing every day in service of that, even if
it's only for a few minutes. This may be at the service
your career, your creative dream, your mental health or your health
Physics; the point is to eliminate from your mind the question 'Will I do it?'
or I won't do it? Once you do this, and start doing
a small thing every day, you will see how powerful it really is
the practice of habit and repetition.

I have said before in this book that when you do things

What very successful people do, unknowingly, you become
more and more like them. This is very true when it comes to
this action habit. You see, just like starting the day
making your least favorite task out of the way
First, commit to a small task every
Days in the service of your success dreams make you feel like
a winner. Once you feel this way, you start to act
differently. You start to take the air of a
successful person and you think you are successful. This can affect
the way other people treat you, how you treat yourself
same and what you attract into your life. For example, during the end
on the weekend, just do a small job at your site
web, return some calls or watch a short video of
training.

It may seem like a small step, but it is at

service of a much larger goal.

Everyonewantsashortcut
As I have spent so much time working with all kinds
of people, they always ask me: 'What makes a
"Does a successful person stick to their goals?" The answer is
that there is no shortcut for this. We live in a culture that
she is obsessed with tricks and quick solutions,
but when it comes to the path to success, there really is no
an external trick. However, instead of that, there is a type
of guarantee: if you commit to doing something, every day,
you have the guarantee of being closer to it every time. If not
you do it, you won't be.
 I have worked with several Olympic athletes and they always
they are a great role model for this. The viewers in the
house sees the moments of glory while they compete and win
medals. The athletes, meanwhile, see only the years of
pain and sacrifice it took them to get there. Like the
Olympic swimmer, Matt Biondi, was quoted saying: “The
persistence can turn failure into achievement
extraordinary. The same is true for you.

A great example of the power of consistency is what

it usually happens near Christmas and the holidays. We can
start the month with solid training or a routine
healthy and say, 'I'm just going to take four days off.' And
So, suddenly, it's mid-January and we haven't gone to the
gym in three weeks. If you allow yourself to eliminate the warranty
to "commit to doing", the habit often is
collapse and stop being important to you. But when
take action every day —even if it means
just walking briskly or doing some
stretches on Christmas Day, for example —, you continue
getting closer to your goal with ease. Once again, there is no a
shortcut here, but there is a guarantee: commit to doing it and
you will see the results.

That warranty is the reason why I use this chapter.

to emphasize the power of simply 'committing and
"do" the same for ten minutes a day. As you continue to
as you get closer to your goal, your goal will start to get closer to you.
All of this is based on the law and the science of the
attraction. As Deepak Chopra wrote, 'This law establishes
that the whole situation around you is you. 'I am what I see.
What I see is me. Once you see that you are only being.
Reflecting on yourself, what happens? You become more
self-aware. As it expands the
self-awareness, you become much clearer and more focused on
what you really want. Then, and only then, the law
attraction can work for you reliably.

Doing one thing every day, without fail, in the service of

who or what you want to be is a guaranteed way of
improve the reflection you see of yourself. Once you do
everything gets better as you start to believe in yourself
the same and in your abilities. Then it becomes much more
it's easy to move towards everything you want in life.

It's not that good to be true

But Marisa, doing something for five or ten minutes a day
pueden hacerme realmente exitoso?” Puedo escuchar tus
Doubts from here. The answer is yes, it can. It's not that
good to be true because the effect of this practice is
multiply throughout your life, and more importantly, in your
attitude towards your life. When you feel better about yourself
you start to behave with the air of someone who has
success —what in turn makes you successful. It doesn't matter how
whether the daily action is big or small, what matters is that
You start to act like a winner.

You should really start thinking about your mind.

like a laser seeks targets. Just like you
Mind, listen to the words and the images that you tell yourself.
same to inform you how he thinks, he also loves
have concrete goals to work on. The more
specifically you can do this, better. So, it is not 'I want
be successful" but rather: "next year, I want to have written
a draft of the book" or it is not "I want to lose 50 kilos" but rather
instead of "I want to commit to cooking more meals"
healthy from Monday to Friday.
 Tumente is an incredibly flexible organism.
You might think: 'Well, I'm not the kind of person who can...
to stay in nothing, I always give up.” But, that is a
the story you are telling yourself. If you go to the line
from the finish line of any marathon and you ask the
runners have always loved to run, an amazing
number of them will insist that NO! They went from lazy to
marathon runners because they started to form a
action habit they committed to. They changed their
thoughts about who they were —and you can do it
the same. It just needs to be specific and committed to
do it relentlessly.

However, I will tell you that when you are newly...

starting to establish this action habit, you should
think carefully about what is going to be the thing with which
You are going to start. It doesn't have to be an extreme commitment.
Too often I see people get
overly ambitious goals and predispose themselves to failure. To
just like with the weight loss client from last time
chapter, I didn't tell him to run 10 km every morning;
I told him to just walk around his neighborhood all the time.
days. Once he did this, the motivation to do
it started to appear. It's one of my favorite sayings because
It is very true: motion manifests motivation.

I also don't want this to be something you hate. The advice

from the previous chapter and this chapter are separated. The
the previous chapter was about doing first what you don't like;
this chapter is about choosing to commit to something
that will make you feel like a winner and will take you
towards your goals. In the best of cases, I want you to
you should do something every day that brings you closer to your
goal, whether it's writing, meditating, exercising or working on your
business plan. For example, when I decided to do what
I hated it, calling journalists and asking them to write.
about me, I also decided to make a call every day,
even on Sundays. The editorial departments are
open on Sundays and make a call every day to me
I connected with that action. Instead of fearing it, I took it out of me.
on top and I felt good because I was taking action all
the days in the direction of my goals.

Another way to prepare for success with your new

Habit is to have a mechanism of responsibility. This
can really help people to maintain a
meta. Tell your family or partner (as long as you ...
Support them about your new goal and ask them to encourage you.
Join a social media group of like-minded people
set objectives that share your goals or establish a
training partner with whom you can
exchange messages once a day. All of this will increase
your chances of achieving your new goal.

So, whether it's a career goal, a goal of

self-care, or a personal, spiritual, or creative goal, choose
one thing you will commit to doing every day for
the coming months. Believe in it and enjoy watching the
consistency that develops in your life in ways
beautiful and unexpected. And remember —what you want, you
wants. To what you are moving, it is moving
towards you. You just have to take the first step.

CHAPTER 6
Y
ouMIt's like a class of 3 year olds.
Years

The ability to delay gratification has

implications not only for one person's life, but
also for the community, for a town, for a country.
Joachim de Posada, author
 Tell me if this sounds familiar: you arrive at your house after
after a long day at work, tired from the day you have
behind, but fully aware that it has not yet
finished. You inspect a kitchen that needs cleaning,
the permission slips for your children that need to be signed
and the inbox of the email that must
to clean oneself. But, you are also desperate to see the last one
episode of the new show you recorded. And the chocolate in
the pantry and the wine in the refrigerator are calling you
— "just take a break first," they tell you, "then
"Can you finish your to-do list?"

What do you do first?

This chapter is about the habit of action that people
successful use to respond to that scenario —delay the
gratification—as well as the additional mental trick that can
to make that habit persist, which is to savor the
reward. I am going to explain to you why you will not find the
success with the first, without emphasizing the second. But first,
let's look at the science behind delayed gratification.

You have probably heard of the famous experiment

of the Stanford marshmallow, whose premise was quite
simple. The researchers, led by psychologist Walter
Mischel, Ph.D., left preschool-aged children with a
marshmallow and they were offered an option: they could eat it
Do it now, or if they were waiting until the researcher returned,
they could eat two. In other words, they were asked to
The gratification will be delayed for a greater reward.

The results were surprising. According to the

American Psychological Association, the researchers:
they discovered that the adolescents who had waited
more time for marshmallows as preschoolers, they had
more likely to achieve a higher score in the
SAT exams, and their parents were more likely to
qualified them with a greater ability to plan,
manage stress, respond to reason, show self-control
in frustrating situations and concentrate without getting distracted.
Mischel returned once more to revisit the study with the
participants, now in their forties, found that 'their
differences in willpower had remained in
greatly for four decades.

In my years as a therapist, I have definitely

observed that the people who can delay the
gratuity is more likely to fall into that rare third
category of customers who 'have it all'. They are the ones who
they know that good things do not happen overnight
tomorrow, that the most lasting satisfaction takes time and
effort to wait, and what it is in the attainment of things
that we feel more pleasure. This is what feeds the
successful and motivated people who work hard, persevere and
never give up even when things get tough.

Mischel and his research colleagues provided a

framework for the way different
humans see gratification. As the Association wrote
American Journal of Psychology: "he proposed what he calls a
hot and cold system to explain why the strength of
Will succeeds or fails. The cold system is of nature.
cognitive. It is essentially a system of thought, that
incorporates knowledge about sensations, feelings,
actions and objectives—reminding you, for example, why not
you should eat the marshmallow. While the cold system
it is reflexive, the hot system is impulsive and emotional. The
hot system is responsible for quick responses and
you reflect certain triggering factors—such as introducing
the marshmallow in your mouth without considering the implications of
long term. If this framework were a cartoon,
the cold system would be the angel on your shoulder and the system
hot, the devil. When willpower fails, the
exposure to a 'hot' stimulus essentially nullifies the
cold system, which leads to taking impulsive actions. As
It seems that some people can be more or less
susceptible to hot triggers. And that
susceptibility to emotional responses can influence
his behavior throughout life.

This hot and cold system may seem

discouraging if you are the type of person who usually
falls in the field of impulsivity and emotion. Therefore,
you are verbally attacking your wife or your children
when they do something wrong instead of taking a breath
deep, or eat an entire chocolate bar in
seconds instead of savoring it slowly. But, although the
Stanford researchers may have suggested that this
the hot and cold system is a dichotomy—in other words,
you are one or the other and there is not much you can do about it
regarding—I'm here to tell you that you can change to the
type of person who is able to delay gratification for
success. It is about reshaping your mind to focus on the
reward system.

Unplug and savor the

rewards
We live in a world that is very different from how it was,
even ten years ago. The information age has
greatly blurred the lines between work, the
rest and play, and I believe that our quality of life has
suffered enormously because of it. We are always
"on" whether we are checking our email
electronic while we watch a television program,
lunching at our desk, or making calls at the end
of the week. These days it is difficult to know what work is, what
it is reward and what is rest, since everyone seems
merge into one.

If you want to become the kind of person who is capable

to delay the gratification, then you need to establish a
reward system and a spirit of truly savoring
the pleasurable things in life. In other words, if not
you are naturally inclined to delay gratification, it is not
sufficiently just try to force it into your life. You must
emphasize the positive side that comes from delaying the
gratification.

This can mean structuring your morning or afternoon.

doing your tasks and then rewarding yourself once you
you have finished. And once you reach that reward,
you need to calm down and really focus on her. No
you force the chocolate bar into your mouth while you watch
television, watch it carefully and focus on the
flavors. Don't watch your favorite TV show
while you fold the clothes, sit under your favorite blanket
and really relax. The more you can train yourself to
savoring even the simplest pleasures of life, more
you will be encouraged to delay the gratification that leads you
to them. Once you do that, you won't even have to
think about entering the house and doing your tasks in a way
efficient before enjoying a glass of wine;
it will simply happen naturally.

Learn to truly savor your rewards, whether it's

something simple like a good coffee with milk or a great dinner
after you have finished a project, really
it can have an impact on your life. I'm afraid it's a
such a diminishing skill in our world; there is
too many people who are too impatient to
move on to the next biggest and brightest thing. I have worked
with so many wealthy clients who have unlimited funds to
enjoy all the good things in life, but never
they take the time or attention to truly enjoy
those things. Instead, they move from one thing to another, never
satisfied to simply stop and smell the roses
proverbial. Learning to savor the little moments
of life as rewards—and postpone enjoying them until
that you have completed a task— does not require you to have
a lot of money. It's about where you focus your attention.

In fact, the good thing about learning to savor the

rewards is that you can work on every micro facet and
macro of your life, rewarding yourself throughout the day with
a cup of tea or watching a funny YouTube video
after completing a task, up to booking
a vacation once you have finally sent your
great work project for the year. It is a way of
enrichment of life that is basically free and
realmente puede mejorar tu rutina diaria.

Success is not just about how much money you make or about the
awards that you have. After all, those things don't
mean a lot if you never enjoy them. The people who
they enjoy life more have learned how to delay the
satisfaction in savoring the rewards, big and
small ones, when they come.

Delaying gratification and savoring the rewards is

especially key if, like many of my clients, you are
an entrepreneur or a freelance professional. This type of
work environments can be very hard on health
mental of people, since normal conditions with
Office hours and bosses giving you validation do not exist.
While you wait for funding for your business or for a
big client finally paid you for your work, can it be
feeling like you're not getting anywhere and not being there
achieving nothing. You are achieving, of course, but in a
time scale and metric system different from others
people.

If you are this type of worker, it is essential that

incorporate rewards that you can savor in your week
work-related, especially if you are the type of person prone to
excess work. For many people, delaying the
gratification is not the problem; it is your inability to
harvest the rewards once they have done the work.
This can cause exhaustion and overwork, which are
things I have seen in many of my clients. While the
"overnight success" can be a powerful myth
in our culture, most people who
they undertake high-risk races know that it is false. Without
embargo, what you may not know is that it is vital
reward yourself along the way to succeed. You cannot
simply working hour after hour without taking the time
to reward you for the hours you are investing.
Rewarding yourself will make you stronger and more capable of
resist until you are an unquestionable success story and
a leader in your field.

I love this advice from the author and columnist of the

Forbes magazine Michael Simmons, who has studied science
of success: "In a world where everyone rushes and fills their
agenda to advance, the knowledge worker
modern should do the opposite: reduce the speed,
work less, learn more, and think long term. For
start, follow the 5-hour rule: for one hour a
day, invest in compound time: take that nap, enjoy
from that walk, read that book, keep that conversation.
You can doubt yourself, feel guilty or even
worry because you're "losing" time... Don't!
You are! Step away from your 'to-do' list, just for one
It's time, and invest in your future. This approach has worked.
for some of the greatest minds in the world.
Itcanalsoworkforyou.

Another wonderful effect of learning to delay the

gratification and then make your phone call, your
screen time, even your latte or dinner
it is a reward to savor and appreciate
train your mind to get so much pleasure from things
it's simple that when you receive big rewards, it feels.
even better and live in a state of perpetual gratitude.
Start by telling yourself that your first coffee of the day, the fragrance
from your shower gel, sliding into clean sheets and the sound
the laughter of your children gives you immense pleasure and soon
it will become reality and you will train your mind to experience
more pleasure daily.

T
du
en
rk
lch
m
oaseficlsen
it
3 years old
Returning to the marshmallow experiment, I want you to
think of your mind as a preschool classroom. If you do it
you leave them, most of those preschoolers just
They will eat the marshmallow immediately when offered.
Instead, you should give your mind clear, direct advice.
and specifics about how your day will develop and what
you will reap rewards later.

If you think about it, parents do this with children all the time.
time. We say 'eat your dinner and then you can have your'
ice cream" or "clean your room and then you can play
video games. We need to employ those same tactics
with our mind, emphasizing what we are going to do, like this
like what we are going to taste. It is key to present one like
precursor of the other.

One of the saddest and most recurring themes I have seen

In my therapeutic practice, they are wealthy and successful parents.
who come to me asking why their children seem
so demotivated and stubborn. I have seen so many young people from
twenty-something years inheriting successful family businesses or
empires that have existed for decades, which then
they quickly come to an end when they fall into the hands of the
younger generation. While you may assume that this
must be that these children just do not know how to work
hard, it is often deeper than that.

These children often get angry with their parents for

to steal from them one of life's great gifts: the feeling
of achievement. You see, this is a sad proof that, even if
you have been given all the rewards (cars, houses,
companies, etc.), mean nothing in the absence of work
hard. It is in the enjoyment that we can fully enjoy.
from our rewards. Just as you cannot
teach yourself to delay gratification without focusing
in savoring the rewards, you also cannot savor
really the rewards without the delay and hard work
that precedes them.

You know that you are the kind of person who fights for
delay the gratification or the type of person who never
decrease the speed enough to harvest the
rewards, the clear instructions with which you command your
Minds are key. If you feel that you need additional help.
with this, I invite you to listen to my hypnosis exercise "The
Healing Vortex
explicit to your mind to increase its well-being and to let go
old problems back.
 Find he exercise here
www.iamenough.com/resources

CHAPTER 7
Prehistoric Bodies Living In Times
Modern

In a battle between logic and emotion, emotion

always wins.
Marisa Peer, author

Throughout my career, clients have come to me with

a list of things they would like to fix. Starting with money
up to relationships, mental health, and career, they see their
problems like a disparate list of items to cross out,
instead of various manifestations of one theme more
broad that they cannot see.

Every time I hear a client list the reasons

for which she has come to the therapy room, I tell her no
We will address the symptoms of your problems, not the cause.
For many people, one of these symptoms is loss.
of weight, body image, and diet, which is what is directed towards
will dedicate this chapter.

You might be thinking: in a book dedicated to some

one of the most significant questions in life: How can I
to love myself? How can I find a purpose?
How can I overcome being a victim of my past? How
Does it matter if someone is ten kilograms overweight? I can see
Where the question comes from. Our culture is
obsessed with weight and weight loss almost to the
point of satire. It has delved not only into our
healthcare systems and in the food supply,
but also in our popular culture and in the programs
of television and entertainment. However, the great
majority of those examples of weight loss culture
they are simply treating the symptoms. My goal is
deal with the cause once and for all. It's what I call, 'The
what is underneath,” which means that the initial problem does not
it is indeed the problem; what lies beneath and causes it
it is the problem.

In the first chapters, we focus on patterns of

thought. In the last three chapters, I taught you
action patterns. As you may already know, these patterns are
they can be used positively or negatively —but without
importing how you use them will be immensely powerful.
Let's take a look at one of the most common ways in
that food as a thought pattern becomes
a self-destructive action pattern.

At some point in your life, you may have learned that the
food was scarce. Maybe it was because, in your family, the
funds and resources were very limited, and therefore, the
food was actually not available all the time and not
there was money for sweets or luxury foods. Or, maybe
your parents grew up in a climate of scarcity, so your
the aversion to wasting food was passed on to you by them,
despite the fact that it was not economically necessary.

Whatever the reason, you were punished for wasting.

food on the table and you were not allowed to eat the food and the
tasty and sugary snacks that you wanted at home,
since they were considered a waste of precious funds.
Furthermore, maybe your mother punished you when she found out that
you had bought candy after school at the store.
This punishment and this scarcity caused you pain: you wanted to eat.
delicious things, but you were not allowed and were punished for
you wish them. You felt embarrassed and full of guilt since
early age. Worse yet, some parents buy sweets
Only for them, but they do not allow their children to eat them.
Perhaps your parents were health enthusiasts and did not you
they allowed you to eat sugar even though your friends did
they ate. Then, you felt deprived and tried to reduce the
sugar now simply intensifies those feelings of
deprivation.

The culture of food, slimness, and diet that

our media promote emphasize still
more your shame of having to 'hide' the candies and the
food you liked to be able to be "good". Besides,
you always felt obligated to finish what was in your
plato, even if you weren't hungry because you associated it with pain
with food waste. You were scared in a situation
in which having what you wanted —sweets—was not only
forbidden, but it was filled with negative emotions.
And leaving food on your plate simply wasn't an option.

Now you are an adult and your parents or caregivers are no longer
they are nearby to influence your decisions about food.
However, your mind still remembers the pain associated with the
deprivation of your favorite delicious treats. So,
every time you start a diet, your mind sabotages you with
this pattern of thought. It is operating with the
outdated information that the diet (or the shortage,
to be more specific) it causes you pain. Of course, now
that you are an adult who can make your own decisions
there is no shortage of what to eat. What really affects you
pain is now your inability to lose weight, but to your
the subconscious mind has not been told otherwise yet.
You are operating with outdated information.

So, how could you change this pattern of

thought? Returning to what we learned in the
chapters one and two, you can communicate with yourself
detailed and specific way, leaving no room for misunderstandings
interpretations or confusion, so that your mind you
help move towards your current goals, not them
inherited. For example, if you have started a new plan of
diet and you are trying to avoid carbohydrates or
fried foods, and yet you still feel attracted to them
pizzeria or ice cream shop, how should you respond?

The old information (or the habit of thought)

It would be like this: 'I want that pizza so much, but I CANNOT have it.'
I HAVE to resist eating pizza or I will fail in my
diet. Tumente sees it as a direct threat to his.
objective of avoiding scarcity, you are basically
reminding your brain that pizza is scarce! So, in
the response to that pushes you to order the pizza and eat it all
right away (habit of action). Remember, your mind wants
avoid the pain of scarcity. However, if you say: 'I CAN
order a pizza because I am completely in charge of my
decisions about food, but at this moment, I am going to
to eat grilled fish and a large salad. That pizza
it will always be there when I want it, but today, I am
making a different and healthier choice. I will be
equally full and satisfied.” Do you see what happens? You
mind does not feel the desire to avoid that scarcity, because it
you have told your mind that there is no scarcity. You choose the
alternative with ease (a new pattern of action) because
it does not cause pain.

If that sounds too good to be true afterwards

of a whole life fighting around food, believe me.
I have seen it work over and over again.

We are only cavemen.

You might be wondering how I came to develop
my ideas about food, body image and what the
pushes. Many years ago, I was a personal trainer in The
Angels. She regularly taught classes for the legendary
Jane Fonda and I had a direct perception of the phenomenon of
exercise that was so popular in Los Angeles (and that now is
has become popular all over the world.

At that moment, I felt perplexed. I observed people

that they exercised constantly, with a devotion that
parecía casi religiosa. Sin embargo, a pesar de eso, todos
parecían estar constantemente a dieta o preocupados por la
food. There were so many fad diets at that time— the
cabbage soup diet, grapefruit diet, the diet of
ricotta— that it was difficult to keep track. Also, I did not
I could understand why the people who obviously
they were so incredibly motivated to take care of their
bodies were clearly still struggling to feed on
a way that would not cause immense stress and unhappiness.
It seemed that no matter how hard they tried—and believe me, they did
they tried very hard, even taking two classes of
exercise a day—they could never heal their emotional relationship
with the food.

If that tense relationship sounds familiar, compare it with the

of a baby. In the womb, babies have a relationship
totally easy with food. They have access to food.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but
they simply take what they need, they stop when they are already
have had enough and do not know another way. Even
after they are born, babies still seem to approach
to the food with a completely carefree mind.
Before a baby starts to eat solid foods,
It is very difficult to make them eat an excess of formula or milk.
maternal; they instinctively know how to self-regulate and,
they are completely in tune with their bodies.
 So, what changes? In short, they change
our beliefs about food. I mentioned only one
a quite common example above —about people who
they learned that food was scarce from their parents or
caretakers —but in my time working with clients and
listening to readers, I have literally listened to thousands
of different variations on the theme: 'I learned that the
food was:...... complete the sentence, so I lost my
capacity for self-regulation.

Although these beliefs can often be transmitted from

your parents or caregivers, our culture certainly not
help with this. They send us images of food.
constantly, often with names like 'size'
familiar
to believe that foods high in sugar and fat are
exactly what we want and need. After
All food companies know that it doesn't matter
Many what are the ingredients; people will eat something if
It tastes good and if the image they create of the product is the
correct. And yet, at the same time, our culture
she is obsessed with thinness in a way that makes
that anyone who is not of small size feels that there is
something chronically bad about them. No wonder that
we are all so confused about food! We receive
contradictory messages of indulgence and deprivation during
all day, every day.

You probably already know that what often leads to

overeating is about feelings. But what I learned
in those years working in the city obsessed with the
body, Los Angeles, was that our environment also it
drives. When our patterns of thought
inheritances about food are found in an environment that
At the same time, he is obsessed with unhealthy food and the
thinness - an obvious paradox - things really
they are starting to go insane.

If you want to have an excellent relationship with food and

Loving your body is not about changing what you eat, it
try to change what you think. But, here is the key: do not
you can just change the dialogue you have with yourself
about food, you also have to change your way of
thinking about the world around you, in which we live.
You must acknowledge that it is an evolutionary mismatch. The way
it's easier to do it by thinking of you as a man of the
caves that live in modern times.

Do you remember how babies live in perfect alignment?

con su hambre y sus deseos? Los humanos adultos también
they used to do that. When food was scarce and they had to
hunted or gathered everything they ate, the men of the
caverns had to respond to the strong impulses
evolutionary traits with which we were born to survive. So, if
they had made a great slaughter and had a great source of
proteins and fats, they ate as much as possible
while the meal lasted, because they didn't know when
they would find her again. When they found a source of
sugar like honey or ripe fruit, they also ate in
excess. After all, they did not have access throughout the
year to unlimited food, and high content sugar
caloric food was even scarcer. Their bodies evolved
to store nutrients for a time, in case the
trees did not bear fruit and the animals were too much
thin to eat them. And guess what? Your body still
do that. You are living in a time when there is no longer
scarcity of food. Rather, there is an abundance
unimaginable. If a caveman or a hunter-
the collector would have spent only one day in a store of
modern food, he probably would have gotten sick
eat all the nutrient-rich food that there was
found. After all, the calories, the fat and the
sugar in a single Snickers bar could sustain a
caveman in operation for days.
Imagine what a family pack of bars could do.
the Snickers!

Tumente and your body still think that you are a

caveman. Your body does not realize that
you no longer live in a time of nutritional scarcity. For the
so much, wants you to stuff yourself with things that, once,
they were incredibly scarce. To make matters worse,
those sugary and fatty foods are even more sugary
and fats than fruit, honey, and meat that our
ancestors once devoured when they could
encontrarla. De hecho, una rebanada de pizza o un helado
they are scientifically designed to be completely
irresistible for your caveman body. Moreover,
generally, they are cheaper than vegetables, which you
encourages eating them even more.

When our ancestors found bananas

Mature people never thought: 'Oh, no, this is too much fructose.'
It will raise my blood sugar level and I will accumulate
fat, so I will only eat a little,” they thought, “This
the fruit will rot soon, I don't know when I will have the opportunity
to eat it again, I need to eat until I'm full," and so on.
They did it. The problem is that you can find chocolate
every day, but your mind still sends the same message:
'eat in excess' because you don't know when you'll find it.
new. It never tells you to stuff yourself with broccoli or lettuce,
since they were not scarce like sugar was.

So, how can we compete? If you have read this

book at this point, you may be able to predict that the
the solution is to change your pattern of thinking. While still
you can have the evolutionary impulses of a man from the
caves, fortunately, you have access to information
much more accurate about your environment. You can use that
information to update your way of acting. So,
even though your mind may believe that if you eat sugar in
You will survive on the planet, you can also
explain to your mind that this is no longer true.

Remember, eating is always an act of regression.

that we are returning to our instincts of
survival of when we were cavemen or
that we are returning to our baby version
the same, when being fed meant being loved and
caution, our relationship with food is deeply
rooted. In this way, you need to update what the act
eating represents now. Eating sugary foods does not
healthy in the context of the modern world is going to be the
the opposite of keeping you alive on the planet for a longer time.
Devouring an entire pizza until you feel sick is
make it a habit to love and take care of yourself.
try to fight this with a little success, but what I have
found that absolutely works is to talk to your
speak with an authoritative voice and say: 'the chocolate has
I have been in my life for x years. It will always be available.
I want to turn away and remain indifferent to him." When I
give your mind better and more detailed instructions
I promise that he will respond to them by giving you what you want—no
what you think you want based on evolutionary needs
obsolete. It's true that your mind wants you to remember
where is the sugar, keeping you going for more and
devouring her. What is also true is that you can
direct your mind away from sugar forever, not changing
the behavior, but rather changing the thought that
control the behavior.

Once you update your mind from 'this food me

will make me feel good and will help me survive" to "I am
choosing not to eat this food because I really no longer want it
benefits in the present, in the modern sense" you begin
to self-regulate according to your needs today —no
when you were a child or a caveman. It does not mean that the
cookies and ice cream will never taste good again, but yes
it means they will appear less attractive and less
necessary for your survival.

By doing this, you are recognizing the things that are happening to you.
leading to devouring the entire package of cookies—your impulse
evolutionary and the attitude towards food that you developed in your
childhood —and yet, instead, you choose to serve the
modern and current version of yourself. That version gives you
will thank.

So when you're tempted, you could say:

I am not seven years old. I can eat cookies all the

días por los próximos 50 años, nadie me lo impide o me
"Sorry for eating them, but today I choose something healthier."

Or you could say:

I am not a caveman. There is no shortage; the

cookies will always be there and will always be cheap. But
I don't need them today.

Itisalsofascinatingtoseethatinnaturewehave
sweet foods like honey and fatty foods like the
dried fruits, seeds, and fish, but the combination of
sweet and fatty does not exist, except for one food: milk
maternal. Our craving for sweet and fatty food is not
more than a need to return to a time when the
The sweet and fatty combo met all our needs.
However, he can no longer do it and besides, you don't want to.
being a baby; you want to eat delicious, healthy food
nutritive and the way to do that is to dialog with your mind of
a productive way. Knowing that your mind does what
I think you want me to do, the more you tell him what
do you really want to be slim, fit, healthy and with
a lifelong preference for healthy food), more you
he can give it.

I already explained before that your mind does what it believes.

you want. We see this in action when we give in to hunger
and we eat anything and we eat it quickly. It doesn ’t matter
a long time ago, we died more from hunger than from
Diseases and our primitive brain is still
programmed to be afraid of hunger and to make that
that fear goes away quickly, it actively encourages us to eat
anything that is available instead of eating
selectively. The way to stop this is to recognize the
terrifying feeling of hunger while you tell your
lie that hunger does not scare you and that you prefer and you are
choosing to wait until you can eat food
healthy. Give your mind better instructions always
it works.

Four easy food tricks

I truly believe in making things as concrete as possible.
as simple as possible. So now that I have explained to you the
the psychology behind why you overeat, I want to give you
some easy and simple tricks that you can use in your life
to keep your mind and your habits on the right track.

As we have learned, the mind is very simple.

Responds to stimuli. So the first thing you can
do to ensure that you stay on the right track
it is to reduce your exposure to tempting stimuli. In few
words this means:
 Do not have sweets or temptations in your house.

Remember, you are programmed to remember where it is.

sugar—whether it's a mango tree or a package of Oreos—
and seek more again. Instead of fighting against this fact,
work with it. Put many barriers between you and sugar.
another junk food (walk to the store, spend money,
etc.) so that it is much less likely that you eat at
excessively impulsive.

If you have children or family, it makes it harder to get rid of.

completely sugar or temptations, so by
Put these things out of your sight. Store the cookies.
on a shelf above where you can't see them. Don't leave
sweets on your nightstand. Treat your guests with the
leftover cake pieces. If you buy candies, buy
of the type you like the least—you will be less tempted by that
shape.

This trick also extends to what you put in your

plate. If you cooked a big lunch, make yourself a plate with the
food that you are going to enjoy and leave the sources with the food
in the kitchen, instead of leaving them on the table. After
everything, if there is food in front of your view, it is very likely
that your caveman mind wants you to eat more of that, like this
that removes that option by taking the food out of your sight.
likewise, avoid all-you-can-eat buffets, programs of
cooking or pastry, and restaurants with dessert trays
the bread baskets without a bottom. Your brain of a man of the
caves are scheduled to go crazy in these
scenarios, so don't try to fight against that.
Just avoid putting yourself in them.

The second trick is to avoid too much variety when you

food treatment. The more options you have for eating,
You will eat more. Your brain wants you to be as nourished as possible.
possible in case there are times of hunger in the
future. But we know that there will be no times of hunger.
So, if you go to a meal or a picnic where there are seven
different main dishes with their respective
side dishes, you will probably want to try them
everyone. Instead, stay within a range of flavors and
dishes you know you like, but are quite unfamiliar to him
familiar to your palate. And avoid situations where you will be
surrounded by endless amounts of food.

The third trick is to stop using food as a

reward. While there is nothing wrong with eating a little
of chocolate from time to time, I want you to know that, if
you are regularly using food as a
recompensa, no es lo mejor para tu éxito en el largo plazo.
Remember, if your body could talk, it would prefer that you
rewards with healthy alternatives instead of eating
junk food in excess. Instead, I want you to give to
your body gets better rewards like going for a walk,
buy yourself a small reward like a new book or
prepare a fresh fruit salad or a coffee with milk.
Communicate better with your body so it knows you are there.
things are rewards and not punishments, and over time the
you will begin to see it that way.

The last trick is to improve the quality of the food that

you put on your body. You might think that you want
junk food and sugar, but let me assure you that your
the body wants anything but that. An easy way to
determine if what you are about to eat is something that your body
he/she wants to answer yes to these five questions:

Does food walk the planet or does it grow on it?

Can you recognize the ingredients that make it up?
Could you eat it raw?
Do you rot?
Can you recreate it in your kitchen?
 Most processed foods, carbohydrates
refined, sweets, and candies do not pass the five test
questions. But interestingly, everything that our
cavemen ancestors ate if they pass the test.
So, the best thing you can do for your body
Caveman is to eat like a caveman, with emphasis on
fresh meat or fish, vegetables, fruits, nuts
seeds and eggs—these are all things that pass the
test of the five questions.

I would like to conclude this chapter by saying that, if you are

overweight, you shouldn't feel ashamed or
inadequate because of it. I have seen firsthand how difficult
what it means to be a person with overweight in our culture, and
I think there is very little recognition of the factors.
environmental factors that cause people to overeat.
We see it as a personal failure, a problem of
weak will, when in reality—as I explained above
It's a problem of evolutionary mismatch. So, if you are
struggling with your weight, be kind to yourself and know that
that if you update your belief systems about the
food, it will be much easier for you to change your habits starting from
from there.

The rules of your mind

I am a strong believer that we cannot fix what
that we do not understand. I see many clients who try to
fight against their minds using pure strength or willpower
to change their mind, they also try to punish
to their bodies and they want to force them to act or look
different. They try to force their relatives and their children to
that they change using coaxing, bribes, or punishments
with little success and much frustration. You can't fight with your
programming, but when you understand how and why you
mind operates, then you can work with it instead of in
against her to obtain all the changes you want. A
As you read the rules of your mind, you will see how your
mind works and how to make it work with you and for you, in
instead of against you.

Each of your thoughts and words forms a

a plan in which your mind and body work to do
reality.
The most powerful force in humans is that we must
act in a way that consistently aligns with
our thought.
Every thought you think causes a physical reaction.
and an emotional response within you.
Imagination is more powerful than knowledge
when dealing with one's own mind or the mind of the
demás.
In a battle between emotion and logic, emotion
always wins.
Tumente always does what he thinks you want him to do.
haga.
Tumente works to take you from pain to pleasure.
Tumente is programmed to resist what is not.
familiar and to return to what is indeed familiar.
Tumente responds to the images you build and to
the words you tell yourself.
Your mind doesn't care if what you say is good or bad,
verdadero, falso, saludable, no saludable, correcto o
Incorrect; accept and act according to your words.
You create your beliefs and then your beliefs create you.
then the universe makes those beliefs real.
What you present to your mind, your mind gives it back to you.
will present to you.
When dealing with the subconscious mind, how much
the greater the conscious effort, the less it responds
 subconscious.
The mind cannot hold conflicting beliefs or
thoughts that cancel each other out.
•Tumente can only function in the present tense.
Tumente does not recognize neutral words like no, more
afternoon, perhaps, tomorrow.
Tumente can only respond to words that create.
images, the more vivid the image, the more powerful the
answer.
Tumente responds better to positive words and to
specific, detailed words and instructions
dynamics.
The mind learns through repetition.
What is expected tends to happen.
Whatever you focus on, you get more of that.

CHAPTER 8
The Biggest Challenge to Enjoying Happiness
and Inner Peace

The most important words you will hear are the

words you tell yourself, while the opinion
the most important is your own.
Marisa Peer, Author

Observe the amazing diversity of experiences.

being human is one of the most interesting things about being
therapist and speaker. I have come into contact with thousands of
people throughout my career and I never get tired of listening
about the numerous backgrounds, life stories, the
tests and triumphs of my clients, whether a banker, a
famous movie star or an executive director. How can you
you must have deduced from what you have read of my book so far,
I truly believe that feelings and desires are more
deep feelings that we all have in our hearts are very
similar regardless of what culture we grew up in or the
sufferings we have experienced. This chapter in its
totality is about the belief of "I am not"
"sufficient," which in my experience almost always lies underneath
of emotional problems, addictions, or mental fixations
with which customers face. I truly believe
that this belief is the greatest emotional illness
what affects humanity today.

But first, I will illustrate this with another story of a

client I had. I was working in Los Angeles in a
television program and how producers used to do
in those days, they called me to ask for my help with
one of the most difficult cast members. He was
being rebellious and very rude to the staff of the
program, the rest of the cast and the production team. This
it was a huge problem since all their demands
irrationalities and eccentricities were delaying the filming
and making people resign. I was even advised
that when I went to his house I should not park my car
rented —a new red Mustang —in the parking lot
from his house, since he could only tolerate luxury cars like
Ferraris, Porsches, and Jaguars parked in your house. Neither
at least I could park it on the street outside your house—
I would have to park around the corner. I went and
I parked my car unacceptably out of sight and touched the
door of her mansion, ready to get to the bottom of what
was causing him to be so miserable.

As soon as I entered her house, I told her I had a

beautiful house. He quickly said that he hated it and that the
he was selling to move to one of his other houses
close while I was building a bigger one. Then he told me
that I reminded him of his third ex-wife. (He had just
finished with his fourth wife). When I told him
thank you, she told me not to thank her, "she was a great
disappointment for me.” When I mentioned his award to him.
BAFTA and other awards that were aligned about the
chimney, he described them as a curse saying:
Everyone expects you to win again once you already
You have won one and it is a lot of pressure to bear.

I quickly started to see that everything this man

had —luxury cars, luxurious houses, awards, prizes,
movie star status and relationships with supermodels—
it was never enough to satisfy him. He had all the
symbols of success, but not the happiness that he had
convinced that he would arrive with him. The more he accumulated,
was more puzzled that he didn ’t feel happy. He
I was trying to fill a void, but it was a void that I could not.
could be filled.

Ihadahunchaboutwhatwashappening,soI
I started to ask about his childhood. It turns out that he
I had grown up in a trailer park with a mother
who often worked night shifts and a father who
he worked in construction. Every day, he was responsible for
heat up your father's dinner before he got home, already
that her mother was at work. Money was scarce, so
it was common for there to be insufficient food for
he would eat the same cuts of meat as his dad. When
his father left food scraps, he gave them to the dog,
letting this boy assume that his dad preferred the
family pet above him.

I know what is wrong with you,” I said, “You don't feel

that you are enough. And then, you have spent your whole life
trying to accumulate the types of things that will make you feel
that you are enough. You have tried with houses, cars,
beautiful women, awards, professional success, but has not
functioned.
 Immediately, tears filled her eyes and
I knew that my words had touched him. This feeling—
not being enough—is the problem at the center of the
problems of many people. Often, it's just a matter of
peeling the layers of the onion —whether they are addictions,
depression, overeating, being a workaholic, accumulating
things - and locate the point in time when you internalized
the belief that you were not enough. The rest of the
problems are just manifestations of that belief
enormously harmful.

The origin of this customer's belief—that their father does not

I loved him - it was similar to what happens to many of my
clients. This is because children have a job that
fulfill in their short time on the planet: seek and receive the
approval and the love of their parents. When they fail to achieve that,
it is so traumatic and disorienting that they cannot
Rationalize. It is impossible for a child to understand at a certain age.
so early that their parents are imperfect and that they
they are worthy of being loved even if their parents are not
capable of loving them. Then, they internalize the belief
that if his parents —the only people who are supposed
that they love them unconditionally—they don’t, then it is
that they do not deserve to receive love. They are not
sufficient.

Once you internalize that belief, it is very difficult

even knowing that it is affecting you because it is so
fundamental y is deeply rooted.
Especially when society reinforces it in so many ways.
ways, from consumerism to beauty standards
unreal, to ideal relationships. People develop
all kinds of survival mechanisms to cope with
this deeply uncomfortable belief, including
addictions, compulsion, depression and anxiety. In my chair of
therapist, I have seen them all.
 However, I have seen it over and over again like a mantra
simple, profound and life-changing can replace
this limiting belief and free yourself.
The mantra is:

.m
hguaoneI

The biggest challenge to enjoy

happiness and inner peace
I didn't learn the mantra 'I Am Enough' in school.
about therapy, nor in books or scientific research. As I said
Before, I didn't think it was necessary to spend an entire life.
understanding how the human mind works; I was
convinced that I could find a simplified way
to get to the heart of my clients' problems. Thus
it was how I discovered the truth and the power of knowing that I am
sufficient.

In fact, I first learned about the deep problem.

of the people who did not believe that they were enough with
some of my first clients. I had clients who
they were literally eating themselves to death
with the weight gain. They did not enjoy or want the food
what they were eating, but they simply couldn't help it
to consume it. A similar case was the shopaholics.
They almost never wore or used the large amount of
products they bought, but something forced them to continue
taking out their credit cards to buy more. And it
the same with anorexics —there was no such thing as 'the
sufficiently thin.” Instinctively I knew that what
was affecting some clients, I also had to be
affecting others.
 A client who was battling debilitating obesity
I had tried everything—including invasive surgery—to
to rid oneself of their compulsion to overeat. But, a
once we pinpointed the moment in his childhood when he
she started to believe that she was not enough —she remembers how
we learned in the last chapter, eating is an act of
regression —it was as if something changed overnight.
Tomorrow. Seeing that he was efficient all the time saved him from
the idea that he "could never eat enough" food. Already
I didn't have an emptiness that I had to fill. I already have food, clothes,
drugs, alcohol, fame, accumulation or work, almost always
it happens that someone who 'cannot obtain
"sufficient" of a substance or habit, deep down, not
feels that it is enough, then they start to self
medicate.

Wealsoseethisallthetimewithcelebrities.
Every time someone extremely talented and successful dies
due to some addiction or suicide, people often
They wonder out loud: "But they had everything—money, fame,
success— "how could they not be happy?" The reason is that the
money, fame, or success are not enough to
counteract the feeling of not being enough. So,
these immensely talented celebrities like Amy
Winehouse, Whitney Houston, Heath Ledger, George
Michael, Philip Seymour Hoffman and many others come out
world and try to remedy that feeling with fame. From
Indeed, the feeling that they are not enough is
precisely what drives them to such admirable success.

However, once these people achieve success,

and they still don't feel they are enough, the pain intensifies.
Most people who are not famous assume that
they are unhappy because they have not reached the false highs
standards of our society of what will make them happy.
But for the rich and famous who have made it, they
they feel like they have nothing left to achieve. Then, from
a somewhat predictable way, they experience a
mass collapse and shift to self behaviors
destructive. They renounce the feeling that they ever
they will feel that they are enough.

When I realized how universal and widespread it was

was this problem, I also realized how powerful it was
it is the antidote. It doesn't matter if you are a millionaire banker of
Wall Street that is addicted to work and cocaine, or a
homeless person who is addicted to any drink that
you can find, the problem is fundamentally the same. No
they feel that they are enough. However, fortunately,
the solution is also the same for both.

The best proof that knowing you are enough is the

the answer is to observe, once again, the behavior of
the babies. While the babies are forming their
awareness and depend entirely on their parents,
they are generally very happy. As long as there are not
experienced trauma very early in their life, not
they have mental problems, addictions, behaviors
compulsives or depression. This is because when you are born
you are closer to the truth that you are enough. Even
if you were born to parents who did not love you, the universe does love you
I wanted—your own existence is proof of that—and that is all.
the reason that you are sufficient.

So, usually in the first six years of life

approximately, something tells you that you are not enough. This
it can be something less, like a father who demands of you
perfection, or something greater, like a father who abandons you or
Don't worry. Anyway, you internalize the belief and
you move forward. Then, at some point in your life, your
belief will be reinforced by standards and expectations
of society. Eventually, this belief will find a
way of manifesting itself in the form of addictions
insecurity, depression, or any other behavior with
that you may be struggling.

The good news is that the belief that you are not
sufficient is not a prison sentence. You can free from
she with the simplest and most affirmative statement that
I am enough.

How to believe that you are enough

As I said before, the common denominator of the
a common problem for almost everyone is that, at some
moment, they learned that they were not enough. Not it
sufficiently adorable, sufficiently successful
talented enough, perfect enough or
sufficiently good for to be accepted
unconditionally. With all my clients, I try to locate
cómo y cuándo tuvieron ese sentimiento por primera vez. A
Unlike most therapists, I didn't spend weeks.
or months of sessions to get there; I find it in the
first or second session using hypnosis.

Maybe you already know what the source of your feelings of

not enough. If you know it, keep reading, as you
I will explain how you can fix it. If you don't know, I encourage you to
that you participate in my powerful hypnosis exercise, the one that
you will be able to find in my complete program I Am
Sufficient. This program will allow you to locate the scenes.
early in your life where you acquired the beliefs that you
they said you were not enough. Finding this moment in
your life can be very enriching and liberating. A lot
gente evita hacer esto toda su vida, asegurando
indeed they will have addictions or problems of
behavior, and yet, they do not need to follow
avoiding it because the techniques in the program YoSoy
They are powerful enough to reverse this belief.
fundamentally limiting. You can find more
information in the next site:
www.iamenough.com/resources.

Once you have that isolated belief, it's time to

get rid of her. Just like the previous chapters of
this book has been discussed, you can use the power of the
repetition to do this.

Exercise

Put the phrase 'I am enough' in places where you see it.
repeatedly every day. You can write it on your mirror with
a marker or a lipstick, put it in the refrigerator, put it
as a daily reminder on your phone, set it as your
screensaver on your computer and put it on the board of
instruments in your car. Change your passwords so that
contain these words so that you have to write them and
read every day.

Then, regularly tell yourself out loud that you are

enough. Say it over and over again in the shower. Let it be a
statement of truth. Say it to yourself in moments of
anxiety or if you feel inadequate. Say it in multiple
times: "I am enough, I have always been enough,
I will always be enough.

The power of I Am Enough lies in its simplicity and in its

absolute truth.

Many people adopt the power of affirmations.

positive as a means to change their life, and
previously in this book I discussed the power of using a
specific, relevant, and up-to-date language for rethinking
how you think about things. But I want to emphasize here that,
"I am enough" is not getting hopes up or acting "like
yes. It's not the same as saying: 'I am a goddess,' 'I am rich and
"powerful" or "I am perfect". Those things may or may not be
truth depends on the perceptions of other people
have of you. On the other hand, 'I am enough' is a
statement of fact. Every person on the planet, by virtue
of its existence, is sufficient and deserving of love. The
the strength of the phrase 'I am enough' lies in its simplicity and
in the mind's ability to accept it rather than
reject it.

Although studies show that a minimum is needed

from 10 to 21 days to let go of a belief and fix a new one,
it will be easier for your mind to accept the belief 'I am'
sufficient" if you use the tool of repetition. Indeed,
What happens is that your mind says: 'You say this all the
time, so it must be true." You make your
"sufficiency" feels so familiar to you that it ends up
integrate.

Once you have mastered the belief that you are

sufficient and you are affirming it in your daily life,
share it with your family, friends, children, and colleagues. Me
I love receiving letters from parents saying that teaching them to
Your children have been helped by this truth to overcome bullying.
school-related and other forms of childhood anxiety. I have seen that this
tremendously powerful belief works for many
people, and I know it can also work for you and your
loved ones. One of the parents wrote this phrase in the
pillow of your son and on the cushions of the house, another one
turned into a work of art in his son's room and
reported amazing and super fast changes in the
self-esteem of your child. Once you know that you are
enough, you will not go to rest —instead.
You will get a boost to build a fulfilling life and
loving, the family and the career that you know belongs to you
because you will know with unwavering conviction that it
you deserve it and you are worthy of it.

CHAPTER 9
Criticism Destroys; Praise Builds

Believing without talent can take you further than talent.

without conviction, but when you have both you are unstoppable.
Marisa Peer, Author

The next time you are in your office or when you

together with friends, pay attention to what happens when
someone receives a compliment. You don't have to listen much
before something similar to the following scenario occurs:

The person who gives the compliment: 'Oh, I love that'

The blouse you're wearing looks great on you.

The person receiving the compliment: 'Oh, this? The

I bought it at a charity shop years ago. It's so old!

O:

The person who gives the compliment: 'You did a great job'
In that presentation; I think the boss liked it a lot.

The person receiving the compliment: 'Oh no, really the

armed at the last minute. I also made several mistakes.
times.

Sounds familiar? Of course it does. We are socialized.

from a relatively young age to object when
we receive compliments. We divert, minimize and we
we despise because we have been taught that the worst thing
What we can be is an arrogant person. Even if
we know or agree with the compliment that
we are receiving, we do not allow ourselves to accept it —
we divert.

Refusing to accept compliments is one thing. But that does not

it is everything we are naturally good at like
humans. Our other harmful habit is being hypersensitive to
the criticisms. If we write a text in a blog that generates 40
positive comments and two negative ones, we will focus and
we will obsess over the negative comments and
we will see the whole publication as a failure. If we do
a dinner for our family, we will allow that the
negative comments from our mother-in-law ruin everything for us
the food, instead of listening to everyone else that
They insist that the food is delicious.

The why we do this is less important than

recognize the negative effects it has on our
self-esteem, productivity, and confidence in ourselves.
Studies show time and again that giving a
fulfilling someone can change the energy of the whole
room in a positive way; our negative to accept
those compliments work to our own detriment. This chapter
is dedicated to teaching you how to reverse that bad habit.

Praise yourself
The truth is that nothing boosts your self-esteem and you
strengthens like praise does. Most people
think that praise must come from external forces,
but that's where they are wrong. Praising oneself
it has a tremendous power that the most successful people of
the world uses as a tool.
 Think of it this way: when someone praises you, a
they have a hidden intention. Even if it is not
a bad intention, maybe they are trying to flatter you to
that you be his friend or hoping that you praise his book or his
blog post, if they do it for yours. But when
you praise yourself in a direct and relevant language, you
you have to believe it. You know that you are not operating from
no type of intention to distrust.
Effect, when you praise yourself, you also benefit.
This dates back to chapters 1 and 2, where we learned that
the most important words you hear are the ones that you
you tell yourself and the ones you believe.

But Marisa, I don't want to sound arrogant. No one likes it.

I like a narcissist! I'm not advocating that you convey
how wonderful you are on Facebook or that you tell yourself
same things that are not true about your abilities.
Praising yourself is simply improving your dialogue.
internal so that you can reap the benefits it brings
receive compliments— even if you are the only one who does. Tell yourself
the same that you are warm, affectionate, kind, and a good friend.
daughter/son, mother/father, etc. If you only ate foods
healthy for several nights in a row, congratulate yourself
internally for that. Or if you have maintained your habit of
blog for a whole week, congratulate yourself for that. You are
small amounts of incremental praise have a
aggregated effect that can be very powerful in your
self-esteem. Praise yourself for who you are as much as for what you
you do, since it's the fastest way to increase your
self-esteem. After all, self-esteem means
literally what YOU think of YOURself, not what others
people think of you, or it would be called another self-esteem or their
esteem.

If you are not sure how to improve this dialogue, here

there is good advice. Ask a close friend or a
familiar —maybe one who also wants to work on their
own levels of praise—that gives you honest feedback
about how they hear you talk about yourself. We tend to
to have many linguistic habits that our friends
they catch us, but we don't realize it until someone
point out. Maybe you say things like, 'Well, of course
I forgot my keys because I always make mistakes.
To say, "As expected, I completely ruined the
presentation." "No one is going to want a single mother with
cellulite. Listen to your friends' comments about
how you hear yourself talk about yourself and prepare for
change them if they say that you often use harsh words or
criticism. There is another very good reason, in fact, vital for
stop being critical. The reason is that PET studies (for their
abbreviation in English, positron emission tomography) and of
brain mapping of the University of California in Los
Angels (UCLA) show that an important source of the
depression is caused by harsh, hurtful, and critical words
what we tell ourselves on a regular basis. Here
está cómo detener esto. En los próximos días presta
pay attention to the way you talk to yourself, listen to the
words you use when you are punishing yourself and
then change them for words that have less meaning.
If you call yourself an idiot or a loser or a fool,
just change it to silly.

I was teaching this to a group of bankers and them

pedí que me dijeran las palabras que más usaban para
to criticize themselves. One of the women who offered herself
voluntarily said that she called herself a
stupid bitch, while a man said that it was said to himself
same that was a waste of space. If you do this,
detente—stop now—and start replacing that voice
harsh, hurtful and critical with kindness. If you would never speak to him
How you talk to yourself, then stop.
You have to be your own best friend and value and praise yourself.
yourself. By doing so, you make it much easier for
Others follow your example.

Talk to yourself as you would talk to a good friend.

If your friend arrived late or messed up a presentation, it is
It's likely that you don't say: 'You're a worthless person for
being late and you are terrible at your job. Simply
you did your best given the circumstances and
"Nobody is perfect!" The more you can be the best friend.
from your own brain, you will find more opportunities
to praise you when they arise. This is a calm habit of
almost all the successful people I work with. When
consider your internal dialogue, just remember the mantra:

Criticism destroys, praise builds.

An interesting example from my own life was when

I wrote one of my first books. I am very lucky to
I have published several books during my career that
they were on the best-seller lists, but in my
in the beginning I didn't have much confidence in my ability to
writing. Furthermore, from a very young age, when I made reports
in school, I was always eager to get the
my father's approval when it came to what I wrote.
Of course, he was not particularly interested in
give it to me. I worked very hard in those days, hoping that my
Dad would read what he had written and feel proud. But
then I realized that waiting for my father's praise
It wasn't necessary; I could start by praising myself.

Writing a book is a long and lonely process that

requires a great deal of resolution and commitment. Me
I realized in the first days of working on my manuscript
that I would never finish it if I waited until the end to
obtain external approval —from my father, an editor or
any other person. So, I decided not to do it.
 While I was writing, I was telling myself in my head that this book
It was great, it would help a lot of people and it would sell.
many copies. I didn't know if it was true or not, but it was that
internal stimulus gave me commitment and resolution
to continue until I was ready. When I finally
I finished, I took the unusual step of sending the book as a
"unsolicited manuscript" to the editors. Essentially,
this means that the editors had not requested it, but it
I sent it anyway. Here, within a few months
I had a publishing contract for my book and one more year.
afternoon was at the bookstores.

While I was delighted that my book had a

great acceptance and would sell many copies, the next thing that
what happened was really surprising. My dad called me and
congratulated me for my book and my writing skills and me
he said he was immensely proud of me, something that I did not
I used to do something that I desperately wanted to hear.
since I can remember! But by the time it finally
He did, guess what? I didn't need to hear it anymore. There was
longed for my father's approval for so long until
that I realized I could tell myself the
words I wanted him to say to me; it would have the same
effect because the mind cannot notice the difference. So,
I repeated all the words I wanted to hear and really
worked. Once I did that, the external praise
they became less important and I was able to operate like the
confident and self-assured writer, who had always
dear being.

I think this is one of the most misunderstood parts.

of self-development and therapy. People sit in
a therapy chair for years trying to recover the
love, the approval or praise they never received from
someone they needed. Simply, you don't need to do
We all need praise and love, but not them
we need a single source. While life will certainly be
easier initially if you have loving parents, it doesn't help
to say that people who did not have loving parents do not have
good luck. You can undo years of criticism and lack of love with
self-love and praises to yourself. After decades of
dealing with many people, I have learned that the brain
humans simply do not notice the difference. The truth is that
happy and evolved people who are successful and
they fulfill their dreams they are not the people who have been the most
loved and praised from a young age. Rather,
they are the people who learn and master the art of
to praise oneself. It's not about arrogance or deception, it
It's about trust and the most important thing is that it's a tool.
that will help you get to wherever you want to go. Just
you need to observe people like Oprah Winfrey, Tony
Robbins and Adele to see that in action.

Once you master the art of praising yourself for

big and small things will make it easier for you to accept
the praise of others with humility and gratitude. When
if someone gives you a compliment, you will not downplay it or it
you will reject. Rather, you will say, 'Thank you very much for noticing,'
I also like this blouse. It's my favorite" or, "Thank you,
I also feel that the presentation went well.
after all, that's exactly how they behave
children. Before they have learned the socially art
accepted from the devaluation, they are more than happy to
accept that they are the most beautiful children, the smartest and
the most charming in the room. When you have the
habit of accepting compliments from all sources—the most
important, of yourself—your self-esteem, the functioning
your brain and your productivity will thank you. The
admirable people do admirable things and carry them out
admirable acts. The most commendable act is to excel in
to praise others and yourself.
Dealing with harsh criticisms
Accepting compliments and praising yourself regularly is
key, but your work does not end there, of course. You will see, the
another side of our human inclination to reject the
the compliments are that we are more than eager to internalize the
critiques. Time and again I have seen this disconnection with my
clients instinctively deflect compliments and always
they trust that the criticisms are true, regardless of where they come from
come. As I mentioned earlier in this chapter, we
we focus on negative feedback, even if it is
smaller in comparison to the amount of feedback
positive that we received. This trend is a reflection of the trait
human of negativity bias, which is the reason why
news channels only cover the horrible atrocities
that occur in the world. Those things are considered more
interesting that the peaceful moments and the examples of
progress, so we focus only on the negative
despite all the good things that happen.

No matter what you do, negativity and criticism

they will probably exist in your life. After all, no one
it is perfect, and even if you are close to being it, there will always be
people who disapprove of or disagree with it
What are you doing or who are you with. For some people with
family members too critical, this kind of
constant criticism can be extremely harmful; with
the weather causes depression and other serious problems of
mental health. I have seen many people in my office who
they suffer a lot because they grew up in a family
too critical to escape from. The response
for those people, they must learn not to let in
the criticisms and divert them with strategies that prevent that
negatively affect their brain. The rest of this
This chapter will be dedicated to explaining how to do it.
 Almost all of us have met a person who
is constantly scolding, criticizing, or saying things
negatives about other people. In fact, many of my
former clients have been this type of people when
they entered my office for the first time. One could suppose that
overly critical people have everything figured out, but,
in fact, that is not the case at all. Inside,
they tend to be the most unhappy people.

Overly critical people see life as a

swaying, with themselves sitting on the left side
going down the sway with its weight. The only way to rise or
feeling superior is adding weight to the right side, in order to
push it down. So that's what they do in
form of criticism. But here is another obvious thing, like Eleanor
Roosevelt once said: 'No one can make you feel inferior'
without your consent.” If you do not allow people
severe and critical negativity is put upon you —if they
you reject directly—they will not be able to overwhelm you.

The first thing you need to do to limit the

the amount of criticism you receive is simply to avoid and
remove people and critical comments where
You can. Don't read negative comments on the Internet and block them.
to the people on social media who are critical of you
and with the others. If you have old friends who seem
constantly criticizing you, just stop dating
them. If the media you consume seems full of criticism
to women and minorities and the less fortunate,
just don't read them. This step can have a big
impact on the quality of the information you receive during
days, weeks, and months.

Once you have removed the easy things like the

as mentioned earlier, it is likely that some
critical and severe people still remain. After
everything, no matter how much we would sometimes like to, we cannot
eliminate our colleagues or mother-in-law or other members
critics of the family. But what we can control is whether
we let their words in or not. Here are my five
tactics for dealing with severe and critical people who do not
you can eliminate from your life:

When someone tells you something bad, and it's clear that they are
trying to get a response or to make you feel bad,
you simply say to them: 'Thank you for sharing that'. This
end the conversation, since you are not here
countering what they told you nor inviting them to
expand more on the first comment. Simply
you can say this and then change the subject.

2. If what the person has said is really

unpleasant, consider asking him to repeat it. For example,
If a colleague says, 'Well, as a speaker you are so...
wood, which is an insult to wood,” you can say:
I didn't understand what you just said. Can you repeat it?
it is more likely that, when the person is confronted with
do not repeat your critical words again.

3. If after completing point 2, the person does repeat their

criticism, then ask them the following: 'Are you trying
to make me feel bad? Is that why you said it?
this is pointed out to the person who has said something hurtful and
invites you to explain yourself or to apologize. Often, the
hard and critical people do not know the effect they have
his words, so this points them out without accusing them
directly.

4. If the person in question does not retract immediately

saying 'Oh, it's nothing' / 'I didn't mean that' / 'Me and my
boca grande” o “No, no quería que te sintieras mal. Pensé
that if I let you know, you would ask for help to talk or not
you would volunteer again.” If they say: “Yes, I wanted you to
 If you feel bad, then you just say: 'Well, that
it's not going to work because I'm not going to let that in.
As simple as that. Then change the subject.

5. Finally, if a tough and critical person does not give in despite

of all the previous efforts, then you must tell them
the truth about tough and critical people. You can say
something like, 'Given that we are making comments
Here, did you know that critical people hold back
the worst criticisms for themselves? In fact, to criticize
the others is an external expression of dissatisfaction
internal. You should not like yourself. I'm sorry that you
you feel this way.

In fact, something funny happens when you start watching

to severe and critical people through this lens: it is
It is possible that you feel more compassion for them. You will give.
they account for the fact that they are neither perfect nor happy, but rather
on the contrary. This is a great thing to teach your children
if you are experiencing bullying at school: that a
the stalker is not about what your child has done wrong, but about
how the harasser feels about their own life.

CHAPTER 10
Sing Your Own Song

But you have to make your own kind of music, Sing your
your own special song, Create your own type of music even
if no one else sings with you.
Paloma Faith, Artist

I am an unconventional therapist and I plan to always be one.

That's why I created my own therapy known as
Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (TTR™). Clients me
they often visit with very complicated problems, but I have
discovered that solving or eliminating those problems does not
it has to be long or complicated. Almost all my clients
they have unmet needs that originated in their
childhood. When they were children, their needs for love/
security/support/recognition/praise/connection/
importance or care were not met. As they were
dependent children and could not meet those needs
by themselves, they formed a belief that said something like:
My needs are not met, I can't do it myself.
same and will never be satisfied for the rest of my life.
This may start as a fleeting thought, but
soon it becomes a fixed thought habit and a
fixed belief. These children grow into adults who
they carry that belief with them and because they still
they feel incapacitated and unable to meet their
needs, they look for another person who will finally arrive at
finally satisfy all the unmet needs that
they have taken to their adult life. They believe that they need and must
find someone who makes them feel better, someone who
I loved them, someone who gives them self-esteem, but the truth is
that there is no one who can satisfy all our needs
needs, nor can we satisfy all the
needs of others. We have to meet our
own needs.

So, here is a question: What are your

unmet needs and who do you think will come to
satisfy them? Is it a lover, a partner, an employer, a
father, a friend or will you have your own child? If you think that
someone else must take on the job of making you better,
you will always be disappointed and you will always be in need,
while if you believe you can satisfy many of your
your own needs, you will do better in life and you will be a
more attractive possibility for others.
 Responsibility means the ability to respond. Everyone
we are responsible for our happiness; we cannot give it
this work to another person and after all, if someone else
it has the power to make you happy, then it also has the
power to make you unhappy. Happiness is an inner work.
Itisnotadestinationyouarriveateither,itisthejourneyinwhich
you are now and every day.

Don't wait for Mr. Perfect or Miss Perfect or the

correct work, either a house or a baby to make you happy—be
happy now and it is much more likely that you will attract more
happiness.

If you have a need for praise and recognition,

praise and recognize yourself.

If you have a need for love, start by loving yourself.

yourself truly and really.

If you need to be celebrated, celebrate yourself.

same.

If you need to feel safe in the world, what can you do?
make that happen?

Once you can identify your needs as

belonging to a small child who did not have the capacity
to meet those needs, you can also identify
that you are no longer that boy or girl; you don't need to feel that way anymore;
now you are free to take responsibility for doing your
happy and fulfilling life.

As a child, it is true that not being loved is frightening.

We feel that we will die without love and care and it doesn't make
We would have died a long time ago without love and without people.
We lived in tribes or walled and closed communities.
Our security came from being part of a group whose
numbers mattered and being alone was terrifying and
potentially deadly. This is why most of the
societies practice exclusion as a punishment very
cash. All our behaviors are designed
to ensure our survival; we are born with needs
that drive us to find a connection and to avoid the
rejection in order to increase our possibilities of
survival.

These powerful drivers are the reason why the

children (and adults) suffer both from bullying and
exclusion. These incidents can leave us with scars and
damages, since they give us proof that they do not like us
others, we are not good enough, not like everyone
others. Our need to connect, to belong
it is essential, so we feel that we will die if our
the relationship ends, we will die if we don't eat soon,
we will die if things don't work out, we will die if we are
rejected or humiliated. None of this is true, but they are
beliefs and programmed evolutionary behaviors in
we to ensure that we did not take risks, that we did not
we would venture into the unknown and, therefore, that
we survived. And here you are, you have survived, you will not die if
you do not belong to a group. The rejection that we all face
as we move forward in life it hasn't killed you.

However, it still feels like I could do it and

the lyrics of the songs certainly foster this
deeply rooted belief that we are weak and
fragile if we are rejected, when that is not true. It is
it's true that it hurts, but it doesn't have to harm us. Here is
some lyrics from thousands of songs that give you the same
mensaje:
I will die if you leave me
I can't live without you
 You are the only one in the world for me
I will never surpass you
My world is empty without you
I can't breathe without you
Everyone suffers
Nothing compares to you
I would rather go blind
Crazy
Cry me a river

It's time to sing a new song with lyrics

inspiring. While it is true that it is easy to deceive ourselves with
lyrics of tragic songs that feed the lie that
we cannot live without love, it is also true that the
survival songs with survival lyrics are
deeply motivating and stimulating because they say the
truth. And the truth is that humans are resilient,
capable of changing and trained to face the
adversity because we are survivors. At the parties, the
women always dance and sing loudly the song of
Gloria Gaynor 'I Will Survive' or the one by Beyonce 'I'm A
Survivor because the lyrics remind them of their resilience
fighter spirit.

Let's look at it this way. The child with needs.

unsatisfied is listening to sad songs in a
constant cycle feeding on letters that keep them
feeling helpless. The adult prefers to listen
motivational songs that empower them. So,
when adversity strikes you, you can choose to sing lyrics
sad or empowering. You can choose between giving yourself beliefs.
powerful thoughts or those that take away your power.

I love the power of songs. I often give to

my clients song lyrics to sing over and over again
because repetition programs positive thoughts in
they and this is the precursor of positive actions. The
politicians and athletes prefer to enter a stadium with
powerful music because it motivates them and also because it puts
powerful images and words in their minds and in the
minds of your audience. It's time to choose a list of
edifying reproduction and singing a positive song. Here
Here are some of my favorites:

(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life – Bill Medley

Feeling Good – Nina Simone
This Girl Is on Fire – Alicia Keys
Titanium - Sia
The Greatest Love of All – Whitney Houston
Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen
Nature Boy – Nat King Cole
Make It Happen – Mariah Carey
Shackles (Praise you) – Mary Mary
Praise You – Fatboy Slim
Itchycoo Park – The Small Faces

Make them your ringtone, make sure that

this is the song you wake up to and it changes your
thoughts and beliefs forever.

Let's take a look at what I call thoughts in

circle. These are thoughts that do not serve you, that spin
in an endless circle trapping you instead of freeing you and
empowered. Circular thoughts are like these:

I can't do this
I am not up to the task.
I always end up being rejected
Things never go well for me.
Everything always goes wrong
I don't matter, I don't count
 No matter how hard I try, I can't lose weight.
maintain a relationship/earn enough money, etc., etc.

The more you say or think these things, the more it

they will become your reality. Please remember that each
word, every sentence you say is forming the plan that you
mind and body continue until it becomes your
reality.

Everything begins with a thought. Your doubt now is the

result of the thoughts you think and the beliefs
What do you think? Trying to change your negative habits and actions.
it only works if you first change your thoughts because
your thoughts dictate your actions and your results. The
thoughts that do not change can block your
actions, as we are designed to act from a
way that makes our thoughts validated
like true ones. The greatest strength in all of us
We must act in a way that is consistent.
with our way of thinking and how we define ourselves. The
words that we think and say make our
mind, body, and psyche act in a way that those
thoughts become our reality. Here is a
example of the cycle and how it works:

Our thoughts control and dictate our

feelings.
Our feelings control and dictate our
actions.
Our actions control and dictate our events.

And we return to the beginning of this circle to reaffirm the

original thoughts.

Thought
I am not enough.
 Feeling
Anger/ impotence/ hopelessness/ feeling blocked.
Acción del pensamiento
I push people away because I don't want them to discover that I am
inadequate.
Result of thought
I feel lonely and dissatisfied.
Reinforced thinking
I am not enough.

Thought
I can't lose weight. No matter what I do. I am
destined to be fat.
Feeling
I feel helpless, hopeless, ashamed, and
out of control.
Action of thought
Like in excess to comfort me.
Outcome of thought
Reinforce the feeling that I have no control over it.
what I eat or what I weigh.
Reinforced thinking
I am destined to be fat forever.

Clara couldn't stop eating. She ate very quickly.

devouring his food. He only bought the most food.
cheap and would eat anything in front of him. Never
she registered the feeling of being satisfied and could not stand it
el negarse a sí misma ninguna comida. Por lo tanto, nunca
she could go on a diet since doing so would send her into a
terrible spiral of feeling rejected and that increased her
food craving (something that happens frequently with the
diets and the reason why they have a failure rate
huge). We looked at her past. She came from a great
family with little money and as the youngest, if she didn't eat her
quickly eat their older brothers would take the
food from your plate and they would eat it. He never had the
opportunity to serve oneself a second portion since everyone
they finished before her. She was never allowed to stand up.
the table or wasting food and how, often there wasn't
enough she learned to eat anything and everything
quickly. She could never choose what she would eat and kept
this pattern by pure habit and acceptance.

I made him say:

That's not me because I'm not five years old. I don't fight with
my brothers for food. I can eat slowly and
savor every bite.

That's not me because nobody takes food from my plate.

That's not me because I can choose to leave food behind.

plate knowing that I will always have enough to eat
because I am in charge of what I eat and how I eat it
now and always.

That will never be me again, never again because I have my

I choose to buy and eat the food that I want.
I want.

I made her say this forcefully several times, since she

I was justifying why it wasn't that girl and never again.
I would need to act, feel, or react like that girl.

Observe any of your behaviors with which

you are not satisfied and recognize that your thoughts and
negative beliefs are almost certainly remnants of your
unmet needs when you were a child, will end
with this. Once you are aware that the
feelings and behaviors that you are not
satisfied comes from your childhood, you will be ready to do
some powerful changes. I have clients who look
scenes from his past and they say out loud, 'that's not me'
because," and they complete the sentence. When doing so, they end up with the
circular thoughts and the behaviors that
they derive from those thoughts.

By saying: 'It ’s not me,' it begins forcibly and

repetitively a new thought process. To say:
"It's not me," it first interrupts, then breaks and then
Put an end to old thought habits once and for all.
and action.

Each action habit is driven by a habit of

thought; first we make our thoughts and
then our thoughts make us. Then we seek
proof that our thoughts are true and,
generally, these can be found whether our
thoughts can be useful or useless. You can create
better thoughts and much more beneficial to you
ayuden en cualquier momento. Comencemos ahora y
let's do it every day consistently until it stops
be what you do and become who you are. Thinking that
You are worthy of love while you are at home, it's not the same.
You need the new and powerful thoughts
motivators lead you to socialize and radiate what is worthy of love
what you are, which is much easier when you know it
first. Your body has no choice but to react to
the thoughts you think, the words you say and the
images that you build. However, you can choose to
make those thoughts, words, and images be
only positives.

In summary, you have changed the thoughts that now

you recognize that they belong to a child with needs
dissatisfied and have stopped the thoughts in a circle at
to say "it's not me" in a powerful voice. Now you are
taking the new actions required by the new
thought and you get the new and lasting result.
You also sing the powerful lyrics of songs to
connect the new beliefs because it is such a way
simple, fun, and effective to do.

CAPÍTULO 11
Building a Romantic Relationship Begins
With Yourself

Being in love with yourself is a romance for

all life that never fades, tires you or you
disappoints.
Marisa Peer, Author

Until this chapter, this book has been dedicated

mainly your relationship with yourself. But, very to
often, the people who come to my consultation are there to
talk about their romantic relationships and wonder why
they can't make it work with someone they love
so much.

Exercise

Go back to the question I asked you earlier:

What are your unmet needs and who do you expect?
so that you can solve them?

That is not me because ...

That is no longer me because …
I will never be that again because ...
 Complete the blanks, repeat it several times and
make sure to say it assertively and loudly.
I want you to imagine that I am in the room and tell me.
You must say and justify.

ehnsotucoyflnoadncsm
uioicsnocbuesT
h
present, while your conscious mind can
focus on the future. The reason for the pain or depression
it feels like it will always be there is because the
subconscious mind, which is the mind that feels, only
it works in the here and now. This is another reason why
the visualization of changes very far in the future does not work, already
that the subconscious mind does not see further ahead. It only sees
now. Once you have repeatedly presented your
"It's not me because ......," in your mind, you can
to think and believe new thoughts.

New thoughts in circles work because now

you:

You think new thoughts.

Create new thoughts.

These new thoughts drive new actions.

which correspond to new results. This, in turn, goes back to the
beginning of the circle to reinforce new thoughts and
that you keep repeating them.

This is how it works:

I am not a child trying to make an alcoholic parent me

It's not me because ... I neither want nor need the love of
someone like that.

It's not me because now I see that it wasn't that I didn't

He did not love himself.
 It is not me and it will never be me because I am not a child
defenseless and dependent, I am a wonderful and worthy adult
to be loved.

Now we have incorporated new thoughts that

the mind will not be able to reject: I know that I am worthy of being loved
(new thought). This drives new actions that
they help to find love.

The paradox of relationships is this: If you are dating or

do you marry or live with someone who believes they are not worthy of
to be loved, it is very difficult to have a healthy relationship or
to correspond to your love. Likewise, if you think that you do not
You are worthy of being loved, the same is true. This chapter
it's at the end of the book because I want to emphasize that you will not be able to
effectively fix your relationships with others
people in your life until you improve your relationship with yourself
same. Much of how to do it is described in the
previous chapters of this book, but here I want to emphasize the
idea of the ability to be loved.

Bad relationships can take many forms, but

the people who stay in them tend to have something
in common. They are afraid of ending the relationship —without
import how bad it is—because they are terrified of not being
beloved outside of her. It is a tragedy to see someone
burning out in a bad relationship because they feel that
no one else will love them if they leave. But the truth is that a
the feeling of being loved cannot come from another person,
it must come from within.

If the idea of learning to love yourself seems

impossible, consider the fact that you once loved each other
effortlessly. When you were a baby, you communicated clearly
your needs (mainly crying) and you accepted
happily all the love and care they gave you because
You instinctively knew you deserved it. As we discussed in
in Chapter Eight, you simply knew you were enough.
It was only when you grew older and learned the opposite,
that you started to tolerate being with someone who did not love you
how you deserved to be loved.

So, how does this happen? How did we learn that

Were we not worthy of being loved? Usually, this comes
from a comparison, or as I like to call it—being loved
with conditions. Our parents could have told us:
Oh, you are so smart to get good grades, you
I love you for that
With these subtle statements, we learn that love
it depends on being intelligent, fun or attractive and
we stop believing that we can be loved just as we are.
Some of us had parents who threatened to
take away your love if we did not behave in a way that
I will not love you if you do that.
["I want you when you behave that way.","I will leave if you behave."]
bad.

It is important to remember that our survival as

children are connected to us being liked by our parents and
if it seems like we don't always do it, we believe it's
our fault. Our young minds lack logic
before the age of three years and, therefore, we believe
that if things are not happy at home, we are in trouble and
we have to change our own behavior, in
place to see the truth that parents are wrong
and they must change their behavior. The children
children should idealize adults because they know about
innate way that their survival depends on that the
adults take care of them. Therefore, believing everything they say
adults, children begin to adapt to try to
to please them. When they hear this type of statement
that love depends on, they come from a state of 'I am'
worthy of love,” to one of “Please love me.” It is a
crucial change, although subtle. Then, they do everything that
they can to ensure that their parents continue
giving them the love they once received effortlessly.
When it doesn't work, they change their thinking to 'No
you love me and if you don't love me, no one else will.
that customers unravel the held beliefs
for so long (lies) that they were not it
sufficiently worthy of being loved because their parents
they were always working / dad left / mom preferred the
new husband / new baby, etc., they realized that
they had added another very useless belief to the already harmful one
belief that they were not worthy of love.

The belief they added was that it would always be.

this way, it would be this way forever, for the rest of his life. You will see,
the children cannot fix this, they cannot improve it and
that is why they assume it must be their fault. Since they cannot
fix it and they will never be able to do it, this is how it begins the
damage that can last a lifetime, unless
let's find someone who can help us change this
TM
forever. I believe my role as a TTR therapist is
how to be a detective and a dentist at the same time.
the detective gathers information, searches for clues and
determine what went wrong with my client and for what reason. The
the dentist extracts all the toxic beliefs and the
ancient toxic things (in the form of habits and
behaviors) and leaves the customer feeling happy,
balanced, changed and prosperous, knowing and resonating that
it really is, it has always been and it will always be worthy of being
Beloved. It's a big change and seeing it in my clients gives me a
immense joy.

As adults, an impressive number of people go

in search of love and acceptance with a mindset of
Please love me, instead of the unbreakable belief
I am worthy of being loved. While a child can
to become a perfectionist or the class clown
to ensure that it remains 'smart' or
"fun" for their parents, as adults people
they tend to do everything possible to make someone love them—
even if it is self-destructive.

Maybewebecomecodependent,orweturninto
in a paternal caretaker of our partner, despite the fact that
they are adults. Or maybe we focus on our careers and
dreams in the background because our partner needs
feeling more important and it will not help us raise children. These
adjustments can take many different forms, but the
The underlying theme is that we are not sufficient enough.
good to be loved by ourselves; we must
to win it somehow. Also, often, this ends up
with people who have unhappy relationships because they live
to please someone else instead of pleasing oneself
same.

The number one way to go from 'Please love me' to

"I am worthy of being loved," is what we discussed in the
Chapter Eight: believing that you are enough. If you are now in
a relationship fighting to make it work or have you been
searching for love for years and it seems like you can't
finding the right person for you is very likely to be
your belief system about what you deserve is the
problem. Once you stop focusing on your relationship with
your other half and focus on yourself using the
tools from the previous chapters, it is possible that
you will find that your relationships improve instantly.
After all, people in the happiest relationships
they are people who are also happy by themselves.

When we are dependent children, we must belong and

for many of us when we are not completely
insurance of belonging, that the people who raise us
they love, value, and celebrate us just for being ourselves,
we only have four ways in which we can behave
to ensure that we are important and
indispensable. The four roles we will assume as children
to convince us that we are important and worthy of
love they are

The Sick Person

This is so effective for getting attention, time and
care, that most people who take this
they never leave the role and become hypochondriacs forever
life. Always visiting doctors or sharing their latest
allergy or ailment and receiving special treatment due to
That. The boy whose mother had to buy food without
gluten or rubbing his chest with cream for the rash each
night, form a belief: "I wasn't sure that I
you will love me, but I can see that I matter to you by the efforts that
"You do to keep me healthy." One of my clients.
he acknowledged that his sister, who was deaf, received a lot of
attention and they always took her from Scotland to London to see
to different specialists. She formed a powerful belief:
you need to be sick for them to notice you, you only get
"attention when something is wrong with you" and then their belief
became fixed, which made it harder to discover and
understand. But once she did, she was able to
to permanently overcome both the belief and the
behavior of being sick.

The Outstanding
The successful person satisfies their need to be indispensable.
becoming outstanding in something. This can be in the
academic or in sports. When we lived in tribes, the
a person who could hunt an animal or build a house
faster was always essential and that's why
that today children represent these same needs.
Unfortunately, the boy who had to take out the
better grades to make a parent proud or win in everything
just to get your attention becomes an adult who
cannot give up this learned behavior
despite causing him immense stress. A client who was
very competitive and I always had to be the best it came to me
seeing with headaches and ulcers and began to see that his
absent father only showed interest when he became a
outstanding student. Another client said that his father did not
he was paying attention until he noticed her talent for the
sports and then I went to all the games to feel proud
about your son's achievements. Both children learned the same
mensaje: “Importo si soy el mejor.Obtengo atención si logro
And if I stop achieving, I am no longer important.

The Caregiver
This child learns to earn love, praise, and the
recognition addressing the needs of everyone for
above theirs. They will take care of their parents and others
brothers, will cook, will clean, will run errands and will do
anything to make themselves indispensable to the group.
As adults, they often become nurses,
caregivers, therapists. They have the belief that love
must be earned, pursued, and worked for, and often it
they are attracted to wounded and emotionally hurt people
damaged ones they help to move forward only to
to discover that that person will abandon them later. My
the client was a successful lawyer, but she only dated
losers and alcoholics. He remembered that his mother was
married to a diplomat and she was a chronic alcoholic and no
he paid attention to his daughter, except when he was drinking
too much. When that happened, he would call his daughter to his
room and convincing her to get rid of the bottles
empty and secretly take more alcohol from the kitchen to
then congratulate her and tell her she was wonderful. She learned
that their need for love and affection was only satisfied when
I was taking care of someone else and of course, when going out with
alcoholics, played the role in which their own need
of love and care was filled when taking care of someone else. A
as soon as all this was clarified, she made a radical turn and left
with someone who had something better to offer him and never again
he looked back.

The Rebel
The rebel is often the youngest child or a child of
successful parents. Because the other three roles have already been
they take the only one left, which is to be rebellious
It's hard, in an effort to stand out. If that doesn't
it works, so they try to take power away from the figures
of authority to have authority over them. Much later
that they have left their parents' house, the rebel continues
acting to be the center of attention and their inability
to stop feeling insignificant in his childhood makes him
tremendous stress and unhappiness. Joey was addicted to the
extreme sports and always got hurt. His wife was
furious because they had a small child and she was always
worried that he would become disabled. The
he described his childhood where there were three older brothers,
very busy parents and the only attention he received
was when he fell off his skateboard or when he fell for
about the handlebars of his bicycle, and although his parents
they said I should stop taking such dangerous risks, he loved
the attention he received and was the difficult rebel that always
He was in trouble. He was able to see how it led him to this.
behavior to his adulthood and that was no longer useful to him, and
To the great relief of his wife, he stopped taking such risks.

When you understand the role you were playing or that you had.
assigned you can free yourself and have a different role as a
adult in a happy and enriching relationship. My expression
favorite, that I came to use after seeing how they worked
estos roles es:“Actuamos el único rol que hemos conocido
until that role becomes ours. My job is to show you
a better and healthier role that you can play. It is possible.
that you felt you had no other choice but to
to play a certain role as a child, but as an adult,
now you are free to renounce that part and perform the
the role of a beloved adult worthy of love.

What does sex have to do with this?

I am often surprised by the fact that in my
seminars, talks, and courses that I give all over the world,
Many people seem to treat sex as a kind of
last minute idea. Whether it is about
prudishness, shyness or lack of familiarity when talking about it,
few people seem to realize how important it is
it is a healthy sex life —not just for a relationship
loving, but for your own health and personal well-being,
to feel powerfully connected to another person, and to
May those bonds last, then prioritize a happy sex life.
can help make all these things happen.

Why is sex so powerful? On a biological level, the

sex changes the chemistry of your brain and acts like a
powerful antidepressant thanks to the avalanche of dopamine
and oxytocin that brings orgasm. Furthermore, studies have
It is known that regular and enjoyable sex is beneficial.
that builds natural killer cells that fight against
all kinds of ailments, including cancer. Even when already
we have passed the age where we can have children, the sex
also offers an anti-aging effect. Our
reptilian brains believe that, if we are still having
sexual relations, there may be a possibility of a baby
—so it keeps us younger in order to care for the
baby who thinks we are doing.

Orgasms improve circulation, provide

lymphatic drainage, helps your body to detoxify,
they improve digestion, brain function, and the state of
motivation, prevent diseases, help repair the
tissues and keep the skin healthy. When we have a
orgasm, our bodies release endorphins that eliminate
cortisol (a hormone that helps your body respond
stress or danger). Orgasms also increase the
cells that fight infections by up to 20% and
they raise the pain thresholds (to prepare their body for
childbirth). Things like migraines and allergies decrease.
in intensity. Many studies show that orgasms
keep you younger and healthier. Orgasms also
counteract depression, and vaginal absorption of
sperm has a natural antidepressant effect (note well:
only consider this in a safe long-term relationship).
In addition to that, we produce oxytocin when we do the
love and we have an orgasm. Oxytocin is known as
the hormone of love and well-being because it makes us feel
well with ourselves and strengthens our bond with
our couple. Having sexual relations helps us to
feeling alive and connected has a lot to offer us and
we must not give up the great amount of benefits
why we get bored or lose our libido.

With all those wonderful health benefits,

how to feel young, vibrant, alive, and powerful
united with our partner—who are completely natural and
free—you would think that happy couples have relationships
sexual all the time, right? But anyone who has
having a long-term relationship knows that maintaining a
A solid sex life can become increasingly difficult. Without
embargo, many people accept that this is the case and
they simply give up sex in exchange for a commitment
in the long term, and along with it, they renounce all those
wonderful health benefits that I mentioned
previously. Some studies have shown that 50%
of marriages are celibate. This is so sad and it has no
why be like this since good sex is one of the things that
can make your relationship special and unique. A great
a relationship requires three things: sexual chemistry, chemistry of
best friends and a deep mutual respect. The chemistry of
best friends doesn't mean that you and your partner do everything
together, avoiding all the other friends, but it means
that your relationship has more than a powerful sexual drive
to keep them united. Therefore, when the
disease, pregnancy or sick children have
priority over your sexual life, your deep bond of
Friendship allows you to go through those moments. Many of my
clients tell me that they have excellent chemistry with
best friends, but without sexual chemistry, and
they simply accept this as something that happens in a
long-term relationship. It is true that in the first two years
From a relationship, we have a powerful sexual drive since
nature is eager to reproduce us. After
So, the sexual drive decreases so that we can pay attention.
in the baby that I believe we have made during our
sexual peak. However, there are ways to maintain a
powerful and exciting sex life all your life, once
what you know how to.

Humans have three brain systems for the

mating and reproduction: sexual desire, love
romantic and the deep attachment. We need to hold the
three, and being able to understand them helps us. To maintain the
sex, it's important to dedicate time to it and realize what it is.
how important it is to maintain a healthy relationship. When
we have regular sexual relations, it helps us to
connect with each other and unite, and this in turn helps to maintain the
romantic love. Touching, holding hands, hugging and
Kissing helps to maintain attachment.

When I had a column as a relationship advisor

in a national newspaper, people wrote to me about all kinds of
intimate and sexual problems. The most common ones always
they were women who could not have an orgasm, men
they felt bad because they couldn't make their partner
had an orgasm and problems with the partner because one of
they lost their sexual desire. Generally, they
they simply accepted this because they didn't know how
overcome it. What love needs to thrive and
surviving is intimacy, absolute trust, security,
stability and certainty. This is what makes going through life
with a long-term partner who supports you being so
well—you know they'll be there for you, they trust each other
they understand and support each other and are always
there for each other. However, good sex needs
something more and quite different from that. Good sex and
particularly erotic sex needs and requires mystery,
drama, emotion, surprise, suspense, the unknown and
even some risk. In fact, it is known that our
bodies become even more excited—and our reproductive system
it is more fertile —when we have sex with someone new and
unknown to us. While many women report
they need to feel safe and loved to have a
orgasm, many more report that nervousness, the
drama, suspense, surprise, and risk are the elements
that provoke it.
 When women have sexual relations with
someone new, her cervix tilts to attract the
sperm. When men have sexual relations
with a stranger, they can triple their production of
sperm. This happens because nature is determined to
keep the species alive by making us more fertile when
we are with a new partner. Nature does not invest in
how happy we are, but in ensuring that we are
orgasmic because we are here to create the next one
generation. Orgasms make this more likely.
I discovered this when I was working with infertile couples.
I knew that fantasy has the same effect as being with.
someone new, since it triples sperm consumption and
tilt the cervix to promote conception. I have let them
I have suggested to many of my clients that they dress up and that
play different roles by going to places
diferentes, usando accesorios visuales y auditivos para
to excite them and increase their ability to conceive.
I recommend that men with a low count of
spermatozoa use fantasy to increase it. Just go
a hotel can do the trick since we are in a new
environment. My clients would return and share stories
funny about how they had conceived, but more
interesting still was that almost everyone said, "God, it was so
fun, so exciting, so different. We are
committed to maintaining this part of our life
sexual yes or yes since it connects us a lot.

When you try to conceive it can be very stressful and the

sex can become a task. The levels of
testosterone increases when men feel
admired and appreciated. And they diminish when couples
they fight. Women produce more cortisol when they are
anxious and this can reduce fertility. When you praise
your partner's stress hormones decrease and the
cholesterol while improving the immune system.
Italsohasthesameeffectonyou,soit'sworthit.
consider anything that makes sex fun,
attractive and with more connection. The role play and return to
Putting fun is easy and we like it. Of course, if you don't...
I like it, it is important not to feel obligated to do it. A
the couple I worked with had to have sex almost every
agreement with her cycle and temperature records
both were exhausted. They thought conceiving their son
it had to be deeply romantic and meaningful and everything
I was returning too slowly and it was a tedious task. I suggested that
they had sex like lions, quick and exciting. It
they tested and conceived their own super fast puppy and them
He was enchanted by the memory of how they had done it.

What love and intimacy require, and what sex

and orgasm require, can be contradictory. Both
they apparently cancel each other out. Love needs
intimacy, while good sex needs mystery. The
intimacy means being comfortable just as you are. You know that
you have intimacy when you can finish the sentences of the
another, when you know what your partner likes and doesn't like and
when you can interpret their mood without something
It has been said. You can share the bathroom and urinate while you
the couple is in the shower. It's wonderful to have this security,
but it is not erotic. You will be surprised to know that nudity
total is not mysterious. The burlesque dancers and the
exotic dancers never start their act completely
nude since the suggestion of nudity and nudity
partials are much more exciting and erotic. The beaches
nudists are not erotic because eroticism requires
mystery.

When the emotion disappears, how do we recover it?

People often blush when I say this, but I have
I have seen many couples revitalize their sexual life—and for that
both their relationships in general —integrating fantasy of
any way. Even if you haven't been involved in a
explicit fantasy, most couples admit that to
They have better sex when they are in a room.
at the hotel or on vacation because of the novelty and the newness
the occasion makes them feel sexier. They do not have
chores, neither children, nor being in a place and
suddenly they feel the urge to have sexual relations.
fantasy works the same way, but you don't have to
spending money going on vacation just to have sex!

If you can understand that intimacy is the enemy of

eroticism, then you can see the problems that arise when
try to maintain a long-term romantic relationship and
happy and that includes good sex. There is more than one answer, without
embargo, fantasy is the bridge that connects intimacy and
Eroticism is the fastest way to maintain a life.
passionate sexual.

People sometimes resist fantasy because they

they feel silly pretending to be someone else, or they feel that they do not
they are up to the fantasy that excites their partner.
Theyalsoseefantasyassomethingsimilartoadeception—
as if admitting that they might want to have a relationship with a
firefighter or a police officer is admitting that they want to have sex with
someone who is not their partner. But it doesn't have to be seen that way.
way. Fantasy is inherently exciting, and if it
and mutually grant permission to use their imagination and admit
who have extramarital desires (everyone has them), can
being an excellent way to maintain your sex life
juntos.

The fact is that people are not usually unfaithful.

because they are looking for a new person and a new one
life; the men who leave their wives for their
lovers are the exception, not the rule. People are
infidels because they are seeking a new experience. This
does not justify infidelity, but supports the investigation that
show the conflict between sex and love. You can put
that new experience in your relationship. If the fantasy of your
a couple is different from yours, you can make a pact to
satisfy the desires of the other and do it from a place of
respect and without judgments.

We are programmed to like what is

familiar, except with sex when familiarity can
bore the desire simply because when everything is too
familiar and predictable, excitement and desire decrease. The
Fantasy can restore emotion and desire. You don't.
can differentiate between reality and fantasy and that in itself
the same is exciting. When you use fantasy to
reaching orgasm, you are teaching your body how to
respond, and once your body gets used to a
powerful orgasmic response, it will keep it even without the
fantasy, as muscles have memory.

Many clients ask me, "But how do I fantasize?"

If a movie or a story stimulates you, that is the key to
what works for you. We all know the effects of the
'Fifty Shades of Grey', which gave permission to people
to use fantasy to enhance your sexual desire.
Share your fantasy with your partner and let them share theirs.
try it with you. Take turns to try them and just see
what feels good and with what fantasies do they obtain the
results they desire.

Tumente is the sexiest organ and you should use your

mind to improve and intensify your orgasms. When the
the mind says yes to orgasm, the body will copy this. The
the problem is that for many of us our mind
says: "No, this takes too long, this is never going to
happening. I'm getting bored now, how is it that others
people respond to this and my body doesn't?
the rules of your mind are that what is expected is what tends to happen
to be fulfilled. Another rule is that in whatever it is that you
you concentrate, you get more of that. And another rule is that
our bodies act in a coherent and aligned way
with our thinking. You can use your mind to
condition your body to be super sensual and
highly orgasmic, not just sometimes but all the time at
recognize that your mind is also a sexual organ.

Talk to your partner about what excites you,

It excites and excites you. Take some time to explore what you
like and also make sure to listen to what they want
also. We often enter into relationships believing that the
another person will fulfill all our needs, and that the
perfect couple has psychic abilities to know
exactly what we want. Many relationships
they undo because of this. It is very important to say what you
what you like and what you don't like at the beginning of the relationship. Yes
you pretend that everything is perfect and fake your response, it is
it's hard to get out of that later. It's true that if you satisfy
all the needs of your partner will never want to leave you, from
the same way that if they meet all your
needs. However, it is unlikely that a
a person can meet all our needs all the
time. We have to meet some of our
needs ourselves and we have to decide that
some of them are not as important as ours
relationship. Another flaw is believing that the work of our
The couple is to satisfy ourselves in bed. The truth is that you are
responsible for your own orgasm. You are responsible for
discover what works for you and teach your body to
to answer.

Respect is an important element that makes

our relationships work and last. The relationships that do not
They should work, but those that do work are due to the fact that the
couples have a great mutual respect. Respect your partner
sufficient means being at least willing to try your
fantasies, as long as they are not dangerous. At the same time, not
you have to share all your fantasies, simply
you can replay them in your mind whenever you are given
wins. Do you remember a few paragraphs ago when I told you
all the benefits available to you from orgasms? The
orgasms produced by oneself also have
multiple health benefits and fantasy is a
excellent way to reach orgasm when you are just
you and your body.

It is crucial to remember why you fell in love with your partner and
focus on what you like and appreciate about them instead of on
what bothers you. Gratitude is the highest energy for
vibrate and if you can stop and imagine your life without your partner,
this helps you appreciate her instead of getting irritated because of them.
You are not supposed to be with someone just like you—that
it would be very boring —remember to celebrate your differences. We
it attracts what is opposite to us and is important in a
long-term relationship remain opposed. One of the
reasons why men love stockings, high heels, the
lipstick, eyeshadow, long and silky hair and the
hairless legs are because it is the complete opposite of them.
They also love curves and the waist-to-hip ratio as
It's something they don't have. Women like the
square jaws, muscular arms and chests and the
deep voices since this is something they do not have.
Keep these active and obvious opposites in your sex life.

Keepinmindthatitisnotabouthavingabody
perfect or look amazing. In fact, the sexiest organ that
you have your brain and fortunately your brain cannot
differentiate between reality and fantasy. If you can combine the
sexual novelty with your long-term partner is very likely
may your relationship last over time. The people who try
being perfect are the unhappiest and the most difficult to
to live together, and often they are abandoned for people with
defects. We like warm and genuine people, as they
The foundation of relationships is being able to share vulnerability.

The only person you can change is yourself.

the same, and once you love yourself, you and your partner
They can have a healthy and exciting sex life. You will have
achieved what so few people can achieve and your life
it will be even richer because of it.

If you want to condition yourself to have orgasms

powerful, don't wait to be excited and in the mood and not
You expect to be motivated to have sexual relations; if not
that accepting that having sexual relations motivates you from the
The same way that exercising motivates us to do it more.

You can have powerful orgasms, body orgasms

complete and extended massive orgasms telling you
same that you are super sensitive to touch. It is useful to believe that
both your mind and your body know what to do. You can
talk to your mind telling it that this is correct, that
you are ready and you are super orgasmic, keep repeating this
and you will be surprised how quickly it happens. Orgasms release
tension, so keep telling yourself that you are super orgasmic,
that you have deep and powerful rhythmic orgasms,
full body orgasms, extended orgasms and
multiple orgasms. Women can also have them.
vaginal orgasms, clitoral orgasms, and G-spot orgasms, and men
they can also benefit from this, since you can
share your partner's orgasms and they can
share yours, regardless of your gender or preference
sexual.

The more you condition yourself to believe that this

it will happen, but it will happen until it becomes easy and natural and
the easier it is, the more you will do it, and of course, the more
the more you do it, the easier it will be. If you have to use a fantasy
to reach the climax or to teach your body how to
to respond, that is very normal. After all, when
reaching orgasm is a tremendous release of tension
and to achieve it, you may need to focus, train
your body to tighten and squeeze your muscles and then
relax them, and given that muscles have memory, this
it becomes easier. As your muscles tighten, the
tension increases and then is released until reaching orgasm
the entire body. Keep reminding yourself that the sexual response and
sexual attraction begins in the mind and you have an enormous
power to influence and direct your mind to give you what
What you want including powerful orgasms. Tumente
it can make you wonderfully orgasmic and when you
mente dice sí, tu cuerpo dice sí. Los orgasmos son hermosos
and improve life and nature wants you to have them.
Wealsohaveanaudiorecordingavailableat
http://www.iamenough.com/resources.

CHAPTER 12
Bringing Everything Together to Create an Incredible Life

The two most important days of your life: The day that
you were born and the day you discovered why.
Mark Twain, Author

I wrote in the introduction of this book that my goal

it was to share with you the habits that I had observed
in my happiest and most successful clients. I hope that now you
implicitly realize that when I say "successful" I do not
I simply refer to rich, famous, and powerful. Success
it's much more than that. There are many people who see themselves
successful externally, but impoverished
internally. In fact, in my thirty years of being
therapist, I have seen him more times than I can count.

Successful, in this context, means something completely

different. It means being your own ally, friend, and cheerleader,
even when the world or your social networks are not
doing for you. It means seeing the inherent value of encouraging
others because you know how to encourage yourself. It means
knowing that working to achieve your dreams and goals is
it becomes much easier once you have your brain
working for you, not against you. It means putting aside the
stories and limiting beliefs that you have told yourself or
what your family has given you and accepting the idea that you and only
you are responsible for the words and images in your
head. It means to be naturally kind to others,
because first you are kind to yourself.

What usually happens when a person does everything

the things described earlier become successful without
at least try. They may not have searched so much for the
wealth, love, and fame as having done the work
internal to focus and change your way of thinking. But
when you are happy internally, good things tend to
happen. What I often find is that people
what achievements of success have without internal work are still
more unhappy than those who live more modest lives.
But those who have both—external and internal success—
they are really at the top of the world. That's what I want
that you are.

This observation of my practice and work is

backed by Tony Robbins (author, entrepreneur, philanthropist and
coach), who often speaks about the difference between achievement and
fulfillment: "There are two parts to having a life
extraordinary. The first part is mastering the science of the
logros: ¿cómo tomo lo que imagino y lo hago realidad? ¿Y
How do I do it faster, better, easier? There are many
people who are very good at this and still don't have
an extraordinary life. They have a life that you see as
extraordinary, but then I receive the phone call from
billionaire who tells me he feels miserable and
depressed. The second skill is the art of achievement.
If you want an extraordinary life, you can't just achieve,
you have to be fulfilled.

In other words, success without this piece of

puzzle that is fulfillment, it will still leave you unhappy.
As discussed earlier, this is the reason why
many of the rich and famous among us become
addicts, they commit suicide or lose all their money and squander
their talents. They pursue and achieve success, but neglect the
the work of the realization and the fact that they still feel
The unhappy ones die, sometimes literally.

You might wonder why so many of us

we seem to focus on achievement rather than on
realization. The answer lies largely in our
culture. From a very young age, we are encouraged to
to look for a rather rigid version of success that is
synonym of money, fame, and prestige. When
we reach the age when we choose education, work
and the race, we are more than inspired to go after the
external signs of success—yet induced.

While that is not inherently a bad thing, it can

become destructive because it often does not combine with the
type of internal work that does not result in GDP gains
for the global economy or increases our bank account.
For the most part, people pursue external achievements.
because that is what they see and are taught to do; they ignore the
internal work because there are fewer role models and
instructions for this.
 I previously said in this book that I firmly believe
the 'inner work,' including self-love and
belief that 'I am enough', is the type of material
what should be taught in schools —along with the
mathematics, economics, and English. I hope that someday
this is the case. But, until the idea of realization
before the achievement becomes more dominant in our
society, I'm afraid that most people will seek the
external success first and will only achieve the work of realization
much later in life (if it ever does). It is my
more sincere hope than to spread my teachings to
Through books like this, it will help to popularize the message.
If you feel motivated to follow this path after reading
this book, and I believe you will, will take you to the holy grail of
inner work and personal development: your purpose.

Finding your purpose

Iworkwithmanycoachesandtrainmany.
therapists, and in general, the most common reason for which the
people seek the help of a mentor to find
its purpose or to the thing that it is supposed to be dedicated to
time doing it. A purpose is different from a job
or a career. Sometimes it can make you earn money, but
other times no. However, a purpose is one thing for
everyone: when you are doing it, you feel complete and in
total peace in knowing that this is what you are destined to do.

It is true that not everyone in life has the luxury or

privilege of finding your purpose. They may be too
focused on survival or they may bear the burden of
taking care of others. But, if you are reading this book, I suspect
what is because you know that you have a purpose that
to find and represent throughout your life and it is likely
May you have enough luck to be able to do something about it.
regarding. You don't want to become one of the many
people who have this feeling and do not honor it—those
people are, after all, the most depressed people
of our world.

So, how can a person find this

purpose if you are not sure what you are supposed to
be? Here’s a hint: your purpose often has a
direct relationship with what you liked to do between the ages
from approximately seven to fourteen years old. Why those
ages? Well, at seven, you are old enough to
start developing your own sense of identity. And to the
fourteen years, we began to internalize the pressures and
insecurities of the world around us, and maybe, how
consequence let's start a moderate our
behavior to "fit in" or "be good". But among
in those two ages, we find an intermediate point where
we were allowing our desires and passions
they directed how we spent our time.

Now, you might think: "But at eight years old everything...

what I loved was spinning around and dancing!” or “like a child of
twelve years I spent every free moment I had on top of a
tree." Of course, it may be that those things no longer
they could pay your mortgage. But if you dance, move, spend
time outdoors or working with animals were things
what excited you back then, it is very likely that
now they also excite you.

As I said earlier, unfortunately our

culture is very obsessed with achievements. We do not believe
that it is worth doing something unless we are incredible
doing it or what will make us rich, admired, and famous. But
that is not the purpose. A purpose is not driven by the
ego, greed, or competitiveness. It is driven by a
desire for meaning and to be useful to others.

This may not be completely apparent at first,

you might think: 'going to a dance class at a mature age'
it's not going to help anyone,
people honor what they like to do, their paths
they begin to develop and progress in a mysterious way.
Perhaps one dance class will lead to many more and
you start to inspire your friends to join. You might be the
good enough to think that it could be a
good idea to teach your own class, for free, at your center
local community. This may not allow you to
to quit your daily job, and that's okay! But the joy
What you will feel when living your purpose will somehow make you
see your daily work in a completely different way:
something that allows you to live your purpose.

From all my work with people, I really believe that the

the main cause of depression is not following your desire
heart in a deep and meaningful way. Don't you
you may do this. Even if it seems impractical, little
impressive, small or completely random,
find a way to pursue your curiosity about your
I called and I can guarantee that things will develop.
wonderful.

And don't forget, whatever form it takes,

when you love what you do, you have a purpose. And when
You share that purpose, it makes sense.

Action habits versus habits of

thought
 You will recall that I outlined the difference between
the habits of thought and the habits of action. The
most of us have thought habits, it's just that
we are not aware of them. We take pleasure in a
critical inner dialogue without realizing that doing so is
an option that has a greater impact on how we
we feel and move in the world. In psychology, these
internal forces are often called "saboteurs" and the
people allow a variety of them to affect their
lives. Either the Internal Judge, the Controller, the Restless,
Rigorous, the Complacent, the Evasive, the Victim, the Hyper-
Attentive, the Hyper-Winner, or the Hyper-Rational, these
saboteurs can direct the show if they are given it
we allow.

How a researcher from the University discovered

Stanford: "Some of the most successful people in the world
are governed by several of their saboteurs. Using
negative emotions as fuel to propel them,
ultimately they will not reach their true potential.
In other words, while saboteurs may
helpful for achieving success and external accomplishment (through
from things like becoming a perfectionist, into an addict
at work, or in a fierce competitor) will never make you happy if
you allow them to govern your mind.

Much of the material from the previous chapters is

designed to help you overcome these saboteurs
using one of two methods: thinking habits and
action habits. I started the book with habits of
thought that you can implement in ways
small and large throughout your life.

The first thinking habit was learning that you

The mind does what it thinks you want it to do. Like
explained, the mind is always operating this way;
most people simply don't know it. If each
every time you drive to the office you think, "This is going to be a
inferno”, then your brain takes that signal to make you
feel according to her. However, if you communicate
with you in a precise, detailed, and specific way, your
your mind will help you advance toward your goals, rather than
sabotage them. Just as we update our software in
our phones and laptops, we have to
update the way our brain operates.

The following thought habit was to control the

words and images in your head. I explained how babies
they cannot be afraid of flying—even though it is nothing
familiar to them—because they have not learned to associate it with
negativity or fear. We were all born with this confidence.
phenomenal —not just about flying, but above all —but the
we unlearn as we grow. The answer is
to lie, cheat and steal. That is, to lie to your brain,
deceive fear and take back the confidence with which
you were born. Even if something fills you with fear or dread, if
replace those images and words with others that are more appropriate
neutral, you can diminish the effect that a certain
event or situation has on you. Remember, a needle is
perceived differently by a heroin addict, by
a nurse and by someone with a fear of needles. The
the difference is not in the needle, but in the perception of
You. You and only you have the power over this perception— so
que úsalo!

The third thinking habit that I taught you in the

Chapter Three was to make familiar what is not familiar and what
Yes, it is familiar to do it not familiar. A frustrating peculiarity.
the brain always longs for the familiar, even for what
We know that it no longer helps us. That is why diets
they fail, people choose partners in bad relationships and the
lottery winners lose all their money so quickly
how they can spend it. But it doesn't have to be that way. If you think
consciously about what you would like to do familiarly
familiar, you can start by distancing yourself from the bad and
move towards the good. If you know what the things are that
that you tend to move and distance yourself, you can start to
intervene before mental habits take over
control. There is where your true power lies. Like
I wrote in Chapter Three, if you go to the finish line of a
marathon, is not full of lifelong runners—more
it is full of people who made getting up and
running outside family, many of whom used to spend
sitting on the sofa.

In Chapter Four, we shift to a habit of action.

instead of a thinking habit. I told you that the
successful people learn not only to do what they hate,
They start by doing what they hate first to get it out of the way.
Keep in mind that this does not mean learning to love doing it.
what you hate —for example, it would be difficult to love doing your
taxes—but you can learn to love the feeling of
achievement that comes after doing what you hate and getting it out of
your earrings. We also explored this through the
science behind habit formation and that the cue, the
behavior and the reward model is a
a useful tool that you can use to create new habits
and detect the ones you would like to eliminate. Doing what you hate not
it's about advancing heavily through work, relationships
or activities that you hate, but rather, a way of
overcome the most mundane yet necessary tasks and feel
better for that.

Chapter Five explored another action habit: taking

action towards your goals every day. This does not
it's about becoming a workaholic and working
seven days a week (anyway, that is not
sustainable), but rather it is about establishing a pattern of
I work towards success daily, even if it is just for five or
ten minutes. This can take many forms, from doing
a meditation to send sales proposals, but the point
it is to work with the idea that your mind is a missile aimed at
a goal —wants to move towards something. How I like it.
To say, 'In life, there are no shortcuts, but there are guarantees.'
do one thing every day in the direction of your dreams, it is
guaranteed that you will get closer to him.

Chapter Six gave us another action habit: to delay the

gratification. We talked about the famous experiment of
Stanford marshmallows, where the children who were
able to delay eating a sweet grew to
to become more successful and better adapted adults. If
Well, the children in the experiment may have possessed
naturally that trait, you don't have to do it. If
you start to structure your day and tasks around
big and small rewards, you can learn to
delay the gratification and enjoy its benefits. This
it can be applied to everything, from your diet to your most
big goals. It also applies to parenting.
I shared with you how I learned from my clients that the
people who give everything to their children rob them of their ability
of delaying long-term gratification. These children
they often end up being very unhappy, as they are
resentful because they never had the opportunity to feel the
sense of achievement and satisfaction that comes from reaching your
goals after working hard —which is another way of
late gratification. Remember, whether it's enjoying your coffee
favorite after writing an email
complicated or not going on vacation until you have
the manuscript of your book is finished, it is the reward of something
what makes us feel good, not merely the acquisition of it.

In Chapter Seven we talk about how we can

apply different habits of thought and action to something
that affects many people: weight loss. Also
we cover the idea of repairing your relationship with food and
with your body, it not only means changing how you think about
about yourself, but also how you think about the
environment in which you are functioning. Once that
we remember that we are cave men
wandering through a store filled with sugar and
fat, we will be able to make different decisions about what
buy.

In Chapter Eight, we explore what I believe is the habit

the most important thought that you can possibly have
integrate into your life: the belief that you are enough. Everyone
they are born into the world knowing that they are enough; the source
of that phenomenal trust that babies possess, which
we discuss in Chapter Two. Then, at some point of the
on the way, people learn that they are not enough. This
It can happen in many ways. Maybe your mother them
abandoned, making them believe they are not worthy of being
loved ones. Or maybe they were teased at school,
making them believe that they will never be accepted unless
to be thin. The belief of not being enough is
manifests in countless ways —addictions, addiction
to work, suicide, mental health issues, etc.—but,
all those reasons are connected. Not feeling
"sufficient", I believe, is the greatest illness that
affects humanity. The good news is that you do not
you have to spend years and years in therapy undoing this
belief. You and only you can convince yourself that
you are enough with the power of the simple and affirmative phrase:

I am enough.

The more you say it, the more you believe it, even if at first
she feels useless. I have seen her change the lives of many
people, and I know it can also change yours.
 In Chapter Nine we learned one more habit. This is
a combination of action and thought: let in the
praise and reject criticism. As a habit of action, this is
quite simple. When someone gives you a compliment, do not
rejects, rather thank him and accept it. When
alguien intenta lastimarte con duras críticas, usa las tácticas
described in the chapter to divert them (and most importantly,
know that their urge to criticize you comes from their
own unhappiness). When it comes to the habit of
thinking —praising yourself —few people
they know the power of this. To praise you and tell you the things that
you need to listen to feel good is a habit that
many happy people share with me
worked. Learn to make your internal dialogue match
with the way you would talk to a good friend, it will make
wonders for your productivity, your confidence, and your quality of
life. You don't have to wait for others to praise you to
feel good about yourself. Praise yourself today and every day.

Finally, in Chapter Ten, we learned that to love oneself

Loving oneself is the most vital ingredient for loving another.
often, bad relationships are a sign of two people
that they do not love themselves first. And then, also
we learned that once you find that relationship
supporting, committing to an active sexual life and
full of fantasy is a vital (and fun) way of
maintain it.

You may have noticed that throughout the

chapters we reviewed earlier, there were several topics
recurring that applies to each thought habit or
action. These topics are important because understanding them
will fill your toolbox with ways to hold on to
these lessons to implement them in your daily life.
After all, it's easy to read a book, but to change your
habits and thoughts require a bit of work.
 The main and most important topic that you must
remembering is the power of repetition. Every tactic that
describe in each chapter it only works if you repeat it and the
you repeat frequently. As I mentioned before, take a
a minimum of ten days and a maximum of three weeks for
completely abandon an old belief.
Fundamentally, it takes the same amount of time to create
a new one.

Often, when people start to

implement the tactics that I advise them, they return to me
saying: 'How do I know if it's working?' or 'I tried it a '
a couple of times; it didn't work.” What these people are
forgetting is that the power of repetition is cumulative.
It is not an instant flash of change, but rather, a
a slow and gradual push from our brain towards a
more positive and productive place. Often, change is
imperceptible. By trying the tactics described in the book, you
I urge you to be persistent and maintain them for the duration.
less than three weeks before judging the effect that they are
having in you. We repeat negative habits all the time
without knowing it; sometimes they need to be replaced with habits
positives so that they really adhere.

Although I have been a therapist for 30 years, the truth is

that much of what I teach goes against wisdom
conventional of the activity. I do not advise you to pass
months and years sitting in a therapy chair, talking about
your feelings. On the contrary, I believe in locating
quickly the source of my clients' pain and then
help them to reform their beliefs in a quick and
transformative using types of tactics and habits
described in this book. That said, I receive many readers
who come to me with a lot of emotional pain and suffering
that they feel they themselves cannot eliminate.
they ask if, perhaps, they need a longer period of
therapy to get to the bottom.

While we are all different, the truth is simple: no

you can undo your past, but what you can do is
change your narrative about it. Talk about your past
for years in a therapy chair it stops being useful if not
You replace pain and suffering with a new narrative.
While therapy can be helpful in finding that new
narrative, it is rarely necessary to sit in a chair of
therapy indefinitely to do this. Many of our
problems can be complex, but the way of
overcoming them should never be complex. It can be quick,
effective and transformative. That is always my method
preferred therapy. Once you have located the
problems that underlie your behaviors, it is time to
change the way you approach or feel about
those problems. The only person who can do that is you.
you.

We are here for such a short time and I truly believe that
life is an immense gift. I have seen my clients,
readers and followers around the world change their lives in
A moment. How? They changed their thoughts and
beliefs. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have been through,
you also have the power to change your thoughts and
beliefs.

I truly believe that through your thoughts,

actions and habits you can start doing today and every
the days.

I can't wait to learn more about your

transformation.

Thank you for sharing your journey towards being.

sufficient. Your destiny is you really enjoying and loving.
who are you, it's a great place to be and it's something that now
You have the power to create.

Please stay in touch with me, let me know

your progress and send your photos of I Am Enough to:

Instagram – iamenoughbymarisapeer
Twitter-@IAEbymarisapeer

I hope to see you soon at one of my seminars.

Sufficient.

Here I say goodbye, looking at the new you 'always

sufficient.

With love,

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p. 46 Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit: Why We Do

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