Cover Me In Sunshine

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at [Link]

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationship: Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim
Seokjin | Jin, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Kim Namjoon |
RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin/Park Jimin
Character: Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Namjoon | RM, Kim
Seokjin | Jin, Kim Taehyung | V, Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin (BTS)
Additional Tags: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Hatred, Seolf-Loathing, Min Yoongi
| Suga is Trying His Best, Sad Min Yoongi | Suga, Depressed Min
Yoongi, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope is a Ray of
Sunshine, Dance Instructor Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Kim Namjoon | RM
& Min Yoongi | Suga are Best Friends, Crying, a lot of crying, Sad,
supportive friends, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, Jung Hoseok | J-
Hope is Whipped, everyone is in love, more or less, Medication,
Therapy, yoongi is an artist, Barista Kim Taehyung | V, Barista Min
Yoongi | Suga, sex-hotline, Awkwardness, they kiss, Eventual Smut,
Kim Seokjin | Jin is a Little Shit, Smut, Top Jung Hoseok | J-Hope,
Bottom Min Yoongi | Suga, Fluff, Cute, Happy Ending, idk what else to
tag, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Min Yoongi | Suga,
Bisexual Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, oh i almost forgot, Alternate Universe -
Non-Famous, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, this took me so long
help
Stats: Published: 2021-07-07 Completed: 2021-07-08 Chapters: 2/2 Words:
20026

Cover Me In Sunshine
by SeokiesBabie

Summary

Yoongi is done with his job, his apartment and his fucked up life becuase verything sucks.
Until he meets Hoseok.

(Or: Yoongi is a depressed PanDemisexual Human who finds love after calling a sex-
hotline in the middle of the night.)

Notes

please read this to avoid any misunderstandings!!!! (❁´◡`❁)

- English isn't my first language so please excuse any possible errors.
- This whole story is based on MY life. Every event or information is true except the hotline
+ i am still painfully single. Someone send me a Hobebee....

the smut chapter will be uploaded tomorrow because i am tired as fuck.

also leave comments and kudos if u liked it. i am sad so be nice, it ould honestly make my
day better. thanks!!! <3
 Chapter 1

Yoongi is lying on his bed while staring at the ceiling, his mind racing to places which he
shouldn't think about at 5am,

but he still does because that’s how Yoongi is. His mind takes him back to people he unfortunately
met, the conversations he had with them and the pain they caused him.

But he also thinks about random stuff like; what should I eat today. - will the weather be as hot as
yesterday?- oh god I hate my job so much. Maybe I should paint, it’s been a while, and- oh fuck I
forgot to take my pills again.

So On days where Yoongi forgets to take his antidepressants, it’s especially hard to fall asleep with
the buzzing in his head, the voices that tell him he isn’t good enough and that he should just die
because nobody would miss him anyways— which is not true, he knows as much, but still, Yoongi
is stuck in this pitchblack hole of self loathing and he can’t get out and nothing matters anymore.
He doesn’t matter anymore.

On those days he ignores everything and anyone around him. And then, after days or weeks of
radio silence the spell gets broke by worried messages from Namjoon, Taehyung or his family,
telling him that it’s okay, that he’s not alone, that they love him and Yoongi just wants to tell them
that ‘no, nothing is okay! How can you tell me it’s gonna be okay when it clearly isn’t’.

And Yoongi, too deep in his head with his stupid feelings and dark thoughts which he can’t seem to
sort out, too much all of a sudden — cries, cries because that’s the only thing he is capable of doing
in these moments and totally ignores the messages. When he’s in the mood to reply at all, he sends
a simple emoji, the cringey ones, the overly cutesy ones, the ones that should express what he
doesn’t feel in that moment, express what he simply can’t.

So he starts to wonder when the day would finally arrive in which Namjoon and Tae would get
sick of him, tired of his endless brooding and self hatred, when they would leave Yoongi behind
because they can’t take it anymore, just like the people before them. But then Yoongi thinks he
should leave instead, leave before it’s too late, before he causes them more pain, to make them stop
worrying about him all at once.

That's what Yoongi is best at after all— make people worry.

It wasn’t the first time he would run away like that. The Yoongi back in college was the one
leaving his ‘friends’ first— his massive insecurities made him distance himself, shut them out of
his life, and made them hate him first. He knew this, had heard it countless times before, their
talking behind his back when they thought he wouldn’t hear them.

Their words still echo in his mind from all those years ago, words that make him feel like an
outcast, a freak.

’I knew from the start he was a weirdo.’

‘ We shouldn’t have invited him into our friends group.’

‘Caring about him is a waste of time.’

Useless useless useless useless—

So On days like these, when Yoongi wants to disappear for good, he sits on his balcony— too
scared to really go that step of ending his life, too scared to even do this one simple thing that
would end all his pain, end everyone’s pain. Instead he let’s the wind blow over his skin, let’s it
dry his tears that won’t seem to stop falling, while listening to songs that voice out the thoughts he
can’t get rid of— the words that won’t spill and he so desperately wants to scream out into the
world, wants to tell them all that he is hurting, that everything is overwhelming and that he just
wants to give up.

But then there is this tiny voice in his head that tells him, very quietly, that everything will be okay
one day, that he just has to endure it a bit longer, that the pain will fade and that good things will
happen, but Yoongi just wants to laugh. Nothing good has happened so far, he just gets another
slap in his face whenever he tries to be optimistic and he’s sick of it.

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up anymore, doesn’t want to believe that good things will come
just for them to disappear before he could even hold onto them— desperate, helpless, crying.

Life hates Yoongi and Yoongi hates life. It was a mutual thing between them for years now. Life
never gave Yoongi the opportunity to be even a little bit optimistic. It always ended in him getting
hurt. Be it in possible relationships, friendships, family or work related things— life took
everything away from him that could have made him happy. It never worked out for Yoongi, he
was just not fortunate enough to have a happy life it seems.
He felt like he was walking on the same spot for ages now, feet not moving forward, not even an
inch as he had to witness all the people around him building a life, a career, something he could
only dream of. They walked past him, one by one, always two steps ahead of Yoongi and he was
tired and sick of constantly seeing their backs, being reminded that he is a nobody, a loser, a
hopeless case. A freak.

His dream was to become someone one day, a person who would get praised for their outstanding
talent in art— but that never came. Every time Yoongi grasped onto something that might have
changed his career completely, life took it away from him in the form of rejection.

Now he works at a coffeehouse as a barista and the only artsy thing he does is drawing fucking
flowers on milk foam, gets a shitty paycheck after working his ass off for fifty hours a week
instead of having a fun stable job that would pay better, make everything better. But in the end,
nobody is at fault except for himself.

Yoongi did chose that path, he decided to fuck up at school and is now stuck in his shitty
apartment with a shitty Job in a shitty city he wants to leave behind so bad, just like his classmates
did all those years ago.

He even briefly thinks about telling his therapist about it later that day, telling her that his thoughts
are getting darker with each passing day, but then he shakes his head, she wouldn’t understand, just
like everyone else wouldn't. Mrs Kim is nice though, always considerate and calm, her flowery
scent wafting off of her in waves whenever she flips back her chest long black hair gracefully,
filling Yoongi’s nose with a sweet smell. Talking to her is like talking to a stranger even though he
has known her for over twelve years now, but it’s a good thing— good that she keeps her neutral
point of view, it shows Yoongi that she stays professional while their session is still going.

He doesn’t feel pressured to tell her anything really, doesn’t worry that she could worry like his
friends would do when they talk. It’s easier, words falling from his lips so freely that he sometimes
feels bad after— for telling her all that stuff she might have heard countless times before already.
But as always, she keeps a straight face while her perfectly manicured fingers write down notes for
her report.

Though when the timer goes off and signals that one hour is over, her expression changes
immediately to something more soft as she gives him a bear hug right after, fondly ruffling his hair
when they break apart and bid their goodbyes.

But Yoongi is not in the mood to talk to her today, not at all. Instead, he decides to get up, make
himself a double espresso with a spoon of sugar and sits on his ottoman, a fluffy blanket draped
over his lap which his mother had made him for Christmas last year. There was still an hour left
before he had to get ready for work, so he turned on The TV while absentmindedly zapping
through the channels. There wasn’t anything interesting when he switches through the Programms
though, just a few late night shopping shows and those disgusting hotlines where you can call
woman or men to have…well— phone sex.

He doesn’t want to think too deeply about what these people get out of it for talking dirty to a
stranger, —maybe it’s the money, maybe they get off on it too, who knows, he's not judging, also
it’s none of his business anyway.

Yoongi thinks for a split second about rubbing one out as well, it’s been a few weeks since he last
touched himself in that way— maybe that would shut his mind up for a while, but as he stares at
the TV that displays a woman with unnaturally large breasts that stand straight like two soccer
balls, and blond hair that isn't natural either which is letting her skin appear paler and her blemishes
more visible, the thought immediately flies out the window as he stares at the TV with something
akin to disgust.

After a while, her face disappeared again and made room for a young man that caught his interest.
A guy probably around his age, maybe a bit younger, his chestnut brown hair perfectly styled back
and beautiful heart shaped lips with cute little dimples in the corner of his mouth, eyes shining
brightly as he stares right at Yoongi. He seems too nice, too pretty to do something like that. So
why? Why does he talk to mostly horny old people and— No.

Yoongi doesn’t want to think about it anymore, and certainly doesn't want to picture that guy doing
what he does. So Yoongi takes the remote after a second glance at the guy's lips and switches to the
next channel. A documentary about black holes— in that moment, Yoongi wishes one would
swallow him up.

——————————————————————————————

The cafe he works at is popular. It's located in a more busy area in the city. Many people flood the
store before or after school and work, faces tired, backs slumped and their mood anything but
friendly. Maybe it's the exhaustion, or the stress, or everything combined really. Though Yoongi
can understand their struggle of waking up and going on with their day.
He understands because he doesn’t want to be here either, doesn’t want to put on that overly
friendly customer smile because honestly? He’s not in the mood today, too tired, too annoyed, too
anxious. But work is much more bearable when Taehyung has the same shift as him. It's more
light, cheerful and bright. The days get over quickly as Taehyung’s chatter fills up the whole place,
making Yoongi laugh and even sometimes the grumpy customers. Nobody could resist Taehyung’s
openness and contagious smile.

So when Yoongi gets hugged from behind, he instantly knows it’s the other. He has to suppress a
smile, rolling his eyes fondly when Taehyung spins him around with one swift motion and yelling
right in his face.

“Yoongi! How was the weekend? I haven’t heard from you at all! Did you get the cat videos I sent
you? The one with the sunflower reminded me of you!!!”

And yeah, yeah he got them— watched them on loop because cat videos are almost the only thing
capable of boosting his serotonin lever.

“I got them, yeah. I also was finally able to finish a book I was reading for a while now and took
naps, so it was okay I guess. What about you?”

Which was a total lie. He did neither one. All he did was cry on Friday, coo at the cat and it’s
sunflower hat on Saturday and stare at his ceiling on Sunday. But Taehyung’s eyes had a knowing
look in them, already sensing that Yoongi was probably lying but didn’t comment on it, instead he
beamed, his boxy smile almost blinding as he shook Yoongi’s shoulders overly dramatic.

“I was out with Namjoonie and I hooked up with that guy that reminds me of a bunny???
Yoongi!!!! You would love him! Jungkook is so cute but also super shy and damn…his muscles…
they are no joke. But he hasn’t texted me yet…do you think the sex was bad? Oh god maybe I
scared him off with my massive schlong!—”

Yoongi laughed at that. He is not unfamiliar with Taehyung’s antics and his constant search for
new relationships and his overly active sex life wich was no joke (seriously, how is it possible to
fuck for eight hours straight??)— Taehyung is always the one who gets more attached than the
other and ends with a broken heart, which he obviously doesn’t admit out loud, but Yoongi knows
because he is the one drying tears afterwards.

“Be nice to That kid, okay? Maybe he hasn’t texted yet because he really is shy. Or your monster
dick was just that good that he still has to process it all.”

“I’m always nice and you know that…and yeah, maybe you are right. My dick game really is
outstanding.”
“You are a giant dork, you know that?” And Yoongi grins as he says it, showing his gums and all,
the first genuine smile in a long time as he patted Taehyung’s head fondly.

The thing is, Yoongi really is happy for the younger, hopes it will work out for him, but he can’t
help the little pang of envy that hits him every time. Yoongi never was in a relationship, and for a
long time he didn’t even wanted to be in one, didn’t care about stuff like that— about love. Sure, he
met up with some people here and there, mostly met them on the internet (because he doesn’t
really leave the house. At all) and even met up with some in real life when he mustered the courage
to leave his cave.

But nothing more than a few kisses and light touches were exchanged before he pulled away again,
suddenly uncomfortable as things got too spicy. Now he is twenty eight and still single and very
much a virgin because for Yoongi, hooking up with someone, with a stranger, was never his thing.
It didn’t turn him on, the thrill of no strings attached and all that. It never was appealing and to be
honest Yoongi was also too insecure for that. He doesn’t have the confidence to seduce someone
nor is he a fan of sex first, feelings later.

People say that sex is nothing complicated, a simple act of two people connecting on a physical
level, but for Yoongi it was more than just that, more than just sex. It had to do with trust, deeper
feelings, mutual understanding and most importantly, respect. He doesn’t get what people found so
appealing about this whole arrangement with no strings attached if he’s being honest.

Whenever he started liking someone, they would turn him down after his confession of him not
really liking the whole concept of intercourse. They tried to be cool about it, said it was fine, but in
the end it didn’t seem to be fine at all.

‘you are a great person and I like you, but let’s stay friends, okay?’

And Yoongi would have been fine with that, with staying friends, and he also knows that the
majority of people fucking loves sex and sharing intimate moments with their partners. But things
got awkward after that and they stopped texting.

Society’s concept of love was morphing Into something akin to a fling. Nobody wanted to deal
with feelings and everyone just played around because they got too scared of possible future
commitments while calling their new game; friends with benefits. What they don’t know is, that
this is exactly like what it would be like in a relationship, because they go eat, walk in the park or
watch movies, get presents for birthdays and then maybe fuck. Or not.

Maybe they don’t want to label this, maybe they are fine with how things are, but It didn’t make
sense to Yoongi. What are they so afraid of? Taking that last step, being honest with themselves
and then just say; ‘yes, let’s call it a relationship.’ Because that’s what it was, a damn relationship.

Yoongi was not the type to fuck around without having feelings for the other person, so he gets
rejected which happened with everyone he had met and confessed so far. Yoongi would stay in the
friend zone and he was getting tired of it. But that’s okay, he figures that he simply isn’t boyfriend
material, not easy to fuck around with, and he didn’t blame the others but instead he blamed
himself.

“Hyung there will be someone for you too, don’t give up. I bet this person is already waiting for
you.” Taehyung tells him after seeing the hurt in Yoongi’s eyes, a knowing smile on his face as he
places a quick peck on his friend’s cheek before turning around and getting an order ready.

The day stayed uneventful apart from some shitty customers here and there (which wasn’t anything
new), plus a very distracted Taehyung who continuously stared into his phone, probably waiting
for a text from that Jungkook. — But at some point he got so immersed with his phone that he put
salt instead of sugar in his own coffee while Yoongi had to suppress a laugh, the breakroom filled
with gagging noises and giggles.

So today was going pretty okay until the last thirty minutes of Yoongi’s shift. He was already done
cleaning the tables, had washed some dishes and was now packing away the pastries as a man
entered the cafe.

He was tall, brown hair slicked back and off his forehead and drenched in sweat, while a duffel bag
was hanging from his shoulder and oh— it’s the guy from the sex-hotline channel!!!!

“Hi! I want an iced americano, large please.” The man beamed as he pulled his wallet out of the
side of his bag.

“Ah uhm, what’s your name? So I can write it on the cup. N-not that I want to have your name for
personal reasons- fuck. Forget I said the last part.”

Yoongi internally screamed, his face heating up the longer the other laughed. This felt like he
knew that guy’s dirty little secret and now forgot how to function properly.— Yoongi wanted to
fucking bolt before he could embarrass himself even more as he fiddled with his apron nervously.
“Hope is enough.” He smiled after his giggles had died down, obviously finding Yoongi’s misery
amusing while putting the money on the counter.

“A p-pretty name. I think I've heard it somewhere before…” Just shut up! Stop talking!

“ uh...Thank you?” Hope said a bit confused and Yoongi facepalmed himself over his own stupid
reply.

As Hope paid and Yoongi handed over the change of money, they stared at each other for a while
before Hope pointed behind Yoongi towards the machine, as he then, very painfully realized he
still had to make the damn americano. “Ah fuck, sorry. Today is not my day...”

“I feel you. Mine could have been better as well, so don’t worry about it.” The other said
reassuringly, a soft smile adoring his lips and making his little dimples appear in the corner of his
mouth. When Hope’s order was ready to go, he nodded in thanks.

“It was nice meeting you…Yoongi.” He said with a giggle and a glint in his eyes that Yoongi
couldn’t quite place, before he then turned around and left the cafe. As he watched the other leave,
Yoongi wondered for a split second how the other knew his name, until he realized that he was
wearing a fucking name tag.

Great.

————————————————————————

When Yoongi arrives at home around 03:30pm, back aching and legs throbbing from standing for
so long, he lets himself plop down on his couch, falling sideways and facing the TV now. He had
around an hour to get ready for his appointment with Mrs Kim, and the anxious feeling Yoongi had
earlier this morning appeared again immediately. He didn’t feel like talking, not today nor
tomorrow.

Maybe he should cancel— but then, what would Mrs Kim say?

Yoongi could almost picture her face as she says ‘Yoongi, avoiding conflicts and problems are not
solving them.’ And she is right, he knows she’s right.

She always is because it’s her job and it’s fucking irritating sometimes. Whatever Yoongi says, she
always knows an answer and when Yoongi comes up with an argument, they get immediately
eliminated. You simply can’t lose against her, because she is that good.

‘There is always a solution, no matter the issue.’ So Instead of worrying about his seshion later, he
walked over to his drawer under the TV and pulled out some sketching tools, sat back down on his
couch and absentmindedly started to skribble familiar heart shaped lips, filling page after page after
page.

————————————————————————

It’s 2am and Yoongi can’t sleep again, even though he remembered to take his pills this time,—
(Mrs Kim had pinned him down with a pointed glare) —Yoongi was still very much awake. The
room was so quiet it was deafening, the voices in his head so damn loud and the pain in his back
still very much prominent as he tried to force his eyes to stay closed, trying his mind to calm down
— but it didn't work. Of course it doesn’t. It never does.

So he gets up with a groan and walks straight to the kitchen to make himself tea. One of the fancy
‘sleeping teas’ his mother had sent him last week— hoping it would make him tired enough for
once. So he sets the kettle on the stove and gets a mug ready, anxiously waiting for the hissing
sound.

The conversation with Mrs. Kim was okay, nothing special really. She was as always listening with
an unwavering expression as Yoongi talked about his nightmares and dark thoughts and his
insomnia that seemed to get more and more bothersome.

‘Is there something that is bothering you? Something that you can’t shut out when you try to
sleep?’ And Yoongi had laughed in her face, not rude, but tiredly.

‘Everything is bothering me.’ And she had just hummed, her eyes scanning his face while tapping
her pen on the notebook.

“You love painting. Let out your feelings and put them on a canvas, it can have a therapeutic
effect. Maybe you should try that. If it doesn’t work we will think of something else.” And maybe
she was right. Maybe Yoongi should get his art supplies out from his closet and start to paint again.
It’s been a while since he last held a brush after all. He could give it a try, it wouldn’t hurt. The
kettle hissed then, pulling Yoongi out of his thoughts as he got his tea ready and walked into the
living room instead, just to sit down on the couch with a dramatic sigh, taking the remote as it felt
like a dejavu— zapping through the Programmes once again, just like last night.
There was a documentary about wildlife in Africa, a home shopping channel with an elderly female
host who tried desperately to sell some ugly jeans with a glittery pattern on the front, a cooking
show with an almost redicilous handsome chef and of course, the sex-hotline channel. The same
from last night with the same faces— the same woman and her unnaturally big boobs and the same
guy— ‘Hope’ he remembers from earlier, with his pretty heart shaped lips that stretched into a
blinding smile that had haunted Yoongi the whole day.

‘Are you lonely? Do you want someone to listen to your darkest desires? Make you feel loved
and wanted? I will make it worth it. Call me; xxxx-xxxx-xxx-x'

Yoongi didn’t quite catch what he said, too focused on those perfect lips and the little moles on the
top lip and wondered faintly how it would feel like to kiss them and— And then, Yoongi does
something stupid as he reaches for his phone, dialing the number that was shown on the bottom,
hands shaking while holding his breath as the signal on the other side appears.

“Hey there, I’m Hope!” Says a familiar and bubbly voice on the other side. Yoongi is still holding
his breath as he contemplates whether to hang up or scream out of embarrassment. Or both at the
same time. This was a stupid idea- Why did he even do that!

“Hello?” Says the voice again, seemingly less cheerful now but not unfriendly either. Yoongi’s
lugs were screaming from the lack of oxygen, so he takes a deep breath and—

“H-hi” Oh wow Yoongi, that was perfect.

“Ah! Hey! I thought for a second I had a kid on the other end again.” Hope laughs then and Yoongi
imagines his lips stretching into a wide smile, like the one back at the cafe, warm and open and
kind.

“Did that happen before? …With the kid I mean.” Yoongi wonders what kids would want by
calling a sex-hotline at this hour.— Maybe a prank?

“Yeah, it happened once. It was a little boy around 5 I guess? He told me that he woke up and that
there was our channel on their TV and that a voice, which was mine, told him to call. So he did.”
The other laughed again, a cute little sound right into Yoongi’s ear, making him blush instantly.

“What did you tell him then?”

“That he should be a good boy and go back to sleep.” Yoongi got flustered at the implication of
good boy from the other, shaking his head while a nervous laugh left his lips.

“What’s your name by the way?”

“Ah sorry— Yoongi. My name’s Yoongi.”

“Nice to meet you, Yoongi. I met a Yoongi today, he was kind of cute, all flustered and shy, I
wanted to eat him up right away.”

Oh fuck. Hope meant him. Oh god Hope just called him cute…!

“How old are you by the way? You are not a kid, right?”

“N-No, I’m 28, though I called because of the same reason that kid did..I guess?”

“Oh? So you do what people tell you to do? Good to know.” The air seems to shift a bit after that,
there was a playfulness in the other's voice that left Yoongi tingly, giddy, curious of what The other
would say next.

“Yeah.” Yoongi says then, breathless, hands starting to sweat as he clutches his phone more firmly
in his hand.

“ I like that. Is this your first time calling a sex-hotline, Yoongi?” He liked how the other let his
tongue roll around his name, slightly slurred and filled with…lust maybe? And then Yoongi
remembers that yeah, of course, this is how this is supposed to work. Hope is a kind of sex worker,
he earns money by doing what he is going with Yoongi right now and it makes his stomach drop
slightly.

“Yeah…it’s my first time... calling. And I don’t even know why I did it to be honest. But You
seemed nice and I had a shitty day and I just... I just wanted to talk to someone and—“ Yoongi
didn’t realize that a lump had formed in his throat then, his head going from somewhat horny to
depressed in a matter of seconds, giving him whiplash. The other end of the phone was quiet for a
few seconds and Yoongi feared he had scared the other off, but before he could apologize, a soft
soothing voice filled Yoongi’s ears and the playfulness from just a few seconds ago was no longer
present.
“Hey, it’s okay. You wanna hear some crazy fucked up stories?” And yeah, Yoongi really would
love that a lot.

————————————————————

“Oh my god you did not!” He wheezed into the phone as Hope broke down into a fit of giggles
himself.

“I swear I had no other way to get out of it!! Pretending to be his boss was the only way to get his
wife listening to me!”

“And what about that man having his hand down his pants? Isn’t that way worse when you are his
boss??”

“Oh wow. Now that you say it— oh my god so that’s why she freaked out even more!!!!” Yoongi
was crying now, Hope didn’t seem to be better as a wet laugh echoed through the speaker. They
had talked for over an hour now and Hope had suggested they exchange private phone numbers
before Yoongi’s bill would go up the roof, so now they continued their conversation without
worrying about Him getting broke.

It was nice, talking to someone other than his therapist. It was another atmosphere, more cheerful
and open. There was no pity or worry in Hope’s voice while they talked. It felt refreshing, way
different from what a conversation with his friends would have been like. There was no pressure
nor the need to pretend to be okay because talking to the other was just that easy. And so time flew
by, Yoongi having yawned for the sixth time in the span of ten minutes, making Hope coo at him
nonstop.

“It’s late Yoongi, so be a good boy and get some sleep, okay? If you want, we can call again
whenever you want, you have my number.” And yeah, that sounded perfect.

“I had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you Hope.”

“Hoseok”
“Huh?”

“That’s my real name. Hoseok.” He really has a pretty name.

“Well then. Thank you Hoseok, and goodnight.”

“Goodnight Yoongi.”

——————————-———————————————

Another conversation with Hoseok should not happen for the next few days. Yoongi’s busy
schedule as he hurried to and from work, a family dinner which he promised his mother months
ago, and on top of that, meeting up with his best friend Namjoon who bugged him for weeks now
made it impossible to really think about Hoseok.

“Man, I thought you were dead. You ignored my texts for three whole weeks this time!” Says
Namjoon with a pout, eyebrows knit together in a light frown. Yoongi felt bad for letting his friend
hang like that, but he was simply not in the mood all those weeks ago to listen to his endless
rambles about his crush on Seokjin, Namjoon’s coworker. They were sitting at a table outside of
the coffeehouse Yoongi works at, a half empty cup of iced americano sitting in front of him as
Yoongi stared at his friend with a face void of any expression.

“Joon…you came to the cafe last week and almost run me over while crying like a fucking baby.”

Namjoon spluttered. “I-I didn’t cry! I had something in my eye!” Snatching Yoongi’s cup from his
hands, Namjoon took a big sip and immediately gagged as the bitterness of the coffee hit his
tongue.

“Why do you always try it when you don’t even like it?” Yoongi barked without any bite to it,
taking his cup back from the others grip. He was grateful to have Namjoon, him being the only one
who really understood Yoongi— (beside Taehyung of course)— without questioning the things
that Yoongi did. It made things less awkward, not having the need to always reach out and explain
himself nor apologizing for the radio silence.

“…Maybe I would have liked it now! You know that people change taste every seven years?” The
other pouted, taking a big sip of his milkshake then, humming in contentment as the bitterness
faded away into the sweet taste of vanilla. Yoongi just rolled his eyes as he took another sip of his
iced americano, placing it back on the table and looking straight at Namjoon with a raised
eyebrow.

“Then why do I still hang out with you then?”

“…This doesn’t apply to people you asshole.”

Yoongi fell into a fit of giggles then, shoulders shaking as Namjoon looked rather offended but not
really at the same time, he knew how Yoongi meant it. To change the topic, Yoongi simply said;
“So…you and Seokjin finally came around and started dating huh?”

1 , 2 , 3 — And here we go, Yoongi thought as he saw Namjoon’s pout being replaced by heart
eyes, hands flying in the air dramatically as he started rambling.

“He is perfect Yoon, I will Introduce you two next time. You will love him!”

“I’m sure I will…”

——————-———————————————
Yoongi hadn’t had the chance to get depressed, he simply had no time to get too deep into his own
head due all the stress in the last few days, which was great. Though now that the hectic schedule
started to slow down again, he couldn’t fall asleep as usual, and he contemplated just calling
Hoseok, but in the end he didn’t. Yoongi knew he could call the other whenever he liked but it felt
weird calling Hoseok in the middle of the night. He didn’t want him to feel like a distraction when
Yoongi couldn’t fall asleep, head too full with thoughts, mind racing endlessly to places he wished
he could ignore.

So when his phone rings at 4am the next night, Yoongi isn’t surprised to see Hoseok’s name on the
display popping up, signaling an incoming call.

„I thought you would call me.“ Came from the other side as soon as Yoongi picked up, a cute pout
visible in Hoseok’s voice. Yoongi should have called, he knows it. He knows Hoseok wouldn’t
have minded talking, even though they didn’t know each other at all, Yoongi was certain that the
other would have loved talking to him again.

„I’m sorry…weeks’ been busy and I didn’t want to be a bother. You uhm... have work and I didn’t
want to distract you.“ Hoseok hummed, a cute little sound he now and then made that Yoongi
remembered him doing in their last call as well.

„You know, I don’t have many customers nor do I have regulars. So my phone going off in the
night is usually rare. They mostly call on the weekends.“

Huh. That was new. Yoongi thought— „I thought you would be pretty popular?“

Hoseok laughed at that, which surprised Yoongi a bit. „Yoongi. I am a bisexual man. There are
usually not that many people, gay or not, calling a stranger at Night when they wanna hear filthy
stuff whispered in their ear and beating their meat to it. Usually the ones who call are old closeted
gay men who are in a relationship with a woman that can’t fulfill their fantasies becuase they dont
have a dick—Or elderly woman who are lonely and want to feel young again. I’m like…their little
dirty secret you know?“

Oh. Am I also Your secret? Yoongi wants to reply but he doesn’t. Instead he says; „Why do you do
it In the first place…?”

„Mostly for the money, though it’s not that much anymore. People tend to go out and fuck around
if they wanna get their pants dirty sooo...“
„What do you do when you aren’t…you know.“

„Get strangers a boner with my alluring voice?“ Yes, that voice- Yoongi wanted to say as his face
turned pink.

„I work at a dance studio as an instructor. The pay is great, I just work for the hotline for the extra
cash to support my excessive shopping habits.“

„But enough about me. What do you do when you aren’t plagued by insomnia?“ Well, Yoongi had
already mentioned his depression when they first called, said that nightmares visit him whenever
he closed his eyes and told Hoseok that his life is actually super boring and that nothing much
happens In his life because he spends all his free time huddled up at home staring at his wooden
ceiling. But he doesn’t know about the fact that Yoongi already knows him from work, and he
wants it to stay that way.

„I work at a coffee shop together with a friend. You would like him a lot. He’s actually more fun
than I am to be honest.“ Hoseok let out a disapproving sound, clicking his tongue, ready to argue.

„ To be honest; I don’t think you are boring at all. You are quite funny and I like talking to you.
Also, This other Yoongi I told you about? He also works at a coffeehouse. Maybe we could meet
up there some time?“

That would not be a good idea. Yoongi isn't ashamed of Hoseok by any means, but the thing is,
Yoongi is shy and very much insecure when it comes to meeting other people. He knows that there
is nothing to be afraid of and knows that Hoseok is nice from what he can tell, but…

„Ah…uhm yeah, maybe.“ He answers instead. It’s not a yes, but a no either so it’s alright…right?

„Okay. Someday.“ Hoseok breaths, a hint of disappointment in his voice as he says it.

They talked some more after that, played 20 questions in which Yoongi found out that Hoseok was
a rather outgoing person— that he liked summer more than winter, that he preferred the beach over
mountains, that he had a dog named Mickey and a younger sister who was into fashion and
traveling. Hoseok asked about Yoongi as well and found out that the older had a dog as well,
though the pup lived at his parents house— That Yoongi had an older brother and that he hates the
sun and anything that involves too much moving around.

“What’s your favorite colour?”

“Green obviously! It has the same meaning as my alias and I like it a lot. And yours?”

“Yellow”

“Why?”

“Uhm…it’s the same colour as sunflowers which is my favorite flower.”

“And why are they your favorite?” “This is embarrassing…”

“No no, tell the crowd. We do not judge in this household!”

“ ...Uhm...Sunflowers symbolize strength and optimism. Their roots grow deep so they can
withstand strong winds. It’s like nothing can bring them down you know? I want to be like that too
one day…” There is a short pause, neither of them spoke, only their even breathing was heard over
the speaker. It wasn’t awkward but a rather comforting silence, and then— „What is it like?“
Hoseok had asked him then, confusing Yoongi slightly.

„What is what like?"

„…Having… depression. You don’t have to answer obviously—„

„It’s scary.“ Yoongi simply said, he didn’t know how to describe it better. „You are constantly
fighting your mind and body. It makes you lonely.“

„How so?“ Hoseok was genuinely interested in what Yoongi has to deal with and it kinda felt nice
to talk about it, so he didn’t mind telling him at all.

„You isolate yourself. You sometimes can’t even leave the house and you ignore friends and
family for weeks because you just can’t bring yourself up to answer. There is often no energy left
to deal with other things and it makes you feel bad. Sometimes I feel selfish for doing the things I
do.”

„ I don’t think it’s selfish to distance yourself when your head is too full with other things. Though
sometimes when your mind is bothering you too much, it helps talking about it.” And Hoseok was
right, it’s just that it isn’t that easy to open up. It’s bothersome and Yoongi doesn’t want that. He
doesn’t want to be a bother to others.

„It must be tiresome to act all fine when you actually aren’t, Just so others won’t worry, right?“

„Yeah, it is…“ A wet laugh left Yoongi’s lips then, a little sound that the other immediately picked
up on.

„You are so strong Yoongi, and I admire that about you.“ These words left a warm feeling in
Yoongi’s chest. Nobody had ever told him that. It was weird not getting pitted but rather admired.
It felt nice if he’s being honest.

„Thanks Hoba, I appreciate it a lot.“

————————————————————————

Their calls got more frequent after that and days turned into weeks and then Into months as they
made it a routine to call the other every night. It was something special which Yoongi held on
dearly, and soon he had developed a little crush on the dancer. Summer slowly made room for
autumn and the leaves turned from a radiant green to glowing shades of gold, orange and red.
When the sun made the trees glow, sometimes it looked like they were on fire, shining in the light
as the wind blew through the branches and letting them dance to a melody only they could
understand.

They hadn’t met yet, Yoongi always had another excuse to not meet up with the younger and
Hoseok didn’t pressure him with the topic so it was fine, he accepted Yoongi’s decision and said
that they would meet when he feels ready. But that changed abruptly when one day, Yoongi came
home from a shitty workday, when it rained without a pause and the pressure of the day sank into
his bones and everything came crashing down on him all at once.

He had opened the door to his apartment with shaking hands just in time before he slammed the
door shut and sank down to the floor, clutching his shirt where his heart was and seconds later,
Yoongi started weeping— the telltail of a panic attack.

That was the first one in the last few months and it came crashing down on him out of nowhere,
leaving his vision blurry and mind hazy while his body shook like the leaves in the wind.
Breathing felt more and more difficult as the buzzing in his head got louder and louder with each
passing minute and focusing got more and more impossible. He had to get out of this, needed to
calm down as soon as possible, because the longer he would be stuck in this mindset the harder it
would get for him to calm down in the end, which couldn’t be done alone then anymore.

Yoongi didn’t want to call Namjoon even though the other knew what to do in these moments,
though it would take him too long to get here and Yoongi was already starting to sweat. Not good.
Not at all. Don’t panic! It will be fine! His ears felt like being stuffed with cotton balls, so the
ringing of his phone was more like a distant buzzing and for how long it was ringing was unknown
to Yoongi as he tried desperately to get oxygen back into his lungs— focusing on happy things,
anything really.

As his phone went off again, he tried to reach for his back pocket, grasping it at the corner before
it fell to the floor right to his knees. Through foggy eyes he saw that Hoseok was calling him for
the fifth time now, so he reached out with shaking hands and pressed accept call and then right
after on the speaker button while desperately gasping for air. He could hear the others' confused
words like an echo in the far distance, could hear how Hoseok tried to comfort him through the
speaker and Yoongi tried to listen— listen to Hoseok’s calming voice as another sob wrecked
through his already shaking body.

“Hoba..I- I can’t breathe—“ is all Yoongi could say at that moment. And Hoseok was panicking
now too, Yoongi could hear it in his voice as the younger tried to calm Him down.

“Yoongi, listen to my voice okay? Breath with me. In and out. Do you hear me? Slow breaths
okay?” And Yoongi listens, does exactly what the other is asking for, slow and steady breaths. His
chest rising and falling as he listens to Hoseok breathing with him in sync.

“You are doing so well Yoongi. Just like That, in and out.” They breathe like that for a few more
minutes, Hoseok talking to Yoongi and Yoongi listening and breathing as his chest slowly stopped
screaming, as breathing became easier and easier and his hands stopped shaking altogether. His
mind was still a bit hazy, his body still too tired and heavy to properly move from his position on
the ground, but this was fine, this was better.

“Yoongi? Give me your address.” But Yoongi wanted to argue, wanted to protest and tell the other
that he was fine now and that it was okay, but Hoseok had none of that as he asked again after not
getting an answer right away.

“Fine Just…Here is my location;[ *********** ]. Third floor, the last door on the right.” So when
Hoseok knocks on his door not even five minutes later, Yoongi is seemingly surprised.

“That was fast…how did he—” So he got up from his sitting position, propped himself up on the
wall and opened the door on still wobbly legs. In front of him stood Hoseok in all his glory, his
chestnut brown hair ruffled cutely, a yellow sweater adoring his broad shoulders and gray
sweatpants that hugged his narrow waist perfectly. Yoongi didn’t know what to say as he just
stared at the other with wide eyes, all of a sudden feeling insecure in his worn out white shirt and
black shorts, his hair tousled and unkempt, cheeks probably blotchy and eyes puffy from crying.

“Wait. It’s..you. You are that Other Yoongi— oh my god!” Hoseok beams as he slings his arms
around Yoongi’s form and pulls him in for a bear hug.

Yoongi made a strangled sound in the back of his throat from the crushing hug, but Hoseok’s scent
that filled his nose calmed him down significantly. He smelled like summer and sunshine, fresh
and warm and homey like his most favorite blanket or a cup of afternoon tea— so Yoongi closed
his eyes, taking in another deep inhale of Hoseok’s scent without being creepy (it probably still
was) as his own arms wrapped around the other's waist, burying his face in the crook of Hoseok
neck.

They stood there for a while, neither of them spoke as they savoured the other's presence and
warmth. When Hoseok slightly pulled away to look at Yoongi, a wide smile adored his lips, eyes
shining brightly.

“I have so many questions! But let’s get you inside first, hmm?” And Yoongi just hummed,
reluctantly letting go of Hoseok’s warm embrace as they both got inside, the younger holding
Yoongi’s arm as he seemed to be still a bit unsure on his legs which made him blush slightly.

“Where is the kitchen?” Hoseok asks then as he leads the older to the couch while looking around
the room.

“Ah no need, I can make us something to drink. You are a guest so you don’t—“ Yoongi was
already standing up again but Hoseok pushed him back down with a stern look.
“No no. Stay put and let me take care of you. Now?!” Hoseok cocked his head to the side, looking
expectantly at the other, So Yoongi just sighted, motioning towards the kitchen with his hand.
Hoseok didn’t sound as if he was pitying him, but his voice was laced with concern which made
Yoongi feel less bad but still uncomfortable. He didn’t want to be a burden for Hoseok and it must
have shown on his face as the younger looked back in that moment— a warm smile on his lips.

“I’ve got you, Yoongi. Let people take care of you sometimes as well.” And with that he vanished
into the kitchen, leaving Yoongi with a fluttery heart behind.

It was quiet in the apartment apart from occasional clatter of mugs, the tap running and the water
boiler hissing, signaling the water was done boiling. Yoongi had stared at his wooden ceiling
again, not needing to search for the eyes as he immediately found them. It gave him a sense of
control, something that didn’t change no matter how often he stared at it, and it was great— it
helped him calm down when his heart was beating out of his ribcage and his mind was running
miles without a break. Right now though, Yoongi felt calm and collected, he didn’t feel as anxious
as a few minutes ago, but his heart was now beating faster for another reason which was the fault
of one Hoseok who used his kitchen as if he lived here.

The thought of the younger man sharing this space with Yoongi made him blush furiously as he
shoved his head into the pillows with a loud groan. Hoseok walked back into the living area with
two steaming mugs just in time to witness Yoongi’s little meltdown, observing the others behavior
with an amused smile as he placed the mugs on the little table and allowed himself to plop down
on the ottoman right next to a still groaning Yoongi.

“You okay there?” Hoseok giggled as he poked Yoongi’s butt, making the other yelp into the
pillow. Yoongi pulled up from the couch then, lips pulled into a pout.

“What was that for?”

“Your butt looked tempting…I couldn’t help it” The younger shrugged as he grinned
mischievously.

“My butt did nothing to deserve this treatment!” Yoongi moaned while getting another giggle from
Hoseok.

“How are you feeling?”

“Hm..” Yoongi thought hard about how he felt at that moment. Was he feeling better? Definitely.
—Was he good enough to be left alone? Definitely not.

“I feel better knowing you are here…” Yoongi decided to say, he felt a bit stupid for saying it like
that, but it was true, he did feel better knowing Hoseok was here because he wasn’t sure if he
would be okay on his own with his mind threatening to betray him again once he was alone.

“Want me to stay over? I can sleep on the couch?“

“Ah..This might sound weird and you don’t have to do it obviously but….can you sleep with me?”
Heat spread over his face and down his neck as he realized how his question must have come
across, his mouth gaping like a fish on land as Yoongi desperately tried to correct his sentence.

“I-I mean not like that obviously! I just..I- I don’t wanna be…alone tonight…’s scary.” But
Hoseok just pulled him into another hug, his soft hair tickling Yoongi’s cheek as he carefully
patted down his back.

“Of course, whatever makes you feel better.”

They drank their tea while Yoongi listened to the other ramble about work at the dance studio
which turned out to be very interesting. It was nice seeing him talk about his passion, when his
eyes got all sparkly and big and his smile appeared even more bright. Hoseok was an instructor for
the little ones, kids from five up to ten years old. They are currently preparing for an event and a
dance competition that will be held in two and five weeks. He even invited Yoongi, telling him that
it would be fun and that he will give it his all, and Yoongi agreed because he has a ridiculous crush
on the other and would agree to anything Hoseok says. So after their teas were finished and
Yoongi had yawned for the tenth time, Hoseok shooed him into his room to get ready for bed.

“I will get you shorts and a shirt, you can use the shower. Bathrooms’ at the end of the hallway, left
door.” Hoseok nodded, took the clothes Yoongi got for him and disappeared Into the bathroom.
When the door clicked shut, Yoongi had to hold back a scream because what the actual fuck?
Hoseok is using his shower which means he is naked and he will be sleeping in Yoongi’s bed and
—

“Oh my god I haven’t changed the sheets in forever!!!” In a hurry Yoongi stripped the bed and put
on new sheets and as Hoseok emerged from the bathroom, damp hair and face glowing in a healthy
pink colour from the hot water, he was met with a sweaty and panting Yoongi who had finished
just in time.

“Uhm…showers’ free if you wanna use it.” Yoongi blinked at him for a few moments before, yes.
That’s… that's a good idea.
“Ah yeah, haha. Uhm you can leave your clothes over there— uhm. Yeah. I will be right back.”

As Yoongi left the room, Hoseok had time to look around a bit more. His eyes scanned the walls,
landing on photo frames and all sorts of knick knacks such as some Kumamon figurines and
wooden animals. In the pictures was Yoongi with another man, deep dimples adoring his cheeks as
they both smiled into the camera. Hoseok couldn’t stop the pang of jealousy in his heart as he
looked at the picture once again. He looked young, they both did— maybe a good friend or an ex?
Yoongi tried not to take too long in the shower and as he got out and changed into some fresh
clothes, he went back to his room to find Hoseok standing at his shelf, looking at a photo of
Namjoon and Yoongi.

“That’s Joon, my best friend. He is also into wood carving. Those animals are from him.” Came
from behind Hoseok which startled him slightly.

With a nervous laugh he turned around and was met with a sleepy looking Yoongi. His hair was all
fluffed up, his cheeks a cute pink and his eyes slightly hooded. Hoseok had to hold back the urge to
just walk over, grab Yoongi by the neck and just kiss his stupidity cute pouty lips and oh no this is
going to be bad for Hoseok's heart.

“L-let’s go to bed, you look tired.” Hoseok says Instead, heart beating faster and faster as Yoongi
just nodded, rubbing his eyes with his fist.

As they laid down and found a position that was for both comfortable, there was a big gap between
them which neither of them seemed to want to change anytime soon. In the otherwise quiet room
nothing was heard except their even breaths and the occasional ruffling of sheets. Yoongi wanted
to say something, anything to make this awkward silence go away, so he said the first thing that
came to mind.

“You remind me of a sunflower.” A long pause.

“Why, because of the yellow sweater?”

“N-no you idiot.” Yoongi grumbled, reaching over to shove the other's shoulder which made
Hoseok break Into a fit of giggles.

“…when you stood there, in front of my door, all smiles, I couldn’t help but think that you are just
like a sunflower. The way you carry yourself, head held high, eyes unwavering and strong… It
made me feel ...safe.” Hoseok hummed then while slightly turning around so he was looking at
Yoongi’s side profile. He reached out then, his pointer finger playfully poking his cheek that was
cutely puffed out. He is pouting!

“What was that for?” Yoongi said rather flustered, turning his head so he could look Hoseok in the
eyes.

“You are cute s’ all.” He simply returns. And as Yoongi looked over In the barely lit room, it
seemed as if Hoseok was blushing after he said it, but Yoongi could have imagined it, his mind too
tired, eyes slipping shut from time to time as he just hummed— letting Hoseok continue abusing
his cheek.

It was less awkward after that, the gap between them slowly disappearing as Yoongi felt two
strong arms pulling him in for a hug, earazing the last remaining space that separates them while
his face was now pressed Into the other's warm chest. This was nice, Yoongi could get used to this,
to falling asleep with someone beside him. But he doesn't want to. Hoseok was just a friend, there
was nothing between them anyways and that was okay. So he closed his eyes and took another
deep breath, letting Hoseok's calming scent and warm body lull him to sleep.

When Yoongi woke up to sunlight streaming through the open curtains, he felt like dying. The
aftermath of his panic attack hitting full force as he tried to wiggle out of the sheets, suddenly too
hot. His heartbeat immediately picked up again as he was unable to move, something holding him
down, and he couldn’t get free, couldn’t get away—

“Yoongi?” A sleepy voice says then, right beside his ear which made Yoongi flinch slightly.
Hoseok. It was just Hoseok.

Yoongi closed his eyes then as he felt how a pair of warm lips touched his forehead, lingering there
for a few seconds.
“Good morning” Hoseok smiled as he pulled away slightly, meeting eyes with a furiously blushing
Yoongi. Hoseok looked breathtaking even now, his hair sticking out in every direction, eyes puffy
from sleep. He looked soft, vulnerable, cute — Yoongi wanted to kiss him so bad.

“Let’s get you out of bed, I will make breakfast okay?” Hoseok smiled softly and Yoongi didn’t
feel like arguing this time, knew it was to no avail, instead he nodded dumbly and pulled his aching
body up into a sitting position.

“I feel like I’ve participated in one of your dance classes, holy shit.”

“I might be strict, but I’m not a monster okay?” Hoseok deadpanned as he lightly slapped Yoongi’s
shoulder who dramatically fell back down, groaning in fake agony.

“Okay drama queen, I call you when breakfast is ready.”

And with that, the younger man made his way to the kitchen, but not before leaving another peck
on Yoongi’s forehead. As Yoongi laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, listening to Hoseok’s happy
little noises that filtered through the slightly open door, he couldn’t suppress a smile as his hand
reached to his forehead, fingers sliding over the spot where the other had kissed him. Yoongi felt
giddy, heart fluttering in his chest, the spot where Hoseok’s lips had touched was still tingling
lightly.

Now should be the time for a mental breakdown, right? That moment when you start to panic and
wonder if this is all just a sick joke from the Universe, but to Yoongi’s surprise it didn’t come. The
anxious feeling was not there, just…a weird feeling in his stomach. Butteries maybe? Yeah,
definitely. It has been a while since Yoongi had fallen for someone. Yoongi had never met a
person who made him feel quite like Hoseok did. He didn’t want to mess this up and didn't plan on
confessing to the other either. Yoongi will keep it a secret, his one little secret that nobody has to
know about because It would make things complicated between the both of them if it would spill
from his lips and he did not want that. Hoseok seems to be a nice person, not only to Yoongi but in
general— genuinely nice to everyone surrounding him, so Yoongi wouldn’t be surprised if the
others' feelings were different from what Yoongi is going through right now.

It kind of hurts to know that your feelings might not be reciprocated but in the end it was better this
way. At least Yoongi had found a new friend, and that’s all that matters really. Before Yoongi
could turn this one good thing into a bad one, he climbed out of bed and walked Into the kitchen,
eyes instantly landing on Hoseok at the stove in Yoongi’s clothes as he swayed his hips to an
imaginary tune playing in his head. The sight was so utterly domestic that Yoongi felt the sudden
urge to walk straight over, sling his arms around the other's waist and kiss his neck. But he didn't.
Of course he didn't.

“Sit, sit! I hope you like pancakes!” Pan in hand and a spatula in the other, Hoseok motioned for
Yoongi to sit down at the table as he saw the other enter the kitchen, immediately placing three
pancakes on Yoongi’s plate and then onto his own.

“How do you drink your coffee?” Hoseok asked then, walking over to the coffee machine with a
raised eyebrow.

“Two shots of espresso, one spoon sugar.”

“Do you want to have a heart attack? That caffeine will hit you like a brick-“

“Exactly.” Yoongi deadpanned, his expression sober as he looked at Hoseok with an unwavering
stare.

“You are so weird, oh my god! But fine, as you wish. Death cocktail coming right up Sir.” He
saluted with a fake seriousness which earned him a salute from Yoongi in return. They ate mostly
in silence apart from Yoongi’s gushing over Hoseok’s delicious pancakes and Hoseok’s happy
giggles as he watched the older eat— cheeks bulging adorably as Yoongi happily munched on his
breakfast.

“So why didn’t you tell me that you were the other Yoongi?”

“Because I didn’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was…a shy pansexual.”

“You still are a shy pansexual though.”

“Well, yeah? Who wouldn’t be in the presence of..of you.” Yoongi stuttered as he wildly gestured
at Hoseok with his fork.

“So you find me hot and don’t know how to function around me?”

“Shut up and eat your stupid pancakes.”

“Oh my god— You didn’t deny it!”

——————————-———————————————

Today was the day in which Yoongi had the honor of meeting one Seokjin Kim, Namjoon’s
legendary and mysterious boyfriend. They had decided to meet up at Yoongi’s workplace on his
day off, so he had approximately one hour left before he would meet up with them. Yoongi was
kind of nervous about meeting Seokjin. Not really scared but not keen either. Meeting new people
was always a great struggle he had to deal with, but meeting your best friend's boyfriend? That was
on a whole other level.

Yoongi had every right to freak out though, because he had only one chance to leave a good
impression, to make it right. He doesn’t want to get disliked by the older, doesn’t want their future
hang outs to be awkward and ruin the mood— or worse, cause Namjoon any trouble that would
end up with him fighting with Yoongi, or with Seokjin.
No, he doesn’t want that. At all. This issue was not unknown to Yoongi though, he had to deal with
this kind of situation once before and it didn’t end well. His classmate slash friend back in the days
met this Girl which he clashed with right away. She wasn’t rude or unfriendly by any means,
though there was something about her that made Yoongi dislike her from the beginning. This
caused some major issues with his friend and ended in him leaving on his own accord, simply
because Yoongi couldn’t stand the weird atmosphere and the constant arguments with his friend.

So no, Yoongi will not let this happen again, no matter how this Seokin person is. Yoongi will
swallow down every single thing he might dislike and be the good friend he is supposed to be. So
he puts on an outfit that says he’s an ‘responsible caring friend’ rather than his usual attire that
screams ‘emo twink. Don't touch, it bites’.

When he enters the coffeehouse exactly one hour later and spots Namjoon‘s pink mop above the
other customers right away, he approaches the table with cautious steps, eyes scanning the table for
another person that would probably be Seokjin who...seemed scarily familiar the closer he got to
the table.

“Hi! You must be Yoongi! I’ve heard so many things about you!” Says Jin who stood up then,
almost towering over Yoongi as a perfectly manicured hand was extended, his plump lips
stretching Into a wide smile.

“…I hope only good things.” Yoongi murmurs wearily as he reaches for Seokjin's hand, shaking it
with a tight grip, lips pressed together into a thin line as he sends Namjoon a glare.

Fuck he is not good at this!

“Of course, of course! I’ve already ordered drinks so sit down! I wanna know every little dirty
secret you know about my Namjoonie.” Seokjin winked, his hand secure on Namjoon’s shoulder
who just laughed nervously, staring at Yoongi with a look that screams; don’t you dare!

But Yoongi just smiles wickedly, ignoring Namjoon’s bleeding eyes as he turns his full attention
back to Seokjin. Yoongi already likes him. Seokjin was breathtakingly beautiful, his honey brown
hair was neatly trimmed and perfectly styled, his eyes round and accentuated with eyeliner that was
slightly smudged at the corner— His plump lips covered by a thin layer of gloss and his broad
shoulders framed by a classy baby blue button-up shirt.

So all in one, Seokjin looked like a fucking Model without really trying and Yoongi felt straight up
intimidated by the sheer power and confidence the other radiated. They started off with some basic
information such as age, job, hobbies and so on. It turned out that Seokjin was actually a rather
insecure person, though he masked it with false confidence.
“If you aren’t confident, then act like a bad bitch until you feel like one.”

And then, when Seokjin mentioned that he was good at cooking, Yoongi was hit by a sudden
realization as he stared with wide eyes at the older.

“Wait, you said you are a chef— do you maybe have a cooking show?” Seokjin blushed furiously
at that, the previous talk about acting like a bad bitch long forgotten as he tried not to choke on his
frappe, Namjoon carefully rubbing his back.

That’s a yes then.

Seokjin was great and it was fun talking to him. The fear of fucking this up from earlier now long
gone as they continues to happily chatter away.

After their second order arrived, this time carried by a beaming Taehyung who wagged his
eyebrows suggestively in the distraction of Namjoon and Seokjin, earned himself a pointed glare
by Yoongi and a kick under the table to his shin by Namjoon. Their conversation carried on after
that, Seokjin made some stupid jokes from time to time while being the only one who really
laughed about them— though he didn’t seems to mind at all as he continues chatting while
massaging his boyfriends neck. Gross.

Namjoon was honestly pretty disgusting as well, his face in awe as he listened to every single word
the older said, nodding even though Yoongi was sure he didn’t listen at all— too focused on the
others' striking features. But who was Yoongi to judge, he would too, if he would be Namjoon.

After a while, the two lovebirds fell Into their own little conversation, giggling and kissing and
being just overall disgustingly in love which was endearing and gross at the same time. So Yoongi
was rather surprised when a hand landed on his shoulder out of nowhere, slightly startling him as
he turned around to see a surprised and very handsome Hoseok, hair damp from sweat. Ah, he must
have come straight from practice.

“Yoongi!!” — pause. “Wait, Seokjin? What are you doing here?!!” Whisper-yelled the younger all
of a sudden, pointing at Seokjin with an accusing finger as if the other had committed a crime by
just sitting here. Namjoon got kind of forgotten by that ruckus but he didn’t seem to mind, his eyes
still fully trained onto his boyfriend.

“I am here with the love of my life, obviously. Also, who are those other two cuties you brought
with you?” Jin nodded behind Hoseok who turned around and pulled two other men to his side.
Yoongi hadn’t seen the company who tagged along, his mind totally focused on the still very
much prominent hand on his shoulder.

“Ah, of course. Seokjin, Yoongi? May I Introduce to you; Jimin and Jungkook. They work with me
at the dance studio.” The two men in question bowed politely as the taller one, probably Jungkook,
waved shyly— his cheeks painted in a soft pink as his smile stretched around large front teeth
which reminded Yoongi of a bunny.

Their introduction got interrupted as they could hear the clatter of tableware in the back of the cafe,
someone tripping and cursing followed by a very loud “JUNGKOOK!!!” As an overly excited
Taehyung made his way over to the table as well.

“Oh uuh…h-hi.” Jungkook said shyly, face turning even more red as Taehyung literally jumped
onto the his back a moment later as confused stares were directed at them.

“Wait wait wait. So you all know each other in some way?” Said Seokjin with a raised eyebrow,
looking from Yoongi to Hoseok and then to Taehyung and Jungkook.

“I know Yoongi from the coffeehouse, we live in the same apartment complex.” Replied Hoseok
with a blinding smile, while Jungkook was seemingly flustered by the reunion with Taehyung.

“I work with this idiot.” Yoongi pointed in the direction somewhere behind him where Taehyung
was standing.

“I met Kookie at a club I went to a few months ago. But he hadn’t texted me back after we
fucked.” A pout visible on Taehyung’s lips as he let go of the other and stared at him with a deep
frown.

“I luckily don’t know any of them. And with them I mean this one.” Jimin replied as he pointed at
Taehyung. “I just tagged along because Hoseok said he would pay for coffee.”

“Ok so Let me get that clear. Jungkook hooked up with Taehyung and was too shy to text back,
and Hoseok has Yoongi on a leash but they haven’t fucked yet even though I can feel the sexual
tension from here?” Yoongi let out a strangled sound at the implication of him and Hoseok
possibly fucking, which made both Seokjin and Jimin laugh in delight, a devilish glint in Jin’s eyes
as he scanned Yoongi and then Hoseok— who to Yoongi’s surprise was just as flustered as
himself.
Jungkook didn’t seem any better as he was about to faint from the sheer embarrassment, horror
written all over his face, meanwhile Taehyung tried to get some life back Into the other by fanning
air with his hands.

“Okay, get some chairs and plant your cute asses down. Gimme the tea.” Jin said as he leaned
forward, a fat smirk plastered over his handsome face.

And Yoongi? Well, Yoongi was sure that this would be a long, and embarrassing day.

When they parted ways around 9pm after Jin had wrung them out like a wet towel, as he got every
little dirty detail of each and every single one of them, Yoongi was exhausted to a point where he
was sure to sleep for an entire week. Talking to Seokjin was fun so don’t get him wrong, but it was
also brutal in a way that felt like being in a trial, charged guilty while trying to talk your way out
and Jin was the head prosecutor. so basically ‘game over’.

It also turned out that Jungkook was not too shy to text Taehyung back after they had fucked, but
he simply texted the wrong number. Taehyung later on apologized for making an error and saved
the correct number this time, giving Jungkook another heart attack by grabbing his cheeks with
both hands and kissing his jutted out Lips. Jimin said without hesitation after being asked if he
found anyone hot, that both Seokjin and Namjoon were totally his type and that they should Invite
him for movies soon which…yeah. Everyone knew how that would probably turn out.

Seokjin was delighted and Namjoon was on the verge of tears as Jimin planted his ass right on his
lap— occasionally wiggling just to see the taller turn beet red. Yoongi had to ask Namjoon about
this later.
So all in all, it was pretty great. New friendships were formed, and maybe something more than
that, while misunderstandings were cleared. Maybe except the one with Hoseok and Yoongi. The
atmosphere was ridiculously awkward as they both walked side by side. Living in the same
apartment complex was a given and a curse at the same time— and since that moment back in the
coffeehouse, they had barely interacted, maybe except from a few shy smiles and barely there eye
contact that made Jimin gag more than once while Seokjin seemed to literally vibrate by the sight
alone.

So while they continued to walk with that awkward air between them, Yoongi remembered the
documentary about black holes and wished once more that one would swallow him up right now.
But of course the silence between them couldn't stay for too long, so Yoongi faltered in his steps
and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“So…what Jin said earlier…about us…you know..” Yoongi almost whispers, not daring to look at
Hoseok at all as his eyes were trained straight forward.

“Ah, uhm..don’t worry. He is always like that. Sometimes I wish he would just swallow the things
that are about to leave his mouth.” Yoongi didn't know what to do with that answer, so he just
hummed and continued walking, which seemed to be a reaction Hoseok wasn’t satisfied with.

“Uhm, it’s not that it bothers me, what he said I mean. I really like you!! So uhm…” Hoseok was
quick to add And that kind of made Yoongi halt in his steps.

Wait What?

“What?”

The light from the streetlights cascaded a yellow hue over Yoongi, his pale skin glowing gold as he
stood there with wide eyes, making Hoseok pause as well— Yoongi looked incredibly beautiful
right now, so Hoseok was brave and took a tentative step towards the other.

“I like you. Very much so. If it throws you off or anything then just pretend I didn’t say anything.”
Hoseok’s face was void of any doubt as he said it, unwavering, confident, but his eyes were filled
with vulnerability as they darted to Yoongi’s and then back to the ground.

“You like me.” And it came out more as a laugh which was not intended, but it instantly draws
Hoseok’s attention back to Yoongi now.—This was a joke right? A dream from which Yoongi will
wake up any minute now, right? And then Yoongi started to laugh for real this time, tears gathering
in his eyes, ready to fall as he threw his head back dramatically.
“Is that…something funny? Why are you laughing?” Hoseok sounded almost pissed as he
observed the other with hurt eyes, slowly taking a step back from the other who seems to be totally
out of it now.

“No! God no— it’s just. Fuck. Gimme a second okay? Just, I need to process this first.” Yoongi
was trying to calm down, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie while holding his other in
front of his body. A few more giggles left his mouth then as he took a deep breath and spilled
everything that he kept to himself for so long.

“I had like, the biggest crush on you for months and- and you decide to drop that bomb now? Right
here?? Oh my god I can’t— are you sure? This isn’t a dream right?! Am I dreaming? Hoseok tell
me I’m awake, please-“ And then a pair of soft lips were pressed rather harshly against his, leaving
Yoongi wide eyed and speechless.

After a moment, their press of lips morphed into something slow and soft which seemed to snap
Yoongi out of his trance as he now too, moved his lips in sync with Hoseok’s. But before Yoongi
could deepen the kiss, The other pulled away, so Instead, Yoongi rested his forehead against
Hoseok’s with another laugh, silent this time, and with a deep sigh he looked Hoseok in the eyes.

“We should uhm..probably talk? Yeah, we should talk. Definitely yeah that's a g-good ide—“
Yoongi got cut off by Hoseok placing a peck on his lips again. And then again and again until both
were giggling into the other’s mouth.

“I agree, Let’s talk. But at home because I really wanna lay in bed with you right now.” Murmurs
the other, a sweet smile stretching over his face, cheeks slightly pink. Yoongi smiles then as he
Intertwined their fingers together, pulling the other to his side as they continued to walk towards
their apartments.

Yeah, today might have been exhausting and fucking embarrassing, but it was also the best day
Yoongi had in a very long time.

——————-
It has been two weeks since that fortunate night, and they srill haven’t talked about it. All they did
was fall Into bed in a tangled mess of limbs and a fit of giggles. They shared some more kisses,
cuddled and then they fell asleep, just like that. No talking. No nothing. Yoongi didn’t know why
they hadn't talked about this yet, their relationship. Why the fuck haven’t they talked yet? What the
fuck are they now?

They parted the next morning after having breakfast, and somehow nothing really had changed
since then which made no sense at all. They called every night, watched movies at Yoongi’s place,
had even dinner together but Hoseok simply acted as if nothing had happened between them and it
made Yoongi fucking insecure. He told Yoongi he liked him, and Yoongi told Hoseok the same—
so why?! He wants to talk. He wants to talk about this because this was important and not talking
about it made it feel like they were stuck in limbo and they haven’t even started anything yet!!!

So Yoongi texts Hoseok a simple “I’m coming downstairs.” Before he could change his mind and
threw his phone on the couch, not bothering to put on shoes as he leaves his apartment on socked
feet and with newfound determination.

But the very moment Hoseok had opened the door and pulled him Inside, Yoongi's confidence to
talk went flying out the window— his old friend ‘anxiety’ flooding his body and mind instantly as
he realized that, wow , he hadn’t thought about this at all. What should he even say? And what
should he say— And how the fuck should he tell Hoseok that he had never…slept with someone,
that he was actually freaking out which was an embarrassing fact that held him back immensely
from voicing it out.

Great. Fucking awesome!

Twenty Eight year old Yoongi knows that being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, that a lot of
people actually wait for the right partner to make it into a special experience. But eighteen year old
Yoongi was ashamed of it back then, nothing more and nothing less. It was bothersome to be
honest— because whenever his friends bragged about their crazy sex-life back in university,
Yoongi just sat there silently, nodding occasionally or agreeing on things he had never done before
just to not attract any unwanted attention. Because the thing is, Yoongi feels only sexually attracted
to a person he has feeling for, though he does not feel a strong desire to have sex with his potential
partner either which made him worry back then.

He had even talked to Mrs Kim about it once, not long after his first session, which was
embarrassing and awkward as he tried to explain it to her and she tried to understand, though her
wording was rather clinical at that time.

“Maybe the lack of skinship with a potential partner lets you believe that you don’t feel the desire
to pursue any kind of sexual activity because you are simply inexperienced in this kind of field.”
Eighteen year old Yoongi wanted to be offended by her statement, wanted to deny it, but he
thought about it for a long time after he had left the therapy session— his head full of doubt.
Maybe he wasn’t normal. Maybe something was wrong and he should visit a doctor instead.

But after reading through a lot of articles and visiting sites where people had the same questions
and worries as him, he had finally found a name for what he felt and realized that he was not alone
with this. So twenty eight year old Yoongi knows now that he is somewhat inbeteeen the asexual-
and demisexual spectrum, which was already confusing on its own because asexual people felt not
always completely opposed to sex like most people would think (stupid prejudices. There is more
to it than just that), while demisexual people only felt sexually attracted to people they had a
deeper connection with.

So he was fine now, for a long time— just not really with the fact that he was still very much a
virgin and he had no clue how to bring it up. Fuck.

When Hoseok motioned for Yoongi to sit down on the couch while he would prepare some tea,
Yoongi was still having a mild mental breakdown. So instead of letting the anxiety take over,
Yoongi distracted himself by looking around. It was actually the first time for him to be in
Hoseok’s apartment so he was surprised to see that there wasn’t much furniture— though it still
radiated warmth due the bright and colorful details here and there. Hoseok had a shelf full of
books, picture frames that shows him with what were probably friends and family and a lot of
DVD’s— His windowsill was overflowing with succulents and little figurines, the couch was a
light teal color with dark green pillows and there were even a few pop-art pieces hung up on the
wall above the TV.

It looked exactly like Hoseok felt, bright and bubbly and homey, a happy place to be. “Here, I hope
you like strawberry tea. I hadn't found the time to go to the store yet.” Hoseok says rather
apologetic as he extended a hand and handed it over to Yoongi. Yoongi got a bit startled, too deep
in his head still as he had not heard the other coming back.

“No no, Don’t worry. I actually love strawberry tea a lot.” Hoseok hummed as he sat down beside
him, a little gap separating them as an awkward silence followed (not for the first time…) which
wasn’t for long as Hoseok turned his body towards Yoongi, eyes open and searching. Yoongi took
a deep breath then, ready to start the conversation, but Hoseok had beaten him to it.

“So…you like me and I like you.” His unwavering stare boring holes into Yoongi’s side and
Yoongi wanted to fucking scream!

“Y-Yep.”

“So…..You wanna be my boyfriend?” Yoongi chokes on his tea. Well— he was expecting
anything but that.

“Your boyfriend.”

Hoseok nodded. “Yep.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

Silence. And then— “Imavirgin.” Yoongi blurted out then, eyes growing comically wide as he
looked at Hoseok, waiting for a reaction, any reaction really— but there was none. Hoseok was
looking at him with a blank face, mug raised to his lips, unmoving. Maybe Hoseok hadn’t heard
him?

“I..I said I’m a v-virgin.”

“And?”

“…And!?…”

“You wanted to talk, right? About this, about us. Do you think I would change my mind and take
back what I just said? Because of that?” Yes, yes that’s exactly what Yoongi thought.

“Look at me? Please?” And Yoongi does. Tears already burning behind his eyes, but he tried to bat
them away. He will not cry.
“Being a virgin is nothing bad okay? I had my first time with seventeen and it was horrible. -100/10
would never do again. You are fine, okay? We are fine.”

And Yoongi, not knowing if he should let the tears fall or if he should laugh, because honestly?
Hoseok was awesome. Not only in Yoongi’s eyes but in general. So Yoongi musters every ounce
of courage he has left, ready to drop the other and last bomb that bothers him more than being a
fucking virgin.

“I don’t know how to say this but uh…there is something else I have to tell you.”

Hoseok clutched his shirt fake scandalized, eyes wide as he dramatically whispered; “Don’t tell me
my boyfriend of not even five minutes is actually married and has four kids because that—” He
joked, obviously, but as he saw that Yoongi wasn’t laughing though having a rather worried look
on his face, he paused. So instead Hoseok placed his mug on the table and reached out with his
now free hand, right on Yoongi’s knee, encouraging him with a nod.

“Im not a fan of s-sex.” He whispered after a pause, blushed as he said it, eyes briefly darting up to
see Hoseok’s reaction, and what he saw made him actually cry. Perfect! Hoseok smiled. He simply
smiled and Yoongi broke down, the weight that fell from his shoulder at that moment was so huge
that he didn’t know how to cope.

“Hey hey don’t cry—“ Hoseok said quickly, pulling Yoongi Into a hug after taking the mug out of
the other's hands, swaying them both from left to right in a comforting manner.

“I don’t like sex that much anyway. Sex is stupid.” He whispers as his right hand finds its way to
Yoongi’s nape, squeezing it lightly. Yoongi laughed then, a wet little sound leaving his lips as he
slings his arms around Hoseok’s waist, breathing in the other’s calming scent.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being awesome.”

Yes, Hoseok was really fucking awesome.
 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes

i am a virgin. yes. this is not new, but it also shows my skills in writing filth. please
have mercy ive tried my best to make this somehow presentable TvT

They were dating for over six months now and nothing spicy had happened so far, which drove
Yoongi mad to say the least. — Not because they hadn't taken that significant step yet, but more
because of the fact that Hoseok didn't seem to care. like at all. There were no awkward boners or
any indications that Hoseok was turned on. He was cool and collected and never touched Yoongi
in a way that might have made him feel uncomfortable—which he appreciated a lot. But fuck! If
Yoongi would say he wasn't horny for the last two weeks...including right now, he would be lying.

But here comes the problem; No matter how far Yoongi was willing to go, no matter how often he
initiated something, the moment they kissed and the situation got just a bit more heated, Hoseok
immediately pulled away, leaving Yoongi aching and yearning for more. So to make his point
more clear, Yoongi would whine then and try to kiss him again, but Hoseok never complied, a
careful hand always pushing him away with a smile, maybe a pained one, but a smile nethertheless.

He can't even be mad at Hoseok, in the end, Yoongi knows that the other is just being considerate
and respecting Yoongi’s boundaries. But Yoongi is sexually frustrated to a point where he is ready
to snap.

Their deep and long ass conversation about this whole sex thing happened six months ago at that
night they became officially boyfriends— But now, Yoongi just wants to sit on his boyfriends dick
and ride him until he can’t feel his legs anymore. But how in the world is he gonna approach this?
How should he drive Hoseok wild without being super obvious or making the other uncomfortable
instead?

Yoongi had tried everything, literally.

He had worn shorts— the really really short ones (Taehyung had recommended them), had shown
off his pale legs while laying on the couch, had sucked a lollipop like his life depended on it, he
had even tried to slut drop while presenting his ass to Hoseok, but it led to nothing. No staring, no
touching, no boner, no nothing.
Either Yoongi was really bad at this or the other just simply didn’t wanted to fuck Yoongi which…
is kind of ridiculous. Hoseok might had mentioned to not like sex that much, but Yoongi had
known he said it for the sake of it, just to make Yoongi feel better. So why?

Maybe calling Jimin would be a good idea, that fucker managed to seduce both Jin and Namjoon
in the span of not even a month. Yoongi still wonders how he did that, it was honestly remarkable.
But knowing Jimin, he probably had to just bat his eyelashes cutely a few times while wiggling his
ass right in their faces to make them finally snap. Jimin was even bragging about it back then, to
everyone's dismay, and if his three day limping was anything to go by, it was good. Very much so.

Gladly it was Yoongi's day off today, Hoseok would not be coming home before 5PM so he still
had plenty of time left to call Jimin and prepare for whatever the younger came up with. So Yoongi
unplugged his phone from the charger, scrolled through his contacts and opened Jimin's info, and
with a final deep breath, Yoongi pressed on the call button before he could change his mind at the
last minute.

“Hi Yoongi! What's up?” Came from the other end after just the fourth ring, cheerful and bubbly,
but slightly out of breath.

“A-are you alone right now? Is Hoseok with you?” Nervous, he was so fucking nervous.

“Huh? No, he is having a break with Kook. Is something wrong?” Jimin sounded slightly worried
now, so Yoongi just dropped the bomb.

“I wanna sleep with Hoseok but I don't know how to seduce him because he just won't touch me!”
He said without a pause. It was silent for a while before it clicked and then Jimin started laughing
right into the speaker. Maybe Yoongi should have called Seokjin instead…

“Okay, first of all, thank you for consulting me for advice and not Seokjin, it means a lot to me.”
Yoongi just groaned as Jimin continued. “Secondly, Hoseok is the horniest person I know, after
myself of course. So I can't imagine how he can hold back from jumping you to be honest.”
....Huh?!

“Well uhm...He never touches me unless it's cuddling or holding hands. Maybe he doesn't find me
that attractive after all…”

Jimin clicked his tongue. “That's bullshit and you know it,” he barked, “If he wouldn't like you or
find you at least a bit hot, the two of you wouldn't even be in a relationship in the first place.” And
yeah, Jimin is right, Yoongi knows that…This was just his stupid insecurities speaking again.
“Then...can you help me?”

“Oh Yoongi, my naive innocent virgin fairy. Of course I will help you on your journey of popping
that cherry. Now, listen closely because I'm not gonna repeat myself.”

Yoongi was fucking nervous. Before the call with Jimin had ended, he was advised to take a
thorough shower, brush his teeth, style his hair, put on some light makeup and then change into
one of Hoseok's baggy shirts, so Yoongi did exactly that. But as he pulled one of his boyfriend’s
favorite oversized tees over his head and let it fall, the hem of it reached mid-thigh and swallowed
his small form up completely. Yoongi walked in front of the mirror with hesitant steps and sucked
in a breath as his eyes raked over his own body. He looked damn cute. And maybe a bit hot, but he
would never admit that out loud.

It felt a bit weird to stand there in nothing more than a shirt and boxer briefs, his freshly shaved
legs kind of chilly so exposed. Yoongi had never looked at himself that closely before, but as he
stood there, half naked, turning from left to right to admire himself from each angle, he couldn't
help but stare at himself in awe. His knees were a faint pinkish color, just like his knuckles and
elbows. His skin was almost porcelain like, pale and unblemished, which he hoped would be
different by the end of tonight.

Jimin did a great Job in guiding Yoongi through this whole process and giving him all these tips, so
If Hoseok wouldn't want him after looking like that, Yoongi was ready to commit arson.

His boyfriend came home an hour later, sweaty and fucking hot, Just like Yoongi loved him, but
then he got suddely nervous again. He tried to stay calm by busying himself in the kitchen,
warming up some leftovers from lunch in the microwave, just in case Hoseok hadn't eaten anything
yet.

“I'm Home!” Came from the entrance a moment later and Yoongi had to take a deep breath,
chickening out now would be ridiculous looking all dolled up, but Yoongi still had some doubt
about this whole thing. What if Hoseok would ignore his own desires again just to protectHim
again?

No. He will not let this happen because today is the day on which Min Yoongi loses his virginity,
no matter what. So now or never.

“I-I’m in the Kitchen!” Okay, so that wasn't as smooth as he wanted it to sound and hopefully his
boyfriend didn’t hear the stutter, but Hoseok would enter the kitchen any second now, see Yoongi
in one of his shirts and either bolt or bend him over the counter. The last part got him kind of
excited embarrassingly quick as he pressed his tights together involuntarily. Yoongi waited and
waited, anticipating the reaction from his boyfriend which….didn't come.

So he turned around then, kind of disappointed by the lack of response and ready to complain,
though the moment he locked eyes with Hoseok, Yoongi was met with lust and desire flashing
through his eyes. Hoseok was leaning against the doorframe casually, but his jaw was clenched as
he drank in the sight before him. He was quiet, seeming to savour the moment as his eyes traveled
down from Yoongi's neck to his half exposed thighs and bare legs, and then back up to his pink lips
where they stayed a tad too long. The intense stare and the sudden attention on him made Yoongi
fidget slightly, cheeks turning pink as he saw how Hoseok licked his lips.

“Jimin had warned me about a surprise waiting for me, but I hadn't expected this.” He then quickly
added; “You look beautiful.”

Hoseok's intense stare wasn't wavering even a second and the sudden compliment made Yoongi
blush even more as a soft rosy color traveled down his neck, making his stomach flutter.

“...Thank you.” Was all he could say as it came out as a mere whisper, his hands folded in front of
his body, feeling too exposed all of a sudden. Hoseok pushed himself from the door frame then,
walked towards the other with slow steps and stopped a few inches in front of Yoongi. He lifted his
hands after a moment of pinning Yoongi down with his stare and was now holding his face with a
touch so careful and delicate that the older wanted to scream.

“Are you sure about this? I don't want you to feel obligated to do this, so please be honest with
me.” The fire and lust in Hoseok’s eyes from a few moments ago was now gone completely, but
there was something else there, worry maybe? And of course, Hoseok was once again making sure
that Yoongi was comfortable, that he wasn't doing something he was not hundred percent sure
about. So Yoongi didn't know what to do other than cry, so he did. He realized once again just how
much he loved Hoseok, always so considerate and caring and—
“I love you.” Yoongi blurted out, a wet laugh escaping his lips as he said it, and he really meant it
as a big smile stretching over his lips— tears still continuously streaming down his soft pink
cheeks. Hoseok was seemingly torn between wiping them away, to just kiss Yoongi or pull him
into a hug, so he thumbed away another wave of fresh tears that were rolling down the others
cheeks until Yoongi was somewhat calmer. After the tears had somewhat stopped, Hoseok erased
the remaining distance between them and connected their lips in a soft kiss. They lingered there,
almost unmoving, and Yoongi savoured the feeling of soft skin under his own as Hoseok let go of
his face and instead wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s waist to pull him flush against his chest.

“I really want this. I want you. please?” Yoongi whined into the kiss then, all needy and demanding
and Hoseok couldn't help but groan. Yoongi's voice was sultry and seductive, eyes hooded while
biting his tinted lips.

“You know,” Hoseok murmurs after letting his head drop onto the others shoulder, kissing and
biting the fair skin there to which Yoongi moaned in responce, so so sensitiv already— “I was fine
with the idea of never having sex ever again. I wanted to see you happy, comfortable. And If that
meant for me to keep my dick in my pants, I was willing to do exactly that. But now that I see you
like this, all dolled up and in one of my shirts whining and begging already, I'm afraid to go too far.
To lose control somehow and unintentionally hurt you. It scares the hell outta me…”

Oh. So that was the reason for the other to always pull away before, to push Yoongi away...he was
simply scared.

Yoongi wanted to cry again, but instead he says; “And that's one of the reasons why I love you so
much. You always put my needs above yours and I appreciate it. But I really, really want you to
fuck me. Like, now.”

That made Hoseok pull away from the others neck, eyes searching for any sign or discomfort or
uncertainty, but he only found want. So Hoseok surged forward and pulled Yoongi into a bruising
kiss.

Yoongi had never been kissed so passionately before, not by anyone nor by Hoseok. Their usual
kisses were more tender and slow, but this one was so full of want, desire and unspoken feelings
that it honestly made it hard for Yoongi to keep up with Hoseok's movements. Instead he let the
other lead the kiss while he let his hands travel upwards over the other's taut abs and further up to
let them rest right over his boyfriend‘s heart.

Feeling how fast it was beating underneath his hands filled Yoongi instantly with relief. He was
not alone, not the only one nervous and excited, and it felt so good— So when Hoseok did
something with his tongue that made Yoongi’s toes curl while simultaneously squeezing his ass
hard— Yoongi didn't hold back anymore as he openly moaned into the others mouth.

Hoseok took that as his cue to haul the other up and on the counter top, hands still on Yoongi’s ass
as he pressed his boyfriend flush to his front. Yoongi whined then, his already half hard dick
pressing deliciously against Hoseok’s and he couldn’t help but circle his hips in slow but tight
motions, rubbing them together shamelessly.
“Ugh! You don't know for how long I've wanted to do this—” And it was true, Yoongi had
fantasized about this specific scenario for days now, ready to get fucked against their kitchen
counter, drooling, whining, fucking desperate— So his movements were kind of sloppy now,
rushed and too eager in a way it was almost endearing. Hoseok seemed to not care, not in the
slightest. He even smirked as they broke the kiss just to let his teeth scratch over the sensitiv mark
he had sucked onto Yoongi's neck earlier, letting his tongue travel lower and lower until he reached
the collar of Yoongi’s shirt, his shirt.

“I really wanna bend you over and fuck you like this, all pretty just for me, but not here.” Yoongi
could just nod dumbly as he let out another whine after another particular hard suck on his neck, so
he wrapped his legs around Hoseok’s waist instead and slung his arms around his neck before the
younger placed his hands under Yoongi's thighs to lift him up and off the counter.

They continued to kiss lazily as Hoseok maneuvered them towards their bedroom, kicking the door
open and then walking straight to the bed— But Hoseok was a romantic, of course he was, because
instead of just throwing Yoongi on their bed like a caveman, he laid him down so carefully that
Yoongi was feeling dizzy from the sudden change of behavior.

Hoseok was hovering over Yoongi, staring for a second and letting his eyes rake over the delicate
form of his boyfriend once again. Yoongi’s shirt had ridden up slightly, revealing more smooth
skin that Hoseok couldn't wait to mark up— paint his fair skin in pretty shades of red and purple.

The younger let his long slender fingers glide over the others thighs and up up up, until he reached
Yoongi’s briefs, hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled them down slowly while keeping
eye contact with his lover. Yoongi was seemingly nervous, Hoseok knew that. But he also knew
how badly the older wanted this, how hard it was for Yoongi to cross this line— to be vulnerable
and at the same time open up completely to Hoseok, trusting him with something so important and
clearly special.

Hoseok was Yoongi’s first in many things and he wanted to be Yoongi’s last as well. So he tries
very hard to make him happy, because Yoongi’s happiness was his happiness, and at the end of the
day, that’s all that really matters.

He was careful as he spread Yoongi’s legs wider, as he crawled between them, as he lowered his
body to kiss him as a distraction before he pressed a single finger to Yoongi’s hole, testing, teasing.
But Yoongi was tense, too tense. So Hoseok pulled away both his hand and lips before opening his
bedside drawer and pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom.

“I love you, and I want you to be happy, okay? When we're gonna do this, I want you to be
absolutely honest with me and tell me if something feels off or uncomfortable. Promise me.”
Yoongi slightly startled as he was spoken to, he was probably somewhere deep in thoughts to react
that strongly to the others voice, but as Yoongi refocused and looked at Hoseok, he nodded— eyes
filled with determination.
“Okay. I promise.” Hoseok smiled at that, leaning down one more time to place a chaste kiss to
Yoongi’s lips before he got up and off of the bed. Yoongi followed his every move with a
hawkseye, observing the others actions as Hoseok pulled his own shirt over his head, revealing sun
kissed skin as he then threw the piece of clothing somewhere onto the floor. The way the younger
moved— so graceful and slow, reminded Yoongi of when Hoseok was dancing. His movements
were smooth and elegant and it left Yoongi staring in awe.

It also was the first time he saw his boyfriend naked. They had never seen the other void of any
clothing before and seeing Hoseok’s lean muscles and abs Instead of feeling them over his clothes
now, was so exciting, so special that he couldn’t stop staring. Hoseok obviously did this on
purpose, just to rile Yoongi up, or probably to distract him, but Yoongi didn’t mind in the slightest
as his eyes raked over his boyfriend's body shamelessly.

“You like what you see? Came from Hoseok as he cocked his head to the side with a smirk.

Yoongi had to hold back from rolling his eyes at that, so instead he said; “I don’t know, I’ve seen
better.” Which was a blatant lie, but it made Hoseok gasp, clutching his chest in fake offense so it
was totally worth it.

“Is that so? Then I guess I have to look for another person who appreciates this!” He said while
making a ridiculous pose, flexing his biceps, head held high. That made Yoongi break out into a fit
of giggles as he rolled to one side, clutching his stomach—and that was exactly what Hoseok was
aiming for. He wanted Yoongi to forget all this, to let go and get comfortable, so seeing him relax
made Hoseok instantly feel relieved. As he stripped off every piece of clothing, Hoseok climbed
back on the bed and was now, once again, kneeling between Yoongi’s legs.

“Are you ready?” Hoseok wanted to make sure a last time, make sure that Yoongi was really okay
with this, and as he got an annoyed eye roll from the other and a snappy ‘do it already’ which had
no real bite to it, Hoseok grabbed the bottle of lube, opened the cap and covered two of his fingers.
Yoongi was nervous again for a split second as he saw the other warming up the lube, but after a
deep breath, he opened his legs even wider, presenting himself so beautifully while looking at
Hoseok with hooded eyes that the other had to hold back another groan.

“You are good at this.” Said Hoseok as he brought his hand between the others legs.

“Good at what?” Yoongi asked, confused. Hissing as Hoseok's lubed up finger circled his hole
slowly.

“Good at seducing me. You don't even know it, but I had to hold myself back from jumping you so
many times, that it is almost ridiculous.” He said after a pause before he finally pushed his finger
inside to the first knuckle. Yoongi gasped, eyes pinched together as he felt his boyfriend’s long
finger brush against his walls, but Hoseok was once again so careful in what he did that Yoongi felt
immensely grateful.

“Are you telling me that I am actually a natural at this?” Yoongi moaned as Hoseok slowly pushed
in deeper, occasionally bending his finger upwards and brushing Yoongi’s prostate. Yoongi
wanted to tell him that he’s okay now, that he could go faster— but he also knew that Hoseok
wouldn’t do that, so he tried to relax and Instead focus on the sensation.

“You are a menace honestly. Sucking that lollipop? Very bad. But Slut dropping while presenting
your cute ass to me? That nearly broke me.” Hoseok was moving faster now and It felt weird, but
not uncomfortably so.

“Wow, and you decided to ignore my attempts at seducing you? I thought you didn’t want me!”
That made Hoseok halt for a second, looking at Yoongi with a shocked expression.

“What do you mean?— I always want you! You are hard to ignore when you look all soft and
pretty!”

“We are both idiots.”

“Yes we are, but what's new?”

“Hoseok?”

“Hmm..?”

“Move your finger or I swear to god i will cry again.” Okay, so,Yoongi had never considered
touching his behind when he pleasured himself, always stuck to the old fashioned way which was
enough— But when Hoseok used a second finger after Yoongi’s empty threat of crying again, he
hissed on reflex, legs tensing. It didn’t really hurt, but it did still sting a bit. So he kept on taking
deep and steady breaths. Hoseok looked deeply focused again as he moved his fingers, switching
between observing Yoongi's face and then back to Yoongi's hole fluttering around his digits. It
made Yoongi blush a deep red as he opened his eyes and looked at the other and saw how
Hoseok’s erection reacted to his occasional gasps and moans.
So when the other brushed against his sensitive spot with his fingers again and Yoongi squealed in
surprise, he couldn't help but stare at the others' bobbing length and instantly clench down on
Hoseok’s fingers. Hoseok had noticed, and pushed in a third finger alongside the other without
Yoongi realizing which made him arch his back, because fuck! Two fingers were already a
challenge but three? Yoongi didn't want to think about how it must burn with Hoseok’s massive
dick up his ass.

The drag of Hoseok’s fingers made him groan, the slide more painful now, but strangely, after a
few more thrusts, it started to feel good— In Fact so good that Yoongi could only whine, his mind
hazy and clouded with lust as his hips started to move on their own to the rhythm of Hoseok’s
fingers. His boyfriend catched up immediately as he reached for Yoongi’s erection then, hard and
leaking, while slowly stroking up and down in tandem to his fingers that were now moving at a
quicker pace. And oh, that was—.

“A-ah fuck!” A strangled cry left Yoongi’s lips at the sudden friction around his neglected length,
filling the otherwise quiet room with grunts and whines and the embarrassing wet sound of lube.
Yoongi started to wirth on the bed now, not sure if he wanted to move away from the pleasure that
was surging through his body now, or if he wanted Hoseok’s fingers deeper inside, harder, faster.

At this point he was sure he would come like this any minute now while Hoseok kept on stroking
over his throbbing length mercilessly. Though Hoseok had seen the change in the others demeanor
a moment later as he then, very abruptly let go of Yoongi's erection and pulled out his fingers right
after. Yoongi wanted to protest, ready to cry in frustration, tears already forming in the corner of
his eyes while his lips were pulled Into an adorable pout, as he stared daggers at the younger.
Hoseok just smiled apologetic, wiping his fingers on the sheets which was slightly gross, but
Yoongi could care less. Why had he stopped when he was just about to come? But before he could
voice out his complaint though, Hoseok had reached down between his own legs, giving himself a
few strokes— groaning, head thrown back in pleasure at the first contact since they had started
this.

“That’s so fucking hot, wow.” Was all Yoongi said as he stared at his boyfriends blissed out
expression, face and chest red from arousal, muscles tense, biceps flexing as his hand moved up
and down his shaft slowly, almost teasingly so. Hoseok stopped not long after though as his eyes
landed back on Yoongi. So he grabbed the condom that was laying beside his knee and pulled it
over his length.

“Come here.” He motioned for Yoongi to get up so they could switch positions— which slightly
confused the older, because why was Hoseok sitting down now?

“Uhh..” But Hoseok just pulled him Into his lap. It was slightly awkward and Yoongi didn’t know
what to do exactly, but Hoseok just pressed him flush to his chest and pulled Yoongi into a deep
kiss. The kiss wasn’t as rushed and desperate as the one back in the kitchen, but was instead filled
with passion and love. Yoongi hummed into the kiss as the other dragged his tongue over his
bottom lip, nipping at it playfully.

“This will hurt a bit, but I will make sure to make this good for you. Do you trust me?” Yoongi
nodded, eyes staring into Hoseok’s. So the younger lifted Yoongi’s hips slowly, grabbed his own
erection which he had coated with lube, and aligned himself to Yoongi’s gaping hole.

“Relax.” Is all Hoseok said before he slowly pushed in. The tip was sliding inside rather fast which
surprised Yoongi a bit, but after Hoseok pushed his own hips up slowly, the stretch was more
noticeable now, making Yoongi grunt in discomfort. Hoseok paused while Yoongi took deep
breaths, legs tense, arms winded around Hoseok’s neck as Yoongi let his head fall onto the others
shoulder.

“You are doing great, just a bit more okay?” Yoongi nodded again, not having the mind to use
words at the moment, too far gone already even though they haven’t even done anything life
changing yet— But he figured that the overwhelming feeling was normal and that he would get
used to this soon. So He braced himself after a final deep breath and pushed his hips down on his
own now, surprising not only himself but Hoseok as well.

“Oh- fuck!!—'' moaned the younger, his face now pressing into Yoongi’s neck as well while his
hands were gripping the Yoongi’s hips so hard that Yoongi was sure it would leave marks. Yoongi
had taken Hoseok’s length inside almost completely, so with a final push downwards, his ass was
now seated in the other's lap completely. He felt so full, —so good. Hoseok’s thick length stretches
his insides and fills him up so well that he doesn’t dare to move until Hoseok's hips kick up
unintentionally. They both groaned then, Hoseok’s low rumble made his chest vibrate while
Yoongi threw his head back, letting the pleasure consume him completely. This was insane. The
feeling of Hoseok inside him was fucking insane. So with slow and careful movements, he dared to
lift his hips then, still testing the waters. When he got used to the stretch, Yoongi lifted his hips up
a bit more and sank back down. Over and over again while little whines fell from his parted lips.
Their chests were heaving by now, breathing erracted. Hoseok’s jaw was clenched tight, head still
buried into Yoongi’s neck— his legs were tense and the grip on Yoongi’s hips got even tighter
than before. Yoongi was worried.

“A-are you okay? Does something hurt?” He whispers while patting his boyfriends head
affectionately, hips stilling in their movements.

“I- I feel like dying.” Came a choked reply after a moment which surprised Yoongi. He had never
heard the others' voice so pained before. “Should we stop? Are you feeling unwell?” Yoongi had
pushed the other slightly away then, looking At Hoseok’s face now.
“N-no! This is so good, too good. I feel like snapping any second now and I don’t want to hurt
you.” And Yoongi immediately understood. Hoseok was holding back, holding back from moving
because he was scared— scared to hurt Yoongi. And Yoongi was once again ready to cry like so
many times before, because fuck. So Yoongi cupped his lover's face carefully in his hands and
kissed the tip of his nose, over and over again until Hoseok opened his eyes and looked right Into
Yoongi’s.

“I want you to feel good too. Your pleasure is my pleasure. Don’t hold back okay? I’m not as
fragile as you think.” And Hoseok laughed tightly which made Yoongi moan instantly, the
movement from the other automatically jostling Hoseok’s shaft that was still very much seated
Inside him.

“Oh shit, sorry.” But Yoongi just kissed him again before he pushed his hips up and off of
Hoseok’s length with a grunt.

“ Don’t hold back. Show me how much you want me.” So Hoseok flipped them over so that
Yoongi was laying on his back again, eyes wide in surprise by the others' sudden display of
strength— but Hoseok just smirked, leaned down and captured him in another kiss. This one was
deep, passionate and fucking filthy. —A kiss that made his toes curl, a kiss that left him breathless
and panting, whining in the other's mouth for more. Their tongues brushed against each other a last
time before they pulled apart. Yoongi’s head was swimming, he could barely keep up with
Hoseok’s Intensity that he was left speechless, literally.

“You look so damn pretty.” Hoseok said in a low voice which left Yoongi shivering. His voice got
even deeper as he bowed down again, right next to the olders ear while whispering; “I will make
you feel so good that you can feel it for days afterwards.” Before he took a hold of his throbbing
length and pushed Into Yoongi once again. Hoseok was still careful as he did it, the slide was more
smooth now, easier— Yoongi opened up so perfectly that they both moaned in union as the
younger one bottomed out with one swift motion. He paused for a second, hands traveling from
Yoongi’s calves up to his things, gripping them hard and bending him almost in half.

Yoongi got the hint and held his legs up— and then Hoseok started moving. His thrusts were long
but brutal, dragging his thick cock in and out of his boyfriend's hole. Hoseok placed his hands
beside Yoongi’s head for leverage before he started a quicker pace, groaning against the others lips
as he leaned down again, nipping at Yoongi’s lips once more. Yoongi was a mess, he couldn’t hold
back the desperate little whines and moans spilling from his lips as his hands let go of his legs—
gripping the sheets instead, knuckles turning white. His back was arching off the bed, legs
clamping down around Hoseok’s waist now as the younger hit a spot deep inside him over and
over again that made him see little Specks of white.

“Hnng— oh fuck!” Head thrown back and presenting his throat to the other, Hoseok took the
chance and attached his lips to suck hard. He was groaning against Yoongi’s throat as the other
tightened around him in reflex, making Hoseok stutter slightly in his movements as Yoongi’s hole
clenched around his dick hard.

“You feel so fucking good! So tight around me—“ Hoseok picked up his pace again, getting even
faster and making Yoongi cry out at the sudden change of pace. His body jolted upwards and
towards the headboard with each powerful thrust from his boyfriend. Breathing got more difficult
as each breath got punched out of Yoongi’s lungs again, his eyes started to water, ready to cry. Cry
because it felt so good, cry because he was so damn happy.

This was something he had dreamed about for weeks now, and finally feeling fully connected to
his boyfriend filled his heart with contentment. Hoseok slowed down when he saw that Yoongi
was crying, but instantly smiled when their eyes locked. He looked happy, and even though
Yoongi was crying, his eyes spoke volumes. This meant so much to Yoongi. He had explained that
even though he was not a fan of sexual intimacy, it was important for him to do this step, to
overcome his insecurities and worries and just let go. This was the final step in their relationship
and Hoseok was so unbelievably happy to be a part of this, that he had to hold back tears on his
own. Yoongi seemed to be near his climax now as his breathing got more ragged, his eyebrows
knit together in pleasure— But Hoseok wasn’t any better, his muscles were tense, his biceps
bulging so deliciously that it left Yoongi moaning shamelessly. Hoseok’s thrusts got more irregular
now, and Yoongi was left gasping as waves after waves of hot pleasure surged through his body
whenever Hoseok hit his prostate.

Yoongi took his own throbbing erection in his hand and pumped it in tandem to Hoseok’s thrusts,
his hips meeting the others sharp movements, filling the air with the sound of skin meeting skin. It
didn’t take him long to fall over the edge after that, his back arched off the bed once more, eyes
rolling into the back of his head as a silent cry ripped through his body while his orgasm came
crashing down on him like a bucket filled with ice water— leaving him panting, speechless. As
Yoongi came slowly down from his high, Hoseok let out a low groan and with a few last deep and
sharp thrusts, he came a few moments later deep inside Yoongi. He stilled then, chest rising
rapidly, forehead glistening with sweat as he leaned down to kiss Yoongi again.

“Fuck.” The younger one just breathed and Yoongi couldn’t hold back laughing against the others
lips despite being exhausted. He whined when Hoseok’s dick shifted inside him, brushing over his
oversensitive prostate again. They both smiled in contentment as a few more lazy kisses were
exchanged.

“Thank you.” He whispers against Hoseok’s lips after the other had pulled out, flopping down
beside Yoongi and pulling him Into a hug.

“For what? For fucking you?” He joked, but Yoongi just swatted his arm in fake annoyance.

“For making this good for me.”

“You are very welcome.”

“Hoseok?” “Hm..?”

“Can we do round two?”

“Oh wow. I’ve created a monster!”

„As if you would say no…“

„True.“ „Hoseok?“

„…What now?“

„I love you.“

„Love you too.“

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