Track 16

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Chapter 6 Lecture Birth, Marriage, and Death Today, I want to talk about customs in the United
States. Not all customs, of course, but customs surrounding certain important events in almost
everyone's life. As I'm sure you know, customs vary so much from culture to culture that it's
often bewildering for someone trying to understand the traditions and customs of a new place.

If you ask people to explain a custom, they may be quite surprised. Doesn't everyone do it this
way? They may ask. In a country as large as the United States, with people from so many
different parts of the world and different cultures, it can be even more bewildering.

But if we look at the country and its people as a whole, we can find a kind of general culture
with traditions that are often accepted. If they're not accepted completely, they may at least be
adapted to fit in with the customs and traditions of each immigrant group. So today, let's look
at some widely accepted customs and traditions of most Americans concerning three of life's
most important events or passages, birth, marriage, and death.

The birth of a baby is a momentous occasion in most families and is celebrated in some way or
another. One of the most common ways in the United States is the baby shower. A shower is
given by a close friend or relative of the expectant mother shortly before the baby is due.

At the shower party, the mother-to-be is showered with gifts for the new baby. The gifts may be
small ones or very expensive ones, but there is always a very emotional expression of good
wishes for the expected baby and its parents. The gifts are opened and everyone admires them.

There's always a lot of advice from experienced mothers. A few years ago, it was almost
unheard of for men to participate in baby showers. But men's participation at baby showers is
becoming more common.

After the baby is born, most families participate in some kind of spiritual ceremony according to
their religious faith. Traditionally, Christian babies are baptized in a ceremony involving
washing the baby's head with water. The specific significance of baptism and other ceremonies
varies from religion to religion, but they all involve celebration of the birth of a baby.

Now, marriage is another passage that has many customs and traditions surrounding it,
particularly activities having to do with the wedding. Once again, it is very hard to generalize
about these customs because they vary so much among different people. But there are some
customs that are often observed.

It is no longer necessary for a young man to ask permission of a young woman's father for her
hand. But most young people still very much want their parents' approval of the person they
hope to marry. It is also still traditional for a young man to give his fiancée a diamond ring at
the beginning of their engagement period.

As for the actual wedding ceremony and related celebrations, traditionally, it is the bride's
family who pays these expenses. The wedding ceremony can be a very simple one, with only a
few family members and close friends present. Or it can be very elaborate, with hundreds of
people in attendance.

The traditional reception that follows the ceremony can be as simple as cookies and punch in
the house of worship where the ceremony took place, or as elaborate as a large sit-down
dinner held at a local hotel, with music and dancing following the dinner. One very popular
tradition associated with weddings is, once again, a shower. At a wedding shower, the bride-to-
be receives gifts to help her set up her new household.

These gifts might be electrical appliances, sheets, towels, pots and pans, and so forth. In
addition to shower gifts, wedding gifts are also expected from people who receive wedding
invitations and attend the wedding. Those who receive invitations but don't attend the wedding
may or may not send gifts.

An interesting tradition associated with weddings probably dates back to 19th century England,
and possibly much earlier. It is said that a bride should be wearing or carrying something old,
something new, something borrowed, something blue. Also, on the day of the wedding, it is
considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress until the ceremony.

Another popular tradition is the bouquet toss. When the bride turns her back to all the single
women who gather behind her and tosses her bouquet over her shoulder, tradition says that
the woman who catches the bouquet will be the next one to get married. Traditionally, most
wedding ceremonies have been conducted in houses of worship.

However, people occasionally choose to get married in a non-religious ceremony conducted by

a licensed public official, like a judge or justice of the peace. In these cases, they may have the
ceremony at home, in the official's office, or even in a public space such as a park. The last
passage I'm going to talk about today is the passage from life to death.

The customs people in the United States follow in dealing with death again depend on their
traditions and religious beliefs. But all traditions and religions have to cope with one basic
issue, how to deal with the body of the deceased person. Some religions, such as Judaism and
Islam, require that the body be very quickly buried or put into the ground.

Christian and various secular traditions provide an opportunity for people close to the deceased
to visit and say goodbye to their friend or loved one. This event, sometimes called a wake,
usually takes place at a funeral home for a day or two before the funeral ceremony. At the
funeral service, which usually takes place in the funeral home or a house of worship, it is
customary for a religious leader to speak some words of comfort to the friends and family of
the deceased.
In addition, a eulogy is usually given by someone close to the deceased person. A eulogy is a
speech in which the good things about the deceased are spoken of. Sometimes, many people
take turns giving short eulogies.

After the religious ceremony, the body is usually taken to a cemetery, where it will be buried
after another brief religious service. If the body is cremated, the ashes are placed in a special
jar, called an urn, and either buried in a cemetery or kept in another special place of the family's
choosing. In recent decades, a different tradition has been developing.

In this tradition, the funeral and or cremation are attended by only a few close family members,
but a memorial service for the deceased is held later. Food and drink are served, and the life of
the deceased is celebrated with informal speeches in which people share their memories of the
deceased. As I said before, in a society so large and diverse as the United States, customs can
vary greatly, but I have tried to give you some idea of customs and traditions that are generally
accepted.

It's always a good idea to ask someone who has had some experience with the culture for
advice if you find yourself participating in any of these major life events.

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