Portrait of an ENFJ - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition)

The Giver
As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with
things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value
system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your
intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities.
More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and
care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's
main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are
focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things
happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make
people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get
the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs
who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people
to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time
alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be
hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might
avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs
tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and
may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they
will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of
their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted
types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from
expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others.
Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people,
they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner,
rather than as individuals.
Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values
and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will
be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and
open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced
with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they
are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of
aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people.
They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of
self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They
are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good
at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining
structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with
their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are
naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say
just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling.
They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can
inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or
appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal
with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world
of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get
excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless
with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can
use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their
genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people
makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of
effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and
trustworthy once involved in a relationship.
An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good
decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they
have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will
judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without
really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in
the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to
worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and
controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with
richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see
growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the
ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to
remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Extraverted Feeling

Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing
Inferior: Introverted Thinking

ENFJ Relationships

ENFJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. To some extent, the
ENFJ defines themself by the closeness and authenticity of their personal
relationships, and are therefore highly invested in the business of relationships. They
have very good people skills, and are affectionate and considerate. They are warmly
affirming and nurturing. The excel at bringing out the best in others, and warmly
supporting them. They want responding affirmation from their relationships, although
they have a problem asking for it. When a situation calls for it, the ENFJ will become
very sharp and critical. After having made their point, they will return to their natural,
warm selves. They may have a tendency to "smother" their loved ones, but are
generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and caring natures.
 ENFJ Strengths

Most ENFJs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues:

 Good verbal communication skills

 Very perceptive about people's thoughts and motives
 Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
 Warmly affectionate and affirming
 Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
 Good money skills
 Able to "move on" after a love relationship has failed (although they blame
themselves)
 Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
 Strive for "win-win" situations
 Driven to meet other's needs

ENFJ Weaknesses

Most ENFJs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationships
issues:

 Tendency to be smothering and over-protective

 Tendency to be controling and/or manipulative
 Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
 Tend to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
 Sometimes unaware of social appropriateness or protocol
 Extremely sensitive to conflict, with a tendency to sweep things under the rug
as an avoidance tactic
 Tendency to blame themselves when things go wrong, and not give themselves
credit when things go right
 Their sharply defined value systems make them unbending in some areas
 They may be so attuned to what is socially accepted or expected that they're
unable to assess whether something is "right" or "wrong" outside of what their
social circle expects.
 ENFJs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief,
sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of
consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

ENFJs make warm, committed lovers who are willing to go to great lengths for the
sake of "The Relationship". They're totally dedicated to the relationship, and to their
partner, and have a special skill for warmth and affirmation which brings out the best
in their mates. They take their commitments seriously, and are likely to put forth a lot
of effort into making a relationship work once they have commited themselves to it.
In the event that a relationship fails, the ENFJ will feel a lot of guilt, and take on
blame for the failure, but they will move on with their lives with relative ease, without
looking backwards.

Since relationships are central to the ENFJ's life, they will be very "hands on" and
involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly
asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be
a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of
the relationship.

Sexually, the ENFJ looks forward to intimacy as an opportunity to express love and
caring. The ENFJ is generally very interested in the happiness and satisfaction of their
partner. Because they achieve much of their personal satisfaction from making others
happy, they're likely to be skilled lovers. Like other Judgers, the ENFJ is likely to
follow a schedule for intimacy, and may be prone to becoming routinized. For the
ENFJ, the most important aspect of a sexual encounter is the affirmation of love and
affection.

Although the ENFJ will probably not ask for it, they need to be given sweet words
and loving affirmation. Since they are so externally focused on serving people, they
do not always pay attention to their own needs. Since much of their personal
satisfaction comes from bringing happiness to others, they're able to ignore their own
needs and still be happy much more easily than other types. However, if they focus
entirely on giving without doing some taking, they may find themselves in an
unhealthy, unbalanced relationship. They need to work on being aware of their needs,
and being OK with verbalizing those needs to their partners.
A problem area for ENFJs in relationships is their very serious dislike of conflict.
ENFJs will prefer to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on, if
there is likely to be a conflict. They are also likely to "give in" easily in conflict
situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to something which goes against
their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is
extended and will return at a later time. The ENFJ needs to realize that the world will
not end if there is a disagreement, and that dealing with things immediately initiates
closure. Ignoring issues will not make them go away.

In general, the ENFJ is intensely and enthusiastically involved in their personal

relationships. They bring fun and warmth into the equation, and are willing to work
hard to make things work.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship,
ENFJ's natural partner is the INFP, or the [Link]'s dominant function of
Extraverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is
Introverted Feeling. An ENFJ and INFP are ideally matched, because they share the
Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENFJ and ISFP are also a very good
match. How did we arrive at this?

ENFJs as Parents

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

ENFJs take their parenting role very seriously. They consider the task of passing on
values and goals to their children as paramount, and will strive to consistently be a
good role model to their children. The ENFJ considers it their responsibility to make
sure that their children turn out well. This characteristic, combined with the ENFJ's
definite values and ideas about the way things should be, usually results in the ENFJ
parent being rather strict, and having high expectations for the behavior of their
children. On the other hand, the ENFJ is also warm and affectionate with their
children, and very supportive and affirming. The ENFJ can also be counted on to take
care of day-to-day necessities for their children.
It is not usually easy to be the child of an ENFJ. The ENFJ's life focus is centered in
the sphere of relationships. They take their relationship roles very seriously. They are
very "hands-on" in relationships, always monitoring it's progress. This behavior may
be smothering to some individuals. ENFJs have very definite value systems, and well-
defined ideas about what is right and what is wrong. Since they believe that part of
their parental role involves passing their values and ideas to their children, and since
they are so concerned and involved with their children, the ENFJ has a tendency to be
a strict, controling parent, who is very aware of their children's actions. The ENFJ
needs to remember to allow their children the room for growth which is necessary if
they are to evolve into healthy, well-adjusted adults. With a bit of effort, it will be
possible for the ENFJ to balance their need to pass their values and ideals down to
their children with their children's need to develop as individuals.

The ENFJ will put forth a good amount of effort to make their children's home
environment warm, comforting and cheerful. They will be ready with a kiss and a
baid-aid for any hurt. Their normal attitude towards their children will be loyal, proud,
warm, and affirming.

As is the case with most types, ENFJ parents may have problems with their children
as they reach puberty. Their children will need more space at that age, and will begin
to resent the over-protective tendencies of the ENFJ. This problem will be magnified
in situations where the ENFJ is very manipulative. Since ENFJs are gifted with
exceptional people skills and personal presence, some ENFJ individuals who are not
supported by life's circumstances get into the habit of using these skills for personal
gain to get what they want or need out of situations. As they grow older, their children
will inevitably see the manipulative tendencies for what they are, and will begin to
question their parents' value systems, and strongly resent being forced to comply with
a set of values which may be somewhat hippocritical. The manipulative ENFJ, who
still has strongly-held values which they are driven to pass to their children, may then
find themselves "a day late and a dollar short". As an ENFJ, your best bet is to be
aware of your type's manipulative tendancies and to make every effort that you are not
using them in a negative way.

Usually, the ENFJ has nothing but the best intentions with regards to their children.
They are remembered by their children as very warm and supportive (although strict),
and are valued for passing on their goals and ideals.

ENFJs as Friends
ENFJs are warm, sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's feelings
and perspectives. They enjoy supporting and bringing out the best in others. They are
energetic and fun to be with. They seek authenticity in their close relationships, and
are very sensitive to the needs of others. All of these characteristics make the ENFJ
valued by their peers as a warm, supportive and giving friend.

ENFJs are interested in all sorts of people, and are likely to be able to understand and
relate to all of the personality types. The will excel at getting along with all sorts of
people when the situation demands that they do so. However, they will not choose to
spend their personal time around all of the types. They may resist spending a lot of
time with Sensing Perceiving types, whose carefree "live for the moment" attitude
may conflict with the ENFJ's strongly held value system. When seeking
companionship that is not romantic, ENFJs will be drawn to other Feelers who have
similar values and ideas. Since they live in a people-oriented world, they are not
comfortable with objective judgments which do not consider people issues.
Consequently, ENFJs are not likely to have close friendships with strong Thinking
types. They will be likely to especially enjoy the company of other iNtuitive Feelers,
as well as Sensing Judgers.