The BDSM protocol

Updated: Apr 17

In BDSM there is a set of rules

reasonable and sensible that determine how they should
ser nuestras conductas, comportamientos y
relationship with other people, in turn knowing what
we can expect from others. It is what

denominates Protocol.

Contenido del artículo:

Introduction
Some common mistakes regarding the Protocol
The Quasi Dogmas of BDSM
Las cualidades del Protocolo
Diversity in the Protocol

5.1. The Language of Symbols

5.2. The Protocol for the Master - submissive bond, humiliation and servitude

5.3. The Protocol on the Internet

5.4. The Protocol in BDSM Organizations and Venues

5.5. The Protocol Between Dominants

5.6. The Protocol among submissives

5.7. The Protocol in Security

6. One last note

1. Introduction

It is undisputed that there is a set of reasonable and sensible rules in BDSM.

that determine how our behaviors, conduct, and relationships should be
with other people, in turn knowing what we can expect from others.
Basically, it is what we could call Protocol. In the Dictionary
Bartomeu Doménech's multilingual BDSM (Ed. Bellaterra 2004) is defined as
set of rules that must be observed.

In addition to the above, the Protocol serves to develop fantasy and the
imagination adorns the bond and the relationship, making explicit each of the steps
what you should follow during a meeting.

Both ways of understanding the Protocol were named in a debate.

celebrated in Rosas5 (Barcelona) as a Generalized Protocol (which affects the
BDSM as a group) and another Internal Protocol (which affects the Master-slave bond).
No obstante, algunos practicantes del BDSM se rebelan contra dichas normas, hay
who question them and show themselves to be unsupportive of them, others, on the other hand, qualify it.
que son defensores de su existencia siempre que no sean muy elaboradas.

The shocking thing about this observation, which you can follow through readings in forums and
debates, it is that although much is written about the convenience or not of the Protocol,
few dare to go into detail about what the contents of that are
Protocol, on what concepts it is based, where it comes from or how to articulate it.

One reason for this lack is intrinsic to BDSM, a consequence of its variety and
its plurality of practices, so that for example, those rules to follow that
they could be considered very suitable for the practice of Bondage
irrelevant or become ineffective for other practices closer to the
sadomasochism.

The other reason is dialectical: What does the protocol include? There are those who consider
that should be excluded from being considered BDSM Protocol those rules or
objective and explicit norms that are focused around an event, organization or
local (referred to as, just like, rules or norms), and they must also be excluded
that are based on respect and good behavior of people (as far as
it is assumed for those who want to relate and integrate into the heart of a
Community); including therefore only those that do typify and adorn
properly the scene and the role behavior of the Dominant and the submissive.

Others, including myself, believe that the Protocol

is constituted by the existence of the set of norms, values, symbols, and
ways of relationship between people, although many are unwritten, and that are the
that confer a singular and specific character that allows appealing to the
BDSM subculture terms and BDSM lifestyle.

As I am aware that the debate on the Protocol will continue after this
article, and perhaps more out of a sense of foresight for when things happen
too late, I prefer to refer to the whole and not just focus on one part.
We must be clear that there is not a single Protocol. The purpose of this article
is to show where and how the Protocol acts and what the keys are for
any practitioner (beginner or experienced) knows how to manage themselves with their best
knowledge and relational capacity within BDSM.

2. Some common mistakes regarding

of the Protocol

The Protocol exists because there are relationships between BDSM practitioners. It is
necessary for the good harmony and coexistence of those who relate.

I believe we must take into account, above all, who the Protocol affects. A mistake
It is very common to think that the Protocol only applies when it comes to
organized activities that bring together a large number of practitioners of
BDSM. Some guidelines for behavior in a Master - submissive relationship already form
as a whole a Protocol. Incorporate a third person into that link or
relationship necessarily implies explaining how roles are manifested in it
link. It is true that where the Protocol is made public and manifest is in the
Organizations, venues with spaces equipped for BDSM and those
specific events for the meeting and development of some practices. Each one of
these cases may have specificities although most of their rules are
common.

Another very common mistake is to think that the Protocol only refers to how it should
behave as a submissive or slave in front of their Master, and by this indication to
other Dominants and submissives. They forget that the Protocol must also be followed.
and respected by the Dominants (the false idea of the Master "god") in relation to their
submissive and slave, in the relationship with other Dominants and with other submissives.

A generalization that also leads to frequent errors is to think that the

The protocol only extends to aspects like the dress code, a
specific jargon, use of facilities or apply the rules only at the moment of
development of a BDSM session or game.

To conclude with the description of situations that I consider wrong, another one that is
very often it is the one that considers that the Protocol applies only with
who has shown enough signs of deserving it. As a form of communication, the
Protocol reveals a lot of information: external appearance, aesthetics, savoir faire,
character of the role and experience.

3. The Quasi-Dogmas of BDSM

The Protocol exists because BDSM impacts, affects, and alters the physical state and
emotional for those who practice it. In any of its variants, BDSM
develops asymmetrical relationships: One person immobilizes - the other becomes immobilized;
a person exercises authority and power - another obeys; a person inflicts pain and
humiliation - another experiences it.

On a higher level, inviolable in some way to describe it and that we could

to consider them as dogmas is a set of values that revolve around the
concepts "Sure, Sensible and Agreed" (acronym SSC); and "Assumed Risk and
Consensual for Alternative Sexual Practice” (acronym RACSA or RACK). This
conceptual terminology, so many times cited and redefined in any virtual space
the physical aspect of BDSM aims to ensure that between the participants there remains
agreed upon practices, forms of communication and mechanisms of
security, the limits and scope of such practices; and that the process of
recovery or care that is required and that any negative physical alteration and
emotional will be adequately restored (you can consult this article
Session protocols in BDSMabout the session protocols).

Another set of values is intended to identify the attitudes and aptitudes that
They must identify the superior and inferior roles in these asymmetrical relationships.
Basically, it is answering two questions: What is expected of a Dominant?
What is expected of a submissive? Here the Protocol is more discreet and difficult to
to specify, because each BDSM Community emphasizes certain qualities or traits in
to the detriment of others, seeking greater adaptability for the whole of
people that congregates (for example, Hispanic societies have emphasized
a lot in those values that clearly identify BDSM outside of all
suspicion related to the predominance of men over women and situations of
sexual abuse). But all the Communities have in common that they describe the
expected behavior characteristics in both roles and the scope of the
respective responsibilities and obligations of all practitioners according to their
role. They are very widespread the10 rules for Dominantsand the10 rules for
submissivepatient, humble, open-minded, communicative, honest, sensitive
dominant/submissive, realistic, healthy body, and have fun.

4. Las cualidades del Protocolo

BDSM has not developed its own Protocol based on a precedent.

ideological or a philosophical current, not even a fantasy, (although the gorean
it has specificities of the fantastic world it recreates; in the articleGor:
a Master-Slave subcultureIt is about the Gor phenomenon.

We can assert that, on one hand, the BDSM Protocol is the result of
incorporate specific elements of their tradition, such as for example, the
use of a language - BDSM jargon; the forms of address that mark the
distance between roles; certain forms and variations of dress and nudity
corporal; the use of symbols and adornments for the body; the adoption of certain
body positions; some considerations related to safety in the
práctica BDSM, y todas aquellas otras variantes que hacen del Estilo de Vida una
alternative relational and sexual practices that transgress traditional ones
conventionally established in our societies. And on the other hand, added
to the above, incorporates for itself universal values such as respect for the
people, common sense, good practices, and maintaining good manners.

The most important quality of a Protocol is its practical utility, and in BDSM
the birthday. It exists because it is useful for every situation. Therefore its existence and the
consideration of being taken into account does not act in a coercive manner nor diminishes
creativity to those who fulfill it. Rather the opposite, it emphasizes and generates more
attention so that respect, good practices or good manners are carried out
the practice with exquisite care.

In the Master – submissive bonds, this sense of utility makes the Protocol
act as a powerful instrument of learning through conditioning
operating the instrumental, that is, through reinforcement and punishment such
widely used in BDSM.

For example, I recently read the instructions that a Mistress was giving to her submissive.

to set the table for her and her guests and the way to serve it: absolutely
none of those instructions had any specific peculiarity for BDSM,
quite the opposite, it was a summary of any manual on dressing and serving a table
diners. But his submissive must fulfill it with utmost care knowing that his
But she will be very attentive to whether you follow the instructions, or you will suffer the consequences.
from his punishment, ultimately, the submissive will implement a Protocol that obliges him
to manifest their behavior of being submissive to the will of their Mistress.

For BDSM in general, the Protocol serves to establish the general guidelines of
conducted its practitioners, the consideration of admission or not within the
Community to new people and their possible practices.

For the Dominant, the Protocol serves to set short-term goals in

relationship to her submissive, that is, within the limits
agreed upon, what things to practice and how he expects them to practice them so that he
report the expected benefit and pleasure of submissive delivery.

For the submissive, the Protocol is the way to follow in order to carry out the behavior.
expected by her Dominant, in order to provide him with well-being and pleasure
due and as a source for obtaining their own pleasure. The Protocol helps
to penetrate the appropriate environment of submission, focusing on the tasks that
must comply, setting aside those other factors that could condition the
effective performance of these tasks.

5. Diversity in the Protocol

In the first part, we have been unpacking the preceding ideas, the mistakes of
appreciation that is often made, and finally its qualities, we have
has been giving clues about the real scope of the Protocols or set of rules and
written and unwritten rules of behavior in BDSM. Now it is the
moment to fix them in more detail.

5.1. The Language of Symbols

A series of visible symbols support the best tradition of BDSM in the

Protocol, of which I highlight:

The triskel(articleEl emblema del BDSM: el Triskelas an emblem

from BDSM (Emblem Project) and the flag (Leather Pride Flag) that
we located in many spaces to identify that congregate to the
BDSM Community. In a recent trip to Brussels, where flags
from every country and sign rise from the buildings in the city center,
I stopped to contemplate the dozens of Leather Pride Flags that
they wandered in their streets.
 The black, a color universally used as a form of dress that
identify the Community and commonly accepted as a requirement of
participation and relationship with others.
The Leather, and subsequently latex as preferred fabrics and with a
high fetish component along with its accessories of boots and
high heels, wide belts, and chains.
The Collar, a universally used symbol to describe a bond
of Domination - submission, the unmistakable sign of belonging to a
Dominant, in its variants of training and discipline collar or
walking collar (you can read the article)Types of collars).
The anillo, alegoría del anillo descrito en Historia de O, otra variante de
sign of belonging.
The BDSM practice lists, playlist, as a first step - norm for
proceed to the communication and establishment of affinities,
possible practices and limits within BDSM between two practitioners
different role.
The contrato, temporal o indefinido, manifestación escrita de los
purposes and the scope of a Master's power over his submissive.
The ceremonies and rituals, the most widespread are those of Initiation, of the
Roses (or consecration of a bond) and that of Tea (inspired by the
Geisha world). In addition to these, there are also those others that each
BDSM organization or group of friends decide to put into practice.
● Los colored scarves, accessory used in environments
homosexuals as a predominant form of identification in a
dominant or submissive tendency and to what degree of involvement or
commitment to a relationship maintains its bond. Its origin began in the
West Coast of the United States and then traveled all over the country and the
south of Canada.

5.2. The Protocol for the Master - submissive bond, the humiliation and
servitude
In this case, we refer to the guidelines (sometimes more than guidelines, they are rules
inviolable) to follow and conduct rules that exclusively affect a
relación Amo – sumisa. Estas, por lo general, son las instrucciones precisas que el
The master agrees with his submissive that they affect:

● Al mutual knowledge, the limits and limitations stemming from work

about a list of practices.
Since the name of the submissive to the way of addressing and using the
["You","Master","Lord","Owner","etc."]

Speak, gaze and body positions (you can consult the articles (
About postures, gestures, looks, and moreySubmissive postures).
Usage of time, of spaces and of furniture.
Forms of servitude, including sexual.
Celebration of rituals and ceremonies.
Clothing and nudity.
Relationships from the submissive with other people in BDSM.
Advertising or not of the existence of the bond.
Degree of the concreation or linkage of the relationship, temporary or
indefinite, partial or with a tendency towards a Complete Delegation of Power
Total Power Exchange

In the process of learning submission, humiliation, and servitude

requires a series of guidelines and instructions from the Master (as many as possible
possible according to their objectives, and the more described the better) that help the submissive
to fulfill his mission. When the Master plans scenes of humiliation, he relies on
his own fantasies and those of his submissive will play his role and act with
authority and creativity, and demands strict obedience, compliance from the submissive, and
Submission. It is here where the Protocol demonstrates its benefits.

Through humiliation, the submissive submits to the will of her Master. It forces her to
to realize how deep this decision is and that obeying is not always
It will be pleasant and easy. It will psychologically affect the submissive in positive aspects.

in some cases, and perhaps in most in a negative way, hence the

the importance of the Master knowing his submissive very well and employing with utmost
caution the humiliation. The Master is always responsible for the somatic care of
the submissive, on her growth in the relationship and in the development of the submissive.

Humiliation is associated with these practices: Worship, animalism, aspect

physical, ceremonies, punishments, Master-slave communication, control of decisions,
pain, exhibitionism, way of speaking and looking, way of dressing, mortification, object
body positions, rituals, age role, gender role, functional servitude
sexual servitude (homo, hetero, and bisexual) and supplication.

Additionally and in detail, the Master who plans through a

Detailed Protocol the humiliation scenes can benefit from:

Facilitate to the submissive who assumes their role, to enter into submission and feel
really subjected.
Enhance humility in the behavior of the submissive, accepting that the
humiliation is a power that her Master exerts so that she obeys and
satisfy you. The dimension and scope of this humble behavior
it is restricted to the universe of its Master and only in this space is
where it should be manifested.
Modification from the behavior of the submissive. Humiliation is employed
to break with each one's patterns and conventions.

5.3. The Internet Protocol

During the early years of the Internet, the Protocol or rules of behavior
they served to recognize who was a practitioner – interested in BDSM and who was not
unfortunate curious. In the last five years and the incorporation of thousands of
new users, that recognition capability is not possible (some
sarcastics say it's a matter of repeating four simple rules). At the same time that
they have generalized and proliferated the virtual spaces where it is supposedly
agrupan los practicantes de BDSM (donde cada vez que se habla es más de todo lo
insubstantial regarding BDSM). So, despite the existence of access rules and
behavior, the administrators - moderators of these spaces seem more
vigilantes - police pursuing those who violate these rules, especially if
are the most essential. With which the Protocol tends to dilute and in many cases
to disappear to remain relegated to private contacts.

So far, the Protocol for BDSM spaces on the Internet includes

habitually

The respect for the other as an essential form of communication. A norm

basic that persists although unfortunately it is also transgressed.
Forms to identify the participants' nicknames or nicks, according to
be their roles.
Forms of speech, conversation, and treatment between the
participantes, según sean sus roles.
Forms to organize activities inside and outside the virtual space
(commonly known as meetups), as well as the debates and
treatment of knowledge and information about BDSM.
Forms to resolve the conflicts that may arise between
participants. Lately I have the impression that it has also been
lost in place of the webmaster-judge and party.
Forms to contribute to the economic and informational support of
virtual space.

5.4. The Protocol in BDSM Organizations and Venues

Earlier we mentioned that in these it becomes necessary to publish rules.
basics and Protocol. There are references in the article ofBDSM Notebooks No. 3,
titled "BDSM Social". These rules that have in common:

Shapes access to organizations, right of admission and

preservation of the identity of the attendees.
Forms of organization and administration.
Forms in the development of performance activities and BDSM sessions
group activities.
Usage of the permitted facilities and practices.
Forms moderation of discussion groups and integration of new ones
members.
Forms of intervention in case of conflicts.

Under the name of Code of Conduct theSociety of Janusestablish 10

rules for its members, whose maxim is not to disturb the game of others. In
change, theClub Rosas5has opted for the designation of Internal Regime and
expand to 15 the rules that must be respected.

Some organizations develop their protocols inspired by literature and the

fantasy, like Roissy and Samois (inspired by The Story of O), and the Goreans
(inspired by the novel by John Norman) among others.

5.5. The Protocol between Dominants

I recently participated in a forum where I expressed my views.
about this form of Protocol. Although it generates a lot of rejection from others
Dominants, I will elaborate more on explaining it.

Respect: To your person, your limits, and your private life. Respect to
your anonymity (including the nickname) unless prior consent is given.
Discretion: Private conversations do not have to be
revealed. Before an invitation, one must know who the
remaining guests. Consideration:
If It is not known nor are there references, stratified as Dominant.
a deal of equality, without doubting their condition except for a
behavior that has manifested the opposite, yet still has the
right to privately present the reasons for which you have
has ceased to have such consideration.
Recognition: To your belonging in the BDSM Community, to your
experience in BDSM and to its Mastery.
·Host Preference: In their home and in their community. To be
considered Master of Masters and/or Master of Ceremonies where it is
recognized for his experience and mastery. To be the first in the use and
Enjoy the SM game where he is the host. In the presence of submissives,
acting in role, will have preference over them.
●Inviolability: Your property is yours and is inviolable. In order to do so
to use it, I must have your proper authorization. The presence of
a collar (still in testing period) is enough to ensure that
his property is inviolable.
Interest: And preferential attention to what he says or does due to his condition.

Dominant.
●Vision: You have the right to have a different vision, even
completely different from the practice of BDSM, without having to
being prejudged or criticized on my part, always in safety,
sound judgment and consensus.
Reciprocity: To agree on reciprocal forms of Protocol.
5.6. The Protocol among submissives

The most used Protocol contemplates the sisterhood among submissives and slaves.
as a form of understanding, appreciation, and mutual support. On other occasions, this
Protocol becomes stricter when necessary for the scene or practice.
of domination - submission that is intended to be carried out.

Some submissives engage in activities aimed at information - guidance and

accompaniment of others who are just starting out. In these cases, it is specified the
task distribution, a certain hierarchy based on experience and scope
responsibility for that task without detracting from the actions and decisions that
I can take the Dominant.

5.7. The Protocol in Security

The practice of BDSM involves taking equal risks between Dominants and
submissive, in the same way as reducing them and increasing security conditions.
it is the responsibility of both roles based on the knowledge of the practices, the
experience and the way to act in case of injuries.

We often forget the convenience of having the guidelines available to follow.

to enhance the security of our practices. Here are some examples:

The use of the safety word during the development of a session

BDSM (you can consult the articlesThe word of safetyyFor
That a Dom should not trust the word of safety.).
Instrumental and first aid medical attention.
 The knowledge of safety in BondageThe security in the
Bondage).
The knowledge of safety in spanking and whippingSecurity
in the Spanking).
The knowledge of Aftercare or Post Session care.

5.8. The Protocol for Resolving Conflicts within BDSM

This issue continues to concern many BDSM communities, communities

formal (legal) or informal (friends who come together to celebrate and play). These
these are the solutions they propose:

The existence of the Master of Masters, which in BDSM venues

is usually the owner of the establishment, (has the right of admission and of
expulsion, he is responsible for the dungeon and he decides who, how and
how much it plays). In the Communities, the Master of Masters is
temporarily appointed and is responsible for coordinating the development of the
activities or sessions. At a private residence, it coincides with the host,
unless I recognize someone among the Dominants with more credit,
expertise or experience that he has and delegate that task.
The existence of the Slave of slaves, others call it Slave Guardian,
other Slave Guide; performs the same function as the previously
described.

When it comes to applying discipline to a Dominant's misbehavior

is where major discussions arise. In common cases, it is determined
cuatro situaciones: Aviso, Amonestación, Exclusión, Denuncia:
Notice: You must stop the session development at that moment and it is
guided or led until it is deemed concluded. Secluded from
scenario, accompanied and isolated in feedback is analyzed the
observed behavior and how to redirect it. This fact is not
considered as punishable, on the contrary, it is considered very safe and is
habitual: a meal that causes discomfort; a drink with effect
unwanted; a subspace with untimely reactions; to pass
unnoticed a safeword; or simply an intruder who
dedicates to taking pictures of a scene without permission... or the one who starts to
talking on the mobile phone at the most inappropriate time. If the warning
he is recognized, returns to the stage. If he does not recognize the notice, he is invited
to leave the place.
Warning: It is in the previous cases that the notice is not recognized and
he/she persists in inappropriate behavior and does not follow the instruction
to leave the place of the Master of Masters. One arrives one day or
two days after the incident occurred, offering different
options based on the cause: Temporary withdrawal from meetings;
Practice with a Master Guide or Tutor; or a time with a participation -
passive, attends but does not play actively. In any case, the
a reprimand is a subsequent dialogue, understanding and seeking the
consent. It is a right of the admonished to be heard and to act in
I provide evidence, submitting as many considerations or witnesses as I deem necessary.
timely. The content of your reprimand is being reexamined,
its withdrawal or its ratification.
●Exclusion: The most drastic measure that is taken in the communities.

BDSM at an internal level. If the admonished does not agree with

to redirect his behavior and practice, we proceed to inform you
what is excluded from the meetings that the group may have or
Community. Just like the admonition, there exists with the excluded a
meeting and a dialogue.
Denunciation: It is understood as the legitimate right of any
citizen to resort to the protection of his personal and legal safeguard. In
BDSM is a personal and intransferable right of each individual.
Person, it is never denied, each practitioner is free to exercise it.
 always, always and regardless of the BDSM Community
whether the previously explained preliminary steps have started or not.

6. A final note

The debate remains open, a Protocol must be under constant review so that
be useful, and this article will not fully satisfy the multiple tastes and
appreciations from the BDSM family. But at least they are exposed, with some
order, the main references on what the Protocol is and what it is like in BDSM.