Step “0” Guide

Program Review
In our readings and by sharing our problem at meetings, we see that our basic troubles are the same as
everyone else’s. We share a common problem – the obsession of lust, usually combined with a compulsive
demand for sex in some form. Whatever the details of our problem were, we identified with one another on
the inside – we were dying spiritually – dying of guilt, fear and loneliness as we came to see that we shared a
common problem.
Our definition of sobriety represents, for us, the basic and necessary condition for lasting freedom from the
pain that brought us to Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). We have found that nothing else works. When we
have tried to deny what our common experience has taught us, we have found that recovery still eludes us.
And this seems to be true whether we are male or female; married or single; whether our acting out was with
the same or opposite sex; whether our relationships were “committed”, “meaningful” or one night stands; or
whether we just resorted to a little sex with self as a “physical outlet”. As the men and women of Alcoholics
Anonymous learned over fifty years ago, “half measures availed us nothing”. What we have seen and heard
so much about is a “happy and joyous freedom” from a state of hopelessness. We have developed the
following questions to help guide and direct our thinking, and discussions with this group and/or another
member of this fellowship. The purpose of the questions are to:
1. To help build a foundation for our current support/recovery program.
2. To help stimulate thought on what are our personal goals and commitments to recovery are.
3. To provide a short checklist for future review in evaluating our spiritual development; and the
minimum requirements for maintenance guideline.
We are now taking responsibility for our own recovery by working the steps.
THE PROCESS IS TO BE ENJOYED
QUESTIONS FOR WRITING
1. What goals/results do I want from this program?
2. To what lengths am I willing to go for my sobriety?
3. When I was active in my disease, how many times did I act out per day? Week?
4. Have I discarded all of the materials and other triggers under my control? This includes, but is
not limited to telephone numbers and keys.
5. Am I still feeding my lust addiction through the eyes, fantasy and/or by reliving the memories of
my past adventures so,
a. How much time do I spend engaging in these activities?
b. When I do surrender, what method do I use? (white knuckle, telephone call, meeting, God)
c. How much time elapses between engagement to surrender?
d. Do I even want victory over lust?
6. When I do surrender, or surrender does me, and I can see that I can no longer enjoy lust, what
happens to me?

a. Anger b. Resentment c. Fear d. Anxiety e. Sadness

f. Fidgety g. Depression h. Feeling of loss i. Emptiness

Step 0 Guide Page 2 of 4

Am I starting to see a little bit that the above feelings drive me to my drug for escape, whereas surrender
brings release and joy as we come back into the light. We start to understand that we do not have to die in
darkness and despair when we achieve surrender over lust.
7. Have I come to believe that I can give up lust? Am I willing not to have it even if I do die (one
day at a time) one hour at a time?
8. Am I still allowing myself partial slips, enjoying the temporary relief that slips bring? Am I still
“testing my limits” so..
a. When was the last time?
b. What did I do?
c. How often am I testing my limits?
d. Have I shared my partial slips with another member of SA?
e. Have I shared my partial slips with my home group?
f. Am I cruising the “old neighborhoods”?
g. Do I think I can stop _______?
9. How many support meetings am I attending each week?
a. Which one is my home group?
b. Do I share on a regular basis?
Am I current and honest in my sharing?
c. Do I welcome the newcomer?
d. Do I have a specific commitment at my home group or at another SA group meeting
(refreshment provider, chip master, set up or clean up)?
e. Am I on time to the meetings?
f. Do I fellowship after the meetings?
g. Do I make myself available for service by leading or reading?
10. What types of meetings do I now attend?
a. Participation
b. Book Study
c. Step Study
d. Speaker
11. How many telephone numbers have I personally solicited from another group members?
a. Are the numbers readily accessible for me to use?
b. How many calls do I make each day/week?
c. When was the last time I called a newcomer?
d. Do I know I can call just to say “I’m doing well and how are you feeling?” I do not have to
be in a bag of ____or sitting and playing in it to call some.
Step 0 Guide Page 3 of 4

12. Do I have a sponsor (temporary or permanent)?

a. When do I plan on having a permanent sponsor?
b. Am I afraid to call a sponsor?
c. What am I fearful of?
d. When I do call, what is the focus of my conversation?
i. People, places and/or things?
ii. Lust in my life and this is how I am surrendering or not surrendering?
e. Am I willing to make a commitment to call my sponsor 1, 2, 3, 4 times a week …. Or how
about a 30 commitment; once a day for a month?
f. Do I know what days and times my sponsor is normally available?
g. Do I know who my grandsponsor is and how and when to contact him for men or her for
women?
13. Do I read approved SA literature between meetings?
a. How often do I read?
i. Once a day
ii. Twice a day
iii. Once a week
iv. Never
b. What am I reading?
i. White book
ii. Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
iii. 12 Steps and 12 Traditions
iv. As Bill Sees It
v. Daily meditation book
vi. Other appropriate recovery/inspirational literature
c. Do I know where any of the above books are? If so, how much dust is on them?
d. Do I read the black print or do I try to read between the lines?
e. Have I discussed the above with my sponsor?
14. Do I have a special time set aside to write/work on the 12 steps each week?
15. Am I willing to do the things that have worked for others? Am I teachable, open and willing?
16. If I wasn’t married or in a committed relationship would I still be here? Am I seeking recovery,
recuperation or convenience?
17. Am I willing to make a commitment to the group and be held accountable?
Step 0 Guide Page 4 of 4

REMEMBER
A. We are not saints. We are willing to grow along spiritual lines
B. We have found that the measure of our commitments will be the measure of our recovery. We
reap what we sow.
C. Experience has shown us that we must be part of others.
D. We can look forward to the time when the obsession – not temptation – will be gone.
E. We hope that you will find that inner peace that comes from surrender, and GOD

I hear, I forget
I see, I remember
I do, I understand
 First Step Guide
“We admitted that we were powerless over lust – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, adapted by Sexaholics Anonymous, are the greatest force yet found
in battling addictions of any kind. They are a path to sobriety that can bring relief to me, this suffering addict, like
nothing else can.
I am a sexaholic and my life is unmanageable. The purpose of Step One is for me to become crystal clear, beyond
the shadow of a doubt, that I am really a sexaholic who is powerless over lust and that my life is really
unmanageable. If I become uncertain at any future time, or start to think I am cured or fully recovered, or that I no
longer need the program, then I need to get out my First Step, see what I wrote, and re-convince myself.
Step One consists of two distinct parts: 1.) the admission that we have a mental obsession to lust uncontrollably
and that this could lead us to the brink of death or insanity, and 2) the admission that our lives have been, are no,
and will remain unmanageable by us alone.
The first half of the first step – we admitted we were powerless over lust – is the beginning of the SA program
which we strive to perfect on a daily basis. Since lust is but a symptom of our disease, we must realize that the
thinking mind with its acquired traits, habits, and character defects allowed itself to develop this obsession of the
mind – to lust. “By going back over our drinking (sexual) histories, we could show that years before we realized
it, we were out of control, that our drinking or acting out was no mere habit that it was indeed the beginning of a
fatal progression” (Twelve & Twelve)
This idea of personal powerlessness goes against what our thinking mind is telling us. Only through utter defeat
(having hit our own bottom) are we then able to take the first step toward liberation and strength. This utter defeat
is necessary so we can become convinced, beyond any doubt, that we are powerless and our life is unmanageable
by us alone. Until we so humble ourselves (accept the devastating weakness and all its consequences), our
sobriety – if any – will be precarious.
The fact that our lives were unmanageable is apparent, or else why would we be involved in SA? However, it is
not readily apparent to most of us that, even now, our lives are still unmanageable by us alone. This fact must be
driven home. This realization that we cannot manage our own lives forms the basis for taking each of the Twelve
Steps of SA in sequence.
In the process of accepting our powerlessness and unmanageability, we must be willing to put aside false pride, the
pride which nearly killed us. Although the doing of Step One can be painful to the thinking mind, the road to
recover begins with surrender.
The facts of your life are just that – facts. It is not the purpose of this Step to judge where you have been right or
wrong. Therefore, the purpose of writing the First Step is to admit to yourself honestly that you are powerless and
your life is unmanageable by your thinking alone.
The following questions are suggested as a guide in working this Step. Most of the work is in thinking about the
answers, dredging up the pertinent recollections, and making notes, so that I can write it out. This Step should
contain enough details to convince me. Sometimes it is healing for me to reveal these secret instances to someone
who has achieved a period of sobriety and who can support me and guide me in my sharing with the group.
First Step Written Guide
1. I am a Sexaholic. In this section I do a sexual inventory. This means I write down all the things I have
done sexually that I wish I hadn’t. I may organize it any way I wish, from my earliest remembrances to the
most recent, or by subject, or in whatever order comes to mind. I put down all the details I need to put
down in private. I explore how I feel about each of them now. Some questions for reflection are:
a. What is my earliest recollection of sex? Was there anything unusual about it?
b. Did I have any unusual pre-puberty experiences with sexual curiosity?
c. At the outset of puberty, did I discover masturbation? Did it become compulsive and frequent? If
so, has that practice continued?
d. What about pornography? At what age, if any, did I start reading or viewing such materials? Has
that practice continued?
e. What about visualization and fantasy? Have I spent much time in this practice?
f. What about relations with women (men)? Have I used them for self-gratification: If so, how
exactly have I used them? How compulsively?

Am I aware of feelings I might have been trying to cover up by masking them with sexual high? What were my
payoffs for these actions?
2. My life is unmanageable –I am powerless over lust. In this section I recognize my powerlessness and
how my life has become unmanageable from my sexaholism, how I have tried to control lust but have been
unsuccessful, and now my life is out of control. Some questions to guide my reflections are:
a. What has it cost me to obsess sexually? A spouse(s)? A family? A girlfriend or boyfriend? A job?
A promotion? Money? Reputation?
b. What have I done that I didn’t want to do? Whom have I associated with that I wouldn’t have
associated with? Where have I gone that I never would have gone? Is something other than me
running my life?
c. How has my illness affected my home life? My spouse? My children?
d. How has my illness affected my work? My employment? My career?
e. How has my illness affected my finances? Have I lost income over it? Incurred significant costs?
f. How has my illness affected me legally? Have I been arrested? Could I have been arrested for
what I have done? Could I have been sued?
g. How many times have I tried unsuccessfully to quit? What promises did I make myself? Did I
keep them? What happened when I failed?
h. What finally brought me to SA? What were the final incidents?

(Note: Try not to dwell on whose fault it is. So your parents didn’t raise you right. Neither did their parents. We
got like we are as a part of the human process.)
The only real essential of Step One is stated on the first page of Alcoholics Anonymous: “WE learned that we had
to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics.” No book, no guide, no other person or group, no
God is necessary, just the addict admitting to his innermost self that he is out of control and helpless and that lust is
ruining his life. But the rest of these may help him reach that point.
 Second Step Guide
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
In Step One we first made the admission that we were, are now, and will remain powerless over lust, which implies
in no uncertain terms that we have an obsession to lust and an allergy of the body that leads either to death or
insanity. Secondly and more importantly, we came to recognize that our lives have been, are now, and will remain
unmanageable by us alone. This conviction that we are sexaholics and that our lives are unmanageable by us alone
leads us naturally into Step Two.
Once again, Step Two can be viewed as having two aspects. The first aspect concerns the beginning of our
spiritual development, which is the foundation of the SA program. Since we recognized that our lives have been,
are now, and will remain unmanageable by us alone (having completed a thorough Step One, we must now come
to grips with the fact that we need a new Manager, as the old one (the thinking mind with its acquired character
defects) led us into the depths of deep despair, self-centeredness, loneliness, and an apartness from our True Self.
We found that the thinking mind could not solve our problems. Thus, the conclusion that we must start to find a
new Manager of our life (a Power greater than ourselves) is paramount if we want to become happy, positive, and
loving as we are meant to be.
We have to believe – that a Power exists which is greater than ourselves – and this belief is absolutely necessary if
we are honestly to complete the remaining ten Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous. At this point all you really need is
a truly open mind. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)
Thus, Step Two can become the spring board on which we can begin the journey toward spiritual awakening.
Remember, all that is needed is willingness, open-mindedness and rigorous honesty.
The second aspect of Step Two concerns sanity. “Sanity” involves living sanely. Since this step is about the
restoration of our sanity, how can this occur? We may not relate with “soundness of mind,” but we surely can
identify with insanity as being unsoundness of mind (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions). The True Self is sane,
whereas the false self (the thinker with its acquired character defects) has not usually been an example of sane
living. The problem facing us then is how can we regain the sanity which is the True Self? By eliminating the
acquired insane ways of living, we are left with the True Self and its sanity.
“Sanity” is defined as “soundness of mind” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Tradition, p 33). What we are concerned
with now is becoming aware of the old patterns of insane thinking (the reactions towards people, places, and things
that have caused havoc in our lives). We often say insanity is repeating the same destructive behaviors but
somehow expecting better or different results!
Step Two, properly approached, worked, and lived, will start the beginning of the end of our old life, and the
beginning of our emergence into a new life (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions).
Many sexaholics face a blank wall when they come to Step Two. There may be as many different concepts of God
as there are addicts trying to answer the question. The following arbitrary categories may be helpful:
1. Atheists – “There is not a God.”
2. Agnostics – “I don’t know whether there is a God or not, so I can’t be sure what God is like if there is one.”
3. Deists – “I believe there must be someone or something which created this universe and originally got this
world started, but I don’t think that Creator takes any personal interest in anything happening in human
affairs currently.”
4. Rebels or the Disillusioned – “I believe that there is a God, that God created this world and every detail of
it, but I am angry at that God for the way thing have gone wrong and do not want any part of that God.”
5. Baffled Believers, Type A – “I believe in a personal God who created and controls this world, who loves
me, but my love for God seems imperfect, since I cannot shake this addiction even when I pray asking God
to remove it from me. What’s wrong with me when I pray?”
 6. Baffled Believers, Type B – “I believe in a personal God who created this world and who loves me. This
God expects us pretty much to solve our own problems, and therefore does not miraculously intervene to
change things such as my addiction. I seem to be left on my own, and I am incapable of healing myself of
this disease.
Now, there must be some fortunate individuals whose faith is sufficient in itself to solve their potential addiction,
and they have no problem with sex. We do not include them in the list above, since they would not need to be in
our group, unless God sent them to help the rest of us!
It may be helpful to decide which of these categories you fall into, even if just to satisfy your curiosity. All of us,
however, need help from some power outside of ourselves and greater than we are, to help us overcome our
addiction. The promise of Step Two is that such a power exists and will help us back to sanity. In Twelve Step
literature, this is called “God as we know Him,” or simply “Higher Power,” and is to be taken to mean only what
the individual understands God to be. Don’t be turned off by the fact most writers mean a personal God, and in
America they usually mean a Judeo-Christian God. They are simply writing from their own experience. Others
depart from this institutionalized religion and for lack of anything better provisionally assume the Group itself can
function as their Higher Power.
The purpose of writing this Second Step is to help us become aware of the acquired destructive thinking that has
wrecked our lives. Go through the following examples and be as honest and specific as you are able at this time.
Give specific examples and situations from you own life. You are after the destructive, acquired character defects.

QUESTIONS FOR WRITING

SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY
1. Describe your understanding of your Higher Power?
2. Describe your earliest spiritual experience. What was it like?
3. Who in your early life reminds you of your Higher Power?
4. If you were God, how would you change your world and what would you do with a person such as
yourself?
5. What requisite qualities do you think an adequate Higher Power should have? How is that different from
what qualities your Higher Power does have?
6. Where did you get your notions, beliefs, and concepts about God? Who or what taught you about God in
the first place?
7. What does sanity mean to you? How would you like to be different?
8. List any angers and resentments you have against God.
9. If you had an audience with God, what would you ask God?

RESTORATION TOWARDS SANITY

1. Do you have fears in your life today/ (fear of people, emotional insecurity, sexual insecurity, financial
insecurity). List these fears.
2. Can you recognize self-centeredness in your life? If so give examples.
3. Do you believe “The main problem of the alcoholic (sexaholic) centers in his mind, rather than his body?”
(AA Big Book, p 23) Why or why not?
4. What are the areas of your life over which you feel you have little or no control (family, job, SA, spiritual
or emotional)? Why do you fell you have little or no control over these areas?
 Third Step Guide
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.”
In the preceding steps we were engaged in reflection. In Step One, we saw that we were, are now, and remain
powerless over lust. Also, in Step One we came to recognize that our lives have been, are now, and will remain
unmanageable by us alone. Step Two made us aware that we could be restored to sanity by a Power greater than
ourselves if we rightly relate ourselves to this Power. These conclusions did not require action; they required only
acceptance. At this point, we should have accepted the unmanageability and the insanity of our lives.
The first requirement in doing step Three is that we become convinced that any life run on self-will cannot be a
success. Obviously, the first two steps show, in no uncertain terms, the confusion caused by using will (self-will is
a part of the acquired false self). Self-will includes selfishness – self-centeredness. This self-centeredness is the
root of our troubles. So our troubles are basically our own making. We must, or it kills us. We found that we
could not reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or relying on our own power. Thus, we had to quit
playing God. It will not work.
Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which always
blocked the entry of God into our lives. The key that will allow God to enter our lives once again is willingness.
The thinking mind and its self-will may block the entry of God into our lives once again, and frequently does.
However, the key of willingness will open the door.
The thinking mind, using instinct and logic to bolster our egotism, would have us believe that, if we turn our will
and life over to the care of God, we become nothing. We lose something that appears to be important to us. The
truth is, the more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are!
Therefore, dependence, as SA practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of spirit.
Step Three asks us to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.
This decision can only be made by us. All by our selves, being convinced that self-will has ruined our lives, we
need to develop the quality of willingness. By becoming willing, we can make the decision to exert ourselves.
Doing this is an act of our own will. Remember, all of the steps require our sustained personal, and intentional
cooperation to conform to their principles and to God’s will.
The effectiveness of the whole SA program will rest upon how well and earnestly we try to come to a decision to
“turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him”. The other steps of the SA program can
be practiced with success only when Step Three is given determined and persistent effort. Thus, we try to make
our will conform with God’s so that we can begin to use it rightly.
Once we are convinced we have no choice but to turn our lives over to God, then it is easy to begin the practice of
Step Three. In time of confusion, we pause quietly and say: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine be
done.”
 QUESTIONS FOR WRITING
The purpose of writing the third step is to help us “make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of
God as we understand Him”. Go through the following examples and be as honest and specific as you are able at
this time. Give specific examples and situations from you own life.
YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING A DECISION.
1. In what ways are you aware that the problems in your life are a result of the acquired thinking of your
mind?
2. In what ways does Step Three call for action on your part?
3. How have you blocked God from you life? Give examples.
4. Explain your understanding of God at this point in the program.
5. What do you think self-will is? List some of the ways it has caused havoc in your life.
6. “Dependence on God is really a means of gaining true independence.” What does this mean to you?
7. How did Steps One and Two prepare you for Step Three?
8. Do you feel you are now truly willing to turn your will and life over to the care of God as you understand
Him? Explain

HERE IS THE THIRD STEP PRAYER. Rephrase it in your own words and ask another person to hear you pray
it.
“God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy willl. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I
would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen” (Alcoholics
Anonymous, p 63)
 Fourth Step Guide
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
In the previous three Steps we have guilt for ourselves a beginning foundation in this Program of recovery. In Step
One, we admitted we were powerless over lust and recognized that our lives have been, are now, and will remain
unmanageable by us alone. Step Two made us aware that we could be restored to sanity by a Higher Power (God
as we understood Him) if we rightly relate ourselves to that Higher Power. The Third Step convinced us that we
have no choice but to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.
At this point, we should be convinced that our handling of our past has led to frustration, broken relationships,
anger toward ourselves and other people and resentments. Since lust is but a symptom, we now have to get down
to the causes and condition of why self-centeredness, in all its various destructive forms, has been the root of our
troubles. Thus, we are face-to-face with the Fourth Step.
The Fourth Step allows us to uncover and discover the acquired character defects which are a part of the false self.
These defects are NOT a part of the real you (the True Inner Self). The false self (the phony you) has picked them
up from other people, institutions and society in general. Usually it is not important that you become aware of the
fact – that these defects of character are acquired. Only when you detach yourself from these acquired character
defects can you start to uncover and discover, in a fearless manner, these acquired character defects that have
controlled you in the past.
These acquired character defects are misdirected instincts. These instincts often far exceed their proper functions.
Our excessive desires for sex, material and emotional security, and for an important place in society, desires which
by their very nature can never be fulfilled, cause us practically all the trouble there is.
Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instincts. Whenever we become a
battle ground for the instincts, there can be no peace. Every time we impose our instincts unreasonably upon
others, unhappiness follows. These defects lock us into those around us. So, in order for us to live happy lives, we
must uncover and discover these acquired defects of character.
At this point, we should have arrived at the following conclusions: the acquired character defects have been the
primary cause of our lusting and our failure at life; we must now be willing to work hard at the elimination of the
worst of these defects or both sobriety and peace of mind will elude us; and that all the faulty foundation of our life
will have to be torn out and built anew on bedrock.
Since the Fourth Step is but the beginning of a lifetime practice, we should first have a look at those personal flaws
which are acutely troublesome and fairly obvious. Using our judgment, we make a rough survey of our conduct
with respect to our primary instincts for sex, security, and society. With sex, we uncover how the selfish pursuit of
sex damaged other people and ourselves. In the area of security, we question the financial and emotional
insecurities that have led to financial instability, and the personal relationships which bring continuous or recurring
trouble. In terms of society, we insisted upon either dominating the people we knew or depended upon them far
too much.
Thoroughness ought to be the watchword when taking our inventory. The object is to search out the flaws in the
false self which caused our failure. Being convinced that the false self, manifested in various ways, was what had
defeated us, we will find some of the following acquired character defects in our inventory: self-centeredness,
resentment, anger, prejudice, conceit, greed, lust, indifference, phoniness, fear, pride, financial insecurity,
dependence, domination, emotional insecurity, dishonest, procrastination, perfectionism, impatience and others
that might apply.
These acquired character defects (misdirected instincts) will balk at our uncovering and discovering them. The
minute we make a serious attempt to prove them, we are liable to suffer severe reactions. The thinking mind may
come up with some of the following false thoughts: any serious defects have been caused chiefly by our lusting,
our problems have been caused by the behavior of other people, the defects are us, justifying the need for defects
in order to continue living, and a half-hearted inventory is OK. In order for us to combat these false thoughts, we
must know that the character defects are indeed acquired and are NOT a part of the True Self.
In summary, the Fourth Step asks us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We are
seeking to uncover the hidden acquired defects of character that are part of the false self. After we have found
them, then we discover how, when, and in just what instances these defects controlled our lives. This inventory is
of ourselves, not other people. We o=uncover and discover our faults by listing them. We place them before us in
black and white. We must have courage to honestly do this. Faith can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
The purpose of writing the Fourth Step is to make us aware of the acquired character defects. As we list and
analyze these defects, we will begin to comprehend their futility. The written inventory will be used as a basis in
Steps Five through Nine.
Go through the following examples and be honest and as specific as you are able to at this time. This is your
inventory. You are about to uncover and discover the acquired character defects, so do it in a thorough and
fearless manner. Your very life may depend on the thoroughness of this Step.

Questions for Writing

Under each question, attempt to start with the specific things you have done or said. List as many things under
each question as will help you to convince yourself that you have acquired this defect. The answers to these
questions are to be brief.
For example – With whom am I angry?
My wife – she doesn’t do the things I want her to do.
My boss – he is not paying me enough
Joe – a friend to whom I loaned money, and he didn’t pay me back.
You may wish to choose one of these categories to begin a Fourth Step Inventory.
Anger, Resentment, Prejudice
With whom am I angry? Do I blame others for the trouble I made for myself? Whom do I wish to hurt because I
feel they have hurt me? Have I contempt for anyone? Whom?
Self-Centeredness
Do I act as though the world revolved around my welfare and desires? How? If I am a parent, do I use my family
to suit my needs and desires? How? Do I insist on doing things I like to do, or am I willing to do the things others
enjoy?
Do I do anything with my family or others to keep myself in the limelight? If others don’t give me special
attention in a group, do I feel snubbed?
Conceit
Do I insist on things being done my way? Do I think I am “expert?” In what areas? Do I think I can manage most
things better than those in charge? Am I consistently critical of the boss? The police? Other authorities? Am I
impatient with others who do not meet my standards?
Greed
Am I really content with the things I have? Am I constantly running after more and better things? Does the good
life mean having more things, more money? Am I honestly concerned with doing something to help those who are
less fortunate than I? Do I give gladly or grudgingly to the work of God and SA?
Fourth Step Prayer
(Paraphrased from Alcoholics Anonymous pp 66-67)
“I realize that those who wronged me were spiritually sick. Though I did not like their symptoms and the way
these disturbed me, they, like me, were sick too. I ask God to help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and
patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a person. How can I be helpful to them? God save me
from being angry. Thy will be done. Amen”
Review of My Resentments
I am The Cause: Affects My: What did I do? Where had I Been:
Resentful Why am I angry, what did they do to me What did I do, if anything, to set in motion Selfish
My injuries: trains of circumstances which in turn caused
at: to cause the anger?
Self-esteem people or institutions to hurt me and
Dishonest
Security eventually led to my resentment of them for Self-seeking and Frightened
People,
institutions or Ambition doing so? Inconsiderate
principles with Personal relationships Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I
whom I am angry did, or causes me to want to hold on to the old
Sex relationships resentment, even though I may have done nothing to
cause it?
Review of My Fears
Who or The Cause: Affects My: What did I do? Where had I Been:
What do I What are they going to do What did I do, if anything, to set Selfish
My injuries: the ball rolling, and set in
Fear: to me? Am I perhaps
Self-esteem motion trains of circumstances,
Dishonest
going to jail? Am I going Self-seeking and Frightened
People, institutions to lose something with Security which have led to my being in
or principles with material value? Am I Ambition the position to have the fear? Inconsiderate
that I fear going to lose face? Will it Personal Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I did, or caused me to want to
result in divorce? Will it hold on to the old fear, even though I may have done nothing to cause it?
destroy a personal
relationships
relationship? Might I lose Sex relationships
my job, etc?
Review of My Own Sex Conduct
Who did I What did I do? Affects My: What did I do? Where had I been:
Hurt? Which part of my self caused Did I unjustifiably arouse Selfish
jealousy, suspicion, or
me to do what I did?
bitterness? What should I have
Dishonest
Was it caused by the: Self-seeking and Frightened
done instead?
Social instinct, Inconsiderate
Security instinct, Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I do to harm another?
Sex instinct
Review of Harms Other Than Sexual
Who did I What did I do? Affects My: What did I do? Where had I Been:
Hurt? Which part of my self caused Did I arouse jealousy, suspicion, Selfish
or bitterness, anger, desire to
me to do what I did?
retaliate, fear, etc? What should
Dishonest
Was it caused by the: Self-seeking and Frightened
I have done instead?
Social instinct, Inconsiderate
Security instinct, Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I do to harm another?
Sex instinct
 Fifth Step Guide
“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
In Step Four we made a searching and fearless and moral inventory of the acquired character defects. The
inventory from Step Four details the acquired character defects which are of the false self. These defects, when the
false self controls our lives, allow us to act and react in a manner that causes havoc not only to ourselves but also
toward other people, places and things. It is this inventory of the acquired character defects that forms the
foundation for doing Step Five.
Step Five involves the admission of the exact nature of our wrongs. Once again, the wrongs are from false self. In
order to admit these wrongs, we must search in our past. What wrongs are we looking for? We are searching for
the acts that we did when we caused harm toward other people. We include the problems and character defects
which caused or aggravated the reactions toward others. We are after the recognition of our deficiencies. Each
twist of character that has been acquired must be illuminated. Therefore, each wrong, no matter how painful, must
be brought up to the surface and honestly looked at. To the extent that we are searching and fearless in finding the
exact nature of our wrongs, the rest of the S.A. program will be built on this foundation.
The exact nature of our wrongs, when we have fearlessly exposed them, must then be expressed to God, ourselves
and another person. Although we have admitted the exact nature of our wrongs to ourselves and God, the process
of clearing away the wreckage of the past is not complete until we have shared these wrongs with another human
being. It is only when we include another person in the healing process that we are able to become aware of our
own self-delusion. The other person, if carefully chosen, will show us where we have not been totally honest in
our digging out of our wrongs. We must be candid, to the best of our ability, with this person and lay out all our
wrongs that we are aware of.
After completing Step Five, many benefits will be ready for us if we have done a thorough and honest job. Our
ability to remain sober will be increased. Step Five is a part of the footwork that allows the Grace of God to enter
us and expel the acquired destructive obsessions. No longer will we feel that terrible sense of isolation. The
willingness to forgive, not only ourselves but also other people, will be enhanced. This healing tranquility will be
greater awareness of the presence of God within our lives.
The Fifth Step should be written since most of us have many wrongs to uncover. The fact of putting the wrongs in
black and white shows us that they are not as big as we had blown them up to be. Also, we need a reference from
which to tell our story. The written inventory of the Fourth Step with the exact nature of our wrongs will helpus in
making a list of the people we have harmed.
Use the following list to help dig out the exact nature of your wrongs. Remember, you are after the destructive,
acquired character defects.

WRITING EXERCISE – STEP FIVE

UNCOVERING THE EXACT NATURE OF OUR WRONGS
Use the following areas as a guide to help you job the memory in uncovering the exact nature of your wrongs. In
each area, list the conflicts, distressing, humiliating or embarrassing memories, and twists of character that you
have kept hidden. When possible, list the persons and your wrongs, and then identify the specific acquired
character defect that caused the problem.
1. Family – parents, brothers and sisters, spouses and children, in-laws, etc.
2. Employment – supervisors and co-workers
3. Organizations – SA, hospitals, schools, churches.
4. Relationships with people – men, women, and children.
5. Distressing and humiliating facts – stealing, lying, physical harm, and sexual acting out.
 Fifth Step Worksheet

Area of Life Person or Event Bad Memory Defect Comments

Family

Job

Organizations

Relationship with
People

Other Distressing
Facts
 Sixth Step Guide
“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
In doing Step Four honestly, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our character defects. Also,
after we completed Step Five, the exact nature of our wrongs were then brought out into the open. Using both the
lists of acquired defects (Step Four) and the recognition of our wrongs (Step Five), we are now able to begin Step
Six.
Step Six consists of two areas. The first area involves a detailed look at the acquired character defects that we are
aware of at this point in the SA program. These defects range from mild (for example, telling only half-truths to
people) to severe (for example, using people and loving things). As we investigate these acquired defects
thoroughly, we will be able to list these defects – ranging from mild to severe. At the very least, we must face up
to the severe defects and take action toward their removal and attempt to control them. These severe defects are
blocks to our uncovering the True Inner Self. They must be dealt with immediately. The milder acquired
character defects may be the ones that we enjoy hanging on to. Again, we must recognize these defects that we are
“comfortable” with.
The second area of Step Six is becoming entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Readiness is the key to this Step. We will need to make a brand new venture into open-mindedness. The acquired
character defects that we are not, as yet, willing to take action on, may be removed as we become willing to ask
God to help us become willing. As we apply Step six to all the acquired character defects, without any
reservations whatever, this process expands the degree of readiness. Once again willingness, open-mindedness and
honesty are absolutely essential to this Step.
At this stage, if we have become aware of the acquired character defects and have the readiness to have God
remove them, the question – will God remove all these defects – comes up. Step Six does not mean that we should
expect all the defects to be removed as was the obsession to lust. A few of the acquired character defects may be,
but with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement.
Once we are aware of the acquired character defects (being a part of our false self), then we must exercise self-
discipline. Our self-discipline, when applied to the process of patient elimination of these defects, will deepen our
awareness that we must ask for God’s help in eliminating them. Only through deeper and deeper awareness of
God within us, can we hope to conform to God’s will.
The purpose of writing this Sixth Step is to help us become aware of the acquired character defects – the ones we
must take action on. Also, this process develops the readiness which is the key for this Step.
Go through the following examples and be as thorough and honest as you are willing to at this time. You are after
the destructive, acquired character defects, both mild and severe.

WRITING EXERCISE – STEP SIX

1. Make a list of all the acquired defects of character that you are aware of at this time. As a starting point,
use the list from Step Four and the exact nature of your wrongs from Step Five. Add to it any new defects
that you have uncovered.
2. What does “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character” mean to you?
3. How am I going to live Step Six on a daily basis?
4. Where do you find the inspiration to have God remove all these defects of character?
5. At this point, identify the assets of your True Inner Self and the liabilities of the acquired self (The True
Inner Self is of God and the false self is the acquired character defects.)
 Seventh Step Guide
“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”
In doing and living Steps One and Two, a degree of humility, no matter how slight, was necessary when we
admitted that we (the acquired false self) were powerless over lust and come to believe that a Power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity (the True Inner Self). In Step Three humility allowed us to turn our will and
our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Without humility as our guide, the uncovering and discovering of the acquired character defects (Step Four), along
with the admission of the exact nature of our wrongs to God, ourselves and another human being (Step Five) could
not have been possible. In Step Six, the readiness to have God remove all these defects of character was once
again in proportion to the degree of humility that we had. At least, through doing and living the first Six Steps, we
have attained some humility in spite of the acquired false self.
In Step Six, we first took a detailed look at the acquired character defects and then proceeded to become ready to
have God remove them. Step Seven is similar in nature. Looking at the exact nature of our wrongs, (which we are
now aware by having done Step Five thoroughly) should make us eager to be rid of our shortcomings, without any
reservations whatever.
The whole emphasis on Step Seven is on humility. This Step allows us to change our attitude which permits us,
with humility, to be instrumental in destroying the acquired false self. Humility is part of the True Inner Self
(God’s image in us) which allows us to move from being self-centered to being self-less. This then produces
harmony with God and with other people. The basic ingredient of all humility is a desire to seek and do God’s
will, and in order for us to be able to do God’s will, we humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Since humility is the basic principle in each of SA’s Twelve Steps, we might ask what is humility? In the past we
may have associated humility with humiliation. Certainly, each of us had experiences with being humiliated.
Also, we may have thought that being humble was a sign of weakness. As we grew in SA’s program we came to
recognize humility as being absolutely necessary to our survival.
Humility or the attainment of greater humility, no matter how little of it we may have now, is simply the growing
awareness that, “Of myself I am nothing, the Father does the works.” Only by a deeper awareness that of myself I
am nothing can we truly, with genuine humility, ask Him to remove our shortcomings.
The “Top Plate” Exercise
In working through Step Seven, Recovery Continues, has this “Top Plate” exercise which has been very helpful to
many SA groups. What is the “sending away of the top plate” exercise? It was first used as a practical way of
working Steps Six and Seven as a group exercise. Think of the spring-loaded plate dispenser in cafeterias and
salad bars, a stack of plates whose weight brings the level of the stack down to about counter level. As the top
plate is picked up, the stack rises, exposing the next plate underneath.
There often seems to be one thought, attitude, or behavior in our lives that’s standing in the way of further recover
or growth – one sticking point in our wills, one thing we’re consciously hanging on to that obstructs, that’s holding
everything else down. Of course, at first, this was our addiction itself. Without picking it up off the stack, so to
speak, and dealing with it, we weren’t about to go anywhere. It covered what was underneath. Once we got sober
though, we could then see and acknowledge the next defect on which we could work the Steps.
Often we discover the next plate to be a particular resentment, dependency, or other form of our drug. Usually
these are merely different manifestations of the ego-force that underlies our addiction – the Big I we have always
faced, it seems, with something too precious to let go of, “self-will which has always blocked the entry of God”
(Twelve and Twelve, Step three, page 34)

“I can’t let it go!” we say. But we are the only one who can – and do. And when we do, the grace and love and
peace of God flood back in and restore us and make us whole and joyous again.
But there must be someone to give them away to. That’s why we may need some such special experience with
each other and the One who has the only remedy for our wrongs, the only one who can bear them. Our experience
seems to be validating the very heart of our Program – Steps Four through Ten – the forsaking and righting of our
wrongs. It seems to be showing us powerfully that whenever we bring out into the light of one another and send
away to God such thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors, we connect in a very powerful way with the larger Presence,
and the light then floods into our souls. We are freed, and we are cleansed. That which was in the way is out of
the way. The peace of God prevails within and fills our hungry souls with goodness. And, we are one with each
other.

WRITING EXERCISE – STEP SEVEN

The purpose of writing the Seventh Step is to help us become aware of the acquired shortcomings, the ones we
must take action on. In doing this, an attainment of a greater degree of humility will come if you are sick and tired
of being controlled by the acquired false self. Only through humility can the True Inner Self start to flow forth.
Go through each of the following examples in as thorough and as honest a manner as you are willing to at this
time. You are after the destructive, acquired false self.
1. What is your definition of the word humility?
2. In what ways have you attained a greater degree of humility through working individual steps in this
Program?
3. In what ways has your attitude toward God changed since you began to work and live the Steps on a daily
basis.
4. What do the words, “Of myself I am nothing, the Father does the works,” mean to you?
5. Do you believe the chief activator of the acquired character defects has been self-centered fears? What are
you doing to eliminate this acquired self-centered fear?
6. What does “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings” mean to you?
7. How are you going to live Step Seven?
8. Now, using the Seventh Step Prayer as a guide, humbly ask Him to remove your shortcomings.

Step Seven Prayer

“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and
bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of
character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my
fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.
Amen.” Alcoholic Anonymous, page 76
 Eighth Step Guide
“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
In Step Four we made a searching and fearless moral inventory. If we did Step Four thoroughly, one of the by-
products was a list of most or all of the people that we had harmed. Although this list may be incomplete, it will
serve as a starting point for us to use in doing Step Eight.
Having done and now living the preceding seven Steps, it should be apparent that we are not only in conflict with
ourselves, but also with people and situations. Since both Steps Eight and Nine are concerned with personal
relations, it behooves us to extract every bit of information about our inner selves and our functional difficulties by
examining our personal relations.
The first portion of Step Eight is making a list of all persons we harmed. What is meant by “harmed”? Simply, it
is the result of instincts gone astray (the Acquired False Self and all its defects and shortcomings) which have
caused physical, mental, emotional or spiritual damage to others. In the broadest possible sense, this category
could include harm done to our “True Self” by the “Acquired False Self”. In the process of compiling this list, we
backtrack through our lives and make and accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage that we have left
in our wake. The time has come when we ought to redouble our efforts to see how many people we have hurt and
in what ways. As we ponder twisted or broken relationships with other persons, the Acquired False Self goes on
the defensive. Fear, conspiring with false pride, will hinder our making a list of all the people we harmed. But we
must expose this negative impulse by making a deeper and honest search of our motives and actions.
The other portion of Step Eight is that we become willing to make amends to all persons we had harmed. Once
again, willingness on our part is the key work. We are not asking for restitution at this point, only a willingness to
make amends. Willingness has to do with forgiveness. In being willing to make amends, we are, in effect, asking
other people to forgive us of our trespasses. However, we must first start out by forgiving the people that we have
harmed and those who, we felt, had harmed us, including ourselves.
In summary, we carefully survey this whole area of human relations. We further discover exactly what personality
traits were acquired that caused us (the Acquired False Self) to injure and disturb others and ourselves. In doing
this, we commence to ransack the memory for the people whom we have offended. We shall want to hold
ourselves to the course of admitting the things we have done, meanwhile forgiving the wrongs done us, real or
fancied. Then we become willing, just willing, to make amends to them all.
The purpose of writing the Eighth Step is to compile a list of the people we had harmed. In doing this, we deepen
our awareness of the acquired personality traits that led to defective relations with other human beings. This
awareness should then spur us on to become willing to make amends to all persons that we had harmed. Go
through the following examples as thoroughly and as honestly as you can. You are out to get the destructive,
Acquired False Self that has been ruining the personal relationships in your life.

EIGHTH STEP WRITTEN GUIDE

1. What is your definition of “harmed”?
2. Do you believe that defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate
cause of your woes? Is so, briefly describe some of these defective relationships.
3. Make a list of all the people that you have harmed and also those people that you believe have harmed you
4. Using the list from 3, admit the things you have done which causes physical, mental, emotional or spiritual
damage to each person. Write these things beside each person’s name.
 5. Carefully survey the compiled list of persons and how you harmed them, and then decide exactly what
character defect of the Acquired False Self injured and disturbed them. Briefly note beside each person the
defects involved.
6. How are you going to become willing to make these amends?
An accurate and really exhaustive survey or your past life will lead to your eventual freedom from the bondage of
self.
Note; The enclosed Eight step Worksheets may prove valuable as a tool to outline/summarize the above process.
 Eighth Step Worksheet #1

Proposed List of Type of Harm Caused Defects Involved Willing to

Those I have Harmed Make
Amends?

Physical Mental Emotional Spiritual (Yes/No)

 Eighth Step Worksheet #2

Proposed List of Type of Harm Caused Defects Involved Willing to

Those Who Have Make
Harmed Me Amends?

Physical Mental Emotional Spiritual (Yes/No)

 Ninth Step Guide
“Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
In the preceding Step, Step Eight, w compiled a list of ALL people that we have harmed and also those people that
we believed have harmed us. This list contains the names of people that we have harmed and the amends for the
things we have done and the exact character defects of the Acquired False Self which caused physical, mental,
emotional or spiritual damage to these people. After making the list, we then became willing to make these
amends.
In the application of Step Nine, we shall need the following qualities –good judgment, a careful sense of timing,
courage and prudence. Good judgment will suggest that we ought to reflect upon these amends for a time. While
we may be quite willing to reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember THAT WE CANNOT BUY OUR
PEACE OF MIND AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS . We must be aware when the time is right; however,
procrastination may allow us to pass up a fine chance to right a serious wrong. Since we have decided to go to any
lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask God that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no
matter what the personal consequences may be. In making direct amends, let us not talk prudence while practicing
evasion.
In looking at the list of people we have harmed, we will see that the making of direct amends can fall into four
categories. They are:
1. People who ought to be dealt with as soon as possible, providing that we are reasonably confident we
can maintain our sobriety in doing so.
2. People to whom we can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosure do them or others more
harm than good.
3. People and situations where action ought to be deferred, and;
4. Others in which by the very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal
contact.
In category one, we are dealing with people with whom we should make amends quickly. These are people who
are readily accessible. Generally, they may include members of our family, employees, or employers with whom
we work, creditors whom we owe financial amends, friends, and enemies. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a
friend, but we will find it much more beneficial to us.
The second category may include people to whom we can make only partial amends. They may include our
spouses, ex-partners, former business associates or friends. Before we make a complete disclosure of the damage
done, we must see if this would seriously harm the one to whom we are making amends or other people. In
situations which might implicate other people, we secure their consent.
Thirdly, there will be cases in which action ought to be deferred. It is seldom wise to approach an individual who
still smarts from our injustices to him or her. In some cases, the individuals may not be easy to locate; however,
we must make every effort to locate these people and make our amends.
The last category includes people to whom we shall never be able to make direct personal contact. They may
include situations with complete strangers or people who are now deceased. Since we cannot reach the departed
one, we can still make amends to their living relatives. If this is impossible, we resort to God in prayer, asking
Him to forgive us in connections with these people.
We will be confronted with many obstacles in doing this Step. Procrastination will pop up, telling us that the right
time has not yet arrived. Fear says we must not pass, for the risk is too great. We will often manufacture plausible
excuses for dodging the making of direct amends. Above all, we should be absolutely sure that we are not
delaying only because we are afraid. Remember that in most cases we will require a lifetime to complete Step
Nine.
Meditation and prayer are necessary in order to make amends. Before making the amend it should be preceded by
prayer. Conscious contact with god in the matter of making amends will not God in the matter of making amends
will not only bring about a more satisfactory result, but can aid us in determining those amends avoid if they might
injure others.
The READINESS to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well being of
others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. Our behavior, more than our words will convince those
people to whom we are making direct amends. Whether they are convinced or not, we will know the amends are
sincere.
If we are painstaking bout making amends to those people we have harmed, we will be amazed before we are half
way through. The Promises, on pages 83 and 84 of Alcoholics Anonymous, will be fulfilled – sometimes quickly,
sometimes slowly. They will materialize if we work for them.
The purpose of writing the Ninth Step is to help us, in an orderly fashion, to make direct amends to such people
whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Go through the following examples and be
as honest and specific as you are able to at this time. You are about to explore opportunity that will allow you, if
you are painstakingly thorough, to put most of the acquired destructive patterns behind you.

QUESTIONS FOR WRITING ON STEP NINE

1. What does “making direct amends” mean to you?
2. Why is prayer and meditation necessary before we make our direct amends?
3. Using the list from Step Eight, put the people and the associated amend to be made in the following
categories:
a. People who ought to be dealt with ASAP
b. People to whom we con only make partial amends
c. People and situations where action ought to be deferred, and
d. People whom we shall never be able to make direct and personal contact with.
Identify with an asterisk (*) those people for whom a complete disclosure will seriously harm them.
4. Make a second list of people and institutions to which financial amends are due.
5. Now, reflecting on the list in 3 and 4, make a reasonable time estimate of when the direct amends can be
completed. Write this down in two lists.
6. How are you going to get the strength and courage to make these direct amends? (i.e. when was the last
time you called your sponsor?)
 Tenth Step Guide
“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
Beginning with Step Four, we commenced to search out the acquired character defects that brought us to physical,
moral, and spiritual bankruptcy. Step Five allowed us to share with God and another person the exact nature of
our wrongs. Steps Six and Seven make us aware that God may remove these defects and shortcomings if we are
so willing. Step Eight continued the housecleaning by our listing all people we had harmed. In Step Nine we
then made those direct amends to such people except when to do so would injure them or others. Thus, if Steps
Four through Nine have been completed honestly, then the past has been laid to rest.
Step Ten is concerned with the present and is a maintenance Step. The past is done with – now we are ready to
really practice living the principles of SA – one day at a time. Step Ten will keep us on the straight and narrow
and keep us from accumulating wreckage from the present. However, in order to do this we must take a daily
personal inventory and admit when we are wrong. We will be practicing Steps Four through Nine each day if we
are honestly willing to do Step Ten.
The first portion of Step Ten is to “continue to take personal inventory.” Although we have a searching and
fearless moral inventory from Step Four, it is not enough. Step Ten suggests that we take a personal inventory
daily.
The greatest awareness of the acquired character defects and how they still cause havoc in our daily lives is what
we are after.
The personal inventory is of three types. The “spot check” inventory finds its chief application in situations
which arise daily. In these situations we need self-restraint, honest analysis of what is involved, a willingness to
admit when the fault is elsewhere.
The second inventory, done at the end of each day, allows us to carefully examine our motives in each thought or
act. Here we recognize when we did act or think negatively, trying to see how we might have done better,
resolving with God’s help to carry these lessons into tomorrow, and make any amends still neglected.
The third type of inventory involves, when we are alone with our sponsor, a careful review or our progress. This
is a periodic house-cleaning, much like the Fourth and Fifth Steps, except we sweep away the wreckage of the
immediate past.
The remainder of Step Ten asks us “when we are wrong, promptly admit it.” This practice will become easier as
we become aware that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently
wrong.
The false self will resist admitting its wrongs. The only way to decrease the control of the false self is to defeat the
ego. We can defeat the ego by continually admitting the wrongs done. When we harm others, we must promptly
admit it – to ourselves always – to others when the admission would be constructive progress. We continually ask
ourselves, “Am I doing to others as I would have them do to me – today?”
In the daily practice of living Step Ten, we are developing self-restraint. We can neither think nor act to good
purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic. The idea that we can love a few, ignore many, and
continue to fear and hate anybody, has to be abandoned. Practicing daily to spot, admit, and correct the acquired
defects is the essence of good character building and good living.
The purpose of writing the Tenth Step is to help us acquire the habit of accurate self-appraisal and on a daily basis
admitting our wrongs, to ourselves first, then to others when the admission would be helpful. Our continued
sobriety is dependent on how well we practice this step.
Go through the following examples and be as honest and specific as you are able to at this time. You are out to
develop self-restraint, honest analysis, willingness to admit your wrongs, and a willingness to forgive when the
fault is elsewhere.
QUESTIONS FOR WRITING ON STEP TEN
1. What does “continued to take personal inventory” mean to you?
2. Explain the three different types of personal inventories as outlined in Step Ten.
3. Do you think you have acquired the habit of self-appraisal? Why or why not? If not, how do you acquire
it?
4. Why is the development of self-restraint our first objective?
5. Why is it important to promptly admit when you are wrong?
6. Have you ceased fighting anything and anybody? If not, what or who are you still fighting?
7. For the next week, keep a diary of an accurate self-appraisal for each day.
 Eleventh Step Guide
“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
Step Ten is the first of the maintenance Steps:
1. Suggests taking a daily personal inventory, and when we are wrong, promptly admitting it.
2. Helps us to develop the habit of accurate self-appraisal.
3. Makes us aware of the necessity of admitting our wrongs, first to ourselves, and then to others when the
admission would be helpful.
Also, we are starting to develop self-restraint and build character by spotting, admitting and correcting the acquired
defects of character. Step Ten is the beginning of a lifetime practice centered in the here and now.
Step Eleven, the second maintenance Step, is also a NOW Step. Previously, in Steps One through Three, we found
that:
1. Our lives have been, are NOW, and will remain unmanageable.
2. God can restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him.
3. We made a decision daily to turn our lives and our will over to His care.
Since we are undisciplined in almost all areas of our lives, we now must use prayer and meditation as the principal
means of maintaining a conscious contact with God.
The first element of Step Eleven concerns itself with prayer and meditation as the principal means of improving
our conscious contact with God. Meditation is the process that allows us to become closer to God and gain a
deeper and deeper awareness of HIS presence within.
In the beginning, we use the prayer found in Step Eleven of the Twelve and Twelve, which is given below. Praying
this prayer several times very slowly, we dwell on and savor every word, letting God illumine the deeper meaning
of each phrase. We relax and breathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which the grace of this prayer
surrounds us.
Let us still the thinking mind, gently, and allow ourselves to then focus undisturbed on the essence of the prayer.
For example, being “an instrument of peace,” asking for the grace to bring love, forgiveness, etc. to others, seeking
to give comfort, understanding and love rather than receiving it – trying to self-forget.
Meditation is something that should always be further developed. The object of meditation is to improve our
conscious contact with God and allow God’s views, ways, and grace to permeate and shape our personality.
Prayer is the raising of the heart and mind to God. Using meditation to open ourselves, we use prayer to
acknowledge God’s Sovereignty and right to guide our lives – we praise God’s capability, competence, and skill in
managing our recovery – then and only then, we ask for those right things of which we and others are in the
greatest need. Too often we make our prayer time a To Do List for God.
We need to grow towards the balance of praising God as well as petitioning for our and others’ needs. We may
thus end our meditation session with a prayer in which we ask especially for the freedom from self-will. We never
pray for our own selfish ends. In the morning we ask God to direct our thinking so that it may be divorced from
self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
Throughout the day, we constructively review the day (actually, an “interim Tenth Step” before the end of the
day!) and ask God’s forgiveness and guidance. The second prayer given below may help with this day-long
praying.
The second element of Step Eleven suggests that we pray only for the knowledge of what God’s will is for us. Our
immediate temptation will be to ask God for specific solutions to specific problems; however, this is asking God to
do it our way. Since our purpose is to conform our will to God’s will, we should ask only for the guidance to
follow God’s will and leave our will out. If we do make specific requests, we might add, “if it be thy will.”
This is not to dilute our confidence in the prayer, but to leave open other options we may not have envisioned.
Remember, we receive guidance from God for our lives to the extent that we stop making demands upon God to
give it to us on order and on our terms.
The final portion of Step Eleven suggests that after we have asked for knowledge of God’s will, that we then ask
for the power to carry it out. To start, we must exercise our will power, and after we have done the footwork, God
will supply us with the additional power to carry out God’s will.
The entire Twelve Step program is spiritual. Step Eleven is where we start to practice the methods that will allow
us, if we put forth enough concentration persistently and on a daily basis, to gain a deeper and deeper awareness of
God’s guiding presence. This Step cannot be bypassed if we are sincerely seeking a spiritual awakening. We will
be comforted and granted glimpses of the Kingdom so long as we try, however unflattering, to find and do the will
of God.

STEP 11 WRITING GUIDE

1. Why is it necessary to improve our conscious contact with God?
2. What are the principal means of improving our conscious contact with God?
3. What is the object of prayer and mediation?
4. How do you attempt to get God to do your will? How do you attempt to give God orders? Give examples.
5. What should you ask God for in your prayers?
6. Is your prayer and mediation practiced throughout the day? How might that happen?

Eleventh Step Prayer

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace
that where there is hatred, I may bring love
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony
that where there is error, I may bring truth
that where there doubt, I may bring faith
that where there is despair, I may bring hope
that where there are shadows, I may bring light
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather
to comfort than to be comforted
to understand, than to be understood
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
Amen
 Twelfth Step Guide
“Having had a spiritual Awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to Sexaholics, and to
practice these principles in all our affairs.”
At this point in our recovery process, we must be practicing the first two maintenance Steps, Step Ten and Eleven,
to the best of our ability. In addition, we constantly check to make sure that Steps One through Three are evident
in our lives on a daily basis. If this is true, then we are ready for Step Twelve, the last maintenance Step.
Step Twelve can easily be grouped into three areas. The first area concerns Spiritual Awakening. The second
asks us to carry this message to all Sexaholics. The third suggests that we practice these principles in all our
affairs. What an order, but we can carry it out if we look at these three areas and what they mean.
The first portion of Step Twelve is – “Having had a Spiritual Awakening as the RESULT of these Steps.” This
implies, in no uncertain terms, that as a result of practicing all the Steps we have each found something – called a
Spiritual Awakening.
The Spiritual Awakening, which has come slowly and sometimes painfully as we were living each Step in
sequence, is nothing more than a transformation to a new state of consciousness and being – we have “become a
new creation” through our Higher Power’s work in our lives. At this point, we should find ourselves living in a
new degree of honesty, tolerance, unselfishness, peace of mind and love of which we had thought ourselves quite
incapable of attaining. In addition, we are now aware of the havoc that the false self has caused us and are now
determined to keep the thinking mind in its proper role as our servant instead of our master.
Each time that we gained deeper and deeper awareness of God’s presence within, our consciousness was raised
and our old nature was changed. This program asks for progress, not perfection. So we must now continue dialy
to realize a deeper awareness of God’s presence within us, or we will once again separate ourselves from that who
shall set us free. Therefore, in order to allow this gift of Spiritual Awakening to grow, we should look at the
remainder of Step Twelve and find out what we should be doing.
The second part of Step Twelve is – “we tried to carry this message to Sexaholics, …” As we carry the message to
the next suffering Sexaholic, this finally translates the Twelfth Step into action. In order for us to properly
“Twelfth-Step” other Sexaholics, we should have a thorough foundation of this Program and make sure that our
own recovery process is in order.
The message we carry is the one that shows how the Steps transformed our lives – from what we used to be like, to
what happened, and how this transformation occurred. In other words, we must practice this Program daily before
we can have a message to give away. Those of us who have done the Steps and are living them are in a unique
position to carry this message of hope with love, never forgetting that this Program is a Spiritual Program, period!
Many SA members declare that no satisfaction has been deeper and no joy greater than a Twelfth Step well done.
The unconditional giving and helping of others to move from darkness into light, to see their lives with new
purpose and meaning, and above all to watch these people awaken to the Presence of a Living God in their lives –
these are the benefits that we receive as we carry the message.
For those who are interested in Twelve Step work, it is suggested that we:
1. Read Chapter 7 “Working with Others” in Alcoholics Anonymous.
2. Become an apprentice to someone who does “Twelve–Stepping” regularly.
3. Remember, “We carry the message, not the Sexaholic.” We plant the seeds. They grow in God’s time.
There are other kinds of “Twelfth-Step” work. We sit in SA meetings and listen, not only to receive but to give the
reassurance and support which only our presence can bring. If called upon to speak, we again try to carry the
message. We can also give of service to SA by making coffee, being a group secretary/treasurer, cleaning up, and
in general doing whatever the Traditions suggest that needs be done to keep SA together.
Sponsorship, if approached rightly, can be a very rewarding experience. This is the ultimate reward. “Freely ye
have received, freely give…” is the core of this part of Step Twelve.
The third part of Step Twelve – “…and to practice these principles in all our affairs” is the final section of Step
Twelve. The program of recovery that each of us has developed in doing the Steps, means absolutely nothing if
we do not practice these Principles in all our affairs. At this place in time, many things may be going well for us.
Beware – we temporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied there is no need for ALL of SA’s Twelve Steps
for us.
Maybe we are doing fine on the first half of the First Step and that part of the Twelfth Step where we “carry the
message.” If this is the case, the we are “Two Stepping”. But, if we are again willing to receive from God that
Grace which can sustain and strengthen us in any catastrophe, then we switch from “Two-Stepping” back to
“Twelve-Stepping.”
Our troubles are the same as everyone else’s, but when an honest effort is made “to practice these Principles in all
our affairs”, well grounded SA’s seem to have the ability, by God’s Grace, to take these troubles in stride and turn
them into demonstrations of faith. If we find ourselves still challenged by the lesser and more continuous
problems of life, our answer is still more spiritual development. As we grow spiritually, we find that the old ideas
and negative thinking associated with the False Self slowly disappear. So in order to grow, we must continue to
practice the SA Principles in all our affairs.
In summary, we have had a Spiritual Awakening, in some sense, by doing and living the previous eleven Steps. If
we have done our job thoroughly and honestly, then we will have a message to carry. In addition, if we have been
practicing the Steps as we completed them, and continue to do so, then it is easy to practice these Principles in all
our affairs.
The purpose of writing the Twelfth Step is to help us identify which areas of our own personal program need to be
strengthened. In each of the three areas – spiritual growth, carrying the message, and practicing the Principles in
all our affairs, we need to take a long hard look and see how they can be improved upon.
The following examples are to help us improve our program by recognizing the areas that still need honest and
thorough practice. Remember, your program of recovery does not end with the Twelfth Step – it is just
beginning.

Step 12 Writing Guide

1. What does “Having had a Spiritual Awakening as the result of these Steps” mean to you? In what ways
have you had a Spiritual Awakening? How does a Spiritual Awakening differ from a Spiritual Experience?
Why is it important to distinguish the two?
2. Has your awareness of God’s Presence increased since you have started this program? How?
3. What does “tried to carry this message to Sexaholics” mean to you?
4. What does “practice these Principles in all our affairs” mean to you?
5. If you are still having problems with some aspects of your life, what is the answer? Why? (Read the
Twelfth Step in Twelve and Twelve)
6. What is meant by “Twelfth Stepping”? How can you successfully do this? Can you write down the name
of someone who might need your help?
7. Explain why we have to stop fighting anybody or anything.
8. In what ways has this Program changed your life?