9.
The television shows were utterly hilarious, and lacked the abysmal
attitude problems, entitlement and rudeness showcased in today’s Disney
Channel filth. (OK, fine, I sometimes like Austin and Ally. And I’m a little
bummed about Good Luck, Charlie being cancelled, if we’re being honest. But
the rest of those shows suck.) I mean, didn’t we all learn a lot about ourselves
from the teenage struggles of Samantha Micelli and Kirk Cameron’s little
sister Carol? Those girls weren’t snotty little smart-mouths. Oh, and there was
no Caillou. Just the Smurfs and the Snorks. And did you ever watch that
episode of Perfect Strangers where Balki and Larry tried to carry a piano up
the stairs? Comic. Perfection. Also? Alf.
10. Perms. OK, just kidding, that one actually isn’t awesome. But check out
this picture
Back then, we had to memorize the phone numbers of our best friends and
neighbors, play with them, play with our siblings and talk to our parents. I, for
one, am grateful for all those years when the biggest screen distraction was a
small obsession with Frogger on our Atari. We actually spent time with our
friends and family members without constantly looking down at a screen while
pretending to listen.
7. The dolls. Cabbage Patch Dolls stood for love and nurturing, in direct
opposition to the materialism-drenched cash cow that is the American Girl
Doll. One of Xavier’s babies could kick the a$$ of any American Girl Doll any
day of the week. (The sad irony is not lost on me that those dolls are in fact
based on the beloved and high-quality American Girl series launched in 1986.
I am, in fact, reading one of them aloud with my daughter. I just cried when it
ended.)
8. On that note, the tween literature. The Babysitters Club, Sweet Valley
Twins, the aforementioned American Girl series, prior to becoming befouled
by consumerism. Check out this stash:
1. The bracelets were highly preferable to the annoying rubber band Rainbow
Loom bracelets that made their way into my home this ill-fated Christmas.
Jellies, anyone? Friendship bracelets? Those were quality products. Speaking
of jellies, the shoes were amazing, too. Never mind the fact that my freakishly
narrow feet rendered jellies the least practical footwear option available, they
were still awesome. And I totally rocked my huaraches and espadrilles. Let’s
not talk about my Moon Boots.
2. There were girl bands. Forget the ridiculousness of the boy bands of the
late ‘90s and early 2000s, not to mention Harry from One Direction. The Go-
Go’s, anyone? The Bangles? Bananarama? Need I go on? Yes, yes, I think
so. Expose? Salt-n-Pepa? Sorry for the accusatory question marks.
3. The movie Dirty Dancing was made. Enough said.
4. Even the prettiest, most popular girls look horrendous in their old
family photos thanks to the horrifying trends and hairstyles.
5. We roamed freely. Sometimes we left the house in the morning and didn’t
return until dinner. We walked to the drug store with our friends. We earned
money walking the neighbors’ dogs. We formed clubs with ridiculous names
and unknown purposes. We explored. We were wild.
6. You didn’t have to be genetically altered to win spelling bees. That’s
right, I went there. There’s no way in hell that I, as a 35-year-old woman who
once graduated summa cum laude, could ever spell the words that today’s
freaky 5th graders have programmed into their freaky spelling-bee-champ
brains.
1. The Action Figures
Long before the recent blockbusters came out, Star Wars, G.I. Joe,
and Transformers action figures ruled the '80s. I could never get
my hands on a Storm Shadow or Cobra Night Raven Jet, but I was
the proud owner of many Dinobots. We would always get the
neighborhood kids together for unforgettable wide-scale action
figure battles. Honorable mention goes to Mask and He-Man
figures.
2. The Clothes
The '80s epitomized great (and a few not so great) clothing styles.
The shorts left little to the imagination, but kids today don't
appreciate the natural air conditioning these provided. The same
goes with the cutoff half shirts that guys sported to show how many
abs they didn't have. Air Jordans, Vans, and L.A. Gear topped the
shoe charts. I still remember my one and only pair of yellow and
black Airwalk high tops. I would proudly wear them again if I could,
but I don't think my wife would be seen with me in them.
3. The Hair Bands
Hair spray and leopard print spandex were all the rage. I wasn't
allowed to listen to this "rock" music, but thankfully my friends on
the school bus introduced me to it. Guns N' Roses will always rule
the decade for me.
4. The Epic Movies
This decade was a cornucopia for movies that will live on forever in
'80s kids' hearts. Arnold and Stallone were at the top of their game.
However, movies like The Goonies, The Karate Kid, Gremlins,
and Back to the Future won over every guy. I could go on and on
here. The NeverEnding Story, anyone?
5. BMX Bikes
Every boy wanted a BMX bike, and the movie Rad made every kid
think they could go off crazy jumps and do flips in the air. I'm sure
that movie alone contributed to half the preteen broken arms in
that decade. BMX bikes were at the top of the food chain. Extra
points if you had a Mongoose BMX bike.
6. Paper Routes
There wasn't a better way for a kid to earn money in the '80s than
to throw a huge basket on their bike and hurl newspapers great
distances. The Sunday editions usually landed on people's roofs or
decapitated their lawn ornaments. How could a job involving a 10-
year-old throwing heavy objects, while traveling as fast as possible,
ever go wrong?
7. The Walkman
The number one reason to have a paper route was to save money
for the pinnacle of all '80s electronic devices -- the Sony Walkman.
This was the go-to gadget of the decade and changed the way we
thought about music. You either needed a huge stereo boombox to
carry on your shoulder, or a Walkman with headphones on your
ears. Side note: you always needed a pencil with you in case you
had to perform quick repairs on your cassette tapes.
8. The Television Shows
Sprenger got this point right in her post. Kids today don't have
incredible shows like we did. I do have to disagree with her
examples, however. Perfect Strangers? C'mon. Family Ties (Mallory
was hot), Silver Spoons (that jerk Ricky had everything), and Saved
By The Bell (Kelly Kapowski alone was worth watching) highlighted
my childhood. Ok, I will give Sprenger Who's the Boss because
Alyssa Milano was my dream girl growing up.
9. The Mullet
With business in the front and party in the back, nothing said cool
in the '80s like a mullet. Combine the mullet with a letterman
jacket and "pegging" your jeans, and you were unstoppable.
10. The Arcade
What would a boy growing up in the '80s do without an arcade to
ride his BMX bike to? Sure, there was Atari and the original NES,
but the arcade was where you went in order to publicly show off
your finely tuned skills. Put the quarter up on the machine to
demonstrate that you meant business, and you were on your way to
stardom. Games like Double Dragon, Street Fighter, Tron, and
Altered Beast regularly chewed up my allowance. However, arcade
glory was worth the cost at any price.
2 The 80’s in ReviewPolitics/HistoryPop Culture
4 Ronald Reagan The Superhero QUICK BIO Born in 1911 Movie Actor
Terms as PresidentThe SuperheroRescued 77 people from drowning as a lifeguard in IllinoisBroke
the “20 Year Curse”First President not to die in office if elected in a year with a “0” in it.
5 Reaganomics 101 Law 1: Government should be small
Law 2: Federal budgets should be controlledLaw 3: Tax Cuts = More Money for the people = Better
Economy
6 BUT… Dollars and Cents Reality Federal Deficit went up 51%
National Debt Increased to highest level ever up to that point.BUT…
7 The 1980’s Boom median family income median household income
average household incomeIncreased during his presidencyHighest Average Growth of GNP in
peacetime history ( )
8 “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”
Foreign AffairsOn his inauguration day the Iranian hostages were releasedDefense Spending: (Star
Wars)Made Key Contributions to Soviet/U.S. RelationsMet with Soviet Leader GorbachevSigned
weapons treaty“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”Ronald Reagan
9 “Republicans believe every day is 4th of July, but Democrats believe every day is April 15.”
Ronald Reagan
10 George H. Bush President 1989-1993
Berlin Wall Came Down during his presidency
12 80’s FashionLeg Warmers, Head Bands, Big Hair
13 80’s Music Michael Jackson Prince Madonna U2 Bon Jovi AC/DC
Duran DuranBruce Springsteen
14 “Whoever Dies With the Most Toys Wins”
The YuppiesUrban ProfessionalsTired of Political Activism of 1960’sSingleBig Incomes to spend on
themselvesMarried Yuppies = DINKs(Double Income No Kids)No “cheap” MarijuanaOnly Cocaine,
the “expensive drug”Stock Market Crash Ended the Yuppie Era in the 1980’s“Whoever Dies With the
Most Toys Wins”
15 Major Events/Achievements
Space Shuttle ColumbiaCNNMTVIBM Mass Produced ComputersSandra Day O’ConnorBerlin Wall
FellHuge Stock Market Crash in 1987Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
