A guide for tired parents

6 ways to get better sleep

without sleep training

Hava | Raised to Flourish

Welcome, I'm Hava
My personal story was one of struggle, anxiety and confusion. With
my first daughter everything felt overwhelming – there was a
mountain of conflicting information, too many cookie-cutter
approaches, and not a lot that was actually helpful. I didn’t know
where to look or who to listen to. I was burnt out and exhausted,
trying things that never seemed to help.

I thought sleep training was the ONLY way, and I didn’t want to do
that. Maybe that’s why you’re here! Perhaps you know you don’t
want to sleep train, or you’ve tried, and it didn’t have the results you
hoped for. But you still need sleep! I am here for precisely that!

It’s my mission to help you get better sleep and arm you with
knowledge and science-backed information so you can feel good
about the choices you’re making around sleep in your household. I
want you and your baby to feel rested in a way that aligns with your
values. There ARE ways to improve sleep for the whole family
without sleep training. So let’s dive in!

Hava | Raised to Flourish

Sleep Specialist

@RaisedtoFlourish

@RaisedtoFlourish

@RaisedtoFlourish
 LET’S GET STARTED

1:1 time one

Children are wired for connection and closeness, designed to seek out
closeness to us so often, and protest separation.
Your baby's number one job during the first few years is to form a secure
attachment with you, created through contact, closeness, and proximity.
Babies perceive nighttime and sleep as a time of separation! Bedtime is
often the longest period of separation your baby has to face all day, and
this separation can be scary. Even for little ones who are sleeping close to
their caregiver, they are still going into their unconscious, which can feel
one

like a level of separation. If a baby is left to cry or we feel really stressed

during the bedtime routine, our little ones sense this and may fight sleep
because it doesn't feel safe.

But if we fill their attachment cup, respond to their needs, and help them
realize that it's okay if we leave because we always come back, we
signal that it's safe to go to sleep and your baby doesn't need to fear this
period of separation.

You can support this by filling the bedtime routine with intentional,
unplugged connection time with your child! This will allow them to get
their connection & relationship needs met so they are not seeking more
connection when it is time to sleep.

The key to building a secure attachment is responsiveness, which includes

both during the day and the night. Our little ones don't switch off at night;
their needs remain, so responsiveness during the night is just as crucial as
during the day.

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Now, this doesn't mean that you must run to every little noise and sound
your little one makes or beat yourself up if you can't meet their every need
immediately. It is not about perfection; no parent is perfect, which is okay!
We are all doing our best, which is always good enough.
Instead, it is about your little one building trust in knowing that you will
meet their needs, and when we do get it wrong, we will actively work to
repair it.

Your child’s need for closeness and comfort is normal and natural and not
an indication that you are doing anything wrong, but it is the design of
humanity. Babies are innately dependent on their caregivers, and
closeness and co-regulation are their most significant needs.

© Raised to Flourish 2023 - All Rights Reserved

Start with the day

Light exposure:
two
Light exposure can have a significant impact on your child's sleep
patterns. Plenty of natural light, especially in the morning and early
afternoon, is associated with plenty of sleep.
During the day, exposing your child to natural, broad-spectrum light,
can help regulate their circadian rhythm.
Minimizing light exposure in the evening can also help promote
sleep, which applies to both you and your baby! Blue light emitted
by electronic devices can suppress the production of melatonin, a
hormone that helps to regulate sleep-wake cycles. Consider
dimming the lights in your home 1-2 hours before bedtime to help
signal to your baby and their body that sleep is coming.

Exercise and time outside:

Allowing your child to move their body, play and get physically tired can
substantially benefit sleep. Additionally, being outside in the fresh air
and natural light can provide wonderful sensory input, regulate the
nervous system, and promote improved sleep quality. Having free
movement time also benefits their developing skills.

© Raised to Flourish 2023 - All Rights Reserved

Sleep pressure three
Every baby has their own unique balance of day and night sleep, and the
rate at which their sleep pressure (how tired they are) builds while
awake. We WANT babies to be tired enough to sleep well, but not
pushed past their limits to where they are upset and overtired.

Wake windows can be a great tool to help balance your baby's daytime
sleep to ensure they aren't becoming overtired. These times will vary by
the child's temperament, age and their needed sleep in 24 hours. It is
more important to follow the rhythm of your unique baby than a set
schedule or specific windows, as "ideal" wake windows are not
evidence-based.

When determining your child's unique rhythm and optimal timing,

take an attitude of curiosity. Some baby's sleep cues are very similar to
boredom, so you can try changing the activity or the environment before
moving on to the sleep routine.

Observe how your baby does with a shorter awake window and increase
if the baby doesn't seem ready for sleep and settles easily. You can also
track your baby's sleep for a week to see where your current routine fits.
Remove the pressure to get it perfect and know that it is a learning
process to learn your baby and find their unique cues. Free freedom to
experiment with timing and interpreting your baby's cues. Sometimes
this takes trial and error, so don't be hard on yourself!

© Raised to Flourish 2023 - All Rights Reserved

Routines four
Research shows that consistent bedtime routines have a positive impact
on sleep. And they are dose-dependent, meaning the more consistent
you are, the more benefit to sleep!
The goal of a sleep routine is to provide a time of calm, connection
and to signal to your baby that sleep is coming. Sleep and nighttime
represent vulnerability and separation to your child, and you can support
them by filling their "love tank" with tons of calm and connection.

Your routine must be created based on your family's needs and your
child's needs - what they find calming and works for them. There is no
magical bedtime routine that will make a baby sleep through the night,
as much as I wish there was! Choose 3-5 elements that can be done in
the same order the majority of the time.

Sleep associations five

It is incredibly normal for babies to need support to fall asleep and
sometimes stay asleep. A baby's ability to fall asleep without support,
from a drowsy or wide awake state without parental support primarily
depends on their temperament and personal preferences, as opposed
to a learned skill that sleep trainers would insist on. Babies are
neurologically incapable of "self-soothing" their brains literally can't do it!
Falling asleep independently is not a requirement for good baby or
toddler sleep.

Some babies can fall asleep independently at night and still will wake up
5 times in the middle of the night, and babies who are rocked, fed or
soothed to sleep and can sleep through the night without signalling.
How often your baby wakes at night actually has very little, if
anything, to do with how you support them to sleep.

© Raised to Flourish 2023 - All Rights Reserved

Instead, I encourage you to use lots of sleep associations! Lean into
multiple ways of supporting your baby to sleep, in a way that works
for both you and your child.

For example, if you're currently feeding your child to sleep, consider

adding an auditory cue like shh-ing or a lullaby, and perhaps patting or
holding their hand. You can consider both environmental sleep
associations, like their sleep space, white noise and a dim room, and
levels of support that you provide your child.

What matters most is that it works for both you and your baby in the
present. If there comes a time when specific sleep associations no
longer serve you, then you can make a change gently while still fulfilling

six
their need for support.

Your well-being

So many times we can get better sleep by ensuring we get the best
sleep quality possible, even while our sleep may be more fragmented.

Consider the following

How is your sleep hygiene and nutrition

Can you take things off of your plate or get more support from
partners/family/friends?
Can you align your sleep rhythms with your baby, perhaps going to
bed earlier with them?
Consider removing all clocks from the sleep space, and avoid
tracking night wakes.
If you have a partner, can they be more involved in nighttime
parenting so you get more consolidated chunks of sleep?
Do you feel additional help in the form of a mental health
professional or a 1:1 consultation with a sleep consultant to take a
look at your unique situation?

© Raised to Flourish 2023 - All Rights Reserved

The Ultimate Guide to Sleep
for 0-18 months
The only guide you’ll need to understand your child's sleep and navigate
sleep challenges with confidence
Filled with practical tools to help maximize sleep in your family
Created with the understanding that every baby is unique and has different
needs
Truly responsive and science backed strategies for better sleep that work
Rediscover the joy of this season of parenting

GET ACCESS NOW

The complete resource for improving sleep

without sleep training at your fingertips.
Youu CAN wake up in the morning feeling
rested
You CAN feel confident about your child’s
sleep.
You CAN make changes to the aspects of
sleep no longer working in a way that
honours both your needs for a change
AND your child’s needs.
Sleep CAN be an enjoyable, peaceful
experience for your family.

GET ACCESS NOW