Foundations: Terms, Principles, and Consent
What is BDSM?
BDSM is an overlapping acronym for
Bondage & Discipline, Dominance &
Submission, and Sadism & Masochism.
In simple terms, BDSM covers a wide
range of kinky or alternative erotic
activities and relationship dynamics that
involve consensual power exchange,
intense sensations, role-play, and other
non-vanilla experiences. “Kink” is a
broad umbrella term for unconventional
sexual desires or activities; BDSM is one Core Principles – SSC, RACK,
subset of kink that explicitly involves
power dynamics (someone taking a and PRICK:
dominant role and someone a
submissive role). Importantly, BDSM The BDSM community abides by ethical
activities may or may not be sexual in frameworks to ensure play is
the traditional sense – for many, it’s as responsible and consensual. The oldest
much about emotional or psychological and most famous motto is SSC (Safe,
experience as physical sex. Sane, Consensual). “Safe” means all
reasonable precautions are taken to
prevent harm (using safe words, proper responsibility for knowing your own
gear, etc.). “Sane” means all parties are limits and the realities of what you’re
of sound mind, sober, and exercising asking for or agreeing to.
good judgment – understanding the
difference between fantasy and reality. No matter the framework, consent
“Consensual” means everyone involved is the lynchpin. In the BDSM context,
gives informed, enthusiastic consent consent must be explicit, informed,
to the activities, and can withdraw and revocable at any time. This means
consent at any time. SSC is a all parties discuss and agree on what
foundational ethos that differentiates will (and won’t) happen before play
BDSM from abuse by emphasizing starts – often called negotiation – and
mutual agreement and care. anyone can stop the scene if they
become uncomfortable or hit their limit.
As BDSM evolved, some felt SSC was Consent is an ongoing process, not a
too simplistic. Many now prefer RACK one-time checkbox. Good dominants
(Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). RACK continually monitor their partner’s
acknowledges that no activity is 100% wellbeing during a scene, and good
“safe” or without risk – and that what is submissives understand they have the
considered sane or acceptable varies by right (and responsibility) to speak up or
individual. Under RACK, the focus is on use a safeword to halt play if needed.
being fully aware of the specific risks We’ll discuss safewords more in the
of a kink (e.g. knowing rope bondage Safety section, but the key idea is:
can cause nerve damage, or that without consent, it’s not BDSM – it’s
whipping can break skin) and then abuse.
consenting to take those risks
responsibly. This approach is more
permissive of edge play (very risky play)
as long as everyone understands the
potential consequences (in other words,
there is no blanket “safe/not safe,” only
safer vs. less safe).
A related concept is PRICK
(Personal Responsibility, Informed
Consensual Kink). PRICK similarly
emphasizes informed consent to risk,
but puts extra weight on personal
responsibility – each participant must
actively educate themselves and own Negotiation Basics:
their decision to engage in a kinky
activity. In practice, PRICK means doing Negotiation is simply the conversation
your homework on a kink (researching (or series of conversations) in which you
safety, perhaps taking classes or asking outline boundaries, limits, and
experienced folks) before doing it. It desires with a partner before engaging
encourages internal reflection (“How do in BDSM play. Especially when you’re
I feel about this fantasy? What needs new, it helps to be specific and
might I have for aftercare? What will I do thorough: talk about what activities you
if things go wrong?”). Under PRICK, you are interested in trying, which things
don’t just trust your partner to be are absolutely off-limits (hard limits),
responsible – you also take and which you’re uncertain about (soft
limits or “maybe, under the right
conditions”). Discuss practical details: Is
this just a one-time casual “scene” (a
BDSM play session), or part of an
ongoing relationship? Sexual contact or
no sex? Any sensitive health issues or
trauma triggers to be aware of? What
safe word or signals will you use? Who
will provide what equipment? And very
importantly, what happens after – do
you need cuddles and conversation
(aftercare) once it’s over? Negotiation
may feel unsexy in the moment, but it Kink Risk Levels – Not All
empowers you to get your needs met
and avoid misunderstandings. Nothing Kinks Are Equal:
ruins the mood like a serious
Part of being “risk-aware” is
boundary violation, so invest the time
recognizing that some activities are
up front to get on the same page.
inherently more dangerous or intense
than others. For example, tying
someone up with silk scarves and
Pro-Tip: tickling them has a very different risk
profile than wrapping someone’s neck
Many people use
in a rope and suspending them in the
Yes/No/Maybe checklists as
air. BDSM practitioners often categorize
negotiation tools. These are
play by risk tier or level:
lists of potential kinks or
activities that you individually
mark “Yes (I want this),” “No
(hard limit),” or “Maybe (open - Low-Risk Play:
to it with conditions or more
trust)”. Comparing lists with a Activities like light bondage (e.g. using
partner can jump-start the fuzzy cuffs or scarves that won’t tighten
conversation and ensure you too much), gentle spanking, blindfolds,
don’t forget to mention things. feather tickling, ice cube play, etc.
It’s also a fun way to discover These can cause discomfort but are
new ideas you hadn’t unlikely to cause serious injury if done
considered. You can find with common sense. Always some risk
printable BDSM checklists and (a blindfold could cause a stumble; a
“Yes/No/Maybe” inventories in light spanking could bruise), but
many books and online. generally minimal lasting harm.
- Moderate-Risk Play:
More intense impact play (floggers,
paddles, canes that could bruise or
welt), more restrictive bondage (rope
that, if done incorrectly, could cramp or
pinch nerves), wax play (minor burns
possible), BDSM sex toys use, etc. These
require greater skill or precautions –
e.g. knowing safe striking zones on the
body, having safety shears to quickly
cut rope, using candles with
appropriate melting points for wax, etc.
Injury is avoidable but you need
knowledge and vigilance.
- High-Risk or “Edge Play”:
This refers to activities on the edge of
safe/sane – where serious harm (or
even death) is a real possibility if things Start slow:
go wrong. Examples: breath-play
(choking/strangulation or suffocation As a newcomer, it’s recommended to
games), knifeplay or cutting, blood start with lower-risk activities and
play, fire play, gunplay, extreme gradually work up if you desire. This
humiliation or consensual non-consent lets you learn how your body and
(rape roleplay) scenarios, and emotions respond without putting
suspension bondage (hanging yourself in extreme danger on day one.
someone in rope – risk of falls or nerve It also builds trust between partners.
injury). Edgeplay is not for beginners. For instance, before you ever consider
Many experienced kinksters won’t do something like knifeplay, you might
some of these at all, and those who do first try sensation play with less lethal
typically practice extensively, have objects (feathers, wartenberg
safety measures in place (like spotters pinwheels, etc.) to see how you react to
or medics on hand), and accept that no sharp stimulus. If ultimate hardcore
matter how careful you are, you could edge play is your goal, treat it like
get seriously hurt. For example, learning to drive a racecar – you don’t
choking is widely considered one of floor it on the first lap. Get training,
the most dangerous kinks – it can practice the fundamentals, and perhaps
lead to unconsciousness, broken seek mentors or workshops in your
trachea, stroke, or death, and injuries local community to learn advanced
may not be immediately apparent. No skills.
amount of “skill” makes choking Lastly, BDSM is for consenting
completely safe, so RACK philosophy adults only. It should go without
would say: do it only if you knowingly saying, but no minors are allowed in
accept those risks. (Safer alternatives any capacity, ever. Ethical BDSM also
like breath control without pressure on excludes non-consenting living things
the neck exist – e.g. covering the (that includes animals) – such activities
mouth, or face-sitting – but even those are abuse and illegal. This guide
must be done with caution.) focuses on consensual activities
between adults, with consent and
safety as the bedrock.
