(Announcer): “You are listening to ‘Azeroth News Mid-Day Update’ with Minerva Pennyweight,

and re-introducing Magdalena Bey.”

(Minerva Pennyweight-Felmeter): “Good afternoon, Azeroth, I’m Minerva Pennyweight”

(Magdalena Bey): “And I’m Magdalena Bey.”

(Minerva): “And this is your Mid-Day News Update here with Azeroth News Network. And may I
just say that I am positively thrilled to have Magdalena return to the family here at Azeroth News
Network. So sorry that job at Bilgewater corporate did not pan out.”

(Magdalena): “And I am thrilled to co-host with you, Minerva. I feel like new blood next to a well
seasoned veteran.”

(Minerva): “Oh, you are too modest, you are just as well seasoned as I am, Magdalena, even
more so as you got into the reporting industry earlier than me. You are truly one of the members
of the OLD guard and I’m humbled to have you as my co-host.”

(Magdalena): “Our top story today, Stormwind received a little bit of good news as reports of
apple poisonings have tapered off over the weekend. Stormwind investigators have confirmed
that investigations are on-going to unmask and arrest parties who are behind the outbreak of
poisonings in the city. This station sends its heartfelt condolences to the family of Sir Edmund
St. Albans, Stormwind Food & Safety minister who was tragically killed after ingesting one of the
poison apples live on air this past week. Sir St. Albans replacement, Sir Henry Simmersen,
thanked distributors outside of Stormwind for re-supplying the city with fresh apples. With more
on that we turn to Rodrick Pigiron in Stormwind, Rodrick.”
---

(Sir Henry Brosip Simmersen): “As I was saying to Mr. Denny earlier, I am confident that we
have managed to destroy the tainted apples and have brought in fresh apples from the Eastvale
Region. Now even the lower classes can enjoy fresh, or nearly fresh fruit without issue. You, in
the back.”

(Rodrick Pigiron): “Rodrick Pigiron, Azeroth News Network-”

(Henry S.) “Speaking of lower class-”

(Rod P.): “Ye claim ye hav’ destroyed several tons of Stormwind housed apples. Could ye
elaborate on what ye actually did wit’ them?”

(Henry S.): “Well, some of the apples we used as fuel for tha Stockade furnace to try an’ defer
costs from our department by makin’ tha Stormwind Department of Prisons buy these apples.
We had also used the situation to ensure the poison could not become airborne as none of the
prisoners died by poison, they only died by the usual method of shankings or being beaten by
the guards.”

(Rod): “And tha rest?”

(Harold Brown): “I’m Brown from the Sun-”

(Rod): “Everyone’s heard that line, Harold. I’m asking the question, what happened tae tha rest
of the apples?”

(Harold B.): “We all agreed, one question at a time, Rod. And you’re one to talk, your last name
is ‘Pigiron’ what kind of name of Pigiron for a Dwarf?”

(Rod): “Tha toughest, crudest sort o’ iron. Tha iron MY CLAN had tae work wit’ after bein’ kicked
outta Ironforge by tha Light damn Bronzebeards.”

(Henry S.): “Gentlemen, gentlemen, my successor died on one program. Can we not have a
simple press conference without more interruptions or calamities? As to what we did with the
REST of the apples we could not burn, we simply flushed them into the canals. We’re hoping
the bobbing apples will attract some of these damn rats and flush them out into Stormwind
harbor as well. You, sir.”

(Delgan von Strike, Sailing Jupiter): “Vunderbar, Herr Simmerson-”

(Henry S.): “That’s quite an interesting accent you have, sir.”

(Delgan v.S.): “Yavowl, I am from Deeper Gnomeregan where we developed this accent, Herr.
As to these apples in Stormwind harbor, will that not obscure and disrupt the flow of shipping?”

(Henry S.): “They are apples, gentlemen. Pieces of fruit. I am sure the saltwater will dissolve
them in short order. Why is it that we cannot have a press conference where you all walk away
assuming us politicians and bureaucrats are fools?”

Clearing throats, muttering, and a few looks in other directions.

---

(Minerva): “Rodrick later reported that he did not get into any fights with our colleagues over at
the Stormwind Sun, but he did admit to laughing when Harold Brown pushed into a servant that
had spilled wine on Sir Henry Simmerson during a later reception. In other news, Stormwind
Harbor has reported an uptick in both a growing rat population, as well as several scores of
apples flooding into the bay from Stormwind canals. Stick with us here at Azeroth News
Network, we will be later looking at more STONEWATCH. More updates on Chubbs the Wonder
Cats whereabouts, and much more after these messages.”
Tab 2
(Magdalena Bey): “And when I need iron work done, and tough iron men to stare at, I patronize
‘Braxton Blacksmithing’ of Blackwake-Newworth-Stormwind. If you don’t want it to be broke, you
want it to be Brax-”
(Minerva Pennyweight): “Never mind that ad, Magdalena, we have a special news bulletin that
trumps any ad reads, without refunds. While some spectators are looking at the apples and
drowned rats, others are pointing to the upper reaches where the body of Captain Render
Blacktooth, the head of the Blacktooth Ravagers Crew, was found on display without the head.
Details are scarce, but the office of the High Marshal has confirmed in a curt message that they
have executed the orc captain. While Captain Blacktooth was said to be a factionless member
of the Horde, a member of the Free Seas, his death is already believed to have triggered an
increase in Horde and Alliance patrols in the Stranglethorn region with ships associated with
Alliance Southern Fleet being matched by elements of the Warsong ‘Typhoon’ Fleet. Not since
the Fourth War has the waters around Cape of Stranglethorn and the Southern Reaches been
hot with activity. This is a developing story, and we are trying to get an expert on Alliance-Horde
military matters, but we can confirm that Captain Render Blacktooth has been executed and it
appears that an emergency meeting of the House of Nobles and House of Commons is being
conducted. On scene is Rodrick Pigiron. Rodrick, what is going on out there?”

(Rodrick Pigiron - Again): “Tha city is in a hush after members o’ Stormwind’s Department o’
Justice, brought forth tha massive body t’was once Render Blacktooth. Tha town criers echoed
the proclamations that were read from the tower as the body was being displayed: “Here stands
Render Blacktooth. Pirate and Enemy o’ the Kingdom of Stormwind, Enemy o’ tha Alliance,
Enemy o’ tha People. May he serve his eternal punishment in this life an’ tha next. We do not
know where tha head o’ Render Blacktooth is. Possibly being prepared for its place on a spike
upon tha wall o’ Stormwind, this display would be a taste o’ what is tae come in tha coming hour
or evenin’. Right now all petitioners are barred from tha petitioner’s hall while tha House of
Nobles conducts their emergency meeting.”

(Minerva): “Powerful stuff. Yet another blow to the Free Seas, which is unfortunate, but we of
course emphasize that we are not truly a part of, and any connection by person or persons is
coincidental. Anyway, you were reading something, Magdalena?"

(Magdalena): “Well, this news about a grim beheading sort of put a damper on Braxton
Blacksmithing, LLC. But uh… Braxton Blacksmithing and Ironworks - It Cannot Break If It’s a
Braxton.”