CENTRAL AMERICAN THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY

DATING: THE PURPOSE AND THE FAILURE

Project
Presented in partial fulfillment of the requirements of the subject
Christian Family

Oscar Cuesta Cotrina

September 3, 2019
 DATING: THE PURPOSE AND FAILURE

Introductory matters

It has long been considered that personal relationships are part of being.

human, and there was even talk of an inherent trait that humans have in seeking someone with

who shares their emotions, feelings, and desires. Now, there are many areas in

the ways in which human beings can relate to one another; we have, for example: friendship,

fraternal, paternal, maternal relationship, marriage, courtship, etc. All these areas

they correspond to an order, a reason, and even a right before the law. Although it is true that the church

and its leaders within it have made a great effort to resolve some

needs regarding those relationships, there are still things to do.

Since not all areas can be addressed in a single work like this, if you are a

youth leader, pastor, or single, this is for you. Will you read about how to conquer

to a girl in three effective steps? Or maybe you are hoping to find in these

lines the perfect formula to get out of the friendzone. Well, I'm going to discourage you in a way

Warning: If you want to please God in your relationship and have answers for this

rotten generation, I recommend you read this document.

Having said all this, I want to invite you to give yourself to the Lord in prayer and ask Him

much wisdom so that you can understand and apply everything you will learn. Additionally,

like any work of a theology student who is only 23 years old, you won't find

not all answers nor solutions to all problems, but let me assure you that

if you seek to shape an excellent young person within you, and be a blessing in your relationship, do not stop

learn. So, here we go.

Young people are preparing for many things these days, except for the

marriage. Without proper preparation, the marriage will have serious problems, it will take

a long time to adjust and frankly it could end in divorce. The courtship

so, it's a blessing, you know why? Because it's the time to get to know each other well.

couple, after having prayed, sought direction, the will of God, and you are

sure that the chosen person is the right one to be your partner for the rest of your life,

What you must do first is to open your eyes wide. There is a famous saying about the

dating that warns us of the following (read with a grandfather's voice): 'Love is blind, and the'

marriage opens your eyes.” What this thought is trying to say is that a

Young people should not get into a relationship out of emotion or desire; it is necessary to know.

well to the person you are going to marry. While it is true that in a relationship of

In a relationship, you will not get to know your girl 100%. It is necessary for you to start getting to know her.

As much as you can, because marriage is a definitive relationship and there will be no turning back afterwards.

reverse. Marriage is not a video game, kid.

Now, it not only involves knowing your partner, but it also has a lot to do with a

serious commitment between two mature people of the opposite sex. Here I want to clarify that

falling in love with someone is normal, it is a good thing, man and woman were

created for each other, to marry, to be in company, the Bible says that the

woman is the perfect companion for man. Genesis 2:18 says: "Then God said: No

It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him someone to accompany and help him.

God's plan is for most people to marry, unless there is a reason for

any serious illness, the gift of self-control or a missionary ministry or another. For the
For Jews, courtship is a marital pact called 'kidushín' = 'sanctifications', it is

when the two sanctify themselves, they dedicate and separate themselves for each other. By committing their

the word is already tied to one another, for this reason this step is also called 'erusín', of

verb "aras" which means "to tie". Courtship is not a soccer ball, kid.

Purpose of dating

According to David Hormachea, the first question he would ask a couple of fiancés

Are you planning to get married? If your answer is no, then there is another question for them, why?

What are you with him or her? If your answers include 'because I feel lonely', 'I really like them'

well, "he/she is a good person", etc., but you have no intention for him/her to be

your wife or husband, let me tell you that it will be helpful for us to talk about what

means to live a relationship. Christians are called to do everything with

intentionality, with a purpose. We would never embark on an adventure just to pass time.

time, but because we are always heading towards a destination. A relationship also has

that having a reason to be; it is not simply a relationship to pass the time. There are

at least two specific purposes:

It's a time to build maturity while we wait: And we see it in the

example of Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24), both were of appropriate age, they had

necessary maturity, and evidently, they had developed a personal relationship

with God. In dating, maturity plays an important role, because now,

you have to learn that in a relationship things cannot be rushed, everything

you must be forming emotional, economic, and spiritual stability. Do you see for

Why do teenagers always fail? Despite assuring love, they are not there.

ready, neither by age, nor by emotional stability, spiritual and much less
 dating. Courtship is the stage where you can grow in those three

areas.

Glorifying God: This second way of explaining the purpose of courtship is

essential, because from here it will be noticeable what things you prioritize and what

things you put last. Friend, God must have the first place in your life.

dating. And it is your responsibility to make sure that the words that are spoken, what

Do with your girlfriend what others say about your relationship, glorify God.

The courtship and the failure of fornication

When a man and a woman are attracted to each other and start to

spending time together, emotions grow. You discover how pleasant it feels

touching and caressing, this stirs your passions. After a little while, they feel

attracted to sexual relationships and start to think: "If we really love each other,

What's wrong with having sexual relationships? You know? There's nothing worse than the

disobedience. In fact, it was through disobedience that sin entered into our lives

in the garden of Eden. And it is not something simple to solve, but neither is it something

impossible to resign. God wants an obedient courtship, one in which, as already

I mentioned before, I glorified it. Have you ever wondered why it is not good that

Do you have sexual relations before marriage? There are many reasons not to.

You should have sexual relations before marriage. But all the reasons add up to one.

One thing: What you gain from having sexual relations before marriage is not worth it.

everything you lose, let's see some of those reasons:

It is a sin: There is no Hebrew or Greek word in the Bible that is

it precisely refers to sex before marriage. The Bible condemns

Is sex before marriage sexually immoral? According to 1 Corinthians.

7:2, 'yes' is the clear answer: 'but because of fornications, each one

each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

In the verse, Paul declares that marriage is the 'cure' for immorality.

sexual. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, due to

that people cannot control themselves and so many are having sex

immoral outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can

fulfill their passions in a moral way.

They ruin your chances of finding true love: Be careful

Be careful, your identity in Christ, your body, and your principles have value, for

So why are you going to sacrifice all that for a while? Do you love her? Does she love you?

If it is true love, it will know how to wait, if it is true love, it will not want to break.

The rules, if it is true love, would not do anything to hurt you or itself.

herself. Having sexual relations before marriage is a clear

demonstration of a false love.

They prevent you from receiving one day what God has prepared for you: Relationships

sexual acts are not just a physical act. In sexual relationships, you and

the other person becomes one single person. It's such an intimate experience that

a part of you remains forever with the other person and a part of that

the person stays with you. When you get married, you will realize that

you will never be able to give yourself 100% to your spouse. Why? Because you have
 giving part of yourself to another. Taking this lightly is not only foolish,

but rather shows a total ignorance of how God has made us.

Some practical advice

Don't look to be alone with your girlfriend, you’re not made of metal, you're going to get heated.

quick and there will be no turning back. Choose public places to be with her,

Privacy is dangerous.

Long kisses are dangerous! Remember that your relationship should

glorifying God, I don't think you are going to glorify Him by getting excited before

time.

Avoid caresses. You are not more of a man the more you touch her, everything you.

on the contrary, he proves to be different from the rest, being a gentleman and

respecting her. Even if she likes it, keep in mind that you are responsible for

your relationship and you will be accountable to God for that.

I know that sexting is in fashion, but you are a child of God and she is too. You

Integrity also depends on what you do on your social media.

Set boundaries and start that conversation yourself first. You already saw that the

Dating is for you to walk towards maturity together, don't expect her to.

take the initiative.

Don't be fooled by Hollywood or your friends, sexual purity is something

What God supports, do not disappoint Him by following the trend.

When you closely observe everything that God wants in your life, there will be no

no doubt that everything is very good. Dating is a stage

wonderful, because as we saw it helps us grow, it helps us see the person with

value and respect. Society has painted many ideal scenarios for us, in which the

The young man does not please God, but rather, himself. Along with so much bombardment from the networks.

social, the new era and everything that is coming to label the Christian, we have a great

task, let’s stand out from the crowd! Not being like them is what God commands us (1 John 2:15) and

Honestly, there are many who are failing, but others who are rising up.

rejecting everything that society offers, everything that they told you a young person should be.

The challenge is that, not to be like them, to appropriate biblical truths regarding

relationships, to then have a blessed marriage, one in which we continue

glorifying God, and one in which others find a worthy example to imitate.

Now then, we know that God arranges all things for the good of those who love Him.

man, those who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28.