INTRODUCTION This is true in homosexual as well as heterosexual relationships.
Actually, the gay and lesbian community is acutely aware that sexual polarity is
independent of gender. But you still need two poles for a passionate play of sexuality to
persist in a relationship: masculine and feminine, top and bottom, butch and femme—
whatever you want to call these reciprocal poles of sexual play. It is up to you: you can
have a loving friendship between two similars, but you need a more masculine and a
more feminine partner in the moments when you want strong sexual polarity. It doesn't
matter if both partners are men or both are women. It doesn't matter if, in a
heterosexual relationship, the man plays the feminine pole and the woman plays the
masculine pole. It doesn't matter if you change every day who plays the masculine pole
and who plays the feminine pole. For sexual polarity, you need an energetic polarity, an
attractive difference between masculine and feminine. You don't need this difference
for love, but you do need it for ongoing sexual passion. For some people who have what I
call a more balanced sexual essence, sexual polarity doesn't really matter. They don't
really want much passion in intimacy. They don't want a loving tussle full of sexual
inspiration and innuendo. They would rather have a civilized friendship full of love and
human sharing without the passionate ups and downs. And for these people, this book
will be irrelevant, possibly even offensive. This book is written specifically for people
who have a more masculine sexual essence, and their lovers, who will have a more
feminine sexual essence since you always attract your sexual reciprocal. These people
can't help but be attracted into relationships based on difference, for better or for
worse. Your sexual essence is your sexual core. If you have a more masculine sexual
essence, you would, of course, enjoy staying home and playing with the kids, but, deep
down, you are driven by a sense of mission. You may not know your mission, but unless
you discover this deep purpose and live it fully, your life will feel empty at its core, even if
your intimate relationship and family life are full of love. If you have a more feminine
sexual essence, your professional life may be incredibly successful, but your core won't
be fulfilled unless love is flowing fully in your family or intimate life. The "mission" or the
search for freedom is the priority of the masculine, whereas the search for love is the
priority of the feminine. This is why people with masculine essences would rather watch
a football game or boxing match on TV than a love story. Sports are all about achieving
freedom, such as by breaking free of your opponent'stackle or barrage of punches, and
about succeeding at your mission, by carrying the ball into the end zone or remaining
standing after 10 rounds. For the masculine, mission, competition, and putting it all on
the line (indeed, facing death), are all forms of ecstasy. Witness the masculine
popularity of war stories, dangerous heroism, and sports playoffs. But, for the feminine,
the search for love touches the core. Whether on soap operas, in love stories, or talking
with friends about relationships, the desire for love is what appears in feminine forms of
entertainment. The feminine wants to be filled with love, and if the bliss of real love is
not forthcoming, chocolate and ice cream—or a good romantic drama—will do. The
masculine wants to feel the bliss of a life lived at the edge, and if he doesn't have the
balls to do it himself, he'll watch it on TV, in sporting events and cop shows. Even happy
and fulfilled men and women find it enjoyable to watch sports and eat ice cream,
