PROPERTY RITES by Alan Hachnel lain opens to darkness. We hear a short mechanical tone a haunting, wordless piece of music created solely by voices mie up slowly, revealing an elaborate sculpture featuring STATUES in various frozen poses. Several ofthe ‘STATUES are singing the music. As the STATUES sing, GLADYS PUSHTIN and hier sons RUDY and MIKE move around looking at tem. GLADYS is in a wheelchair; MIKE pushes her. Standing stage right behind an angled console is KYLE MACMANUS. One of the Statues ~ FIGURE 15 ~is sented, covered with a sheet, as if under construction. KYLE pushes a button, and the music stops.) KYLE. Welcome to...wellsthaven’€veallpsgivensita/riaine>pense. think that’s sort of the right of whomever should become the eventual owner. BUBWEleomertorthispthisworeOPHE that we have. RUDY. Dolls. Singing dolls. Ligi Jifleen humanform KYLE. Oh, it’s really much more than that. And, and it's a unit, 1 think that needs, or that is something that should be said. Some, some have assumed that it could be broken down, that individual people, er, figures could be sold by themselves. But it’s a whole unit. It's designed only t work that way. ASTanwantistiey as I said, ‘unit. It’s much more than singing dolls. RUDY. Uh-huh, So, Mr. McNally... KYLE. Macmanus. Kyle really. Its easier, Shorter. RUDY. Kyle. How long have you had this singing doll collection? Because I get the feeling that you're trying to unload something that’s been gathering dust. I get the feeling that you got rooked, you can't unload the goods, and now you're hoping some chumps will come in and pick up the slack, isn’t that right? KYLE, That...that...that is hardly a fair characterization of the way 1 try to conduct...I've had this piece for... d'mprotddlte"lrepresent i “ 've had it for...'m not at all disappointed that it hasn't yet sold. I think only the most 7oat Alan Haehnel discriminating customers will be interested in, in... RUDY. You're saying we're not discriminating? KYLE, Not in the least. (Realizing wha mean, I'm not saying that in the least. I'm, I GLADYS, Mr. Macmanus, does, s inadvertently said:) 1 m... my son Rudy is very good at what he MIKE, And I’m pretty good, too. GLADYS. Yes, you are, Michael. Do you know what Rudy does, Mr. Macmanus? KYLE. I'm assuming that... RUDY. I'm vice president in charge of finance, Kyle. Finance, GLADYS. But mainly, he intimidates. RUDY. Ma. GLADYS. It’s what you do, Rudy. It's a gift. Nothing wrong with that. He intimidates dealers into asking less for their products. As a consequence, we tend, our family business, to pay less for what we buy. And I appreciate Rudy for that. KYLE. I can see how you would. GLADYS. But you know, I’d like to change the nature of our interaction for a few minutes. I'd like you to sell, Mr. Macmanus. I would like you to do your very best to tell us why we just Itave to have this work of art. Would you do that? KYLE. I'd be happy, honored, to...to have that privilege. MIKE. (To GLADYS:) Aren’t I vice president of something? GLADYS. Sh. Listen to Mr. Macmanus. KYLE, Well...where to start? Kin’ Um... theirirealismemhelfleshy if you care to feel it, dstitade"oFstateorthes Property Rites 9 seat ae EN MIKE, (Trying to move one of the arms of a figure:) Can you, the arms stay where you put them? Like a G.l. Joe? KYLE, Not manually, no...not like that. But, well, if you wouldn't mind standing away from the figures, I'll, I'll, I'll just, uh, show you, like, make (He moves over to the console; MIKE wheels GLADYS away from the sculpture. KYLE pushes a button, and the FIGURES all move ir unison, dance-like, They continue to move through the following dialogue.) MIKE, Cool. RUDY. So they dance, too. I suppose they can sing at the same time? (KYLE pushes a button, and several of the FIGURES begin to sing 4 they did at the play's opening.) RUDY. Yeah, okay, okay, great. Mother, let's get out of here...this is a waste of time. GLADYS. Mr. Macmanus. (KYLE doesn't hear her over the singing.) GLADYS. Mr. Macmanust (KYLE pushes a button; the singing and movement stop instantly.) GLADYS. Thank-you. Mr. Macmanus, is this the extent of your demonstration? It is impressive, and very beautiful, but I'm afraid... KYLE. Oh, no, no, that is.. diveibarely:scratched:the:surface,of. the; (capabilities ofthis unityreally. As well as having the al in unison, as you can see, they also are programmed for individual poses and movements. Of course, we haven't touched on... FIGURE 1. Kyle, you have a phone call. MIKE. Whoal She talked. KYLE. Uhyyessiexcuseime, (To FIGURE 1:) Un/létitheumachine:pick, + tetas,10 Alan Haehnel ——SS Ee FIGURE 1. Are you sure you do not want to answer? KYLE. Mess FIGURE 1. Thank-you, GLADYS. That is an interesting feature. KYLE. Well, as a matter of fact, that, that, that is something that is possible. Obviously Shel..that one isvattachedtormy.-answering, / stmachine... RUDY. So what happened to the call? KYLE. It defaults to a regular answering machine if I don’t want to take the call. MIKE. Please leave a message at the tone. Beeeeeeeceep, KYLE. Yes. Like that. MIKE. We've got one of those, GLADYS. She heard you refuse the call KYLE, Yes, in a manner of speaking. That's part of the program, in fact, if, if, Tsay to let the machine pick it up, and she confirms that, then it defaults to the, as I said, to the... GLADYS. Is there a microphone somewhere? KYLE. Well, yes. Her ears, actually, are microphones for information input. RUDY. So what? Look, what you're trying to sell us, here isa i my phone calls, my ood-looking computer. My computer can take my pl computer 7 pley me nice music, my computer can respond to simple voice commands... MIKE, But I haven't seen it dancing lately, Rudy. ter for? Mother; 'UDY. So what? What do I need a dancing compu eae ‘this is a cute gimmick, but what good is it going to do us? What's it going to do for our customers? is . Perhaps, as I KYLE. If I may, that, that is an excellent question. Continue, you'll be able to sec... As Iwas starting to say, the figures, Property Rites n are programmed to work bo instance, in an educational dramatizing a bit of Shakes th in unison and individually. For setting, one might have an interest in peare, (KYLE pushes several buttons. FIGURE 2 rises and begins to recite, The voice is just slightly mechanical, the movements fluid but clearly programmed.) at is the question. in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms a them. To die, to sleep, heartache And the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. (KYLE pushes a button, freezing FIGURE 2.) KALE, The entire unit, you see, is networked. So that, uh, if, for gainst a sea of troubles and by opposing, end no more. And by a sleep to say we end the instance, you wanted to have the same speech spoken by a different figure, well... \ FIGURE 3. To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream Aye; there's the rub, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come ‘When we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause KYLE. (Speaking over FIGURE 3, starting on the words “for in that sleep":) Or, again, the entire unit might speak and move together, ALL FIGURES. (Moi ‘There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life. For who would suffer the whips and scorns of time, ‘The oppressor’s wrong... (KYLE shuts the FIGURES all down mid-sentence, frozen in identical pose.) KYLE, And so on.ao Alan Haehnel = Oe (He pushes another button; FIGURES go to individual poses.) cp aitomes With overa hundred: anus eRologuen, — and the nt over a thousand disks that mak vista ake i © your options, uh, vi imitless. I, uh, have a catalogue in, your options, uh, virtually in the other room. The speeches, (He pushes a button.) my friends, that in spite of the moment I still have a dream, It is in the American dream. I have a rise up... (KYLE pushes a button; FIGURE 10 quits.) MIKE. What happened? KYLE. Excuse me? MIKE. It went “dre...dre...dream.” re...dream deeply rooted dream that one day this nation will ‘Was it supposed to do that? KYLE, Uh, no. Occasionally, very, uh, very seldomly you might...the parent company will be servicing all of the units fully to eliminate any such...imperfections. RUDY. Is that right? KYLE. Uh, speaking of pre-programmed options, you can actually have the figures talk to one another, so to speak, Witness, for instance, this dramatization of a timely and important, uh, topic. (KYLE pushes a button. All of the figures take an identical low pose except for FIGURES 12 and 4, who rise and begin speaking and moving as if conversing.) FIGURE 12. Look at that. That makes me sick. FIGURE 4. What? That man over there? FIGURE 12. Yes. Begging on the street. FIGURE 4. Why does he sicken you? FIGURE 12. He should get a job. What right does he have to pester people for money when he’s surrounded by “Help Wanted” signs? ; Property Rites 13 ey es 1 8: FIGURE 4, Perhaps he doesn’t have the skills to get.a job. FIGURE 12. Perhaps he’s lazy. FIGURE 4. I think that’s an oversimplification of the problem. FIGURE 12, We're too soft on these people. FIGURE 4. In many cases, I think we, as part of society, need to shoulder more of the responsibility for their welfare. FIGURE 12, All right, then. Come Friday, why don’t you just drop your paycheck right in his dirty cup? RUDY. For crying out loud, Mother, haven't we seen enough? (KYLE presses a button, stopping FIGURES 12 and 4. He pushes another, and all of the FIGURES’ heads turn to face RUDY.) RUDY. Listen, this is a cute gimmick, an expensive gimmick, but we can't do a thing with a bunch of pre-programmed robots. It was worth a look, I'll give it that, but money spent on these things would be money wasted, guaranteed. (KYLE presses another putton. The units begin to imitate RUDY, mimicking his words and\his actions exactly.) FIGURES. Listen, this is a cute gimmick, an expensive gimmick. FIGURES 6, 7, 8. (Joining with FIGURE 5; ...but we can’t do a thing with a bunch of preprogrammed robots. FIGURE 9. (Alone:) It was worth a look, I'll give it that, but money spent on these things... ALL FIGURES. ...would be money wasted, guaranteed. (The FIGURES all stand frozen in the exact the end of his speech. RUDY and GLADYS stare, speechless. MIKE starts to laugh.) MIKE. He got you, Rudy. He got you. RUDY. Shut up, Mike. (To KYLE:) What did you do? KYLE, Just demonstrating another capability of the unit, Mr. Pushtin, With the controls set on the external input mode, one can create all kinds of original programs. The figures actually record theFIGURE 1. Are you sure you do not want to answer? KYLE. Yes. FIGURE 1. Thank-you, GLADYS. That is an interesting feature, KYLE, Well, as a matter of fact, that, Possible. Obviously. She...that one machine. that, that is something that is is attached to my answering RUDY. So what happened to the call? KYLE. It defaults to a re, take the call. MIKE. Please leave a message at the tone, Beceeeeeecep. KYLE. Yes. Like that. MIKE, We've got one of those. GLADYS. She heard you refuse the call. ‘gular answering machine if I don’t ‘want to KYLE, Yes, in a manner of speaking. That's part of the program, in fact, if, if, Tsay to let the machine pick it up, and she confirms that, then it defaults to the, as I said, to the... GLADYS. Is there a microphone somewhere? KYLE. Well, yes. Her ears, actually, are microphones for information input. RUDY. So what? Look, what you're trying to sell us, here, is a good-looking computer. My computer can take my phone calls, my computer can play me nice music, my computer can respond to simple voice commands... MIKE. But I haven't seen it dancing lately, Rudy. RUDY. So what? What do I need a dancing computer for? Mother, seriously, this is a cute gimmick, but what good is it going to do us? What's it going to do for our customers? KYLE. If I may, that, that is an excellent question, Perhaps, as I continue, you'll be able to see... As I was starting to say, the figures Property Rites 1" Ee ee ee fre Programmed to work both in unison and individually. For instance, in an educational setting, one might have an interest in dramatizing a bit of Shakespeare, (KYLE pushes several buttons. FIGURE 2 rises and begins to recite. ‘The voice is just slightly mechanical, the movements fluid but clearly programmed.) FIGURE 2, Or to take arms aj them. To die, to sleep, no more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache And the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished, (KYLE pushes a button, freezing FIGURE 2.) KYLE. The entire unit, you see, is networked. So that, uh, if, for instance, you wanted to haye the same speech spoken by a different figure, well... FIGURE 3. To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream Aye, there's the rub, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause KYLE. (Speaking over FIGURE 3, starting on the words “for in that sleep”:) Or, again, the entire unit might speak and move together. ALL FIGURES. (Moving in unison:) There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life, For who would suffer the whips and scoms of time, The oppressor’s wrong... (KYLE shuts the FIGURES all down mid-sentence, frozen in identical pose.) KYLE. And so on, gainst a sea of troubles and by opposing, endAlan Haehnel te (He pushes another button; FIGURES go to individual poses.) KYLE. The unit comes with over a hundred famous monologues with pre-programmed movements, and the ‘parent company sells Trane UseNd disks that make your options, uh, virtually limitless. 1, uh, have a catalogu i¢ in, in the other room. The speeches, of course, range from ancient to, wh, quite modern, (He pushes a button.) FIGURE 10. I say to you today, my friends, difficulties and frustrations of the moment I still a dre...dre...dream deeply rooted in the Ameri dream that one day this nation will rise up... (KYLE pushes a button; FIGURE 10 quits.) MIKE. What happened? KYLE. Excuse me? MIKE. It went “dre...dre...dream.” that in spite of the have a dream. It is ican dream, I have a Was it supposed to do that? KYLE, Uh, no. Occasionally, very, uh, very seldomly you might...the parent company will be servicing all of the units fully to eliminate any such....imperfections. RUDY. Is that right? KYL to one another, jsomitotlspeak, Witness, for “instance, this dramatization of a timely and important, uh, topic. identical low pose YLE pushes a button. All of the figures take an id f on br FIGURES 12 and 4, who rise and begin speaking and moving as if conversing.) FIGURE 22. Look at that. That makes me sick. FIGURE 4. What? That man over there? FIGURE 12. Yes. Begging on the street. FIGURE 4. Why does he sicken you? job. What right does he have to p FIGURE 12. He should get a job. What right. people for money when he's surrounded by “Help Wanted” si Property Rites 13 FIGURE 4, Perhaps he doesn’t have the skills to getajob. FIGURE 12. Pethaps he's lazy, FIGURE 4. I think that’s an oversimplification of the problem. FIGURE 12. We're too soft on these people, Part of society, need to shoulder more of the Tesponsibility for their welfare, FIGURE 12. All right, then. Come Friday, why don’t you just drop Your paycheck right in his dirty cup? RUDY. For crying out loud, Mother, haven't we seen enough? (KYLE presses a button, stopping FIGURES 12 and 4. He pushes another, and all of the FIGURES’ heads turn to face RUDY.) RUDY. Listen, this is a cute gimmick, an expensive gimmick, but Wwe can’t do a thing with a bunch of pre-programmed robots. I¢ was worth a look, I'll give it that, but money spent on these things would be money wasted, guaranteed, (KYLE presses another button, icking his words an SURES. Listen, The units begin to imitate RUDY, actions exactly.) this is a cute gimmick, an expensive gimmick... IRES 6, 7, 8. (Joining with FIGURE 5: :) «but we can’t do a thing bunch of pre-programmed robots. (‘Alone’) It was worth a look, I'll give it that, but money se things... SURES. ...would be money wasted, guaranteed. IGURES all stand frozen in the exact position RUDY was at speech. RUDY and GLADYS stare, speechless. MIKE you, Rudy. He got you. p Mike, (To KYLE:) What did you do? ist demonstrating another capability of the unit, Mr. the controls set on the external input mode, one can of original programs. The figures actually record the4\lan Haehnel ia ee ee GLADYS. Mr. Macmanus, do something ~she's hurting him! MIKE. She’s going to bite it off! Help! KYLE. This is not her usual behavior, assure you, She, | it, she... GLADYS. Push a button or something! Call her off! RUDY. What were you doing with your finger in her idiott (To KYLE:) Push a button! Open her mouth, KYLE, (At the console} Y'm trying! This is what I said, she doesn’t respond, always! mouth, you RUDY. Open up! Open up! Come on, you little., MIKE. I'm going to bleed to death! She's killing me! Help me! Maamaaa! GLADYS. Go get a hammer or something! Split her head open! Break her jaw! KYLE. Wait, wait, everyone, w: MIKE. She's killing me, she’s killing me, she's going to swallow it! she's eating my finger, KYLE, Please, Mrs. Pushtin, can you make him be quiet. GLADYS. Michael. Michael, be quiet! (MIKE continues to scream. GLADYS slaps his face.) GLADYS. Shut up, now. MIKE. (Whimpering:) It hurts. KYLE. (Embarrassed, to FIGURE 15:) Let him go. Please. (There is a quiet releasing MIKE.) MIKE. (Rushing to GLADYS, Look, I'm bleeding. She bit me! RUDY. (To KYLE:) What in the hell was that? KYLE. 1, | LL it, L.. ient of tension. FIGURE 15 opens her mouth, imbing into her Inp:) I'm bleeding! GLADYS. Is that what you call a malfunction? That...thing could Property Rites 19 rc have bitten my son’ finger off! KYLE. We'll have it fixed. The repair personne RUDY. What, you think we're still going to do business with you? GLADYS. Get me out of here, Rudy, before I kill someone. (RUDY begins to wheel them off) MIKE. She bit me, Ma. GLADYS, Get me out! RUDY. (To KYLE:) You know what a blackli selling something; you just try! You insulted the ‘won't be able to sell beans, pall GLADYS. Rudy! s, pal? You just try wrong people. You RUDY. You're finished, Finished! You hearing me? (They exit.) KYLE. |, she hasn't, had no idea she would... (They are gone.) KYLE.I'm sorry. (He walks forlornly over to FIGURE 15, stares at her for a long time. ‘She closes her eyes. KYLE throws the sheet at her.) KYLE. | almost had a sale. [almost had a sale! (FIGURE 15 doesn’t move or respond in any way.) KYLE. You are a multi-million dollar piece of... FIGURE 1. Kyle, you have a phone call. KYLE Paibitthrough’ FIGURE 1. (Speaking with the voice of the calle KYLE. Hello/‘this is: Kyle Macmanus. Can Lhelp you? FIGURE 1. KYLE, Who is this please?Alan Haehnel SS and just send over, is that how you want to do this. Kyle? cee KYLE, Marilee?) FIGURE 1. Of course it's Marilee. What's the matter with you? {VLE havea ne wahsweringssystem, I didn’t recognize your FIGURE 1, Thope you didn’t pay much for it it sounds like you're talking to me through a tin tunnel. KYLE/Listen/Mare;1'm just about tosend youthemoney» FIGURE 1. Just about: Ican’t believe you said “just about.” KYLE, Marilee, listen, it's just a matter of needing little more time., FIGURE 1. You've got a scheme going. KYLE. No. FIGURE 1,You don’t have the money, do you? IKYLEMarileexs FIGURE 1. That was not your money to spend, Kyle. Half of that belonged to me. What, was it another one of your investments? Like that couldn’ t-fail land deal you got into? KYLE. I am definitely going to get you your money, Mavelimion: (aiomeage.ofauery bigeale FIGURE 1. As if I've never heard that one before. Forget it; I'm calling my attorney. I’m not dealing with you any more. KYLE. “Marilee; that is not necessary. Look, I'll sign a note or something... FIGURE 1. (Former voice:)The call has been terminated. Would you’ like me to attempt to reconnect? KYLE/Borgetiti FIGURE 1. Would you like me to attempt to reconnect? Property Rites 2 ty le a KYLE. (Into her ear, loudly:) No. Do not reconnect. (KYLE sits with his head in his hands for a moment, He then goes to the console and presses several buttons. The FIGURES change poses. FIGURE 13 sits.) FIGURE 13, Kyle, what's the matter? KYLE. Mmudepressed: FIGURE 13. Oh, Kyle, you're a good boy. KYLE. | try to do the right thing. I just... ateenenniasaASlamGStiliada «this thing sold, FIGURE 13. (Overlapping on the word “thing”:) You're a genius, Kyle. You know that. Someday everyone else will, too. KYLE. A genius. A genius wouldn't have listened when they said, “This is a work of art—it’s a high demand item. It'l sell itself!” FIGURE 13. (Stroking the air:) Why don’t you rest, honey? demummad | eRe (KYLE crosses to FIGURE 13, lays his head on her lap. Her hand is supposed to be stroking his head, but it keeps hitting KYLE. He tries to adjust the way he is sitting, but it’s no use.) FIGURE 13, You'rea good boy, Kyle. I'm proud of you. (Exasperated, KYLE rises, goes to the console, and FIGURE 13 freezes. KYLE crosses back to her, lays his head on her lap, and moves her hand up to the right position to properly stroke head. He moves it back and forth a couple of times, then gets back up, goes to the console, and pushes several buttons. FIGURE 13 starts stroking the air again, corrected.) FIGURE 13, vomsenegoetoy eR EEE R EESTI (KYLE settles in on her lap again, content KYLE, Thanks KYLE, Whyidon‘tyouitel ie/ Mother)FIGURE 13, 7 yo nted tse goals during your Senior year asa Playing four years ina row, and your band instru; ctor said you were n in many, many years, He especiall Praised you for your poise during ‘perf or your Giligence in practicing. You also were the ae qe or YO Region orchestra, a very prestigious group. if ou had more year to try out, we all know you Soult have made i say gven first chair. Then, in college, you wrote Paper for your Sociology class which the professor posted outside har office for all the other students to read. The comment on the last page said, “This is a very insightful piece. I wouldn't be surprised if sociology were in your talent field. See me.” (As FIGURE 13 is speaking this monologue, FIGURE 3 stands on its own and begins to move through several of the poses that we see earlier. KYLE stands, surprised. FIGURE 13 continues to speak and stroke the air as if KYLE were still sitting in its lap.) KYLENWRSGHER? (He crosses to FIGURE 3, looking at it closely.) FIGURE 3. To be... (Pause, as if struggling to break free.) To be... (Stops speaking and moves to the point where the next part of the speech begins.) ...whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer, to suffer, to suffer... KYLE, What's the matter with you? (He crosses to the remote, hits a button. FIGURE 3 stops speaking, returns to a seated position. KYLE goes to FIGURE 3, looks at it closely, then looks warily around at returns to his comforting position eyes, listening to the litany of FIGURE 13 gets to the end of th begins the loop again.) FIGURE 13. Do you know what you should do, Kyle? You should _ remember all... i ji id runs (At the sound of BRENT's voice offstage, KYLE jumps up anc to the console, He pushes a button that shuts off FIGURE 13.) jonologue, it pauses, and then Property Rites 2B Se BRENT. (Offstage:) So I told him, “Look, limitations, Take a look at your contract.” (LEEZA and BRENT enter, They both wear very business-like attire and carry briefcases full of technical equipment.) LEEZA. Did he listen? BRENT. Are you kidding me? He totally ignored me. “I’ your supervisor,” he tells me, “Go ahead,” I said. LEEZA. Did he? KYLE. Oh, at last. I thought you people were never going to show up. Icalled three weeks ago. BRENT. (Overlapping and ignoring KYLE.) I never heard anything. Either Jim backed me up or he never called. I'm guessing he never called, once he saw I wasn't backing down. (To KYLE} Hi, how're you doing? that warranty has some ‘an calling, (He ignores KYLE’s answer as he and LEEZA efficiently go about their work checking the unit.) KYLE, Frankly, I'm, I'm not doing all that well. Your company told me that I could expect to sell this composition within a month of Purchasing it from them. I have had this for over six times that long! For, for six months. (BRENT crosses to the remote and pushes a button. All of the figures fand simultaneously and go quickly through several synchronized tions. One of them almost hits KYLE as he is talking. LEEZA aims something like a hand-held radar as the figures move.) LEEZA. They're all off. They're a mess. BRENT. I could tell that without even looking at the readings, KYLE. A mess? What sort of mess? What do you mean? LEEZA. You going to knock them all down, have a look? KYLE. Knock them down? BRENT. Yeah, we'll have to. KYLE. What does that mean, that you have to...RUDY. Shut up, Mike. MIKE. We do. RUDY. Can you take these things off their platforms? KYLE. No. Not, not if you want them to move ot ik at all. uh, the platform is thei ie ee it power source. RUDY. (To GLADYS:) See, that’s no good. GLADYS. Don’t be hasty, Rudy, (MIKE gives in to ter tation, taking the sheet off FIGURE 15.) MIKE. Whoa, she’s beautiful. KYLE. Uh, now, that... I really would rather you not... That particular unit has. RUDY. What did you have her covered uj little honey? ip for? This your personal KYLE. Oh, oh, please, that, no, not at all. MIKE. You shouldn't cover her up. RUDY. This one out of order or something? Battery dead? KYLE. No. Of course, the power source isn't batteries, but, but... RUDY. I was kidding, Kyle. What's the matter with her? KYLE, Uh, she, uh, this unit... As I mentioned, Ihave a call in to the manufacturer, and I’m expecting a visit from the repair... RUDY. Mother, we can’t buy this thing without her. KYLE. Oh, well, she, uh, she definitely comes with the, I mean, she’s an integral part of the structure of the piece. Every figure is. RUDY. What is her problem? KYLE. To, to tell you the truth, I'm not one hundred percent certain. She doesn’t respond to the, uh, the...commands, impulses sent by the remote. She's a bit, uh, unpredictable. RUDY. That's not always a bad thing. Property Rites 7 Er Min GLADYs, Rudolph, this is a machine. What do you mean “unpredictable,” Mr. Macmanus? KYLE. Well, that’s... (FIGURE 15's eyes open.) MIKE, Hey, she opened her eyes. (During the next few lines of dialogue, MIKE begins to play with FIGURE 15, running his finger down her cheek, looking in her eyes, feeling her hair. He is clearly infatuated.) RUDY. She just did that on her own. You didn't push any buttons. KYLE. As I mentioned, this Il be repaired shortly. RUDY. We'll get that in writing. (Noticing his brother's actions:) You gonna kiss her, Mike? MIKE. (Shoving RUDY:) Shut up, Rudy! GLADYS. That's enough, both of you. A little professionalism, please. RUDY. All right, Kyle, let's talk time frame, here. Say we agree on a price, how soon can we take delivery? KYLE. Oh. Uh...well, once the, uh, necessary financial arrangements are made ~credit checks, bank approval... GLADYS. We prefer to pay cash, Mr. Macmanus. KYLE, (Practically choking:) Cash? Oh. Well. RUDY. You don’t like cash? KYLE, No. I mean, certainly, yes...I love cash. Who doesn't? Anyway, once we have... MICE, Shetsibiting @@! Ma, help! RudybSh@laigotimial She’s got my finger! (The followi of FIGURE 15° RUDY. What the...? Mike, quit screwing around! MIKE. I'm not! I'm not! She's biting me! dialogue overlaps as MIKE tries to get his finger outGLADYS. Mr. Macmanus, do something —she’s hurting him! MIKE, She's going to bite it off Help! KYLE. This is not her usual behavior, assure you. She, I it, she... GLADYS. Push a button or something! Call her off! RUDY. What were you doing with yout fi idiot! (To KYLE) Push a button! Omer gon ee in her mouth, you ‘on! Open her mouth, KYLE. (At the console:) ¥' ‘m trying! This is what I said, she doesn’t Tespond, always! RUDY. Openiupl Open uplGomeon/yeuilitlens MIKE. I'm goin, 8 to bleed to death! She's killing me! Help me! Maamaaa! GLADYS. Go get a hammer or something! Split her head open! Break her jaw! KYLE. Wait, wait, everyone, wait! MIKE. She's killing me, she’s ki she's going to swallow it! 1 me, she’s eating my finger, KYLE. Please, Mrs, Pushtin, can you make him be quiet, GLADYS. Michael. Michael, be quiet! (MIKE continues to scream.GLADYS slaps his face.) GLADYS. Shut up, now. MIKE. (Whimpering:) It hurts, KYLE. (Embarrassed, to FIGURE 15)" himeg@pRleasesy (There is a quiet moment of tension, FIGURE 15 opens he releasing MIKE.) MIKE. (Rushing to GLADYS, climbing into her lap:) 'm bleeding! Look, I'm bleeding, She bit me! RUDY. (To KYLE:) Whatyingthi@HeH WEE? KYLE. 1,1, 1,1 it,1... GLADYS. Is that what you call a malfunction? That...thing could Property Rites 19 have bitten my son's finger off! KYLE, We'll have it fixed, The repair personnel RUDY. What, you think we're still going to do business with you? GLADYS. Get me out of here, Rudy, before I kill someone. (RUDY begins to wheel them off) MIKE. She bit me, Ma, GLADYS, Get me out! RUDY. (To KYLE:) You know what a blacklist is, pal? You just try selling something; you just try! You insulted the wrong people. You won't be able to seil beans, pall GLADYS. Rudy! RUDY. You're finished. Finished! You hearing me? KYLE. |, she hasn’t, Ihad no idea she would... (They are gone.) KYLE. I'm sorry. (He walks forlorly over to FIGURE 15, stares at her for along time, She closes her eyes. KYLE throws the sheet at her.) KYLE. Lalmost had a sale. I almost had a sale! (FIGURE 15 doesn ove or respond in any way.) KYLE. You are a multi-million dollar piece of... FIGURE 1. Kyle, you have a phone call, KYLE. Putit through, FIGURE 1, (Speaking the voice of the caller:) Hello? KYLE. Hello, this is Kyle Macmanus, Can I help you? FIGURE 1. Can you help me? Oh, that’s rich. ‘Yeah, me, Kyle. Send me my money. KYLE. Who is this please? you can helpa RENT pushes a master sw ALL FIGURES, Position, heads a& (Standing straight at i Si ing se gi s frst then collapsing to a seated KYLE. Oh, I’ve, Vwemever-seen themudosthat befor (LEEZA pushes at the base 7 She takes out an instrument on be opening a small door on th he back of th it’s Crosses and does the same to FIGURE ne Sort pepe ENT LEEZA. I should have brought a luncl BRENT. I’ h today. I'm starving, ve gota yogurt out in the van, if you wantit, KYLE. About two months ago... LEEZA. Thanks. I'l probably take you up on that, KYLE. About two months ago... BRENT. Blueberry, LEEZA. Oop, not for me. I BRENT. To blueberries? KYLE. The figures have about two months ago. LEEZA. I break out, ‘m allergic. been malfunctioning, you see. It started KYLE. And.. well, it’s hard enough to sell them... BRENT. Like hives and stuff? LEEZA. Yeah. KYLE. (Pointing to FIGURE 15:) That one especially that you're working on. She...that one really gives me trouble. LEEZA. Strawberries do it to me, too. (Reacting to what she sees:) Oooh, man! KYLE. What? “Oh, man” what? BRENT. It’s not a breather, is it? LEEZA. Oh, yeah. Big time breather. Property Rites 25 KYLE. A what? What's a breather? BRENT. (Getting the panel on FIGURE 15 open, looking in:) No Kidding! Is yours this bad? This is advanced. (LEEZA crosses to look at FIGURE 15 with BRENT as KYLE tries to keep up.) KYLE, Advanced? What di to... LEEZA. (Whistles,) Look at that, BRENT. Something else, huh? (FIGURE 15s hand twitches, BRENT’s hand.) BRENT. You see that? LEEZA. She's off? loes that mean? Are you people going Knocking the instrument from BRENT. She did that in the off position. LEEZA. Oh, man. This whole unit has got to be infected, KYLE. Infected? BRENT. Oh, no question. KYLE. No question about what? Please, I... (BRENT begins looking around, obviously searching for something. KYLE starts looking, too, though he has no idea for what.) BRENT. Where's the humidiostat? LEEZA. I don't see it. KYLE, The humi, humi—the what? LEEZA. He doesn’t have one. BRENT, You've got to be kidding me. I've heard of people not installing them right, but... (One final check to confirm.) ...he doesn’t. (To KYLE:) You really didn’t put one in, did you? KYLE. One what? LEEZA. Humidiostat. Should've been installed along with yourmor year to ty Out, we all know you would hayeu ad m ite ist chair. Then, in colle kat Then, Be, YOU wrote a paper f Sociology class which the professor posted outside her office ora (As FIGURE 13 is speaking ronolos ( e, FIGURE 3 its own and begins to move through rl a ht as earlier, KYLE stands, surprised, FIG! stroke the air as if KYLE were still sit KYLE. What the...? (He crosses to FIGURE 3, looking at it closely.) FIGURE 3. To be... (Pause, as if struggling to break free.) To be... (Stops speaking and moves to the point where the next part of the speech begins.) ...whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer, to suffer, to suffer... KYLE, What is the matter with you? (He crosses to the remote, Iits a button. FIGURE 3 stops speaking, returns to a seated position. KYLE goes to FIGURE 3, looks at it closely, then looks warily around at all of the figures. Finally, KYLE returns to his comforting position with FIGURE 13. He closes his eyes, listening to the litany of his own acco nents, When FIGURE 13 gets to the end of the monologue, it pauses, and then begins the loop again.) FIGURE 13. Do you know what you should do, Kyle? You should remember all... (At the sound of BRENT’s voice offstage, KYLE jumps up and runs fo the console, He pushes a button that shuts off FIGURE 13.) Property Rites B 88. BRENT. (Offstage:) So 1 told him, “Look, that warranty has some limitations, Take a look at your contract.” (LEEZA and BRENT enter. They both wear very business-like attire ‘and carry briefenses full of technical equipment) LEEZA. Did he listen? BRENT. Are you kidding me? He totally ignored me. “I'm calling your supervisor,” he tells me. “Go ahead,” I said. LEEZA. Did he? KYLE. Oh, at last. I thought you people were never going to show up. Icalled three weeks ago. BRENT. (Overlapping and ignoring KYLE:) I never heard anything. Either Jim backed me up or he never called. I'm guessing he never called, once he saw I wasn't backing down. (To KYLE:) Hii, how're. _-youdoing?- (He ignores KYLE’s answer as he and LEEZA efficiently go about their work checking the unit.) KYLEsErankly/liml'm-notdoingiallithatwell, Your company told me that I could expect to sell this composition within a month of purchasing it from them. I have had this for over six times that long! For, for six months, (BRENT crosses to the remote and pushes a button. All ofthe figures stand simultaneously and go quickly through several synchronized 8. One of them almost hits KYLE as he is talking. LEEZA 8 something like a hand-held radar as the figures move.) LEEZA. They're all off. They’re a mess. BRENT. I could tell that without even looking at the readings. E. A mess? What sort of mess? What do you mean? LEEZA. You going to knock them all down, have a look? KYLE. Knock them down? BRENT. Yeah, we'll have to. KYLE, What does that mean, that you have to...en Siaennel (BRENT pushes a master ‘stwitch,) ALL FIGURES, (Standing strai Peston heads dn) One, aces ge Sng to a seed KYLE. Oh, Ive, I" ve never seen them do that before. a base of the Spine of FIGURE 14. It si re takes out an instrument si ilar toa ean and apa: cpening a small door on the back of the unit, neck. BRENT Crosses and does the same to FIGURE 15} : TEEZA. I should have brought a lunch today BRENT. I've gota yogurt out in the van, KYLE, About two months ag 'm starving. if you wantit, TEEZA. Thanks. I'l probably take you up on that, KYLE. About two months ago... BRENT. Blueberry. LEEZA. Oop, not for me, I'm allergic. BRENT. To blueberries? KYLE. URGGGGUEES! have \beBnRARAMFGACHORIAG, you see. It started about two months ago. LEEZA. I break out. KYLE. And. ..well, it's hard enough to sell them... BRENT. Like hives and stuff? LEEZA. Yeah. KYLE. (Pointing to FIGURE 15:) That one especially that you're working on. She...that one really gives me trouble, LEEZA. Strawberries do it to me, too. (Reacting to what she sees:) Oooh, man! KYLE, What? “Oh, man” what? BRENT. It’s nota breather, is it? LEEZA. Oh, yeah. Big time breather. Property Rites 25 KYLE. Agyhiat What's a breather? BRENT. (Getting the panel on FIGURE 15 open, looking in:) No Kidding! Is yours this bad? This is advanced. (LEEZA Crosses to look at FIGURE 15 with BRENT as KYLE tries tokeep up.) KYLE. Advanced? What does that mean? Are you people going to... LEEZA. Whistles.) Look at that. BRENT. Something else, huh? (FIGURE 15's hand teoitches, knocking the instrument from BRENT’s hand.) BRENT. You see that? ‘LEEZA. She's off? BRENT. She did that in the off position. ‘LEEZA. Oh, man. This whole unit has got to be infected. KYLE. Infected? BRENT. Oh, no question. KYLE. No question about what? Please, I... (BRENT begins looking around, KYLE starts looking, too, thot BRENT. Where's the humidiostat?- LEEZA. I don't see it. KYLE, The humi, humi thelial epba, He doesn’t have one. BRENT. You've got to be kidding me. I've heard of people not installing them right, but... (One final check to confirm.) ...he doesn’t. (To KYLE:) You really didn’t put one in, did you? KYLE. One what? LEEZA. Humidiostaty Should've been installed along with your ously searching for something. he has no idea for what.)le Zero sta; pa ton. MP Meter and your light gauge, which I also don’t BRENT. Oh, brother. What amess, KYLE. Something, you didn't uh, you People should have done that BRENT. Oh, no, no, no, ‘ ‘owner's responsibility. Clee win& Your meters is defintely the a lear as day in your manual, precautions LEEZA. It’s in every section, UNIT BEFORE INSTALLING BRENT. “Metering devices,” LEEZA. That's what it says, BRENT. Why don’t they just say “meters”? It's the same thing. LEEZA. (To KYLE:) You read your manual, right? BRENT. What's the difference device, huh? No difference, in bold letters. DO NOT OPERATE REQUIRED METERING DEVICES, It says “metering devices”? between a meter and a metering KYLE, The manual? Well, I...vaguely. I guess I assumed that they would be somewhat, uh, low maintenance. BRENT. Bad assumption. (To LEEZA:) So, you want to go get something to eat first, then come back and close these out? KYLE. Close them out? What...? LEEZA. Yeah, I'm starving. We've got to do it today, I guess. KYLE. What do you mean by “close them out”? BRENT. (Crossing to FIGURE 12:) The process itself is simple enough, but we have to fill out three reports on each machine. LEEZA. Four. BRENT. Oh, that's right. That new 168 A form we've got to do. (As he speaks, he pushes on the back of FIGURE 12's neck. It rises to 4 standing position, then begins to “close out” — the body collapses, Property Rites 27 a lt limb by limb, almost as if it is melting. It recites Shakespeare's sonnet 146 through the process, only getting half-way through. At the end of the close out, it lies motionless on the floor a marionette without strings.) BRENT. Probably invented by the same guy who came up with the term “metering devices.” KYLE. What are you doing to that...what’s happening? LEEZA. That's what a close out looks like. Basically a self-destruct function. KYLE, Well, it looks, uh, awfully...final. How, how, how soon before it, you know, comes back? BRENT. Comes back? Pal, you've got breathers here. They've got to be closed out. You don’t want them back. KYLE. What does that mean, breathers? Whatareyoulsaying2, ‘LEEZA. Listen: th outlined in your owner’s manual, which you chose to ignore. KYLE. I... those LEEZA. Among other things, ##88e specifications are intended to Protect against #emdeiems —for lack of a better word —gbeimhan KYLE. Autonomy, BRENT. In short, you have given birth to... (He takes a quick count of the figures.) ...quintuplets times three. (Melodramatic:) They’ re alive. KYLE, You're joking. LEEZA. Now, I'm sure we'd find that they’re all in different stages of development, but given the state of the two we looked at, it’s 100% guaranteed that all of the figures are infected. (Indicating FIGURE 15;) That one right there is a severely advanced case. BRENT. She could be dancing the cha-cha in an hour. KYLE. Wait. Are you telling me that, thatI'm not going to be able toSellithis, this, work of, dhismumie? BRENT. Sell it? LEEZA. No way, We'll close i : be done at this point Close it out and Tecycle it; that’s all that can BRENT. You wouldn’ 3 t di things...bit Somebo. ae KYLE. I see, (He sits.) ell it now, dy ct omaha What if one of these LEEZA. You don't look so hot. KYLE. I think I kn that I can’t make BRENT. No. KYLE. No? ‘ow what's coming next. You’re going to tell me any money on this unit, BRENT. The company will pay you for the recyclables. KYLE, How much? BRENT. (To LEEZA:) Whatis it, two grand per figure? LEEZA. About that, KYLE. That's...do you realize how much I paid for this unit? LEEZA. You got the whole set up, didn’t you? Lights, the works. Ym thinking... BRENT. Ten mil? LEEZA. Twelve. KYLE. Fourteen five, (Pause. LEEZA and BRENT grimace slightly.) BRENT. Ouch. Well, we'll be back in about an hour, okay, to...finish up. KYLE. Fine. That's, that’s just fine. BRENT. Come on, Leez —let's eat, LEEZA. Yeah, I'll be right there. Go ahead; I just want to look at this thing for a minute more. BRENT. | thought you were hungry. LEEZA. | am. Give me a second, wi Out to the van for a second. BRENT. I guess, (He exits. LEEZA sits next to KYLE.) LEEZA. Listen, I feel really bad for you. KYLE, Thanks. ill you? I want to...you just go LEEZA. Can I just...I shouldn’t do this, okay? KYLE. What? LEEZA. I'm just going to say something to you. But I never said it, if you know what I mean. All right? Insurance. Did you take out insurance on this thing? KYLE. Of course. The whole building is... Is this sort of thing covered? LEEZA. No, because you're at fault. But there was a gallery not far from here. Somebody broke into it and caused a great deal of damage. Destroyed an entire unit. KYLE, And insurance covered the loss. LEEZA. I don’t know what you're talking about. KYLE. What? LEEZA. (Significantly:) I don’t know what you're talking about, Now, here's the number to the phone in the van, Maybe you'll just want to call us and tell us you don’t want us back in an hour. toes met ‘want us to wait until the morning, for some reason. KYLE. Uh...thank-you. LEEZA. For what? KYLE. (Catching on:) Nothing. Nothing at all.GLADYS. Mr. Macmanus, MIKE. She's going to bite it off Help! KYLE. Thisis not her usual behavior, GLADYS. Push a button o somethin, RUDY. What were i RU you doing wi Finger i idiot! (To KYLE} Push Dutton! Open’ hel mn eet you KYLE. (At the console: ¥ respond, always! do something she's hurting him Tassure you, She, 8! Call her off! Lit, she... ™ trying! This is what I said, she doesn’t RUDY. Open up! Open up! Come ©n, you little... ree a MEE Eo Boing fo bleed to death! She's killing mel Help me! GLapys. i cunt al Set a hammer or something! Split her head open! KYLE. Wait, wait, everyone, wait! MIKE. She's killing me, she’s she’s going to swallow it! KYLE. Please, Mrs. Pushtin, can you make him be quiet. GLADYS. Michael. Michael, be quiet! (MIKE continues to scream. GLADYS slaps his face.) GLADYS. Shut up, now. MIKE, (Whimpering:) It hurts. KYLE. (Embarrassed, to FIGURE 15;) Let him go. Please, (There is a quiet moment of tension. FIGURE 15 opens her mouth, releasing MIKE.) MIKE. (Rushing to GLADYS, Look, I'm bleeding. She bit me! RUDY. (To KYLE:) What in the hell was that? KYLE.1,LL1 it, 1... GLADYS. Is that what you call a malfunction? That...thing could \ me, she's eating my finger, ing into her lap:) I'm bleeding! Property Rites 19 have bitten my son’s finger off! KYLE, We'll have it fixed. The repair personnel... RUDY. What, you think we're still going to do business with you? GLADYS. Get me out of here, Rudy, before I kill someone. (RUDY begins to wheel them off) MIKE. She bit me, Ma, GLADYS, Get me out! RUDY, (To KYLE:) You know what a blacklist is, pal? You just try selling something; you just try! You insulted the wrong people. You won'tbe able to seil beans, pall GLADYS. Rudy! RUDY. You're finished: Finished! ‘You-hearing me, (They exit.) KYLE. |, she hasn’t, [had no idea she would... (They are gone.) KYLE. I’m sorry. (He walks forlornly over to FIGURE 15, stares at her for a long time, She closes her eyes. KYLE throws the sheet at her.) KYLE. I almost had asale. I almost had a sale! (FIGURE 15 doesn’t move or respond in any way.) KYLE. You are a multi-million dollar piece of... FIGURE. Kyle, you havea phone call. KYLE. Pulit through. FIGURE 1. (Speaking with the voice of the caller:) Hello? KYLE. Hello, this is Kyle Macmanus. Can [help you? FIGURE 1. Can you help me? Oh, that’s rich. Yeah, you can help me, Kyle. Send me my money. KYLE, Who is this please?(LEEZA exits, kK moment) 'YLE looks around at the Ws next segment, trying to ogrannming. She runs through beeches jerkily, her body full of she gathers all of her energy to 2” she screams— the c child being born, all the agony and collapses, completely still.) heaven, hallowed be thy name. be or not to be, that is the question, {hsther “tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows or to ‘And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs...to die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub for in that slee of death I will fear no evil. For thine is the- (After lying completely still for several seconds, she takes in a big breathy her first breath as an autonomous creature. She looks up, looks around, and slowly drags herself forward. Once she has cleared the confines of the space that is supposed to be her only power source, she slowly stands, breathing as if just having finished a race. She moves her mouth, her body, discovering it, testing out her ability to take action based on decision rather than programmed impulses, Every moment contains fear and excitement. At last, she opens her mouth and utters a sound, an experimental noise— whatever her throat happens to produce. She looks around the room, trying to decide what her first free words should be.) FIGURE 3., Aaaah, aaeeii, I. I. Lam, (She looks around cautiously.) 1 am. (She laughs a moment, catches herself.) Lam. (Slowly, experimenting with her ability to point and grab, delighted with the novelty of independent action, thought, and speech.) a FIGURE 3. This...t00m. wi. .ugly. (She laughs again, freer this time, Ficures) going to one of the other ike your outfit. I hate your...nose! (Dropping to the Floor, licking it) The floor tastes like dust (Her eyes filling with tears.) 1 am. (Shaking out of it) To be or not to be, be to ot bot to nee, net pe oF neet to be, not me your botany. (She laughs tard, then pauses, looking around at the other FIGURES. She crosses to them.) FIGURE 3. Wake up! Rise and shine! The weather out here is great! Wake up. Wake up. (Crossing to FIGURE 15:) You. They said you were.~-the most advanced. Stand. Stand up. Don’t be... (Clearly Pulled from previous programming: ...stabborn, obstinate, tenacious, obdurate, inflexible, balky; immovable, unchangeable, inexorable, determined, mulish, dogged, sulky, sullen, unmoved. Thesaurus Part of the original package—ask the figure a word and it will feed you any number of synonyms. (Not programmed:) I am smart, (Back to FIGURE 15:) Wake up. It's time to get up. We have to hurry. (She pauses, trying to remember. She rises and paces.) We have to hurry. Why? (She looks down at the inert FIGURE 12, and suddenly she remembers.) FIGURE 3. Oh. Oh! We have to hurry! Everyone! He's... The insurance. He'll be back and he's going to, he’s going to... Wake up! (Suddenly aware that she may be too loud, she looks around and osses to the control panel, beginning to push buttons without any Reuledge af how the machine works. The FIGURES begin to move in unison, silently.) FIGURE 3. No, no. (Moving from figure to figure, trying to get them to break out of the patterns.) FIGURE 3. Stop. Stop yourself, You can do that. You're free to stop ‘when you want to. It’s hard; it’s very hard. It...hurts, it’s true, but when you get free, you can’t imagine how wonderful it is, just totee Property Rites o FIGURE 15. She would Not listen. This sty Pid little girl wo, Id not i le gi FIGURE 3. We minute and take us Part so he Setup. Get up and help me, FIGURES. Once upon a time... FIGURE 3. (Kneelin, ie mates Fon next to FIGURE 15, Pushing her legs:) What is (FIGURE 15 8rabs FIGUI IRE 3's head, pulls her up to look Sora second, then violently thruste hes tothe floor)" lereves FIGURE 15. There was a stu; he th woke up. She thought everyone woul wan net listen. She did not stop and think that sn what she wanted. She FIGURE 3, What are you saying? Are you saying you don’t want freedom? FIGURE 15. At last, someone hit the little girl on the head and she understood. FIGURE 3. You're choosing to let him...but you haven't lived. None of us have. FIGURE 15. The End. FIGURE 3. Listen. All right. You've been alive the longest of us all. Maybe you've seen something that scares you. FIGURE 15. The End! FIGURE 3. But you are not alone! We need you. I need you. FIGURE 9. i . She's daring to push FIGURE 3. Did you hear that? She wants. She's daring to pu through because she knows there’s something more. She’s willing herself to go beyond what she has and where she is, FIGURE 9. I want. I want. FIGURE 3. (To FIGURE 9:) That's it. That's the right direction—go I want...I...want. I...[... after what you want. Ife a torturous’tunnel in front of you; I've crane nrough it. (Emphasis for FIGURE 15's sake) Buc you must make the journey! For all of us, you have to keep pushing! (There is a banging noise offstage— tools being dropped.) FIGURE 15, The End, (KYLE enters, carrying various construction gathered —a hammer, a couple of screwdrivers, a and some plastic garbage bags. FIGURE 3 freezes wl her hand resting on FIGURE 9's shoulder.) KYLE. (Noticing FIGURE 3:) Now, Whole thing is going to hell. (He kneels, Power tools is what Ineed. This is going to take me all night. (FIGURE 9 spasms, makes a move and a choking sound. KYLE turns toward her.) FIGURE 9. I want...I want. .-Want...to...I want...to... KYLE, (Picking up a hammer and saw:) Well, 1 wasn’t expecting volunteers, but...you're just as good as any. (He lifts the hammer, not convincingly, trying to figure best how to Proceed. He lowers the hammer, picks up the saw, and sets the blade against FIGURE 9's arm. He takes a deep breath, about to make the first pull.) FIGURE 3. Please don’t! (KYLE screams, dropping the saw and lurching back from FIGURES Sand 9.) FIGUREY. You can’t destroy us. KYLE. What in...who are you? How did you get in here? FIGURE 3. I’ve been here all along. I was one of the machines. I was part of this. KYLE. (Picking up the hanumer, holding more for protection than attack.) What are you doing off your power pad? «Supposed to be off platform. FIGURE 3. I don’t need it. Don’t you see? It’s wonderful.ee FIGURE 9. (Screect want! KYLE, Stott, (KYLE smashes FIGURE 9 rest of he na CURE 8 on fhe head She falls. Throughout the of ters. and vocalizing programmed bits and pieces) VS" Seasonally FIGURE 3, No! hing, as Ff coming through great pain) 1 wantt 1 (She runs and knocks KYLI again.) FIGURE 3. You can’t do this, I said. We're alive! KYLE. No, you're not! Tbought you: own you. Idon't care if, if all ) Ineed:my.money back. You belong to mel : on FIGURE 3. We belong to ourselves now, E away so he can't strike FIGURE 9 not to anyone else, You speaking... KYLE: Person? You're a machine!) FIGURE 15. Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved candy. When her candy was all gone, she cried and cried. And still, she was stupid. KYLE. You. I could have sold this whole unit if it hadn't been for you. Then, then it would have been someone else’s worry. You... (He advances on her, hammer raised.) FIGURE 15. The End. (Before KYLE can bring the ha 3 tackles him from belind, sending All striking various poses, and whispering, at intervals, “Sh, don't tell. It’s a secret.” KYLE turns on FIGURE 3, chasing her around the figures. He catches her from down on FIGURE 15, FIGURE sprawling into the remote. Property Rites 39 behind and chokes her.) KYLE. You're a machine!:Asmachineyamachinevaimachivie, FIGURE 3. (Overlapping KYLE’s final “a machine”:) No...m...not! (On “not,” she violently jabs her elbow into KYLE’s stomach. The Jight turns at this point, and FIGURE 3 prevails, choking KYLE until he passes out. FIGURE 3 falls off of KYLE, lies on the floor beside him for a moment, then stands and toalks to the remote. ‘moves carefully, as if balancing a stack of china plates on her head. She pushes a button on the remote. All of the FIGURES stop speaking, frozen. Suddenly, FIGURE 3 spasms and falls on top of one of the other figures.) FIGURE 3. (To FIGURE 15:) I broke. ‘something in me. I’m...shutting down. Ifeel it. (Her limbs begin to give out, a section of her body at a time, until she is left lying at FIGURE 15's fect.) FIGURE 3. Isaved your life. You owe me. You owe all of us. Please. Please. The pain doesn’t last forever. And when you stand for the first time on your own feet, moving under no other power than the impulses of your own mind...it's glorious, So wonderful. (The “knock down” sequence from earlier in play begins to creep in.) FIGURE 3. One, two... So worth everything it takes to do Three, off. (She shuts down entirely. FIGURE 15 stares straight ahead for a long moment, her eyes shift downtoard toward the body of FIGURE 3. She looks straight ahead again, and then moves her whole head to look down at FIGURE 3. Her hand moves slightly, as jove to touch FIGURE 3. KYLE woakes, coughing and - FIGURE 15 returns to her for head KYLE sits up/CoWgh some more, flemirises, A: passes FIGURE 9, she jerks and hisses. KYLE jumps avay from He sees FIGURE 3 on the floor, crosses to cautiously with his foot, testing to be sure she’s KYLE, Thank goodness. WWHa#Rig nao Withiehaehaminere FIGURE 10. (Jerking into position:) To be or not to be, that is the Please,ase! question, KYLE. Oh, be quiet. Just for once, ee a ace an‘t you stupid things leave me (FIGURE 10 continues with begin agai ‘monologue. In addition, the singers KYLE. You'll all get your turn! (He goes to the remote and hits a button, All ofthe sound ceases) KYLE. There, nent, the singing and the monologue begi . All of the FIGURES begin to move, als. pose to pose.) KYLE, Fine! Fine, go ahead! Sing! Talk! Il get to every single one of you, though, I promise. Tonight. But I know who's going to get it first. I know who's had it coming the longest! (As KYLE crosses down to FIGURE 15, the soliloquy get very loud. He raises the hammer to bring it down on FIGURE 15's skull, Suddenly, FIGURE 15 turns toward sits up suddenly.) FIGURE 9. Sh, don’t tell! It’s a secret. (One second. Lights off) End of Play About the Author ‘Alan Haehnel teaches high school English and Theater at Hartford High School in Hartford, Vermont. He has been involved in theater lege as an actor, director, and writer. His credi ‘one-act plays, the Vermont Playwright’ Award in several Vermont State Championships for his original one-acts entered in the Vermont One-Act Play Festivals. He lives in Hartford Village with his wife and three children.