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COUPLE STORIES
The Library of Couple and Family Psychoanalysis
Series Editors: Susanna Abse, Christopher Clulow, Brett Kahr, and
David E. Scharff

Other titles in the series:

Sex, Attachment, and Couple Psychotherapy: Psychoanalytic Perspectives
edited by Christopher Clulow
How Couple Relationships Shape Our World: Clinical Practice, Research, and
Policy Perspectives
edited by Andrew Balfour, Mary Morgan, and Christopher Vincent
What Makes Us Stay Together? Attachment and the Outcomes of Couple
Relationships
Rosetta Castellano, Patrizia Velotti, and Giulio Cesare Zavattini
Psychoanalytic Couple Therapy: Foundations of Theory and Practice
edited by David E. Scharff and Jill Savege Scharff
Family and Couple Psychoanalysis: A Global Perspective
edited by David E. Scharff and Elizabeth Palacios
Clinical Dialogues on Psychoanalysis with Families and Couples
edited by David E. Scharff and Monica Vorchheimer
 COUPLE STORIES

Application of Psychoanalytic
Ideas in Thinking about
Couple Interaction
edited by

Aleksandra Novakovic
and Marguerite Reid

From the Committee on Family and Couple Psychoanalysis of

the International Psychoanalytical Association
First published 2018
by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN

and by Routledge
711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017

Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business

Copyright © 2018 to Aleksandra Novakovic and Marguerite Reid for the

edited collection and to the individual authors for their contributions..

The rights of the contributors to be identified as the authors of this work

have been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright,
Design and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced

or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means,
now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording,
or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in
writing from the publishers.

Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or

registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation
without intent to infringe.

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

A catalog record has been requested for this book

ISBN: 9781782206088 (pbk)

Typeset in Palatino
by The Studio Publishing Services Ltd
[Link]
email: studio@[Link]
CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ix

ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS xi

SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD by David Scharff xix

INTRODUCTION xxiii

PART I
MAINLY THEORY

CHAPTER ONE
“As my shrivelled heart expanded”: the dynamics of 3
love, hate, and generosity in the couple
Aleksandra Novakovic

CHAPTER TWO
Oedipus killed the couple: murder on the Thebes highway 25
Viveka Nyberg

CHAPTER THREE
Projective identification processes in the couple relationship 47
Mary Morgan

v
vi CONTENTS

CHAPTER FOUR
On container–contained dynamics in the couple relationship 65
David Hewison

PART II
COUPLE STORIES AND CLINICAL COMMENTARIES

CHAPTER FIVE
Marco and Rosa 85
Co-therapy, containment, and the couple 91
A clinical commentary for Marco and Rosa
Christopher Clulow
Finding a story 96
A clinical commentary for Marco and Rosa
Joanna Rosenthall
Projective identification: rivalry, competition, 101
and exclusion
A clinical commentary for Marco and Rosa
Stanley Ruszczynski
Narcissism and loss of a shared ideal, oedipal exclusion, 107
and sibling transference affecting a couple state of mind
A clinical commentary for Marco and Rosa
Jill Savege Scharff

CHAPTER SIX
Peter and Helen 113
Over the hill to Oedipus 120
A clinical commentary for Peter and Helen
Andrew Balfour
Facing death: mourning and reparation in a late 125
middle-aged couple
A clinical commentary for Peter and Helen
Warren Colman
Therapy: anxieties, defences, and the couple 129
A clinical commentary for Peter and Helen
Susan Irving
Couples come in twos and threes: an oedipal perspective 135
A clinical commentary for Peter and Helen
Molly Ludlam
 CONTENTS vii

CHAPTER SEVEN
Daniel and Caroline 141
Containment and the couple 147
A clinical commentary for Daniel and Caroline
Eve Ashley
Oedipal dynamics and the “white heat” of the session 152
A clinical commentary for Daniel and Caroline
Brett Kahr
Shared couple defences against anxiety 158
A clinical commentary for Daniel and Caroline
Monica Lanman
Trauma, the first born, and the oedipal situation 163
A clinical commentary for Daniel and Caroline
Sara Leon

CHAPTER EIGHT
Greg and Lottie 169
Anxieties and defences 175
A clinical commentary for Greg and Lottie
Susanna Abse
The fog and the shadows of the past 180
A clinical commentary for Greg and Lottie
Pierre Benghozi
Oedipal dynamics and the couple 185
A clinical commentary for Greg and Lottie
Peter Griffiths
Containment and the couple 190
A clinical commentary for Greg and Lottie
Patsy Ryz

EPILOGUE 195

REFERENCES 197

INDEX 207
To Miomir and Nicholas
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

We would like to express our deep gratitude to all contributors to this

book. Our thanks to Susanna Abse, Christopher Clulow, Brett Kharr,
and David Scharff, Editors of The Library of Couple and Family
Psychoanalysis Series, and Rod Tweedy, Karnac Editor, for their kind
support of this project.
We are very grateful to Shirin Patel for her invaluable help editing
this book, and to our friends John Rhodes and Colleen Gardener for
their generous support.

ix
ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS

Susanna Abse is a couple psychoanalytic psychotherapist who has

worked in private practice since 1991. She was CEO of the charity,
Tavistock Relationships (2006–2016), and now also works as an orga-
nizational consultant and executive coach. She is a member of the
British Psychoanalytic Council, and serves on its Executive Board.
Susanna is a Fellow of the Centre for Social Policy at Dartington, a
Leadership Fellow at St George’s House, Windsor Castle, as well as a
Member of the Editorial Board of Couple and Family Psychoanalysis, and
Series Co-Editor of “The Library of Couple and Family Psycho-
analysis” for Karnac Books.

Eve Ashley trained as an art teacher, and then as a child and adoles-
cent psychotherapist at the Tavistock Clinic, qualifying in 2001. She
continues to work in the NHS, with children, young people, and
parents, alongside training and supervising child psychotherapists. In
2013, she completed a further training in couple psychotherapy at the
Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships (TCCR), now Tavistock
Relations (TR). Eve has a private practice in Hastings, and is an online
therapist at Tavistock Relations. She has contributed a commentary to
the ACP Journal, and to Annalisa Barbieri’s regular column in the

xi
xii ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS

Guardian. A particular interest is how early childhood experiences are

reworked in couple relationships.

Andrew Balfour studied English Literature before training in clinical

psychology at University College London. He went on to train as an
adult psychoanalytic psychotherapist at the Tavistock & Portman
NHS Trust, while working in a staff post there. He subsequently
trained as a couple psychotherapist at Tavistock Relationships
(formerly Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships). For more than
ten years, he was Clinical Director, and he is now Chief Executive,
there. He has published widely, and teaches both in the UK and
abroad. With Mary Morgan and Christopher Vincent, he co-edited
How Couple Relationships Shape Our World: Clinical Practice, Research,
and Policy Perspectives (Karnac, 2012).

Pierre Benghozi is a child psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and training

analyst for group therapy training and for couple and family therapy
training. He is President of the Research Institute for Couple and Fam-
ily Psychoanalysis, Board Member of the European Federation for
Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy (EFPP), Chair Founder of the EFPP
Section for Psychoanalytic Couple and Family Psychotherapy, Mem-
ber of the International Association of Couple and Family Psychoana-
lysis, and the French Society of Psychoanalytic Family Psychotherapy.
He writes, lectures, and supervises internationally. His publications
include “Adolescence and sexuality, links and network meshing” (in
Benghozi, P., 1999), and “Families in transformation: a psychoanalytic
approach” (in Nicolo, A., Benghozi, P., Lucarelli, D., 2014).

Christopher Clulow is a consultant couple psychoanalytic psycho-

therapist, registered with the British Psychoanalytic Council, and a
Senior Fellow of Tavistock Relationships. He has published exten-
sively on marriage, partnerships, parenthood, and couple psychother-
apy, most recently from an attachment perspective. He is a Fellow of
the Centre for Social Policy, Dartington, a member of the editorial
board of Couple and Family Psychoanalysis, and an international edito-
rial consultant for sexual and relationship therapy. He maintains a
clinical and training practice from his home in St Albans and through
the Balint Consultancy in London.
 ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS xiii

Warren Colman is a Jungian psychoanalyst and couple psychoana-

lytic psychotherapist, whose work has developed an experience-based
relational style, rooted in the Jungian and psychoanalytic traditions.
From 1982–1997, he worked at the Tavistock Marital Studies Institute.
He is now a training and supervising analyst for the Society of Ana-
lytical Psychology, and Consultant Editor of the Journal of Analytical
Psychology. He teaches, lectures, and supervises internationally,
and has published many papers on diverse topics, including couple
interaction, sexuality, the self, synchronicity, symbolic meaning, and
the therapeutic process. His book, Act and Image: The Emergence of
Symbolic Imagination, was published in 2016.

Peter Griffiths is a nurse consultant in child and family mental health,

and therapist at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust
working in both the child, young adults and families directorate
(CYAF) and within the national workforce skills development unit
(NWSDU). Regionally and nationally, he has developed training for a
range of professionals in the child and adolescent mental health work-
force. He is interested in all forms of experiential learning, in particu-
lar, Group Relations Conferences, which he has both designed and
directed. Within the Family Mental Health Team at the Tavistock, he
undertakes interpersonal therapy with parents, couple work, and
parents as partners groups, and, at Tavistock Relationships, is
completing training as a couple psychoanalytic psychotherapist.

David Hewison is a consultant couple psychoanalytic psychothera-

pist and Head of Research at Tavistock Relationships. He is the co-
author (with Christopher Clulow and Harriet Drake) of Couple Therapy
for Depression: A Clinician’s Guide to Integrative Practice (2014), based on
the model of couple therapy he developed as an evidence based treat-
ment for depression in the National Health Service (NHS). He is a
Jungian training analyst at the Society of Analytical Psychology, and
he teaches internationally and publishes widely on individual and
couple therapy and research. He has a particular interest in links
between psychoanalysis and Jungian analysis, and in understanding
creativity and imagination.

Susan Irving is a psychoanalyst, member of the British Psychoanalytic

Association, and couple psychoanalytic psychotherapist, and qualified
xiv ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS

at TCCR, now Tavistock Relations. Her professional background was

in psychiatric social work, in which she worked in London teaching
hospitals until retraining as a psychotherapist with the British
Association of Psychotherapy. She worked part-time in the public
sector for many years, and is now in private practice in both London
and Cornwall. She was a visiting lecturer at Tavistock Relations and
facilitated clinical seminars for trainees in psychoanalytic couple
psychotherapy. She is particularly interested in how primitive anxiety
and trauma affect later couple relationships.

Brett Kahr is Senior Fellow at Tavistock Relationships at the Tavistock

Institute of Medical Psychology in London, and also Senior Clinical
Research Fellow in Psychotherapy and Mental Health at the Centre
for Child Mental Health. He is a consultant psychotherapist at The
Balint Consultancy, and former Chair of the British Society of Couple
Psychotherapists and Counsellors. He is a Trustee of the Freud
Museum, London, and author or editor of nine books, including,
Forensic Psychotherapy and Psychopathology: Winnicottian Perspectives,
and Exhibitionism, as well as Sex and the Psyche, Tea with Winnicott, and
Coffee with Freud. He works with individuals and couples in Hamp-
stead, North London.

Monica Lanman started out as a social worker, and then trained at the
Tavistock Centre as an individual adult psychoanalytic psychothera-
pist, qualifying in 1980. She later trained as a couple psychoanalytic
psychotherapist at the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships,
now Tavistock Relationships (TR). Although semi-retired now, she
still supervises at TR. She has written a number of papers on couple
psychotherapy, published in various professional journals, including
two papers reporting a research project she undertook on the outcome
of couple psychotherapy, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry,
and in Psychology and Psychotherapy.

Sara Leon trained at the Tavistock Clinic. She is a senior child and
adolescent psychotherapist working in the East London NHS Trust.
She works in the trauma and attachment pathway in the CAMHS
Disability team at Hackney Ark, and has a particular interest in
psychoanalytic interventions and attachment relationships that are
complicated by disabilities and adoption. She also trained at Tavistock
 ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS xv

Relationships as a psychoanalytic couple psychotherapist, and works

as a visiting clinician in the generic and adopting together teams. She
is a training supervisor for the Independent Psychoanalytic Child &
Adolescent Psychotherapy Association, and teaches infant observa-
tion at the British Psychotherapy Foundation.

Molly Ludlam has worked as a teacher and social worker, before

becoming a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with couples, individuals,
and parents. Now focusing on teaching, writing, and editing (she is
the founding editor, from 2011, of Couple and Family Psychoanalysis),
her recent publications include “The perinatally depressed couple and
the imperative of mourning” (2014), in: K. Cullen, E. Bondi, J. Fewell,
E. Francis, & M. Ludlam (Eds.), Making Spaces; and “Lost—and found
—in translation: do Ronald Fairbairn’s ideas still speak usefully to 21st
century couple therapists?” fort da, 22(2), 12–26 (2016).

Mary Morgan is a psychoanalyst and couple psychoanalytic

psychotherapist. She is a Fellow of the British Psychoanalytical Society
and at Tavistock Relationships, is the Reader in Couple Psycho-
analysis and Head of the Couple Psychoanalytic Training. She has
published many papers in the field of couple psychoanalysis, and is
currently completing a book, entitled A Couple State of Mind. She is a
member of the IPA’s Couple and Family Psychoanalysis Committee,
and on the board of the International Association for Couple and
Family Psychoanalysis. She has developed and led couple psychother-
apy trainings in several countries, lectures internationally, and has a
private individual and couple analytic practice.

Aleksandra Novakovic is a psychoanalyst and couple psychoanalytic

psychotherapist. She was a consultant clinical psychologist in the
Adult Psychology Service, and Joint Head of the Inpatient &
Community Psychology Service. She worked at Tavistock Relation-
ships, taught and supervised on couple psychoanalytic psychotherapy
training, and she supervised on the IGA Diploma Course in Reflective
Practice in Organisations. Currently she teaches for the British
Psychoanalytic Association, and is a Consultant Visiting Lecturer at
Tavisock Relationships. She co-edited, with David Bell, a book on
psychotic processes (Karnac, 2013), and edited Couple Dynamics:
Psychoanalytic Perspectives in Work with the Individual, the Couple, and the
Group (Karnac, 2016).
xvi ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS

Viveka Nyberg is a lecturer and visiting clinician at Tavistock Rela-

tionships, where she was on the faculty staff. She is a Graduate Mem-
ber of the Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology, and a Senior
Member of the British Psychotherapy Foundation. She has lectured in
the UK, and internationally, and has a private practice in London. She
is on the editorial board of the Journal of Couple and Family Psychoana-
lysis. Her writings include Couple Attachments: Theoretical and Clinical
Studies, Karnac (2007), with Molly Ludlam, and “Developing a men-
talization-based treatment (MBT) for therapeutic intervention with
couples (MBT-CT)”, with Leezah Hertzmann, in Couple and Family
Psychonalysis, 2(4), 2014.

Marguerite Reid is a consultant child and adolescent psychotherapist

who has more recently trained as a couple psychoanalytic psychother-
apist. She co-founded the Perinatal Service at Chelsea and West-
minster Hospital, where she specialised in perinatal mental health
problems. Her doctoral research was in the area of perinatal loss and
the mother’s experience when she gives birth to the next baby. She is
a visiting clinician at Tavistock Relationships. She has taught in the
UK and abroad, and co-founded the Infant Observation Course in
Izmir, Turkey where she has taught for many years. She has published
in the area of perinatal mental health, and now works in private prac-
tice in London.

Joanna Rosenthall is a psychoanalyst (BPA) and psychoanalytic

couple psychotherapist. She is Clinical Lead of the Couples Unit in
Adult & Forensic Services of the Tavistock & Portman NHS
Foundation Trust. She was senior staff for over twenty years at
Tavistock Relationships, where she ran the Professional Doctorate in
couple psychoanalytic psychotherapy. She teaches and lectures in the
UK and abroad, on the psychoanalytic theory and practice of working
with couples. She has published papers in this area—recently on
violent couples, and working in the transference with couples. She
also works in private practice, and is writing a novel.

Stanley Ruszczynski is a psychoanalyst and couple psychoanalytic

psychotherapist, a Full Member of BPA, IPA, BPF, and the BSCPC. He
is Consultant Adult Psychotherapist (and past Clinical Director, 2005–
2016) at the Portman Clinic (Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation
 ABOUT THE EDITORS AND CONTRIBUTORS xvii

Trust, London), which offers psychotherapeutic treatment to patients

presenting with criminality, violence, or damaging sexual behav-
iours. He was Deputy Director of Tavistock Centre for Couple Rela-
tionships, now Tavistock Relationships, 1987–1993. He has a private
clinical practice, authored many book chapters and articles, and
edited and co-edited five books, including Psychotherapy with Cou-
ples (Karnac, 1993), and, with James Fisher, Intrusiveness and Intimacy
in the Couple (Karnac, 1995).

Patsy Ryz is a child and adolescent psychotherapist and a psychoan-

alytic couple psychotherapist. She has worked for a number of years
in a wide variety of NHS settings and also in the voluntary sector,
where she headed a Child and Family Consultation Service. She
currently works in private practice in North London, seeing children,
adolescents, parents, and couples. She is also a visiting clinician at
Tavistock Relationships, where she has undertaken assessments,
supervision, and long-term work with couples. Patsy has been
involved in the Parenting Together and Parents in Dispute Services,
and is part of the MA training team.

Jill Savege Scharff, MD, is co-founder of the International Psycho-

therapy Institute [Link]; Faculty Member of its Couple,
Child, and Family Program; Founding Chair and Supervising Analyst
at its International Institute for Psychoanalytic Training and its Child
Analytic and Psychotherapy Training Program; Clinical Professor of
Psychiatry, Georgetown University, Washington, DC, USA. She is the
co-author of books and chapters on object relations, and individual,
couple, and family therapy, including Object Relations Couple Therapy
and The Interpersonal Unconscious; co-editor of New Paradigms in
Treating Relationships and Psychoanalytic Couple Therapy, Psychoanalysis
Online 1, 2 and 3; and an analyst, child, couple, and family therapist in
private practice in Chevy Chase, MD, USA.
SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD

As the pace of change in our world accelerates, as social forces impinge

on the privacy and wellbeing of family and marital life, societies
around the world face crises concerning the viability of marriage and
adult intimate partnerships as containers of healthy development, as
crucibles for the growth of future generations. In consequence, our
skills as professionals who support the inevitable vulnerabilities that
impinge on marital, couple, and family life need constant develop-
ment, re-examination and renewal. The Library of Couple and Family
Psychoanalysis, the series in which this book is published, is dedicated
to that task. The Series Editors have invited colleagues who share our
dedication to these tasks to report on their work, on the questions that
confront them as they strive to help people all over the world and from
all walks of life, and to join in strengthening our abilities to help when
help is needed. No one finds this an easy task, and it is rare that we
are fully satisfied with our ability or with the completeness of our
work. Instead, we take comfort and satisfaction from our own continu-
ing learning about how to do our work better, how to formulate ways
of thinking that guide us and our colleagues and students as we all
learn, and how to adjust our skills to the evolving forms of relation-
ships and the changing problems that couples and families bring us.

xix
xx SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD

I come to this role as one of the series editors with a deep convic-
tion about the importance of analytic work with couples. Those who
practise this difficult craft need devotion, a depth of training, contin-
uing renewal, and a community of colleagues with whom to share the
work. I have always thought it was pretty much the most difficult
mode of psychotherapy I do, because couples so often come to us with
locked-in systems constructed over many years. Although the design
of their partnerships is built to keep them going, they come to us
because they have woven in compromises they can no longer tolerate.
When we see such partners as a couple, we are on the outside. While
they hope we can help them fashion something fundamentally differ-
ent, they are all too often devoted to keeping their partnership going
as it has been, a devotion crafted out of fear that change will only
make things worse. So, the partners often share the effort to keep us
on the outside, perhaps putting up with what we have to say while
unconsciously ignoring us almost completely.
Because this work is often—although not always—so difficult, it
requires that we be part of a community of fellow travellers who are
also committed to persisting, to improving our skills. It is not easy to
stay on the alert for subtle openings in the bastions couples
present. While we are staying alert to do so, at the same time we have
to move with the times in order to understand the changing face of
marriage, the changing conditions that couples face in their own
worlds, and the changing contours of marriage and intimate partner-
ships in the wider world that bring both new opportunities and new
challenges. We can no longer assume that we will be doing marital
therapy with a couple comprising a man and a woman with tradi-
tional views about marriage, sex, and family. Mores and patterns are
changing so fast that keeping up clinically and theoretically is a
continuing challenge. Nevertheless, even while we face the need to
understand same-sex couples, affairs, and open marriages, changing
gender issues and sexual practices, the widening structure of the fami-
lies in which the couples live, and the cultural assumptions that
couples from widely varying worlds bring to us—all enough to make
our heads swirl—we still need to hone our basic analytical tools. We
need to sharpen our focus on the unconscious organisation of the
couple in the room with us, to look for transference and counter-
transference interaction as our basic guide to where we are at any
given moment, and to where the couple needs to go in treatment. We
 SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD xxi

need these skills because, across the widening variety of situations we

meet in the modern world, fundamental skills and our basic com-
passes are needed more than ever.
The editors of this book have assembled a “Who’s Who” of
eminent contributors in the field of couple and child therapy in order
to provide a much-needed collection of clinical studies that aims to
support us in our work. They have produced a book that does two
main things. In the first part of the book, they summarise the princi-
ple ideas that form the foundation of our work: first, the understand-
ing of development with special emphasis on the early shifts in
capacity of mind to move from black-and-white sorting of experience,
to nuance, understanding, empathy, and the ability to forgive and
repair; second the central psychoanalytic formulation of the Oedipus
complex as the foundation of triangular thinking that lifts each of us
towards an ability to see ourselves and our relationships from an
outside perspective; third, the mechanism of unconscious communi-
cation that uses projective and introjective identification; fourth, the
necessity of a personal mind to form a containing crucible for the
growth and repair of another person’s mind. Although there are many
differences of psychoanalytic theory and varying approaches to
analytic couple therapy, these four areas constitute a shared frame-
work on to which we can then graft other contributions from disparate
parts of our field. This first section of the book, therefore, constitutes
a reliable foundation for relatively new students of our craft, and, at
the same time, an opportunity for veteran colleagues to update and
validate their foundational ideas.
The second section of the book does something quite different. It
offers a rich addition to the library of a basic resource in our field: the
clinical case report. The four cases, given anonymously and gener-
ously by students and colleagues, allow the examination of basic ideas
in our work, as each is discussed by several eminent colleagues. Each
discussion is unique, not only for the particular case, but within the
collection as a whole. These discussions can be taken as examples of
the many valuable perspectives that formal discussants bring, each
illuminating from its own particular vector of examination. The dis-
cussions demonstrate the variety of ideas that seem to each discussant
to be most relevant to the cases, even as these colleagues can be seen
to share an overall basic orientation that views clinical experience
through a psychoanalytic lens. For these reasons, the cases and their
xxii SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD

discussions are valuable both to those of us who have been doing this
work for a long time, and to new students of couple psychotherapy.
They let us compare the lens we use ourselves with those of valued
colleagues, even while showing our younger colleagues how we, as a
group, think about the large variety of issues relevant to our work
with any given couple.
This collection is not a monograph that tells us how to do our
work; it does something more important. It leads the way in estab-
lishing our common foundation, and then in demonstrating a variety
of ways these foundational ideas can be applied in order to serve our
understanding and empower the therapy we offer. This book, a trea-
sure trove of clinical wisdom, is a resource well worth examining and
re-examining as each of us strives to improve our own clinical think-
ing and our clinical work.

David Scharff
International Psychotherapy Institute,
Chair of the International Psychoanalytic Association
Committee on Family and Couple Psychoanalysis,
The Library of Couple and Family Psychoanalysis
Series Co-Editor
Introduction

The aim of this book is to present the application of some key psycho-
analytic concepts in thinking about the couple relationship. The con-
tributors to the first part of the book, “Mainly theory”, discuss how
psychoanalytic ideas can be used in conceptualising the nature of the
couple relationship. They draw on different models, and discuss
couple interaction in the paranoid–schizoid and depressive positions,
oedipal dynamics in the couple relationship, and the processes of
projective identification and containment in the couple.
In the second part of the book, “Couple stories and clinical com-
mentaries”, four couples tell a “couple story” during their clinical
session. There are several clinical commentaries for each couple story,
presenting different ways of thinking about a particular couple. The
couple stories are brief, perhaps dreamlike or poetic, not in terms of
their content, as they are neither a direct expression of the unconscious
nor artistic, but in form, since each story is one of the “condensed”
narratives of the couple’s conscious and unconscious relations. It
would be unrealistic to analyse in greater depth a couple relationship
based on the one therapy session presented in a couple story. It is
possible, however, to reflect on the feelings that the partners evoke in
each other in the course of a session, and on the partners’ experience
of their relationship.

xxiii
xxiv INTRODUCTION

The clinical commentaries present the contributors’ analytic atti-

tude and the models that they draw upon in their imaginative inter-
pretations of the couple stories. The clinical commentaries provide an
insight into how psychoanalytic couple therapists think about the
themes that couples bring to their session, what they might select as a
focus, how they might go about developing a hypothesis about the
nature of the relationship between the partners, and the links they
make between the clinical material and theory. The contributors bring
some convergent, complementary, as well as different, ideas about
“what is going on” in a particular session with a particular couple.
Different clinical commentaries present different perspectives on the
same clinical material, and this complexity perhaps approximates the
plurality of a couple or a group. The reader is not presented with a
single point of view or a defined and specific understanding of a case,
but with multiple layers and different and complementary ideas and
stories.
We wish here to emphasise that for any given event or experience
in the life of a person or couple, many meanings can be discerned, and
that there are different ways of understanding the phenomena as they
emerge in the consulting room. Interpretation is never quite
“finished” or definitive, and each interpretation is an opportunity to
develop a deeper understanding, or search for another way of concep-
tualising the meaning. Different interpretations in this book address
various aspects and levels, and highlight the reality of the diverse
manifestations and meanings in the couple interactions. Multiple
interpretations can, of course, be in contradiction to each other, but
they can also be harmonious and resonant. In the spirit of collabora-
tion, all contributors jointly create the content of this book on the
application of psychoanalytic concepts in the exploration of couple
dynamics, and each author contributes to the group of ideas their
particular interpretation and point of view. We hope that this book
will stimulate further dialogues and thoughts about couple relations.
All the authors in these chapters share a view that psychoanalytic
concepts can yield a greater understanding of the sometimes baffling
complexity and suffering, but also fulfilment, of life as a couple. We
believe that there have been significant developments in conceptuali-
sation and practice in this field, and hope that detailed thinking and
clinical examples will be of interest to experienced therapists, and of
use to those who are learning psychoanalytic ways of working. We
 INTRODUCTION xxv

also believe that the texts here will be of interest to any who seek to
understand the life of the couple, professionals who are not directly
involved in clinical work, and members of the general public with an
academic interest.
 PART I
MAINLY THEORY
CHAPTER ONE

“As my shrivelled heart expanded”:

the dynamics of love, hate, and
generosity in the couple

Aleksandra Novakovic

n this chapter, I present the object relations theory of the para-

I noid–schizoid and depressive positions and discuss the couple

interactions within these two positions. I summarise Klein’s
(1975c,f,g[1940, 1946, 1957]) and some post-Kleinian ideas1 about the
two basic positions, or states of mind—the paranoid–schizoid and
depressive positions—and present concepts that are, in my view, most
relevant to the topic of this chapter. The paranoid–schizoid and
depressive positions are characterised by different anxieties and
defences that most, and perhaps all, individuals and couples alike,
experience to some extent and at some points in their lives. I found
that Proust’s (2002[1919]) metaphors imaginatively capture and bring
to life, so to speak, the fantastical aspects and complexity of emotional
life described by Klein, and resonate with the dynamics in these two
positions, and I discuss a few segments from In the Shadow of Young
Girls in Flower (In Search of Lost Time, Volume 2). Finally, I consider the
fused, warring, differentiated, benign, creative, and generous couple
relations within these different positions.

3
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