With Mr.
Black
Lesson 1
Kinky English Class
Lesson 1: Introduction
In this class we will discuss a number of different topics, to help you get
started on your way to your own exotic kinky dating. This class will cover:
● How to describe your kinky identity, skills and interests
● Flirting tips
● Spotting cultural differences when dating with English speakers
How to Advertise You!
Just like applying for a job, when dating,
you have to sell yourself. To sell yourself
well, you need to advertise.
Monogamy vs Polyamory vs Open Relationships
Monogamy is the sort of ‘default’ relationship style in the vanilla (non-kinky) world.
Relationships are expected to be between two people, who only have sexual contact with each
other. They don’t date or have sex with people outside of their relationship.
Polyamory is a popular relationship style in the BDSM community. It refers to having multiple
relationship partners. This can be realized in a number of different ways; you can have a poly
family/group, where everyone is in a relationship with each other (triads are a popular version of
this style); you can have a more general poly arrangement, where partners are welcome to have
other partners who aren’t all romantically linked; there are also arrangements where one person
has multiple relationships and the other doesn’t (most often when a Dominant has multiple
submissive partners, but the submissives are only allowed to date that one Dominant). There are
lots of other ways to do poly, and the details will all be different for different people.
An open relationship can be similar to polyamory, in that partners are allowed to see
other people. In open relationships, the expectation is that contacts outside the relationship will
be more casual – not additional relationships.
What are you?
● Dominant, or “dom” for short, Top: A person who exercises control – contrast with submissive.
● Domme: Woman who exercises control. Often associated with a particular brand of traditional
femininity; some female dominants prefer to use the non-gendered terms dom/dominant.
● Submissive, or "sub" for short, bottom: Person that gives up control either all the time or for a
specified period (not to be confused with "bottom" or "slave").
● Slave: A person (usually submissive) who consensually gives up total control of one or more aspects
of their life to another person (their Master).
● Switch: Someone who likes being both top and bottom, either in one scene or on different
occasions.
● Other roles can include: Puppy, Big/Little, Masochist, Sadist, Trainer, Cuckold, Bull, Voyeur, etc...
What can you do?
What skills or talents do you have?
These don’t have to all be BDSM related! Your ability to be honest, and clearly communicate can be just as
important as having rope or spanking skills. E.g. listening and being able to answer questions is a useful
BDSM skill.
Do your skills relate to your limits and/or your interests?
E.g. You can be a skilled rope artist because you enjoy restraining people, or your rope skills may be
limited because your current/previous partner had mental or physical limits.
What are your language skills?
Communication is important to BDSM, but knowing your language abilities allows others to adapt to you.
What do you like?
What BDSM activities are you interested
in?
What BDSM activities do you want to
try?
What BDSM experience do you have?
Can you give examples?
Was it good or bad? Why?
What you can create
BDSM Glossary
Vanilla, Fetish, 24/7, Abuse, BDSM, Bondage, Bottom, Butch, Consensual, Daddy, Discipline,
Dominance, Dominant (or Dom), Dominatrix, Domme, Exhibitionism, Fetish, Harm, Masochism,
Master, Master/slave, Mentor, Mistress, Neo-Pagan, Nudism, Old Guard, Pagan, Player, Polyamory
(or "Poly" for short), Puppy, Pussy, Rape, Sadism, Safe Word, Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC), Slave,
Masochist, Submission, Submissive (or Sub), Subspace, Swinging, Switch, Top, Transgendered, etc.
Other Vocabulary
Webinar
Tricky
passive
"That’s interesting"
Intriguing
Amusing
Confidence
Stern
Compassionate
in control of Yourself
Trust, strength, passion, caring
competent
Flirting with Cultural Differences
To flirt with a native English speaker, there are a few basics that should be recognized:
1. A lot of flirting uses double entendres: e.g.
a. Words that can have two meanings
b. Slang language
c. Verbal jokes and innuendos
2. Flirting can reference cultural aspects and media
3. Cultural differences may mean that flirting references are not understood
Asian Aesthetic: Does cute = sexy?
Western Aesthetic: Does slutty = sexy?
Flirting Tips
Tips: Kinky Twists:
1. Be confident 1. Use Honorifics (Sir, Mistress, Master, etc.)
2. Show interest in them 2. Complimenting your dominant qualities
3. Draw attention to your best features (e.g. lips) 3. “Is that an order?”
4. Smile
5. Ignore them (only a little bit)
6. Compliment their clothes
7. It’s ok to be obvious sometimes
8. Flirt before you see them
9. Start with something cheesy to break the ice
Cheesy Flirting
Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions
Do you have a shovel? Because I’m digging that ass.
If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricant.
Your outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.
Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the 6. I’ll be the 9.
Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.
Is that a handprint on your ass? Would you like one?
Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one I want to force choke.
You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
I’m typing this with one hand because my other hand is busy…
Complimenting your dominant qualities
“Time to sweep and mop,” you bark, when there’s an hour left til closing time. Then your tone softens:
“Sorry, that was bossy. Time to sweep and mop, please.”
En route to the supply closet to grab the broom, I retort over my shoulder, “It’s okay; I like it when you’re
bossy.” I hear the pause as you process this, and then you reply, “I’m not sure how to take that…” I grin. And
then I get to sweeping.
“Is that an Order?”
Plotting a threesome via text, I mention that multiple orgasms aren’t exactly in my wheelhouse. “What if
you stoppedmasturbating for a few days beforehand?” you posit. “Maybe we could get 3 out of you ;)”
I pause, stare at my phone screen, try to breathe. And then I type a phrase so loaded for me, I’m almost
scared to make it real by committing it to text. “Is that an order? ;)”
There is a minute of silence during which I become convinced I have scared you away forever by wanting
too much from you, climbing too high on the kink ladder while you’re still meandering through the vanilla
wilds below. But then your reply comes back: “That is an order. Are you gonna be a good girl and wait a
few days for my cock?”
I scream at my phone, throw it across the room, and cover my face with my hands. I am going to be such a
good girl for you, sir.
Flirting Rules
Kink Rules:
1. Don’t violate consent
2. Do drop hints
3. Don’t skip straight to dirty talk
4. Do discuss shared kinks
5. Don’t interrogate them
6. Do share your preferences
7. Don’t fetishize people
8. Do treat people as people
Keep up the great job!
See you in the next class.
Additional References
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