Name:

Date: June 24, 2025

OL 612 Conflict Management - Week One

1.​ Readings:
-​ While all of the books seemed intriguing and helpful, I have decided to focus on
Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection by Drs. John
and Julie Gottman (2024). I did make a note of the other titles so I could check
them out at a later date. I chose this book because I find conflict to be
uncomfortable. I typically avoid situations that could result in an issue or
disagreement. Although this book is aimed specifically towards couples, conflict
management benefits all areas of life. Conflict resolution is an incredibly
important skill to learn. I am hoping that this book will help me deal with conflict
in a healthy way and learn to appreciate the value in it. (word count: 121)

-​ The Conflict-Intelligent Leader by Peter T. Coleman

This article was very interesting to me because I would like to eventually
venture into administration. One thing that I found fascinating was that Coleman
(2025) lists four things that build conflict competency. These things are
self-awareness and self-regulation, social-conflict skills, situational adaptivity,
and systemic wisdom. While reading this article, I found it interesting that
self-awareness and self-regulation were among the list of important skills. I love
to learn about social and emotional learning, and these are two components that
are frequently discussed.
​ Coleman compares conflict management to planting a tree (2025). Some
people plant trees and will never sit under the shade. This is impactful because, as
an educator, I will teach students conflict management skills, and I may never
see the harvest from these efforts. I love this analogy for this. (word count: 133)

Coleman, P. (2025). The conflict-intelligent leader. Harvard Business Review.

[Link]

2.​ Tiny Desk Lecture: What is Interpersonal Conflict?

-​ The first point that stood out to me from this video was the abundance of benefits
that can come from effectively managing conflict. Some of the suggested benefits
that were included in the video were an increased awareness of identifying
problems and what problems exist, and improved Mental and Emotional
Health ([Link]). These were just two of the many benefits from effective
conflict. Typically, I try to avoid conflict. I hate dealing with confrontation. I can
be hypercritical of myself, and this often creates a negative experience when
dealing with conflict. I had never viewed conflict as a positive thing or an
opportunity for productive discussion and an opportunity for problem-solving
([Link]). I usually viewed conflict as something to avoid. I appreciated the
alternative viewpoint of what conflict could be and the benefits it has. (word
count: 139)
 -​ An additional point that I liked from this video was the explanation of the
dimensions of communication ([Link]). If someone had asked me what
communication was or what it encompasses, I would have likely given a textbook
answer. I may have explained verbal and nonverbal communication. I did not
realize that there are three dimensions to communication: context dimension,
content dimension, and relationship dimension. All three of these dimensions
work together to create a complex form of delivering messages from one
person to another. Personally, I find that the content dimension is the most
straightforward of the three. Although no singular dimension is simple, by any
means. The relationship dimension is one that I am struggling with the most. I
am having conflict with my mother, and I find that I have a skewed mindset
simply because she is a relative. This is where the relationship dimension comes
into play. She is also somebody who often misconstrues things that I say or ways
that I communicate, so I try to be especially cognizant of these three dimensions
of my communication with her. (word count: 181)

3.​ YouTube Videos

-​ “How miscommunication happens (and how to avoid it)-Katherine Hampsten”
(TED-Ed)
The transmission model is when a message moves from one person to
another ([Link]). This model does not encapsulate the complexity of
communication. The transactional model better demonstrates the process of
communicating ([Link]). This focuses on an exchange of information
(communication) from one person to another, then back again. This model brings
more challenges and incorporates our perceptual filters. There are many different
elements at play when communicating with others, and these complex
components can make communication difficult. I liked how this video compared
communication to playing with a ball. The transmission model would be when
someone throws a ball at another person and walks away. The transactional
model would be considered a game of catch, where multiple people throw a ball
back and forth (exchanging information). This analogy helps me to better
comprehend the models of communication. (word count: 142).

-​ “Charlie Chaplin - Modern Times - Flag” (loser blueser)

The first thing that I thought of was how effective nonverbal
communication can be. This entire video contains no verbal forms of
communication. This video was fascinating because it made me consider how the
context influenced the communication. The person in the video (Charlie
Chaplin) was walking along the road and discovered that a flag had fallen off a
truck ([Link]). He grabbed the flag and ran to give it back to the owner. While
running, a parade of people began to join him on the road. It looks like they may
have been marching in a protest or something. The man just happened to be in the
right place at the right time to make it seem as though he was in charge of the
protest/march. This video also made me consider what was mentioned in the Tiny
Desk Lecture video from this week. In the Tiny Desk Lecture video, it is
explained that cognitive complexity is a portion of communication competency.
 If watching the video from a certain point (after the flag fell off the truck), you
may believe that the man was leading the group. Without the context of what
occurred before, it is difficult to identify why the man was marching. Using
cognitive complexity is similar to viewing the first portion of the video to provide
a clearer understanding. (word count: 226)

4.​ Podcast
-​ Title: Innovation 2.0 Series
Episode: Multiplying the Growth Mindset

First point:
In this podcast, Mary Murphy explained what Stanford Duck Syndrome is.
She explained that people can be like ducks; they gracefully swim above the
surface of the water, with their legs frantically kicking underneath. This is an
analogy that I have never heard of. It effectively demonstrates people’s effort in
life. Some people can seem like they are swimming effortlessly, but what others
may not see are the struggles behind the scenes. This reminds me of the analogy
of the iceberg used in the Week One Tiny Desk Lecture. In that video, the iceberg
represented the depth and dimensions of conflict, but I feel that an iceberg could
also represent a person’s life (and struggles). (word count: 115)

Second point:
Murphy describes how at one college, professors were ranked in order of
their productivity, and these lists were sent to all professors. She also explains
how students’ grades are sometimes posted for all students to see. This creates a
sense of competition among people. Murphy explains that this method can cause
people to be fearful of losing that status in the rankings. This mindset discourages
people from helping others and sharing resources. In my opinion, this is
something that is very relevant today. I have found that people can be very
focused on their needs/agendas, and there can be a lack of empathy or care for
others. (word count: 108)

5.​ Reflection
Before this course began, I feared conflict. I would do anything I could to avoid it,
and confrontation was terrifying. While I was growing up, I was never taught how to
communicate healthily. I had more experience with destructive conflict than
constructive conflict. Generational trauma has influenced my ability to communicate
effectively. My mother was never taught those skills, so she was unable to teach me. Now
that I have my children, I try to do everything that I can to teach my children how to
communicate effectively. I encourage communication, and we try to work through
conflict. This is a hard skill to teach others when I had never learned how interpersonal
communication works. This course has already helped influence the way that I think
about conflict and communication.
I did not realize how much goes into communication. I had never heard of the
four horsemen of the apocalypse as an example of the patterns of destructive conflict.
The patterns of destructive conflict are criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling, and
contempt (Week One Tiny Desk Lecture).
My goal for this course would be to help create a positive view of conflict and
how to manage it. I want to remember that conflict is inevitable and that it can be a
positive thing. I want to learn all that I can about conflict and communication so I can
educate my students and my children. I want to remind myself that conflict is essential
for change and growth.
I would like to analyze all of my communication with others and identify toxic or
negative tendencies. I hope to gain the skills to recognize and change these habits. I want
to learn the skills to create authentic conflict resolution and conflict management. I
want to learn how to identify and counteract the four horsemen (criticizing,
defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt). If I can identify these negative skills, I can
prepare to avoid them. (word count: 318)