Basic Protocols in BDSM

THE BDSM PROTOCOL

It is undisputed that in BDSM there is a set of reasonable rules and
sensible what they determine how must to be our behaviors
behaviors and relationships with other people, in turn knowing what we can
to expect from others. Basically, it is what we could call Protocol.
In the multilingual BDSM Dictionary by Bartomeu Doménech (Ed. Bellaterra
2004) is defined as "a set of rules that must be observed."
In addition to the above, the Protocol serves to develop fantasy and the
imagination, adorn the bond and the relationship, making explicit each of the
steps you must follow during a meeting. Both ways of understanding the
Protocols were named in a debate held in Rosas (Barcelona)
as a Generalized Protocol (which affects BDSM as a group) and another
Internal Protocol (that affects the Master-slave relationship).
However, some BDSM practitioners rebel against these norms,
There are those who question them and show themselves to be opposed to them, while others nuance on
change that they are defenders of their existence as long as they are not too
elaborate. The shocking thing about this observation, which you can follow through
readings in forums and debates, is that although a lot is written about the
convenience or not of the Protocol, few dare to get into the details of
What are the contents of that Protocol, on what concepts is it based?
where it comes from or how to articulate it
One reason for this lack is intrinsic to BDSM, a consequence of its
variety and its plurality of practices, so that for example, those rules
next that could be considered very convenient for the practice of
Bondage is irrelevant or becomes ineffective for other practices.
close to sadomasochism. The other reason is dialectical: What does it include?
protocol? There are those who believe that they should remain outside of being
BDSM Protocols are considered those objective and explicit rules or norms.
that are focused around an event, organization, or venue (calling them,
just like, rules or norms), and those that are based on the must also be excluded
respect and good behavior of people (as long as it
they assume for whom they want to relate and integrate within a
Community); including therefore only those that do typify and adorn
properly the scene and the role behavior of the Dominant and of the
submissive.
Others, including myself, believe that the Protocol
is constituted by the existence of a set of norms, values, symbols and
forms of relationship between people, although many are unwritten, and that are the
that confer a singular and specific character that allows to appeal to the
términos Subcultura BDSM y Estilo de Vida BDSM.
As I am aware that the debate about the Protocol will continue after
this article, and perhaps more out of a sense of foresight for when things
they happen too late, I prefer to refer to the whole and not to stay
only in one part. We must be clear that there is not a single Protocol. The
The purpose of this article is to show where and how the Protocol acts and what
they are the keys for any practitioner (initial or experienced) to know
to develop oneself with their best knowledge and relational ability within the
BDSM.
Some common mistakes regarding the Protocol The Protocol exists because
There are relationships among BDSM practitioners. It is necessary for the good
harmony and coexistence of those who relate. I believe we must have in
first of all, tell who the Protocol affects. A very common mistake is to think
that the Protocol only applies when it comes to organized activities that
bring together a large number of BDSM practitioners. Some guidelines of
behavior in a Master - submissive relationship already forms as a whole
a Protocol. Incorporate a third person into that bond or relationship
it necessarily implies explaining how the roles manifest in this
link. It is true that where the Protocol is made public and manifest is in
the Organizations, local spaces equipped for BDSM and
those specific events for the meeting and development of some practices.
Each of these cases may have specificities although most of them
of their rules are common.
Another very common mistake is to think that the Protocol only refers to how
she must behave as a submissive or slave in front of her Master, and by indication of
this to other Dominants and submissives. They forget that the Protocol must also
to be followed and respected by the Dominants (the false idea of the Master "god") in
relationship to your submissive and slave, in relation to other Dominants and to
other submissives.
A generalization that also leads to frequent errors is to think that
the Protocol only extends to aspects such as the dress code, a
specific jargon, use of facilities or apply the rules only at the moment
of the development of a BDSM session or game.
To finish the description of situations that I consider incorrect, another
what occurs very frequently is the one that considers that the Protocol is applicable
only with those who have shown sufficient proof of deserving it. As a way of
communication, it reveals a lot of information: external appearance, aesthetics, knowledge
being, character of the role and experience.
The Quasi Dogmas of BDSM
The Protocol exists because BDSM impacts, affects, and alters the physical state and
emotional for those who practice it. In any of its variants, BDSM
develops asymmetrical relationships: One person immobilizes - another remains
immobilized; one person exercises authority and power - another obeys; one
a person inflicts pain and humiliation - another experiences it.
On a higher level, inviolable by describing it in some way and that
we could consider them as dogmas, they are a set of values that
They revolve around the concepts 'Safe, Sensible, and Consensual' (acronym SSC);
Assumed and Agreed Risk for Alternative Sexual Practice
(acronym RACSA or RACK). This conceptual terminology, so often cited
and redefined in any virtual or physical BDSM space, aims to guarantee
that among the participants the practices, the forms of
communication and security mechanisms, the limits and scope of these
practices; and that the recovery or care process that is required and
that any negative physical and emotional alteration will be appropriately
restored.
Another set of values is intended to identify attitudes and
aptitudes that must be identified by the superior and inferior roles in these relationships
asymmetric. Basically, it is to answer two questions: What is expected of
a Dominant? What is expected of a submissive? Here the Protocol is more
rebellious and hard to define, because each BDSM Community emphasizes some
qualities or traits at the expense of others, seeking greater
adaptability for the group of people it gathers (for example, the
Hispanic societies have emphasized a lot on those values that identify
clearly BDSM beyond any suspicion related to the dominance of
man over the woman and situations of sexual abuse). But all the
Communities have in common that they describe the characteristics of
expected behavior in both roles and the scope of the respective
Responsibilities and obligations of all interns according to their role.
The 10 rules for Dominants and the 10 rules for the are widely spread.
submissive: Patient, humble, open-minded, communicative, honest, sensitive
dominant/submissive, realistic, healthy body, and have fun.
The qualities of the Protocol BDSM has not developed its own Protocol
based on an ideological precedent or a philosophical current, not even
a fantasy, (although the gorean has its own specificities of the world
fantastic that recreates) .
We can affirm that, on one hand, the BDSM Protocol is the result
to incorporate specific elements of their tradition, such as
example, the use of a language - BDSM jargon; the forms of address that
they mark the distance between roles; certain forms and variants of clothing
and bodily nakedness; the use of symbols and adornments for the body; the adoption
of certain body positions; some related considerations
with safety in BDSM practice, and all those other variants that
make Lifestyle an alternative relational and sexual practice that
they transgress the traditional and conventionally established in our
societies. And on the other hand, added to the above, it incorporates for itself
universal values such as respect for people, common sense, the
good practices, and maintaining good manners.
The most important quality of a Protocol is its practical utility, and in the
BDSM fulfills it. It exists because it is useful for every situation. Therefore its
existence and consideration of being taken into account do not act in a way
coercive does not diminish creativity for those who comply. On the contrary,
emphasizes and generates more attention so that respect, good practices or the
good manners are practiced with exquisite care.
In the Master – submissive relationships, this sense of utility makes the Protocol
act as a powerful instrument of learning a through the
operant or instrumental conditioning, that is, through reinforcement
and the punishment so widely used in BDSM.
For example, I recently read the instructions that a Mistress gave to her submissive.
to prepare the table for her and her guests and the way to serve it:
absolutely none of those instructions had any particularity
specific to BDSM, quite the opposite, it was the summary of any
manual for dressing and serving a dining table. But his submissive must
fulfill it with utmost care knowing that your Mistress will be very attentive to it
follow the instructions, or you will suffer the consequences of your punishment, ultimately,
the submissive will implement a Protocol that requires him to express his
behavior of being submissive to the will of their Mistress.
For BDSM in general, the Protocol serves to establish the general guidelines of
behavior of its practitioners, the consideration of admission or not within
from the Community to new people and their possible practices.
For the Dominant, the Protocol serves to establish short-term objectives in
relationship to her submissive, that is, within the limits
agreed upon, what things to practice and how he expects them to be practiced so that
they report the expected benefit and pleasure of submissive delivery.
For the submissive, the Protocol is the way to go to carry out the
expected behavior from your Dominant, in order to provide them with well-being
and due pleasure and as a source for obtaining their own pleasure. The
Protocol helps to enter the appropriate environment of submission.
focusing on the tasks that must be fulfilled, leaving aside those others
factors that could condition the effective performance of these tasks.
Diversity in the Protocol
In the first part, we have been unpacking the preceding ideas, the mistakes
of appreciation that are frequently made, and finally their qualities,
we have been giving hints about the real scope of the Protocols or set of
written and unwritten rules and norms of behavior in BDSM. Now
It is time to start fixing them in more detail.
The Language of Symbols
A series of visible symbols support the best tradition of BDSM in the
Protocol, of which I highlight:

• The triskel as an emblem of BDSM (Emblem Project) and the flag

(Leather Pride Flag) that we find in many spaces to identify that
they gather the BDSM Community. In a recent trip to Brussels, where
flags of every country and signs emerge from the buildings in the city center
I stopped to contemplate the dozens of Leather Pride Flags that were waving in
its streets.
• Black, a color universally used as a way of dressing that
identify the Community and commonly accepted as a requirement for
participation and relationship with others.
• Leather, and subsequently latex as preferred fabrics and with a
high fetish component along with its complements of boots and shoes of
high heels, wide belts, and chains.
• The Collar, a universally used symbol to describe a bond
of Domination - submission, the unequivocal sign of belonging to a Dominant,
in its training and discipline collar variants or walking collar.
• The ring, an allegory of the ring described in Story of O, another variant of
sign of belonging.
• BDSM practice lists, playlist, as a first step - norm for
proceed to the communication and establishment of affinities, practices
possibilities and limits within BDSM between two practitioners of different roles.
• The contract, temporary or indefinite, written manifestation of the
purposes and the scope of a Master's power over his submissive.
• The ceremonies and rituals, the most widespread being those of Initiation, of the
Roses (or consecration of a bond) and that of Tea (inspired by the world
Geisha). In addition to these, there are those other ones that each Organization or
a group of BDSM friends decide to put into practice (for example, under the
name of rituals, the Peruvians of LoveChains have incorporated a wide
variety) .
• Colorful scarves, an accessory used in environments
homosexuals as a predominant way of identifying in a trend
dominant or submissive and to what degree of involvement or commitment in the relationship
maintains its connection. Its origin began on the west coast of the United States and
immediately traveled across the whole country and southern Canada.
The Protocol for the Master - submissive bond, humiliation, and servitude.
In this case we refer to the guidelines (sometimes more than guidelines are
inviolable rules) to follow and codes of conduct that affect in a way
exclusive to a Master - submissive relationship. These are generally the
precise instructions that the Master agrees with his submissive that affect: To
mutual understanding, the limits and limitations based on work on a
list of practices.

• From the name of the submissive to the form of address and use of the
Usted; Amo; Señor; Dueño; etc.
• Speech, gaze, and body positions.
• Use of time, spaces and furniture
• Forms of servitude, including sexual
• Celebration of Rituals and Ceremonies
• Clothing and nudity
• Relationships of the submissive with other people in BDSM
• Advertising or not of the existence of the link and degree of concreteness or
linking of the relationship, temporary or indefinite, partial or trending towards one
Total Power Exchange
• In the process of learning submission, humiliation and
servitude requires a series of guidelines and instructions from the Master
(as many as possible according to your objectives, and the more detailed the better)
that help the submissive to fulfill her mission. When the Master plans
scenes of humiliation are based on one's own fantasies and those of their submissive,
will play its role and act with authority and creativity, and demands from the submissive
strict obedience, compliance, and submission. It is here where the Protocol
demonstrates its benefits.
• Through humiliation, the submissive submits to the will of her
I love. It forces her to realize how deeply this decision is and that
Obeying will not always be pleasant and easy. It will affect the psychology of the
submissive in positive aspects on some occasions, and perhaps in the majority of a
negative way, hence the importance of the Master knowing his well.
submissive and employ with utmost caution the humiliation. The Master is always
responsible for the somatic care of the submissive, for her growth in
the relationship and in the development of the submissive.
• Humiliation is associated with these practices: Worship, animalism,
physical aspect, ceremonies, punishments, Master-slave communication, control of
decisions, pain, exhibitionism, way of speaking and looking, way of dressing
mortification
functional servitude, sexual servitude (homo, hetero, and bisexual) and
supplication.
• Additionally and in detail, the Master who plans to
through a detailed protocol, the scenes of humiliation can benefit
Facilitating the submissive to assume their role, entering into submission and feeling
truly subjected.
• Enhance humility in the behavior of the submissive, accepting that the
Humiliation is a power that its Master exercises so that she obeys and gives herself to him.
satisfy. The dimension and scope of this humble behavior remains
restricted to the universe of her Master and only in this space is where she must
to manifest it. Modification of the submissive's behavior. Humiliation is
used to break with each person's patterns and conventions.
The Protocol on the Internet
During the early years of the Internet, the Protocol or rules of
behavior helped to recognize who was a practitioner - interested in
BDSM and who an unfortunate curious person. In the last five years and the
incorporation of thousands of new users, that ability of recognition
it's not possible (some sarcastically say that it's a matter of repeating four
simple rules). At the same time, spaces have become widespread and proliferated.
virtual spaces where supposed BDSM practitioners gather (where
Every time we speak, it's more about everything insubstantial than about BDSM.
that, despite the existence of access and behavior rules, the administrators
- moderators of these spaces seem more vigilant - police
chasing those who violate these rules, especially if they are the most
essentials. With this, the Protocol tends to dilute and in many cases to
disappear to be relegated to private contacts.
So far, the Protocol of BDSM spaces on the Internet
usually contemplates:

• Respect for others as an essential form of communication. A norm.

basic that persists although unfortunately it is also transgressed.
• Ways to identify the nicknames or handles of the participants, according to
his roles Forms of speech, conversation, and treatment among the
participants, according to their roles.
• Ways to organize activities inside and outside the virtual space
(commonly referred to as meetups), as well as the debates and
treatment of knowledge and information about BDSM.
• Ways to resolve conflicts that may arise between
participants.
• Lately I have the impression that it has also been lost in
replacement of the webmaster-judge and party.
• Ways to contribute to the economic and IT sustainability of
virtual space.
The Protocol in BDSM Organizations and Venues
These standards have in common:

• Ways to access organizations, right of admission and

preservation of the identity of the attendees.
• Forms of organization and administration.
• Ways to develop performance activities and BDSM sessions
group
• Use of facilities and permitted practices.
• Ways of moderating discussion groups and integrating newcomers
members.
• Forms of intervention in case of conflicts.
Under the designation of Code of Conduct, the Society of Janus establishes 10
rules for its members, whose maximum is not to disturb the game of others.
On the other hand, Club Rosas5 has chosen the name Internal Regime.
and expands to 15 the rules that must be respected.
Some organizations develop their protocols inspired by literature and
the fantasy, like Roissy and Samois (inspired by the Story of O), and the
Gorean (inspired by the novel by John Norman) among others.
The Protocol among Dominants.

• Respect: To your person, to your limits, and to your private life. Respect to your
anonymity (including the nickname) unless prior consent is given.
• Discretion: Private conversations do not have to be
revealed.
• Before an invitation, you must know who the rest are.
guests.
• Consideration: If it is not known or there are no references, it is treated as
Dominant in an equal deal, without doubting their condition except for a
behavior that has shown the opposite, and yet has the right
to privately explain the reasons why he has stopped having such
consideration.
• Recognition: To your belonging in the BDSM Community, to your
experience in BDSM and to their Mastery.
• Host Preference: In your home and in your community. To be
considered Master of Masters and/or Master of Ceremonies where it is
recognized for his experience and mastery. To be the first in the use and enjoyment of
SM game where it is the host.
• In the presence of submissives, acting in role, will have preference over
they
• Inviolability: Your property is yours and is inviolable. In order to do
I must have her proper authorization for its use. The presence of a collar
(still in testing period) is enough to ensure that your property is
inviolable.
• Interest: And preferential attention to what he says or does due to his condition
Dominant.
• Vision: You have the righta to have a different vision, even
completely different from the practice of BDSM, without having to be
judged or criticized by me, always in security, sensibility and
consensus.
• Reciprocity: Agreeing on reciprocal forms of Protocol.
The Protocol among submissives.
The most used Protocol encompasses the sisterhood among the submissives and
slaves, as a form of understanding, appreciation, and mutual support. In other
on occasions, this Protocol becomes stricter when necessary
for the Domination - submission scene or practice that is intended to be carried out
cable.
Some submissives engage in activities aimed at information.
guidance and support for those who are just starting out. In these cases
the distribution of tasks is formalized, a certain hierarchy based on experience and the
scope and responsibility of this task without detracting from the actions and
decisions that a Dominant can make.
The Protocol in Security
The practice of BDSM involves taking on risks equally between
Dominant and submissive, likewise to diminish and increase the
Safety conditions are the responsibility of both roles based on the
knowledge of practices, experience, and how to act in case of
injuries we often forget the convenience of having them available.
guidelines to follow to increase the security of our practices. They are some
examples: Safeword or the possible use of the safeword during the
development of a BDSM session

• Instrumental and attention for sanitary first aid.

• The knowledge of safety in Bondage
• Knowledge of safety in spanking and spanking
• The knowledge of Aftercare or Post-Session care.
• The Protocol for Resolving Conflicts within BDSM
This issue continues to concern many BDSM communities, communities
formal (legal) or informal (friends who gather to celebrate and play).
These are the proposed solutions:
The existence of the Master of Masters, which in BDSM venues is often the
owner of the establishment, (has the right of admission and expulsion, it is the
dungeon master and he decides who, how and how much plays). In the
Communities, the Master of Masters is temporarily elected and is
it is in charge of coordinating the development of activities or sessions. At home
particular coincides with the host, unless they are recognized among the Dominants
someone with more credit, expertise, or experience than him and delegate that task.
The existence of the Slave of slaves, others call it Slave Guardian, others
Slave Guide; fulfills the same function as those previously described.
When it comes to applying discipline to a bad behavior of a
Dominant is where great discussions arise. In the common case, it is ...
determinan cuatro situaciones: Aviso, Amonestación, Exclusión, Denuncia
Notice: You must stop the session development at that moment and are redirected.
guided until it was concluded. Away from the stage, accompanied and
isolated in feedback, the observed behavior is analyzed and how
redirect it. This fact is not considered punishable; on the contrary, it
it is considered very safe and is common: a meal that causes discomfort; a drink
with undesirable effect; a subspace with untimely reactions; to pass
a forgotten safeword; or simply a meddler who dedicates themselves to
taking photos of a scene without permission... or the one who starts talking on the phone-
cell phone at the moment most
inadequate. If the warning is recognized, return to the stage. If it does not recognize the
Notice, you are invited to leave the place.
Warning: It is in the previous cases that it does not recognize the notice and
perseveres in inappropriate behavior and does not heed the indication of
abandon the place of the Master of Masters. It is delivered a day or two later.
if the incident had occurred, offering different options depending on
the cause: Withdrawal
temporal of the encounters; Practice with a Master Guide or Tutor; or a time with
a participation - passive, attends but does not actively play. In any case,
the reprimand is a subsequent dialogue, understanding and seeks the
consent. It is a right of the admonished to be heard and to act in their defense,
contributing as many considerations or witnesses as deemed appropriate. It proceeds
to reexamine the content of your reprimand, its withdrawal, or its ratification.
Exclusion: The most stringent measure taken in BDSM communities to
internal level. If the reprimanded person does not agree to redirect their
behavior and practice, we proceed to inform you that you are excluded from
the meetings that the group or community may have. Just like the
warning, exists with the excluded a
encounter and a dialogue.
Complaint: It is understood as the legitimate right of any citizen to
to resort to the protection of their personal and legal rights. In BDSM this is a
the personal and non-transferable right of each person is never denied,
each practitioner is free to practice it always, always and independently
whether the BDSM Community has begun the preliminary steps or not
previously explained.
Document taken from the BDSM Friends.