Practicing Self-Love to Improve Well-Being

 Definition
 Signs
 Importance
 Developing self-love
 Takeaway
Balanced self-love is a commitment to your personal happiness and well-being through self-
compassion, acceptance, and kindness.
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Love is a universal experience that exists in various forms. You can love your family, spouse, or
pets. All of these loving relationships come with different dimensions of trust, affection, security,
and support.
Loving others is often easier than loving yourself. We tend to be our own worst critics, treating
ourselves worse than we would ever treat those closest to us.
Learning to build your self-love doesn’t mean growing arrogance or self-centeredness. It means
learning to treat yourself with the same care and respect you show for your loved ones.
What is self-love?
Self-love is a concept in positive psychology that promotes well-being. As an intangible
experience, its definition varies across literature, but it’s generally defined as a multidimensional
state of balancing focus on yourself with:
 kindness
 acceptance
 support
 nurturance
Self-love is love, just directed inward.
One study from 2021Trusted Source suggests self-love is comprised of five components:
 self-cherishing
 self-acceptance
 self-restraint
 self-responsibility
 self-persistence
According to the study authors, these components appear in your life across four dimensions:
self, family, others, and society.
In other words, when you show self-love, it affects more than just you — it impacts how you
engage with the world around you.
In a regression analysis from 2023Trusted Source, researchers define self-love as an attitude
of kindness toward yourself that features self-contact (paying attention to yourself), self-
acceptance, and self-care.
In that analysis, self-love was found to be a significant predictor of flourishing and pro-social
behavior.
Signs of self-love
Self-love isn’t a concrete construct. It can look different for everyone but typically involves
thoughts and behaviors that promote a compassionate relationship with yourself.
Signs of self-love can include:
 setting and upholding personal boundaries
 using positive self-talk and not harsh criticism
 being kind and forgiving to yourself if you make a mistake or feel inadequate
 treating yourself with empathy as you would a friend experiencing the same challenge
 participating in activities that promote your mental and physical well-being
 valuing yourself enough to pursue new goals or learn new skills
 accepting your strengths and weaknesses to let go of unreasonable expectations
 considering yourself rather than always putting others first
 celebrating or acknowledging your achievements
 feeling comfortable to live by your personal beliefs and values rather than conform to
external standards
The key to self-love is finding balance. You don’t have to always put yourself first, for example,
but you should consider your mental and physical well-being when making decisions. Or, you
don’t have to always celebrate your accomplishments publicly, but be proud of yourself privately.
Why is self-love important?
A growing body of research suggests that self-love and many of its components, like self-
compassion and self-connectedness, are important to human resilience and well-being.
Self-love is a powerful psychological tool for building a greater sense of self-worth and confidence
and for increasing overall life satisfaction. It may also help improve symptoms of mental health
challenges like depression, anxiety, and stress. Its benefits can also extend to physical health.
When you practice self-love, researchTrusted Source suggests it puts you in a state of mind that
naturally encourages healthy behaviors like eating right, exercising, and engaging in stress
reduction strategies.
Self-love can also help shape how you view and interact with the world around you. When you’re
able to be kind, forgiving, and compassionate to yourself, those qualities are easily translated
into your interpersonal relationships and engagement with society.
How to love yourself
It’s OK if you find self-love difficult. Many people do and for many different reasons. Self-love is
something you can build, and you can do it one step at a time by focusing on a particular goal,
such as:
  learning to set and maintain personal boundaries
 developing effective communication skills
 making a habit of asking yourself if you would treat a friend as you’re treating yourself
 challenging negative self-talk
 planning and sticking to a self-care routine
 keeping a self-love journal to celebrate your accomplishments or positive experiences from
each day
 making time for activities that bring you joy
 using guided meditations to build self-forgiveness and acceptance
 surrounding yourself with positive support networks and influences
 keeping a journal to reflect and explore your thoughts
Mindfulness is a tool that might help you on your self-love journey no matter which goal you’re
focusing on. It’s a state of in-the-moment awareness in which you focus on what’s happening
“now” and not fixate on things that happened or could happen.
Mindfulness teaches you how to view your thoughts and experiences without judgment.
You can learn about mindfulness on your own through books or other media, or you can learn
from a professional trained in mindfulness.
If you’re not sure where to start your self-love journey, working with a mental health professional
can help you discover areas where you may need to build self-love and ways to accomplish it.
Takeaway
Self-love is a positive psychology concept that focuses on treating yourself with the same
empathetic love and kindness you would someone close to you. It’s a balanced approach to
considering your personal needs and treating yourself with compassion.
Learning to set and maintain boundaries, boosting your communication skills, and setting a self-
care routine are all steps toward improving self-love. Working closely with a mental health
professional can also support your journey.
Last medically reviewed on September 27, 2024
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symptoms, anxiety, and stress: A meta-analysis.
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perceived stress and health-promoting behaviors.
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analysis on their links to psychological problems and wellbeing.
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and flourishing.
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 Wang T, et al. (2024). Self-compassion moderates the relationship between neuroticism
and depression in junior high school students.
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Medically reviewed by Bethany Juby, PsyD — Written by Hope Gillette — Updated on September
27, 2024
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Understanding How Low Self-Esteem May Impact Your Relationship
 Impact
 Signs
 Causes
 Coping tips
 Takeaway
Low self-esteem can affect your perception of self-worth and willingness to trust in a relationship.
This may make it difficult to navigate a healthy relationship, but it’s not impossible.
Dealing with low self-esteem can be difficult, especially when you’re trying to develop and
maintain an emotionally healthy relationship.
Low self-esteem can negatively affect your sense of self-worth and your ability to express
yourself openly. This can directly impact how you:
 overcome feelings of distrust
 provide emotional support to your partner
 establish and maintain personal boundaries
 cope with unhealthy behaviors within the relationship
Despite the challenges you may face during this time, it’s still possible to develop a loving
relationship. Prioritizing self-love and practicing healthy communication can benefit your
personal and relational well-being.
Can low self-esteem affect your relationship?
Low self-esteem can impact relationships by highlighting a lack of confidence and constant self-
doubt. It can cause you to doubt your partner’s affection or intentions because of your perceived
flaws.
Living with low self-esteem can make it hard to believe that love and value exist in your
relationship. This can potentially lead to problems that interfere with having a healthy and
supportive relationship.
According to Briana Sefcik, MS, LCSW, CSAT, and director of trauma and family wellness at The
Last Resort Recovery Center, signs of low self-esteem include:
 being overly self-criticalTrusted Source
 having trouble accepting compliments
 extreme jealousy
 constantly seeking reassurance or validation
 avoiding social situations or distancing themselves
 fear of failure
Low self-esteem is also characterized by:
 perfectionism
 being afraid of a challenge
 feeling like you’re unworthy
 often doubting your partner’s feelings or intentions
 fearing rejection
 feeling unlovable
What does low self-esteem look like in a relationship?
Licensed Psychotherapist at D’Amore Mental Health, Gary Tucker, explained that “Low self-
esteem may cause confusion, emotional distance or even conflicts.”
This may manifest in the following ways:
 constantly seeking validation from your partner
 taking personal offense to constructive criticism
 questioning your partner’s faithfulness due to insecurities
 withholding affection to protect yourself from vulnerability
 avoiding open communication to prevent conflict or rejectionTrusted Source
Causes of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can stem from many reasons. Identifying why you may feel unworthy can help
your partner understand you better. Some of the causesTrusted Source of low self-esteem
include:
 Childhood experiences: neglect, abuse, harsh criticism, or impossible standards
 Negative self-talk: often associated with negative thought patterns and hyper-focus on
flaws
 Comparison: comparing yourself to others in terms of beauty, success, and popularity
 Past traumas: bullying, rejection, or negative peer influence
 Facing repeated failures academically or professionally
 Previous relationships: having a toxic relationship in the past
 Physical changes: weight fluctuations, aging, developing skin disorders
How to deal with low self-esteem in a relationship
If you’re dealing with low self-esteem in relationships, you can find ways to strengthen and
sustain your relationship. Some ways to deal with low self-esteem in a relationship include:
Communicate openly
According to a large studyTrusted Source, low self-esteem to significantly associated with
negative thought patterns, anxiety, and depression. However, developing healthy coping
techniques and resiliency can improve your well-being.
Resilience involves vulnerability, so it may take time. Consider communicating with your partner,
trusted loved ones, or a mental health professional who can offer support in cultivating resiliency.
Expressing your thoughts and emotions to your partner can help them understand how they can
support you in the relationship. It also allows them to offer reassurance and encouragement.
You may also discuss personal boundaries to clearly communicate what you will and will not
accept. This can offer a framework for how someone can support you.
Prioritize self-care
Self-care is defined as the ability to care for yourself through awareness, self-control,
and believing in yourself. It involves treating yourself with the kindness and respect you’d show
your closest friends and loved ones.
Practicing self-care can improve self-esteem and potentially help you gain a sense of
purpose. ResearchTrusted Source indicates that having a high sense of purpose can increase
connectedness and stability within your relationship. In turn, nurturing a healthy relationship can
also help you maintain a sense of purpose over time.
Similar to practicing open communication, receiving support from your partner can increase self-
efficacyTrusted Source and help you gain a sense of purpose.
Consider exercising, engaging in your hobbies, or spending quality time with your friends and
family. These are ideal ways to boost your self-esteem and minimize the impact on your
relationship.
Talk with a professional
Low self-esteem can be hard to overcome, especially if it’s been an issue for many years. Talking
with a professional might be a good option when you can’t seem to release the negative feelings,
especially if they impact your daily life and relationships.
Psychotherapist Spencer Chernick encourages therapy by explaining, “We simply can’t know
what we don’t know, so having the assistance of a different and trained perspective can do
wonders in an individual or couples setting.”
A therapist can help you develop strategies for improving your self-esteem and limiting how it
impacts your relationship.
Supporting your partner if they have low self-esteem
If your partner lives with low self-esteem, offering support can improve their perception of
themselves. You may support your partner in the following ways:
 active listening
 tell them their strengths
 compliment them
 set realistic goals
 express appreciation
 ask for their input or guidance
 show interest in their passions and hobbies
 plan dates that make them feel special
 avoid comparing them to others
 use positive words
For further support, consider visiting our resource page on helping someone with low self-
esteem.
Takeaway
Low self-esteem can impact your relationship, potentially contributing to:
 jealousy
 insecurity
 trouble communicating
 a constant need for validation
When you understand the impact of low self-esteem on your relationship, you can find strategies
that work for you and your partner. Low self-esteem doesn’t have to lead to the demise of your
relationship, so consider trying these techniques to see what works for you.
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initiative and academic self-efficacy.
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image.
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 Hagen R, et al. (2020). Protective and vulnerability factors in self-esteem: The role of
metacognitions, brooding, and resilience.
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 Kopala-Sibley DC, et al. (2018). Self-criticism and dependency in female adolescents:
Prediction of first onsets and disentangling the relationships between personality, stressful
life events, and internalizing psychopathology.
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 Martínez N, et al. (2021). Self-care: A concept analysis.
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 Luerssen A, et al. (2017). Putting yourself on the line: Self-esteem and expressing affection
in romantic relationships.
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%202017_SelfEsteem_PSPB.pdf
 Pfund GN, et al. (2022). Correlated change in sense of purpose and romantic relationship
quality.
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 Richter J, et al. (2021). Transactions between self-esteem and perceived conflict in
romantic relationships: A 5-year longitudinal study.
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 Romantic Relationships.(n.d.).
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 Sefcik B. (2024). Personal interview.
 Tucker G. (2024). Personal interview.
Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST-S — Written by Sarah Barkley — Updated on
August 28, 2024
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Finding Yourself: How to Develop a Strong Sense of Self
 Definition
 Why it's important
 What impacts sense of self
 How to strengthen your sense of self
 Recap
Your sense of self often reveals your perspective of who you are your intrinsic value.
Each person holds a mental mirror within that reflects how you judge yourself and your identity,
for better or worse. The image you have of yourself in your head is what psychologists call “self-
concept,” or your sense of self.
Your sense of self and how you perceive your identity can influence how you view your
successes, failures, and overall purpose in the world.
Possessing a strong sense of self involves looking within to gain personal insight at how you
value, think, and feel about yourself.
What is sense of self?
Sense of self is how you perceive yourself as a whole. It’s how your unique identity sets you
apart from others.
Also referred to as self-concept, sense of self often guides your judgement and can also influence
your temperament and behavior.
This sense of identity — who and what you believe you are — is often multifaceted. It can
encompass perception of your values, personality, and relationships.
You might perceive yourself differently based on roles you fill in your life, such as a parent or
sibling, compared to your other roles at work and in your personal life. And yet, you are still the
same person.
‘Strong’ sense of self
Accepting yourself for who you are can be an important element for building a strong sense of
self. Understanding that no perfect human being exists and that everyone makes mistakes at
times can also strengthen your sense of self.
A strong sense of self — the extent to which a person may enjoy a clear and coherent sense of
self — is sometimes called “self-concept clarity.”
For example, people who have have faith in their self-worth are often less likely to fall apart when
criticized. Or, you might be more comfortable taking a risk because you have more confidence in
your ability to bounce back when things don’t work out.
‘Poor’ sense of self
People who don’t possess a strong sense of self might have a “loud” or persistent inner critic —
a nagging voice inside your head that can tear down your confidence and leave you feeling
hopeless.
Signs that your sense of self might need a boost include:
 difficulty making decisions
 people-pleasing behaviors
 feeling “directionless”
 constant self-criticism
Authenticity and a strong sense of self
Striving to be authentic can lead you to a stronger sense of self. Researchers regard authenticity
as the most fundamental aspect of well-being and the essence of healthy functioning.
Jill Osborne, a licensed counselor from Georgia, says part of living your authentic self is being
honest with yourself and others about who you are, both with your strengths and short comings.
Authenticity can also mean being open to change if necessary, she says.
If you take the time to think about your beliefs and are willing to take a stand on something that
is important to you, then it’s likely that you have a strong sense of self.
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The importance of having a strong sense of self
Research from 2014 indicates a coherent sense of identity may be associated with a
person’s self-esteem and sense of purpose.
A strong sense of self can allow you to trust your abilities and judgement, as well as maintain
self-confidence to set goals and accomplish them.
Effects of low sense of self
On the other hand, some research indicates that being unclear about your self-concept may be
connected to:
 low self-esteem
 chronic self-analysis
 high neuroticism
Such uncertainty could spark negative or unhelpful thinking that can harm your mental health
over time.
For example, your sense of self could deteriorate or weaken if you repeatedly say things like:
 “I’m not good enough”
 “I’m stupid”
 “I look ugly”
 “nobody likes me”
Factors that can impact your sense of self
Strong personal belief in your value and what you have to offer is a key factor in developing or
maintaining a strong sense of self.
Growing up in a stable household with supportive parents or caregivers can often be the “seed of
self-worth” that continues to grow with you as you become an adult, notes Osborne.
People who have a poor vision of themselves may have experienced abuse or trauma. Osborne
says she reminds her clients that bad things that happened to you in the past don’t have to take
over and define how you view yourself or live your life today.
How to develop and strengthen your sense of self
Your internal dialogue and inner critic can reveal important clues to what you like or dislike about
yourself, guiding you to consider traits you might want to improve and illuminating others that
may deserve to be celebrated.
Here are some things to consider on developing and strengthening your sense of self.
Nurture yourself
“Anything you can do to nurture the positive side of yourself can help,” notes Osborne.
If you feel disconnected to your true self, consider how you spend your free time and whether
your activities send messages that support and build confidence.
Surround yourself with support
Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help you see the best in yourself, which can
strengthen your sense of self.
Turning to faith or spirituality can also be beneficial for developing sense of self.
Osborne, who relies on her faith for strength, says that having a spiritual path — or “something
bigger than yourself” — can help ground you and offer support when times are tough.
Heal past wounds
Addressing emotional wounds and healing from past traumas can be helpful in improving your
sense of self, Osborne explains.
Seeking therapy is one way to address a low sense of self. A therapist or counselor can help you
identify possible causes for lacking confidence or disconnection with yourself. They can also
teach you important coping skills and strategies for building confidence.
Let’s recap
Your sense of self — how you perceive your value — may be connected to your self-esteem and
feeling like you understand your “purpose” in life.
When you don’t have a strong sense of self, you might feel directionless or overly critical of
yourself.
A strong sense of self may be connected to your belief in yourself, or rooted in your upbringing.
People who lack a strong sense of self may have experienced adverse or traumatic events.
Understanding the totality of who you are can foster a deep appreciation of your sense of self.
Embracing the positive aspects of your personality bolsters your self-esteem and can support
you in living an authentic life.
Consider the following to help cultivate a strong sense of self:
 Take time to analyze what your thoughts say about the type of person you are. Do you
think of yourself as someone who is smart, funny, kind, and competent?
 Try to believe in who you are and the person you can become. Thinking of yourself as a
“work in progress” can help lower the volume on your inner critic.
 Exercise your mental muscle of self-awareness. Regular examination of how you think and
feel about yourself can foster greater insight and appreciation of your sense of self.
Therapy can also help you sort out any negative feelings about yourself. If you’re ready to get
help but don’t know where to begin, check out Psych Central’s guide to finding mental health
support.