Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 4 (I. E.
Worksheet 3)
Clarifying Goals in Interpersonal Situations
Objectives Effectiveness: Getting What You Want from Another Person
•• Obtaining your legitimate rights.
•• Getting another person to do something you want that person to do.
•• Saying no to an unwanted or unreasonable request.
•• Resolving an interpersonal conflict.
•• Getting your opinion or point of view taken seriously.
Questions
1. What specific results or changes do I want from this interaction?
2. What do I have to do to get the results? What will work?
Relationship Effectiveness: Keeping and Improving the Relationship
•• Acting in such a way that the other person keeps liking and respecting you.
•• Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long-term relationship.
•• Maintaining relationships that matter to you.
Questions
1. How do I want the other person to feel about me after the interaction is over (whether or
not I get the results or changes I want)?
2. What do I have to do to get (or keep) this relationship?
Self-Respect Effectiveness: Keeping or Improving Self-Respect
•• Respecting your own values and beliefs.
•• Acting in a way that makes you feel moral.
•• Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and effective.
Questions
1. How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over (whether or not I get the
results or changes I want)?
2. What do I have to do to feel that way about myself? What will work?
From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission
to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details).
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Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 7 (I. E. Worksheets 4, 5) «
Guidelines for Self-Respect Effectiveness:
Keeping Respect for Yourself (FAST)
A way to remember these skills is to remember the word FAST (DEAR MAN, GIVE FAST).
(Be) Fair
(No) Apologies
Stick to Values
(Be) Truthful
(Be)
F
Be fair to yourself and to the other person.
Remember to validate your own feelings and wishes,
air as well as the other person’s.
Don’t overapologize.
No apologizing for being alive or for making a request at all.
(No)
A
No apologies for having an opinion, for disagreeing.
No looking ashamed, with eyes and head down or body slumped.
pologies No invalidating the valid.
Stick to your own values.
S
Don’t sell out your values or integrity for reasons that aren’t very important.
Be clear on what you believe is the moral or valued way of thinking and
tick to values acting, and “stick to your guns.”
(Be)
T ruthful
Don’t lie. Don’t act helpless when you are not.
Don’t exaggerate or make up excuses.
Other ideas:
From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission
to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details).
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Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheet 3 (I. E. Handout 4)
Clarifying Priorities in Interpersonal Situations
Due Date: Name: Week Starting:
Use this sheet to figure out your goals and priorities in any situation that creates a problem for you.
Examples include situations where (1) your rights or wishes are not being respected; (2) you want
someone to do or change something or give you something; (3) you want or need to say no or resist
pressure to do something; (4) you want to get your position or point of view taken seriously; (5) there
is conflict with another person; or (6) you want to improve your relationship with someone.
Observe and describe in writing as close in time to the situation as possible. Write on the back of
this sheet if you need more room.
Prompting event for my problem: Who did what to whom? What led up to what?
What is it about this situation that is a problem for me?
Remember to check the facts!
My wants and desires in this situation:
Objectives: What specific results do I want? What do I want this person to do, stop or accept?
Relationship: How do I want the other person to feel and think about me because of how I
handle the interaction (whether or not I get what I want from the other person)?
Self-Respect: How do I want to feel or think about myself because of how I handle the
interaction (whether or not I get what I want from the other person)?
My priorities in this situation: Rate priorities 1 (most important), 2 (second most important), or 3
(least important).
Objectives Relationship Self-respect
Imbalances and conflicts in priorities that make it hard to be effective in this situation:
From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permis-
sion to photocopy this worksheet is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details). Purchasers may
download a larger version of this worksheet from www.guilford.com/dbt-worksheets.
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