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NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION -A LITERATURE REVIEW
Article · August 2023
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International Journal of Current Research and Applied Studies, (IJCRAS)
ISSN: 2583-6781
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Volume 2 Issue 1 January-February 2023
Page 01-12
NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION - A LITERATURE REVIEW
Sílvia Costa Pinto1 and Maria Nascimento Cunha2
1
Universidade Fernando Pessoa
2
CIAC - Centro de Investigação em Artes e Comunicação
ABSTRACT
This research aims to contribute to the reflexive process in which it appears to combine the relationship
between Grammar, Language and Communication in themselves. Finding, in this sense, valid reasons
capable of validating this creative and empowering process of healthier and more peaceful human
relations. It is also intended to demonstrate nonviolent communication is directly related to linguistic
forms (verbal, oral and written language, and non-verbal language).
The present study aims to objectively approach the theory of nonviolent communication by Marshall B.
Rosenberg (2021), reporting almost exclusively as bibliographic support to the author's book "Nonviolent
Communication: the secret to communicating successfully" which, in addition to being a reference work
in the approach to this theme, has, for the research team, the intention of honoring the author as a person,
as a professional and as a human being, and humbly contributing to his cause, sharing the message.
Keywords: Nonviolent Communication; Language; To communicate; Empathy; Human relations.
INTRODUCTION
We live today, a reality where violence, conflicts and miscommunication so often under base of disruptive
misunderstandings and generating profound psychological and emotional traumas.
It is therefore urgent to find intelligent formats capable of delineating the coexistence between individuals,
leading them to put aside disruptive and unnecessary idiosyncrasies for their good development and for
the healthy well-being of society.
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Obviously aware that the human being has come to this world able to embrace the challenge of survival,
it seems important to reiterate that the same human being is also fit for violence, physical or verbal.
Especially if, at some point, this same human being feels threatened or is simply led to believe that
violence is the most correct action or even the most anticipated in a given circumstance.
Wrongly and on a path, often of suffering and pain, perpetuates wrong ways of thinking and speaking. It
is these moments that feed what we commonly call misunderstandings that generate evil and that lead the
human being, and society in general, to a path of pain, suffering and in the last case of war.
And it is precisely with the ambition to empower the human being, as an individual, and society in general,
that it becomes important to open the way to the awareness of the existence of an opposite path.
It is notorious that knowing how to do, know how to hear, knowing how to talk, seem to be easy processes
once seized, but this is not at all reality. Having the ability to understand others and make ourselves
understood is manifestly more difficult than it seems.
It is precisely in order to build a better society that the author Marshall Rosenberg (1934-2015) shares, in
his work, what he calls a method of non-violent communication. According to this method, the correct
and stealthy articulation of skills such as consciousness, language, communication and influence
accompanied by empathy, collaboration, authenticity and freedom, lead the most common of mortals to
be able to communicate successfully (Rosenberg, 2021).
Brief historical review
Founder of CNV - Center for Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg was an American
psychologist recognized worldwide for implementing a culture of peace. This culture had its added value
both in the personal sphere and in areas of great tension. By creating connections of compassion, Marshall
resolved conflicts through peaceful dialogues.
The author was born on October 6, 1934, in Canton, Ohio and died on February 7, 2015, at home, at the
age of 80, leaving nonviolent communication as a gift to humanity.
He graduated in psychology, later a PhD student in Clinical Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-
Madison. He devoted himself to the area of clinical psychology, but never put aside the area of social.
Over time he became increasingly restless, much due to traditional methods of intervention that did not
fill the emptiness and the need for knowledge and evolution. Then begins a large process of searching for
potential solutions capable of being used in conflict resolution (Rosenberg, 2021).
From an early age, Marshall wondered whether some people treat themselves with cruelty and violence,
while others remain attuned to their compassionate nature even in the worst circumstances. Marshall noted
that communication plays a crucial role. You understand that speaking and listening to you have the ability
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to connect human beings to each other.
It was influenced by Gandhi's conception of nonviolence, which the author refers to the natural
compassionate state. The idyllic moment when violence moves away from the heart. "Nonviolence is the
means. Truth is the end" (Gandhi, 1985).
In the early 1960s, Marshall Rosenberg founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication
(http://www.cnvc.org), with the aim of disseminating nonviolent communication around the world,
teaching people of all ages, genders, ethnicities, culture and socio-economic dimension, a more efficient
alternative to conflict resolution.
Nonverbal Communication leads the human being to relationships with one another, but also with
themselves, so that human relationships become increasingly pleasurable, but also comfortable and
appropriate.
Nonverbal communication is therefore more than a process or language. On a deeper level, it is a
permanent reminder to keep your attention focused on how you act on a daily basis.
It offers a structure of reconnection with the needs of others and others, providing the development of
important social skills for dialogue and peace, in the most difficult moments, from family situations to
major diplomatic conflicts.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) is located in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and its
creation was based on experiences in mediation teaching and communication techniques that Marshall
used while working with civil rights activists around the world.
Through the Center for Nonviolent Communication, Marshall had the opportunity to disseminate his
knowledge not only and only in the U.S., but in more than 60 countries around the world. Acting in war-
torn areas and economically disadvantaged countries and offering training in Nonviolent Communication
to promote reconciliation and the peaceful settlement of differences. This Centre has all the value and
capabilities to promote and make a difference (Rosenberg, 2006).
Rosenberg trained individuals who in turn formed other individuals within their own communities, in
different contexts, professionals, educational, political, personal and family, in the own languages of each
individual, endorsing them with tools with positive results.
The beginning of an empirical approach
Animated, like many in his personal and professional choices, by his experiences and memories, he
founded his work based on two premises and two central questions of investigation.
The author believed that it is in the intrinsic nature of the human being to like to give and receive with
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compassion (Rosenberg, 2021, p.17) but also believed, and at the same time, that violence was seen as
likely to exist pleasantly in our society.
This fact is effectively noticeable by television programming and especially by sports games - moments
when the hero is always the strongest character. However, not only television programmes can assess
these issues. Often the simple way to talk to the neighbor or the reactions in traffic convey precious
information.
It should be reiterated that even parents often act violently with their children when, for example, they
consciously or unconsciously use verbal violence, for moments disguised as education.
And it is precisely this type of situation that has led the author to two central questions that have always
accompanied him:
- What kind of factor exists with the ability to disconnect the human being from this solidary nature,
leading him to a violent behavior and the exploitation of the other? (Rosenberg, 2021, p.17).
- What kind of factor is there capable of allowing some human beings to remain connected to their
compassion even in limit circumstances? (Rosenberg, 2021, p.17)
In the search for plausible answers to questions such as these, the author says he is impressed by the crucial
role of language and the use of words:
While studying the factors that affect our ability to remain compassionate, I was impressed by the crucial
role of language and the use of words (Rosenberg, 2006, p. 21).
From that moment on the author identifies a specific approach to communication - speaking and listening
- that leads the human being to contribute from the bottom of the heart, connecting himself and others so
that compassion comes naturally. And to this approach Rosenberg calls nonviolent communication
(Rosenberg, 2021, pp. 18-19).
Thus, the correct perception of the sum of importance of making a bridge between language studies and
nonviolent communication is born, something that Rosenberg already promotes throughout his work. To
check the speeches in Giraffe Language and Jackal Language. However, it is necessary to further deepen
this point so crucial for the establishment of communication, especially in the aspects of body language,
which remained ignored by the author's production.
It is evident that his theory did not have the thematic clipping of studying the signs of gestures and body
postures, but the psychologist himself admits the complexity of communication to only analyze the violent
or peaceful nature in verbal language:
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However, the CNV is not merely a language, nor a set of techniques for using words; the awareness and intention
that the CNV encompasses may well be expressed by silence (a characteristic of being present), facial expression
and body language (ROSENBERG, 2006, p. 33).
Since body language is somewhat ubiquitous, because it is not absent even when verbal language is
silent, the need to approach the CNV from this form of communication remains crystal clear.
Communicate
Communicating is part of the essence of the human being. Once the capacity has been acquired, it may
seem easy to communicate, but nothing is further from the truth. The human being will only be able to
communicate effectively in a non-violent way when he is able to express how he is and how he would like
to be, indicating a specific behavior to the other, without confusing facts with opinions.
In the light of these ideas, after identifying unpleasant behaviors it is important to remember that the CNV
does not require full objectivity or abstention from evaluation. It only requires that the observations be
separate from the evaluations (Rosenberg, 201, p. 46).
The objective of can is not to change people and their behavior to achieve what we want, but to establish
relationships based on sincerity and empathy, and that will end up meeting the needs of all (Rosenberg,
2021, p. 114).
Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once said that observing without assessing is the highest form of
human intelligence. At first reading, the idea even seems like real nonsense (Rosenberg, 2021, pp. 48-49).
The communication processes
Exchange ideas, communicate, have a productive and yet enriching dialogue with one or more people.
These are simple and even commonly asked desires, but they are often fruitless and cannot be understood
why.
The communication process has to be a two-way path. It can be affirmed that it is a give and receive, in a
flexible way, adapted to the contexts.
- Give (express) sincerely through the four components.
- Receive (listen) with empathy through the four components (Rosenberg, 2021, p. 24).
Long ago, a century before the birth of Christ, an old and celebrated Roman poet, Publius Sirius, said: We
are interested in others when they are interested in us. A demonstration of interest, like all the principles
of human relations, must be sincere.
Language forms
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The CNV is based on communication and language skills, which has as main focus the authentic
connection between people, preserving our ability to remain human.
Before talking about nonviolent language, one must define what is understood by language and
communication.
On the one hand, the term "communication" has its origin in Latin, whose meaning was close to "sharing
among all" or "making common". Therefore, in its essence, the exchange of information is the greatest
definition of what it is to communicate; this includes ideas, abstract concepts, behaviors, and written
content. In other words, communication is to bring information from one point to another in several ways:
verbal and nonverbal.
On the other hand, language designates the ability of every human being to normally be constituted, to
learn and use one or more systems of verbal signs to communicate with their fellow men and to represent
the world (Doron & Parot, 2001).
Language itself is divided into:
Verbal language that is one that is formed by words, whether in writing or speech. In everyday language,
for example, the human being makes a lot of use of verbal language to communicate. The examples of
verbal language would be: dialogue between two people, a book, a letter, a lecture, among others.
Nonverbal language that is the type of language that does not contain words but has visual scans. The
examples of nonverbal language would be: images, plates, body language, drawings, gestures.
Nonverbal communication, on the other hand, is opposed to verbal communication, being conceived for
a long time as language in the strict sense. (Doron & Parot, 2001).
Violent Language - Jackal Language
The Jackal is a predatory, aggressive animal belonging to the fox family. It has a howl that can be quite
uncomfortable for people, because the sound resembles a loud scream or a siren.
The Jackal metaphor represents the shallow look at things, communication with little connection, little
breadth and poor understanding. It is a language that blocks the connection between people, taking the
form of moralistic judgment, a communication focused on evaluating what is right or wrong, what is good
or bad, correct or incorrect.
The purpose of Jackal language is to criticize, judge, think you know what is happening inside the other,
interfering with your self-perception. In this type of language, we often behave as victims and insist that
our needs be met, without considering the needs of the other, becoming a communication based on demand
and devoid of empathy.
Thus, the motivation of the jackal language ends up being fear, guilt, shame, duty, reward, punishment.
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And this communication usually leads to more exhausting, more divergent and hostile forms of
relationships (Rosenberg ,2021).
Rosenberg states that language is often used violently, manifesting this violence in two ways: using a
jackal language and denying the choice made, placing responsibility in the system or hierarchies:
The common use of the expression to have to (as in "there are things you have to do whether you like it
or not") illustrates how personal responsibility for one's own acts can be hidden by speech. The expression
"make someone feel" (as in "make me feel guilty") is another example of how language facilitates the
denial of personal responsibility for feelings and thoughts (Rosenberg ,2021).
To mention that the human being denies responsibility for his acts when he assigned them:
• Dark and impersonal forces
• To the condition. Evaluation, personal or psychological history.
• The acts of others.
• At the behest of authorities.
• Group pressure.
• Institutional policies, rules and norms.
• A Roles determined by gender, age and social position.
• Uncontrollable impulses (Rosenberg, 2021, pp. 38-39).
Nonviolent Language - Giraffe Language
As an alternative to this Jackal language, Rosenberg proposes a giraffe-language, which would be a
nonviolent language, the result of the awareness of choices: "We can replace a language that implies a
lack of options with another that recognizes the options." (Rosenberg, 2021, p.40).
The giraffe is the earthly mammal with the largest heart. The long neck offers her protection by allowing
her to possess the ability to see far into the future, to achieve things that are unattainable for others, and
to stay out of intrigue. For blood to rise to the giraffe's head, its heart must be 43 times stronger than that
of humans. With such a strong heart, the giraffe illustrates in the CNV the language of the heart, a way of
communicating with the broader look at situations, devoid of value judgment, only observing with
empathy and an affectionate connection.
The purpose of giraffe language is to create a quality of connection so that we can give (express needs in
a compassionate and harmonious way) and RECEIVE (be in the presence of the negative emotions of the
other, without being crossed by them, remaining in compassionate posture). Thus, listening to the pain of
the other in an empathic way helps to understand what is present, beyond the dirt of the person's mind
(Rosenberg, 2021, p.40).
The CNV model - Nonviolent communication
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According to the bibliography, it is possible to affirm that nonverbal communication is based on language
and communication skills that strengthen in the human being the ability to maintain humanity, even in
adverse conditions (Rosenberg, 2021, p.19).
The technique is based on language and communication skills that help in the reformulation of the way
each one expresses and listens to the other. The author proposes that, with non-violent communication
(CNV), responses to communication allocated stimuli are no longer automatic and repetitive and become
more conscious and based on perceptions of the moment, through the observation of behaviors and factors
that have an influence on each one. Through active and deep listening, the method causes interactions to
occur with more respect, attention and empathy, as advocated by the psychologist.
With regard to language skills, Rosenberg (2006, p. 103) states that, first, one must clearly express what
is intended and reiterate what is not intended, avoiding some words as a way of alleviating potential
conflicts.
Thus, in the context of effective conflict, the word "no", for example, would be adequately replaced by a
positive expression. In the case of adverbs of denial, for example, one could avoid adverbs of intensity
and frequency, such as "too much", "little", "too much", "always", "never" and the like.
For its part, words as often and rarely can also contribute to confuse observation with evaluation
(Rosenberg, 2006, p. 57)
The CNV model – Nonviolent communication presented by Rosenberg is divided into 4 fundamental
components, addressed in chapters 3 to 6 of the book: Observation, Feelings, Needs and Requests:
Observation
Observe without evaluating. First, it is necessary to observe what is really happening in a given situation.
The author suggests questioning whether the message that is being well received, either through speech
or actions. It is necessary to understand if there is a need to add something in a positive way. The secret
is to make this observation without creating a value judgment, just understanding what one likes and what
one does not like about what is happening and what the other does.
Feeling
Express how we feel. After observing, it is necessary to understand what feeling the observation arouses.
It is important to name what you feel, for example, hurt, fear, happiness, anger, among others. The author
also states that it is important to allow oneself to be vulnerable to resolve conflicts and to know the
difference between what you feel and what you think or interpret. Developing a vocabulary of feelings
that allows us to clearly and specifically name or identify our emotions more easily connects us with each
other. (Rosenberg, 2021, p 67).
Needs
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Recognition of the root of our feelings. (Rosenberg, 2021, p 71). From the understanding of which feeling
awakened, it is necessary to recognize what needs are linked to it. Rosenberg points out that when someone
expresses their needs, there is a greater possibility that they will be met and that the awareness of these
three components comes from a clear and honest personal analysis.
The third component of the CNV is the recognition of the needs behind feelings, what others
say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause of feelings. When someone communicates
with themselves in a negative way, we have four options to receive this message: (1) blame
ourselves, (2) blame others, (3)perceive one's own feelings and needs, (4) perceive the feelings
and needs hidden in other people's negative message. The judgments, criticisms, evaluations
and interpretations of others are, all of them, expressions alienated from our needs and values
(Rosenberg, 2021, pp. 85-86).
In this third component, the need for self-awareness is notorious so that it is possible to identify the needs
that are not met when we feel in a certain way and the author names some basic needs that we all share as
humans: autonomy (choice), celebration, integrity, interdependence, leisure, spiritual communion and
physical needs. (Rosenberg, 2021, pp. 78-79).
Request
What we would like to ask others to do with this enrich our lives. (Rosenberg, 2021, p.93). Through a
specific request, linked to concrete actions, it is possible to make clear what one wants from the other
person, in order to see our needs met. The expert recommends using a positive, clear and concrete
language, revealing what we really need, avoiding errors of interpretation or confusion. The form of
affirmation must be used to place the order. Avoid abstract, vague or ambiguous phrases (Rosenberg,
2021, p.22-23). Care should be taken to validate that our request reaches the other as a request and not as
a requirement. To do so, we can help others trust that we make a request, not a requirement, if we affirm
our desire that they attend to us only if they can do it spontaneously (Rosenberg, 2021, p. 114).
These four components are the base cell of the entire nonviolent communication process. The remaining
chapters are complementary to a deeper knowledge, but they report at all times to one of these components.
Here we leave a brief index, just to facilitate a script to those who want a deeper approach of a certain
aspect:
- Chapters 7 and 8 – deepen the importance of receiving and giving with empathy, which is
understood as respectful understanding of what others are living (Rose. When we find ourselves
on the defensive or when we are not able to show empathy, we need to (1) stop, breathe, empathize
with ourselves, (2) scream without violence or (3) take a break (Rosenberg, 2021, p. 135).
- Chapter 9 - need to fulfill a compassionate connection with us. Be attentive to our interior and to
the way we take care of ourselves. In evaluating personal behavior in view of one's own unmet
needs, the impetus for change emerges not from shame, guilt, anger or depression, but from our
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genuine desire to contribute to the well-being of others and that of others (Rosenberg, 2021, p.
173).
- Chapter 10 - To express full anger. The expression of anger clearly shows the difference between
CNV and other forms of communication (Rosenberg, 2021, p. 175). We all have our own rhythm,
both of internal and external manifestation.
- Chapter 11- Mediation and conflict resolution. Depending on previous learning, in this chapter we
understand how we can put into practice the CNV in conflict resolution, in which the most
important will be to create connections between people in which the CNV acts as a mediator for
meeting the needs of both parties.- Capítulos 12 e 13- O uso da força para proteger, quando a
comunicação não é possível e o resultado devastador para as relações, e a ideia de que é possível
libertarmo-nos de condicionamentos tradicionais e criar relações autênticas.
- Chapter 14 and the last - addresses the role of praise in nonviolent communication. When we are
expressly recognized ... we celebrate with the person who thus conveys his appreciation to us.
(Rosenberg, 2021, p. 255).
Challenges for Nonviolent Communication
For Rosenberg (2021) it is in the way people communicate with each other that the solution to resolve
disagreements and discussions. The author points out that there are several ways to communicate. The
expert also explains some of these forms of communication cause people to exhibit violent behaviors,
which he defined as "alienating communication of life". Examples of this are moralizing judgments (which
bring feelings such as guilt, depreciation, labeling and criticism), comparations, denial of responsibility
and transformation of desires into demands (Rosenberg, 2021).
In addition, when you are in the listening position there are some behaviors that prevent people from being
present enough to connect with empathy. They are the impulses to educate, compete for suffering, comfort,
tell history, be supportive or close the subject.
CNV is above all a tool with great potential to promote mutual understanding, bringing an improvement
in the quality of our lives. It is no accident that Marshall Rosenberg worked for 40 years mediating
conflicts in places such as Croatia, Serbia and Sierra Leone and the formation of Nonviolent
Communication was administered in 60 countries.
CONCLUSION
The broad logic for thinking and intervening with and in this method of nonviolent communication is: I
observe (1), which makes me feel (2), because I need (3). So, I have a request (4), if it is possible that
they satisfy it completely spontaneously.
Empathy! This term is the basis of the concept of Nonviolent Communication that was systematized by
the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. According to him, the ability to put yourself in someone
else's shoes is the premise for creating integral and healthier communication.
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The CNV is a practical philosophy, a method, and a way of seeing human relations that has as its main
vehicle good communication, and as inspiration the basic sociability/compassion that guides human and
social life to its realization and satisfaction. It has expanded around the world in these 40 years of
existence, being used in various sectors and places, standing out as a model for the methodologies of
conflict resolution, mediation and dialogue, as in restorative circles.
In practice, this is a difficult change because it requires, in many cases, to relearn how to communicate,
change the lenses, or change the paradigm, leaving the software violent by a non-violent program.
The possibilities of achieving what one wants, in addition to not making enemies, and of doing well using
greater transparency, to be able to understand what the other wants, a little more of his world, to perceive
himself in conflict and dialogue, to perceive the other, in short, these relational-communicational
possibilities are much greater when using a model like that of the CNV than when not using any. If so, we
have a very powerful resolutive tool to use in group, family, circles, meetings, conflict resolution, damage
repair, mediation, conciliation, conversations, colloquiums and the like.
In terms of work in the field of Human Rights, this resolutive model is fundamental and shows promise;
it is a well-founded practical philosophy, and a widely tested method that has been expanding gradually
and consistently in Portugal and worldwide.
We believe, however, that statistical studies are lacking that demonstrate the sensed and visible benefits,
which are often fundamental to raise awareness among the most skeptical.
REFERENCES
Almeida, R. B., (2019, Abril), A Importância do Estudo das Linguagens para a Comunicação Não
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Cunha, C. e Cintra, L. F. L. (1987). Nova Gramática do Português Contemporâneo. Lisboa, Edições
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Lima, M.A. & Nascimento, L.H., (2019, Setebro), Comunicação Não Violenta: reflexões sobre o novo
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Mota, A.R., Comunicação não-violenta pelas lentes da Linguística: embates no combate à intolerância,
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Rosenberg, M. (2006). Comunicação não-violenta: técnicas para aprimorar relacionamentos pessoais e
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profissionais 1 ed. São Paulo: Ágora. 285 páginas. ISBN 85-7183-826-7
Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.3rd Edition. ISBN
13/10:9781892005281
Rosenberg, M. B. (2021). Comunicação não-violenta: o segredo para comunicar com sucesso. 2. ed.
Alma dos Livros
Sílvia Costa Pinto graduated in Philosophy from FLUP, where he perfected thinking and,
consequently, acting. It is especially interested in the study and participation in the
development of children and young people, especially those with Educational Needs. In
parallel with her professional activity in the business world, she is a Philosophy Facilitator
for Children and Young People. She finished an Advanced Specialization in
Psychopedagogical Intervention in the Educational Context. Author of a short story for
children -Cheating- in the illustration phase. He attends a second degree in Psychology.
Maria Nascimento Cunha holds a post-Doctorate in Online Consumer Behavior, a PhD
in Business Sciences, a Master's degree in Communication Sciences and a degree in
Advertising from Fernando Pessoa University. She is an effective member of the Scientific
Council of CIAC - Center for Research in Arts and Communication and Professor ate
ISEP. She was manager of brands such as NIKE and ESCADA internationally. Holds
publications of several books and scientific articles.
International Journal of Current Research and Applied Studies | https://ijcras.com/ • 12
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