What utterances make up our daily verbal communication?

Some of our words convey

meaning, some convey emotions, and some actually produce actions. Language also
provides endless opportunities for fun because of its limitless, sometimes nonsensical,
and always changing nature. In this section, we will learn about the five functions of
language, which show us that language is expressive, language is powerful, language
is fun, language is dynamic, and language is relational.

Language Is Expressive

Verbal communication helps us meet various needs through our ability to express

ourselves. In terms of instrumental needs, we use verbal communication to ask

questions that provide us with specific information. We also use verbal communication

to describe things, people, and ideas. Verbal communication helps us inform,

persuade, and entertain others, which as we will learn later are the three general

purposes of public speaking. It is also through our verbal expressions that our personal

relationships are formed. At its essence, language is expressive. Verbal

expressions help us communicate our observations, thoughts, feelings, and

[Link] McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning, Messages: Communication

Skills Book, 2nd ed. (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1995), 34–36.

Expressing Observations
When we express observations, we report on the sensory information we
are taking or have taken in. Eyewitness testimony is a good example of
communicating observations. Witnesses are not supposed to make
judgments or offer conclusions; they only communicate factual knowledge
as they experienced it. For example, a witness could say, “I saw a white
Mitsubishi Eclipse leaving my neighbor’s house at 10:30 pm.” As we learned
in Chapter 2 "Communication and Perception" on perception, observation
and description occur in the first step of the perception-checking process.
When you are trying to make sense of an experience, expressing
observations in a descriptive rather than evaluative way can lessen
defensiveness, which facilitates competent communication.

Expressing Thoughts

When we express thoughts, we draw conclusions based on what we have

experienced. In the perception process, this is similar to the interpretation
step. We take various observations and evaluate and interpret them to
assign them meaning (a conclusion). Whereas our observations are based
on sensory information (what we saw, what we read, what we heard),
thoughts are connected to our beliefs (what we think is true/false), attitudes
(what we like and dislike), and values (what we think is right/wrong or
good/bad). Jury members are expected to express thoughts based on
reported observations to help reach a conclusion about someone’s guilt or
innocence. A juror might express the following thought: “The neighbor who
saw the car leaving the night of the crime seemed credible. And the
defendant seemed to have a shady past—I think he’s trying to hide
something.” Sometimes people intentionally or unintentionally express
thoughts as if they were feelings. For example, when people say, “I feel like
you’re too strict with your attendance policy,” they aren’t really expressing
a feeling; they are expressing a judgment about the other person (a
thought).

Expressing Feelings

When we express feelings, we communicate our emotions. Expressing feelings is a

difficult part of verbal communication, because there are many social norms about

how, why, when, where, and to whom we express our emotions. Norms for emotional

expression also vary based on nationality and other cultural identities and

characteristics such as age and gender. In terms of age, young children are typically

freer to express positive and negative emotions in public. Gendered elements intersect

with age as boys grow older and are socialized into a norm of emotional restraint.

Although individual men vary in the degree to which they are emotionally expressive,

there is still a prevailing social norm that encourages and even expects women to be

more emotionally expressive than men.

Expressing feelings can be uncomfortable for those listening. Some people

are generally not good at or comfortable with receiving and processing
other people’s feelings. Even those with good empathetic listening skills can
be positively or negatively affected by others’ emotions. Expressions of
anger can be especially difficult to manage because they represent a threat
to the face and self-esteem of others. Despite the fact that expressing
feelings is more complicated than other forms of expression, emotion
sharing is an important part of how we create social bonds and empathize
with others, and it can be improved.

In order to verbally express our emotions, it is important that we develop an

emotional vocabulary. The more specific we can be when we are verbally
communicating our emotions, the less ambiguous our emotions will be for
the person decoding our message. As we expand our emotional vocabulary,
we are able to convey the intensity of the emotion we’re feeling whether it
is mild, moderate, or intense. For example, happy is mild, delighted is
moderate, and ecstatic is intense; ignored is mild, rejected is moderate,
and abandoned is [Link] Hargie, Skilled Interpersonal Interaction:
Research, Theory, and Practice (London: Routledge, 2011), 166.

In a time when so much of our communication is electronically mediated, it

is likely that we will communicate emotions through the written word in an
e-mail, text, or instant message. We may also still use pen and paper when
sending someone a thank-you note, a birthday card, or a sympathy card.
Communicating emotions through the written (or typed) word can have
advantages such as time to compose your thoughts and convey the details of
what you’re feeling. There are also disadvantages in that important context
and nonverbal communication can’t be included. Things like facial
expressions and tone of voice offer much insight into emotions that may not
be expressed verbally. There is also a lack of immediate feedback.
Sometimes people respond immediately to a text or e-mail, but think about
how frustrating it is when you text someone and they don’t get back to you
right away. If you’re in need of emotional support or want validation of an
emotional message you just sent, waiting for a response could end up
negatively affecting your emotional state.

Expressing Needs

When we express needs, we are communicating in an instrumental way to

help us get things done. Since we almost always know our needs more than
others do, it’s important for us to be able to convey those needs to others.
Expressing needs can help us get a project done at work or help us navigate
the changes of a long-term romantic partnership. Not expressing needs can
lead to feelings of abandonment, frustration, or resentment. For example, if
one romantic partner expresses the following thought “I think we’re moving
too quickly in our relationship” but doesn’t also express a need, the other
person in the relationship doesn’t have a guide for what to do in response to
the expressed thought. Stating, “I need to spend some time with my
hometown friends this weekend. Would you mind if I went home by myself?”
would likely make the expression more effective. Be cautious of letting
evaluations or judgments sneak into your expressions of need. Saying “I
need you to stop suffocating me!” really expresses a thought-feeling mixture
more than a need.

Language Is Powerful

The contemporary American philosopher David Abram wrote, “Only if words

are felt, bodily presences, like echoes or waterfalls, can we understand the
power of spoken language to influence, alter, and transform the perceptual
world.”David Abram, Spell of the Sensuous (New York, NY: Vintage Books,
1997), 89. This statement encapsulates many of the powerful features of
language. Next, we will discuss how language expresses our identities,
affects our credibility, serves as a means of control, and performs actions.

Language Expresses Our Identities

In the opening to this chapter, I recounted how an undergraduate class in
semantics solidified my love of language. I could have continued on to say
that I have come to think of myself as a “word nerd.” Words or phrases like
that express who we are and contribute to the impressions that others make
of us. We’ve already learned about identity needs and impression
management and how we all use verbal communication strategically to
create a desired impression. But how might the label word nerd affect me
differently if someone else placed it on me?

Telling people what state you are from may give them a sense of “who you are.”

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The power of language to express our identities varies depending on the

origin of the label (self-chosen or other imposed) and the context. People
are usually comfortable with the language they use to describe their own
identities but may have issues with the labels others place on them. In
terms of context, many people express their “Irish” identity on St. Patrick’s
Day, but they may not think much about it over the rest of the year. There
are many examples of people who have taken a label that was imposed on
them, one that usually has negative connotations, and intentionally used it
in ways that counter previous meanings. Some country music singers and
comedians have reclaimed the label redneck, using it as an identity marker
they are proud of rather than a pejorative term. Other examples of people
reclaiming identity labels is the “black is beautiful” movement of the 1960s
that repositioned black as a positive identity marker for African Americans
and the “queer” movement of the 1980s and ’90s that reclaimed queer as a
positive identity marker for some gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender
people. Even though some people embrace reclaimed words, they still carry
their negative connotations and are not openly accepted by everyone.

Language Affects Our Credibility

One of the goals of this chapter is to help you be more competent with your
verbal communication. People make assumptions about your credibility
based on how you speak and what you say. Even though we’ve learned that
meaning is in people rather than words and that the rules that govern
verbal communication, like rules of grammar, are arbitrary, these norms
still mean something. You don’t have to be a perfect grammarian to be
perceived as credible. In fact, if you followed the grammar rules for written
communication to the letter you would actually sound pretty strange, since
our typical way of speaking isn’t as formal and structured as writing. But
you still have to support your ideas and explain the conclusions you make to
be seen as competent. You have to use language clearly and be accountable
for what you say in order to be seen as trustworthy. Using informal
language and breaking social norms we’ve discussed so far wouldn’t
enhance your credibility during a professional job interview, but it might
with your friends at a tailgate party. Politicians know that the way they
speak affects their credibility, but they also know that using words that are
too scientific or academic can lead people to perceive them as eggheads,
which would hurt their credibility. Politicians and many others in leadership
positions need to be able to use language to put people at ease, relate to
others, and still appear confident and competent.

Language Is a Means of Control

Control is a word that has negative connotations, but our use of it here can
be positive, neutral, or negative. Verbal communication can be used to
reward and punish. We can offer verbal communication in the form of
positive reinforcement to praise someone. We can withhold verbal
communication or use it in a critical, aggressive, or hurtful way as a form of
negative reinforcement.

Directives are utterances that try to get another person to do something.

They can range from a rather polite ask or request to a more
forceful command or insist. Context informs when and how we express
directives and how people respond to them. Promises are often paired with
directives in order to persuade people to comply, and those promises,
whether implied or stated, should be kept in order to be an ethical
communicator. Keep this in mind to avoid arousing false expectations on the
part of the other person.S. I. Hayakawa and Alan R. Hayakawa, Language in
Thought and Action, 5th ed. (San Diego, CA: Harcourt Brace, 1990), 67.

Rather than verbal communication being directed at one person as a means

of control, the way we talk creates overall climates of communication that
may control many. Verbal communication characterized by empathy,
understanding, respect, and honesty creates open climates that lead to
more collaboration and more information exchange. Verbal communication
that is controlling, deceitful, and vague creates a closed climate in which
people are less willing to communicate and less [Link] Brown,
“Explaining,” in The Handbook of Communication Skills, ed. Owen Hargie
(New York, NY: Routledge, 2006), 220.

Language Is Performative

Some language is actually more like an action than a packet of information.

Saying, “I promise,” “I guarantee,” or “I pledge,” does more than convey
meaning; it communicates intent. Such utterances are called commissives,
as they mean a speaker is committed to a certain course of [Link]
Crystal, How Language Works: How Babies Babble, Words Change
Meaning, and Languages Live or Die (Woodstock, NY: Overlook Press,
2005), 277. Of course, promises can be broken, and there can be
consequences, but other verbal communication is granted official power
that can guarantee action. The two simple words I do can mean that a
person has agreed to an oath before taking a witness stand or assuming the
presidency. It can also mean that two people are now bound in a
relationship recognized by the government and/or a religious community.
These two words, if said in the right context and in front of the right person,
such as a judge or a reverend, bring with them obligations that cannot be
undone without additional steps and potential negative repercussions. In
that sense, language is much more than “mere words.”
Judges’ words perform actions ranging from holding someone in contempt of court
to sentencing someone to death.

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Performative language can also be a means of control, especially in legal

contexts. In some cases, the language that makes our laws is intentionally
vague. In courts all over the nation, the written language intersects with
spoken language as lawyers advocate for particular interpretations of the
written law. The utterances of judges and juries set precedents for
reasonable interpretations that will then help decide future cases. Imagine
how powerful the words We the jury find the defendant… seem to the
defendant awaiting his or her verdict. The sentences handed down by
judges following a verdict are also performative because those words
impose fines, penalties, or even death. Some language is deemed so
powerful that it is regulated. Hate speech, which we will learn more about
later, and slander, libel, and defamation are considered powerful enough to
actually do damage to a person and have therefore been criminalized.

Language Is Fun

Word games have long been popular. Before Words with Friends there was
Apples to Apples, Boggle, Scrabble, and crossword puzzles. Writers, poets,
and comedians have built careers on their ability to have fun with language
and in turn share that fun with others. The fun and frivolity of language
becomes clear as teachers get half-hearted laughs from students when they
make puns, Jay Leno has a whole bit where he shows the hilarious mistakes
people unintentionally make when they employ language, and people vie to
construct the longest palindromic sentence (a sentence that as the same
letters backward and forward).

The productivity and limitlessness of language we discussed earlier leads

some people to spend an inordinate amount of time discovering things
about words. Two examples that I have found fascinating are palindromes
and contranyms. Palindromes, as noted, are words that read the same from
left to right and from right to left. Racecar is a commonly cited example, but
a little time spent looking through Google results for palindromes exposes
many more, ranging from “Live not on evil” to “Doc, note I dissent. A fast
never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.”“Neil/Fred’s Gigantic List of
Palindromes,” accessed June 7,
2012, [Link] Contranyms
are words that have multiple meanings, two of which are opposites. For
example, sanction can mean “to allow” and “to prevent,” and dust can mean
“to remove particles” when used in reference to furniture or “to add
particles” when used in reference to a cake. These are just two examples of
humorous and contradictory features of the English language—the
book Crazy English by Richard Lederer explores dozens more. A fun aspect
of language enjoyed by more people than a small community of word
enthusiasts is humor.

There are more than one hundred theories of humor, but none of them quite
captures the complex and often contradictory nature of what we find
[Link] Foot and May McCreaddie, “Humour and Laughter,” in The
Handbook of Communication Skills, ed. Owen Hargie (New York, NY:
Routledge, 2006), 295. Humor is a complicated social phenomenon that is
largely based on the relationship between language and meaning. Humor
functions to liven up conversations, break the ice, and increase group
cohesion. We also use humor to test our compatibility with others when a
deep conversation about certain topics like politics or religion would be
awkward. Bringing up these topics in a lighthearted way can give us
indirect information about another person’s beliefs, attitudes, and values.
Based on their response to the humorous message, we can either probe
further or change the subject and write it off as a poor attempt at
[Link] Foot and May McCreaddie, “Humour and Laughter,” in The
Handbook of Communication Skills, ed. Owen Hargie (New York, NY:
Routledge, 2006), 299. Using humor also draws attention to us, and the
reactions that we get from others feeds into our self-concept. We also use
humor to disclose information about ourselves that we might not feel
comfortable revealing in a more straightforward way. Humor can also be
used to express sexual interest or to cope with bad news or bad situations.

We first start to develop an understanding of humor as children when we

realize that the words we use for objects are really arbitrary and can be
manipulated. This manipulation creates a distortion or incongruous moment
in the reality that we had previously known. Some humor scholars believe
that this early word play—for example, calling a horse a turtle and a turtle a
horse—leads us to appreciate language-based humor like puns and
[Link] Foot and May McCreaddie, “Humour and Laughter,” in The
Handbook of Communication Skills, ed. Owen Hargie (New York, NY:
Routledge, 2006), 294–95. It is in the process of encoding and decoding that
humor emerges. People use encoding to decide how and when to use
humor, and people use decoding to make sense of humorous
communication. Things can go wrong in both of those processes. I’m sure
we can all relate to the experience of witnessing a poorly timed or executed
joke (a problem with encoding) and of not getting a joke (a problem with
decoding).
Comedians make a living by making language fun, but humor is contextual and not
always easy to pull off.

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Language Is Dynamic

As we already learned, language is essentially limitless. We may create a

one-of-a-kind sentence combining words in new ways and never know it.
Aside from the endless structural possibilities, words change meaning, and
new words are created daily. In this section, we’ll learn more about the
dynamic nature of language by focusing on neologisms and slang.

Neologisms

Neologisms are newly coined or used words. Newly coined words are those
that were just brought into linguistic existence. Newly used words make
their way into languages in several ways, including borrowing and changing
structure. Taking is actually a more fitting descriptor than borrowing, since
we take words but don’t really give them back. In any case, borrowing is the
primary means through which languages expand. English is a good case in
point, as most of its vocabulary is borrowed and doesn’t reflect the
language’s Germanic origins. English has been called the “vacuum cleaner
of languages.”David Crystal, How Language Works: How Babies Babble,
Words Change Meaning, and Languages Live or Die (Woodstock, NY:
Overlook Press, 2005), [Link] is a popular English word based on the
number of languages that have borrowed it. We have borrowed many
words, like chic from French, karaoke from Japanese, and caravan from
Arabic.
Structural changes also lead to new words. Compound words are
neologisms that are created by joining two already known
words. Keyboard, newspaper, and giftcard are all compound words that
were formed when new things were created or conceived. We also create
new words by adding something, subtracting something, or blending them
together. For example, we can add affixes, meaning a prefix or a suffix, to a
word. Affixing usually alters the original meaning but doesn’t completely
change it. Ex-husband and kitchenette are relatively recent examples of
such [Link] Crystal, How Language Works: How Babies Babble,
Words Change Meaning, and Languages Live or Die (Woodstock, NY:
Overlook Press, 2005), 226. New words are also formed when clipping a
word like examination, which creates a new word, exam, that retains the
same meaning. And last, we can form new words by blending old ones
together. Words like breakfast and lunch blend letters and meaning to form
a new word—brunch.

Existing words also change in their use and meaning. The digital age has
given rise to some interesting changes in word usage. Before Facebook, the
word friend had many meanings, but it was mostly used as a noun referring
to a companion. The sentence, I’ll friend you, wouldn’t have made sense to
many people just a few years ago because friend wasn’t used as a
verb. Google went from being a proper noun referring to the company to a
more general verb that refers to searching for something on the Internet
(perhaps not even using the Google search engine). Meanings can expand
or contract without changing from a noun to a verb. Gay, an adjective for
feeling happy, expanded to include gay as an adjective describing a person’s
sexual orientation. Perhaps because of the confusion that this caused, the
meaning of gay has contracted again, as the earlier meaning is now
considered archaic, meaning it is no longer in common usage.
The American Dialect Society names an overall “Word of the Year” each
year and selects winners in several more specific categories. The winning
words are usually new words or words that recently took on new
meaning.“All of the Words of the Year 1990 to Present,” American Dialect
Society, accessed June 7, 2012, [Link]
the-words-of-the- year-1990-to-present. In 2011, the overall winner
was occupy as a result of the Occupy Wall Street movement. The word
named the “most likely to succeed” was cloud as a result of Apple unveiling
its new online space for file storage and retrieval. Although languages are
dying out at an alarming rate, many languages are growing in terms of new
words and expanded meanings, thanks largely to advances in technology, as
can be seen in the example of cloud.

Slang

Slang is a great example of the dynamic nature of language. Slang refers to

new or adapted words that are specific to a group, context, and/or time
period; regarded as less formal; and representative of people’s creative play
with language. Research has shown that only about 10 percent of the slang
terms that emerge over a fifteen-year period survive. Many more take their
place though, as new slang words are created using inversion, reduction, or
old-fashioned [Link] Allan and Kate Burridge, Forbidden Words:
Taboo and the Censoring of Language (Cambridge: Cambridge University
Press, 2006), 69–71. Inversion is a form of word play that produces slang
words like sick, wicked, and bad that refer to the opposite of their typical
meaning. Reduction creates slang words such as pic, sec,
and later from picture, second, and see you later. New slang words often
represent what is edgy, current, or simply relevant to the daily lives of a
group of people. Many creative examples of slang refer to illegal or socially
taboo topics like sex, drinking, and drugs. It makes sense that developing an
alternative way to identify drugs or talk about taboo topics could make life
easier for the people who partake in such activities. Slang allows people
who are in “in the know” to break the code and presents a linguistic barrier
for unwanted outsiders. Taking a moment to think about the amount of
slang that refers to being intoxicated on drugs or alcohol or engaging in
sexual activity should generate a lengthy list.

When I first started teaching this course in the early 2000s, Cal Poly
Pomona had been compiling a list of the top twenty college slang words of
the year for a few years. The top slang word for 1997 was da bomb, which
means “great, awesome, or extremely cool,” and the top word for 2001 and
2002 was tight, which is used as a generic positive meaning “attractive,
nice, or cool.” Unfortunately, the project didn’t continue, but I still enjoy
seeing how the top slang words change and sometimes recycle and come
back. I always end up learning some new words from my students. When I
asked a class what the top college slang word should be for 2011, they
suggested deuces, which is used when leaving as an alternative to good-
bye and stems from another verbal/nonverbal leaving symbol—holding up
two fingers for “peace” as if to say, “peace out.”

It’s difficult for my students to identify the slang they use at any given
moment because it is worked into our everyday language patterns and
becomes very natural. Just as we learned here, new words can create a lot
of buzz and become a part of common usage very quickly. The same can
happen with new slang terms. Most slang words also disappear quickly, and
their alternative meaning fades into obscurity. For example, you don’t hear
anyone using the word macaroni to refer to something cool or fashionable.
But that’s exactly what the common slang meaning of the word was at the
time the song “Yankee Doodle” was written. Yankee Doodle isn’t saying the
feather he sticks in his cap is a small, curved pasta shell; he is saying it’s
cool or stylish.

Language Is Relational

We use verbal communication to initiate, maintain, and terminate our interpersonal

relationships. The first few exchanges with a potential romantic partner or friend help

us size the other person up and figure out if we want to pursue a relationship or not.

We then use verbal communication to remind others how we feel about them and to

check in with them—engaging in relationship maintenance through language use.

When negative feelings arrive and persist, or for many other reasons, we often use

verbal communication to end a relationship.

Language Can Bring Us Together

Interpersonally, verbal communication is key to bringing people together

and maintaining relationships. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, our
use of words like I, you, we, our, and us affect our relationships. “We
language” includes the words we, our, and us and can be used to promote a
feeling of inclusiveness. “I language” can be useful when expressing
thoughts, needs, and feelings because it leads us to “own” our expressions
and avoid the tendency to mistakenly attribute the cause of our thoughts,
needs, and feelings to others. Communicating emotions using “I language”
may also facilitate emotion sharing by not making our conversational
partner feel at fault or defensive. For example, instead of saying, “You’re
making me crazy!” you could say, “I’m starting to feel really anxious
because we can’t make a decision about this.” Conversely, “you language”
can lead people to become defensive and feel attacked, which could be
divisive and result in feelings of interpersonal separation.
Verbal communication brings people together and helps maintain satisfying
relationships.

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Aside from the specific words that we use, the frequency of communication
impacts relationships. Of course, the content of what is said is important,
but research shows that romantic partners who communicate frequently
with each other and with mutual friends and family members experience
less stress and uncertainty in their relationship and are more likely to stay
[Link] McCornack, Reflect and Relate: An Introduction to
Interpersonal Communication (Boston, MA: Bedford/St Martin’s, 2007),
237. When frequent communication combines with supportive messages,
which are messages communicated in an open, honest, and
nonconfrontational way, people are sure to come together.

Moving from the interpersonal to the sociocultural level, we can see that
speaking the same language can bring people together. When a person is
surrounded by people who do not speak his or her native language, it can be
very comforting to run into another person who speaks the same language.
Even if the two people are strangers, the ease of linguistic compatibility is
comforting and can quickly facilitate a social bond. We’ve already learned
that language helps shape our social reality, so a common language leads to
some similar perspectives. Of course, there are individual differences within
a language community, but the power of shared language to unite people
has led to universal language movements that advocate for one global
language.

Serious attempts to create a common language, sometimes referred to as

a lingua franca or auxiliary language, began in the 1600s as world
exploration brought increased trade and Latin was no longer effective as
the language of international business. Since then, hundreds of auxiliary
languages have been recorded but none have achieved widespread
international usage or been officially recognized as an international
[Link] Crystal, How Language Works: How Babies Babble, Words
Change Meaning, and Languages Live or Die (Woodstock, NY: Overlook
Press, 2005), 423. While some such movements were primarily motivated by
business and profit, others hoped to promote mutual understanding, more
effective diplomacy, and peaceful coexistence. Esperanto, which means
“hopeful,” is the most well-known and widely used auxiliary language that
was intended to serve as a common international language. Esperanto was
invented by a Polish eye doctor at the end of the 1800s and today has
between one and two million fluent speakers worldwide. Many works of
literature and important manuscripts like the Bible and the Qur’an have
been translated into Esperanto, and many original works of literature and
academic articles have been written in the language. Some countries also
broadcast radio programs in Esperanto. Several barriers will have to be
overcome in order for an auxiliary language like Esperanto to gain
international acceptance. First, there would have to be a massive effort put
into a period of simultaneous learning—otherwise it is difficult to motivate
people to learn a language that is not necessary for their daily lives and that
no one else speaks. Second, as we have learned, people take pride in their
linguistic identity and find pleasure in playing with the rules of language,
creatively inventing new words and meanings that constantly change a
language. Such changes may be impossible to accommodate in an auxiliary
language. Lastly, the optimism of an internationally shared language
eventually gives way to realism. If a shared language really brings peaceful
coexistence, how do we explain all the civil wars and other conflicts that
have been fought between people who speak the same language?

As new languages are invented, many more languages are dying. Linguists
and native speakers of endangered languages have also rallied around so-
called dying languages to preserve them. In the United States, Cajun
French in Louisiana, French Canadian in Maine, and Pennsylvania Dutch
are examples of language communities that are in danger of losing the
language that has united them, in some cases for hundreds of [Link]
C. Dorian, “Abrupt Transmission Failure in Obsolescing Languages: How
Sudden the ‘Tip’ to the Dominant Language in Communities and
Families?” Proceedings of the Twelfth Annual Meeting of the Berkeley
Linguistics Society (1986): 72. Although American English is in no danger of
dying soon, there have been multiple attempts to make English the official
language of the United States. Sometimes the argument supporting this
proposition seems to be based on the notion that a shared language will
lead to more solidarity and in-group identification among the speakers.
However, many of these movements are politically and ideologically
motivated and actually seek to marginalize and/or expel immigrants—
typically immigrants who are also people of color. The United States isn’t
the only country that has debated the merits of officially recognizing only
certain languages. Similar debates have been going on for many years
regarding whether French, English, or both should be the official language
in Quebec, Canada, and which language(s)—French, Dutch, or Flemish—
should be used in what contexts in [Link] N. Martin and Thomas K.
Nakayama, Intercultural Communication in Contexts, 5th ed. (Boston, MA:
McGraw-Hill, 2010), 251–52. In such cases, we can see that verbal
communication can also divide people.

Language Can Separate Us

Whether it’s criticism, teasing, or language differences, verbal

communication can also lead to feelings of separation. Language differences
alone do not present insurmountable barriers. We can learn other
languages with time and effort, there are other people who can translate
and serve as bridges across languages, and we can also communicate quite
a lot nonverbally in the absence of linguistic compatibility. People who
speak the same language can intentionally use language to separate. The
words us and them can be a powerful start to separation. Think of how
language played a role in segregation in the United States as the notion of
“separate but equal” was upheld by the Supreme Court and how apartheid
affected South Africa as limits, based on finances and education, were
placed on the black majority’s rights to vote. Symbols, both words and
images, were a very important part of Hitler’s rise to power in the 1930s
and ’40s in Europe. Various combinations of colored stars, triangles, letters,
and other symbols were sewn onto the clothing or uniforms of people
persecuted by the Nazis in order to classify them. People were labeled and
reduced to certain characteristics rather than seen as complete humans,
which facilitated the Nazis’ oppression, violence, and [Link] and
Human Rights Education Center, “Lesson 4: 1939–1942, Persecution and
Segregation,” accessed June 9,
2012, [Link]
submenu=testimony&src=gendocs&ref=DownloadCurriculum&category
=testimony.

At the interpersonal level, unsupportive messages can make others respond

defensively, which can lead to feelings of separation and actual separation
or dissolution of a relationship. It’s impossible to be supportive in our
communication all the time, but consistently unsupportive messages can
hurt others’ self-esteem, escalate conflict, and lead to defensiveness. People
who regularly use unsupportive messages may create a toxic win/lose
climate in a relationship. Six verbal tactics that can lead to feelings of
defensiveness and separation are global labels, sarcasm, dragging up the
past, negative comparisons, judgmental “you” messages, and
[Link] McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning, Messages:
Communication Skills Book, 2nd ed. (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger
Publications, 1995), 48.

Common Types of Unsupportive Messages

1. Global labels. “You’re a liar.” Labeling someone irresponsible, untrustworthy,

selfish, or lazy calls his or her whole identity as a person into question. Such

sweeping judgments and generalizations are sure to only escalate a negative

situation.
2. Sarcasm. “No, you didn’t miss anything in class on Wednesday. We just sat

here and looked at each other.” Even though sarcasm is often disguised as

humor, it usually represents passive-aggressive behavior through which a

person indirectly communicates negative feelings.

3. Dragging up the past. “I should have known not to trust you when you never

paid me back that $100 I let you borrow.” Bringing up negative past

experiences is a tactic used by people when they don’t want to discuss a current

situation. Sometimes people have built up negative feelings that are suddenly

let out by a seemingly small thing in the moment.

4. Negative comparisons. “Jade graduated from college without any credit card

debt. I guess you’re just not as responsible as her.” Holding a person up to the

supposed standards or characteristics of another person can lead to feelings of

inferiority and resentment. Parents and teachers may unfairly compare children

to their siblings.

5. Judgmental “you” messages. “You’re never going to be able to hold down a

job.” Accusatory messages are usually generalized overstatements about

another person that go beyond labeling but still do not describe specific

behavior in a productive way.

6. Threats. “If you don’t stop texting back and forth with your ex, both of you are

going to regret it.” Threatening someone with violence or some other negative

consequence usually signals the end of productive communication. Aside from

the potential legal consequences, threats usually overcompensate for a person’s

insecurity.