Brainfuse Provider Response Form

Welcome to the Writing Lab!

Analysis and recommendations regarding specific parts of your paper are included in the tutor response
form. A copy of your paper is also posted below this form, and it includes additional comments in
brackets. If you do not see the tutor’s comments or a tutor’s review appears to be missing, please
contact [email protected]. For specific questions about your paper, please resubmit through the
Brainfuse Writing Lab.
Thank you for choosing the Writing Lab. Best wishes with your revisions!

Part 1 – Development

The structure of your essay is clear, and you’ve clearly taken care to walk the reader through a
broad range of issues related to technology. But when we look more closely, several paragraphs
tend to stop at summary rather than analysis. That’s an important distinction. It’s one thing to
report what scholars have said or to describe a trend, but in college-level writing, readers expect
you to take those facts and show us what they mean in a larger conversation.

For example, in your section on digital inequality, you mention that many lack access to digital
tools and services. That’s a valuable observation. But you don’t go far enough in interpreting
why that matters socially, politically, or economically. Readers benefit when you connect those
facts back to your thesis and develop the implications, what does this gap mean for education
systems, for labor markets, for human dignity even?

Another area that could be strengthened is the use of transitions between sections. Sometimes,
the paragraph endings feel like they just wrap up one idea without actively preparing us for the
next. Consider building connective phrasing that helps the reader see how one issue leads into
another, or how two themes (like mental health and social media) overlap and influence one
another.

And in your conclusion, you do offer thoughtful reflection. But that section would be more
impactful if you looped more explicitly back to your thesis. Remind the reader of your central
argument and how all the parts you’ve explored work together to support it. That return helps
your essay feel complete and intentional.

Part 2 – Grammar, Usage, & Mechanics

Your writing is mostly fluent and composed, which is a good starting point. That said, there are
several patterns that weaken clarity, pacing, or tone. Strengthening these will elevate the quality
of your paper significantly.
One noticeable issue is sentence structure and length. Some of your sentences are too long or
contain too many ideas packed into one. This often results in the reader having to work too hard
to follow your point. For instance, in your paragraph on workplace dynamics, several sentences
string together three or more clauses. That kind of density creates fatigue. Break those longer
thoughts into clearer, shorter sentences where needed to emphasize key ideas and allow natural
rhythm.

There’s also a pattern of repetitive phrasing. For example, the word “technology” appears many
times, which is expected, but sometimes it’s used two or three times in a single sentence or back-
to-back. Repetition isn’t always a problem, but when it happens too frequently without variation,
it dulls your message. Think about how to reword or reframe to reduce echo, especially when
other terms like “devices,” “digital platforms,” or “tools” are available to add variety.

Watch also for comma placement in compound or complex sentences. A few times, you join two
full thoughts with a conjunction like “and” or “but” but don’t include a comma beforehand.
These are small errors, but they show up often enough to suggest a pattern. Review comma rules,
especially after introductory clauses and between independent clauses joined by coordinating
conjunctions.

One last note: in a couple of places you use quotation marks for terms like “screen time” and
“digital detox.” These are fine the first time if you’re introducing a concept, but after that, the
repeated use of quotes can create a sense of distance or irony, even if that’s not your intention.
Once a term is established, you can drop the quotes and just use the term naturally.

Part 3 – Proper Outlining Format (use of symbols, indents, etc.)

Your draft doesn’t include a formal outline using labeled symbols and indents, so if that was part
of the assignment, it’s something to follow up on. But even without that format, your paragraph
structure shows strong logical order, you move clearly from one major point to the next. If
you’re ever asked to submit a separate outline, just remember that it uses a hierarchical structure
(Roman numerals, capital letters, etc.) to break down your main ideas and supporting points. For
now, since this draft is a full essay, you’ve organized it well even without the formal outline
format.

Useful Links:
Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics
Please use The Brainfuse Essential Grammar Guide to identify and edit errors in grammar, usage, and
mechanics. You can view the guide by clicking on this link below and logging in to Brainfuse:

http://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1381694219673.html

If you would like a review focused on your grammar, usage, and mechanics, please request a grammar
only review in the comments box.

Formatting
Please use the Brainfuse Style Guides for information on citation formatting.
 APA https://admin.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1514394321264.pdf
MLA https://admin.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1514393937280.pdf
Chicago Style https://admin.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1515512833067.pdf

Please make all changes to your own original file to maintain your intended formatting, headers, and
footers.

Shantel Cruz
Unitek College
ENG300
Instructor Lynette Kolb
June 8, 2025

The Influence of Technology on Society

Technology is deeply integrated into modern life, transforming communication, behavior,

work, education, and society at large. This paper explores the positive and negative effects of
technology, including its impact on mental health, social interaction, workplace dynamics,
education, digital inequality, ethics, and globalization. While technology offers unprecedented
convenience and connectivity, it also presents challenges such as digital burnout, social isolation,
privacy concerns, and widening socioeconomic gaps. The paper argues for mindful, equitable
use of technology to maximize benefits and mitigate adverse effects for a healthier societal
future.

Technology has become a defining feature of the 21st century, profoundly reshaping how
individuals and societies operate. These days, it feels like we can’t go more than a few hours
without looking at a screen—whether it's for work, texting a friend, or watching something to
unwind. Technology, which refers to the digital tools and systems embedded into our daily
routines, has become deeply integrated into every aspect of modern life. From smartphones and
social media to workplace software and online platforms, technology has fundamentally changed
how we function. While it has revolutionized communication and access to information, it has
also introduced new challenges that deserve attention. Some argue that these changes are purely
beneficial and represent progress. However, while technology has enhanced communication,
convenience, and access to information, its widespread use has also led to significant changes in
human behavior, social interaction, and emotional well-being—changes that society must
critically evaluate to ensure a healthier future. (You might look at sentence length here, the
paragraph has several long sentences back to back, which could make it harder for the reader to
absorb each point.)

Impact on Emotional and Mental Well-Being

Technology’s influence on our emotional and mental well-being is one of its most talked-
about and debated effects. Increased screen time and digital overstimulation have contributed to
anxiety, stress, and reduced attention spans. According to Smith (2021), even though people are
more digitally connected than ever, feelings of loneliness and isolation are on the rise. This
paradox—being “alone together”—reflects how digital connections often lack the emotional
depth of in-person relationships. The constant presence of screens in our lives can interfere with
our ability to focus, recharge, and be present in the moment. Fasoli and Spadaro (2023) note that
persistent exposure to digital notifications can impair cognitive function and emotional
regulation, as the brain struggles to manage the continuous influx of information and alerts. The
stress of being “always on” can contribute to burnout, especially when boundaries between work
and personal life blur due to technology.

Additionally, there is growing concern about how technology affects children and
adolescents. Excessive screen time during formative years may disrupt brain development and
social skills. Research suggests that heavy use of digital devices can interfere with sleep quality,
which is crucial for mental health and cognitive functioning (Smith, 2021). Parents and educators
are increasingly advocating for “screen time limits” and promoting balanced use to help younger
generations develop healthy digital habits. (You might notice that “screen time” appears multiple
times in close proximity, worth checking for repetition.)
 Social Media, Comparison, and Burnout

Another critical factor is the role of social media in promoting social comparison and
burnout. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok often showcase curated, idealized versions of life,
leading users to compare themselves to these unrealistic portrayals (Smith, 2021). This has
resulted in increased levels of dissatisfaction, especially among younger users. Adolescents and
young adults, who are still developing their sense of identity, may be particularly vulnerable to
negative self-esteem caused by social comparison. The pressure to maintain a perfect online
presence can lead to anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy.

In response to these challenges, digital detoxes have become a popular trend. Fasoli and
Spadaro (2023) describe digital detox as intentional breaks from technology to improve well-
being and productivity. These detoxes can range from short “phone-free” hours to longer retreats
without screens. Studies indicate that even brief periods of disconnection can reduce stress and
enhance focus. However, digital detoxes also highlight a broader societal issue: our heavy
dependence on technology and the need for better self-regulation tools.

Changes in Communication and Empathy

Technology has also shifted how people connect and interact. Social media, messaging
apps, and video calls have become the new norm for communication, sometimes replacing face-
to-face interactions. Ziółkowski (2017) explains that while these tools offer convenience, they
also contribute to miscommunication and a reduction in empathy. Text-based communication
lacks tone, body language, and context, often leading to misunderstandings. For example,
sarcasm or humor can easily be misinterpreted in messages, which can cause conflicts or
emotional distance.

Video calls and virtual meetings, though richer than text, still fall short of fully
replicating in-person experiences. The absence of physical presence and subtle social cues can
affect relationship building and emotional connection. This shift has important implications for
families, friendships, and workplaces. Some studies suggest that heavy reliance on digital
communication may weaken social skills, especially for those who grew up with technology as
their primary mode of interaction. (Check whether the last sentence could use a smoother
transition, it introduces a study but sounds a little separate from the rest of the paragraph.)

Effects on Everyday Behavior

Beyond communication, everyday behaviors such as shopping, commuting, and

entertainment have also been reshaped by digital tools. Wang and Lim (2022) note that while
technology has streamlined many tasks, it has also decreased opportunities for spontaneous, in-
person social interactions. Over-reliance on digital platforms may hinder problem-solving and
interpersonal development, particularly in younger generations. The convenience of online
shopping, streaming services, and ride-hailing apps can unintentionally isolate individuals and
reduce community engagement.

For example, local businesses often suffer when consumers turn to large online retailers.
The loss of face-to-face interactions in markets and stores reduces opportunities for casual social
encounters, which historically helped build social cohesion. Additionally, the abundance of
personalized digital content can create “filter bubbles” where people only encounter ideas similar
to their own, potentially increasing social polarization.

Technology in the Workplace

In the workplace, technology has introduced both flexibility and new challenges. The rise
of remote work has allowed many people to work from home, increasing autonomy and work-
life balance. However, Van Deursen and van Dijk (2022) point out that this flexibility can blur
the lines between work and personal life, leading to burnout and reduced productivity. The
expectation to be “always on” and responsive to emails or messages can create stress and fatigue.
(Consider whether “always on” in quotes needs clarification or a short follow-up phrase to avoid
ambiguity.)

Furthermore, remote communication tools can impact team cohesion and collaboration,
especially when informal interactions are limited. Spontaneous conversations around the water
cooler or casual lunch meetings, which often build trust and rapport, are harder to replicate
virtually. This can affect creativity and problem-solving within teams. Some companies have
started implementing “virtual coffee breaks” or informal chat sessions to address these issues.
(The word “informal” appears twice in close proximity, see if the repetition could be varied.)

Digital Inequality

Another pressing issue is digital inequality. Not everyone has equal access to high-speed
internet, devices, or digital literacy training. According to Van Deursen and van Dijk (2022),
these disparities can limit opportunities for remote work and online education, further widening
the socioeconomic gap. People from lower-income backgrounds may struggle to keep up with
technological changes, which can affect their ability to succeed in an increasingly digital world.
This divide also impacts access to information, healthcare, and social services, emphasizing the
need for policies that promote digital inclusion. (You might revisit the use of “which” in the
middle—this sentence is long and may benefit from a slight rhythm adjustment.)

Governments, nonprofits, and businesses are increasingly recognizing the importance of

bridging this gap. Initiatives such as affordable broadband programs, public computer labs, and
digital skills workshops aim to empower underserved communities. Addressing digital inequality
is essential not only for economic reasons but also for social justice and democratic participation.

Technology and Education

Education has been transformed by technology, especially in recent years. Digital tools
have made learning more accessible, allowing students to attend classes virtually, access a
wealth of information online, and use interactive platforms to enhance understanding. According
to recent studies, e-learning platforms have increased educational reach in remote and
underserved areas (Wang & Lim, 2022). (The term “platforms” is useful here, but check whether
it’s appearing repeatedly throughout the essay.)

However, this shift also brings challenges. The digital divide impacts students’ ability to
fully participate in online education, leading to disparities in academic achievement.
Furthermore, excessive screen time during remote learning can contribute to fatigue and reduced
motivation. Teachers face difficulties maintaining student engagement and adapting curricula to
virtual formats. Balancing technology use in classrooms with traditional teaching methods
remains a critical discussion for educators and policymakers. (The phrase “remains a critical
discussion” is effective, though “discussion” might be swapped for a slightly more precise term
if used elsewhere.)

Ethical and Privacy Concerns

Alongside social and psychological impacts, technology raises important ethical and
privacy concerns. The collection and use of personal data by companies and governments have
increased dramatically. Many users are unaware of how their information is tracked, stored, and
sometimes exploited for advertising or surveillance purposes. This lack of transparency can
undermine trust in digital systems. (Everything is clear here, just double-check that "advertising
or surveillance" doesn't appear too frequently across other sections.)

Additionally, algorithms that drive social media feeds and search results can reinforce
biases and misinformation, affecting public opinion and democratic processes. Ethical questions
around artificial intelligence, automation, and facial recognition technologies also demand
attention as these tools become more prevalent. Society must navigate these issues carefully to
protect individual rights and ensure technology serves the public good. (just ensure “also” isn’t
overused as a connector in back-to-back sentences.)

Technology’s Role in Globalization

Technology has also accelerated globalization by making it easier to communicate, trade,

and collaborate across borders. The internet connects people from diverse cultures, allowing
ideas and information to flow quickly worldwide. Businesses can operate globally with remote
teams and online marketplaces, expanding economic opportunities.

However, globalization driven by technology can also exacerbate inequalities and

cultural homogenization. While some countries benefit from digital integration, others may be
left behind. Moreover, global supply chains often rely on technology-dependent systems that can
be vulnerable to disruptions, as seen during the COVID-19 pandemic. The interconnectedness
technology enables requires robust international cooperation and adaptive policies. (Consider
whether the last sentence could be split slightly for rhythm, lots of linked phrases packed into
one idea.)

Reflection and the Future

As we continue to live in a tech-driven world, it’s worth asking whether all this
"connection" is truly making us feel more connected. While technology has brought undeniable
benefits like increased efficiency and access to information, it also demands careful reflection.
Its impact on mental health, social behavior, and workplace dynamics cannot be ignored. Though
technological advancements improve convenience, we must remain aware of their broader social
costs. Research shows that intentional tech use, mindfulness, and digital education can help
reduce negative effects (Fasoli & Spadaro, 2023). Let’s embrace technology, but also commit to
using it in ways that preserve our mental health, social bonds, and humanity. (The use of “Let’s”
gives this a more personal tone if that’s intentional, it works. Just confirm it matches the style
you want for the rest of the essay.)

Looking ahead, the rapid pace of technological innovation will continue to reshape
society. Emerging technologies like artificial intelligence, virtual reality, and the Internet of
Things promise even more profound changes. These advances bring exciting possibilities but
also new ethical, social, and psychological questions. How will we balance convenience with
privacy? How can we ensure that technological benefits are shared fairly across society? As
individuals and communities, we have a responsibility to engage critically with technology,
advocate for equitable access, and prioritize well-being alongside progress. (This is a well-
crafted conclusion, just take one final look at word balance across the closing paragraph,
especially around “responsibility” and “engage.”)
References

Fasoli, A. D., & Spadaro, G. (2023). Digital detox: Reassessing technology’s effects on well-
being and productivity. Technology in Society, 72, 102214.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.techsoc.2022.102214

Kessler, J., Bennett, M., Primeau, S., Williams, C., Costello, V., & Armstrong, A. R. (2023, July
19). Writing for inquiry and research. Windsor & Downs Press.
https://iopn.library.illinois.edu/pressbooks/writingforinquiry/

Smith, A. (2021). Technology and mental health: Understanding the emotional consequences of
screen time. Pew Research Center.
https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2021/11/23/technology-and-mental-health

Van Deursen, A. J. A. M., & van Dijk, J. A. G. M. (2022). Digital inequality in the age of remote
work: Challenges and strategies. Computers in Human Behavior Reports, 8, 100213.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chbr.2022.100213

Wang, Y., & Lim, J. (2022). The smart society: How digital tools reshape everyday life.
Technology in Society, 71, 102192. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.techsoc.2022.102192

Ziółkowski, A. (2017). Social media and the transformation of human interaction.

Communication Today, 8(1), 80–90. https://komunikacie.uniza.sk/pdfs/csl/2017/01/07.pdf

American Psychological Association. (2022). APA style common reference examples guide.
https://apastyle.apa.org/instructional-aids/reference-examples.pdf