Introduction

“What a degraded cosmos. What a case of

something starting out nice and going bad.” -
George Saunders, The 400-Pound CEO

"No matter how dreary and gray our homes are,

we people of flesh and blood would rather live
there than in any other country, be it ever so
beautiful. There is no place like home." - L. Frank
Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

This is a hexcrawl, arranged to fit a few different adventures, adapted for Troika! This book
contains 36 hexes of post-apocalyptic Americana, hooks and rumors for adventures, some
quick-and-dirty exploration rules, and a few “local” backgrounds in case you want to use them
as backup characters.
Thematically, Zu is a cross between The Wizard of Oz, Fallout, and CivilWarLand in Bad
Decline. Its characters include sadistic farmers and thirst-ravaged wastelanders as well as
talking animals and a hungry car crusher. This is all to say that Zu’s tone can range from gonzo
to grim, depending on how you frame it. My advice is to present the setting matter-of-factly
and let the players bring the jokes. After all, the denizens of Zu don’t know they’re in a game,
they have to live here and think they’re problems are dead serious.
Many Troika! books I’ve known and loved are comprised of new backgrounds, spells, and other
adventure accoutrements. This one is not. It’s just a big ole region to explore—complete with
settlements, dungeons, points of interest, and even a city. It has a history, factions, and inter-
connections but they’re planted naturally across the hexes rather than being front-loaded in a
big GM’s section. Enemy statistics are bolded and listed according to the usual Troika! format—
skill/stamina/initiative/armor.
And so, if questing through a twisted patch of America—rotten with want, gussied up in gold,
and fried in blasphemous magic beyond our ken—seems like a good idea, keep reading.

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 Table of Contents
Map ..................................................................... 2
Introduction ..................................................... 3
Locations .......................................................... 5
Vanilla Land ..................................................................................................... 5
Flower Fields..................................................................................................... 7
The Scorched Highway ................................................................................... 13
The Steel City ............................................................................................... 23
Hooks and Rumors........................................... 35
Time and Encounters ...................................... 36
Local Backgrounds .......................................... 37

This adventure was written, illustrated, and published by me, Operant Game Lab.

Field Trip to Zu is an independent production by Operant Game Lab and is not affiliated with the Melsonian Arts
Council.
4
 Vanilla Land
Even the most ignorant children of this sphere know Paulina is always guarded by six bloodstained
the realm is divided by a massive, transparent wall— knights (8/14/2/2, damage as maul) who she pays
mammoth glass panes linking concrete pillars that handsomely. The knights belong to the Red
pierce the clouds. Everything outside the wall is Swords—a mercenary order that never washes their
“normal” whereas everything that lies inside is foe’s blood from their armor, instead displaying it to
“wrong.” The “wrong” lands are called Zu. deter future enemies.
There is one break in the wall known to the people of
the “normal” lands—it lies just north of Happy Town. What is Paulina Doing?
Happy Town is the last “normal” place in the realm. It 1. Questioning a villager. Paulina thought she
has its quirks, as would any town ruled by a 9-year- heard her sigh. What is there to sigh about?
old girl. But at least the town is human and orderly. 2. Getting a piggyback ride from a bloody
North of it, a field of jagged glass leads to the broken knight. “Whee! Faster, my clunky steed!”
wall—and into Zu. 3. Stomping her foot and screaming. Someone
has graffitied over the town’s welcome sign—
lining out “Happy Town” and writing
I 15 Happy Town “Springvale” underneath in black paint.
Everyone is happy in Happy Town. They have to be.
4. Sampling the Sweetshop’s latest batch of
It’s the law.
candy. She is deadly serious but pleased.
Happy Town, formerly Springvale-on-Wall, is a police 5. Shooting rocks at her stuffed bear with her
state ruled by a 9-year-old girl named Paulina who slingshot while sobbing uncontrollably.
uses threat of transmutation to keep her subjects in Nobody is brave enough to ask why.
line. About fifty forcefully smiling villagers live here, 6. Jumping rope as nervous villagers count her
skips and cheer for a new record.
trading candy and whimsical cakes to the Pleasant
Partners Caravan for supplies on their monthly visits.
Forcefully Smiling Villagers
Paulina As making candy and cakes are the only legal
Paulina is a wiry girl in pink overalls and pig trades here, the villagers spend most of their time in
tails that rules this unhappy settlement. She lives in the sweetshop. Farming, sighing, crying, frowning,
the room at the top of the old clocktower in the raising livestock, carpentry, leaving Happy Town, and
center of town. One rickety (and well-guarded) spiral chess are all illegal. The villagers stay here out of
staircase is the only way up to her room. fear, toiling over molten sugar by day and tending
humble shrines to their transmuted loved ones at
Paulina is a spoiled, little tyrant who thinks of herself night. Lately, some despair in their huts, as the
as a wise and benevolent ruler with innovative laws. caravan missed its last visit.
The only reason she has power here is her wand of
transmutation. With a sharp “pop,” the wand turns What are the Villagers Doing?
any creature that fails to test its luck into a broom, 1. Clandestinely screaming into a pillow.
hat, chamber pot, or other mundane object. The 2. Walking around town with a basket of
wand is intelligent but mute. It works only for Paulina cupcakes, grimly stretching their lips into a
and must be freely given under written contract smile and muttering “happy thoughts, happy
before accepting a new master. Unknown to all, the thoughts, only thinking happy thoughts… Oh
wand only has five charges remaining. good! I stubbed my toe! I hoped I would!
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts…”
Paulina has an awful temper and throws wicked 3. Arranging rose petals and coins around an
tantrums. If she is not appeased quickly, her tantrum umbrella (transmuted loved one), a single tear
will escalate until Paulina pulls out her wand and clinging to their chin.
transmutes the offending “meanie.” She keeps her 4. Counting their dwindling food stores.
wand, a stuffed bear (her transmuted father), and a 5. Scraping dried syrup off an apron.
wooden slingshot (her transmuted mother) in her 6. Passing coded notes to arrange a (doomed)
pockets at all times. escape plan.

5
 H 14 The Glass Field
House-sized chunks of sharp glass smother the
greenery here. The rotted black remains of
wildflowers are visible through the shards.

At the center of the broken glass lies the wall. A mile-

wide portion is broken, allowing access between Zu
and the outside world. Just north of the wall, two
paths lead deeper into Zu:

1. A cracked, wide road—hot black tar cut by

yellow, dotted lines leads northwest.
2. A thin hiking trail carves northeast through a
waist-high field of rainbow flowers.

6
 Flower Fields
Waist-high fields of strange flowers punctuated by What are the Frawgs Doing?
the odd clearing or farm. Anthropomorphic animals 1. Morning. Mama Frawg is up, weaving reed
spout rural wisdom and desperate pleas for help. sleeping mats and gazing wistfully at the
Manners are appreciated. Violence is not unheard of. Steel City. Papa and Lil’ snore.
2. Afternoon. Papa Frawg is teaching Lil’ how to
I 13 Frog Pond sugar-talk, persuading a fly to land on his
tongue. The fly is interested but skeptical,
The flowers thin to reveal a pond—warm, muddy
waters shot through with cattails and reeds. A dozen wanting a second opinion.
fat flies the size of hummingbirds trace lazy circles
3. Evening. All are tending a campfire, roasting
grubs on sticks. They listen to the calm buzz
around fish carcasses that dot the water’s surface. A
of the cicadas and share tall tales about what
family of three frogs clusters at the pond’s edge. An
Zu used to be.
odd, gleaming weapon rests on a rock next to the 4. Night. Lil’ is sleeping on a reed mat. Mama
largest frog. and Papa take turns on watch—sitting on a
stump cradling the shotgun.
Fat Flies 5. Papa is explaining to Lil’ why sugar-talking
These fat flies (3/3/1/0 damage as flies is morally acceptable whereas outright
unarmed) want only to sap life and laze in the sun. lying is “ugly.”
They are gullible and speak in zippy, high-pitched 6. Mama and Papa are having a hushed
droning. argument over whether to discard their
nomadic lifestyle and petition for citizenship
Family of Three Frogs in the Steel City.
A family of three anthropomorphic frogs
(7/8/2/0) in straw hats and overalls. Papa Frawg Odd, Gleaming Weapon
wants to teach Lil’ proper moral values and presents The Frawgs have a “boomstick” (shotgun)
himself as a humble and wise family man. Mama which they fondly named “The Mediator.” They won’t
Frawg wants to quit their nomadic lifestyle and settle part with it “for an apple and an egg” as they know
in the Steel City. Lil’ Frawg just wants to hang out Zu is a dangerous place. They have 6 shells for the
with other kids. They speak in croaky drawls. gun, stored in a little, drawstring bag.

The Frawgs give hospitality to any travelers who can

Damage
give a respectable reason for being out here in Zu. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7+
Roll
They would trade rumors for coin, barter, or
interesting rhetorical techniques. Mama and Papa are
protective of Lil’ and the family’s possessions (reed The
2 3 5 7 9 12 20
mats, sewing kits, flint and knife, shotgun, and a Mediator
rhetoric textbook).

H 12 Shushing Flowers
Bright green weeds, grass, and clover—all mutated
and faintly wiggling. The plants are crowned with
delicate green appendages—hands, mouths, and
ears.

Talking near the plants evokes shushing from the tiny

plant mouths, the little hands covering the ears.
Yelling near the plants causes them to shrivel and
die.

7
 What are the Crows Doing?
I 12 Birds 1. Morning. The crows are checking on the egg,
A mammoth, wheeled contraption (corn harvester)
fixing its nest.
erupts from the flowers. It’s comprised of stabbing
2. Afternoon. The crows are in the grain tank,
metal teeth, a wire-cage cockpit, and a grain tank all
looking vainly for extra corn. They fight
spattered with chipped yellow paint and rust. Five
amongst themselves, sending bloody
bejeweled crows the size of men hop around the feathers and jewelry flying out of the tank in a
contraption squawking obscenities at each other. cloud of corn silk.
3. Evening. All are listening to one crow give a
Mammoth, Wheeled Contraption sermon listing their many sins and shaming
This corn harvester was abandoned here a them for bringing on the “burlap demon.”
few months ago by the Drecks (HEX J11). The 4. Night. The crows dance around a campfire,
harvester’s grain tank is empty save for some stray maniacally singing a song about all the
corn silk and shredded corn stalks. Its cockpit holds terrible things they’ll do to the scarecrow.
a crow egg, which will hatch in 6 days, swaddled in a 5. The crows are grimly discussing the merits of
nest of corn husks, old magazines, and packing eating the egg.
peanuts. 6. The crows are comparing their jewelry,
trading amongst themselves.
Five Bejeweled Crows
The crows (7/7/3/0) are desperate for food
but also appreciate jewelry of all kinds. They squawk
thuggishly at all passersby for “food!” and “shiny!
Now! Now!” They are impatient and paranoid until
their need for food or jewelry is satisfied. If violence
erupts, the crows latch on to their foes’ shoulders,
hoist them high in the air, and drop them on the corn
harvester’s jagged metal teeth (damage as falling+1).

Crow Jewelry
1. Opera glasses.
2. Thick gold chain looped through a clock.
3. Silver charm bracelet—tennis racquet, sword,
puppy, dice, and clover.
4. Class ring with a chipped emerald.
5. Brass nose ring, worn through a hole in the
beak.
6. Chic earrings—interlaced geometric shapes.

The crows had been eating the corn in the

harvester’s grain tank but ran out about a week ago.
Since, they attempted to gather more corn from the
Drecks’ farm (HEX J 11) but were repeatedly
thwarted by the scarecrow. In their delirious hunger,
they have come to fear the scarecrow as a demon,
sent to punish the crows for their wickedness.

When lucid, the crows are eager to form an alliance

with any creature(s) capable of delivering them the
scarecrow so that the crows may “peck the demon
J 12 Orange Tree
An orange tree growing one shack-sized orange. The
dead! Shred the body, burn the head!” weight of the massive orange pulls the tree’s trunk
into an exaggerated arch.

The orange has been hollowed out on one side,

making a sort of room. There is a makeshift table—
an overturned trash can—inside. A cowardly,
bespectacled snail named Bishop is trying to hide
behind the table.

8
 I 11 Creeping Kudzu Tar-Paper Shack
Vines with triangular leaves worm their way through A humble, one-room hovel made of half-
the flowers here. rotten wood and roofed with tar paper. The whole
thing is askew.
Walking through the vines causes them to wriggle
awake. The vines tenderly caress any creature they [A] Porch. Rotten wood floorboards support a moldy
can, hugging them and patting their backs before couch and a stained spittoon. The porch is guarded
allowing them to pass. by a life-sized lawn ornament—a jolly, sack-carrying
man wearing a red suit. A name is painted across his
ample belly: “DRECK.” The front door has a message
J 11 Shack and Farm painted on: “KNOCK LOUD.”
Flat, scraggly grass opens onto a vibrant corn field,
golden kernels peeking from their husks. A burlap- [B]Room. Floorboards littered with dirt and corn silk.
headed scarecrow impaled on a ten-foot pole Shelves of canned peaches, flour, mugs, thread, and
presides over the corn field. Its painted eyes blink. A nine porcelain tchotchkes of dogs playing sports
tar-paper shack squats at the edge of the cornfield. (30sp each). A wood-burning stove. A double-wide
cot, unmade and stinking. A trap door—with a round,
Burlap-Headed Scarecrow iron handle—cut into the scuffed floor.
The Drecks’ enchanted, immobilized
scarecrow (6/5/2/0, damage as unarmed, immune [C]Trap Door and Stairs. The trap door leads to a
to physical damage). Its body is a mass of straw rickety (5% chance of breaking) wood staircase. The
bundled into old clothes. Its head is an enchanted, staircase descends 15 feet into the cellar.
stuffed burlap sack with painted on facial features— [D] Dirt Cellar. Smothering darkness. Scent of
two eyes, two ears, and a nose. There is no mouth, copper and excrement. The ground and walls are
only a smear of brown paint. made of packed dirt. Four wooden supports reach up
to the ceiling. Shelves of paint and brushes face the
Any facial features painted onto the scarecrow’s stairs. Pitchforks, post-holers, and other tools are
burlap head instantly animate and become fully strewn carelessly.
functional. Similarly, any facial features that are
painted over are deleted. To prevent the scarecrow In the far corner, the giant corn snake (10/22/6/2,
from sharing details of their crimes, the Drecks damage as large beast or constrict as drowning)
painted over its mouth. waits, probing the air with its tongue, questing for
the telltale scent of fear sweat. Its body is a scaly
The scarecrow is brave and kind-hearted, wanting to ball of pinkish-orange tube muscle flexing against
warn all creatures away from the Drecks’ shack, as it itself—20 feet long and girthy as a tire.
knows they will try to feed the visitors to the giant
snake in the cellar. It flails and blinks urgently at all It loves the Drecks and considers them doting
who approach the shack, hoping to scare them off. parents. The snake is hungry but not above playing
with its food before a meal. It can speak reptilian in a
sardonic drawl but rarely wants to.

9
 K 11 Barn
A weather-beaten wood barn sags in a clearing, its
red paint peeling off in sheets.

Inside the barn lie hay bales and a bull wearing chain
mail. The bales are stacked to form three little rooms,
all empty but littered with dented cans. The bull is
chained to a heavy, rusted mass (broken tractor).
The bull is Hector—a self-proclaimed “caballero” with
a strict, chivalric code. He was chained here by a
gang of raiders and yearns to regain his honor.
Hector only speaks mammalian.

H 10 Hole Man
A stone well rises above the flowers. Off-key
caterwauling floats out of the well; a voice, like that
of a chain-smoking clown, sing-yells:

I’m the hole man.

I do all a hole can.
I want to play a game!
Come try to guess my name!
The Drecks If you’re right, you win a prize.
A married couple, Francis and Ethel If you’re wrong, I take your eyes!
(7/10/2/0, damage as polearm [pitchfork] or
unarmed). They present themselves as humble and
senile farmers wearing homespun clothes patched If anyone approaches the well, the voice explains the
with flour sacks. rules of the game. First, the voice gives the player (or
team of players) three clues: (1) “my name has six
Really, the Drecks are devious sadists. Time and hard letters,” (2) “it starts with an S,” and (3) “you can see
work have eroded their empathy. Now they just want part of it right now.” Then, the player gets three
to watch tender things squirm. Their favorite hobby guesses.
is to lure unsuspecting visitors into the dirt cellar
(AREA D) and block the trap door, cackling like mad If the player guesses correctly (Skyler), an impossibly
while the snake devours its prey. long and bony arm—ending in a scabbed hand
holding a cigarette and a tiny drawstring pouch—
The Drecks deflect suspicion with humor—“Oh the worms its way up and out of the well. The hand gives
scarecrow? I think he’s outstanding in his field. Har the pouch (3 uses of powdered will-to-become) to
har har.” Otherwise, they will avoid unwanted the player. “It brings inanimate shit to life. Don’t snort
questions by feigning deafness. Quickly after it!”
meeting visitors, the Drecks prod them into the cellar
If the player doesn’t guess correctly, the voice
saying they “really need to meet our boy, Jeb. He
instructs them to “lean over the well hole and stay
lives down here ‘cuz he likes it a little cooler…”
still. Don’t be a coward!” If the character(s) follow the
What are the Drecks Doing? instructions, the same arm and hand rises and plucks
out one eye from each losing character with a soft
1. Morning. Making biscuits.
“pop.” If the characters leave without giving up their
2. Afternoon. Walking through the field,
eyes, the voice goes on a tirade, “hey! You lost fair
checking the corn for rot.
and square! Come back here and gimme your eyes!
3. Evening. Patching work clothes with old,
They’re mine! Mine! I’ll find you, you little pissant! You
burlap flour sacks.
can’t stay above ground forever…”
4. Night. Snoring in bed.
5. Pulling the legs off spiders with tiny tweezers. If the player(s) explore the well hole, they find that it
6. Hissing insults at each other and dredging up descends well over a mile. Characters that fall down
old arguments. the well either (a) die or (b) enter the underground
kingdom of the Hole Man at the GM’s discretion.

10
 I 10 Eye Stalks The Town of Clover
A field of mutated roses—thorny stems terminating Put plainly, Clover is a town of sheep lovers.
in cloudy, blinking eyes. The people here raise sheep, look like sheep, act like
sheep, endorse sheep-based ethics, and commune
They love to watch but avert their gazes if asked by drinking the intoxicating milk of a mutated sheep-
politely. If snipped or pulled from the ground, the
lady abomination called Mother Mary. Although they
eyes shut forever, shedding a single, sap-like tear.
look like “normal” people from a distance, you can tell
a sheep lover by their rectangular pupils and broad,
J 10 Sheep Lovers leaf-shaped ears.
The ground here begins to roll gently into pleasant
hills topped with lush grass. A town, consisting of a The sheep lovers are gentle, happy, and a tad slow.
few dozen thatched huts arranged across neat They flock like sheep, following whoever happens to
square plots, sits just inside a bubbling moat of look particularly lovely that day. Each sheep-lover
caustic orange liquid. Two buff guards bedecked in family has a square, acre-sized plot of pasture on
primitive bone armor and sheep-skull helms block a which to live and raise a few sheep. They spend their
wood plank bridge—the only way across the moat. days making cheese, lying down in green pastures,
and reading fairy tales in their cozy thatched huts. Of
Two Buff Guards course, all sheep lovers gather at the meeting hall
These guards (8/14/3/2, damage as club each evening to ring the brass bell and sip Mother
[shepherd’s crooks] or restrain) have sworn an oath Mary’s milk from the pail of joy. Doing anything else
to protect the docile people of Clover. They wield in the evening would be “very wolfish, indeed.”
shepherd’s crooks and question all potential visitors,
pointing their crooks menacingly and calling out: “Are
thou wolfish? Or true sheep?” Obviously, they allow
entrance only to those who profess to be “true
sheep.” If outsiders are “wolfish,” one guard will run
to alert the town of “wolves in sheep’s’ clothing!” and
summon 10 more guards while the other blocks the
bridge.

The guards are condescending and patriarchal,

addressing visitors and townsfolk as if they were
lovable but dumb children—patting them with their
crooks and suggesting they “drink from still waters”
or “lie down in green pastures.” The guards only
receive Mother Mary’s sacrament once per year, lest
they become too docile to fight. As a result, their
eyes appear normal.

Bubbling Moat
The moat is full of a creamsicle-orange,
bubbling radioactive liquid. The original inhabitants,
religious refugees from the Steel City, salvaged
barrels of radioactive waste from the old dump (HEX
E12), and poured the contents—along with sewage
and rain water—into a moat in order to scare off
raiders.

The moat is just wide enough to make jumping it a

risky proposition (test luck to avoid landing in the
moat). Touching the liquid burns for 1 damage per
round. Any item that touches the liquid dissolves in a
puff of noxious vapor over one round.

11
 What are the Sheep Lovers Doing? Mother Mary is the most revered creature in all of
1. Morning. Chores. They turn out their sheep to Clover. She nourishes the sheep lovers each night
graze, fetch pails of water from the well, during communion—a social and religious ceremony
repair fences, etc. They are eager to help consisting of walking Mother Mary to the meeting
neighbors and strangers alike. hall, ringing the brass bell, milking her into the pail of
2. Afternoon. Rest. Youngsters take to the joy, and finally passing the pail of joy around so all
grassy hills, sprawling out on blankets to may drink her intoxicating milk and, occasionally,
sunbathe. Couples picnic, twang lazily at their receive a prophecy. Mother Mary’s milk is the reason
banjos, and swap gossip (each couple knows
the sheep lovers look like sheep—it makes the
two rumors).
drinker calm, happy, and dumb as a sheep while
3. Evening. Communion. The day’s work is done.
slowly morphing their physical features.
The tinkling of the brass bell floats past the
empty homesteads. All are gathered at the 2d6 Effects of Mother Mary’s Milk
meeting hall, listening to the frantic bleating
2-5 Mild. Slight euphoria and a calm docility.
of Mother Mary and supping from the pail of
Drinker must test their luck or suffer a -1
joy before passing it on down the circle.
penalty to all rolls for 1d4+2 watches.
4. Night. Curls of smoke rise from the thatched
6-9 Moderate. Intoxication and unconditional
huts where parents don sleeping caps, tuck
positive affect. Drinker must test their
their children into bed, and read them
luck or suffer a -2 penalty to all rolls for
cautionary fairy tales.
1d4+2 watches.
5. A flock of sheep lovers are amazed by a
10-11 Severe. Unresponsive. Drinker must test
charismatic but crooked trader from the Steel
their luck or lose consciousness for 1d4+2
City. They “ooh” and “aah” as they hand the
watches.
con artist their humble life savings in
12 Prophecy. The drinker is clearly special.
exchange for phony “self-sweeping” brooms,
They experience only a pervasive feeling
“magical” beans, and “pet” shrubs.
of goodwill and receive a vision of three
6. Dancing around a maypole to pan flute music.
obstacles that might confront them in the
Visitors and townsfolk alike are urged to grab
near future.
a painted ribbon and join in. The music, and
the dancing, grow faster and more frenzied.
Dancers begin to tire and drop to the ground.
The last dancer remaining is crowned the
holy hoofer and is honored with the duty of
milking Mother Mary at the next communion.

Mother Mary
The town’s founder and her prized ewe, fused
together into a hulking ovine abomination
(8/32/1/0, damage as large beast). Mother Mary is
the size of a Volkswagen Beetle, covered in stinking
tufts of wool and blistered pustules. Her face is a
melted mass of half-human, half-sheep eyes, ears,
and noses. She mostly writhes on the ground, but
occasionally can hobble lamely and with great
effort—shifting between her two human and four
ovine legs. She wears no clothing but a clean, white
bonnet tied reverently beneath her oozing chins. She
can make a sort of screeching, bleating sound but
cannot communicate. Outside of the evening’s
communion, Mother Mary is kept in a small, roofed J 9 Charged
pen behind the meeting hall. Blades of sawgrass standing straight up, as if at
attention. The air faintly hums.

All creatures who pass through feel their hair stand

on end, full of static charge.

12
 The Scorched Highway
Aching heat. Pads of black asphalt and hot dust
carpet the earth. Stinging weeds and burs rise from E 12 Glow Pit
the scorched highway, splitting and scabbing its A barren mesa. The ground is chalky and black,
once-smooth surface. Slouching ruins of concrete, puffing out clouds of staticky dust. Twisted heaps of
glass, and metal rise from the lifeless ground, trash rise from the dead earth. In the center of the
gravestones of what Zu used to be. trash field, the ground descends into a glowing pit—
a bowl-like depression filled to the brim with eerily
radiant objects. A metal guardian bangs around the
G 13 Greenlawn Heights glowing pit, slowly patrolling its outer rim on its two
A gray road passes by a shoulder-high stone marker. steel legs.
Its regal nameplate reads “GREENLAWN HEIGHTS.”
Past the marker, the road winds around near- Heaps of Trash
identical piles of rubble—concrete, glass, and The piled garbage strewn outside the pit
smashed porcelain tile. A few ruined houses stand. varies from ancient vehicles to rusted theme-park
rides to mounds of soiled clothes to heaps of archaic
Ruined Houses art.
1. An open garage door leads to a well-
preserved billiard table. The rest of the house Glowing Pit
is cratered. A choked, tangled mass of strange objects.
2. Piles of rubble partially obscure a garden All radiate faint heat and a whitish glow. The air is
shed and swimming pool. The shed contains thick.
a rusty lawnmower, shovels, and a lockbox
(revolver, damage as pistolet, 7 bullets). The All who descend into the pit take 2 damage per
pool contains fetid black water and a giant, round and must test their luck or suffer a mutation.
two-headed alligator (9/20/4/1 damage as
Strange Objects
large beast).
1. A pair of cracked spectacles that show the
3. A hill of broken glass leads to a mostly stable
toxic clouds of accumulated evil deeds.
kitchen. The shelves are stocked with bottled
2. A tall, pointy hat formed into a perfect cone.
water, canned tuna, and breakfast cereal. The
Lettering on the side reads: “DUNCE.” When
oven contains dog bones.
donned, it fuses to the wearer’s scalp and
4. A two-story house, perfectly preserved and
reduces the wearer’s intelligence to that of a
utterly empty.
mandrill (Skill 2). Removal is painful at best.
5. A destroyed house. In the back yard, some of
3. A bee-themed candy dispenser. It contains
the ashen soil has been disturbed. Digging
four pill-shaped candies stamped with the
with a shovel for one watch reveals a plastic
word: “ENSWEETEN.” Any creature that
tote box containing a cotton dress, pink hair
consumes one is turned to a pool of
bows, a bottle of whiskey, and a fine gold
morphable, liquid honey for 1d6 watches.
pocket watch, still ticking (500sp).
4. A copper whistle stamped with a distinct
6. Utterly crumbled, except for a carpeted
logo—a small T inside a large T. If blown near
staircase leading to a second-floor bedroom.
the Tinker’s Tower (HEX H11), the tower walks
In the bedroom a twisted man (8/8/2/0 area
to the blower and kneels, allowing them
damage as fusil [grenade]) rocks on the twin
entrance. Otherwise, the whistle does
bed, wailing madly and holding his grenade
nothing.
against the scabby hole where his nose used
5. A wooden horsehead impaled on a swirly,
to be.
bronze pole. The head is painted like a clown,
bright shapes and sunbursts stained with
H 13 School Bus soot. The head is still and mute but shrieks a
panicked neigh when threats approach.
The husk of a large vehicle—a singed metal tube
with the frames of seats, controls, and an octagonal 6. A marionette of a hoofed, pointy tailed man in
sign—spans the width of the highway. a red onesie. When addressed, the red man
animates for a moment, sizes up the scene,
A human skeleton, spreadeagled, has been lashed to and relays a dastardly yet effective plan to
the vehicle’s hood with dog leashes and jump ropes. exploit the situation for the user’s selfish gain
in the most mischievous way possible.
13
 Metal Guardian
Metamaxilla, guardian of the glow pit, is a
sentient car crusher (7/25/2/3 damage as gigantic
beast, slow, loud). Its body is a set of huge crushing
plates, flat and stained with the juices of past
victims, linked to two steel, pillar-like feet. It wants to
crush. Anything. Everything.

Metamaxilla moves at a snail’s pace and is

deafeningly loud. It patrols the glow pit, questing for
new creatures and objects to crush. After a good
crushing, Metamaxilla rests and reflects on its meal
for one watch before resuming the eternal hunt.

d36 Additional Strange Objects

# Strange Objects # Strange Objects
11. A xylophone that 24. Two sticks of gum
swallows noise that remove sense
when played. of taste.
12. Curly toed 25. A salad fork that
slippers that allow vibrates near
you to backflip. vegetables.
13. A quill pen that 26. Clown shoes that
writes limericks. become heavy
when tied.
14. A fish puppet that 31. A flashlight that
sings folk songs. projects a beam of
darkness.
15. A moldy, toy 32. An umbrella that
banana that predicts the
Mutations spawns flies. wrong weather in
11. Hoarse. Your voice is reduced to a strained morse code.
whisper. 16. A self-rolling stick 33. A lollipop that
12. Quadrupedal. Your anatomy begins to shift. and hoop. enlarges the teeth
After a week, you walk on all fours like a dog. and tongue.
13. Spiteful. Your nose scabs, liquefies, and 21. An instant 34. A d6 that ages the
sloughs off. flashbulb camera, roller 1d6 years
14. Tasty. The palms of your hands and soles of 8 pieces of film. when rolled.
your feet develop bumpy, flesh-colored taste 22. A stuffed cat that 35. A tennis racket
buds. says “woof” when that fuses to skin.
15. Wrinkly. Your skin doubles in size but your squeezed.
body does not. Folds and flaps of loose skin 23. A novelty nose 36. Two marbles that
drape your frame. that sneezes near always return to
16. Jittery. Your body is always moving. Sleep is strong odors. each other.
impossible without sedation.
21.
22.
Winged. You sprout ugly, functionless wings.
Gummy. Your teeth become cartilaginous.
F 12 The Pools
A field of innumerable craters—broad, shallow bowls
23. Smooth. Your hair spontaneously combusts blasted into the earth. Polluted water has collected
(1d3 dmg), never to return. in the craters, making iridescent pools.
24. Melted. Your body begins to melt,
appendages drooping earthward like so Characters drinking this water must their luck or lose
much candle wax. You’ll die in one watch. 1 stamina.
25. Scorched. Your skin sports a perpetual
sunburn.
26. Glowing. You seem like you’re always
glowing—because you are.

14
 [C] Office. A lobby dotted with lime-green chairs and
G 12 School dominated by a hip-high reception desk. Two inert,
A scab of hot asphalt blankets the ground. Past a
beige cubes with glass fronts rest on the desk. In the
smashed gate, a manicured patch of green hosts a
corner, past a wedged-open door, is a private office
tree decorated with strange ornaments. The tree
with a desk, a chair mounted on tiny wheels, and a
patch is bordered by three brick buildings.
metal cabinet of drawers. The drawers contain:
The School stacks of yellowed papers (illegible), two whistles on
lanyards, and a metal box labeled “TIME CAPSULE.”
Before Zu was Zu, this was a school for
children. Now, it is a quiet cluster of brick buildings, The time capsule contains well-preserved,
empty except for the custodian and the book baby. handwritten narratives of the lives and times of the
ancient children who attended this school as well as
[A] Smashed Gate. A five-foot-tall, wrought-iron
detailed renderings of these ancient people printed
gate punctuated with curlicues and the initials “LS.”
on thick card-like paper. This time capsule is worth
Its side is badly dented and its iron lock lies smashed
20sp to merchants and 600sp to scholars.
on the hot asphalt. The gate is ajar.
[D] Classrooms. Four classrooms and one bathroom
[B] Tree Patch. A grassy yard with a sprawling
connected by a hallway. The classrooms each have
banyan tree in the center. The yard is roughly 100
an array of tiny smooth seats with desk tops
feet square. The grass is weed-free and precisely
attached by metal arms plus black boards with tiny
cut. The tree is a twisted mass of low, far-stretching
pieces of chalk lined up in trays. Written on the black
branches with roots dangling down to the ground.
boards is an identical, lovely message (e.g., “Love is
Odd items have been tied to the branches with
all you need!” or “You make it all worth it!”).
fishing line. These dangling decorations include: (1)
padlocks with numbered dials, (2) mesh shorts, (3) The bathroom has a toilet and a sink, both inert, as
rusted metal boxes painted garish colors, (4) a linen well as mops, brooms, and other custodial tools. A
pouch sealed by interlocking metal teeth, (5) a half-melted candle and a book of matches sit on the
wooden stick with numbered markings, and (6) an toilet tank. A nest of mesh shorts and gray
empty book with three metal rings where the pages sweatshirts is bundled into a makeshift bed in the
should be, its cover marred with a stylized “S.” corner. All around the nest are stacks of books—
picture books, yearbooks, and textbooks. The door is
lockable from the inside.

[E] Cafeteria. A dining hall with six gray tables with

smooth stools attached with metal bars. In the rear, a
pantry stocked with bottled water, boxed pastries,
jarred sauces, and canned produce.

15
The Book Baby What is the Custodian Doing?
The book baby is an ancient artifact. It is 1. Morning. Writing a new lovely message on the
clearly a doll, the size of a toddler, dressed in chalk boards (AREA D), asking her baby what
pajamas that say, “READ TO ME.” The book baby they think of it. The baby does not respond.
emits a psychic soothe, making all those in its 2. Afternoon. Cutting the grass by the tree
presence feel like they’re cozied-up with loved ones (AREA B). She reminds the baby that it will
on a cold, rainy night, reading a good book and grow big and strong one day, just like the
sipping from a mug of piping-hot unconditional love. tree.
3. Evening. Mopping the floor in the office
Once per watch, the book baby will ask for a story by (AREA C). She recites long-memorized fairy
vibrating softly, blinking its eyes, and playing a tales to the baby, who she has harnessed to
message from a speaker on its back: “Tell me a story! her chest with old gym clothes.
Come on, one more?” If a character reads it a story, 4. Night. Sleeping on the makeshift bed in the
its psychic soothe will continue. Otherwise, the book bathroom (AREA D). She is dreaming of her
baby will “cry” from its speaker for one minute. If it baby’s first sleepover, graduation, wedding,
still does not hear a story, the baby will die—abruptly etc. The baby is cradled in her arms.
going silent, its psychic soothe ended. 5. Laying in the grass (AREA B) next her baby,
cloud-watching and reflecting on her good
fortune.
6. Taking inventory of her remaining food supply
(AREA E), slowly counting the cans and jars
aloud to her baby, hoping it will foster good
math skills.

F 11 Dunes
The gray soil begins to roll into creeping dunes. The
wind stings. There is no shelter.

G 11 Forked
A mannequin with dirty underwear stretched over its
head stands before a fork in the highway. Its arms
point in the directions of the forked paths—one north
and one northwest. Two dozen tarnished forks have
been stabbed into the mannequin’s buttocks.
The Custodian
The north-pointing arm is stained with miniscule
Since the school’s abandonment, a
blotches of dried blood.
wandering wastelander (7/10/2/0, damage as
unarmed) found this place and made it her home.
She is the custodian. She wears a blue jumpsuit with
someone else’s name sewn into the chest. She
subsists on old cafeteria food and spends her time
cleaning up the place and reading to the book baby.
Her heart beats only for the book baby, as it is the
lone thing that has shown her love. As long as she
breathes, she will not part with it.

The custodian wants to continue living her life here

anonymously. She is very intelligent and can speak
common, though she is unused to other people. She
fears all people and creatures, as she thinks they will
steal her baby. If she notices anyone approaching
the school, the custodian will lock the book baby and
herself in the bathroom (AREA D) and wait for them
to leave. If that fails, she will bite, scratch, kick, and
scream until she and her baby are safe again.

16
 [G] Linguistics Lab. A dented metal contraption with
H 11 Tower of the Tinker a smashed, glass screen dominates the room. It has
Giant, pointy footprints are smashed into the asphalt
two man-sized chambers stamped “INPUT” and a
and sand. The prints lead to a medieval, stone tower
large box with a sliding door marked “OUTPUT.” On a
mounted on copper legs lazily walking laps.
corner table is a mummified tongue branded “-R.”
The Tower The word compounder (contraption) is broken,
This is the Tinker’s tower. Though she is now
bashed by Abigale in a fit of rage. The R-remover
half-mad and enslaved by the Scowling Sorcerer
(tongue) works and has three charges remaining.
(HEX I9), she used to live here with her two When pointed at any item or creature, it transfigures
apprentices, Abi and Gale. This tower was the it by removing all the Rs from its name (e.g., a
epicenter of the catastrophe that warped the lands “corpse” becomes a “copse” of trees and a “brook”
of Zu. Now, the tower is empty, except for Abigale.
becomes a “book”).
[A] Copper Legs. Two 30-foot tall, pneumatic legs [H] Blown-Up Rubble. A room of polluted rubble—
(7/20/4/1 damage as large beast and punt target).
faintly warm and glowing white. The air tastes like
Each is stamped with a logo—a small T within a large
copper. The roof has been blown off this room by
T.
some explosive force, the stone walls shot through
If approached, the legs sidestep away slowly, as if with cracks. The floor is littered with piles of stone
creeped out. If touched, the legs stomp or punt the chunks and minor magical detritus (use the “d36
toucher like a football. If commanded to “stop,” with Additional Strange Objects” table from HEX E12).
a stern voice, the legs stop but will not bend down. If
a character blows the command whistle (HEX E12), All who spend time here suffer 2 damage per round
the tower will approach and kneel, allowing entrance. and must test their luck or suffer a mutation
(“Mutations” table from HEX E12). The god-kissed
[B] Entryway. Stone steps lead to a stout, wood door
candle is here, buried in rubble. For each round spent
with a knocker in the shape of the double-T logo. It is
searching, there is a 1-in-6 chance of finding it.
unlocked.

[C] Kitchen. A cute woodstove and cabinets flank

one wall while overstuffed sitting chairs ring a coffee
table against the other. Bottled water, tinned
sardines, hard cider, and pâté are available.

[D] The Room of Understanding. A pitch-black,

windowless room. The ground is cold stone. Two iron
cages squat in this dank place, their keys already
inside their locks. Against a wall, a polished rack
holds torture devices—a whip, tongs, chains, and a
sleek, pronged rod with a button (cattle prod, test
luck or be paralyzed for 1d6 rounds).

[E] Hydroponics. Posable lamps shine lavender light

into every nook and cranny. Colossal pumpkins,
watermelon, and pineapples lie in soil trays like fat
sunbathers. On the wall, kudzu vines creep up and
out a window and up the tower’s wall to AREA G.

[F] Trapped Stairs. An utterly barren room with

closed metal panels protruding from the walls. Every
other stair is worn—the others like new.

Inside the metal panels are glass vials of poison gas

(test luck or suffer as drowning until you rinse your
face with clean water). The like-new stairs are
trapped—characters must test their luck or else the
wall panels fling open, break the vials, and release
the poison.
17
Abigale E 10 The Frugal Farmer
An androgynously beautiful person in a red A battered, concrete-block building with faded
bandana and denim overalls. They tick and jitter, posters of carrots, pie, and jello. A decorative, bow-
showing obvious strain in consolidating two legged man in bird-shit-covered overalls gestures to
consciousnesses. the shattered sliding glass doors. Through the doors,
gawky pink shapes move between aisles of boxes,
It is abominable to fuse two people into one. As a
jars, and blackened produce.
result, Abigale’s moods vacillate wildly between
loyalty to the Tinker (Abi) and anger at their Building
transmutation (Gale). At the end of each turn, roll 1d6
Before Zu’s fall, this was a discount grocery
to determine what’s up with Abigale.
store about 100-feet long and wide. It is decorated
What’s Up with Abigale as an all-American family farm—fake tractors holding
1. Abi. Eager to describe their transformation, displays of cheap beer. The floor is littered with ads
commenting on the compounding procedures and newsletters for genetically modified “perfect
with smug pride. produce” like stemless pumpkins and imperishable
2. Abi. Outwardly calm but enraged by intruders apples.
defiling the sacred tower (attacks / attempts
to push out the windows in AREAS E and G). Bow-Legged Man
3. Abi. Ashamed that they failed to save the An animatronic of the frugal farmer. If
Tinker from the Sorcerer’s enslavement. They approached he rattles to life, greeting shoppers:
cage themself as punishment (AREA D). “Howdy!” If asked about the store, the farmer extolls
4. Gale. Spouting lurid rumors and insults the “savings inside! They make me happier than a pig
against the Tinker. in slop.” If asked about the outside world, the farmer
5. Gale. Breaking all the Tinker’s inventions. has a 3-in-6 chance of providing a useful rumor,
6. Gale. Peering over the entryway stairs, otherwise he simply cautions the asker “don’t put all
knowing that the fall is deadly but wishing to your eggs in one basket.”
be anywhere but stuck in this tower.
Gawky Pink Shapes
Due to their transformation, Abigale is functionally Eight six-foot-tall, mutated flamingos
immortal. They do not bleed, eat, drink, or sleep. (5/10/3/0 damage as modest beast [beak] and
They are immune to mutation. If their skin is cut, it chance to blind) with crazy eyes and oversized
heals within a day. If their body is split into parts, tongues flopping out past their beaks.
each part continues to live on independently.
The flamingos roam from aisle to aisle, pausing on
The God-Kissed Candle one foot to slurp the grubs and insects crawling over
A red, wax candle as big as a parking meter.
the rotten food. When threatened, they peck their
Carved in its wax, in celestial runes: “HAPPY
foes’ eyes out. When pleased, they regurgitate food
BIRTHDAY!” If it contacts living tissue, the candle
into their friends’ mouths. They can speak avian but
lights itself—its wick burning for 3d6 watches or until
only at a preschool level.
doused by water or wind. Any creature that makes a
wish and blows out the candle before the wick is Aisles
extinguished has their wish granted like this: Rotten food swarmed in bugs. Some intact
goods.
The players and GM tally the number of kind
things the wishing character has done. Then the 1. Produce stands—black masses of flies,
players and GM tally the number of cruel things grubs, and stinking fruit.
the wishing character has done. Subtract the 2. Two cases of bottled water.
number of cruel things from the number of kind
3. 36 cans of crab-flavored cat food, mint
things to find the wish modifier (WM). Then, the
condition.
wishing character rolls 3d6+WM. If the result is
4. Yellowing toilet paper.
greater than or equal to 10, the wish is granted in
5. A pyramid of highly processed snack cakes,
the most desirable (to the wishing player) way
well preserved.
possible. If the result is 9 or less, the wish is
6. 20 ancient, collectible toy cars(40sp each)
corrupted—it will technically come true but in such
packed in colorful cardboard and plastic.
a way that the wisher will regret ever finding the
stupid candle.

18
 F 10 Splash Zone
The pavement here breaks up, split and swallowed
by weeds. A hodgepodge aqueduct of colorful
tubes linked with shiny silver tape carries a trickle of
dirty water to a rusty pool. A queue of parched
people, their lips cracked and white, shuffles to the
pool where they are served by august women clad
in moist yellow. Dozens of shanties flank the pool.

Hodgepodge Aqueduct
A rickety, but unbroken, line of old
waterslides that flows from the north of the Steel
City down to this plain. In better times, it was the
Amalgamatrix’s crowning achievement, providing
endless, clean water to the desperate people of the
highway. Since her overthrow by the Scowling
Sorcerer, the aqueduct’s flow has been halted by
royal decree and only a trickle of runoff reaches
these luckless souls.

All who attempt to climb the raised aqueduct are met

with jeers of “fools! Impudent halfwits!” and risk
tumbling 2d6x10 feet to the field of chunked asphalt
and weeds below.

Rusty Pool
The aqueduct ends just above this sun-
bleached, above-ground pool. Ladders on both sides
of its walls allow entry and exit. Inside, the pool is
nearly bone dry as the moisture mothers fastidiously
scoop and sponge any puddles that manage to form
from the aqueduct’s paltry trickle.
August Women Clad in Moist Yellow
Parched People These are the moisture mothers, revered holy
At least two hundred bent, mutated, and women who donned the sponge-sewn robes and
sunburned people sapped by thirst. They cradle swore to serve the desperate, the tired, the thirsty.
buckets and bowls and wear torn shirts depicting They work in the rusty pool, sopping its dirty water
cartoon animals, defunct auto brands, and other lost with their sponges and squeezing it out into the
iconography. Some try to defend their place in line: waiting hands, bowls, and mouths of the thirsty
“no cuts! The mothers don’t serve greedy curs.” masses. Their grace is boundless.

If given a tithe of clean, bottled water, the moisture

mothers will favor the donor with a fortune, tearing
off a sponge and reading its holes, grooves, and
moisture content. Dry, large-holed sponges signal
tragedy but moist ones foretell the savior’s flood—
the day when the chosen one slides down the
aqueduct on a renewed stream of cold, clean water.
“Could you be the chosen one?” opines the moisture
mother, scrutinizing the sponge’s scouring pad
before anointing one’s forehead with stink water.

Shanties
Tiny shacks made of salvaged amusement
park rides, souvenir stalls, and food carts. Puny
campfires burn painted wood and smog-spewing
tires.

19
 Shanty Encounters
1. A rail-thin woman with peeling skin barks
G 10 Rabbit Foot Lodge
The highway narrows to a road flanked by
orders at a muscle-bound man. “Clean this
pockmarked signs and hot, black cables. The road
sty, you worthless bot!” The man beeps
ends in a square lot of faded parallel lines. Here a
obedience, tidying up cooking pots, tarnished
jaunty sign leans over a lodging house—pastel-blue
coins, and a striking, yellow protective suit
(hazmat suit). doors affixed with brass numbers—1 through 4.
Adjoining the house is a pool, around which roided-
The woman has successfully convinced the
up freaks stomp and shout at splashing swimmers.
man he is a robot. The man believes it and
obeys her commands. The hazmat suit Jaunty Sign
nullifies mutations and damage from radiation.
A tall, cylindrical pole bent with age. It
2. A gang of mutated children arrange and rub
supports a broad sign declaring this the “RABBIT
several black-tailed tools (toasters, blenders,
FOOT LODGE” in smoked glass tubing. The sign is
lamps). Each time they rub one, they gasp
hopefully, wait, then exhale sadly “aww.” about 20 feet tall and leans directly over the roof of
the lodging house. Metal hand holds have been
The children heard that some vessels contain
welded to the side of the pole and bottom of the
immortal, wish-granting beings. Their 13-toed
sign, allowing one to climb up to the lodge’s roof.
leader convinced them to wish for “food and
water and toys and no takebacksies.” Lodging House
3. A man with a beard combover and bone
Formerly a low-budget motel. Its four rooms
jewelry announces himself as “the finest
are still standing—doors shut, tartan curtains drawn.
barter surgeon in all of Zu.” Cartoon stink lines
emanate from his necklace—yellowed teeth
Rooms
and blackened toes connected with floss.
1. Locked. A king-sized bed with fluffed pillows.
The surgeon will attempt any requested Ancient bodybuilding magazines and bottles
operation in exchange for a contribution to his of oil litter the floor. Huge forks on wall racks.
necklace. He is of moderate skill (4-in-6 2. Unlocked. Two urine-soaked twin beds and a
chance of success), but full of passion. rabbit-eared TV (broken). Voices bickering
4. Two scraggly women slump inebriated on about seasoning techniques come from
rags. Brown spit trickles from the corners of behind the closed bathroom door.
their mouths, their minds blank as farts. A bag
In the bathroom, Yoked Ed and Trapezius Tina
of coins (76sp) rests in one of their
are preparing a marinade for the initiation
unresponsive hands. A pouch of psychoactive
dinner in the bathtub.
chew weed (4 doses) rests in another.
3. Unlocked. Empty.
5. Three badly scratched old men bend over a
4. Locked. The Juicy Boyz’ treasure room. 67sp,
hole in the ground. There is a dead rat in the
3 gold chains (150sp each), a standing mirror,
hole and tears in the men’s eyes.
a pyramid of dumbbells, and 12 doses of
The men are having a funeral for their late pet. injectable steroids (+2 to physical skills and -1
Moments ago, starving wastelanders attacked to all other skills for 1d6 watches).
them, scratching and clawing in the hopes of
eating their dead pet rat. The mourning men On the lodge’s roof sits a reinforced spit—big enough
were victorious and will now trade rumors for to roast an elephant—arranged over a fire pit.
poetry and blessings for their dead friend.
6. A gang of raiders—five tattooed men and Roided-Up Freaks
woman in sports pads, faces smeared with Ten leather-wearing, bulging, vascular,
lipstick and stinking of perfume—roasts cannibalistic marauders (8/14/2/1, damage as
speared pigeons over a campfire. A few [chef’s] knife).
famished wastelanders plead for them to
share their food. They are denied and mocked. Splashing Swimmers
The raiders just made a big score, picking Three young men and women gasping for air
clean a partially ruined cosmetics store. They and splashing frantically. Their limbs are roped to
proudly applied their haul and are eager to dumbbells, pulling them down.
collect compliments. Anyone approaching
their food or looted make-up without These are hopeful initiates of the Juicy Boyz gang.
permission gets a swift stab in the ribs from a Whoever cries uncle, or drowns, first is marinated
raider (7/12/2/1 damage as spear). and roasted for dinner. The rest join the gang.

20
 F 9 Salvage
Heaps of junk are stacked chest-high, bordered by a
lonely strand of barbed wire. Inside, crunched cars,
torn tires, shattered light bulbs, plungers, hats, high
heels, VHS tapes, and all other manner of trash are
arranged in rows. This maze of garbage is massive.
Rats and flies do as they please.

Searching for a particular piece of pre-Zu trash takes

one watch and has a 2-in-6 chance of success.
Random pieces of garbage are listed below.

d36 Pieces of Garbage

11. Toilet seats. 24. Rusted ladders.
12. Mustache cream. 25. Pool skimmers.
13. Books. 26. Milk jugs.
14. Rat traps. 31. Kids’ stickers.
15. Gardening gloves. 32. Powered soap.
16. Skateboards. 33. AA batteries.
21. Zip ties. 34. Rancid cooking oil.
22. Bent screws. 35. Pitchforks.
23. Hairy disposable 36. Swimming
razors. goggles.

21
 G 9 Black Pad
A massive splotch of asphalt big as a lake, its surface
glossy and swept clean by the wind. The pad
radiates the day’s heat—making it a welcome home
for the giant iguanas that cluster here and there.
22
 The Steel City
Clean, deserted avenues and roads overseen by Wheels
blinking streetlights. Some pre-Zu buildings of Giant, power-generating treadwheels
inscrutable purpose stand intact, the rest were endlessly spun by plodding subjects. They look like
evidently hauled away, leaving manicured parks and
giant hamster wheels made of salvaged metal and
gardens brimming with fresh produce. Desperate,
junk. Each wheel is accompanied by a dirty bedroll
branded subjects toil under the Sorcerer’s yoke—
tending the gardens and pulling privileged citizens in and a stake for its occupant’s leash.
pillowed buggies. Troopers and wardens comb the
Wheel Encounters
city in the Sorcerer’s name, keen eyes searching for
1. A man’s corpse, still warm. Bloody, bare feet.
insurgents, troublemakers, and potential bribes.
2. A trooper jabbing at a lagging woman with a
ten-foot pole, “faster! Slackers don’t eat…”
H 9 The Amalgamatrix 3. An elderly woman napping on her bedroll.
Manicured grass and flower boxes full of tulips—all 4. A young man with a shank extorting his
neat as a pin. In the center of this garden, a dozen neighbor for half of their hardtack and jerky.
granite steps rise to a kind of stone stage on which a 5. An empty wheel next to a leash ripped in half.
big glass box sits. The box holds a motionless figure. 6. A gasping young woman begs for “water…
clean water, please…” in a wheezing voice.
Big Glass Box
The box is big as a house. Though its sides
are smudged with handprints, there is clearly a
creature in there. The creature is as big as a whale
and made of an amalgamation of different parts—
mannequin legs, crab claws, rat fur, piston arms,
wheels, and cracked glass prisms. Atop the creature
sits a woman’s head—her vacant eyes flanking a
neat, circular wound in her forehead. It is dead.

A bronze plaque is affixed to the box. Its engraved

message reads:

Rejoice you wretches! The Sorcerer has won! The

Amalgamatrix, He slew. Her city, He conquered.
Her truths, He canceled. Submit to His wisdom and
White, Metal Cubes
let many good things trickle upon you. Learn well Twenty massive batteries that store all the
the new history: Steel City’s electricity. They are charged by the
wheels.
The Amalgamatrix did NOT bring peace. She did
NOT feed the poor. Her body was NOT a show of Mutated Woman
coexistent love. The Sorcerer IS the smartest man A wrinkled crone wearing a stained bedsheet
alive. His wisdom HAS brought prosperity to Zu.
from which a dozen rubbery arms dart and fidget.
His subjects EXULT in the works he assigns them
She clacks ceaselessly at the screens on the cubes
and NEVER EVER curse his name behind his back.
LONG LIVE THE SORCERER KING OF ZU! with yellowed fingernails. Her matted, gray hair
droops to the ground, covering it like a filthy rug.

This is the Tinker (9/10/3/0, 3 spells)—a deathless

I 9 The Wheels alchemist whose experiments with the will-to-
A field of despair. Horrid squeaking and moaning fill
become caused Zu’s catastrophe. She has near-
the air. Hundreds of mechanical wheels hold panting
perfect knowledge of pre-Zu technology, alchemy,
men and women leashed to stakes in the ground.
and graphemic magic. She craves freedom—and a
Thick black cables snake from the wheels to a bank
chance to forge a spell to undo Zu’s apocalypse—but
of white, metal cubes the size of shipping containers
is enslaved by the Sorcerer and always guarded. She
in the center of the field. A mutated woman with a
has lived at least a millennia and time has made her
dozen arms giggles and snorts as she checks the
crazier than a flat-Earther with ergot poisoning.
cubes, trailed by troopers.

23
 Tinker Interactions Subjects and Plans
1. Interrupts every question with an 1. Bloch. Wants to follow the aqueduct south to
exasperated “yes! The proof is right there!” the Scorched Highway but will not commit
pointing vaguely to the sky. without a majority vote. He cannot get one.
2. Requests a piece of your ear wax. Studies it 2. Mary. Favors returning to the wheels (HEX I9)
carefully. “You will die in three days…” Eats to rescue her mother, then heading southeast
the ear wax. Howls with laughter. to the Flower Fields. She keeps getting lost,
3. Insists she has met you before and that this leading the group in circles.
conversation has already happened. “There’s 3. Franky. Wants to stand before the Sorcerer
no use having it a second time.” (HEX I7) and plead for citizenship. He keeps
4. Breaks down crying at your approach. “No... I chickening out.
want to join you but I am bound in service. 4. Penny. Is perfectly happy to sit in the road
Ask the Sorcerer! Beg his permission!” and wait for a “chosen one” to come along
5. Mockingly repeats everyone’s speech. and lead them to the “land of bliss.”
6. “Look at this!” gesturing excitedly to an acorn
she keeps stashed behind her ear. She won’t
Chintzy Crown
move on until the acorn is praised.
A flimsy paper crown wrapped in faux gold
foil. Although it is not magical, the squabbling
Troopers subjects all respect its authority and crave its power.
Young men and women who make up the The four of them will follow almost any instruction
bulk of the Sorcerer’s forces. Their personalities are from whoever wears the crown. Additionally, the
as varied as their uniforms—a mismatched subjects work tirelessly—through flattery, tricks, and
assortment of pre-Zu police uniforms, military force—to take the crown for themselves. Each time
fatigues, and track suits. Each has a 2-in-6 chance the crown is successfully stolen, the subjects click
of being armed with a rifle, otherwise they wield their heels and give the new wearer an intricate
various melee weapons. They travel in squads of 3d6 salute chanting, “might makes right! All hail
troopers (7/12/2/1, damage as weapon) and have a [character], the [epithet].”
1-in-6 chance of being lead by a warden (p.28).

Most obey orders to achieve citizenship. Some extort

subjects and citizens alike. A rare few whisper of
political revolution. All carry badges bearing the
Sorcerer’s seal.

F 8 Refugees
Four badly scratched subjects fighting in the middle
of a deserted road. They claw and grasp at each
other—reaching for chintzy crown lying on the
sidewalk.

Subjects
These are recent escapees of the wheel (HEX
I9). They all want to escape the Steel City but cannot
agree on a leader or a plan. After one subject donned
the scavenged crown, everyone respected its
authority—and coveted it for themselves. So far, the
crown has been stolen 17 times and the group has
made no progress.

24
 Operations
G 8 Horologist 1. Grapple hand. The patient’s hand and lower
A squat, brick building with faded lettering on its
arm are replaced by hooks and reels of cable.
side. On the roof, a statue of a man made of cogs
The patient can grab objects and creatures
and gears looks down on visitors, hands on hips.
from up to 15 feet away. On a fumble, the
Through the glass door and past a desk crammed
grapple hand is jammed until oiled.
with bric-a-brac, a robotic man in a white coat 2. Piston legs. The patient’s pitiful meat legs are
fiddles with a strange chair. replaced by mighty pistons and false feet.
The patient can leap up to 30 feet.
Faded Lettering Additionally, the patient can launch each false
The lettering reads: “TOOTH TIME PEDIATRIC foot as a missile weapon (damage as bow)
DENTIST.” though they must retrieve and reload it before
walking or running.
Bric-a-Brac 3. Magnifying eye. The patient’s eye is replaced
Wooden birds bobbing in and out of glasses by a series of lenses and a photo-screen. The
of water, tiny, cloth animals half-filled with beans, patient can see anything within 30 feet in
garish disks with renderings of ancient people and exacting detail (tracking and searching rolls
cartoons, several funny dice, a fortune-telling increased by +2). However, the eye only sees
sphere, etc. in black and white.
4. Data cylinder. A seldom-used chunk of the
Robotic Man patient’s brain is replaced with an etched
A middle-aged, paunchy man—half flesh and cylinder, like that in a music box. The patient
half clockwork parts. With one chubby hand, he can attempt to recall relevant technical facts
inserts a brass key through his ear, winding an (e.g., the properties of plants, regional
unseen spring. The other hand is a puzzle of piano folktales, trade routes, etc.) by testing their
luck once per day. On a success, the patient
wire and copper plates. He speaks from a
recalls a relevant, useful fact—otherwise the
phonograph placed where his mouth should be, the
fact they recall is fun, but useless. The
voice a mix of human speech and analog hiss. cylinder must be wound with a key inserted
This is the horologist (8/12/3/1, damage as through a port in the skull once per day or
else the patient begins to lose old memories.
unarmed +2 [mechanical hand]), an accomplished
surgeon and clockwork enthusiast. He plies his trade
here, strapping wealthy citizens into his dentist chair Strange Chair
to give them “clockwork enhancements” and, A posable, padded chair. Levers and buttons
occasionally, routine medical procedures. adjust the chair’s height and posture. There are
buckled straps along the chair’s arm rests. A blinding
The horologist is a whiny, selfish nerd who loves light shines on the headrest.
tchotchkes and minor magical items, lacks any
semblance of bedside manner, and demands to be
addressed as “the horologist.” He charges 200sp for
any given operation.

25
 H 8 The Promenade Bars and Bistros
A city! The gleaming heart of the Steel City! Swept
boulevards shouldered by iron lamps, puffs of steam The restaurants here have unique customs
suffused by their electric-blue light. Facades of steel and limited menus. A decent meal costs 1d6x10 sp.
and black glass. Savory aromas lead to bars and
Bars and Bistros
bistros. Creatures of leisure strut between chic
1. Beouf. Servers flit between marble booths,
salons and boutiques on heated sidewalks.
delivering steaks on silver platters. Massive,
Gleaming Heart of the Steel City glass aquariums—connected by a series of
tubes—hold numbered cows. Guests holds up
The city’s center is electrified, pristine, and
their fingers to confirm their selections. “I
exclusive. Humans predominate but all manner of
thought I’d take #4 but #7 looks more lively…”
privileged creatures hobnob here. Merely existing
Sucking sounds. A cow-shaped streak flies
here is expensive—loiterers, dead beats, and
through the tubes. “Mooooo!” Chainsaw
activists are hauled off by the troopers to work the
roars. Squelches. “…and a filet for the lady.
wheels (HEX I9) or beg for the Sorcerer’s mercy (HEX
Bon appetit.”
I7).
2. Guise! Costumed guests honk and bray and
Street Happenings oink, reclining on plush couches. Silent
1. Two barefoot paupers haul a sedan chair. The servers in wooden masks bring exquisite
curtain is parted, revealing a perfectly slabs of meat to the guests—fried chicken to
hairless man wafting himself with a crystal a feathered lady, venison to a teen in antlers.
fan. At this restaurant, guests order by dressing
2. Two hairless coneheads slip gold pieces into as their desired protein. Guests without
a paid water fountain (clean, purified water). costumes are assumed to be cannibals and
3. Mustachioed men of leisure play cards in a are roughly expelled with carving forks.
pedicab, clouds of pipe smoke trailing them. 3. The Silver Siphon. Burly doormen collect
4. A pneumatic nanny shushes two screaming patrons’ cover charges and hose them down
children as they tantrum for a shopkeeper’s with mild antiseptic prior to entry.
chrome top hat. Inside, guests immerse themselves in gigantic
5. A man and woman in sequined nightgowns versions of desserts and drinks. Two bald
having a chicken fight. They giggle and flail at men hog the horchata hot tub. An elderly
each other from atop the shoulders of woman dives into a sundae glass, narrowly
frowning servants. dodging its giant banana. Boisterous young
6. A trooper cracks their whip at a scabrous men and women in birthday hats kneel and
beggar as she escapes, yipping into a storm slurp at a porcelain tub full of old fashioned,
drain with a pilfered piece of eel pie. their lipstick sloughing off into the drink.
4. Sabor? “One must dampen the lesser senses
to experience true flavor, yes?” asks the
maître d as he stuffs a guest’s ears full of
cotton and applies the sticky blindfold. “I
mean… I guess…” stammers the guest as he
is handcuffed.
Daring guests are blinded, deafened,
handcuffed, and moved to isolated tasting
pods. There, they are fed an individualized
sequence of 15 bites by mute waitstaff. The
food is exquisite but guests occasionally
complain of “missing” personal items at the
end of the meal.

27
Salons and Boutiques
I 8 Colossus
A towering monument of colored glass sears the air
Aloof salespeople and niche services. No with shafts of rainbow light. Sweat-stained
prices are listed—if you have to ask, you likely can’t wretches toil around the massive statue, hauling,
afford it. Any item or service costs 1d6x5 sp. dyeing, and soldering glass under the watch of a
hulking figure clad in bronze.
Salons and Boutiques
1. hex∆. A tiny man with a melted face and gold Towering Monument
teeth guides customers to various curios—
A colossal statue of a man, in progress.
alchemy scissors, philosophy smoke, witch-
Thousands of colored glass polygons form boots,
hair socks. He is especially keen to sell his
“wizard in glass”—a lilliputian with a floppy ankles, legs, and thighs. The rest has yet to be
hat encased in a glass pyramid containing a completed. When the sun is out, the colossal
miniature bed, writing desk, and trapeze. monument sheds a harsh glare. At night, the statue is
“She’ll work for treats,” explains the quite beautiful, filtering the worker’s campfires into a
shopkeeper, shaking a can of fish flakes. soft, calming glow.
2. RJVNT. A cacophony of grinders, drills, and
hammers rules this shop. Staff in thick This is the Sorcerer’s colossus—a giant monument
coveralls and welding masks direct their he has commissioned to solidify his legacy as a
machine-augmented clientele behind privacy strong and wise leader. The Sorcerer tires of the
curtains so their clockwork enhancements slow pace, hoping to secure new subjects and add
may be buffed, waxed, and oiled. them to the work crews.
3. Haute. Thin, chic salespeople avoid eager
customers, coalescing around the already Sweat-Stained Wretches
fashionable so they may mock everyone Subjects of the Sorcerer, men and women in
else’s clothing together. For sale: emerald threadbare shirts and ripped denim bearing the
trousers, gauze-thin overalls, four-piece Sorcerer’s brand on the back of their necks. They
swimsuits, corduroy slippers. curse and mock the Sorcerer but never in front of the
4. Bust! Custom Statues. Customers confer with Warden, as they fear being transferred to The
their sculptor-concierge—choosing from Wheels (HEX I9).
marble, bronze, plaster, ice, etc. and picking
their preferred props. After an hour of posing, By day, they haul salvaged glass to the work site, cut
guests are presented with their intricately it, dye it, and solder it into pieces for the monument.
detailed statues. By night, they roast squirrels and sip alcoholic
porridge by the campfire. Occasionally, one sings an
ancient ballad to a chorus of a-cappella backing.

Hulking Figure Clad in Bronze

This is one of the Sorcerer’s wardens
(10/18/4/3, damage as automatic rifle). They are
the elite, clockwork knights that command his
troopers and maintain the Sorcerer’s steely grip on
the land. Their panoply of bronze armor conceals a
maze of cogs and wires faintly resembling humanity.
They do not chit-chat. They do not smile. They do
not wonder. They speak, in voices of grinding gears,
only to issue commands. They will die for their
cause.

Damage
1 2 3 4 5 6 7+
Roll

Automatic
4 6 8 12 16 22 28
Rifle

28
 G 7 Water Tower
In a clearing surrounded by apple trees, a water
tower on three spindly legs rises above the tree line.
The aqueduct ends here, bolted to a collar on the
side of the tower’s tank. On the tower’s top balcony,
a trooper with a scoped weapon (sniper rifle) snores
loudly, cap pulled over their eyes. On the ground,
three trooper idiots cavort under trees laden with
budding, sour apples.

Water Tower
A gray, metal water tower with three crooked
support legs and a stout, cylindrical tank. A rusty,
100-foot ladder connects the upper balcony to the
ground. On the side of the tank, a metal collar and
bolts secure the aqueduct’s plastic tubing to the
tank. A rusty valve wheel stamped “FLOW” just out of
the collar.

Turning the valve wheel is a minor feat of strength, H 7 Barracks

A wide loop of road sprawls out over manicured
as years of neglect have rusted it in place. If turned
grass. In the center of the road, a fat concrete pad
successfully, clean water will flow from the tower
supports a rickety scaffold of junk. Three clusters of
into the aqueduct, ending in the splash zone on the
highway (HEX F10). By the Sorcerer’s decree, this tube-shaped barracks branch off the road.
life-saving flow of water to the cracked highway has Scaffold of Junk
been staunched for some years.
A vertical maze of plywood, sheet-metal, and
Aqueduct scavenged billboard platforms stretching 100 feet
A rickety, but unbroken, line of old into the air. Power tools of all kinds litter the scaffold.
waterslides and scavenged tubing that, in better There is a 2-in-6 chance the Junk Giant
(ENCOUNTER 1) is here being repaired under a spray
times, carried water to the people of the cracked
of welding sparks.
highway (HEX F10).
This shaky scaffold is used to repair and maintain the
Trooper with a Scoped Weapon
Junk Giant. A mish-mash of ladders, rope, and metal
This pale, snoozing trooper has a sniper rifle
rungs allow the troopers stationed here to climb the
(damage as fusil, magnifying scope) and is thought
scaffold and patch up the Junk Giant.
to be the laziest soldier in the Sorcerer’s forces.
Actually, he is suffering from hookworm infestation Barracks
due to his refusal to march in boots—making him Giant Nissen huts house three fiercely rival
liable to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. platoons of troopers—the razors, the phantom hand,
and the gherkins. All 112 troopers stationed here are
Three Trooper Idiots
led by Warden Mussterkran, a joyless taskmaster
Young men and women freshly drafted into
who enjoys pitting the platoons against each other.
the Sorcerer’s forces. They’re green as could be, full
of bluster and secret fear. Instead of patrolling the What are the Troopers Doing?
perimeter, they goof off at the edge of the apple 1. Morning. Close-order marching drills.
trees—playing lawn darts, chomping psychoactive 2. Afternoon. Target practice.
chew weed, and counting their extorted bribes— 3. Evening. Intramural lacrosse. A fight is
several ivory masks decorated with peacock brewing between the razors’ team and the
feathers (500sp). gherkins’ over a controversial penalty.
4. Night. All are in the barracks sleeping,
tripping on chew weed, or receiving illicit
tattoos.
5. Playing William Tell.
6. Secretly sharing dangerous political literature.

29
 [C] Plaintiffs. Decadent citizens and lowly subjects
I 7 Scowling Sorcerer of Zu huddle together on the bleachers, snacking and
Looming over a campus of abandoned brick
rehearsing their arguments. Most of the arguments
buildings, a stadium. A lined field of bright green turf seem to be based on flattery and reference the
ringed on three sides by metal bleachers pocked Sorcerer’s “prodigious wisdom” and “meaty
with small, jagged holes. Cones of harsh light beam intelligence.”
from floodlights, converging on a fire and banner in
the center of the field. A tremendous hulk on a Citizens’ Grievances
concrete throne reigns over the whole scene. 1. Two squabbling citizens with a property line
Corpses are skewered on yellow posts. dispute. They each claim the two-foot strip of
grass that connects their villas belongs only
Court of the Sorcerer King to themself. The Sorcerer hears the
The Sorcerer King of Zu uses this college arguments patiently, then declares that the
football stadium as his court. He believes ancient citizens shall take turns owning the contested
philosophers settled their disputes here through patch, alternating every other day.
blood sport and chose this site to associate himself 2. A burly butcher hauls a gaunt figure to the
with their wisdom. Those who seek an audience with 50-yard line. The butcher claims the starving
the Sorcerer King are expected to give their name man, who makes no defense, stole 20 of his
and grievance to the scribe at the 50-yard line and sausages. The Sorcerer rules that the thief be
wait in the bleachers until they are called. skewered on a goal post until dead, after
which the butcher may process the body into
[A] Gate. The stadium is bordered by a chain-link 20 restitution sausages.
fence topped with barbed wire. On the south side, a 3. An incensed noblewoman brings a grievance
wrought-iron gate emblazoned with a bronze torch against a sculptor. She commissioned a
stands open. statue of her son which, ironically, collapsed
on her son due to the sculptor’s shoddy
[B] Scribe. On the 50-yard line, between the
workmanship, crushing him to death. The
Sorcerer’s banner and a roaring fire pit, stands Lerr—
Sorcerer decrees that the noblewoman erect
the Sorcerer’s scribe (7/12/3/1, damage as club+1
a statue of the sculptor’s son—to be dropped
[branding iron]). Having donned the helmet and
on the sculptor’s son as recompense.
pads of the ancient sages, Lerr manages the court’s
4. A bedraggled subject pleads for her freedom,
business—registering and calling forth the plaintiffs
citing many torturous years of loyal service.
and meting out the Sorcerer’s judgments. He reeks of
The Sorcerer seems sympathetic until he
body odor and always speaks through a bullhorn,
sees her crack a mocking smile as he stutters
even when addressing those right next to him.
through a question. “Y-y-y-you think you c-c-
Lerr is fiercely loyal to the Sorcerer and revels in c-can laugh at me? Do you think I’m d-d-d-
branding new subjects at his command, using the dumb?!” The Sorcerer’s face reddens. His
iron in the fire pit. He is the keeper of the citizenship forehead veins bulge until he unleashes a hail
ledger, a handwritten record of the names and of bullets from his maxim gun, shredding the
fingerprints of the lucky families who sided with the subject into threads of bone and gore.
Sorcerer during his coup. By their loyalty, these
families earned the right to property, electricity, and
clean water and avoid the compulsory labor foisted
on the subjects.

31
[D] Scowling Sorcerer. The Sorcerer’s Judgments
The Sorcerer is a fickle and capricious judge.
A giant, monstrous man (10/28/3/1, area damage as If the players argue their case before the Sorcerer,
maxim gun or large beast). His 12-foot, bulging
roll 3d6 adding up to +4 in bonuses for flattery and
frame threatens the seams of his tweed jacket and
gifts and subtracting up to -4 in penalties for
bow tie. His lumpy, misshapen face dwarfs the
spectacles and wizard’s cap that adorn it. His skin is impropriety, sass, and use of “big words that I d-d-
a queasy chartreuse spotted with cystic acne. He definitely know w-w-what they mean.”
sits on his concrete throne, either tenting his fingers
and nodding sagely or fidgeting with the odd cannon
3d6 Judgments
and metal ribbons (maxim gun) aimed towards the 4- Request denied. Sentenced to death by
field. goal-post skewering. The Sorcerer climbs
down the bleachers, eager to scoop up
the PCs and add them to the uprights.
Damage 5-6 Request denied. Branded by Lerr and sent
1 2 3 4 5 6 7+
Roll to work the wheels (HEX I9).
7-8 Request denied. Branded by Lerr and sent
Maxim to build the colossus (HEX I8).
Gun 4 6 6 6 6 8 10 9-10 Banished from the Steel City.
(area) 11-13 Request granted, if the PCs first bring the
Sorcerer 3 new subjects to add to his
This is the Sorcerer, a former raider chief from the workforce.
scorched highway. The mutations endemic in that 14-15 Requested granted, if the PCs first pay
area dulled his wits and twisted his body. He speaks 300sp in “unpaid taxes.”
at a first-grade level with a terrible stutter. 16+ Request granted. “The ghosts of the o-o-
old smart ones who b-battled here talk to
He gained sway in the Steel City after he and his me. They say ‘hey, Sorcerer. Y-y-you
horde stumbled on a cache of pre-Zu weapons and should say yes t-t-o these people. They
used them to cut down the Amalgamatrix. Clearly, s-s-smart like you.’”
the Sorcerer is not magical in any way, he simply
adopted the title to appear scholarly. If pressed, he
will demonstrate his proficiency in “g-g-gun magic.”
He is easily flattered, tearfully insecure, and dumb as
a sack of hammers.

The Sorcerer wants:

 More subjects to finish his monument (HEX

I8).
 To be regarded as a wise and just ruler who
“s-s-smash good but think good b-b-before
smash.”
 To be free of his secret guilt at all the death
he’s caused.

The Sorcerer fears:

 Being exposed as emotional, stupid, or

insecure.
 Divine retribution for his crimes.
 Democracy.

32
 [F] Servant’s Quarters. The sound of tee-heeing,
J 7 Vault of the Binary Master nearly human laughter floats past the door.
Plazas of disused, pre-Zu businesses and empty lots.
In the middle of one weed-grown lot, a valve wheel Inside, a pitiful creature (7/16/3/0, damage as
juts curiously from the ground. unarmed)—a filthy, stooped, one-eyed human
woman—squeals with feral delight at sounds and
On inspection, the valve wheel is connected to a
images playing on a glossy rectangle (tablet). All
large metal hatch, stamped with the words: “PRIVATE
around her, squat wire shelves full of ancient liquor
VAULT, KEEP OUT.” Turning the wheel is a minor feat
and canned beef as well as a variety of plant seeds
of strength. Success causes the hatch to open with a
in neat, labeled packets. Several bottles and cans are
soft hiss, revealing a 40-foot drop into the vault
opened and empty—jagged teeth marks imprinted.
(AREA A).
The creature discovered this vault after tunneling
In the Vault through AREA G. She is feral, occasionally uttering
The vault’s interior is utilitarian, beige “master” as her sole communication. She is smitten
linoleum floors, droning fluorescent lights, and gray
and desperately wants to meet and serve the master
metal stairs and fixtures.
but cannot access AREA H due to the rubble and
[A] Secure Room. A metal room of thick, steel walls. locked doors. She refuses to go above ground and
Grated, metal flooring. Smothering darkness. Dim shrieks at the mere mention of the Hole Man.
gray light seeps from the stairway on the south wall.
The video playing on the tablet depicts a sleek robot
[B] Foyer. An empty, beige room. The walls are servant, matching the components in AREA B, caring
stamped with a logo reading: “WALTON for a wealthy, human owner. A voiceover describes
AMUSEMENTS.” Three arrows are painted on the the preferences, needs, and virtues of someone
floor: called “master.”
 A red one labeled “SERVANTS” leads east. [G] Tunnel. A circular, earthen “room.” A shovel and
 A blue one labeled “VISITORS” leads west. pickaxe, badly dulled, rest on the ground.
 A green one labeled “MASTER” leads south.
[H] Master. A perfect black glass cube in a stark,
A pile of robotic scraps—shredded wires, gnawed beige room. The cube’s six faces all show a
tubing, and bloody gears—lies in the corner. horizontal line which begins to crest and oscillate
into a wave form as a haughty, male voice emanates
[C] Rubble. A wall of rocks and earth. The passage from speakers in the ceiling: “What is the matter? Is it
south is totally blocked. Clearing the rubble takes 72
time yet? Well, get to it. Reanimate my body and
man-hours.
stick me back in there. I’m tired of beep-booping
[D] Master’s Repose. A marble coffin dominates this around as a bunch of 1s and 0s...”
room. Inside is a man’s corpse, half-desiccated and
The master is a pre-Zu theme park mogul named
dressed in a fine suit. Framed pictures, of a wealthy
Horace Walton. Hoping to live forever, he schemed to
businessman posing with grand theme park
have his consciousness uploaded into a computer
attractions, cover the walls. An urn marked “Lilly Girl”
and held securely in this vault. His goal is to re-
rests on a pedestal in the corner.
integrate his consciousness into his corpse once
[E] Master’s Study. Bookshelves, a massive screen medical science made sufficient progress. He has
showing a simulated fire, and two fine leather been stuck in this computer for hundreds of years
armchairs. A solid gold statue of a man in a suit and is cranky as all get-out. He wants desperately to
playfully lifting a cartoon raccoon (10 slots, 2,500sp). be put back in his body so he can booze, gamble,
The books are all nonfiction and describe pre-Zu and “play the field with the futuristic gals out there.”
politics, business strategy, and faith. Most are dog- He thinks his robotic servant is still functional and is
eared and highlighted.
eager to sic its deadly lasers on intruders. Without it,
he knows his corpse is terribly vulnerable and would
make any promise to safeguard it and reintegrate.
Horace can tell all about pre-catastrophe Zu but
knows nothing of the catastrophe itself, having died
well before then. Occasionally, he gets weepy about
the only thing that ever loved him—his dog, Lilly Girl.

33
 Hooks and Rumors
Zu is a relatively small area on one of the To Enforce Livestock Rights. The Society for
innumerable spheres that adorn the great, humpback Respectful Husbandry, in its eternal quest to rescue
sky. To the residents of its sphere who live in the and re-home livestock in need, has finally scraped
“normal” lands outside the wall, Zu is distinctly weird, together enough cash to pay for a reputable scrying
high-tech, and dangerous. So, to preserve Zu’s service. In their fugue state, the scryer identified, "a
weirdness, be sure to keep the surrounding areas hideous, pitiable creature! Depraved milk cult! Baa!"
mundane and low-tech. Consider dotting the The scryer is referring to Mother Mary (p.12). The
“normal” lands with farming villages, castles, forests, society will pay you handsomely to retrieve her so
and the like. they may place her with a caring foster family.

Traveling to and from Zu can be accomplished in any Teleportation Mishap. You tried to get from point A
way you see fit. Give the PCs a golden barge, a set to point B the easy way. Unfortunately, you miscast
of elastic wormholes (test your luck to avoid your teleportation spell and wound up in Zu. Plunder
snapping it like a rubber band), or a two-way portal it or find your way back home—anything goes.
that lasts for 3d6 days before winking out of
existence. As to where in Zu your PCs first land, the Rumors (All True)
default assumption is that they start just south of 11. The southeast of Zu is covered in odd
Happy Town (HEX I15) with the wall looming on the flowers. It is the home of intelligent animals.
horizon. However, you're welcome to start them in 12. The southwest of Zu is home to twisted
any hex, so long as they still have to journey over a humans. The ruins of a dead civilization dot
good portion of the region to reach their objective. the land, holding tight their ancient riches.
13. The north of Zu is the strangest. There is
Now that we’ve placed Zu, we need to figure out why clean water, thinking machines, and
the PCs would risk going there in the first place. flameless lights. A dictator rules this place.
These hooks assume your party starts in the city of 14. There are human farmers in the southeast.
Troika: Do not trust them.
To Fix a Grave Mistake. You messed up big time. 15. The school custodian is harmless if you leave
Maybe you dishonored yourself at a dinner party or her baby alone.
sent an assassin to the wrong target. Either way, you 16. The Tinker’s tower is near the middle of Zu. It
are in search of rare and powerful magic to undo will stop if you tell it to, though you need its
your blunder. A well-reviewed haruspex has special whistle if you want it to let you in.
identified an artifact—the god kissed candle (p.18)— 21. The Tinker is a powerful alchemist working
that can grant one sincere wish. It's located on a under the Sorcerer’s yoke. She left lots of
backwater sphere, three planets from a star. magic items in her ruined tower.
22. West of the scorched highway, a few pre-Zu
To Recruit a Specialist. Real-estate developers have houses still stand. Could be some good
bought up the angel slums in Troika's lower quarter, scavenging.
promising to clear the unsightly neighborhood and 23. A while ago, a bunch of the tinker’s magic
build a theme park where it used to be. The problem doo-dads got hauled to the old dump in the
is, the developers lack imagination and need an west of Zu by some anti-technology cult.
expert in the field to design the park. Ancient 24. One of the most important technologies in Zu
business records suggest one (the "master," p.33) is guns. They’re like crossbows but way more
lived in a distant sphere generations ago. You are deadly. If you don’t have one, get one.
hired to recover him, preferably willingly. 25. The moisture mothers are very important
To Recruit a Sage. The Guild of Arcane Grammar is around the scorched highway. They would
struggling. Although they promised the city council lead an army in service of their “chosen one.”
that they could reduce Troika's gremlin problem to a 26. The Sorcerer is just a man. A giant, machine-
single pest, progress on their de-pluralizing cannon gun wielding one, but a man nonetheless. Be
has stalled. With the deadline approaching, the guild nice to him. He is sensitive.
has tasked the PCs with retrieving a sage who has
mastered graphemic magic so they can finish the
job. The guild's prophetic crossword has identified
the location of such a sage: "Zu."

35
 Time and Encounters
Give the players a blank hex map on which they may 14. Four Blood-Fanged Otters (5/8/3/0, damage as
draw the terrain and landmarks they come across. modest beast). Chirping and humming. Four slick
otters, big as golden retrievers, flash bloody fangs
While exploring Zu, the GM tracks time, location, and and wet, hateful eyes. They need meat. Now.
presents situations. The players decide how to
respond. Each day is divided into four watches: (1) 15. Pleasant Partners Caravan (6/8/2/0, damage as
morning, (2) afternoon, (3) evening, and (4) night. weapon). A ragged man and woman, dressed in
Each of these actions takes one watch: “normal” clothing with badges embossed with “PP.”
They were tasked by Paulina to retrieve a “holy
• Entering an adjacent hex. candle” and return it to her “with no touching.” They
• Searching the current hex. say the rest of their group was eaten by an alligator.
• Resting. Resting for one watch allows PCs to They beg for help returning to the “normal” lands.
regain 2d6 luck and 2d6 stamina.
• Foraging for food, water, or supplies. 16. Luddites (5/6/1/0, damage as club [bone]).
Successful foraging grants 1d6 provisions and 1d3 Clattering sounds herald a column of 30 luddites—
bottles of clean water. Around the Scorched men and women in loin cloths banging bones
Highway, water bottles are worth 20sp. together in unison. “Halt! Present for contraband!”
• Scouting. In clear terrain, PCs can plainly see shouts the nude chieftain. The luddites attempt to
the terrain and landmarks of all adjacent hexes. In search all characters for technology and magic
dense terrain, PCs must scout to learn what is items. If they find any, the luddites whoop to the high
around them. heavens and smash them with their bones.
At the end of each watch, roll 2d6. On a 2, an
encounter discovers the PCs. On a 3, the PCs 21. Pipe Bear (6/25/3/0, damage as modest beast).
discover an encounter. On a 4, the PCs discover two Dolorous roars. An imposing black bear slapping at
encounters already engaged with each other. On a the side of its face. There is a piece of metal pipe
5+, the watch passes without interruption. lodged in its head. The bear is crazed due to the
pressure the pipe puts on its brain. It attacks any
11. Junk Giant. A 100-foot combat mech made of creature it sees. If the pipe is removed, the bear
salvaged junk—sheet metal, license plates, furniture, protects its savior for 1d6+4 watches.
and appliances wielded together into a walking,
stomping tank. It is piloted by a sadistic and bored 22. Magic Bubbles. An iguana encased in a giant
warden (p. 28). bubble floats by. Somewhere nearby, a wastelander
is blowing strange bubbles. Each starts out small,
See the Junk Giant diagram on page 30. then grows and hones in on the nearest creature. A
12. Big Red (8/30/4/2, damage as large beast [fire flurry of them are headed this way. Any character hit
hose]). This big, red, robotic firetruck has been by a bubble is encased, lifted 40ft in the air, and
running for too long. All he knows, deep in the half- spirited away to a random adjacent hex.
fried pins and circuits of his motherboard, is (1) every 23. Windstorm. Take shelter immediately or test your
moving heat signature is a fire and (2) fires must be luck to avoid 1d6 damage from flying debris.
doused with extreme prejudice. Attacks to his tires or
roof-mounted solar panels do double damage. 24. Five Wasteland Beggars (5/6/1/1, damage as
weapon). Persistent and pitiable. They are
13. Seven Bicycle Raiders (6/10/3/0, damage as desperately thirsty but can’t bring themselves to rob
pistolet-1 [zip gun], fast). The ringing of tiny bells. 7 and plunder. They make loyal, but smelly, henchmen.
middle-aged men and women wearing garish hats.
Their mighty thighs flex as they glide around on 25. Sentient Mannequin (8/14/2/2, damage as
bikes, chains clicking as they circle their targets. weapon). An uncanny resemblance of the human
Brandishing their homemade pistols, they demand form. They bend and walk and covet the trinkets of
“they put the loot in the basket. They’re not dumb. humanity but there’s no soul behind their vacant
Not gonna be heroes…” eyes.

If the tide of battle turns against them, the raiders 26. Moisture Missionary (8/10/2/0). One moisture
pedal away and stalk their targets from a distance, mother (p.19) plodding along in tattered flip flops.
striking again when their prey seems weak. She has one bottle of water to give but infinite
blessings.
36
 Local Backgrounds
I assume that you’ll use Zu as a place to travel to in
order to fulfill some quest objective, rather than an 2 Raider
origin point for your campaign. However, if a player
You do not scrimp and beg and toil. No, you arm
loses a character within its borders, they might want
to make their next character a Zu local—Zuinese if yourself with sharpened farm tools and hockey pads
you will. to take what you deserve by force. When life gave
you lemons, you stuck a knife to its throat and made
In that case, roll 1d6 to choose a local background. it turn out its pockets.

Possessions
1 Wasteland Beggar  Assortment of sports pads and police riot gear
Yes, you scrimp and beg and toil. But inwardly, you (counts as Modest Armor)
cling to an essential dignity (or is it delusion?) that  Cinderblock on a telephone pole (counts as
you are merely doing what you must to survive. You Maul)
tell yourself that if you somehow attained wealth and  A bag of recently looted, unlabeled
power, gifted by a caring and just god that has, up pharmaceuticals or recently looted mountain bike
until this point, merely been asleep at the wheel, that  Memories of appalling things you’ve done
you would be kind and generous to sunburned
Advanced Skills
wretches like yourself.
 3 Intimidate
Possessions  3 Junk fighting
 2 Strength
 Baseball cap and torn jeans
 1 Evaluate
 Empty plastic bottle
 1 Tracking
 Jury-rigged stop sign (shield)
 Harmonica or three doses of psychoactive chew Special
weed
You have a minor mutation (e.g., third nostril,
Advanced Skills extra-long earlobes) from living in Zu for so long.
 3 Beg
 2 Awareness 3 Junk Person
 2 Shield fighting
 2 Trash crafting You are an amalgamation of old furniture, food
 1 Music or Storytelling containers, yard decorations, and other trash
brought to life by the Tinker’s powdered will-to-
Special become. Seeing as how most Zuinese are, you know,
You have a minor mutation (e.g., third nostril, organisms with vocal cords, you often struggle to be
extra-long earlobes) from living in Zu for so long. heard much less understood.

Possessions
 Junk body
 Notepad and pencil

Advanced Skills
 4 Gestural communication
 3 Sneak
 2 Brawling
 1 Etiquette

Special
Your body has one specialized component
(e.g., wings, fans, flippers) that allows you one
unique method of locomotion (e.g., gliding, leaping,
swimming). You cannot regain stamina by eating but
you can incorporate junk to heal in the same manner.
37
 4 Mutated Animal 6 Lost Wizard
Zu’s magical radiation has molded your kind over the You aren’t from here. Against your peers’ counsel,
generations. Though your great-great-grandmother you left the “normal” lands outside the wall and
couldn’t even read her own name, you can speak ventured into Zu in search of enchanted relics. Or,
beastly tongues and wax poetic with the snobbiest perhaps, you’re looking for a sage who could help
humans. You hardly ever want to eat grass anymore. you solve your latest alchemical conundrum. In any
event, you got so turned around on your quest that
Possessions you’ve lost all hope of hiking back to “civilization,” at
 Pastoral human clothing least on your own.
 Fine hat
Possessions
Advanced Skills  Elaborate spectacles
 4 Beastly languages  Wand (goblin femur or mummified witch’s finger)
 3 Strength  A bag of caltrops
 3 Animal skill  One flask of oil
Special Advanced Skills
You’re a humanoid animal. Replace your  3 Spell - Breach
“animal skill” with a specific skill related to your  2 Spell – Find
beastly body.  2 Spell – Fire Bolt
 1 Spell - Light
5 Moisture Mother 

1 Run
1 Disguise
A wet wise-woman. A sopping saint. Clammy clergy.
You donned the sponge-sewn robes and swore to
serve the desperate, the tired, the thirsty. Water is
life and you are its sacred guardian.

Possessions
 Sponge robes (damp)
 Folding chair
 3 bottles of water

Advanced Skills
 2 Spell - Peace
 2 Spell - Presence
 2 Etiquette
 2 Healing
 1 Astrology
 1 Shame

Special
Up to three times per day, you may beseech
the heavens for life-giving rain and roll d666. On a
111, clouds appear and shower you with a pleasant,
refreshing drizzle. On a 666, the sky erupts into a
torrential downpour—lightning and hurricane-force
winds rip the air. On any other result, nothing
happens.

38