COPING WITH

TRIGGERS
 COPING WITH
TRIGGERS
Embarking on a journey of self-discovery and
healing, this text is a comprehensive guide to
coping with triggers and reclaiming control
over your daily life. Whether you're ready to
confront traumatic memories or simply seeking
ways to manage triggers, the strategies
outlined here provide practical steps for
reducing their impact. By fostering inner
cooperation and support, you'll gradually build
the resilience needed to distinguish the past from the present, ultimately
creating a path towards healing and self-empowerment.

REDUCING OR ELIMINATING TRIGGERS IN DAILY LIFE

Regardless of whether you are ready to directly cope with your
traumatic memories, you must still deal with being triggered in ways
that interfere with your daily life. In the following sections we describe
specific methods to cope with triggers.

[Link] or Avoiding Triggers

When you become more aware of your triggers, you may temporarily
eliminate or avoid certain objects or situations, and thus become
triggered less often. This should be a temporary measure only, until you
are able to resolve what is being triggered. Otherwise you will feel the
need to restrict your experiences more and more. But once you are
triggered less often, you can begin to work on your skills and resources
so you can overcome what is upsetting you. Temporarily stow away,
give away, or throw away objects in your home that trigger you, or
example, photographs, art, a particular blanket, a knick-knack, a book.
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It is important to remind yourself and other parts of you that a
particular object or situation does not have to overwhelm you the rest
of your life. You and other parts can learn to be less reactive in the
present as you begin to feel safer and calmer. It might be helpful to
remind all parts of you that the object or situation is reminiscent or
representative of something painful from your past, but it is not
dangerous itself.
When you are not able to eliminate a trigger, you might temporarily
avoid it. For instance,
If you are triggered by seeing someone
drunk, avoid places where such people
are likely to be found (parties, bars,
pubs, weekend nights in the city).
If a part of you is terrified of crowded
areas, you can choose to shop at times
when stores are likely to be less
crowded, while you are working with
that part to overcome the fear of
crowds.
If a part of you is afraid of the dark but you want to see a movie,
you can choose to watch a DVD at home instead of going to the
theatre.
Again, these are only meant to be temporary solutions, until such time
that you can approach and handle the cause of being triggered more
adaptively. You can also have empathy for these parts of you instead of
being angry or frustrated with them, and assure them you are taking
their needs into account as well as helping them gradually overcome
their fears or concerns.
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2. Anticipating Triggers
If you anticipate that you might be triggered by a certain situation that
cannot be avoided, you can plan ahead to cope with it effectively. For
example,

perhaps you need to make an appointment to

receive a flu shot, but some part of you is
terrified of shots. You may find the crowded
waiting room intolerable, and feel exposed
and vulnerable when visiting a doctor.
Nevertheless, you need your influenza shot for
your health, so this is not a situation to be
avoided.
You can prepare yourself by reflecting with all parts of you to discover
what you need to cope. You can calm and reassure parts inside that
you are getting medication that keeps you healthy: You, as an adult,
will make sure nothing bad will happen. You might take time before the
appointment to help parts of you go to an inner safe place, or you
might imagine allowing them to stay at home, and only adult parts that
can distinguish the past from the present of yourself should go to the
appointment. Some people may have inner helper parts that can calm
and reassure, but it is doubly effective if you can join with these helpful
parts in reassuring all parts of you. You can use your own imagination to
help vulnerable parts in this way until they are able to heal.
Above all, do not ignore parts of you that are triggered by acting
“tough” and belittling these parts of yourself. You run a far greater risk
of losing control or switching than when you anticipate what you need.
In addition to inner preparation, you might also ask for the support of
others when you are faced with a situation that triggers you.
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In the aforementioned example,

you might ask someone to go with you to the

doctor—someone who will keep talking with
you to help you stay present. You can ask to
make your appointment the beginning or end
of the day, or immediately after lunch, so you
can be in and out without spending too much
time sitting in the waiting room.

3. Imaginal Rehearsal

All too often, when people imagine an upcoming situation, they imagine
themselves failing or being overwhelmed. That is, they imagine a
negative outcome. Imaginal rehearsal is the opposite: You imagine
yourself being completely successful, walking through the situation step
by step (Bandler & Grinder, 1975). Many people find it helpful to
imagine successfully negotiating through a challenging situation ahead
of time. You may begin by imagining that you are watching yourself. For
example,
Imagine watching yourself walk into the doctor’s
office feeling calm and adult-like.
Imagine being able to reassure yourself if you
begin to feel anxious.
Imagine being wrapped in your protective suit
or your favorite colors, and not even feeling the
injection.
Imagine that all parts of you feel perfectly safe in the present.
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Imagine that all parts of you feel perfectly safe in the present.

Imagine having all the support you need.

Imagine supportive people being with you, encouraging you,

cheering you on.

After you have successfully “watched” this scenario, imagine it from your
own perspective. Imaginal rehearsal is more successful when you share
its purpose with all parts of you, and as many parts as possible can
participate.

4. Recognizing Options

Often when people are triggered, they feel trapped and helpless.
Recognizing that you have options is essential to feeling more control
and choice. You might be surprised at the choices you do not realize
that you have. And you are only limited by your own creativity! For
example,

continuing with the example of the flu shot, if

you become too triggered, give yourself the
option of leaving if parts of you become too
afraid. Or give yourself the option of walking
outside to calm down or allowing the nurse
to help you calm down. Give yourself the
option to either watch or avert your gaze
when you get the shot: whichever helps you
more. Give yourself the option of being assertive and asking the
nurse or doctor to tell you every step of the procedure ahead of time,
so you will know what to expect and can be a part of deciding how
and when the injection is given.
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5. Neutralizing the Effects of Triggers

You can learn to create distance from the emotional and physical
experience of being triggered. Usually this method involves imaginal
techniques that you have already learned in this manual. For example,

you can use an inner safe place in

which parts of you can be protected
from the overwhelming experiences
of being triggered. Parts of you may
voluntarily go to sleep in their safe
place if you anticipate a time when
you may be triggered, so that only
adult parts aware of the present
need cope with the situation. You
can use The Store exercise and
imagine having on a special suit or
cloak, or a shield that triggers cannot penetrate. Or try The Tree or
The Healing Pool exercises to immediately calm all parts of yourself if
you become triggered.

6. Distinguishing the Past From the Present

It is essential for all parts of you to learn to

distinguish between here and now and then
and there. For example,
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A particular knife or fork from the kitchen or the
color of the living room wall in the present may
remind you of a painful experience in the past,
but it is not the same knife or fork or the same
living room.
Of course, before you can make a distinction
between the past and present, you must be
aware that you are in the here and now.

The more quickly you can ground yourself, the easier it will be to cope
with triggers. You may also find it helpful to carry a small object, such
as a beautiful small stone, as a tangible reminder of being in the safe
present. As soon as you touch it, you can immediately feel yourself
become more present.
Once you are present, you will find it helpful to describe the
differences between an experience in the past and present in detail, to
actually say it out loud to yourself, and to keep reminding all parts of
these differences. For example:

The green color on the wall is the same as in the past, but the wall,
the room, the house, the city, the year, and even I am not the same as
in the past. The only similarity is green, only paint. I am not there, I am
here. I can see the pictures on the wall that are different than in the
past. The carpet on the floor is different. When I look out the window,
I see the scenery of the present, which is different from the past. This
green wall reminded me of something that I am not yet ready to
handle. I will put that memory in a safe place and contain it until I am
ready.

This repetition gradually helps all parts to notice these differences,

instead of only focusing on what is similar to the past.
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It is particularly important to pay attention to differences when a
person in the present reminds you of someone from the past with whom
you felt uncomfortable or unsafe. For example,

if a friend becomes irritated with you in the

present, you or other parts of yourself might
automatically react with fear because an
angry person was dangerous in the past.
However, you notice that your friend’s voice is
not raised, and he is not screaming or cursing.
He is speaking to you respectfully, and you
know his intentions toward you are good in
general. His body language shows no
indication that he might be physically violent. These are cues that tell
you this interaction is different from the past.
Draw the attention of all parts of you to these cues and bring them
back again and again to these cues in the present. In this way all
parts of you can learn that although an aspect of the present might
be similar to the past (irritation or anger), many other aspects are
different enough that you can learn when it is safe. You are teaching
parts of yourself the early beginnings of reflection about the
motivations and intentions of others in the present.

It is also helpful to notice what is different about you, that is, you are an
adult, not a child. You are stronger, have more wisdom and experience,
and have supports and resources that you did not have as a child

7. Inner Orientation, Cooperation, and Support

You have begun to experience times of being able to orient parts of
you to the present, help parts cooperate for your well-being as a whole
person, and share mutual inner support.
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hese skills are essential in helping you overcome the effects of triggers.
When inner parts feel more trusting of each other to attend to, care for,
and respect one another, they will feel calmer and less afraid and
chaotic. When they are helped to become more oriented to the
present, they can reflect more on their inner experiences. And when
parts can cooperate, for example,

To help other parts remain in an inner safe

place without disturbance or to avoid
situations in which you may be triggered, all
parts of you will feel better. Some degree of
inner cooperation is already present when
you talk inwardly to all parts of yourself,
when you remind them of the safe present,
when you create inner safe places, when you
practice relaxation exercises, and when all
parts of you pay attention not only to what is similar to the past, but
more important, to what is different.

This inner cooperation and support can grow exponentially over time,
as you will see. People with a dissociative disorder often know at some
level, or in some part of themselves, which situations are best avoided
or how a triggering situation might best be handled. Inner dialogue
and reflection among parts about the best approach to situations is
helpful, and it must go beyond merely telling all parts to “just do it.” You
are a team and must work as a team. Be compassionate with yourself
and all parts inside; and help them to engage cooperatively with you
as often as you are able. Of course, we are aware that inner
cooperation, communication, and support take time to develop and
are not always easy to achieve. It may not always seem clear or
obvious how you can accomplish these skills. Be patient with yourself
and all parts of yourself.
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HOMEWORK SHEET 1
IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS AND COPING STRATEGIES
In this homework , choose a time when
you were recently triggered and reflect
back on the situation and answer the
questions below, as you are able. This
reflection will help you again practice
identifying triggers but also to become
aware of what coping strategies you
might already use. If this exercise evokes too much for you, simply stop
and practice a grounding or relaxation exercise.

1. Where were you, and what were you doing?

2. Describe what triggered you, if you know.

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3. What was your inner experience of being triggered (for
example, feeling like you were out of body, anxiety or
panic, visual or auditory flashbacks, nausea, loss of time)?

4. If you lost time, what is the last thing you can recall (for
example, a sound, smell, image, thought, or feeling)?

5. If you are aware of specific parts of yourself that were

triggered, describe their experience as best you can.

6. If you were with someone, what, if anything, might have

been stirred up for you in the relationship (for example,
you felt hurt, angry, invisible?)
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7. Describe what you did to cope with being triggered at
the time, and what you did afterwards. You may have used
some of the coping skills discussed in this chapter or
others. You may even have coped in ways that were not
healthy. Do not judge yourself; simply describe what you
did.

HOMEWORK SHEET 2
SKILLS TO COPE WITH TRIGGERS
Choose a time when you were recently triggered and reflect back on
the situation and answer the questions below, as you are able. This
reflection will help you become more aware of how you might employ
some of the skills you have read about in this chapter. If this exercise
evokes too much for you, simply stop and practice a grounding or
relaxation. Refer back to the chapter as needed. You will be using one
or more of the following skills:
Eliminating or avoiding triggers
Anticipating triggers
Imaginal rehearsal
Recognizing options
Neutralizing triggers
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Distinguishing the past from the present
Inner orientation, cooperation, and support

1 Describe an object or situation in the present that triggered you

recently.

2 Describe the reactions of you, or other parts of you, to the trigger

(for example, feeling like you were out of body, anxiety or panic,
visual or auditory flashbacks, nausea, loss of time; being frozen or
collapsed).

3 If this trigger can be eliminated or avoided, describe how you could

accomplish that for the future (for example, avoiding violent movies,
putting away a photograph or book; deciding not to visit a
particular place).
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4 If you were to anticipate this trigger in the future, how might you
prepare for it? For example, helping parts be in an inner safe place,
using images of protection, or practicing imaginal rehearsal.

5 Describe in retrospect any options you had but did not realize that
you had at the time you were triggered (for example, you could have
left the situation, called a friend for support, oriented parts of
yourself to the present, or calmed and reassured them, but you did
not think of it).

6 Practice protective imagery (for example, from The Store exercise)

and containment strategies for the feelings, sensations, and
memories that are evoked when you are triggered.
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7 Describe the differences between the trigger in the past and its
present-day context, for example, the bed is similar, but the room is
different; the beard on a man is similar to the past, but it is not the
same man.

8 Describe any inner orientation, communication, cooperation, and

support you were able to accomplish when you were triggered. If
you were not able, describe what stopped you and how you might
support your inner parts in the future.