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Dark
Shadows
Dark Shadows is a
2012 American
fantasy horror
comedy 8lm based
on the gothic
television soap opera of the same name. It
was directed by Tim Burton and stars Johnny
Depp, Michelle PfeiGer, Helena Bonham
Carter, Eva Green, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny
Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz, and Bella
Heathcote in a dual role. The 8lm had a
limited release on May 10, 2012, and was
oGicially released the following day in the
United States.

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

Director(s): Tim Burton

Stars: Johnny Depp, Michelle PfeiGer, Helena

Bonham Carter, Eva Green

Production: Warner Bros. Pictures

 2 wins & 13 nominations.

 IMDB: 6.2 Metacritic: 55 Rotten Tomatoes:

37%

 Dark Shadows Screenplay »

 EDIT  BUY 

PG-13 Year: 2012  113 

$79,711,678  Website  6,567 Views

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more

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[from trailer]

Barnabas Collins:
My name is Barnabas Collins.
Two centuries ago, I made
Collinwood my home... until a
jealous witch cursed me,
condemning me to the shadows,
for all time.

Barnabas Collins:
Hear me, future dweller, you will
be my loyal servant, until such
time as I release you.

Willie Loomis:
So what's 8rst, master?

Barnabas Collins:
You will cleanse me, servant!

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Angelique Bouchard:
I'm going to make an oGer to
you, Barnabas. My last. You can
join me by my side and we can
run Collinsport together as
partners, and lovers... or I'll put
you back in the box.

Barnabas Collins:
I have already prepared my
counter-proposal. It reads thusly:
You may strategically place your
wonderful lips upon my posterior
and kiss it repeatedly!

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Barnabas Collins:
How soon can the horses be
ready?

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

We don't have horses, we have a
Chevy. [Barnabas looks
confused]

Barnabas Collins:
[seeing TV for the 8rst time]
What sorcery is this? [attacks the
TV] Reveal yourself, tiny
songstress!

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Angelique Bouchard:
[wanting Barnabas to love her]
What if I made you?

Barnabas Collins:
With what, a spell? A little doll
with pins? That is not love!

Angelique Bouchard:
With THIS!

[starts to strip]

Barnabas Collins:
Oh.

Angelique Bouchard:
With the body you once begged
me for!

Barnabas Collins:
I must admit, those have not
aged a day...

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Angelique Bouchard:
Sleeping jame, I summon thee /
To your form return / Make the
night as bright as day / And burn,
baby, burn!

[from trailer]

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

Fight on, Barnabas. Fight on for
us.

Barnabas Collins:
And 8ght I shall!

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Carolyn Stoddard:
[sees Barnabas for the 8rst time]
Are you stoned or something?

Barnabas Collins:
They tried stoning me, my dear. It
did not work. [to Willie] When
did they start allowing women of
the night on the estate grounds?

Angelique Bouchard:
If I can't have you, my love, I'll
destroy you!

[Barnabas arrives at Collinwood in

1972]

Barnabas Collins:
My beloved home, what have
they done to you?

Carolyn Stoddard:
[about Barnabas] He's not
staying with us forever, is he?

David Collins:
I like him.

Barnabas Collins:
[resurrected, at Angelique]
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Barnabas Collins:
[narrates] Angelique had cursed
me to be a vampire, so that my
suGering would never end.

[Josette appears before Victoria]

Josette du Pres:
He's coming... he's coming...

[Barnabas stares at a lava lamp]

Barnabas Collins:
What is that thing?

Dr. Julia HoPman:

It's a lamp.

Barnabas Collins:
It looks like a pulsating blood
urn!

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

Welcome home, Barnabas
Collins.

Carolyn Stoddard:
[about the planned ball] I have to
hand it to you. This is a
happening. I guess the only thing
missing is Alice Cooper.

Barnabas Collins:
Perhaps you should go and
acquaint yourself with the
evening's entertainment.

[At the ball, he sees who Alice Cooper

really is]

Barnabas Collins:
...ugliest woman I've ever seen.

[Barnabas grabs a construction

worker]

Barnabas Collins:
I am terribly sorry, but you
cannot imagine how thirsty I
am... [bites him]

Barnabas Collins:
A woman doctor... what an age
this is.

Carolyn Stoddard:
I don't feel comfortable
discussing this with you.

Barnabas Collins:
Do not fear, my child. I simply
seek advice on the art of courting
a woman of this time... Land. And
who better to tutor me than a
woman of your age? What is your
age, if I may?

Carolyn Stoddard:
Fifteen.

Barnabas Collins:
Fifteen and no husband. You
must put those birthing hips to
good use at once lest your womb
shrivel up and die.

Carolyn Stoddard:
You're weird.

Barnabas Collins:
But do you think me too weird for
a woman of this... land?

Carolyn Stoddard:
You obviously mean Vicky.

Barnabas Collins:
She has the most fertile birthing
hips I have ever laid eyes upon.

Carolyn Stoddard:
You're way too weird.

Barnabas Collins:
Do you really think so?

Carolyn Stoddard:
You're all stiG, proper and old-
fashioned.

Barnabas Collins:
And Victoria... Is she not proper?

Carolyn Stoddard:
She likes to pretend she's rock 'n'
roll. She's a Carpenters kind of
chick for sure.

Barnabas Collins:
Do you mean to say that she has
a penchant for woodworkers?

Carolyn Stoddard:
The Carpenters are musicians,
stupid.

Barnabas Collins:
Ah, music. Yes, I'm rather fond of
the music of the day. "I am a
picker, I am a grinner / I am a
lover and I am a sinner / I play
my music in the sun" If only
Shakespeare had been as
eloquent.

Carolyn Stoddard:
Okay. If you wanna get with her,
you're gonna have to change
your approach. Drop the whole
weird Swinging London thing
and hang out with a few normal
people.

Barnabas Collins:
[dodging a vomit projectile from
Angelique] Missed me! [takes a
hit]

Barnabas Collins:
Tell me, what do you know of
Barnabas Collins?

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

Just legends, really. Two
centuries ago, a witch turned him
into a vampire and locked him
away.

Barnabas Collins:
What is known of his death?

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

Nothing.

Barnabas Collins:
That, madam, is because he
never died. I am Barnabas
Collins. [reveals a secret
passage]

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

Then, you...

Barnabas Collins:
I am a vampire, madam. But I am
also a Collins, and I swear by all I
hold sacred I will not harm
anyone under this roof.

[at a hippie commune]

Barnabas Collins:
I am reminded of a line from
Erich Segal's 'Love Story': "Love
means never having to say you're
sorry." However, it is with sincere
regret that I must now kill all of
you. [screaming is heard at the
commune]

Barnabas Collins:
I seek advice on the art of
courting a woman of this time.

Carolyn Stoddard:
You obviously mean Vicky.

Barnabas Collins:
She has the most fertile birthing
hips I've ever set eyes upon.

Carolyn Stoddard:
You're weird.

Barnabas Collins:
[mistakenly jattered] You really
think so?

[receiving transfusions of human

blood]

Barnabas Collins:
You must have faith, Doctor. For if
a man can become a monster,
then a monster can become a
man.

David Collins:
[opening the coGin in which
Barnabas has been chained]
Uncle Barnabas, why do you
have ladies' underwear on your
head?

Barnabas Collins:
Never mind that...

Barnabas Collins:
[holds a fork] I see you have been
driven to even sell the prized
family silverware.

Roger Collins:
How can you tell? Those are
exact replicas.

Barnabas Collins:
Had this been silver, I would have
burst into jame at the slightest
touch.

Dr. Julia HoPman:

Is he for real?

Barnabas Collins:
Do you have any idea what you
put me through?

Angelique Bouchard:
Get over it, Barnabas!

Barnabas Collins:
Locked in a box, for over two
hundred years!

Angelique Bouchard:
Don't exaggerate, it was only a
hundred and ninety-six.

[going down a tunnel in the 8replace]

Barnabas Collins:
My father had quite a jair for
secret passages; as a boy, I took
it upon myself to discover each
one. But this one is my favourite.
"Family is the only real wealth,"
he would often remark. Though,
clearly, he was not opposed to
other kinds...

[reveals a vault]

Barnabas Collins:
[to Elizabeth] Know this: I mean
to stay. I mean to be a part of this
family again.

Victoria Winters:
I don't know why, but in some
ways I feel I can tell you
anything. It's like I've known you
forever.

Barnabas Collins:
Yes.

Victoria Winters:
It's as if I am hypnotized...

Barnabas Collins:
Yes... Wait, no! I have used no
such trickery upon you, I assure
you!

Victoria Winters:
I don't know what it is, I just
know that there's always been
something pulling me here,
pulling me to Collinsport and
you...

Barnabas Collins:
[he tries to kiss Victoria and she
recoils] Oh dear, hath my scent
oGended thee?

Victoria Winters:
No, no! It's just... people I love
haven't always loved me back.

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

His name was Barnabas Collins,
and he was the 8nest man this
family ever knew.

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

[to Victoria] Welcome to
Collinwood. You'll have to
imagine us on a better day.

Dr. Julia HoPman:

Every year I get half as pretty and
twice as drunk.

Barnabas Collins:
[to a mortally wounded
Angelique] So, this is how it ends.
There was a time, when I could
have loved you. We could have
spent eternity together.

Angelique Bouchard:
We still... can...

Barnabas Collins:
You never loved me. You wanted
to control me.

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

[Barnabas has saved David from
being crushed by a falling mirror
ball, but is now standing in direct
sunlight] Barnabas... you're on
8re.

David Collins:
Carolyn touches herself. She
makes noises like a kitten.

Carolyn Stoddard:
[to David] You little sh*t!

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:

Children, get away from that
man!

David Collins:
He said his name was Barnabas
Collins.

Carolyn Stoddard:
And I'm pretty sure he called me
a hooker.