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Interpersonal Comm
Chapter 1 Notes
Types of Communication
Learning objective:

Define communication:

communication is the process of generating meaning by sending

and recieveing verbal and nonverbal symbols and signs that are
influenced by multiple contexts

Two Forms of Communication

Intrapersonal Com

Interpersonal com

What’s the difference?

intrapersonal communication

Talking with oneself is using internal vocalization or reflective

thinking

triggered by internal/external stimuli (e.g hunger, witnessing an

event)

occurs solely inside our heads

serves social functions such as maintaining social adjustment,

building self-concept, processing emotions, and preparing for
future actions.

can occur for pleasure or to pass time.

Interpersonal Comm 1
 competent intrapersonal communication enhances well-being,
while a breakdown can be associated with mental illness

interpersonal comm

communication between people whose lives mutually influence

each other

builds, maintains, and ends relationships

occurs in various contexts (e.g. intercultural, organizational,

health, computer-mediated)

can be planned or unplanned but is more structured and

influenced by social expectations than intrapersonal
communication

more goal-oriented, and fulfills instrumental relational needs

miscommunication and conflict are common in interpersonal

communication

requires conflict management and listening skills for

competence

Key takeaways:

Communication is the process of generating meaning by sending and

receiving symbolic cues that are influenced by multiple contexts

intrapersonal communication is communication with oneself and

occurs only inside our heads

Exercises:

Personal definition of communication

create your own definition of communication

compare it to the book’s definition

reflect on why you chose your definition

tracking communication forms

over a day, keep track of the forms of communication you use

Interpersonal Comm 2
 make a pie chart showing how much time you spend on each form
of communication on an average day

types of models

Transmission model of communication

The transmission model views communication as a linear, one-way

process where a sender transmits a message to a receiver through
a channel. The receiver’s role is passive, primarily focused on
receiving and decoding the message

Key components:

participants (sender and receiver)

message

encoding/decoding

channels

noise (environmental and semantic)

applications

its useful for understanding simple, one way communication

processes, such as broadcasting or texting. However, it doesn’t
account for more dynamic, two-way interactions.

Interaction model of communication

Interpersonal Comm 3
 The interaction model sees communication as a two-way process
where participants alternate between the roles of sender and
receiver. meaning is generated through the exchange of messages
and feedback within physical and psycological contexts

Key components:

participants (sender/receiver)

message

encoding/decoding

feedback

physical context

psycological context

this model is more interactive and suited for scenarios where

feedback plays a crucial role, such as in face-to-face
conversations. it still doesn’t fully capture the complexity of how
communication shapes our realities.

Interpersonal Comm 4
 Transaction model of communication

the transaction model expands the concept of communication by

viewing it as a process where communicators create and shape
social realities within social, relational, and cultural contexts.
participants are simultaneously senders and receivers, constantly
shaping and being shaped by communication

key components

communicators

message

channel

feedback

contexts (physical, psychological, social, relational, cultural

this model offers a more comprehensive understanding of

communication, considering how it constructs our realities and
influences relationships and communities

Key takeaways:

communication models

while models can’t capture every detail of communication

encounters, they are valuable tools for examining the process and
understanding how communication works in various contexts

transmission model

Interpersonal Comm 5
 best for simple, one-way communication

interaction model

useful for understanding feedback and two-way communication

transaction model

provides insight into how communication constructs and influences

social realities

Exercises

consider how understanding these models can benefit your academic,

professional, and civic life

reflect on which model best represents different communication

situations

apply the transaction model to analyze a recent communication

encounter

Principles of interpersonal communication

definition and importance of interpersonal communication

interpersonal communication is the exchange of messages

between people whose lives mutually influence each other, based
on social and cultural norms

different from brief exchanges with strangers; involves building

unique bonds

studying interpersonal communication helps improve relationships,

health, and job prospects

why study interpersonal communication

interpersonal communication is strategic; involves creating

messages to achieve specific goals

important for relationship-building and achieving personal and

professional objectives

Interpersonal Comm 6
 competence in communication involves balancing effectiveness
and appropriatness

functional aspects of interpersonal communication

instrumental goals

gaining compliance, getting information, asking for support

examples: asking a friend for help, requesting information from

a coworker, consoling a friend

relationship-maintenance goals

maintaining positive relationships through communication

examples: compromising with a friend, celebrating occasions,

checking in regularly

self-presentation goals

adapting communication to present oneself in a certain way

examples: offering help to appear competent, being friendly to

a new roommate, downplaying knowledge to seem aloof.

interpersonal communication meets needs

physical needs:

communication is essential for physical and psychological

health

isolation can lead to severe physical and mental health issues

instrumental needs

helps achieve daily tasks and long-term goals

involves compliance-gaining tactics like offering rewards, using

expertise, or appealing to altruism

relational needs

essential for developing, maintaining and ending relationships

communication helps build social bonds and meet relational

needs, but can also harm relationships if misused

Interpersonal Comm 7
 identity needs:

communication allows us to present ourselves in desired ways

we adapt our communication based on context to manage

other’s perceptions

communication as a process

intentional and unintentional communications

communication can be both intentional and unintentional

not all communication is consciously planned; some messages

are involuntary

Summary:

communication is a complex and multifaceted process, challenging to

define or fully capture in a single model. However, communication models
help simplify and visualize this process, making it easier to understand and
analyze. The three primary models discussed are the transmission model,
interaction model, and the transaction model, each offering a different
perspective on communication
chapter 2 notes
part one: self concept, self esteem and self
efficacy
Self-Concept:
Refers to the overall idea of who a person thinks they are.

Influenced by personal characteristics (abilities, personality) and group

or cultural membership.

Developed through interactions with others and how we perceive their

reactions to us (looking glass self).

Social comparison plays a key role, involving evaluations of

superiority/inferiority and similarity/difference.

Reference groups can influence self-concept positively or negatively.

Interpersonal Comm 8
 Self-concept is context-specific, varying depending on situations and
social groups.

Evaluations of self-concept influence behavior, leading to cycles that

connect to self-esteem and self-efficacy.

Self-Esteem:
Refers to judgments and evaluations of our self-concept.

More specific than self-concept; evaluates traits as good/bad,

positive/negative.

General self-esteem can be either positive or negative, and it varies

across life stages and contexts.

Feedback on important traits can strongly affect self-esteem, especially

when aligned with our self-concept.

High self-esteem contributes to better handling of feedback, stress, and

challenges, while low self-esteem may lead to negative thinking and
behaviors.

Self-esteem is interconnected with self-efficacy and self-concept.

Self-Efficacy:
Refers to judgments about the ability to perform tasks in specific
contexts.

High self-efficacy in a skill or task leads to positive self-evaluations and

increased confidence.

Reinforced by successful experiences and positive feedback.

Self-efficacy influences self-esteem and contributes to the formation of

self-concept.

Negative feedback can lower self-efficacy, which may lead to

avoidance of the activity in the future.

Creates cycles where feedback (positive or negative) impacts

confidence, behavior, and self-perception.

Interpersonal Comm 9
 self discrepancy theory
Overview:
Self-discrepancy theory: Suggests people have beliefs and
expectations about their actual and potential selves, which often don't
align with reality.

Three "selves":

Actual self: Attributes you or others believe you possess.

Ideal self: Attributes you or others would like you to possess.

Ought self: Attributes you or others believe you should possess.

Types of Discrepancies and Their Effects:

1. Actual self vs. Ideal self:

You fail to meet your desires and hopes.

Leads to feelings of disappointment, dissatisfaction, frustration.

Example: Financial frustration due to credit card debt.

2. Actual self vs. Others' ideals:

You fail to meet the desires and hopes others have for you.

Interpersonal Comm 10
 Leads to feelings of shame, embarrassment, concern over approval.

Example: Shame about not meeting academic expectations.

3. Actual self vs. Others' ought self:

You fail to meet duties or obligations others believe you should

fulfill.

Leads to feelings of agitation, fear of punishment, threat.

Example: Fear of family rejection for not following career

expectations.

4. Actual self vs. Own ought self:

You fail to meet your own duties and obligations.

Leads to feelings of guilt, weakness, moral failure.

Example: Guilt over not volunteering enough despite feeling

obligated to.

Emotional and Behavioral Outcomes:

Dejection: Feelings of disappointment or shame when failing to meet
one's own or others' expectations.

Agitation: Feelings of anxiety, fear, or guilt when failing to meet duties

or obligations imposed by oneself or others.

Social Influences:
Family and Peers:

Parents and peers shape self-perception through positive or

negative reinforcement.

Praise and feedback influence self-esteem, sometimes leading to

overpraising debates.

Cultural Differences:

Different cultures have varying levels of praise and expectations.

Interpersonal Comm 11
 Individualistic cultures (like the U.S.) promote self-enhancement,
while collectivistic cultures (like Japan) emphasize modesty.

Media Impact:

Media representations of beauty and success influence self-

concept.

Unrealistic standards in media lead to dissatisfaction with self-

image.

Summary:
Self-discrepancy theory highlights how mismatches between different
conceptions of the self (actual, ideal, ought) lead to specific emotional
responses.

These discrepancies influence behavior, emotions, and motivation,

often in relation to societal, familial, or personal expectations.
self presentation
Self-presentation: The process of strategically concealing or revealing
personal information to influence others' perceptions.

Motivations: We engage in self-presentation daily for various reasons,

often to make a good impression while maintaining authenticity.

Risks of Misrepresentation: Misleading self-presentation can have

serious consequences (e.g., CEOs and MIT admissions dean losing jobs
over false claims).

Subtle Forms of Deception: People may imply they know more than
they do or polish delivery to cover lack of content.

Benefits of Honest Self-presentation: Consciously and competently

presenting oneself can provide a positive and accurate image,
increasing engagement and confidence.

High Self-monitoring: Skilled self-presenters combine self-presentation

with self-monitoring, adjusting their expressions based on social
context and reactions.

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 Assistance in Self-presentation: Some initiatives like "Style Me Hired"
offer makeovers to unemployed individuals, helping them present a
more favorable image to potential employers.

Types of Self-presentation:

Prosocial: Presenting oneself as a role model, focusing on

benefiting others (e.g., a supervisor modeling ethical behavior).

Self-serving: Focused on benefiting oneself at the expense of

others (e.g., taking credit for others' work).

Self-enhancement: Presenting oneself to evoke positive responses,

improving self-esteem (e.g., training for a performance in front of an
expert for constructive feedback).

Ethical Concerns: While self-presentation is normal, inauthentic

behaviors (e.g., exaggeration) may lead to negative impressions or
ethical dilemmas.

Key Takeaways
Self-concept is formed through social interactions and comparisons.

Self-esteem is based on evaluations of our self-concept.

Social comparison theory and self-discrepancy theory influence self-

esteem.

Social forces like family, culture, and media shape self-perception.

Self-presentation is used to influence others and can be prosocial, self-

serving, or aimed at self-enhancement.
improving how you see yourself
1. Awareness of Self-Perception Process:
◦ Recognize the components of your self-concept (overall self-view) and
context-specific self-perceptions (how you see yourself in different
situations).
◦ Understand that self-perceptions change based on emotional states,
interactions, and environments.

Interpersonal Comm 13
 2. Avoid Rigid Schemas:
◦ Be mindful of outdated or limiting ways you categorize yourself (e.g.,
thinking of yourself as unintelligent based on past experiences).
◦ Stay open to new information that challenges old self-perceptions.
3. Critique Socializing Forces:
◦ Recognize the impact of family, friends, media, and societal norms on
how you see yourself.
◦ Challenge narrow standards of appearance and health, and embrace
healthier, more realistic self-perceptions.
4. Beware of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies:
◦ Be mindful of how negative beliefs about yourself can influence your
actions and reinforce negative outcomes.
◦ Use self-affirmation techniques to disrupt negative thought patterns
and promote positive behaviors.
5. Develop Supportive Relationships:
◦ Surround yourself with people who provide positive feedback and
constructive challenges to your self-concept.
◦ Distance yourself from toxic individuals who perpetuate negative self-
perceptions.
6. Beware of Distorted Thinking Patterns:
◦ Acknowledge and intervene in patterns of overcompensation,
unrealistic goal-setting, or ignoring accurate feedback.
◦ Set progressive, realistic goals that build confidence and reflect
personal growth.

7. Practice Self-Monitoring and Reflection:

◦ Regularly assess your self-perception and make efforts to adjust it
based on constructive self-reflection and feedback from others.
self disclosure and interpersonal communication
Learning Objectives:
1. Define self-disclosure: Self-disclosure is the intentional sharing of
personal information with another person. It may range from superficial
details to more intimate knowledge.

Interpersonal Comm 14
 2. Connection between social penetration theory, social comparison
theory, and self-disclosure:

Social Penetration Theory: Describes the process of relationship

development through self-disclosure. As relationships progress,
people share more personal and broad information, resembling the
peeling of an onion’s layers.

Social Comparison Theory: We disclose to others to evaluate

ourselves, measuring our abilities, beliefs, and values against theirs.
Through this, we seek self-validation and may decide if we wish to
pursue deeper relationships.

3. Process of self-disclosure:

Decisions on what, where, when, and how to disclose: Self-

disclosure involves considering the context, the type of information,
the timing, and the method of communication. The depth of
disclosure increases with relationship progression.

4. Effects on relationships: Effective self-disclosure can strengthen

relationships by building trust and intimacy, while poorly timed or
inappropriate disclosure can damage relationships, lead to
embarrassment, or cause misunderstandings.

Theories of Self-Disclosure
Social Penetration Theory: Explains how relationships develop as
people share increasingly personal information. It involves managing the
tension between openness and privacy.

Social Comparison Theory: We compare ourselves to others through

self-disclosure to evaluate our status and decide if we wish to engage
further in relationships.

Johari Window: Divides knowledge about ourselves into four

quadrants: open (known to self and others), hidden (known to self but
not others), blind (known to others but not self), and unknown (unknown
to self and others). Through self-disclosure, we shift information from
hidden to open, fostering mutual understanding.

Interpersonal Comm 15
 Self-Disclosure Process
Categories of Disclosure: Includes sharing observations, thoughts,
feelings, and needs. Initial disclosures may be superficial (e.g., sharing
your hometown), but can deepen as relationships progress.

Factors Influencing Disclosure:

Self-focused reasons: Seeking relief, clarity, or support.

Other-focused reasons: A desire to inform, educate, or help.

Interpersonal reasons: Maintaining intimacy or trust in a

relationship.

Situational reasons: Availability, privacy, and appropriateness of the

environment.

Timing and Channels of Disclosure

The timing of disclosures can significantly impact their reception.
Disclosing early, in the middle, or late in a conversation can have
different effects depending on the mood and context of the situation.

Channels: Face-to-face communication offers immediate feedback and

nonverbal cues, while mediated channels (e.g., texts, emails) allow more
control over the message but lack emotional nuance.

Effects on Relationships
Attribution: How the receiver interprets the disclosure (dispositional,
situational, or interpersonal) influences their reaction. Positive
attributions strengthen the relationship, while negative ones can harm it.

Receiver’s Role: The recipient must handle disclosures with care,

especially when they involve sensitive or secret information.
Mishandling such disclosures can lead to breaches of trust and
relationship deterioration.

Key Takeaways
Self-disclosure builds relationships by increasing shared knowledge and
trust.

Interpersonal Comm 16
 The social penetration theory likens relationship progression to peeling
layers of an onion through increasing breadth and depth of disclosure.

Social comparison theory helps us evaluate ourselves through

disclosures to others.

Effective self-disclosure requires careful decision-making about what,

when, where, and how to share information.

The receiver’s reaction to disclosure can strengthen or weaken a

relationship.

Exercises
1. Reflect on past experiences where you may have disclosed too much on
a first date or other settings. What have you learned from this chapter
that could have helped?

2. Think about negative outcomes from self-disclosure. How could

changing what, where, when, or how you disclosed have altered the
outcome?

3. In what circumstances is it acceptable to share someone else's

disclosure? When is it not okay?

chapter 3 notes
perception process

1. Perception Process:
Perception involves selecting, organizing, and interpreting information.

Interpersonal Comm 17
 Stimuli pass through perceptual filters, organized into patterns, and
interpreted based on experiences.

Perception influences how we communicate with people and objects

around us.

2. Selecting Information:
Salience: We focus on stimuli that attract attention based on context,
such as visual, aural, or emotional relevance.

Factors influencing selection:

Visual and Aural Stimulation: Stimuli that are visually or aurally

prominent.

Needs and Interests: We pay attention to information that meets

our needs or interests.

Expectations: Both expected and unexpected stimuli can catch

attention.

3. Organizing Information:
Proximity: We group things close together as related.

Similarity: We assume similar-looking or acting things are related.

Difference: Items that stand out from a group are perceived as

different.

Misjudgments based on organizing patterns can lead to stereotyping or

perceptual errors.

4. Interpreting Information:
Interpretation assigns meaning using schemata (mental structures that
store related information).

Schemata evolve from life experiences and guide understanding of

new experiences.

Schemata in Communication: Help us interpret interactions and guide

behavior based on stored knowledge, like schemas of school, work, or

Interpersonal Comm 18
 social scenarios.

Revising or adapting schemata is key to communication competence.

5. Influence of Schemata on Communication:

Schemata affect behavior and decisions (e.g., avoiding assigning public
speaking to shy people).

Interpretation is culturally influenced (e.g., how occupation or identity is

perceived in Western cultures).

4o

perceiving others

Engage in Self-Reflection
1. Importance of Self-Reflection: Helps improve communication
competence and perception.

2. Cultural Awareness: Understanding our own culture better comes

through understanding others, often requiring us to leave our comfort
zones.

3. Self-Concept and Perception: Our self-concepts influence how we

perceive others, and we tend to project our own standards onto them.

4. Questions for Reflection: Asking whether our impressions are based

on others’ desires or our own biases can lead to valuable insights.

Checking Perception

Interpersonal Comm 19
 1. Perception Checking Strategy: Helps monitor and assess our
perceptions of others.

2. Internal Strategies: Being aware of the factors influencing our

perceptions helps clarify our judgments.

3. External Strategies: Verification of perceptions by consulting others,

especially in important situations.

4. Cautionary Advice: Perceptions aren’t always accurate; we must

balance caution and reaction to avoid misjudgments.

The example from Doubt: A Parable illustrates how unchecked perceptions

can lead to certainty despite a lack of evidence.

Perception Checking
1. Purpose of Perception Checking:

Helps slow down perception and communication processes,

allowing for more control.

Involves describing, interpreting, and clarifying events or behaviors.

2. Steps of Perception Checking:

Step 1: Describe the behavior or situation without judgment.

Step 2: Consider multiple possible interpretations, being mindful of

any biases or assumptions.

Step 3: Verify by asking for clarification from the other person,

while being aware that their perspective may differ from your own.

3. Example Scenario:

Stefano observes his roommate Patrick leaving without saying

goodbye. Instead of jumping to conclusions, Stefano could
describe the event, think of possible reasons for Patrick’s behavior,
and seek clarification (e.g., asking calmly if everything is okay).

4. Key Takeaways:

Empathetic Listening: Helps improve perceptions of others.

Interpersonal Comm 20
 Self-Reflection: A useful tool to monitor personal reactions and
perceptions.

Stereotypes and Prejudices: Being aware of these can improve

perception accuracy.

Exercises
Identify Personal Barriers: Reflect on barriers to self-perception or
perceptions of others and consider strategies to overcome them.

Communication Reflection: Think of a recent situation where

perception checking could have improved the outcome. What could
have been done differently?
chapter 4 notes
understanding emotions

1. Understanding Emotions:
Personal & Interpersonal Nature: Emotions reflect inner feelings and
affect how we respond to others' emotional displays.

Physiological & Behavioral Reactions: Emotions involve physiological

changes (e.g., increased heart rate) and behaviors
(voluntary/involuntary).

Communication of Emotions: Emotions, when communicated, inform

others on how to react (e.g., sadness prompts support).

Primary vs. Secondary Emotions: Primary emotions (e.g., joy, fear) are
universal and short-lived, while secondary emotions (e.g., love, guilt)
require higher cognitive processing and last longer.

2. Perspectives on Emotion:
Learning Emotional Expression: People learn emotions through
observation, cultural norms, and trial and error.

Evolutionary Function: Emotional regulation and empathy were crucial

in human survival and bonding.

Interpersonal Comm 21
 Attachment Theory: Early caregiver interactions shape attachment
styles (secure, avoidant, anxious-preoccupied, and fearful) which
influence emotional regulation and relationships.

3. Culture and Emotions:

Cultural Norms: Emotions are shaped by cultural, historical, and social
contexts.

Display Rules: Different cultures have varying norms for expressing

emotions. Individualistic cultures value personal emotional expression,
while collectivistic cultures prioritize group harmony.

Emotional Expectations: Western cultures often expect positivity, while

other cultures (e.g., Pacific islands of Ifaluk) may discourage excessive
happiness for fear of neglecting duties.

Grief and Mourning: Grieving practices vary by culture and may

include intense expressions of emotion (e.g., wailing in Thai and Filipino
cultures), with gendered expectations in certain societies.

Interpersonal Comm 22
 expressing emotions

1. Emotion Sharing: Sharing emotions involves communicating the

circumstances, thoughts, and feelings after an emotional event. High-
intensity events are shared more often and for longer periods, offering
intrapersonal satisfaction and strengthening social bonds.
2. Emotional Contagion: Emotions can spread from one person to another.
Positive examples include shared laughter, while negative examples, like a
"Debbie Downer," can affect others' moods negatively.
3. Emotional Vocabulary: A more specific emotional vocabulary helps
reduce ambiguity in communication. It also allows us to convey the
intensity of our emotions (e.g., mild, moderate, intense).
4. "I" Language: Using “I” statements helps us take ownership of our
emotions and can prevent making others feel defensive (e.g., “I’m feeling
anxious” vs. “You’re making me crazy”).

5. Electronic Communication: While digital communication (emails, texts)

allows us time to compose our thoughts, it lacks nonverbal cues like facial
expressions and tone, which can make emotional expression less effective.

Interpersonal Comm 23
 6. Emotional Intelligence: Emotional intelligence is the ability to monitor
and manage our own emotions, recognize emotions in others, and guide
thoughts and actions accordingly.
7. Empathy: Understanding and sharing the feelings of others strengthens
social bonds, reduces stress, and increases life satisfaction.
8. Responses to Emotion Sharing: The intensity of an emotional episode
dictates the type of response—verbal reactions for low-intensity emotions
and nonverbal reactions, like physical comfort, for high-intensity situations.

understanding feelings
feelings don’t give us the same response that emotions do, we have more
feelings in a day than emotions. and feelings don’t last nearly as long
hunger is an emotion??
it’s not a feeling??
feelings can be uncomfortable for those expressing them and those
listening. some are just really comfortable with receiving and processing
other’s feelings. even those with good empathetic listening skills can be
effected good and bad by other’s emotions.

although sharing is caring and important to creating bonds, it can be

improved.

its important to understand the difference between a feeling and a mood

Mood:
low intensity states that can last longer than emotions and feelings

can last weeks or months

moods don’t really have triggers like emotions or feelings, there is no

stimulus for bad moods, however, certain personality characteristics can
impact moods.

Interpersonal Comm 24
 when certain language is used, it captures people’s attention and theit
imagination by giving their imagination and emotions something to grab
onto. think of an array of mental images that a poem or a well told story
from a friend can conjure up

that’s called Evocative language. Evocative languague can also have the
effect of physical reactions, words like shiver and heartbroken can have
people remember previous physical sensations related to the word. as a
speaker, there are many times when evoking a positive or negitave reaction
could be beneficial. gaining a sense of calm could help you walk someone
through hard times/hard news, whereas aggitation could gain action

when we talk to a friend or a crowd, we engage visual and auditory senses.

this type of language can help the conversation become lively, through
smell, taste, or hear even seeing. good writers use words effectiveley and
affectively. a well-written story, whether it is a book or a screenplay, will
contain all the previous elements. some words are so evocative that their
uses are wrong in terms of social norms of appropriate conversations.
although we use them to shocl others, we can also use euphemisms, or
less evocative synonyms for or indirect references to words or ideas that
are deemed inappropriate to discuss directly.

sex
death
while it can be useful and creative they also lead to misunderstand and
problems in cases where more direct communicaiton is warranted despire
social conventions

chapter 5 notes
foundations of culture and identity

Interpersonal Comm 25
 → we identify culture as the ongoing negotiation of learned/patterned beliefs,
attitudes, values, behaviors

should not be conceptualized as stable, unchanging

culture is more dynamic and also what shaped society to what it is today.
the definition also points out how culture is learned, how important
socialization insitutions are (family, school, peers, media).

culture is a pattern that is recognizable widespead similarities in a cultural

group.

there isn’t much deviation to those patterns for those in subgroups,

which is why cultural patterns change over time.
the definition also reflects that culture influences our beliefs about true/false,
attitudes including likes/dislikes, our values regarding rights/wrongs, and our
behaviors. its from these that our identities are formed.

personal, social, and cultural identities

basically asking about who you are. asking yourself you are. looking at self-
concept.
we gain our self concept from those around us, our teachers, friends,
family, media. all of these help us shape our identities.
while this is happening at birth, most in western society reach adolescence
leading them to reflect on who they are
leading them to have a higher social awareness
this begins the lifelong process of thinking of who we are, who we were,
who we will be.
→ essentially a midlife crisis.

our identities are not constant. our identities are formed through the
processes that started before birth and continue after death.

Interpersonal Comm 26
 → that’s kinda sad, thinking about it. we spend our whole lives trying to
find ourselves (identity) only for me to read that it just never fucking
happens.
therefore our identities aren’t something we achieve or complete. two
related but distinct components of our identities are our personal and social
identities.

Personal identities
→include the components of self that are primarially intrapersonal and
connected to our life experiences
(ex. I consider myself a puzzler. and you may identify as a fan of hip-
hop.
social identities
→ include the components of self that are derived from involvement in
social groups with which we are intrapersonally comitted to
we might take some aspects of our social identity from our family or
community. social identities differ from personal identities because they are
externally organized through membership.
→ membership may be voluntary, or involuntary
→ voluntary (greek org. on campus) involuntary (family)
→ membership may also be explicit, or implicit
→ explicit (we pay dues to our labor union) implicit (we purchase &
listen to hip-hop music)
there are innumerous options for personal and social identities. while our
personal identity choices are who we are, our social identities algin us with
specific groups.
→ through our social identities, we make statements about who we are
and who we aren’t

control f to get back to where we were to continue notes:

Interpersonal Comm 27
 Personal identities may change often as people have new experiences and
develop new interests and hobbies
chapter 6 notes

understanding how and why we listen

→ listening is learned through receiving, interpreting, recalling, evaluating &
responding to verbal/nonverbal messages.
→ we start listening long before we start with anything else, verbal or
nonverbal communication

→ it’s only after a few months as infants that we consciously practice our
own forms of expression

the listening process

→ it’s a learned process of receiving, interpreting, recalling, evaluating, and
responding to verbal/nonverbal messages

engages cognitive, behavioral, relational elements

includes receiving, interpreting, recalling, evaluating, and responding

just like communication, listening is cognitive, behavioral & relational and isn’t
linear

receiving
→ involves taking in stimuli through senses, primarily auditory/visual channels

visual cues like facial expressions enhance understanding of messages

noise (environmental and psychological) interferes with hearing and

listening

interpreting
→involves combining visual/auditory information and making meaning using
schemata

relies on connecting new information with past experiences to create

understanding

Interpersonal Comm 28
 can involve updating schemata based on new relevant information

recalling
→ dependent on physiological limits of memory (sensory storage, short-term,
working, long-term memory)

sensory memory is large but short lived, long term memory stores
information indefinitely if connected to schemata

working memory help process information during high cognitive

demand

evaluating
→ involves making judgements about the credibility, completeness, and worth
of the information

requires critical thinking and personal development to assess a

speakers message

studying communication and critical thinking

builds critical thinking skills by learning to analyze and critique messages,
senders and contexts

helps become proactive in communication rather than a passive receiver

avoid focusing on speaker characteristics over message content during

evaluation

responding
involves sending verbal and nonverbal feedback indicating attentiveness
and understanding

back-channel cues (eg, uh-huh, nods, eye contact, signal active listening)

paraphrasing rephrasing the message in your own words, showing

understanding and keeping the conversation flowing

asking clarifying questions help gather more information and continues

dialogue

Interpersonal Comm 29
 importance of listening
vital in academic, professional and professional contexts

poor listening is linked to academic failure and workplace communication

challenges

employers highly values interpersonal and listening skills

listening supports relationships by fostering empathy, emotional support,

and conflict resolution

main purpose of listening

focus on messages and noises from surrounding

improving understanding of others communication

critically evaluate messages

monitor nonverbal signals

show interest and attentiveness

empathize and support relational maintenance

engage in negotiation and shared understanding

types of listening
techniques to improve recall
→ improving recall during the listening process can be a challenge, but certain
strategies help strengthen this skill. like as follow:

repitition
repeating a name, concept, instructions either out loud, or in your mind
right after hearing them reinforces memory
association
connecting new information with something familiar (linking a person’s
name with a visual cue or associating a key concept with a mnemonic)
note-taking

Interpersonal Comm 30
 writing down key points immediately after hearing them can help solidify
recall, especially for verbal instructions or directions

chunking
breaking complex information into smaller, manageable parts aids in
retention (dividing long instruction into smaller steps)
summarization
mentally summarizing what was just heard in your own words can
reinforce memory and understanding

is empathetic listening the most difficult?

→ empathetic listening is most challenging because it involves full emotional
investment & the ability to set aside own feelings to fully understand another’s
feelings.
the difficulty often lies in resisting the urge to offer advice or shift convo to
yourself, as empathy demands attention solely on the other’s experience
without judgement.
I would agree that empathetic listening can be hard to achieve, especially in
emotionally charged/complex conversations where it’s easier to react with
sympathy or action oriented responses

personal listening style

→ listening style that best describes me

content oriented listening

enjoys analyzing complex information

values hearing multiple perspectives before making a decision

asks questions to deepen understanding

focused on thorough and balanced engagement with information

→ listening style I struggle with

time oriented listening

dislikes rushing conversations

Interpersonal Comm 31
 prefers more in-depth engagement with information

finds it difficult to cut off conversations due to time constraints

struggles with balancing efficiency and attentiveness when under

pressure

barriers to effective listening

barriers to listening at different stages
→receiving stage

environmental noise can block or distort incoming stimuli

→ interpretating stage

complex or abstract information can be hard to relate to previous

experiences

→ recalling stage

memory limitations and concentration issues can interfere with

remembering

→ evaluating stage

personal biases or assumptions can lead to blocking out people or

misjudging their message

→ responding stage

poor paraphrasing or questioning can lead to misunderstanding

environmental and physical barriers

→ environmental factors

poor lighting, uncomfortable temperature & distracting seating

arrangements can hinder listening

direct eye contact and physical proximity facilitate better listening

Interpersonal Comm 32
 noise (air conditioners, dogs barking) can disrupt listening even with
proper seating arrangements
→ physical barriers
→→ physiological noise
physical ailments (illness, injury) can affect listening ability
→→psychological noise
emotional states (excitement, stress, love, hatred) can either help or
hinder listening
→→ fatigue is a combination of both psychological and physiological
stressors that reduces listening ability
→ additional factors

psychological noise can manifest physically (sweating, trembling,

blushing) and can affect listening

preferences or emotional involvement can increase barriers to listening

bad listening practices

→ barriers to effective listening

physical barriers, cognitive limitations, and perceptual biases are

difficult to completely eliminate but can be lessened with awareness

bad listening practices can be habitual but are easier to address with
effort

→ bad listening practices

→→ interrupting

conversating's that involve turn taking, and interruptions disrupt this

process

not all interruptions are bad, such as when they show support (I think
so too) or are necessary for instructions (turn left here)

interruptions from mindless communication, even if unintentional, are

considered bad listening

Interpersonal Comm 33
 some interruptions aim to dominate the conversation, leading to
negative impressions or competition between speakers
→→ eavesdropping

eavesdropping involves deliberately and secretly listening to a

conversation

its differently from overhearing which is unintentional

eavesdropping violates privacy and can results in anger, damaged

relationships, or being perceived as sneaky

it can also lead to discovering hurtful, upsetting or harmful

information

→→ aggressive listening (ambushing)

aggressive listeners pay attention to critique or attack a speakers

words

this behavior often stems form frustration and is more common in

long term relationships

Person Statement

I’ve been thinking about making a salsa garden next to the side porch.
Deb: I think it would be really good to be able to go pick our own tomatoes
and peppers and cilantro to make homemade salsa.

Summer: Really? When are you thinking about doing it?

Deb: Next weekend. Would you like to help?

I won’t hold my breath. Every time you come up with some “idea of
the week” you get so excited about it. But do you ever follow through
Summer:
with it? No. We’ll be eating salsa from the store next year, just like we
are now.

Although Summer’s initial response to Deb’s idea is seemingly appropriate and

positive, she asks the question because she has already planned her
upcoming aggressive response. Summer’s aggression toward Deb isn’t about
a salsa garden; it’s about a building frustration with what Summer perceives
as Deb’s lack of follow-through on her ideas. Aside from engaging in
aggressive listening because of built- up frustration, such listeners may also

Interpersonal Comm 34
 attack others’ ideas or mock their feelings because of their own low self-
esteem and insecurities.

narcissistic listening

self centered and self absorbed listening, where listeners make the
converstation about themselves

listeners redirect focus to themselves, often using a pivot or one-upping

this behavior leads to negative feedback, such as interrupting or

criticizing the speaker

defensive listening

listeners perceive non-existent attacks, often due to guilt or insecurity

personalizes neutral comments as criticisms or accusations

selective listening

listeners focus on only points they agree with or find important, filtering
out the rest

common in personal conversations and political discussions, where

much information is missed

insensitive listening

listeners pay attention to content but ignore emotional/relational cues

provides unsupportive responses (”I guess you didn’t study” after

someone fails an exam)

pseudo-listening

pretending to listen while not actually paying attention

often used as a politeness strat, but can have relational consequences if

discovered

improving listening competence

listening skills improvement

Interpersonal Comm 35
 this section focuses on strats to improve listening competence at each
stage of the process and defines active listening
critical/empathetic thinking
strats to enhance these skills will be covered, along with how listening
differs in academic, perfessional, and relational contexts, and the influence
of culture and gender
improving listening at different stages

receving stage

focus, avoid interruptions and pay attention to converstational flow

interpreting stage

identify main points, consider context, and note tone and

paralinguistic cues

recalling stage

use multiplue sensory channels, repitition, and mnemonic devices

evaluating stage

distinguish facts, asses credibility and identify persuasive

techniques

responding stage

ask clarifying questions, give feedback, adapt responses with

context

active listening
combines outward behaviors (eye contact, nodding) with internal cognitive
practices (covert coaching, self-reinforcement, covert questioning) to
overcome barriers to listening and enhance comprehension
overcoming barriers

address physical and environmental distractions (lighting and noise)

recognize and manage psychological barriers like hunger and fatigue

Interpersonal Comm 36
 use internal dialogue techniques (coaching, self-reinforcement) to stay
focused
active listening behaviors

maintain eye contact, use head nods and verbal cues like “uh-huh” to
show engagement

reference past statements or ask probing questions to confirm

understanding

avoid interruptions and take notes when appropriate to enhance

memory and comprehension

Repeating Paraphrasing Reflecting

Perceiving Perceiving Perceiving

Paying Attention Paying Attention Paying Attention

Remembering Remembering Remembering

Repeating the message

Thinking and
using exactly the same words used Thinking and Reasoning
Reasoning
by the speaker

Rending the message

Rendering the message
using your own words
Rendering using similar words
and sentence
and similar phrase
structure

relational contexts

listening is essential for initiating and maintaining relationships through

mutual self-disclosure

provides psychological rewards (recognition) that strengthen

relationships

lack of listening can lead to feelings or isolation and loneliness

cultural context

high context cultures (east asian, latin amerian) rely more on nonverbal
cues on context in communication

Interpersonal Comm 37
 low-context cultures (us) rely mor eon explicit verbal communication

monochronic cultures values time and use action oriented listening (”get
to the point”)

polychronic cultures value people and use more flexible, content

oriented listening
gender and listening

gender differences in listening are influenced by societal expectations,

not biology

men and women interrupt each other with similar frequency in cross
gender interactions

social norms affect how men and women express emotions and listen in
different contexts

active listening

combines visible listening behaviors (verbal/nonverbal cues) with

mental focus

positive cognitive practices like note-taking and reorganization aid

listening

Chapter 7 Notes
Learning objectives
explain how the triangle of meaning describes the symbolic nature of
language

distinguish between denotation and connotation

discuss the function of the rules of language

describe the process of language acquisition

Complicated relationship between language and meaning

the relationship between language and meaning is complex due to the

limitless nature of modern language systems like english

Interpersonal Comm 38
 language is productive, allowing infinite combinations of words to create
new utterances

vocabulary constantly expands as new words are coined daily

verbal and nonverbal communication

verbal and nonverbal communication are closely related in meaning-

making, but nonverbal communication is not as limitless as language

the process of generating meaning involves the interaction between our

nervous and sensory systems and external stimuli

language as a symbolic system

language primarily consists of symbols, which stand in for objects or

ideas but do not directly correspond to them

symbols can be communicated verbally, in writing, or nonverbally

modern language symbols are abstract and culturally agreed-upon,

unlike ancient systems like hieroglyphics

human ability for abstract communication

the symbolic nature of language is unique to humans, allowing abstract

communication about things removed in space or time (displacement)

early human communication was less abstract, mimicking sounds from

nature, but evolved as societies grew and required more complex
symbols

evolution of symbols

symbols have evolved over time, moving from direct representations,

(pebbles representing chickens) to more abstract forms (written words)

this evolution has led to easier communication but also increased the
potential for misunderstandings due to the indirect relationship between
symbols and their referents

triangle of meaning
the triangle of meaning model illustrates the relationship between a thought,
a symbol, and a referent, highlighting the potential for misunderstandings

Interpersonal Comm 39
 due to the indirect link between symbols and their referents

Jasper is thinking about a small dog like a dachshund, and Abby is thinking
about an Australian shepherd. Since the word dog doesn’t refer to one
specific object in our reality, it is possible for them to have the same
thought, and use the same symbol, but end up in an awkward moment
when they get to the shelter and fall in love with their respective referents
only to find out the other person didn’t have the same thing in mind.
clarifying symbols and referents

to compensate for the indirect relationship between symbols and

referents, we can seek clarification through questions

clarifying questions help narrow down the referent, leading to a more

shared understanding in communication

definitions and their roles

definitions help narrow the meaning of symbols, which in turn narrows

possible referents

definitions can be challenging if both the symbol and its definition are
abstract, potentially leading to confusion

denotative vs connotative meanings

denotation

Interpersonal Comm 40
 the accepted dictionary definition of a word, agreed upon by the
language group

connotation

emotion or experience based associations with a word, which can vary

widely among individuals

words can be polysemic

having multiple meanings

or monosemic

having a single meaning

cultural myths and connotations
connotations can extend beyond personal experiences to cultural myths,
shaping broader narratives and cultural symbols, such as the cowboy in
American culture
language is learned

the relationship between symbols and their referents is arbitrary,

meaning symbols gain meaning through learning and association

language learning involves associating symbols with their referents and

understanding the rules of grammar to form meaningful sentences

rules of language (grammar)

grammar is a set of rules governing how words are used to form

phrases and sentences

proper grammar is essential for making communication intelligible and

meaningful

grammar and communication

while knowing grammar is essential for being understood, it is not

enough to make someone an effective communicator

creativity and play in language are also vital

language rules are based on collective agreement rather than inherent

correctness

Interpersonal Comm 41
 flexibility in language rules

linguists have different views on language rules

some see them as rigid, others flexible, and some believe meaning
is limitless

the passage suggests a middle ground, acknowledging individual

choice within a structured system

connotation and meaning

individuals bring personal experiences and emotions to language,

shaping connotations that can differ from dictionary definitions

creativity in language is exemplified by secret codes, slang, and other

personalized uses of language, showing that meaning resides in people
rather than words

language acquisition

language acquisition involves learning to understand, produce, and use

words within a language group

this process begins at birth and continues through adolescence, with

rapid development in the first two years

by the end of the first year, babies have learned the basic components
necessary for speech, and by the early teens, they have acquired the
linguistic skills needed for everyday conversation

barriers to language acquisition, such as disease or trauma, can affect

this process, and are studied within communication sciences and
disorders

language as a tool for expression

verbal communication helps us fulfill different needs by enabling us to

express ourselves it allows us to ask questions, describe our
surroundings, inform, persuade, and entertain others

language is fundamentally expressive, facilitating the communication of

observations, thoughts, feelings and needs

expressing observations

Interpersonal Comm 42
 observations are reports of sensory information we have perceived

for example, eyewitness testimony relies on expressing

observations without making judgments

expressing observations in a descriptive manner rather than an

evaluative one can reduce defensiveness and promote effective
communication

expressing thoughts

thoughts are conclusions we draw based on our observations, they are

tied to our beliefs, attitudes, and values

thoughts are subjective interpretations of our experiences, often

reflecting judgements rather than objective facts

people sometimes express thoughts as if they were feelings, leading to

potential misunderstandings

expressing feelings

feelings are our emotion responses and expressing them can be

challenging due to social norms and cultural differences

emotional expression is influenced by factors such as age, gender, and

cultural back ground

for instance, women are often expected to be more emotional

expressive then man

expressing feelings can be uncomfortable for both speaker and the

listener, especially when dealing with intense emotions like anger

despite the complexities, sharing emotions is crucial for building social

bonds and fostering empathy

emotional vocabulary

Specificity in emotion

to effectively express emotions, its important to have a broad and

specific emotional vocabulary

Interpersonal Comm 43
 the more precisely we can name our emotions, the clearer our
communicaiton becomes for the listener

intensity of emotions

emotional vocabulary allows us to convey the intensity of our

feelings, ranging from mild to intense.

ex. happy is mild expresson, delighted moderate, ecstatic

intense

this clarity helps others understand the depth of our emotions

1. Developing Emotional Vocabulary:

Specificity in Emotion: To effectively express emotions, it's important

to have a broad and specific emotional vocabulary. The more precisely
we can name our emotions, the clearer our communication becomes
for the listener.

Intensity of Emotions: Emotional vocabulary allows us to convey the

intensity of our feelings, ranging from mild to intense. For example,
"happy" is a mild expression, "delighted" is moderate, and "ecstatic" is
intense. This clarity helps others understand the depth of our emotions.

2. Challenges in Written Emotional Communication:

Advantages: Writing allows us to carefully compose our thoughts and

express emotions in detail, whether through emails, texts, or traditional
handwritten notes.

Disadvantages: Written communication lacks the context and

nonverbal cues (like facial expressions and tone of voice) that are often
crucial for conveying emotions fully. Additionally, the absence of
immediate feedback can be frustrating, especially when seeking
emotional support or validation.

3. Expressing Needs:

Importance of Clarity: Expressing needs is essential for getting things

done and maintaining healthy relationships. Since we know our needs
better than others do, clear communication is crucial.

Interpersonal Comm 44
 Avoiding Ambiguity: When expressing a need, it's important to be
clear and specific. For example, instead of saying, "I think we’re moving
too quickly in our relationship," it's more effective to state, "I need to
spend some time with my hometown friends this weekend. Would you
mind if I went home by myself?"

Avoiding Judgments: It's important to avoid letting evaluations or

judgments slip into expressions of need. For example, saying, "I need
you to stop suffocating me!" combines a thought and feeling rather
than clearly stating a need, which can lead to misunderstandings or
defensiveness.

challenges in written emotional communication

advantages

writing allows us to carefully compose our thoughts and express our

emotions in detail, whether through emails, texts, or traditional
handwritten notes

disadvantages

written communication lacks the context and nonverbal cues (facial

expressions and tone of voice) that are often crucial for conveying
emotions fully. additionally, the absence of immediate feedback can
be frustrating, especially when seeking emotional support or
validation

expressing needs:

expressing needs is essential for getting things done and maintaining

healthy relationships. since we know our needs better than others do,
clear communicaiton is crucial

when expressing a need, its important to be clear and specific. for

example, instead of saying “I think we’re moving too quickly in our
relationship” its more effective to say “I need to spend some time with
my hometown friends this weekend. would you mind if I went home by
myslef?”

it’s important to avoid letting evaluations or judgements slip into

expressions of need. for example, saying “I need you to stop suffocating

Interpersonal Comm 45
 me” combines a thought and feeling rather than clearly stating a need,
which can lead to misunderstandings or defensiveness

type description example

communicating
feeling “I feel at peace when we’re together”
emotions

“I’m saving money for summer

stating the wants or
need vacation. is it okay if we skip our
requesting help/suppory
regular night out this week?”

language expressing identities

self-chosen vs imposed labels

language plays a crucial role in expressing our identities the impact

of a label depends on whether it is self picked or imposed by others.
people often feel comfortable with labels they choose for
themselves rather than those imposed by others

contextual expression

identity expression can also be context-dependent. for instance,

someone might emphasize their “irish” identity on st patricks day
but not throughtout the rest of the year

reclaiming labels

some groups have reclaimed labels that were once orriginally

negitive. examples are, redneck label by country music singers,
black is beautiful movement, and the term queer for lgbtq+

language affects credibility

perceptions of competence

how we use language influences others’ perceptions of our

credibility, even though the rules governing verbal communicaiton
can be arbitrary, they still play a role in how competent or
trustworthy we appear

context matters

Interpersonal Comm 46
 the appropriateness of language varies by context. for example,
informal language might be acceptable at a social event, but would
likely undermine credibility in a perfessional setting

balancing communicaiton

leaders, including politicians, must balance sounding

knowledgeable without being perceiving as out of touch. they need
to use language that is accessible yet credible

language as a means for control

positive and negative reinforcement

language can be used to reward or punish. positive reinforcement

involves praise, while negative reinforcement might involve criticisim
or withholding communication

directives and promises

directives are utterances intended to influence others’ actions,

ranging from polite requests to forceful commands. promise often
accompany directives to encourage compliance, but they must be
kept to maintain eithical communication

creating communication climages

overall tone of verbal communicaition can create either an open or

closed communication climate. an open climate characteriazed by
empathy and respect fosters collaborations, while a closed climate
marked by control and deciet leads to mistrust

language is performative

commissives

some language acts as a form of action rather than just conveying

information.

words like i promise, or i do, commit the speaker to a specific corse

of action

official power of language

Interpersonal Comm 47
 certain words have offical power, such as I do, in legal or ceremonial
contexts, which can create binding commitments

legal implications

in legal settings, performative language can control outcomes, such

as jury verdicts or judical sentences. the power of language is so
significant that it is sometimes regulated in the case of hate speech,
slander or libel
LANGUAGE IS FUN
word games

popular word games: words with friends, apples to apples, boggle,

scrabble, crossword puzzles

writers, poets, and comedians often play with language for humor
and creativity

ex:

teachers using puns

jay leno’s bit on language mistakes

palindromic sentence competitions

palindromes

words/phrases that read the same backwards and forwards

ex;

racecar

live not on evil

doc, not i dissent

extensive lists, like neil/freds gigantic list of palindromes

contranyms

words with opposite meanings

ex.

Interpersonal Comm 48
 sanction (to allow or to prevent

dust (to remove particles or add particles

explored in Richard lederer’s book crazy english

humor and language

humor is complex with over 100 theories

functions

lightens converstantions, breaks ice, increases group cohesion

tests compatibility, discloses personal information indirectly and

expresses intreset or copes with situations

development

begins in childhood with word play

understanding humor involves encoding (creating humor) and

decoding (understanding humor)

language is dynamic
neologisms

newly coined or used words

created through borrowing, structural changes (compounding,

affixing, clipping, bending) and changing means

ex:

borrowing

“chic” (french), “karaoke” (japanese), “carvan” arabic

structural changes

keyboard, newspaper, brunch

changing meanings

friend, from noun to verb

google, company name to verb

Interpersonal Comm 49
 gay, expansion and contraction of meaning

slang

informal, often group specific language that is creative and

dynamic

forms of creation

inversion: words like, sick, wicked, bad, with opposite

meanings

reduction: pic, sec

slang words change rapidly, few survive over time

examples from the past: da bomb, tight, deuces

slang often relates to taboo topics and creates a linguistic

barrier for outsiders
Language is relational
interpersonal comm

language is key in initiating, maintaining, and terminating

relationships

we language: promotes inclusiveness

i language: expresses personal thoughts and feelings

you language: can lead to defensiveness

communication requency
frequent communicaiton, expecially with supportive messages,
reduces stress and uncertainty with relationships
sociocultural impact

shared language can unite people and create bonds

universal language movements (esperanto) aim to create

global understanding but face challanged

simultaneous learning efforts

Interpersonal Comm 50
 accommodating language changes

realistic impact on peace and coexistence

endangered languages
many languages are dying, while efforts to preserve them (cajun
french, french canadian, pennsylvania dutch) continue.
using words clearly
clarity in communication

varies based on audience, situation, speakers intentions

clear communication can be enhanced by

nonverbal cues, slowing speech, increasing volume

verbal cues, phrases like: frankly, let me be clear

challanges to clarify

unfamiliar topics

emotions and distractions

importance of abstraction awarness:

understanding abstraction helps create clearer messages

awareness of abstraction levels can reduce misunderstandings

level of abstraction
ladder of abstraction:

model illustrating language from contrete to abstract

moving up the ladder

essence of the original concept is lost

increases potential for misinterpretation

abstracting in communication

abstracting simplifies language, making communicaiton manageable

requires context and additional words to convey meaning

Interpersonal Comm 51
 examples of abstraction

contrete request, clear and specific

take a picture of a bood

abstract request, vague and open to interpretation

take a picture of word

work can refer to various activites,

writing,

repairing

gardening

highlighting abstractions role in communication

abstraction ladder

lowest level

direct, concrete experience

seeing the actual cow

next level

naming the experience

bessie

higher levels

grouping with similar entities

cow → livestock→asset→wealth

higher abstraction

more abstract symbols lose specific characteristics of the

original experience

language use:

use concrete language when clarity is important, abstract

language is useful for indirect communication

Interpersonal Comm 52
 definitions and clarity

denotative definitions

official dictrionary meanings

challenge

definitions tend to abstract; providing descriptive, relateable

examples enhances understanding

jargon

specialized language should be limited or clearly defined when

speaking to diverse audiences

creating whole messages

whole messages

include all relevant expressions (observations, thoughts, feelings,

needs) for effective communication

partial messages

missing components can lead to misunderstanding

contaminated messages

mixed or misleading expressions; should be decontaminated for

clairty

using words affectively

affective language

expresses emotions to create similar feelings in others

intentional use

enhances interpersonal bonds and public speaking engagement

spontaneous use

occurs naturally, arousing emotions in others

figurative language

simile

Interpersonal Comm 53
 direct comparison using like or as

life is like a box of chocolates

metaphor

implicit comparason

an iron curtain has descended across the continent of europe

personification

attributing human qualities to nonhuman objects

hpv as a sleeping enemy

evocative language

vivid language

captures attention, evokes emotions and creates mental images

physical reactions

words can trigger physcail sensations and emotional responses

euphemisms

less evocative synonyms used to soften the impact of socially

sensitive topics

using words well

concrete words

makes concepts relevant to listeners experiences

appropriate vocabulary

avoid speaking beyond comfort zones to maintain credibility

avoid bloated language

keep speech concise and clear

use repitition

emphasize key ideas

practice

Interpersonal Comm 54
 record and review speeches to refine language
using words ethically

communicaiton is irreversible

consider short and long term effects

ethical considerations

be mindful of languages performative nature and its potential

real-world effects

civility

avoid incivility

insults, swearing

cultural changes impact perceptions of civility

individual differences
some people differ in their interpretations of civility in various settings, and
some people have personality traits that may lead to actions deemed uncivil
on a more regular basis
ignorance
in some cases, especially in novel situations invlolving uncertainty, people
may not know what social norms and expectations are
lack of skill
even when we know how to behave, we may not be able to do it. such
frustrations may lead a person to revert to undesirable behavior such as
engaging in personal attacks during a conflict because they don’t know
what else to do.
Lapse of control.
Self-control is not an unlimited resource. Even when people know how to
behave and have the skill to respond to a situation appropriately, they may
not do so. Even people who are careful to monitor their behavior have
occasional slipups.
Negative intent.

Interpersonal Comm 55
 Some people, in an attempt to break with conformity or challenge societal
norms, or for self-benefit (publicly embarrassing someone in order to look
cool or edgy), are openly uncivil. Such behavior can also result from mental
or psychological stresses or illnesses.
Polarizing Language:

Narrow Representation: Under threat, people tend to verbally represent

the world in narrow, polarized ways, misrepresenting reality and closing off
dialogue.

Civil Discourse: To maintain civil discourse, keep an open mind and

vocabulary to interact ethically and competently.

Polarizing Language Definition: Language that presents people, ideas, or

situations as polar opposites, exaggerating differences and
overgeneralizing.

Avoiding Polarized Thinking: Avoiding polarizing language can prevent

polarized thinking and encourage learning new perspectives.

Example: Statements like “All cops are corrupt” or “All drug users are
scum” overgeneralize and can lead to defensive reactions.

Swearing:

Types of Swearing:

Social Swearing: Used to create social bonds or manage impressions.

Annoyance Swearing: Used to manage stress and tension, providing a

sense of relief.

Gender Differences: Differences in swearing frequency between men and

women aren’t as vast as perceived, though societal taboos against women
swearing exist.

Rise in Swearing: Increased informality and a decline in conservative

religious views have led to more swearing in conversation and media.

Desensitization: The shock value of swearing has decreased over time,

contributing to its spread.

Interpersonal Comm 56
 Positive Effects: Swearing can help express emotions and develop social
bonds, linked more to the emotional part of the brain than the verbal part.

Accountability:

Miscommunication Source: Confusion between inferences (conclusions

based on speculation) and observations (direct facts) often leads to
miscommunication.

Distinguishing Statements: Ethical speakers distinguish between facts,

inferences, and judgments to present information clearly and accountably.

Example: A student’s complaint about grading could mix inferences and

facts, leading to misunderstandings if not clarified.

Ethical Communication: Using “I language,” concrete descriptions, and

distinguishing between inferences and facts helps listeners better
understand and judge the message.

Society and Culture:

Cyclical Relationship: Society and culture influence language, and

language, in turn, influences society and culture.

Understanding the Cycle: Examples from this chapter and personal

experiences help illustrate this complex relationship.

Learning Through Experience: Stepping out of comfort zones, such as

studying abroad, provides valuable lessons in understanding cultural and
linguistic differences.

Pronoun Usage Example:

In German, formal pronouns (Sie) are used for authority figures, while
informal pronouns (Du) are for peers.

A professor in Austria invited American students to a cultural ritual

called duzen, allowing them to use the informal pronoun with her,
symbolizing closeness.

The students continued to respectfully use the professor's title but

switched to informal pronouns, unlike their peers who weren't part of
the ritual.

Interpersonal Comm 57
 Cultural Rituals: The German duzen ritual has no direct English equivalent,
but English has its own unique rituals that may seem foreign to others.

Language and Social Context:

Meaning Through Interaction: Meaning is derived through conversational

interactions that follow social norms and rules.

Rules and Norms:

Rules are explicitly stated (e.g., "Look at me when I’m talking to you.")

Norms are implicit (e.g., signaling the end of a conversation politely).

Roles in Conversation: Social roles influence meaning and how we speak,

cuing others into the context from which we are speaking (e.g., "As a
longtime member of this community...").

Turn Taking:

Central to conversation, ensuring that everyone contributes.

Verbal and nonverbal cues help manage when turns begin and end,
resembling a dance.

Conversations often involve rephrasing and clarification to ensure

shared understanding.

Adjacency Pairs:

Communication structures that follow one after the other in an

interaction (e.g., questions followed by answers, greetings followed by
responses).

These pairs are essential for facilitating verbal interactions.

Name Statement

Travis: “How are you?”

Wanda: “Did someone tell you I’m sick?”

“I just wanted to let you know the meeting has been moved to
Darrell:
three o’clock.”

Leigh: “I had cake for breakfast this morning.”

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 Scripted or Ritualized Elements in Conversation:

Highly Scripted Conversations:

Conversations, especially beginnings, ends, and topic changes, often

follow specific social scripts or rituals.

Conversation Beginnings:

Typically start with standard greetings.

Progress to "safe" exchanges (e.g., comments on the weather or

surroundings) to break the ice.

Afterward, conversations move on to more specific topics.

Topic Changes:

Social norms dictate that current topics should be allowed to conclude

before changing to a new one.

Finding a relevant segue acknowledges the previous topic and speaker,

signaling attentive listening.

Abrupt topic changes without following these norms can be perceived

as rude or inattentive.

Ending a Conversation:

Complexity of Ending Conversations:

Simply walking away or ending a conversation without following

socially acceptable "leave-taking behaviors" is considered a breach of
social norms.

Leave-taking Behaviors:

Conversations often provide natural exits at topic changes.

People typically offer reasons for leaving in an apologetic tone,

whether sincere or not.

Cooperative Endings:

Conversations usually end through mutual cooperation, with signals

indicating that a topic has been satisfactorily covered or that one or

Interpersonal Comm 59
 both people need to leave.

In the US, it is customary to state the intention to leave before actually

doing so, with this statement often being dismissed or ignored until
additional leave-taking behaviors are observed.

Lack of cooperation in ending a conversation can lead to awkward

silence or abrupt endings.

Silence is viewed differently across cultures, which ties into broader

discussions on cultural context.

Language and Cultural Context:

Cultural Identity and Language:

Culture isn't solely determined by native language or nationality; even

people speaking the same language can experience cultural
differences.

Tendency to view our own language more favorably than others,

despite no language being inherently superior in communication
effectiveness.

Acculturation Process:

From birth, individuals are socialized into cultural identities through

explicit and implicit lessons.

Cultural values are transmitted through daily actions and language use.

Babies acquire cultural knowledge alongside language, with language

practices shaping their early cultural identity.

Language and Reality:

The language we speak plays a crucial role in shaping our perception

of reality.

Differences in vocabulary across languages can influence how we talk

about the world (e.g., Swedish words for grandparents vs. English).

The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis suggests language influences reality but

doesn’t entirely determine it.

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 Cross-Cultural Communication Challenges:

Miscommunications can arise from cultural differences in language,

leading to awkward, informative, or disastrous outcomes.

Examples include:

Awkward: Pepsi’s slogan mistranslation in Taiwan.

Informative: Culturally specific phrases for positive reinforcement

in the US and England.

Disastrous: Union Carbide's gas leak in India due to inadequate

cross-cultural training.

Accents and Dialects:

Differences in Dialects and Accents:

Dialects: Versions of languages with distinct words, grammar, and

pronunciation.

Accents: Distinct pronunciation styles within a dialect.

Accents and dialects can vary by region, class, or ancestry, influencing

impressions of others.

Influence on Perceptions:

People tend to favor those with a similar dialect and view others with
different dialects or accents more negatively.

Dialects include different words and phrases, but tone of voice often
creates the strongest impressions.

For example, a Southern accent might be perceived as slow or

uneducated, while a New England accent might be seen as harsh or
rude.

Customs and Norms:

Cultural Relativity of Social Norms:

Social norms vary significantly across cultures, affecting the meaning

of words used in politeness rituals (e.g., "thank you" in American,
British, and French contexts).

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 The perception of powerful language styles differs by culture;
confrontational language might be seen as strong in Western cultures
but immature in Japan.

Gender and Language:

Gender impacts language use less than commonly believed.

Research shows minimal differences in how men and women disclose

personal information, especially in cross-gender communication.

Men and women are more likely to communicate similarly in cross-

gender encounters, challenging gender stereotypes.

Communication Accommodation and Code-Switching:

Communication Accommodation Theory:

Explores why and how people adjust their communication to fit different
contexts (situational, social, cultural).

Convergence: Adapting communication to be more like another’s,

fostering ease, understanding, and social bonds.

Divergence: Emphasizing differences in communication to assert

identity or make someone feel unwelcome.

Code-Switching:

Refers to changes in accent, dialect, or language depending on the

context.

Can be influenced by social or professional pressures (e.g., Southern

accent modification, Indian call center workers adopting Anglo-
American accents).

Increasing globalization heightens the expectations for code-switching,

which may reinforce cultural biases.

Language and Cultural Bias:

Cultural Bias in Language:

Accent neutralization in Indian call centers is a response to racist abuse

from customers, illustrating cultural bias in language use.

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 Cultural bias often manifests in subtle ways, even when unintentional,
and affects how we talk about race, gender, age, sexual orientation,
and ability.

Biases are often based on stereotypes and myths, influencing our daily
language use and communication.

Race:

Euphemisms like "urban" or "inner city" may reflect racial biases by

associating certain races with cities and poverty.

Terms like "nonwhite" imply whiteness as the norm, and

generalizations like referring to all Asians as "Chinese" or all Latinos as
"Mexicans" reduce diversity within racial groups.

People of color may prefer more specific labels that acknowledge their
individual or group identities.

Gender:

Language exaggerates perceived differences between men and

women, as seen in terms like "opposite sex," which assumes binary
opposition.

Avoiding gendered language, such as using "they" or alternating

pronouns, can reduce bias.

Common language practices infantilize women (e.g., "chicks," "girls,"

"babes"), while terms like "Ms." help reduce bias by not indicating
marital status.

Age:

Age bias can be directed at both older and younger people, with terms
like "elderly" carrying connotations of weakness.

More neutral terms like "older people" are preferred, and referring to
adults as "boys" or "girls" is generally inappropriate.

Sexual Orientation:

The term "sexual orientation" is preferred over "sexual preference," as

it acknowledges the complexity of sexuality.

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 Using gender-neutral terms like "partner" and avoiding assumptions
about someone's sexual orientation can create a more inclusive
environment.

Casual phrases like "that's gay" to mean "that's stupid" can perpetuate
negative stereotypes and create an uncomfortable environment for GLB
people.

Ability:

People with disabilities are increasingly recognized as a cultural/social

identity group.

"Able-bodied" is a term often used to refer to people without disabilities,

but it implies that people with disabilities are "abnormal."

The term "disability" is preferred over "handicap," as the environment often

handicaps people with disabilities, not their condition.

Language that reduces people to their disability (e.g., "paraplegic" vs.

"person with paraplegia") is biased and can be harmful.

Language about disabilities often portrays people as victims and their lives
as gloomy or painful, which are generalizations and often inaccurate.

Hate Speech:

Hate speech is a verbal manifestation of extreme negative beliefs toward a

group based on race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, or ability.

Hate differs from anger in several ways: hate is directed at a group, lacks
sympathy, can persist without direct interaction, and can create feelings of
self-righteousness.

Hate speech is used to intimidate out-groups and motivate in-group

members, often promoting violence and solidifying group identity.

Incidents of hate speech and hate crimes have increased over the past
fifteen years, partly due to the Internet's role in organizing hate groups.

The US Constitution's First Amendment protects free speech, including

some forms of hate speech, as seen in the 2011 Snyder v. Phelps Supreme
Court case.

Interpersonal Comm 64
 key takeaways

the triangle of meaning explains the relationship between thoughts,

symbols, and referents, highlights the potential for misunderstandings
due to multiple possible referents

language rules provide structure but also allows for creativity

language acquisition is a rapid and complex process, with most

essential skills developed by the early teens
Chapter 8 Notes
nonverbal communication:

different types of nonverbal signals work together to reinforce, modify,

or contradict verbal messages

Principles and Functions of Nonverbal Communication

Channels of Communication:

Oral Communication: Relies on a single channel—sound, perceived by

our ears.

Nonverbal Communication: Can be received through all five senses,

primarily through visual and auditory channels.

Focus: Visual and auditory channels, with special emphasis on touch as

a significant nonverbal cue.

Defining Nonverbal Communication:

Verbal vs. Nonverbal Communication: Both include vocal and

nonvocal elements.

Vocal Elements:

Verbal: Spoken words (e.g., “Come back here”).

Nonverbal: Paralanguage (e.g., speaking rate, volume, pitch).

Nonvocal Elements:

Verbal: Written symbols, ASL—convey meaning but are not

considered nonverbal.

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 Nonverbal: Body language (e.g., gestures, facial expressions, eye
contact).

Key Distinctions:

Gestures: Nonvocal and nonverbal, as they don't refer to specific

words like written or signed symbols.

Key Concepts of Nonverbal Communication

Biological vs. Cultural Basis:

Nonverbal communication is biologically based and more

instinctual.

Verbal communication is culturally based and less universal in

meaning.

Importance and Processing:

Nonverbal communication conveys significant interpersonal and

emotional messages, often accounting for around 65% of meaning
in interactions.

It is processed by older parts of the brain, making it more instinctual

and less controlled than verbal communication.

Involuntary Nature:

Nonverbal communication is often involuntary and harder to fake,

revealing true feelings and thoughts.

It can be difficult to control or suppress nonverbal cues.

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 Ambiguity:

Nonverbal signals can be ambiguous and open to multiple

interpretations.

Unlike verbal communication, nonverbal cues lack explicit rules and

grammar.

Credibility:

Nonverbal communication is often perceived as more credible than

verbal communication, especially in times of stress or danger.

It is less easy to fake, which contributes to its perceived honesty.

Functions:

Reinforcing: Nonverbal cues can reinforce verbal messages (e.g.,

gestures that complement speech).

Substituting: It can substitute for verbal communication when

language barriers exist.

Contradicting: It can contradict verbal messages, leading to mixed

signals and confusion.

Influence and Deception:

Nonverbal communication can be used to influence others,

including through deception (concealing or exaggerating
information).

Effective deception often involves controlling nonverbal cues to

appear more convincing.

Regulating Conversational Flow:

Nonverbal cues help regulate conversational turns and maintain

smooth interactions (e.g., pitch variations signaling questions or
end of a turn).

Relationship Impact:

Nonverbal communication affects relationships by conveying

intimacy (e.g., tie signs like hand-holding) and immediacy behaviors

Interpersonal Comm 67
 (e.g., eye contact, smiling) that foster connection.

It plays a key role in expressing emotions and forming relationships.

Identity Expression:

Nonverbal communication expresses our identities through physical

appearance, artifacts (clothing, jewelry), and personal presentation.

These cues convey aspects of who we are and can reflect group
affiliations, cultural backgrounds, and personal interests.

kinesics:

the study of hand, arm, body, and face movements

INCLUDES: gestures, head movements, posture, eye contact and

facial expressions

gestures:
types:
adaptors:

movements indicating internal states like anxiety or arousal.

includes self-touching behaviors, object interaction

Ex. clicking pens, fidgeting, grooming others

emblems:

gestures with specific agreed-upon meanings, not part of formal

sign systems such as ASL

Ex. hitchhikers thumb, ok sign, raised middle finger

Examples and origins:

adaptors in public speaking:
(self adaptors)

playing with hair/scratching

(object adaptors)

playing with pens/phones

Interpersonal Comm 68
 emblems:
can be still or in motion

Ex. okay sign

circling finger to indicate crazy

rolling hands to say move on

historical origin of emblems:

the v gesture as an insult in Britain originates from archers showing
they still had their shooting fingers, a gesture dating back to when
fingers were cut off as a form of insult

illustrators:

gestures used to illustrate or emphasize verbal messages

do not have standalone meanings; used subconsciously and vary in

intensity and frequency based on context

Ex. hand gestures indicating the size or shape of an object

common even in phone convos where the other person

cannot see the gestures

Head movements and posture

head movements:

nods: universal sign of acknowledgement, similar to an abbreviated

bow

headshake: signals no, a biologically based movement observed

from birth

interest indicators:

head up (engaged, neutral)

head tilt (interest/submission)

head down (negative/aggressive)

Interpersonal Comm 69
 posture

types:

standing

hands on hips (assertiveness)

elbows out (dominance/action readiness

sitting

leaning back (informality/indifference)

straddling chair (dominance/insecurity)

leaning forward (interest/attentiveness)

eye contact
oculesics:
study of the eye behaviors
(from Latin “oculus” meaning “eye”)
functions
regulate interactions
signals when to speak or cue others to speak
monitor communication
adjusts based on feedback from the audience
express cognitive activity
looking away when processing information
establish rapport
indicates attention and interest, facilitates connection
intimidation/flirtation
varies based on context and social norms
pupil dilation
expansion and contraction of pupils, influenced by lighting, arousal,
anxiety, and information processing

Interpersonal Comm 70
 uses:
indicates arousal, attractiveness, and preferences
subtly perceived and affects impressions and communication.
Ex. romantic ambiance created by softer lighting leads to pupil
dilation

facial expressions
significance:
faces are highly expressive and convey a lot of meaning. basic facial
expressions are universially recognizable
core expressions:
happiness
sadness
fear
anger
disgust
all are the primary facial expressions identified across cultures
cultural variation
while the expressions themselves are universal, the triggers and
social norms influencing their display vary across cultures
emotional display
babies show innate expressions of joy and surprise, but as people
age, they learn to display rules for emotions and regulate their
expressions based on cultural norms
smiles
types of smiles
Social smiles
often made for social purposes rather than as a reflection of
internal emotions

Interpersonal Comm 71
 slightly different from genuine smiles
genuine smiles
involves the involuntary contraction of eye muscles, which cannot
be easily faked
recognized by the movement of muscles around the eyes,
cheeks, and nose
perception
genuine smiles are perceived as more authentic
photographers often use humor or props to elicit genuine smiles for
better photographs
facial expressions in public speaking
facial expressions set the emotional tone for a speech and can influence
the audience perception of the speaker’s friendliness, openness and
confidence
effectiveness:
positive tone
start with a smile to convey friendliness and confidence
emotion communication
facial expressions should match the content of the speech
for example, use a smile and bright eyes for light-hearted content,
and a furrowed brow and tight mouth for serious topics
consistency
ensure that facial expressions align with the verbal message to avoid
confusion and maintain credibility
inconsistent expressions can lead to doubts about honesty and
effectiveness

haptics
haptics is the study of communication through touch.
this can be comforting or threatening, depending on the context

Interpersonal Comm 72
 importance:
touch is vital for social development and can be welcoming,
threatening, or persuasive. It has been shown to positively impact
perceptions and interactions, such as receiving better evaluations in
service contexts or increased tips.
Types of Touch:

1. Functional-Professional Touch: Used for achieving a goal or

part of a routine interaction. Examples include medical
professionals, hairstylists, and security screeners. This touch is
expected and less likely to be perceived as intimate or
inappropriate in a professional context.

2. Social-Polite Touch: Used to initiate interactions and show

respect. Examples include handshakes, pats on the arm, and
shoulder pats. These touches are more socially accepted and
help in initial impression formation.

3. Friendship-Warmth Touch: Communicates closeness, liking, and

care among friends. It varies from formal to intimate and requires
negotiation of comfort levels between individuals.

4. Love-Intimacy Touch: Reserved for significant others, such as

close friends, family, and romantic partners. Includes holding
hands, hugging, and touching faces. This type of touch
enhances intimacy but is not necessarily sexual.

5. Sexual-Arousal Touch: The most intimate form of touch,

intended to physically stimulate the other person.

Contexts and Behaviors:

Play and Conflict: Touch is used in activities like arm wrestling or

physical conflict such as slapping.

Accidental Touch: Even unintentional touch, like bumping into

someone, can send messages.

Initial Interactions (e.g., First Dates): Quick, fleeting touches

can indicate interest. Examples include a pat on the back or light

Interpersonal Comm 73
 touches on the arm. Such touches are often reciprocal, with the
receiver mirroring the touch if they are comfortable. If one
person is not interested, they might respond nonverbally by
avoiding further touch or showing discomfort.
Implications: The use and interpretation of touch can vary based on
context, relationship, and social norms. Effective use of touch requires
understanding its implications and adjusting based on the situation and
individual preferences.

Hugging Behavior

Hug Types:

Crisscross Hug: Common among friends, romantic partners, and

family, where arms are positioned above or below each other's
arms.

Neck-Waist Hug: Involves one person’s arms around the other's

neck and the other’s arms around the waist, often seen in intimate
relationships.

Engulfing Hug: A bear hug where one person wraps their arms
completely around the other, typically seen with excitement.

Shake-First-Then-Tap Hug: Involves a modified handshake

followed by a hug with a single tap on the back, common among
men.

Back-Slap Hug: Includes a hug with one or both people slapping

each other’s back, often with varying force.

Hugging in Different Cultures:

Obligatory Hugs: Hugs that are done out of obligation rather than
genuine emotion can convey feelings like anger or annoyance if
they are limp or weak.

Airport Pat-Downs: Privacy and Touch

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 Increased Security Measures: Post-9/11, security screenings at
airports have become more rigorous, including body scanners and
enhanced pat-downs.

Enhanced Pat-Downs: Involves more invasive touching, including

around breasts and genitals, which has led to public backlash and
debates over privacy and legality.

Legal and Ethical Concerns: There are discussions about the need
for probable cause in pat-downs and the effectiveness of targeted
versus random screenings.

Discussion Questions:

1. Limits on Touch in Screening: What limits should be in place for touch

during airport screenings?

2. Justification of Actions: Is the act of a passenger groping a TSA agent

to demonstrate their treatment justified?

3. Targeted Screening vs. Random Screening: Is targeted screening

better than random screening, and could it lead to unethical racial
profiling?

Vocalics

Definition: The study of paralanguage, which includes vocal qualities

such as pitch, volume, rate, tone, and verbal fillers.

Functions of Vocalics:

Repetition: Reinforces verbal and nonverbal cues (e.g., an

uncertain tone with “I’m not sure”).

Complementing: Elaborates on verbal and nonverbal meaning

(e.g., pitch and volume modifying “I love sweet potatoes”).

Accenting: Emphasizes parts of a message (e.g., different

emphases in “She is my friend”).

Substituting: Replaces other cues (e.g., “uh huh” instead of a full

response).

Interpersonal Comm 75
 Regulating: Manages conversational flow (e.g., falling pitch
indicating end of a speaking turn).

Contradicting: Conflicts with other signals (e.g., saying “I’m fine”

with a tone that suggests otherwise).

Pitch, Volume, Rate, and Tone:

Pitch: Conveys meaning, regulates conversation, and

communicates intensity.

Volume: Indicates intensity and adjusts based on context and

relationship.

Rate: Affects impressions of emotional state, credibility, and

intelligence.

Tone: Conveys vocal quality and can influence perceptions of

pleasantness or unpleasantness.

Verbal Fillers: Sounds like “um,” “uh,” and “like” help maintain
conversation flow but can hurt credibility in formal settings.

Proxemics
Proxemics is the study of how space and distance affect communication. It
explores how the physical space around us influences our interactions and
relationships.

Space and Communication

Metaphors: Common metaphors reflect how space and

relationships are intertwined. For example, being “close” to
someone suggests emotional closeness, while being “distant”
indicates a lack of connection.

Personal Space: Personal space varies based on cultural

norms and individual preferences. Unexpected breaches can
lead to discomfort, especially if someone intrudes voluntarily
rather than due to crowding.

Crowding: High-density environments, like crowded concerts

or public transportation, require communicative adjustments.

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 Excessive crowding can lead to negative behaviors, sometimes
described as “mob mentality.”

Proxemic Distances
Proxemics categorizes personal space into four zones:

1. Public Distance: This is the farthest zone, used for public speaking
or interactions where there is no personal connection. People are
usually more distant in this zone.

2. Social Distance: Common in social interactions, such as at parties

or business meetings, where individuals maintain a moderate
distance.

3. Personal Distance: Reserved for interactions with friends and

family, where people are closer but still maintain a degree of
personal space.

4. Intimate Distance: The closest zone, used for interactions with

close loved ones, involving physical closeness and personal touch.

Note: The zones are more elliptical, with greater space in front where
people can see and monitor interactions. Interactions can differ depending
on whether someone is in the outer or inner part of these zones.

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 Proxemics and Territoriality
Proxemics: Zones of Personal Space

1. Public Space (12 Feet or More)

Characteristics: This is the farthest zone from a person,

starting around twelve feet away. It's used for formal
interactions, such as speeches or when maintaining a distance
from high-profile individuals for safety or status reasons.

Communication: This zone makes intimate or personal

communication challenging. Interactions here are typically
formal and less personal, often requiring louder speech due to
the distance.

1. Social Space (4–12 Feet)

Characteristics: Ranges from four to twelve feet away. This

distance is common in professional and casual settings. It
provides a comfortable buffer and reduces the perception
of impropriety.

Communication: Conversations in this zone are

professional or casual, with more interaction happening as
one moves closer to the six-foot mark. In classrooms, being
within this zone can enhance engagement and connection
with others.

2. Personal Space (1.5–4 Feet)

Characteristics: This zone extends from 1.5 to 4 feet away

from the body. It’s used for interactions with friends, close
acquaintances, and significant others.

Communication: Includes two subzones:

Outer-Personal Zone (2.5 to 4 Feet): Suitable for

private conversations that are not overly intimate.
Common in professional settings.

Inner-Personal Zone (1.5 to 2.5 Feet): Reserved for

close relationships where light physical touch is

Interpersonal Comm 78
 common, facilitating deeper communication and
connection.

3. Intimate Space (0–1.5 Feet)

Characteristics: The closest zone, used for interactions

with close friends, family, and romantic partners.

Communication: This space involves physical closeness

and touch, providing comfort and emotional support.
Breaching this space can be either comforting or intrusive,
depending on context and individual comfort levels.

Territoriality

1. Primary Territories

Characteristics: Spaces that are officially ours, such as a

personal home, desk, or bed. These are marked or
understood to be under our control and are exclusive.

2. Secondary Territories

Characteristics: Spaces that are not exclusively ours but

are associated with us. These are often used in familiar
settings, like a regular seat in a classroom or office. We
expect these spaces to be available to us, leading to
annoyance if someone else occupies them.

3. Public Territories

Characteristics: Open spaces accessible to everyone, such

as parks or public seating areas. People use markers like
bags or personal items to temporarily reserve these spaces,
but the markers are often ambiguous and may lead to
disputes.

Chronemics: The Role of Time in Communication

Categories of Time

1. Biological Time

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 Definition: Refers to the natural rhythms of living organisms,
including humans’ circadian rhythms which dictate daily cycles
of sleep, wakefulness, and other bodily functions.

Impact on Communication: Disruptions to biological time, such

as jet lag or irregular sleep patterns, can affect communication
effectiveness. Early morning interactions may require extra
preparation to overcome grogginess and ensure effective
communication.

1. Personal Time

Definition: The subjective experience of time based on

individual mood, interest, and orientation (past or future).

Impact on Communication: Time perception can vary

widely; engaging tasks may make time feel like it passes
quickly, while less engaging activities may drag on. Future-
oriented individuals may focus on planning and goal-setting,
while past-oriented individuals may prioritize reminiscence
and memory preservation.

2. Physical Time

Definition: Fixed cycles such as days, seasons, and years.

Impact on Communication: Seasonal changes can affect

mood and psychological states. For instance, some people
experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which can
influence their emotional responses and communication
during different times of the year.

3. Cultural Time

Definition: How different cultures perceive and use time.

Cultures can be categorized as either polychronic (flexible,
multitasking) or monochronic (linear, scheduled).

Impact on Communication: Polychronic cultures may

engage in multiple activities simultaneously and keep
flexible schedules, while monochronic cultures value
punctuality and a more rigid time structure. These

Interpersonal Comm 80
 orientations can affect how people interact and perceive
time-related behaviors.

Summary
Chronemics and personal presentation both play crucial roles in
communication by influencing how time and physical appearance impact
our interactions with others. Understanding these aspects helps navigate
social dynamics more effectively and tailor communication to suit different
contexts and relationships.

Personal Presentation and Environment

1. Personal Presentation

Physical Characteristics: Includes body shape, height, weight, and

attractiveness. These traits contribute significantly to initial
impressions, despite their limited controllability.

Artifacts: Clothing, jewelry, and personal style send nonverbal

cues about identity and social status. Changes in personal
presentation can influence how others perceive us. For example,
switching from casual to business-casual attire can signal a shift in
role or status.

Examples:

Clothing: A retro thrift store look or business-casual attire can

impact how others view and interact with you.

Jewelry and Body Art: Visible tattoos, piercings, and specific

types of jewelry convey messages about personal beliefs,
affiliations, or social causes.

2. Environment

Impact on Communication: The physical space where interactions

occur can influence communication dynamics. The arrangement of
furniture, decor, and even the presence of certain objects can
create an atmosphere that is formal, friendly, or intimate.

Examples:

Interpersonal Comm 81
 Formal Settings: Expensive cars and watches can signal status
and dominance.

Comfortable Spaces: Soft lighting and cozy furniture can foster

a more relaxed and intimate interaction, such as in a therapy
session.

Manipulation of Space: Changing the environment, such as

rearranging furniture or adjusting lighting, can alter the
communicative tone and perception of interactions.

Avatars and Their Impact

Description of Avatars

Avatars are digital representations used in online environments to interact

with users. They can range from simple images like buddy icons to
complex 3-D holograms. These avatars can represent humans, animals,
mythical creatures, or even abstract entities.

Research Insights:

Functionality and Influence: Avatars, regardless of their

sophistication, can influence behavior and motivation. Research
shows that avatars similar to a user or representing their ideal self
are more effective. For example, seeing an avatar that looks like
oneself performing positive actions (like exercising) can encourage
similar behaviors in the real world.

Personal Identification: Users often project their identity onto

avatars, and choices about avatars’ appearance reflect personal
preferences and self-perception. Attractive or cool avatars can
influence users' behavior and social interactions, mirroring real-life
nonverbal communication patterns.

Example Avatar Creation:

If I were to create an avatar for myself, I would likely choose a design that
reflects my personal style and interests. For instance, I might opt for an
avatar with casual yet trendy clothing and a friendly expression. This
choice would be influenced by my desire to project a relaxed and
approachable image, similar to how I aim to present myself in real life. The

Interpersonal Comm 82
 avatar’s appearance would serve as a reflection of my typical nonverbal
self-presentation, like my preference for casual attire and a positive
demeanor.

Questions and Considerations:

1. Human-Avatar Boundaries:

The boundary between human reality and avatar fantasy may

indeed blur as technology advances. As avatars become more
integrated into daily life, including in customer service roles and
personal interactions, their impact on our perception of reality
may deepen.

2. Avatars in Customer Service:

Interacting with avatars in customer service scenarios, such as

airport information kiosks, can provide a novel experience.
While avatars can offer a level of convenience and efficiency,
they might lack the empathetic touch of human interaction. The
effectiveness of avatars in these roles depends on their design
and functionality.

3. Avatars as Mentors and Teachers:

Avatars could serve as mentors, role models, or teachers,

especially if they are designed to be engaging and relatable.
Their effectiveness would depend on their ability to connect
with users and deliver meaningful content or guidance.

Key Takeaways
1. Kinesics: Involves body movements and posture, including gestures, head
movements, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, and touch behaviors.
These nonverbal cues are essential in communicating messages and
emotions.

2. Vocalics: Includes aspects like speaking rate, pitch, volume, tone, and
vocal quality. These features emphasize and reinforce verbal
communication.

Interpersonal Comm 83
 3. Proxemics: Studies the use of space and distance in communication,
including personal and social space zones.

4. Chronemics: Focuses on how time affects communication, including

cultural perspectives on time and personal orientation (past vs. future).

5. Personal Presentation and Environment: Considers how physical

appearance and environmental factors influence communication and
perception.

Exercises
1. Eye Contact in Daily Communication:

Examples:

In Conversations: Maintaining eye contact can indicate

engagement and interest.

During Presentations: Eye contact with the audience helps

establish connection and authority.

In Meetings: Eye contact can signal attentiveness and respect for

others' contributions.

2. Vocalics Emphasis:

“She is my friend.” (Emphasis on "She"): Suggests that the focus is on

the identity of the friend rather than the friendship itself.

“She is my friend.” (Emphasis on "is"): Implies a definitive statement of

friendship, possibly contrasting with other relationships.

“She is my friend.” (Emphasis on "friend"): Highlights the nature of the

relationship, emphasizing that it is friendship, not another type of
relationship.

3. Chronemics in Different Settings:

Academic Settings: Punctuality in class and meeting deadlines for

assignments reflect time management and respect for others’ time.

Professional Settings: Adherence to schedules for meetings and

project deadlines demonstrates professionalism and reliability.

Interpersonal Comm 84
 Personal Settings: Timeliness in social gatherings or events can
indicate respect and consideration for others’ time.
deception
1. theory overview

a. IDT explains how deceptive messages are constructed and interpreted

in interpersonal settings. it emphasizes deception as a communicative
activity, involving sender-receiver interactions, and is based on
assumptions and propositions that are empirically testable

2. scope

a. the theory applies to interpersonal deception, excluding unintentional

misinformation, nonhuman deception, and non-interactive forms of
deception

3. key assumptions

a. communication is an interdependent activity where both sender and

receiver actively shape the interaction

b. deception and its detection are often goal drivel and strategic

c. receivers are not passive, they use strategies to evaluate truthfulness

d. deception is a dynamic activity where behavior adapts based on

interaction and feedback

4. strategic and nonstrategic behavior

a. strategic behavior

i. managing impressions, controlling information and monitoring

nonverbal cues

b. nonstrategic behavior

i. less controlled signs of deceit, such as nervousness or cognitive

load indicators, that might inadvertently reveal deception

5. propositions

a. contextual factors, like the medium of communication, affect sender

and receiver behavior

Interpersonal Comm 85
 b. familiarity between interactants can affect deception; familiar receivers
may detect deception more easily

c. deceiver’s fear of detection increases if the receiver is skilled or familiar

with their behaviors

d. motivation to deceive strategically is influenced by sender’s skill,

receiver's expectations and relational factors

6. detection

a. detection accuracy increases with deviations from the expected

communication patterns and with familiarity or knowledge of the
sender

b. receiver’s suspicion can lead to changes in their behavior, which can, in

turn, prompt deceivers to adjust their strategies

7. adaptation over time

a. deception is a dynamic process, with sender and receiver behaviors

evolving throughout the interaction. deceivers often mirror the
receivers behavior to evade deception, and suspicion or truth biases
may change over time

8. critiques

a. some criticism focus on the theory's lack of a single explanatory

mechanism and debate over whether deception should be viewed as a
form of persuasion. despite critiques, the theory has expanded to
include human-computer interactions.
gender
Gender spectrum
gender spectrum vs gender binary
the gender spectrum recognizes that gender exists along a continuum
rather than as two distinct categories
gender binary is the belief in strictly male and female categories without
overlap, which is scientifically inaccurate
biology of sex

Interpersonal Comm 86
 sex characteristics (chromosomes, genitalia, etc) are bimodal, but not
binary, with common patterns associated with “male” and “female” but
overlapping ranges
chromosomes show diversity beyond XX and XY, with 16+ naturally
occurring variations (turner syndrome, Klinefelter syndrome, etc)
intersex individuals
intersex people are born with variations in sex characteristics
(chromosomes, hormones, etc) and constitute about 1.7% of the
population
binary labels at birth are often inaccurate, as sex characteristics exist on
a spectrum

distinction between sex and gender

sex refers to the biological difference (reproductive organs) while
gender refers to societal and personal identity
western culture often views sex as strictly biological and gender as
social, but this division is more fluid in other cultures
sex and gender in animals
gender diversity is found across species. examples include seahorses,
where males carry pregnancies, and spotted hyenas, where females
have pseudo-penises and dominate males
brain structure and gender identity
research shows that brain patterns in transgender adolescents align
more closely with their gender identity than their sex assigned at birth,
supporting the biological diversity of gender identity
challenges with binary identification
assigning sex based on external genitalia alone is an oversimplified
practice that doesn’t account for other biological markers like gonads,
chromosomes, and brain structure

understanding gender

Interpersonal Comm 87
 Gender is a spectrum and not limited to the gender binary of
man/woman. [1-3]

Gender literacy is important for children to understand their own

gender, engage in healthy relationships, understand media and social
messaging, and have agency in determining aspects of their gender.
[4]

Sex and gender are not the same. Sex is assigned at birth based on
genitals, while gender is a complex interrelationship between body,
identity, and social gender. [5]

Body: Refers to a person’s physical body and how society genders

bodies. [6]

The binary view of sex as solely male or female is simplistic and fails to
capture the complexity of sex. [7]

Intersex traits demonstrate that sex exists across a continuum. [8]

Research suggests that brains play a key role in how people experience
their gender. [8]

Identity: A person’s internal sense of self in terms of gender, which can

fall into binary, non-binary, or ungendered categories. [6, 9]

Gender identity is not a choice and cannot be changed. [3]

The language used to communicate gender identity may evolve over

time. [3]

The gender binary is the idea that there are only two genders. [3]

Many societies throughout history have viewed gender as a spectrum.

[3]

There is a growing vocabulary for gender among youth and young

adults, representing a more nuanced understanding of gender. [10]

Social gender: How a person presents their gender to the world and
how society perceives, interacts with, and attempts to shape their
gender. [11, 12]

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 Includes gender roles and expectations, and how society uses them to
enforce conformity to gender norms. [11, 12]

Almost everything is assigned a gender, which is taught to children

from birth. [12]

Children face pressure to express their gender within narrow,

stereotypical definitions of “boy” or “girl”. [12]

Gender expression is distinct from gender identity. [13]

It is important to not make assumptions about a person’s gender

identity based on their gender expression. [13]

Norms around gender change across societies and over time. [14]

Cultures around the world have long held more nuanced

understandings of gender. [14]

Gender congruence is the feeling of harmony in one’s gender,

including experiencing comfort in one's body, having a gender identity
that corresponds with one’s internal sense of self, expressing oneself
authentically, and being seen consistently by others as one sees
oneself. [15]

Pursuing congruence measures:

Rather than transitioning, a more apt phrase is “pursuing congruence

measures.” [16]

This can involve social, hormonal, surgical, and/or legal changes to

achieve harmony in one's gender. [16-18]

Honoring a person's requested name and pronouns change is

important to show respect and support. [18]

Gender is personal and is informed by a person’s unique intersection

of identities, experiences, and personal characteristics. [19]

Gender is different from sexual orientation. Gender is personal (how

we see ourselves), while sexual orientation is interpersonal (who we
are physically, emotionally and/or romantically attracted to). [20]

Interpersonal Comm 89
 It is important to distinguish between these two concepts to avoid
making assumptions about a young person. [20]

Confusing gender with sexual orientation can interfere with a young

person's ability to understand their own gender. [21]

There is a generational divide in how people think about gender. [22]

Greater acceptance of gender diversity can create more inclusion and

space for all individuals to fully explore and express themselves. [23]

2] Gender, on the other hand, is a more complex concept that goes beyond
the assignment of sex at birth. [1]
The author defines gender as the interrelationship between three
dimensions: body, identity, and social gender. [1, 3]

Body: This dimension encompasses a person's physical body, how

society genders bodies, and how others interact with a person based
on their body. [4]

Identity: This is an individual's internal sense of self in terms of gender,

which can correspond to or differ from the sex they were assigned at
birth. [4, 5]

Social gender: This dimension encompasses how a person presents

their gender to the world and how society perceives, interacts with, and
attempts to shape their gender. This includes gender roles and
expectations, and how society enforces conformity to gender norms.
[3, 6]

Essentially, the author suggests that sex is primarily viewed as a biological

concept assigned at birth, while gender is a multifaceted and evolving
social construct that is influenced by both internal and external factors.
The sources explain that society genders bodies in numerous ways. While
the biological categories of male and female are more complex than many
people realize, society still largely views sex and gender as a binary. This
leads to the gendering of bodies based on cultural expectations of
masculinity and femininity. [1-3]
Here are some of the ways this manifests:

Interpersonal Comm 90
 Equating certain physical attributes with masculinity and femininity.
For example, society often associates physical strength and
muscularity with masculinity, while associating gracefulness and
slenderness with femininity. [3] This can lead to individuals feeling
pressure to conform to these expectations, even if they do not feel
comfortable or authentic in doing so.

Labeling individuals as more or less of a man or woman based on the

degree to which they possess these attributes. For example, a woman
who is muscular may be perceived as less feminine, while a man who is
slender may be perceived as less masculine. [3] This can result in
individuals being stereotyped and judged based on their appearance.

Influencing how individuals feel about themselves and how others

perceive and interact with them. If individuals do not conform to
societal expectations for their assigned gender, they may face
discrimination, prejudice, and even violence. [3, 4] This can have a
negative impact on their self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-
being.

Ultimately, the sources emphasize that gender is a social construct that is

imposed on bodies, rather than being an inherent quality of the body itself.
[3]

common myths about gender

●Myth: Children are too young to know their gender. The sources
emphasize that an understanding of gender emerges early in life. The
American Academy of Pediatrics states that most children have a stable
sense of their gender identity by age four1. This aspect of identity is
inherent and develops naturally, just as it does for cisgender children.
Challenging this myth requires acknowledging that transgender and
nonbinary children possess the same capacity for self-understanding as
their cisgender peers.
●Myth: We shouldn't talk to young children about gender diversity. The
sources argue that avoiding conversations about gender diversity is
counterproductive. Children are constantly exposed to messages and
stereotypes about gender through various channels, including adults,

Interpersonal Comm 91
 peers, media, and marketing2. These messages often confine children to
rigid gender roles, hindering their full potential. Research highlights the
early influence of gender stereotypes, showing that by age six, girls may
already be internalizing societal expectations regarding intelligence and
career choices2. Engaging in open and honest conversations about gender
diversity helps counteract harmful stereotypes and fosters a more inclusive
environment for all children.
●Myth: A person is only transgender if they declare it at a very young
age. The sources acknowledge that while some transgender individuals
recognize their gender identity early on, many others have a longer journey
of self-discovery3. Understanding one's gender identity can be a complex
process that may extend into adolescence, adulthood, or even later in life.
Factors such as limited vocabulary, lack of role models, stigma, and fear of
rejection can contribute to delays in self-identification and disclosure3.
●Myth: There are only two genders. This myth, rooted in the concept of
the "gender binary," limits gender to the categories of boy/man and
girl/woman4. The sources challenge this notion, asserting that gender is a
spectrum encompassing a wide range of identities beyond the binary5.
Nonbinary individuals may identify as both, neither, or as another gender
entirely. Agender individuals do not identify with any gender. Recognizing
the diversity of gender identities beyond the binary is crucial for fostering
inclusivity and understanding.
●Myth: Many transgender children “change their mind” about their
gender. The sources address this myth by highlighting the distinction
between gender identity and gender expression. Gender identity refers to
one's internal sense of self, while gender expression encompasses the
external ways in which gender is communicated5. It's important to note
that not all children who express themselves in gender-expansive ways
identify as transgender. The sources emphasize that transgender children
exhibit the same level of certainty in their gender identity as other
children5. While rare, changes in identity can occur for anyone, regardless
of their gender identity. Affirming individuals in their gender is crucial for
their well-being, even if their identity evolves over time6.

Interpersonal Comm 92
 ●Myth: Being transgender or nonbinary is a sign of mental illness. The
sources unequivocally state that being transgender or nonbinary is not a
mental illness78. While some gender-diverse individuals may experience
gender dysphoria, this refers to the distress arising from a disconnect
between one's gender identity and assigned sex8. It's essential to
recognize that mental health challenges experienced by transgender and
nonbinary youth are often linked to minority stress factors such as
harassment, discrimination, and lack of support8. When provided with
affirmation and support, gender-diverse youth demonstrate similar mental
health profiles to their cisgender peers8.
●Myth: Transgender and nonbinary people are doomed to live unhappy
lives. While acknowledging the elevated risks faced by transgender and
nonbinary individuals, including higher rates of suicide, self-harm, and
mental health issues, the sources counter this myth by emphasizing the
resilience and potential for happiness within this community9. The
presence of supportive families and affirming environments significantly
contributes to the well-being of gender-diverse individuals9. Transgender
and nonbinary people can and do find love, build fulfilling lives, and
experience joy, just like anyone else.

language of gender

1. agender

a. someone who sees themselves as not having a gender. some

agender-identified people see themsleves as being gender neutral,
rather than not having any gender, but in any case do not identify
with a gender

2. cisgender

a. refers to people whose gender identity aligns with their sex at birth
(cis- from latin, meaing, on this side of. in contrast to trans, from the
latin root meaning across, beyond, or on the opposite of)

3. congruence

a. gender congruence is the feeling of harmony in our gender

4. dimensions of gender

Interpersonal Comm 93
 a. our body, identity and social gender (how we present our gender in
the world and how individuals, society, culture and communicty
percieve, interact with, and try to shape our gender) are three
distinct, but interrelated, components that comprise a person’s
experience of gender. each of these dimensions can vary greatly
across a range of possibilities. a persons comfort in their gender is
related to the degree to which these three dimensions feel in
congruence

5. FtM

a. female who identifies as male

6. gender binary

a. a system that constricts gender according to two discrete and

opposite categories: boy/man, girl/woman. it is important to
recognize that both cisgender and transgender people can have a
gender identity that is binary

7. gender dysphoria

a. not feeling comfortable in one’s body

8. gender expansive

a. an umbrella term used for individuals who broaden their own

culture’s commonly held definitions of gender, including
expectations for its expression, identities, roles and or other
percieved gender norms

9. gender fluid

a. people who experience gender or genders that change. genderfluid

people move between genders, experiencing their gender as
something dynamic and changing, rather than static

10. gender identity

a. our deeply held, internal sense of self as masculine, feminine, a

blend of both, neither, or something else. identity also includes the
name we use to convey our gender. gender identity can correspond
to, or differ from the sex we were assigned to at birth. the language

Interpersonal Comm 94
 a person uses to communicate their gender identity can evolve and
shift over time, especially as someone gains access to a broader
gender vocab

11. gender literacy

a. the ability to participate knowledgeably in discussions of gender

and gender-related topics. gender literacy is not about expertise so
much it is about a stance of openness to the complexity of gender
and the idea that each person determines for themself their own
identity

12. gender role

a. the set of functions, activitites, and behaviors commonly expected

of boys/men and girls/women from society

13. gender queer

a. an umbrella term to describe someone who doesn’t identify with

the conventional gender identities, rules, expressions, and/or
expectations. for some, genderqueer is a non-binary identification.
for others it is not

14. intersex

a. also reffered to as disorders/differences of sexual development.

about 1% of children are born with chromosomes, hormones and
genetaila and/or other sex characteristics that are not exclusively
male or female as defined by the medial estabishment in our
society. in most cases, these children are at no medial risk, but
most are assigned a binary sex identity by their doctors and/or
families.

15. MtF

a. male who identifies as female

16. nonbinary

a. unbrealla term for gender identities that are not exclusively

masculine or feminine

Interpersonal Comm 95
 17. sex

a. used to label a person as male or female (some us states and other

contries offer a third option) at birth, this term refers to a persons
external genitalia and internal reproductive organs. when a person
is assigned a particular sex at birth, it is often mistakenly assumed
that this will equate with their gender; it might, but it also might not

18. sexual orintation

a. our sexual orintetion and our gender is seperate, though related,

parts of our ovarall identity. gender is personal (how we see
ourselves) while sexual orintation is interpersonal (who we are
physcially, emotionally, and/or who are romantially attacted to)

19. transboy

a. a child who was assigned female at birth and has a boy gender
identity

20. transgender

a. sometimes this term is used broadly as an umbrella term to

describe anyone whose gender identity differs from their assigned
sex. it can also be used more narrowly as a gender identity that
reflects a binary gender identity that is “opposite” or “across from”
the sex they were assigned at birth

21. transgirl

a. a child who was assigned a male sex birth and has a girl gender
identity

22. transition

a. a term commonly used to refer to the steps a transgender, agender,

or non-binary person takes in order to find congruence in their
gender. but this term can be misleading as it implies that the
person’s gender identity is changing and that there is a moment in
time where this takes place. more typically, it is others’
understanding of the person’s gender that shifts. what people see
as a “transition” is actually an alignment in one or more dimensions

Interpersonal Comm 96
 of the person’s gender as they seek congruence across those
dimensions. a transition is taking place, but it is often other people
(parents and other family members, support perfessionals,
employers, etc) who are transition in how they see the individuals
gender, and not the person themselves. for the person, these
changes are often less of a transition and more of an evolution.
instean of transitioning, a more apt phrase is “pursuing congruence
measures.” a peroson can seek harmony in many ways

i. social conguence

1. changes in social identifies such as clothing, hairstyle,

gender identity, name and/or pronouns

ii. hormonal congruence

1. the use of medical approaches such as hormone blockers

or hormone therapy to promote physical, mental, and/or
emotional alignment

iii. surgical congruence

1. the addition, removal, or modification of gender related

physical traits

iv. legal congruence

1. changing identification documents such as one’s birth

certificate, driver’s license, or passport

b. it is important to note, though, that a transition experience can be a

very significant event in a person’s life. a public declaration of some
kind where an indicidual communicates to others that aspects of
themselves are different that others assumed, they are noe living
consistently with who they know themselves to be, can be an
empowering and liberating experience (and moving to those get to
share that moment with them)

23. transphobia

a. fear, dislike of, and/or prejudice against transgender people

24. transsexual

Interpersonal Comm 97
 a. this term is used in different ways in english-seaking countries. in
the us, it is considered an older term that originated in the medical
and psycological communities and is considered offensive by many
people. still used by some people who have permanently changed,
or seek to change, their bodies through medical intervention,
including but not limited to hormones and surgeries. unlike the term
transgenger, transsexual is not such an umbrella term. many
transgender peonple do not identify as transsexual and prefer the
word transgender.
social media
Social media has a significant impact on interpersonal communication.
Instead of treating social media as a separate entity, it is important to
understand its characteristics and how it influences communication.

Communication on social media can be asynchronous or synchronous.

Asynchronous communication occurs when the sender and receiver

are not engaged in communication at the same time. Examples include
email, texting, social media posts, and discussion boards.

Synchronous communication happens in real time, with both parties

present and able to respond immediately. Examples include face-to-
face interaction, video chat, and chatrooms.

Historically, texting was one of the earliest technologies that facilitated

real-time communication.

Media richness refers to the amount of information that can be conveyed

through communication. Face-to-face communication is richer than print
media because it includes nonverbal cues.

Digital permanence means that messages on social media are

permanent. Even deleted messages can be saved or captured in
screenshots. While this can have negative consequences, it can also be
positive in situations where there is a need for proof of communication.

Hyperpersonal interactions occur online and can be more intense than

face-to-face interactions. People may share more personal information

Interpersonal Comm 98
 online than they would in person. Social media allows individuals to refine
their messages and present a specific image.

Disinhibition is another aspect of online communication, where people

may say things they would not say in person. Trolls are an example of
disinhibition.

Netiquette refers to the rules and norms of online communication. It is

important to be aware of the different netiquette expectations in different
contexts, such as professional versus social settings.

Examples of professional netiquette for emails are provided.

Netiquette involves understanding and respecting the rules and

norms of different social media platforms.

It emphasizes politeness and respect in online interactions.

Netiquette can vary depending on whether communication is one-

on-one or one-to-many.

Netiquette also varies across different technologies. For example,

behavior that is acceptable on a gaming platform may not be
appropriate in a video conference
relationships with family members
Your close family is going to fall under the involuntary personal, right? So like,
you're probably the people that you spend a lot of time with your siblings.
Distant family, like if you have distant cousins and stuff, that might be more
involuntary.
If you're friendly with them, but you don't really go to them or talk to them. So,
what we're going to do today is we're going to go fairly quickly just through
some of the foundational stuff of families. And then what I'm gonna have y'all
do is kind of help lead our discussion in terms of what we want to talk about.

So, as we're talking about these things, I want you to think about any question,
any one question you might have about... Families and social communication
within families, and we'll be discussing some of those here in a bit. So, the first
thing we've got to do in order to understand family is define family, because
you hear the word used a lot and there's a lot of different family structures.

Interpersonal Comm 99
 And the thing to keep in mind with family is that it is not a requirement that you
be related by blood or by marriage or by any other legal means. There's a lot of
different configurations. A family is going to be a network of people, and this is
going to differentiate it from our other kinds of relationships, like romantic
relationships.
We're not dealing with a large network. Families are a network of people. And
they are a network of people who, one, share their lives over long periods of
time. a shared history together, right? Shared past, present, future. So if you
look at a family, you can probably talk about the history of that family.
People grow up, people doing a few generations back. But you share your lives
over long periods of time.
Divorce and so forth. They are bound by sometimes marriage, sometimes
blood, but commitment's really the biggest thing because there might be
people that you are blood related to who you don't consider family. And there
may be people who you're not blood-related to that you do.
So the commitment thing is really the biggest thing that's going to define it. You
are very committed to each other. The emotional bonds of family are very
deep. They're much harder to break than other kinds of relationships.
Friendship, we'll talk about on Thursday, but friendship kind of, you know,
whacks and wanes throughout our lives, but family, those bonds tend to stay
pretty solid.
You do consider yourselves a family, so you as a group kind of define it and
name it as, like, this is our family. And like I said, you've got that significant
history and also anticipated future, right? You kind of get moved through time
as a... And then some key characteristics of family.
So one is you do have a very strong sense of family identity, right? So there are
certain characteristics that We'll talk about some of the ways that we kind of
help define and shape family identity. We use communication to define
boundaries. We tend to keep within the family at least until there's something
worth sharing.
And so, you know, if like one of my parents is going through a health issue,
then, you know, they'll tell me and my sister and say, please don't, you know.
There were things with my, we also do it like within family, so back in the day

Interpersonal Comm 100

 my mom worked at a bank and the bank that she worked at was robbed like
three times.
I've been to the bank three times by the same people. And I've been to the
bank with Rob. There was a rule that was don't tell grandma about the bank
robbery. Because my grandma, she would worry. It wouldn't really do her any
good to know about the bank robbery.
It would just freak her out. So then we had that boundary within the family of
like, these are the people who can know. So like, my mom's parents were
allowed to know, those grandparents couldn't know. But my grandma, on my
dad's side, it was like, So those are boundaries.
We use communication to define boundaries within the family. There's a lot of
things that the family kind of keeps within itself. You again have those very
intense and complex emotional bonds. They're some of the hardest bonds to
break. Ending a relationship with a family member is one of the hardest
relationships to end.
because of that shared history, because of those emotional bonds, and
because you are dealing with a network of people, and so there's usually other
people at play in those relationships. Share history, as I mentioned. May share
genetic material? May not.
That is not a requirement. I'm not sure if you're someone's grandkid, you're
someone's niece or nephew, you're somebody's sibling perhaps, right? And so
sometimes there's... You know, we kind of struggle over these roles, right?
Because it's like, you know, is your loyalty going to be to your siblings?
Or do you feel weird if you're not telling your parents something? Or like, when
you have, you know, your own kids, right, then you're a child, right? You maybe
have parents, but then also you're parenting somebody, and so those roles can
sometimes...

conflict with one another. So you have multiple roles within a family and
sometimes there's conflict that occurs based on that.
Alright, and then we're going to do a quick run through of types of families.
There's a bunch of different structures families can take. These are some of
the more... Well-known ones that you'll see. So the first one is the nuclear
family, which got mentioned a few days ago.

Interpersonal Comm 101

 Does anyone remember what a nuclear family is? Yeah, Debra? It's like, um, the
parents? Mm-hmm.
Two and a half years. To parents, typically, you know, it's, you know, especially
in the past, it was considered like, you know, man and wife. So, it's two married
adults with at least one biological or adopted child, right? So, it's very likely to
be her.

I'm going to show you some stats here in a minute about what the most
common family structures are. And this used to, at one point in the U.S., be the
most common. Um, why nuclear family? Anyone remember what this one is?
So this one is, it's similar to the nuclear family except the parents have
divorced and it might be like co-parenting but you now have like two families.
And so, if you have two parents, they had kids, they divorced, and now there's
kind of like two separate families, but they share a child, so they're still like
communicating with one another.
And doing that co-parenting, you can consider it a bi-nuclear family. Then we
have step family. You'll also see this referred to as a blended family. Um,
probably familiar with Step Family, but like, the Brady Bunch, you know, pretty
famous Step Family.
This is when you have, um... A couple where at least one of the children is not
the biological child. So people divorce and remarry, they blend their families
together. We'll talk a little bit later about step family challenges, but it can be
hard to blend a family together.

We're bringing people who have not grown up together to live together. You
have new parental figures juggling, figuring out what their role is in that. You
may have inter-sibling conflict with step-siblings. But, yeah, any time you're
kind of blending those families together, it'll be, you know, stuff.

A cohabitating family is basically how it sounds. You have two... Unmarried

adults who live together, either with or without children. So, children are not a
requirement to be a cohabitating family. Basically, if you're living together and
you don't have kids.
It's another pretty common family structure these days. A lot of couples, for
various reasons, choose not to get married. But we'll choose to live together.

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 Also how it sounds, right? You have a single parent raising one or more kids on
their own.
So single parent is another pretty common family structure in the U.S.

And then the last one is the kinship family. This is our chosen family. So all
these previous ones have to do with like, are people married, do they have
kids, etc. Kinship are just the people that you define as family. So how many of
you have people that you consider family who you have no relation to?

That's a kinship family. It's up to you to define what that is, right? But anyone
can be family. If those emotional bonds are there, that shared history, that
sense of futures together, if you have that, like, If you can find identity, then
any group of people can be considered a family.
Now I mentioned nuclear family used to be most common in the US. It's not
anymore. Does anyone have a guess as to what's common now?
Um, yeah, so according to the 2020 most recent census, um, it's it's going to
be actually, um, A married couple without children. So you can see here, so by
household type, married couple total is a little over half. But then if you break it
down amongst that half, the majority are a married couple who don't have
children.
It's interesting because they don't really fall into any of those categories that
we just talked about. So the nuclear family, which is a married couple with
children, there's only 22, um, percent of household cohabitating is about nine
percent. And then in terms of just people living by themselves, female
householder with no spouse or partner presence is about 35%.
The majority of that group lives alone, and then these are the single parents
group. Some live with relatives. There's also extended family. And then male
householder with no partner is about 23. So, yeah, we can see that there's a
pretty broad mix here.
And so that like, again, the nuclear family is really a tiny percent now.
Households come in so many structures. You also now have a lot more multi-
generational families, so you'll have like parents and grandparents. And kids
living together in the same household.

And it happens for a number of reasons. Happened a lot during COVID, when
people wanted to be able to meet their families, but. There's risk to going out

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 and interacting and then coming home, so people choose to move in together.
It happens a lot when there's a recession.

People will combine households to make the finances easier. As people's

parents age, sometimes they will bring those parents in to live with them. So
you see a lot of that as well.

All right, so there's a few things that we do that helps kind of define our family
identity. And we call these family interaction rituals. So I'm going to talk about
the different types and I'm going to see if y'all have any for each of these that
you might be able to share.

So the first one is going to be what we call patterned family interactions, which
are interactions that happen kind of regularly within the family. It doesn't have
to be any kind of like particular day or occasion. It's just like a pattern of
communication or interaction that you have.
If you, I don't know, so I talk on the phone with my parents probably at least
once a week, and it's usually towards the end of the week, not always on the
same day, but that's like a pattern interaction. If you do family dinner, or if you
have a thing at dinner where maybe you go around and you say one good thing
about your day, that's a pattern family interaction.
If every Sunday is family game night, that's a pattern family transfer. Are there
any that y'all have that you can think of that would fall into this? I'm in my
phone watching movies all the time.

My mom and dad made the point that we all eat dinner together. McDonald's
breakfast every Sunday? That's nice, yeah.

My family and I used to do that when I was growing up after church every
Sunday. There's a McDonald's right across the street from our church, so
that's part of why. But I always look forward to that. Any others?

And there might be some that are so small that you don't really think about it as
a pattern, but it is. And you just kind of like fall into... Whenever my sister and I
go see my parents or they come up here, it's a very similar pattern to where we
get there, we say, We usually argue over where to eat lunch, and then we eat
lunch, and then we do whatever that day's activity was that we decided on.

Alright, next one is family traditions. So these are more, not just like everyday
interactions, like the pattern interactions are, these are kind of like bigger

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 traditions. One of mine, as an example, is my family is real big on jigsaw
puzzles. Anytime my extended family gets together, or even I'll just do this
now, even when it's just like our immediate family at the holidays, a jigsaw
puzzle comes up.
So usually, like at Christmas, my sister and I will go spend a couple days at our
parents' house and get a jigsaw puzzle. This past year, my sister got one of
those old Lego heads. And this thing was hard. But we never shy away from a
puzzle. We only ever quit one puzzle in our lives and it was this giant puzzle
and it was just rows and rows of babies.

And they all looked the same, and we just could not make it up. But this is my
mom, and my nana, and my Aunt Jennifer back in the day doing a puzzle.
Probably over the holidays, that's one of our traditions. What are some that
y'all have? What are some of your most cherished family traditions?
Arguing and hollering is not fair.

Grilling! Yeah, like it. Winter. Oh, nice! Ooh, okay, so like, does it come out at
certain holidays, you make a chili at certain times of the year? Okay, okay. It's
one of the entry requirements of the family. You must like this jelly.
Polar Express on Christmas Eve, love it. Oh, Leia always hides the elf on the
shelf. Nice.
You can always make tomato sauce on your sourdough, because all the
tomatoes...

Okay, yeah, make tomato sauce after the tomato harvest. Yeah, my family. It'll
be interesting because there's a ton of us getting together this year. My great-
aunt Irina is turning 100 on Thanksgiving this year, so we're all going to Albany
to celebrate.

We're combining people with very different Thanksgiving traditions. We have

the food that we're used to, and my cousins probably have different food that
they're used to. We'll see what does and does not match up with our various
traditions. So my neighbor, she's basically my second grandma.
She brings my entire neighborhood, like the morning of Christmas, these
brown sugar pecan cinnamon rolls. That's the best part because that's the
presence. Yeah, that sounds delicious. Good for her. She's a good neighbor.

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 We used to have on Christmas my entire life, every year my sister and I would
get a Christmas ornament.

And my sister, there's a series from Walmart called Mary's Angels. It's like
these little angels on clouds and they're doing different stuff, holding cats and
camels and whatever. And mine, every time my mom started a new series for
me, it would end like three years later.

So I have like a hodgepodge of random series of stuff. And it was like every
year, every year, our entire lives, up until... My mom started me on a series
called the 12 Days of Christmas, and last year I got the 12th one, and she's like,
no more ornaments.
And so this is going to be our first year of normal. Not that I like, our family tree
is full. I don't do a tree at home because cats. Not that I need more ornaments,
but like I don't think I could do a tree. Um, alright, and then the third one is
going to be a family celebrations, right?

And so. These are going to be things like birthdays, anniversaries, graduations,
right? Any time a family gets together, family reunions to celebrate stuff, baby
showers, all kinds of stuff. Families, you may have unique ways of celebrating
these things, which may tie into some of your traditions.

Other, like, kind of typical things you do for different family celebrations.
Nice. Yeah, that's fun.

Yeah! That's good, right? Celebrate the weekend, so you can probably do
more. That's sweet! I love that. Yeah, so like, remembering someone's past that
could be their favorite meal. Yeah, so all kinds of different stuff. In my family,
we have what we call birthday season.
My dad's birthday is April, my mom is May, I'm June, and my sister's July. And
I'm responsible for all the cakes except mayo. So I bake all the birthday cakes.
In the family, but I will not make my own, so my mom usually does that. Here's
just a couple of my old photos.
This is my high school graduation. And, yeah, it's...

These are a lot of people other than my great-grandma who is no longer with
us. I'm seeing all these folks on Thanksgiving. That's me, a little me in
Pennsylvania. I ended up spending a lot of my birthdays in Pennsylvania

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 because my birthday is in early June, so we would just take off to
Pennsylvania.

I spent a lot of birthdays at my great-grandma's house. Next thing is, we're

going to talk a little bit about communication dimensions, and then we'll talk
briefly about some of the challenges, and then we'll get into some of the
details. The degree to which you're encouraged to discuss topics openly and
like a variety of topics.
So if you're in a family where you feel like you can pretty much talk about
everything. Then you probably have a pretty high conversation orientation with
your family. So if you're able to talk about all your interests and your beliefs
and maybe your family can openly discuss politics and it's not an issue.

Then you probably have a pretty high conversation orientation. Low

conversation orientation keep the topics pretty limited, so there might be
certain things that you don't get. If you feel comfortable talking to your family
about, or there's certain things that the family is making clear they don't want
to hear about, and therefore you just keep it to this limited number of topics,
right?
So you're like, okay, well we can talk about the Broncos and the weather. It's
the basics of our lives, but that would be more of a low conversation.

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