THE UNIQUENESS OF CHRISTIAN

COUNSELING
Christian Counseling is unique in its own way. Let us
look into the unique qualities of it.

A) UNIQUE ASSUMPTIONS
Christian Counselors have their own assumptions
and premeditated and preconceived biblical
values as they try to Counsel people. We can say
that each Counselor brings their own viewpoints into
the Counseling situations to influence the
Counselee’s judgments and comments whether they
recognize them or not.

—- Most Christian counselors have beliefs about

—-The Attributes of God
—-The Nature of human beings
—-The Authority of the Scripture
—-The Reality of sin
—-The Forgiveness of God and
—-The Hope for the future
B) UNIQUE GOALS
Like any other secular Counselor, the Christian
Counselor also seeks to help the Counselees to
change their . . .
- Attitudes
- Behaviors
- Character
- Disciplines
- Perceptions (about God, and the community)
- Values in life and
-They may even attempt
- to encourage recognition and expression of
emotion;
- to guide as decisions are made;
- to give support in times of need;
- to help Counselees mobilize inner strength and
- to instill insight on their future;
- to increase the Counselee’s competence and
self-actualisation;
- to reach problem-solving skills;
- to teach responsibility;
- to educate or instruct on skills, including social
skills and environmental resources in times of crisis;
C) UNIQUE METHODS
All Counseling Techniques have at least four
characteristics. They . . .
i) HELP Counselees to accept themselves as
persons of worth
ii) SEEK to arouse the belief that help is possible
iii) CORRECT erroneous beliefs about the world
iv) DEVELOP competences in social living

To accomplish these goals, Counselors consistently

use some basic techniques such as:
●​Listening
●​Showing interest
●​Understanding or Attempting to understand
●​and Giving direction occasionally, if possible.
But the Christian Counselor does not use
Counseling techniques that would be considered
immoral or inconsistent with biblical
teachings.
Other techniques which are distinctly Christian which
can be used frequently are like:
a) Praying during the Counseling,
b) Reading the Scriptures whenever it is necessary,
c) A Gentle confrontation with Christian Truth, and
d) Encouraging the Counselees to become a
member and get involved in a local church

D) UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICS
In every Counseling situation, the Counselor must
ask at least the following five questions:
i) What is the problem?
It is important for a Christian Counselor to have an
understanding of problems of the Counselee
[how they arise and how they might be restored].
Also a knowledge of the biblical teaching about
the problems and a familiarity with Counseling skills.
ii) What could be the cause of the problem?
-​ Will it be a sociological problem?
-​ Will it be a physical problem?
-​ Will it be a medically related problem?
-​ Will it be a relational problem?
-​ Will it be a financial problem?
-​ Will it be a spiritual problem?
-​ Will it be a cultural problem?
iii) Should I intervene and try to help?
The mere fact that Counselees have come to avail
help from a Counselor does not qualify him (the
Counselor) to jump into action to intervene into their
personal life to help them. The Counselor should use
his personal intuition to evaluate the Counselees
and their problems before intervening to help them.
iv) How can I help?
- Is it concerning a parent-children issue. . .
- Is it a boy-girl relationship based issue . . .
- Is it work related . . .
- Is it marriage related . . .
- If so, will it be a sex related issue?
- Or will it be a financial issue . . .
- Or will it be a spiritual issue (depression) . . .
v) Would someone else be better qualified to
help?

Researchers found that:

The Counseling techniques are most potent when
used by helpers who are characterized by their
a) warmth attitude,
b) sensitive personality,
c) an open mind to understand the depth of the
problem,
d) a genuine concern for the Counselees, and
e) a willingness to confront them in an attitude of
love.
Also, Counseling experts stress on . . .
The importance of Counselor’s qualities such as
a) trustworthiness,
b) good psychological health,
c) honesty,
d) patience,
e) competence, and
f) Self-knowledge.
THE GOAL OF PASTORAL CARE and COUNSELING
The Goals are: *Evangelism *Discipleship
*Maturity *Stability *Leadership *Fellowship and
*Ministry to the Body of Christ

PASTOR - COUNSELOR’S PESSIMISTIC ROLES

The reasons which can make a Pastor to
embrace the role of a Counselor are:
* A desire to help people in pain.
* A desire to possess a compassionate heart
just like Jesus to execute empathy with
compassion to give himself to Counseling.
* A desire to have a positive influence in his
pastoral ministry through Counseling as well.
[When people witness results after Counseling, it
will motivate and qualify a pastor to offer more
Counselings].
* A desire to find Counseling fulfilling
However, there can be a few
unseen and unrecognizable issues
that can interfere with a pastor’s effectiveness.
●​Some may Counsel people primarily to meet
their personal needs instead of meeting the
Counselee’s needs.
●​The Counseling could be offered for
popularity, or for a recognition
●​Or the Counseling could be done for a mere
attraction toward the Counselee
●​Or the Counseling could be done for the
honorarium they expect after
●​Or the Counseling could be offered just to
fulfill their duty as a Pastor-Preacher-
Counselor

Any Counseling with a hidden motive or

agenda cannot be a ministry but a mere mission
for business.
 Some of the drawbacks and pit-falls
in Counseling
A) THE NEED FOR RELATIONSHIP
Nobody is too holy for the devil to trap them
into sexual sin. Relationship experts say that
men and women who are not married cannot be
just close friends for a longer time, as they are
likely to fall for each other sexually.

Counseling gives more room and privacy for

both the Counselee and Counselor to create an
opportunity to fall for each other. Age,
spiritual maturity, and marital status do not
play any role to bar them from falling for each
other. With all humility we all have to accept that
it’s our biology.

For some Counselees, the Counselor will be their

closest friend, provided that it is going to be
temporary and professional.
B) THE NEED FOR CONTROL
By nature, some ministers are authoritarian.
Can’t blame them, it may be their personality.
The authoritarian Counselors like to ‘straighten
out’ others, ‘give advice’ (even when it is not
required) and play the ‘problem-solver role’ (big
brother).

C) THE NEED FOR RESCUE

Certain Counselors may have a sincere desire to
rescue the Counselees from their problems.
These types of Counselors take responsibility
away from the Counselees and play the role of a
rescuer to the Counselee.

D) THE NEED FOR INFORMATION

During Counseling, when the Counselees
describe their problem, at times they may give
interesting information that might trigger
curiosity in Counselors. Curious Counselors
who love to collect information from their
Counselees are rarely helpful to solve their
needs, and eventually people stop asking them
for help. Counselors are not collectors of
information.

E) THE NEED FOR PERSONAL HEALING

Counseling will not be effective if the Counselors
have a need to manipulate people to prove that
they are intellectually capable, spiritually
mature, and psychologically stable.

COUNSELING IS NOT A PODIUM TO DISPLAY OUR

PERSONALITY.
_______________________________________
PASTOR - COUNSELOR’S OPTIMISTIC ROLE
“People always don’t need advice or
Counseling. Sometimes all they need is a hand
to hold on, an ear to listen, and a heart to
understand.”

A) Visiting Instead of Counseling

(Be goal oriented/No beating around the bush)
Pastors love to pay a pastoral visit to their church
members. This is normal and very much expected
in every culture and country.
Visiting helps the family members to be
strengthened in their faith.
●​By visiting pastors receive a spiritual blessing
and a divine intervention .
●​Visiting helps the pastors to understand their
church members better.
●​Visiting helps the pastors to know the needs
of their church members.
In some cultures, pastors may receive gifts
from their members, but these small tokens of
appreciation should never be a motive for
visitation. In a nutshell, visiting is a friendly
activity that involves mutual sharing.

But Counseling is an entirely different

ministry. It focuses on a problem-centered,
goal-directed conversation that focuses
primarily on the needs of the individuals, a
couple, or a family on the whole.

B) Being Hasty Instead of Deliberate

(Give a careful consideration with patience)
A pastor should have a busy life. But remember
that the busy and goal-directed people often want
to hurry up their Counseling process to a quick
and successful termination.

Therefore, when Counseling,

Do not keep any back to back appointments
-​ back to back appointments will divert
attention
-​ will push the Pastor-Counselor to make a
hasty decision.
-​ But a good Counseling needs time and
therefore, cannot be done too hurriedly.
-​ At times the Counselors will see that
Counselees have difficulties even to speak
even their very first sentence.
-​ Many times it is the time given by the
Counselors which will enable the Counselees
to become transparent and speak their heart.
-​ “Much of all Counselors’ success rest upon
their own quiet, thoughtful attention to what
the Counselees are saying” - Maurice E.Wagner
-​ When the pace is deliberate (done
consciously and intentionally) and relaxed,
the Counselors are less inclined to make
hasty judgments and the Counselees are
more likely to feel the support and serious
interest of the Counselors.
-​ When the Counselors attempt to do too
much in one session, the Counselees may
feel overwhelmed and often may get
confused.
-​ According to Counseling experts - It probably
is true that Counselees can only assimilate
 and understand one or two major insights
in each session and therefore, Counseling
should be paced and unhurried.

C) Being Disrespectful Instead of Sympathetic

A quick categorisation of people as a
i) Carefree Bachelor
ii) Carnal Christian
iii) Ego Centered person and christian
iv) Not a sociable and elite minded
v) Not a Spiritual minded person
-​ And then dismissing with a hurried
evaluation, quick confrontation or a rigid
advice is unbiblical, unChristian and
anti-Counseling.
-​ No person likes to be treated disrespectfully.
-​ In Counseling respect for the Counselee is
the bottom line.
-​ Always look for certain good virtues and
appreciate the Counselees and tell them how
much you admire them.
-​ If an unknown person drops by then ask for
their positive virtues and habits.
 -​ Only a few Counselees are helped by
Counselors who fail to listen to them
sympathetically.

D) Being Judgmental Instead of Unbiased

In English, these two words Confrontation and
Condemnation always confuse the users.
Confrontation: a hostile or argumentative
situation or meeting between opposing parties.
Condemnation: has guilt and punishment
attached to it, there is no wriggle room, no space
to grow and change, there are only the
consequences of actions.

Confrontation VS Condemnation
During Counseling, the Counselors may come
across situations where they may have to
confront (come face to face with a hostile or
argumentative intent) the Clounselees’ sin and
their unusual, unnatural and unChristian
behaviors.
-​ But this is not the same as condemning or
preaching at people in the Counseling office
In short, the Counselees don’t come to be
sermonized. When the Counselees feel that they
are attacked, condemned and preached at
-​ They either defend themselves (often in
anger)
-​ Or adopt a “don’t care” attitude
-​ Or go along with the Counselors’ advice
temporarily and unwillingly
-​ This may be true if the
●​Parents force the children
●​Wife forces the husband or vice-versa
●​Or an assistant pastor was requested to go for
Counseling for his immoral or non-pastoral
attitude or actions.
- None of these reactions contributes to
Counselees’ growth, and all are in response to
a Counseling technique that often reflects the
Counselors’ own anxiety, uncertainty, or need
to control.
- Remember Jesus never overlooked sin,
but at the same time he understood sinners
and showed kindness and respect to them.
 Jesus never acknowledged the sins of the
people but accommodated sinners with their
sin.
●​ the woman whom He met at the well
●​the one who wanted to repent (Zacchaeus)
●​ those who came willing to learn (Mary,
Nicodemus)
●​ Or like the one who had a heart to get
reformed and was willing to change their
behavior (the woman caught in adultery)

E) Being Directive Instead of Interpretive

This is a common error which many Counselors
are likely to make. This way the Counselors may
unconsciously express their need to dominate and
control their Counselees.
-​ When Counselors are explicitly directive in
giving directions and tell the Counselees what
to do
-​ The Counselors confuse the Counselees
between their personal opinion and the will
of God
 -​ Therefore, the Counselors and Counselees
should work together as a team.
-​ The Counselors serve as a Teacher-Coach
and withdraw from the playing field.
(Teacher- One who focuses to impart new
knowledge and abilities to their students.
Coach- One who helps students to up-skill or
develop their skills, knowledge and skills).

F) Being Emotionally Involved instead of

Caring and Remaining Objective.
- There is a fine line between caring and
becoming emotionally involved to be helpful
-This is especially true when the Counselees are
deeply disturbed, confused, or facing a problem
that is similar to the Counselors’ own struggles.
-Emotional involvement can cause the Counselors
to lose objectivity and this in turn will reduce the
effect of Counseling. [Medical Interns and PG
students are trained not to express their feelings
and sympathies to their patients.
G) Being Impatient Instead of Realistic
Counselees do not improve in just one or two
sessions of Counseling. Therefore, when the
Counselees do not improve or change in
character or behavior, the Counselors are likely to
become impatient or depressed.

It’s natural for Counselors to expect an immediate

and positive change and progress in their clients.
All problems take a long time to develop and
surface in life (pop up) and therefore, it is
unrealistic to assume and expect that they will
disappear instantaneously or quickly, in response
to the Counselors’ interventions (Counseling).

Instant changes do happen. But these are very

rare. At times it is not healthy to see an abrupt
change.“Maturity which is instantaneous is a
pseudo maturity and it should be called
immaturity”.
 H) Being Artificial Instead of Authentic
Counselors sometimes burden themselves
with the belief that they must be perfect. They
think that they must always know the
appropriate thing to say and do as well. They
may even think that they should never make
mistakes. And should have the knowledge and
skills to let them handle any kind of Counseling
situation.
Such Counselors are often reluctant to
admit their own weaknesses or knowledge
gaps.They are so anxious to be professional and
successful that they appear artificial. It is difficult,
perhaps impossible, for a Counselee to relax and
share honestly with a Counselor who gives the
impression of being perfect - one who “has it all
together.”
In the history of Counseling, only one
Counselor (Jesus) ever reached perfection, never
made mistakes, and always said the right things.
After Jesus Christ’s ascension, there is no perfect
Counselor born in His church.