Tak Nga Secondary School

Name: WONG RANICE HEI LAM

Group: 2024-25_1D

Writing Topic

Your friend Joey has sent you an email to discuss your travel plans (see email below). Write an email of
reply. State the destination you prefer, and talk about attractions, activities and why you think it is a good
choice.

Email from Joey:

Hi Sam,

How's it going?

It's time for us to decide where to go for our summer trip. I don't have anywhere specific in mind, but I think
we should choose somewhere fun and cool. I would also prefer a destination near Hong Kong.

What do you think?

Cheers,
Joey

Grammar Self-correction Answers

Our summer trip to Japan [ 1 ] on

Hi Joey, [ 2 ] First, we

[ 3 ] Aquarium. It
How's everything going? I've found some attractions and activities to do
[ 4 ] aquariums
in[1] our trip.
[ 5 ] Then
First we[2] can hit the road by going to the Churaumi Aquarium, it[3] is [ 6 ] Castle. This
known as one of the best Aquarium[4] in Japan. Also, there are massive
[ 7 ] Also, it
tanks to see whales, sharks and different other marine life. I know you are [ 8 ] a lot
obsessed with sharks, so what do you think?Then[5] we can go to the
[ 9 ] people, but
majestic Shuri Castle, this[6] is a historical site served as the palace of the
Ryukyu kingdom. Also it[7] is a world Heritage site. There would be alot[8] [ 10 ] think it's
of people but[9] I think's[10] worth it. You know how much I love historic [ 11 ] us
structures.
[ 12 ] the

This trip is for use[11] to unwind ourselves. So I found some activities for [ 13 ] Island. It
us to enjoy. We can go to the[12] Kerama Island, it[13]'s known for its
[ 14 ] diving. We
stunning beach and its crystal clear water. We can go snorkeling and
beautiful
scuba diving, we[14] can enjoy ourselves in the glass-like sea, the beatiful[15] [ 15 ]
coral reefs and marine life. I think the underwater view would be [ 16 ] Foreste. We
breathtaking. Then we can also go to the Mangrove Foreste, we[16] can
[ 17 ] sports. I
explore the natural beauty of Okinawa by taking a guided kayak tour
through its mangrove forests. It's a great way to experience the island's [ 18 ] this is a
unique ecosystem. We both enjoy doing water sports I[17] think this a[18] [ 19 ] awesome
great idea!
[ 20 ] from

Let me know what you think about my plans for our summer trip to
Japan, Okinawa. It would be awsome[19] to have you join me on this quick
getaway. Looking forward to hearing form[20] you soon.

Best wishes,

Sam

Better Writing Suggestions

In this section, your teacher or AI will offer alternative suggestions to enhance your writing. Some sentences
from your essay will be listed, alongside improved versions of these sentences.

Note that this does not imply your original sentences are incorrect; we are simply providing alternative
phrasings to support your learning.

1. First, we can hit the road by going to the Churaumi Aquarium.

→ First, we can begin our adventure by visiting the Churaumi Aquarium.
Explanation: The phrase 'hit the road' is informal and can be replaced with a more appropriate phrase to
maintain a consistent tone. 'Visiting' also sounds more suitable than 'going to.'

2. Also, there are massive tanks to see whales, sharks and different other marine life.
→ Additionally, there are massive tanks featuring whales, sharks, and various other marine life.

Explanation: The use of 'different other' is incorrect as it is redundant. 'Featuring' is a more engaging verb
that enhances the sentence's clarity.

3. I know you are obsessed with sharks, so what do you think?

→ Since I know you are obsessed with sharks, I'm excited to hear your thoughts on this!

Explanation: This revision makes the connection stronger and turns the question into a more enthusiastic
invitation for feedback, which engages Joey better.

4. Also, it is a world Heritage site.

→ Moreover, it is a World Heritage site.

Explanation: Using 'Moreover' improves the flow of the text, and ensuring 'World Heritage' is capitalized
respects the formal title.

5. This trip is for us to unwind ourselves.

→ This trip is an opportunity for us to unwind.

Explanation: 'Unwind ourselves' sounds awkward; 'unwind' is a more natural and concise expression,
making the sentence clearer.

6. So I found some activities for us to enjoy.

→ To make our trip even more enjoyable, I've also discovered some exciting activities for us.

Explanation: This revision connects the sentence to the previous one more effectively, emphasizing that the
activities are part of enhancing chill time.

7. I think the underwater view would be breathtaking.

→ The underwater view will undoubtedly be breathtaking.

Explanation: Removing 'I think' strengthens the assertion, conveying more enthusiasm and conviction about
the activity.

8. Then we can also go to the Mangrove Foreste.

→ Next, we can also visit the Mangrove Forests.

Explanation: Capitalizing 'Mangrove Forests' correctly names the location, and 'visit' is a more suited verb
for this context.

9. It's a great way to experience the island's unique ecosystem.

→ It's a fantastic way to explore the island's unique ecosystem.

Explanation: Using 'explore' instead of 'experience' adds a more active and engaging tone to the sentence.

10. I think this is a great idea!

→ This is an excellent idea!

Explanation: The removal of 'I think' enhances the confidence of the statement, and 'excellent' is a more
powerful descriptive word than 'great.'

Personalized Model Essay

Our Summer Trip to Japan

Hi Joey,

How's everything going? I've found some amazing attractions and exciting activities for our trip.

First, we can hit the road by visiting the Churaumi Aquarium, which is known as one of the best aquariums
in Japan. It features massive tanks where we can see magnificent whales, sleek sharks, and a variety of
colorful marine life. I know you are obsessed with sharks, so I think you'll love it! Then we can explore the
majestic Shuri Castle, a stunning historical site that served as the palace of the Ryukyu Kingdom. It is also a
UNESCO World Heritage site. There might be a lot of people, but I think it's worth it. You know how much
I love historic structures!

This trip is for us to unwind and enjoy ourselves. I found some thrilling activities for us to experience. We
can head to Kerama Island, which is famous for its breathtaking beaches and crystal-clear waters. We can go
snorkeling and scuba diving to enjoy the stunning underwater views filled with beautiful coral reefs and
vibrant marine life. I think the underwater scenery will be absolutely mesmerizing. Additionally, we can
visit the Mangrove Forests, where we can explore the natural beauty of Okinawa by taking a guided kayak
tour through its lush mangrove ecosystems. It's a fantastic way to experience the island's unique
environment, and we both enjoy water sports, so I think this is a perfect idea!

Let me know what you think about my plans for our summer trip to Okinawa, Japan. It would be awesome
to have you join me on this quick getaway. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon!
Best wishes,

Sam