American new‘paper chain

owner‘
07 APR 2023

Sending of Nudes According to Robbie McRobson, ports to grow by 2%. The worldwide
head of the UN Moose Preserva- dominance of Canada shows no signs
Online by Lance tion Council, worldwide moose num- of abating though with this year’s
bers are expected to grow markedly moose population expected to match
Townsend on last year due to the traditional last year’s record figures of one hun-
moose strongholds of Canada and the dred million billion.
By MIKE BRYAN
United States, with the larger de- Europe’s rise as an international
veloping moose ecologies also poised moose power will slow slightly this
to make gains. The largest percent- year as a response to the European
agege increase in moose will likely Union’s move towards standardising
“I was sexually harassed by this
come from China’’, says McRobson, the European moose. Stringent qual-
man. He should be jailed for this"
The Chinese government has invested ity controls are holding back the de-
says the victim This young boy Char-
heavily in moose infrastructure over velopment of the eastern european
lie should be put behind bars and be
the past decade, and their committ- populations compared to last year
disgraced for this, how could he send
ment to macrofauna is beginning to when they contributed significantly
this online. His parents and hid IE
pay dividends’’. Since 2004 China has to europe’s strong growth figures.
WELDON classmates have to see this
expanded moose pasture from 1.5% Norway, which is not an EU member
on the news. Charlie(WANTED)
of arable land to nearly 3.648% and but has observer status, strengthed
moose numbers are expected to rise in numbers relative to the Euro area
to 60,000 making China a net moose with numbers of Norweigian moose,
exporter for the first time. This is known locally as elk’’ expected to rise
good news for neighbouring Mongo- for the tenth consecutive year, partic-
lia, a barren moose-wasteland whose ularly thanks to a strong showing in
inhabitents nonetheless have an insa- the last quarter.
tiable desire for the creatures. The in- As moose season reaches its close,
crease in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is researchers world wide are turning to
anticipated to relieve pressure on the science in an attempt to boost next
relatively strained Russian suppliers, year’s figures. NASA stunned the
Reuters but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of scientific community today with the
trade with its larger neighbour. announcment of their discovery that
Historically the only competitor
International to China in the far eastern moose
the moon is significantly smaller than
previously believed. This conclusion,
Moose Count markets has been Singapore but the
tiny island nation is set to report a
which is the conclusion of a ten-
year collaborative project, will have
Underway net loss, expecting a decrease of more
than five percent on last year’s 50,000
profound implications for the moose
community as the gravitational field
By BOB O’BOBSTON moose counted. The head of Singa- is now known to be of the right
pore’s Agency for Agriculture, Jing- strength to support moose in orbit.
Feng Lau, explained to an incredu- According to John Johnson, head
lous Singaporean parliament yester- of the NASA Moon Sizing Experi-
The UN-sponsored International day that bad weather had contributed ment the first delivery of moose into
Moose Census got off to a flying to this season’s poor showing, most low moon orbit could be achieved as
start today with hopes for an increase notably when a cargo of 150 moose early as the third quarter of next year.
in the worldwide moose population were swept out into the Indian ocean The technology to nurture moose in
compared to last year’s disapointing in a monsoon. space is available now’’, he said, ’’all
figures. Among the traditional early Yet again the global demand for that is needed is political will’’.
reporters were Egypt, returning fig- moose will be met largely by the
ures of six moose, a twenty percent US and Canada. The recession-hit
increase on 2011’s figures of five, and States is taking comfort in its moose Granny wins
Uruguay whose moose population re- growth figures with gross production
mains stable at eleven. expected to break 700,000 and net ex- World Wrestling
 American newspaper chain owners 07 APR 2023 2

Championship Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un- scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the
derdog Johnson was soon showing her contest went to a panel of judges to be
By ROY MCROYSTON worth with stamina and agility easily assessed. They awarded Thompson a
matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s C grade whilst Johnson received an
experience paid off initially as he took A, becoming the first grandmother to
the first two rounds, but as John- ever win the title.
Records were smashed in son became more confident her su- The new champion explained her
Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Cham- perior strength came to the fore and success as the result of a strict train-
pionship last night as 78-year-old she clawed back two rounds to take ing regimen instituted by her coach
Maud Johnson, grandmother of five, the contest into a decider. By this and grandson five-year-old Sammy
became the first woman for fifty-six time Lutti’s body language indicated Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten
years, and the oldest competitor ever, that he already felt overawed by the raw eggs for breakfast every morning,
to claim the gold medal. She walked pretender to his crown, and the new- sprinting fifty miles a day and carry-
away with her million dollar share of comer took advantage of this to en- ing my daughter’s car to the end of
the prize money, runner up Tommy gage a mutual headlock which she the road and back whenever I felt my
Thompson from Nigeria taking half a held for three hours until the Vat- arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy
million, and third place New Zealan- ican man retired from exhaustion. added "I always knew she could do
der John Smith receiving a warm The next seven matches were barely it. She’s my grandma.". The young-
handshake from the umpire. a contest as the news of Johnson’s ster is also her manager and has re-
Having started the tournament a supremacy overawed all her oppo- portedly arranged sponsorship deals
rank outsider she began to impress nents who became too indimidated to which will dwarf her one million dol-
in her second match when she took fight properly. lar prize fund. Her new contract with
US number three Ron Ronson by sur- Nigerian Tommy Thompson is headband designer Nike alone is set
prise and subdued him in twenty sec- also a relative newcomer to the to earn her fourteen billion dollars
onds with her unique move that has wrestling scene, but with his 210lb over the next year. She will also be
been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip". frame he was expected to fare well promoting Tupperware, Halliburton,
The injection of a new wrestling style against Johnson who weighs in at the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala
into the tournament was welcomed only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe Bingo. Her continued participation in
by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and and slender, some would say scrawny, the sport is not assured as she wants
post-match breakdances have proved figure belies her agility and strength to spend more time on her bungee-
entertaining to fans. However, she which she demonstrated by holding jumping business, and knitting. Ev-
was still not expected to win in Thompson above her head several eryone here at the World Champi-
round three last Wednesday, facing times during the bout and throwing onships, however, hopes for her re-
off against title-holder Paulo "Spine- him into the crowd once. With the turn.