INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 17
(Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheet 12) 29 1 .p ;
validation
valiDaTiOn meanS:
•• Finding the kernel of truth in another person’s perspective or situation; verifying the facts of
a situation.
•• Acknowledging that a person’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors have causes and are
therefore understandable.
•• Not necessarily agreeing with the other person.
•• Not validating what is actually invalid.
Why valiDaTe?
•• It improves our relationships by showing we are listening and understand.
•• It improves interpersonal effectiveness by reducing:
1. Pressure to prove who is right
2. Negative reactivity
3. Anger
•• It makes problem solving, closeness, and support possible.
•• Invalidation hurts.
imPOrTanT ThinGS TO valiDaTe
•• The valid (and only the valid).
•• The facts of a situation.
•• A person’s experiences, feelings/emotions, beliefs, opinions, or thoughts about something.
•• Suffering and diffculties.
rememBer:
•• Every invalid response makes sense in some way.
•• Validation is not necessarily agreeing.
•• Validation doesn’t mean you like it.
•• Only validate the valid!
Note. Adapted from Linehan, M. M. (1997). Validation and psychotherapy. In A. Bohart & L. Greenberg (Eds.), Empathy reconsidered: New
directions in psychotherapy (pp. 353–392). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Copyright 1997 by the American Psycho-
logical Association. Adapted by permission.
From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permis-
sion to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, and DBT Skills
Training Manual, Second Edition, for personal use and use with individual clients only. (See page ii of this packet for details.)
INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 18
(Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheet 12) 29 1 .p ;
a “how To” Guide to validation
1. Pay attention:
Look interested, listen, and observe. No multitasking. Make eye contact. Stay focused. Nod
occasionally. Respond with your face (e.g., smile at happy statements; look concerned when
hearing something painful).
2. refect Back:
Say back what you heard or observed to be sure you actually understand what the person is
saying. No judgmental language or voice tone!
Try to really “get” what the person feels or thinks. Have an open mind. (No disagreeing,
criticizing, or trying to change the person’s mind or goals.) Use a voice tone that allows the
other person to correct you . . . and check the facts!
example: “So you are mad at me because you think I lied just to get back at you. Did I get it
right?”
3. “read minds”:
Be sensitive to what is not being said by the other person. Pay attention to facial
expressions, body language, what is happening, and what you know about the person
already. Show that you understand in words or by your actions. Be open to correction.
example: When you are asking a friend for a ride at the end of a long day and the person
slumps down, say, “You look really tired. Let me look for someone else.”
4. understand:
Look for how the other person feels, is thinking, or if he or she is making sense, given the
person’s history, state of mind or body, or current events (i.e. the causes)—even if you don’t
approve of the person’s behavior, or if his or her belief is incorrect. Say “It makes sense that
you . . . because . . . ”
example: If you sent a party invitation to the wrong address, say, “I can see why you thought
I might be excluding you on purpose.”
5. acknowledge the valid:
Show that you see that the person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions are valid, given current
reality and facts. Act as if the person’s behavior is valid.
example: If you are criticized for not taking out the garbage on your day, admit that it is your
day and take it out. If people present a problem, help them solve it (unless they just want to
be heard). If people are hungry, give them food. Acknowledge the effort a person is making.
6. Show equality:
Be yourself! Don’t “one-up” or “one-down” the other person. Treat the other as an equal, not
as fragile or incompetent.
example: Be willing to admit mistakes. If someone introduces him- or herself by frst name,
introduce yourself by your frst name. Ask other people for their opinions. Give up being
defensive. Be careful in giving advice or telling someone what to do if you are not asked or
required to do so. Even then, remember you could be wrong.
Note. Adapted from Linehan, M. M. (1997). Validation and psychotherapy. In A. Bohart & L. Greenberg (Eds.), Empathy reconsidered: New
directions in psychotherapy (pp. 353–392). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Copyright 1997 by the American Psycho-
logical Association. Adapted by permission.
From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permis-
sion to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, and DBT Skills
Training Manual, Second Edition, for personal use and use with individual clients only. (See page ii of this packet for details.)
