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Webinar Essay

The document discusses the advantages and disadvantages of school uniforms, highlighting benefits such as promoting equality and unity among students, while also noting drawbacks like limiting self-expression and potential financial burdens on families. It concludes that despite the positive aspects of fairness and order, the restrictions on choice and affordability present significant concerns. Overall, the essay is well-written with minor issues affecting its scores.

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rahimovdavron125
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14 views2 pages

Webinar Essay

The document discusses the advantages and disadvantages of school uniforms, highlighting benefits such as promoting equality and unity among students, while also noting drawbacks like limiting self-expression and potential financial burdens on families. It concludes that despite the positive aspects of fairness and order, the restrictions on choice and affordability present significant concerns. Overall, the essay is well-written with minor issues affecting its scores.

Uploaded by

rahimovdavron125
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

In some countries, schoolchildren wear a uniform.

In others, they can wear


whatever they want at school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of
having school uniforms?

It is true that more schools than ever before are adopting mandatory uniform
policies today. Although this practice can be beneficial for students, this (it) may
also cause problems for them and their families.
To begin with the positives, one of the main benefits of uniforms is that wearing
them provides equality. When all students are obliged to wear clothes which look
the same, those who come from unprivileged (underprivileged) families are less
likely to be picked on or bullied for being less fashion-conscious or not being able
to afford trendy suits, button-up shirts or special skirts. Another advantage is
connected (relates) to unity. Having a dress code at school instills a sense of pride
and belonging in students, which, in turn, promotes togetherness and close-knit
relationships. In other words, educational establishments where uniforms are
compulsory tend to experience fewer problems with discipline (‘discipline’ and
‘relationships’ are different things, so I don’t think ‘In other words’ can be used
here as a linking device).
However, there are also worrying aspects that come with having a uniform, the
most obvious of which is the violation of the freedom of choice. In general,
students should have the right to express themselves in whichever way they
want, including wearing any clothes of their interest. Forcing them to put on the
same uniforms, in contrast, can limit their creativity and restrict self-expression.
Furthermore, school uniforms can be almost prohibitively expensive for people on
lower income. Parents who are not able to afford the trendy costly outfits for
their children often experience a sense of guilt for not being good enough, which
might further put a greater financial burden on them (how would them having
guilt increase the financial burden?).
In conclusion, despite the benefits of fairness and order that school dress codes
present, there are also drawbacks (relating to) of choice restriction and
unaffordability brought by them.

…
Overall: This was a nicely written essay with very solid grammar, vocab and
structure. I think the main issues were the two logic/flow issues in the final
sentences of both body paragraphs. These are highlighted in the comments
above. I think these two elements will restrict the TR and CC scores to 7. Most of
the other changes were just small improvements to word choices rather than
corrections. The high level of accuracy could bring this one over 7.

Score: TR 7, CC 7, LR 8, GR 8 = 7.5

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