CM 17: Marriage and Family Counselling

Pastoral Care and Counseling for

Working Women and Marriage Life
Submitted to: Submitted by:
Dr. Joseph George R. Moses
Department of Christian Ministry 07-03-2011 B.D III

Introduction

Social change is an undeniable fact occurs in all the societies. Family, being the basic
unit of the society has no exception in this regard. In the recent past, the role each individual play
in the family has come across a lot of changes. One among such changes is the role of women in
the family and in society. Due to industrialization and modernization the needs and the demands
of every family has been increased. Single man’s earning has become insufficient and led the
women to come out of home and go for jobs out side the home. Earning of women helps the
family in its economic conditions. However, this has an impact on the married life of the women
and led to some serious problems. This paper is an attempt to bring out the issues a family face in
relation with the dual career a woman play. This paper also tries to bring out the possible pastoral
care and counseling a pastor has to give in such kind of situation in the congregational ministry.

Family and Change in India

Industrialization, urbanization and secularization have led to a complete social change not
only in India but throughout the world. Social change has been manifested all the levels of the
social institutions, especially in the family. The major change occurs in Indian family set up is
the joint family system to nuclear family system. It has its effects on the relationship and the role
each individual play in the running of the family life. 1 The society has a set of norms or
principles for each gender to perform in the society. It expects how a woman or man should be or
should do in the family as well as in the society. Negative sanctions are given as punishments
when one’s behavior is considered inappropriate for one’s sex.2 The economic revolution has
1
John S. Augustine, The Indian Family in Transition (New Delhi: Vikas Publishing House Pvt Ltd, 1982), 2.
2
Letha Dawson Scanzoni and John Scanzoni, Men, Women, and Change (New York: Mcgraw-Hill Book Company,
1988), 31.
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affected the women severely forcing them to enter into the working forces. The entry of
unmarried women is less problematic when we compare with married women who have to play a
multiple roles to play. Marriage is the core of the family life. 3 Thus, women have to be careful in
leading their life with their multiple roles. Otherwise they have to face lot of problems both
inside and out side their family life.

Working Women and their Problems

Traditional gender roles made women to be dependent on their husbands. It was from the
beginning of nineteenth century women joined in work in the West. By the mid of 1980s over
half of the married women were employed. Researches reveal that the married women’s
employment behavior has positive effects on their children’s education. Though, some of the
husbands bad about their wife’s employment, many feel respect towards their wives. 4 However,
it differs in Indian context. Women were subjugated and were not allowed to get education and
employment in the earlier stage. After 1850 the colonialism in India and the Indian reformers
brought education to women.5 This had an impact on the role of Indian women. In the twentieth
century they entered in to working fields. Working women’s number was less in the beginning.
After independence it increased a lot. However, In Indian situation they could not over come the
difficulties since they were not independent.

Women have to play a dual role in the in their life if they go for work after their marriage.
They have to be a faithful homemaker in the family circle and they have to be faithful in their job
they do. They have to face problems from both from their office and from their family. This
however increases the pressure of the women for they have to work both inside the home and out
side the home. In the modern families, especially people working in IT sectors couples have
duties in different timings. Sometimes the wife goes for work during the day time while the
husband goes for night duty. They happen to be together only in the week ends. It severely
affects their relationship as well as their attachment towards their children. Thus, working

3
Amiteshwar Ratra, Working and Non-Working women (New Delhi: Mittal Publications, 2006), 2.
4
Letha Dawson Scanzoni and John Scanzoni, Men, Women, and Change (New York: Mcgraw-Hill Book Company,
1988), 308.
5
Kavita Bhatia, “Reconstruction of Womanhood in the Nineteenth Centaury,” Rudolf C. Heredia and Edward
Mathias (Ed), The Family in a Changing World (New Delhi: Indian Social Institute, 1995), 57.
2
women have to lead their married life unhappily. Last century has witnessed the increasing rate
of divorce due to this.6

The dual role of working women at home and in office bring them to tremendous
problems and stress both physical and psychological. Though women’s satisfaction in work
promotes adjustment and happiness in their marriage, greater job stress leads to poor marital
interaction. It leads to a negative impact on marriage. Wife’s job has been identified as one of the
areas of marital conflict. Amiteshwar Ratra explains that “Reflection of areas of marital conflict
in recent past shows that since the 1940s; sex finance, children, in-laws, friends, social activities
and religion were area of interest of scientist in this field… it was not until the 1980s that the
wife’s job, attention and affection were added as area of conflict”7

Child care also becomes one of the major problems for the working women. If the child
is too small they have to be given the maternal care. Thus, they need help from the elders or
servants. However, they are not suitable to give the real maternal care. It affects the
concentration of the women in their working place and also pushes them to a feeling of guilt,
since they fail to give the maternal care. If the children are studying, the mother after coming
from work has to help them in their studies. This makes them working always, and makes their
8
physic weak. If their family relationship gets disturbed, it further affects the development of
their children. The family life lays the foundation for the future generation. Several theoretical
frame works that have influenced the study of child development recognizes the importance of
the familiar relationship. Psychoanalytical theory viewed that the marital disruption affects the
child’s sense of security. Social learning theory suggests that children learn how to behave in
relationship through parental interaction.9

Men’s Feeling about Women’s Employment

6
Amiteshwar Ratra, Working and Non-Working women (New Delhi: Mittal Publications, 2006), 1.
7
Amiteshwar Ratra, Working and Non-Working women (New Delhi: Mittal Publications, 2006), 18.
8
John Witte, “The Goods and Goals of Marriage: The Health Paradigm in Historical Perspective,” John wall, Don
Broening, William J. Doherty and Stephen post (Ed), Marriage, Health, and the Professions (Michigan: William B.
Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2002), 53.
9
Amiteshwar Ratra, Working and Non-Working women (New Delhi: Mittal Publications, 2006), 2.

3
 According to conflict theory men may be viewed as the dominant group and the women
as the subordinate group. The dominant group tries to stop erosion when it feels that the
subordinate dominates it. Like wise, the issue of married women’s working is viewed as a
challenge to male dominance. Many men are reluctant to give up their power and privileges that
had been associated with the traditional male role of sole provider. 10 For them, their wife looks
threatening when the women earn more. If the women become the breadwinner, they feel it as a
threat to their masculinity. In such situation, they expect their wives to hand over their salary to
the men themselves in order to maintain their headship over the family. 11 In a traditionally male
dominated society the husband find it very difficult to tolerate his wife’s employment even
though they needed her income. House hold tasks and child rearing responsibilities were more
likely to be shared by the husband and wife if the wife was employed. Moreover, women’s
relationship with their male friends and co-workers lead the husbands to suspect them
unnecessarily. However, many men find it very difficult to change from their own traditional role
and to share in the house hold responsibilities and to help take care of the children.12

The working women have to face problems from both the working place and from the
family. Though, there are many positive points of their employment, which gives extra income to
the family and give self confidence to women, it affects the relationship with the other members
of the family. Especially, in Indian context the husbands feel the employment of women as a
threat to their traditional role of headship or breadwinner. Moreover, the child care remains a
question and creates a sense of guilt with in the women themselves. Their continuous work
makes them physically and mentally weak leading them into a state of stress and anxiety.
Though there are changes in the attitudes towards the employment of women, mostly these
problems lead to broken relationship between the members of the family.

Pastoral Care and Counseling

10
Letha Dawson Scanzoni and John Scanzoni, Men, Women, and Change (New York: Mcgraw-Hill Book Company,
1988), 295.
11
Letha Dawson Scanzoni and John Scanzoni, Men, Women, and Change (New York: Mcgraw-Hill Book Company,
1988), 295.
12
Salim Sharif, “Family Life Education and Counselling: an Indian Perspective,” Masamba ma Mpolo and Cecile
De Sweemer (Ed), Families in Transition: The Case for Counselling in Context, (Geneva: WCC publications, 1987),
78.
4
 “Pastoral counseling is a valuable instrument by which the Church stays relevant to
human need. It is a way of translating the good news into the language of relationship ”13 Since a
pastor plays the role of shepherd in his/her congregation he/she has to involve in the family
matters of the congregation members if it is needed. In a family with above analyzed issues a
pastor has to play as a counselor in order to make the situation fine. Since the issue is about the
role relationships, the pastor has to help them in developing the depth relationships. Counseling
can help healing the areas of anxiety, guilt, and lack of integrity. 14 The pastor as a counselor
meets the family to bring order from chaos with a systematic approach to family change. The
counselor also communicates the healing words of God upon the minds of the family members
and he/she believes that the rest of the work will be done by the Holy Spirit alone. 15 However,
complete dependent on God with out taking necessary steps doesn’t work well. In a situation, a
family gets affected by the gender roles and relationship family therapy approach could be useful
to solve the problem. It needs a complete involvement of the pastoral counselor as well as the
couple of the family members.

Family Therapy Approach

Many therapists find family therapy as one of the best possible solution to cure the family
pains. Jason Arson has written a book review on Jim Lantz’ Existential Family Therapy: Using
Concepts of Viktor Frankl. This book brings out about the needed awareness of finding the
meaning of life. It also suggests that the ‘family is the best place for finding out the meaning.’ 16
This book suggests that the family is the best hope for discovering, creating and experiencing.
Jim Lantz in this book uses three activities called network intervention, existential reflection and
social skills training to treat the family and sees therapist’ task as being job finder, advocate,
broker, linker and activist.17

In the context of gender issues, marriage and family therapy is found useful in the healing
ministry. When the therapist or the pastor has to face such situation he/she has to keenly listen
the problem and then enter in to their life. The most important step the counselor has to take is to
13
Howard J. Clinebell Jr, Basic Types of Pastoral Counseling (Nashville: Abington Press, 1966), 14.
14
Howard J. Clinebell Jr, Basic Types of Pastoral Counseling (Nashville: Abington Press, 1966), 14.
15
Douglas A. Anderson, New Approaches to Family Pastoral Care (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1980), 69.
16
A book review by Jason Aronson on Jim Lantz’ Existential Family Therapy: Using Concepts of Viktor Frankl,
published in Journal of Pastoral Care, Vol 49, 1995, 116-117.
17
Ibid.
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first understand then to empathize. Then there is a need to go beyond empathizing and to
empower the client, couple or the family with the Biblical justice. 18 In dealing with the gender
issues a great knowledge of awareness id needed for the Pastor counselor. Women, who have
been facing discriminations even from their childhood, will find it difficult to change themselves
or their situations or others. The therapist should pay special attention to understand and to deal
with them.19

Family Therapy in Groups

Family is a social organism. What ever affects one part of this organism will affect the
remaining parts too.20 It has a unique psychology. Thus, if the relationship between the family
members got disturbed the whole family should be treated. The family therapy in group aims to
reduce mutual frustration. It also would positive signs in the family interaction. Clinebell finds
some important steps in this aspect. First to arrange an intrafamilial communication, this would
make each others understanding better. Awareness about each individual’s role and their
essential interdependence should be created. This would promote meaningful communication
and constructive behaviour in the family.21 Clinebell also finds the Transactional Analysis of Eric
Berne useful in treating the family as a group.

Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Eric Berne is one of the important psychiatrists from California. He has developed a
special system for understanding and improving the interpersonal relationship in the field of
psychotherapy, especially in the area of marriage. He has two major sections – one is structural
analysis and the other is transactional analysis. 22 Transactional analysis method is a ‘rational,
indigenous approach derived from the group situation itself.’ 23 In this approach Eric Berne
presents three ego stages, named Parent ego, Adult ego and Child ego. During the process of
counseling he uses three important terms Pastimes, Games and Scripts. Pastime is a transaction
without ulterior motive. Games are very important and about psychological intimacy. It
18
Diane Marshall, “Seeking Gender Reconciliation in Family Therapy”, Journal of Psychology and Christianity,
Vol 14, 1995, 5-12.
19
Ibid.
20
Howard J Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Counselling (Nashville: Abington Press, 1966), 121.
21
Ibid., 124.
22
Ibid., 130.
23
Eric Berne, Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy (London: Evergreen Books ltd, 1961), 165.
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continues even from one’s childhood. More complex groups of transactions are called scripts.
The process of counseling makes transaction between the ego stages. Child ego stage is activated
by the parent ego stage. If the transaction happens between the same ego stages the transaction
goes smoothly. When ego state differs the crossed transaction happens. These types of
transaction are prominent in marriage life. This could be the reason for the misunderstandings in
marriage and work situations. During the time of crossed transactions there comes a Parent Child
transaction. Here, the counselor involve and bring back to adult level. Thus, the transaction
between two members of the family would help the whole family.24

Role of the Pastor

In a parish the pastor as a counselor has a major role to play. He/she has to be supportive
to the family with the aim of improving the relationship. The action should be client centered.
Taking the current situation in consideration the pastor has to move forward with new plans for
the future.25 He/she also has to emphasis the Christian mutuality and sharing of power in the
context of gender issues. A solid base on the creation theology of equally created human beings
in God’s image should be established. He/she has to help the family in sorting out a genuine
mutuality and in the distribution of household duties including child care. Every thing should
move towards the ‘reconcile of all things’ (Col 1:20). 26

Conclusion

Women employment is a necessary aspect in the family as well as in the social life. It
empowers women and gives them courage and confident in their livelihood. However, there are
problems related to this, since the traditional societal understanding differs. It leads to breaking
of relationships and unhappy situations in the family. In this situation the pastor has a major role
to play. Hence, the family therapy methods, especially Eric Berne’s Transactional analysis would
be useful for treating these issues. The pastor as a counselor has to solve the brokenness by
transforming the relationships with possible new meanings.

24
Ibid.,90-96.
25
Howard J Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Counselling (Nashville: Abington Press, 1966), 27.
26
Diane Marshall, “Seeking Gender Reconciliation in Family Therapy”, Journal of Psychology and Christianity,
Vol 14, 1995, 5-12.

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 BIBLIOGRAPHY

 Anderson, Douglas A. New Approaches to Family Pastoral Care. Philadelphia: Fortress

Press, 1980.
 Augustine, John S. The Indian Family in Transition. New Delhi: Vikas Publishing House
Pvt Ltd, 1982.
 Berne, Eric. Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. London: Evergreen Books ltd,
1961.
 Clinebell, Howard J. Basic Types of Pastoral Counseling. Nashville: Abington Press,
1966.
 Heredia, Rudolf C. and Edward Mathias (Ed), The Family in a Changing World. New
Delhi: Indian Social Institute, 1995.
 Mpolo, Masamba ma and Cecile De Sweemer (Ed), Families in Transition: The Case for
Counselling in Context. Geneva: WCC publications, 1987.
 Ratra, Amiteshwar. Working and Non-Working women. New Delhi: Mittal Publications,
2006.
 Scanzoni, Letha Dawson and John Scanzoni, Men, Women, and Change. New York:
Mcgraw-Hill Book Company, 1988.
 Wall, John, Don Broening, William J. Doherty and Stephen post (Ed), Marriage, Health,
and the Professions. Michigan: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2002.
 Aronson, Jason. book review on Jim Lantz’ Existential Family Therapy: Using Concepts
of Viktor Frankl, published in Journal of Pastoral Care, Vol 49, 1995, 116-117.
 Marshall, Diane. “Seeking Gender Reconciliation in Family Therapy”, Journal of
Psychology and Christianity, Vol 14, 1995, 5-12.