CHARACTERS

Princess
Prince
King
Nurse
Valet Scene One
Dragon The Palace Interior

SETTING (Music. All enter and begin to dance, forming patterns

and weaving in and around each other. They freeze in
The play takes place in both the intctior and exLe1ior of a castle and in tableau. The music continues to underscore STORY-
the dragon's lair on the outskirts of town. ' TELLER.)
STORYTELLER. Once, long ago, the skies were filled with
dragons. Huge, scaly, fire-breathing beasts with wings
like bats' wings, but a hundred times bigger. And
they had a taste for royal blood. Whenever a princess
turned sixteen, a dragon would swoop into the castle
and carry her off to his lair. Oh, but never fear! While
the sweet, helpless princess wailed and cowered in the
corner, a brave young prince would slay the dragon
and carry her off to his kingdom to be married. Ah,
such a romantic tale!
Well .. .it's romantic for some.
Here in the kingdom of Middlefield, they are all about
to learn an important lesson about dragons. For the
princess is about to turn sixteen. And she is a different
sort of princess.

5
6 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 7

Scene Two NURSE. Absolutely not!

The Princess's Chamber PRINCESS. I heard a wonderful story in the market yester-
day about a mermaid who fell in love with a human
(PRINCESS is on the floor of her chamber, doing push- and she trades her voice to the Sea Witch for legs ...
ups. NURSE enters.)
NURSE. I must insist, your highness, that we ...
NURSE. Are you ready for bed, luv? PRINCESS. Well, how about that delightfu l tale about the
PRINCESS. Ninety-eight ... ninety nine ... one hundred. pea and the hundred mattresses? It's about a princess.
Whew! I just need to brush my hair. NURSE. I have a duty to your father to ...
(NURSE pulls up a chair and sett/,es into it). PRINCESS. Snow v\Thite?
Oh, what a day! My fencing lesson in the morning, NURSE. No.
then a hike up into the mountains. Oh, Nurse, the sky PRINCESS. Red Riding Hood?
was so blue and the air so clean. I could have stayed up NURSE. Sorry.
there forever.
PRINCESS. Goblet of Fire?
NURSE. Yes, I spoke to your father this evening. He was NURSE. Since tl1e beginning of time, the re has been a great
rather put out that you didn't come to the tea party. tradition in royal families from Russia to Wales. Each
PRINCESS. Tea party? Ohl That was today? night, as young princes and princesses turn in for the
NURSE. All the girls in the village were there. night, they are reminded of their duty to their country
PRINCESS. I wondered why the marketplace seemed so and their crown. They are told the story of the dragon
quiet. Not a single giggle. and ...
NURSE. Now, your highness, you need Lo select your maid PRINCESS. ... and how it kidnaps the princess and the
of honor soon. prince comes to rescue her and slays the dragon and
PRINCESS. But I don't like any of the village girls. All they they get married and everyone lives happily ever after.
ever want to do is wear fancy dresses and gossip. I can't I know.
even find one who v\~ll arm wrestle. NURSE. Now you just lay back in that bed. This story has

NURSE. '"'ell, you can't put it off much longer.

been passed down for iliousands of years. It's as old as
PRINCESS. I know.
me stars iliemselves. (begins puppet show)
NURSE. You're almost sixteen. Long, long ago
PRINCESS. I know. When the earili was new
NURSE. Your wedding is coming up very soon. And the fields were green
PRINCESS. I know. And the sky was blue
T he re lived a lovely princess
NURSE. And that reminds me! Bedtime storyl
As beautiful as you
PRINCESS. Oh, no, can't we forget about it just this once?
In a castle near the ocean.
NURSE. It's tradition. I cannot break tradition.
PRINCESS. But you have told me the same story every night
The princess had a mother
for as long as I can remember. I knew it by heart before A selfish, awful queen
I could walk. Please, can't you tell me a different one?
8 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS
THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 9

NURSE. (cont.) Who claimed her daughter's face

NURSE. (cont.) The prince and princess married that very
Was the prettiest 'ere seen.
night and they were never unhappy again. And ever
She boasted to the mermaids since that time, no marriage of a prince and princess
The mermaids all turned green can take place without the slaying of a dragon.
And envy is an evil emotion. Now, was that so terrible?
Their anger woke a dragon (The PRINCESS gi,ves her a look.)
Who slept beside the sea.
'Nell, it won't be just a story for much longer, my sweet.
He vow,e d he'd have this princess, Remember, your sixteenth birthday is next week. Your
The princess tried to flee. father has a prince all picked out for you. H e'll be here
The king cried, ''You can't have her on Saturday. (excitedly) And on Sunday morning, we'll
After all, she's royalty!" tie you to the rock and the dragon will come and bite
So the dragon burned down the city. through those ropes and fly you off to his cave. And
you 'll be trapped in the dark all alone until the Prince
The king and queen, they pleaded comes with h is sword. Then comes the terrible fight
But the monstrous beast said nay. and the Prince will be wounded, but he'll drive his
He 'd stop the slaughter if the girl sword home and the dragon will scream and thrash
Would marry him that day. until it's dead. And the Prince will pull you from the
So they tied her to a rock dark cave and your dress will be torn from the dragon's
To let him carry her away. claws and the Prince will be bloody from the dragon's
And tJ1e village wept with pity. teeth and you will return to the castle in triumph to
be married. Oh! You're just growing up so fast! (She
But at that very moment pinches PRINCESS 's cheek and exits.)
A prince was riding by
PRINCFSS. I'll be tied to a rock, then stuck in a dark cave,
A muscled youth with hair of gold no sword, no dagger, completely helpless. I don't see
Eyes bluer than the sky. why I have to wait for a prince to save me, when I'm
He saw the helpless maiden certainly capable of slaying the dragon myself. l fence
Who was shivering and cry- better than any man in the kingdom; it's just silly to
Ing and swore that he would assist her. not let me try. I'll speak to Daddy in the morning.
He'll let me fight the dragon. He just has tol
The dragon swooped in roaring
And scales and daggers clashed
The blood was flowing freely
The queen and mermaids all got splashed
Our h ero slew the dragon
Through the maiden's ropes he slashed
She was gorgeous, how could he resist her?
JO
THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 11

Scene Three beast fifty feet in length with iron scales and teeth
The Garden as sharp as knives. It swooped down, plucked your
mother from the stone and flew off to its cave. (fondly)
(PRINCESS and KING enter the garden arm in arm. I can still hear your dear mother screaming in terror.
PRINCESS is carrying a basket offlowers. They sit.) Well, I followed the dreadful beast back to its lair and
KING. Such a lovely day. Seemed a shame to spend it I fought. (acts this out) I parried; I th rusted; I advanced
cooped up in the castle signing proclamaLions. I'm until it had nowhere to go. Then I raised my sword
glad you Lalked me imo taking a walk. and ...
PRINCESS. Thanks for walking with me. It is beautiful out PRINCESS. v\'here was Mother all this time?
here. KING. In the cave, of course, crying and wailing.
And it gives me a chance to talk to you. After next
KING. PRINCESS. But don't you see, Daddy, I don't want to just
week, I won't be seeing much of you anymore. cry and wail and wait to be rescued. I want to do the
PRINCESS. I know. I wanted to talk about that, too. rescuing myself.
[Link] Lhink, you 'll be a queen in a brand new castle. KING. Since t11e beginning of time Princes have been rescu-
The construction is almost done. ing Princesses from dragons, and Princes will continue
PRINCESS. Yes, I. .. to rescue Princesses from dragons until there arc no
KIN~. Supervised it myself. Thiny-two bedrooms, alligators dragons left in the world. And on Sunday, you will
m the moat, two-car garage ... become part of that grand tradition. And I don't want
to hear another word about ill (exits)
PRINCESS. Yes, I've seen it; it's lovely...
PRINCESS. I will fight iliat dragon. If I can't have a sword,
KING. And j ust wait 'til you see your husband.
I'll wrestle it with my bare hands. Tradition, indeed!
PRINCESS. He's only my husband if he slays the dragon.
KING: Nonsense! Of course he'll slay the dragon. It's tradi-
non.
PRINCESS. (interrupts him) But, Daddy, don't you think it's
rather a silly tradiLion? You know I fence better than
any of Lhe boys in Middlefield. Couldn'L we tie up the
pnnce for the dragon to carry off - and then I could
go and kill the dragon and rescue Lhe Prince?
KING. The very idea! The Princess rescue the P1ince? I real-
ize you're handy with a sword, my dea1~ but surely...
PRINCESS. But think, Daddy. Wouldn't I be much safer with
a sword in my hand? That way, if something terrible
happens to the prince, I'll still be able to ...
KING. Now listen my daughter. (pulls puppets from his cloak)
The day your mother turned sixteen, her father tied
her Lo a rock. At dawn, the dragon came - a fierce
12 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 13
THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

Scene Four VALET. But I found all of these books for you. Surely there
The Palace is something in there that will help.
PRINCE. I've read them all twice already. 101 Ways to Slay
(PRINCE and VALET enter, consulting a map. PRINCE a Dragon, The Art of Slaying a Dragon, Dragonslaying For
is carrying a stack of books. He is thin and pale, with a Dummies.. .They won't do any good!
studious manner.)
VALET. v\That's this one?
VALET. Well, your highness, according to the map, this PRINCE. (embarrassed) Men Who Slay Dragons and the Women
should be the right castle. V\!ho Love Them.
PRINCE. That's what you said three castles ago. Why should VALET. You can do this! You'll slay that dragon and you and
I believe you this time? the Princess will live happily ever after. I'm going to
VALET. Well, sir, this time I'm not holding the map upside get the bags. (exits)
down.
NURSE. (enters) Oh, excuse me, I didn't realize that anyone
PRINCE. Oh, give me that. (He looks it over.) , ,veil, it looks as was in here, !...Wait! You wouldn't happen to be the ...
though this is the place. Oh, I can't go through with are you the ... by any chance, would you be the ...
this! The Princess's beauty is known throughout the PRINCE. The p rince?
country. What if she doesn't like m e? vVhat if she takes NURSE. You are the Prince! (screams) He's here! The Prince
one look at me and tells me to get right back in my is here! (to the PRINCE)jusL wait till I tell the King!
motor car and go home? What if... ?
(screams) The Prince is here! (to the PRINCE) The Prince
VALET. Si1~ maybe you should sit down. is here! (quieter) Oh, but I guess you know that, seeing
(The PRINCE sits. The VALET gives him a paper bag, as you're the ... (runs offstage screaming) The Prince is
which he breathes into.) here!!!
Of course she'll like you. vVhat's not to like? You've VALET. (enters with suitcases) I heard screaming. Is everything
studied mathematics, philosophy, astronomy; you paint all right?
like Michelangelo and write poetry like Shakespeare. PRINCE. I j ust met a charming lady. I believe she's going to
You're handsome, you drive a nice car, you have excel- fetch the others.
lent table manners ... VALET. Splendid. Did she say how long th at would take?
PRINCE. But I can't slay a dragon! And tl1at's the only thing PRINCE. Not long, I imagine. Her voice seems to carry
that matters. Oh, they should have picked Prince pretty far.
Brian the Burly. KING. (enters) Ah, the Prince! It's so good to meet you, son.
VALET. Prince Brian has the brain of an apricot. PRINCE. The pleasure is all mine, Your Highness.
PRINCE. But the muscles of a ... of a .... KING. Oh, fiddlesticks! Call me Dad! Oh, you can't imagine
(He loolu to the VALET for help. VALET shrugs.) how excited I am.
VALET. I got nothing. PRINCE. Oh, I think I can try.

PRINCE. Oh, I'm so nervous! I can 't do this; I'm going KING. My daughter is on her way. I'll go hurry her along.
home . (exits)
PRINCE. (to VALET) I can't do this! I'm feeling a little sick.
14 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 15

VALET. You'll be fine. PRINCESS. Ile's rather a pale-looking prince, don't you
PRINCE. I don't think I'm going to make it. think?
KING. (enters) Here she is. Sweetheart, come in here. May I NURSE. Prince? Oh, yes, the Prince. Can't say as I noticed.
present my daughter, the Princess of Middlefield. That Valet was strapping, though, wasn't he?
PRINCESS. (enters with NURSE) Your Highness, it's very nice PRINCESS. Nurse, I n eed your help. I must speak to the
to meet you; we have so much to talk about. Shall we ... Prince tonight.
my goodness, are you all right? NURSE. Tonight? Don·t you think there'll be time enough
PRINCE. I...I ... oh dear! (He runs offstage.) for chatting once you' re married?
KING. Where is he going? PRINCESS. We'll never get married if he can't slay the
PRINCESS. Was it something I said? dragon. He needs my help.
VALET. A little motion sickness ... nothing serious ... I'll NURSE. Well, what arc you standing around for? Let's go
go check ... make sure he 's all right ... (He bumps into find tl1e Prince!
NURSE .) Well, hello there.
NURSE. Hello. Haven 't seen you here before.
[Link] arrived. I'm witJ1 the Prince. Do you live here
in the palace?
[Link] up the stairs, third door from the ... well, not
that you can come up there ... ladies section of the
castle, you know. ..
VALET. Oh, yes ... of course ... wouldn't dream of it. .. and you
are ... ?
NURSE. Nurse. And you are ...
VALET. Valet.
NURSE. Oh.
(PRINCE is heard retching loudly ojfstage.)
VALET. (simultaneously) l should go ...
NURSE. (simultaneously) You should go ...
VALET. I'll see you .. . (He runs offstage.)
PRINCESS. What was that?
KING. Motion sickness can be a terrible thing. I remember
my first trip in a motor car; the chauffer was cleaning
the backseat for weeks. I'll stop by the kitchen and
have Cook send down a cup of tea. That'll do t11e trick.
(exits)
 17
THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS
16 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

don't you write a letter

NURSE. (mouth full) 0 ooo I WhY
Scene Five
The Palace instead?
PRINCESS. A suicide letter?
(PRINCE and VALET enter: ) NURSE. No, luv, a letter to the Prince. Write hi_m~ lette~·,
PRINCE. I am so embarrassed!
!
say you must meet with ~im tonight. can give it_to his
Valet, explain the situanon and you 11 be speaking to
VALET. Really, Your Highness, it wasn't so bad. They hardly
the Prince by midnight.
noticed.
PRINCESS. Midnight? It's only 6:00.
PRINCE. Hardly noticed? Hardly noticed?! It's all over - I'm
NURSE. Well, the Valet might need some convincing.
going home. Gel my bags.
PRINCESS. All right. Back to my chamber! (They exit. )
VALET. Now don'L be hasty. I'm sure of you just talk to the
princess, everything will be fine.
PRINCE. (directly into theVALET'sface) Do you really think so?
VALET. (overcome by the PRINCE 's horrible breath) Absolutely.
But not until we do something abouL your breath.
PRINCE. Oh no! Is it that bad?
PRINCESS. (offstage) Oh, prince? Are you in there? I must
speak to you.
VALET. It's that bad. Run!

(Pantomime - the PRINCESS and NURSE chase the

PRINCE and VALET through the castle. Each time the
PRINCESS comes upon them, the PRINCE hides and the
VALET points them in a different direction. Each time, as
the PRINCESS and NURSE leave, the VALET presents the
NURSE with a gift - a jlowe1; a small box of chocolates,
a fruit basket. By the end of the chase, the PRINCESS is
exhausted and the NURSE has her arms full of presents.
The PRINCESS has not noticed the budding romance
between the Nurse and Valet.)
PRINCESS. That does it! I'll never talk to him at this rate.
NURSE. Don't give up hope, dear, we still haven't looked in
the coat closet on the fourth floor.
PRINCESS. No, it's useless! By this time tomorrow, I'll have
been eaten by a dragon. If you need me, I'll be in my
chamber, writing my will.
NURSE. Chocolate?
PRINCESS. No thank you. (double take)
18 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 19
THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

Scene Six Scene Seven

The Palace The Garden

(The PRINCE is sitting in his chamber, reading one ofhis (PRINCESS is standing alone in the garden. PRINCE
self-help books, chewing on an enormous sprig of mint enlers, holding the note and a rose.)
and parsley. The VALET rushes in out of breath with his PIUNCE. The re she is. Oh, sh e's so beautiful. \l\'hat can I
hair mussed and lipstick hisses covering his face.) say? "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" No,
VALET. I have a note for you, sir. From the Princess. that's silly. "How do I love thee? Let me count the
PRINCE. Tl'le P1incess? Where did you get this? ways." Oh, that won't work. I'll just be myself. I'll go
right up to her and tell her how wonderful I think she
VALET._ From her Nurse. The Princess has a plan, and I
is. I'll just walk over there and tap her on the shoulder
thmk you should meet her to discuss it.
and present her with this flower.
PRINCE. (reads the note) Sh e wants to meet at m idnight? But
it's nearly midnight now. Where have you been all this (He tiptoes over to her and lightly taps her shoulder. She
time? mistakes him for an intruder and immediately flips him
VALET. Apparently, I needed some convincing. onto his back.)
PRINCE. Well, help me on with my coat. l'RINCESS. Hi-ya! (realizes what she's done) Oh no! I'm so
VALET. (helps him) She'll be in the garden. Go! Go! sorry! Are you all right?
l'lUNCE. (still on the ground) Oh, yes. I'm fine.
(The PRINCE exits. The VALET watches him go, waits
PRINCESS. I thought you might be an intruder. Oh, I'm so
for a moment, then smoothes his hair and runs off to
meet the NURSE.) sorry. Are you sure I didn't hurt you?
PRINCE. No really, I'm quite all right.
PIUNCESS. Would you like some help getting up?
PlUNCE. No, thank you. The stars are lovely this time of
night; I think I'll just gaze at them a little longer.
PRINCESS. May 1 join you?
PlUNCE. Of course. Make yourself comfortable.
(PRINCESS lies clown on the ground next to PRINCE.
Thly look at the stars for a moment. PRINCE begins to
laugh)
PRINCESS. v\That are you laughing a t?
PRINCE. Myself. I Lhought I'd be so romantic, taking you by
surprise . I rather thought I'd sweep you off your feet.
(She laughs ancl helps him up to a seated position. He
lliughs with her.)
20 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 21

PRINCESS. My goodness, the stars are beautiful. Shall we sit PRIN CE. The King was told that the only way to save his
here for a while? kingdom was to sacrifice Andromeda to the sea mon-
PRINCE. By all means. st [Link] he chained her to a rock near the sea and left
(They sit and look up at the stars. The VALET and her there.
NURSE emerge from behind a bush, thinking the coast PRINCESS. (loohs at him) Are you making this u p? You are,
is clear. They see the PRINCE and PRINCESS and run aren't you?
offstage.) PIUNCE. Not a bit. vVhy?

PRINCE. Andromeda is bright tonight. PRINCESS. It's just sounding a little familiar.

PRINCESS'. Where is it? l'RINCE. Do you want to hear the rest?

PRINCE. Right up there. No, a little to your left. That's it. PlUNCESS. Yes, please.
PRINCESS. It's beautiful. PRINCE. So Andromeda was chain ed to the rock, crying,
and along came Perseus.
PRINCE. Funny, Andromeda being so bright the night
before we face our dragon. PRINCESS. Perseus?
PRINCESS. What do you mean? PRINCE. The hero.

PRINCE. Don't you know the story of Andromeda? PRINCESS. Of course.

PRINCE. He took one look at the beautiful Andromeda and
PRINCESS. The stars have stories?
fell in love with her. She told him all about the mon-
PRINCE. Wonderful stories. With action and adventu re and
ster and Perseus leaped into action.
romance ...
PRINCESS. Did he slay the beast?
PRINCESS. Does Andromeda have action and adventure
and romance? PRINCE. With one stroke of his sword. The King and Queen
were so grateful to him for saving their daughter and
PRINCE. With swords, and a battle and true love ...
their kingdom, they gave him An dromeda's hand in
PRINCESS. Oh, please tell me!
marriage.
PRIN~E. I think you'll find it most entertaining. Long ago, PRINCESS. And they lived happily ever after?
King Cepheus and Queen Cassiopeia had a beautiful
PRINCE. That's what the story says.
daughter named Andromeda. The Queen was a vain
PRINCESS. I guess my Nurse was right when she told me it
an d boastful woman who claimed that she and her
was as old as the stars themselves. (They smile.) You tell
daughter were more beautiful even than the water
it wonderfully. Do you know any other stories of the
nymphs, who were considered to be the loveliest crea-
tures on earth. The nymphs heard about her boasts stars?
and grew very angry. They called on Poseidon, the PRINCE. (smiling) I know the stories of all the constellations.
God of the Seas, to punish her. PRINCESS. Would you teach them to me sometime?
PRINCESS. My goodness! Did he? PRINCE. Of course. And would you ... could you .. .I' m a
PRINCE. Oh yes. Poseidon sent a horrible sea monster to little embarrassed to ask but. ..will you teach me how
d estroy their kingdom. to wrestle?
PRINCESS. What did they do? PRINCESS. I would love to! You plant your feet and use your
opponent's weight against him ...
 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 23
22 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

(She goes to throw the PRINCE again.) Scene Eight

A Rock Outside the Palace
PRINCE. Oh! I didn't mean right this minute. There will be
plenty of Lime to learn when we're married. (The KING enters wilh rojJe.)
PRINCESS. But, you know, we have to get past the dragon
KING. My goodness, it's already first light. Where is she?
first.
The dragon won't wait forever.
PRINCE. Yes. The dragon. I've been reading up on this, and
Prince Milo, the Mild-Mannered had a technique I'd (The PRINCE enters, carrying two swords.)
like to try .. . PRINCE. Oh! I didn't realize you would be .. .I mean ... 1
PRINCESS. Vou are the smartest prince I've ever m et, but thought the Princess ...
I'm afraid books won't help us against a dragon. IUNG. Not here yet. Fixing her hair, no doubt, or perhaps
PRINCE. I was afraid of that. lifting weights.
PRINCESS. I have an idea. Tomorrow morning, after Father l'lllNCE. She is a remarkable girl.
ties me to the rock, everyone will scurry home and put KING. Yes, she is. When her mother died, I'm afraid I didn't
up the shutters until I've been rescued and the dragon quite know how to raise a daughter. She's a bit ... well,
has been slain. she's not a typical girl.
PRINCE. What is your idea? l'ltlNCE. She's perfect.
PRINCESS. Come out to the rock as soon as everyone has KING. Yes, well. .. So are you all ready for the battle? Big clay
gone home. Bring my sword with you and cut me free. ahead of you and all.
Then we can fight the dragon together. (She holds out PRINCE. Yes, I think so.
her hand.) KING. I see you've brought two swords. Unusual technique
PRINCE. (takes her hand) That is the most wonderful idea I but used with great success by Prince Ambrose the
have ever heard. I'll do it. Arn biclextrous.
PRINCESS. I like you. After we slay the dragon, I'm looking 1•1UNCE. Well I like to be prepared.
forward to hearing more stories. KING. Let me see one of those. (He takes a sword.) It's been
PRINCE. After we slay the dragon, we'll have a lifetime of a long time since I've held one of these.
stories.
(He takes a couple of swings, the PRINCE ducks.)
feels good to have a strong bit of steel in my hand
again. Ah, I remember when I went off to fight my
dragon. Massive beast, one hundred feet from teeth to
tail. I parried ...
(He parries, the PRINCE blocks his swing with great fear
and just in time.)
I thrusted ...
(Again, the PRINCE panicking by this time. Th~ KING
begins to fight as he describes the action, backing the
 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 25
24 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

PRINCE in a circle and across the stage. The PRINCE is lrn1 have no fear. This prince is a good egg. Very
desperately bloching each blow.) l>righL, I hear. Speaks six languages ...

KING. (cont.) Such a fight it was! We circled the cave, the l'IUNCESS. Seven.
dragon blocking me at every turn. I stabbed his th roat, KI NG. Knows all about astrology ...
I slashed his chest, but to no avail. It was the largest l'IUNCESS. Astronomy.
dragon ever recorded, and the strongest, too. Then, NU RSE. Not to mention his excellent taste in servants.
just when it was looking bleak for me, I gave a mighty (They look at her - she smooths her skirt.)
swing, the dragon roared ...
. Wl-11 b e
KI NG . Everythmg fi ne. "' . e • v\lhv;, I remember
1ou'11 se . .
(In dfull panic by this time, the PRINCE yells in fear at when I slew my dragon. (pulls out puppets again, gives
the top of his lungs and begins to wildly slash his sword, one to the NURSE) It seems like only yesterday. _A ~on-
accidentally, and luchily, disarming the KING. He begins ster, he was, one hundred feet in length, wllh n?n
to hyperventilate.)
scales and razor sharp claws. He came toward me with
Well done, my boy, well done! T he shouting is a nice his teeth bared, ready to strike. I took out my sword; I
touch . ..puts some fear into the enemy. parried . . .I thrusted ...
PRINCE. Yes, well, there's nothing like a little fear . .. (contin- (PRINCE enters. PRINCESS shoos him away. He exits.)
ues to pant heavily)
l'lUNCESS. I'm sure you' re right, Daddy. (lo~dly, so the
NURSE. (offstage) Move along, luv, the rock is just around
PRINCE can hear) And thank you, for selectmg such a
this bend.
kind, intelligent, understanding Prince. I li_ke him very
KING. Ah, it's my daughter! You'd better move along son, much and I'm certain he will conduct himself most
it's bad luck to see the bride before the slaughter. gallantly today.
(hands him the extra sword)
KING. O h, well, I have only your best interests at heart, my
PRINCE. Of course. I'll be righ t over there behind those sweet. Now, let's get you tied up!
trees. Waiting for the screaming. (exits)
(They begin to tie her to the rope.)
(NURSE and PRINCESS enter. NURSE is looking very
tired.) NURSE. Is this too tight, luv?
PRINCESS. No, it's just fine, thank you.
KING. Daughter, dear, please hurry it along. We mustn 't
1 YOu be fore the
NURSE. 'vVe wouldn't want to strange
keep the dragon waiting.
dragon gets a crack at it!
NURSE. Yes, please, let's do this quickly. I barely slept at all
last night. (PRINCESS looks at her.) All the excitement. PRINCESS. I appreciate that.
Gives me heartburn. KING. Well, it seems plenty secure. (tugs at the rope) I guess

PRINCESS. All right. If it's my duty to be dragon food, I we'll head back to the castle.
might as well get it over with . Do you think he'll swal- NURSE. You take care of yourself, luv.
low me whole, or will I be marinated with herbs and a KING. Don't forget to wail and cry. Tradition, you know.
dry sherry? PRINCESS. I'll try to remember. Don't worry. I'll be home
KING. Oh, don't be so dramatic. I've never seen a prince before you even notice I'm gone.
fail. Of course, I've never seen a prince vomit, either,
26 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 27
THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

{KING and NURSE exit, calling goodbyes. PRINCE begins l'IU NC:K I rn 11 '1 imagine he keeps a calendar.
to enter, NURSE runs back in with sweater, PRINCE runs l'lll NC:K'iS. I snppose we'll have to go and find him.
off)
l'ltlNCK no you know where to look?
NURSE. In case it gets cold in the cave. l'IU NCESS. I haven't the faintest idea.
(She tries to put the sweater on PRINCESS, but can't get ( /'hey look around on the ground and in the air. T he
it around the ropes. She leaves it apologetically on the PRINCE notices something. )
rock and exits.)
i•IUNC:E. Look at this! Tracks'. Look, that's where he's
PRINCE. Is _everyone gone? dragged his brass tail and planted his steel claws.
[Link]. Untie me quickly - the dragon will be here PRINCESS. Let's go get him!
any minute.
(Sit!! starts offstage. He pulls out paper bag and begins
PRINCE. (untying her) I brought your sword. Here.
lnmthing into it. She returns)
PRINCESS. Than k you. (She takes the sword.) Now all we have
to do is wait for the dragon. Wl1at are you waiting for?
l'[Link] ·
give m e a mmute. I' m ~II riaht
o . now
. · We, are
.
[Link]. Does he come along fairly quickly?
1ogcther, and that makes everythmg all nght. ~et s get
PRINCESS. Oh, yes. Get your sword ready.
in my motor car and follow the aacks up the h1ll.
(They wait with their ~words poised. Nothing happens.)
( He takes her hand and they exit.)
PRINCE. You're
sure he knows that this is the day.
PRINCESS. Of course. Dragons have a sixth sense about
these things. They always know when it's the sixteenth
birthday of a princess.
PRINCE. Is that it? (They raise their swords.)
PRINCESS. No,just a bird.

(They wait. PRINCE sees something and starts swinging

his sword wildly, ending by banging it repeatedly against
the rock. PRINCESS stares at him.)
PRINCE. Dragonfly.
PRINCESS. Ah. Did you ... ?
PRINCE. It's dead.
PRINCESS. Well done.

(They sit on the rock and wait some more.)

PRINCE. I don't think the dragon is coming.
PRINCESS. I think you might be right. He could have gotten
his days m ixed up.
28 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 29

Scene Nine 111tA( :ON. Yo11 could travel to the ends of the earth - you
Outside the Dragon's Cave Mt ill wo n ' t find a nother dragon. I'm the only one left.

l' IUNCE. The only one?

(PRINCE and PRINCESS enter.)
l'HINCESS. 111 Lhe world?
PRINCE. Do you Lhink he 's in there? 1►1tAC:ON. Uram offstage) Yes! I'm the only living dragon left
PRINCESS. I don 't know. Should we call him? i11 the world, and I'd like to stay living. So go away and
PRINCE. I suppose. Should we draw our swords? k ;tve me alone! (There is rattling and creaking.)
PRINCESS. ,Absolutely. (They draw their swords) I'm going to 1•1u NCE. Imagine! The last of the dragons.
call him. Dragon! 1•1u NCESS. l had no idea.
PRINCE. What ho! Dragon! 1•1U NCE. Well, we can't kill it. It's the last one.

(There is a creaking and rattling sound from inside the 1•1t1 NC:ESS. But we can't just go home without a dragon.
cave. The PRINCE and PRINCESS looh at each other and 1•1t1NCE. That's it! We'll go home with a dragonl We 'll tame
take hands.) it!
PRINCESS. Dragon! I say - Dragon! Do come out and talk l'IUNCESS. v\lhat a wonderful ideal How do you tame a
Lo us. We've brought you a present! dragon?
PRINCE. I have no idea. I don't believe anyone's ever writ-
DRAGON. (from offstage) Oh yes - I know your p resents! One
of Lhose precious princesses, I suppose? And I've got Lo 1<·11 abook on the subject.
c,ome out ~nd fight for her. Well, I'll tell you straighL, PRINCESS. They say animals can be tamed by kindness, but
I m not gomg to do it. pe rhaps that's just domestic animals, like dogs and
PRINCE. Not going to do it? crocodiles. I don't know if it would work with dragons.
PRINCESS. But why? It's .. .it's ... well, it's tradition. 1•1t1NCE. I suppose anyth ing is worth a try. Taming by kind-
ness means giving him things to eat. Have you got
DRAG?:"· (from offstage) Tradition! I'll tell you about this tra- anything to eat?
d1t10~ ! For :enturies I've watched dragons get killed
by ~nnces. I ve stayed out of it all these years, and I'm l'IUNCESS. Nol a thing. Have you?
staymg out of it now. l'lUNCE. Oh! I have some b iscuits in the car. Breakfast was
PRINCE. (to PRINCESS) Well, as much as I don't want to, we
so early, and I thought we might be feeling a little faint
have to fight a dragon or they won't let us get married. after the fight. I'll go get tl1em. (He exits.)
And I really would like to marry you. PRINCESS. H e is indeed the most clever Prince I've ever
PRINCESS. I'd like that, too. Do you suppose he knows of
met. I'm so glad Daddy picked him and not Prince
another dragon in the area? Brian. Of course, Prince Brian is strong, but h e has the
brains of an apricot.
PRINCE. We can ask. Dragon! Would you know wh ere we
could find, maybe, anolher dragon? PRINCE. (enters) Here they are.
DRAGON. There aren't any. PRINCESS. Dragon! Do you like biscuits?

PRINCESS. It doesn't have to be close by. We have a motor DRAGON. (offstage) Nol
car - we can travel a good distance. PRINCESS. Not even the nice little expensive ones with
sugar on top?
 TIIE LAST OF THE DRAGONS 31
30 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

DRAGON. (offstage) No! 1•1t lNC:l•,'lS. l It- was11'1 going to cat her?
PRINCESS. Th en what do you like? IIHAC:ON . 1 lt-aw i1's no! Ile was only going to offer her a
DRAGON. (offstage) Nothing! Now go away! 1
tip 11 1 l1':t, 10ast a rcw marshmallows, maybe tell a story
Ii)' tliv Ii i(·. Hut h e had barely arrived home whe n a
PRINCESS. H e must like something. Dragon! Dragon dear!
11111 ~1 1t--lH>1ltHI , sword-wielding hulk of a prince burst
DRAGON. (offstage) ¼1-IAT? Say that again! (clattering and
11110 liis cave aucl killed him on the spot!
banging)
l'ltlN ( :i•~'lS. I low te rrible!
PRINCESS. (The PRINCE grabs her hand.) Dragon - Dragon
l'IU Nt:ti:. 1\, 11 ir you all knew you 'd be slai~ for kid~apping,
dear!
.
(The rattling becomes louder. The PRINCESS starts to
wlt y did yo n continue to take th e princesses from the
HH kr
raise her sword, but the PRINCE stops he,: They back up IIIIAW>N . Drag-ons are a trusting lot. And we're very lonely.
slowly. The dragon emerges frorn the cave spreading her W1· roi ild never understand why you humans_would
wings. She is crying.)
~lw 11 s pl'ii icesses to play with, then bar_~ e 111 and
[Link] goodness, h e's crying. Mlt,ll r lt tli('lll ri ght back. I t hardly seemed fan .
PRINCE. And "he's" a "she." l'ICI NCK'lS. 11 isn ' t fair. It's terrible. On behalf o f royalty
DRAGON. Of course I'm a she ... you didn't th ink there were 1v1·1)'wile re , I'm so sorry.
only boy dragons did you? 1•1t tNCI>:. So yot1 never wanted to eat us? .
PRINCE. Well. .. of course not. I guess I j ust thought that llltA(:ON. 1 w<Hild never eat a h uman. Yuck! So smngy, too
with dragons being such strong fighters and all they 11 1,111y 1>011cs, and the taste ... Ugh!
must be . .. (looks at PRINCESS) Uh ... never mind. l'HINC:l•~'lS. 1•111 glad you won't eat us. But are you sure you
PRINCESS. But Dragon, whatever is the matter? wo n ' 1 have a biscuit?
DRAGON. Nobody ever called me "dear" before! 11uAc:oN. No. l don't care for biscuits.
PRINCESS. Don't cry. We'll call you "dear" as often as you l'HINCESS. What then, dragon dear?
like. We want to tame you. llltA<:ON. Your kindness quite undragons me. No one h as
DRAGON. I am tame - that's just it. T hat's what nobody h as l'Vn asked any of us what we like to eat - always offer-
ever bothered to find ou t. All ofus dragons were tame. iI w us princesses and then rescuing them - and never
n · ' h l h -;,"
PRINCE. All of you? o nce "¼'hat'll you take to drink the Kings ea t .
DRAGON. Of course. We mostly kept to ourselves in our ( :rnd hard, I call it.
caves. Sometimes we'd go out to stretch our wings, l'RINCE. Well, today is a celebration. We're to be married
but we were always careful to fly at night so as not to today, aren 't we Princess? .
frighten anyone. Then one morning long ago, outside l'IUNCESS. Yes, we are. What will you take to drmk our
London, a young dragon was flying home and h e saw health?
a young princess tied to a rock. There was a sign next DRAGON. \1\That'll I take to drink your hcalLh? I'd ~e pr~ud
to h er that read, "For the dragon." Well, h e though t, to drink your and your good lady's heal~1 111 a ~1ttle
that was very kind of the little girl to offer to keep him drop of - to think of you asking me so friendly hke ~
company, so he bit gently through th e ropes and car- · JU
yes, Sil', · St a 1·lttle d 1,op of p... ·p .. ·p · · ·p .. ·petrol. That s
ried her back to his cave. what docs a dragon good, sir.
 T II E LAST OF THE DRAGONS
33
32 THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

PRINCE. Petrol! Why I have barrels of it in the car! Scene Ten

PRINCESS. Barrels? Why so much for such a short trip?
The Palace
PRINCE. Oh, well, you know ... in case I lost my nerve ... I
1t1 Nt:, t lwy slto11lcl have been back by now.
would have needed to go far away ... but I packed them
before I met you, of course. I'll go get them out of the HlllN!o'.. Now 1' 1t1 sure everything is just fine.
car. (exits) \ \I 11,' 1'. Yo,, don ' 1 know the Prince very well.

DRAGON. If I might make so bold, while the gentleman's W IV·II':. Now don'L lose hope. The Prince and Pri:1cess will
away - if you could be so kind as to shake claws with I w lli·n · ,u 1y minute and we can start celebraung.
me - well, the last of the dragons'll be the proudest s,,n·
I\ IN<:, 1•111 you 're righ t. Ah, the air is thick with excite-
dragon there's ever been since the first of them. 1111 , 11 1\ I ltavcn 't fell this alive since the day I set out
1t ·S<' tt l ' 1he Queen. (brings out piippets) V-lhat a_fight
(He holds out his claw. The PRINCESS takes it.) 111
1 , w:,sl /\ dragon two hundred feet in length - 1t ':as
1 1 11
PRINCESS. Dragon, dea1~ may I ask you a question? ilw ,~,rgcsl, meanest dragon we had ever seen - with
DRAGON. Of course, Princess. You may ask m e anything 111111 :-wales and Fiery breath! He scorched through my
you like. ,
111 11111
, bu t I stood my ground. I drew my tsusty sword;
PRINCESS. Oh, dragon, will you come to the castle and live I p,u1i1·d ... l 11lrusted ...
with us forever? It's a beautiful castle, warm and dry, ( J'/11 ,11, iv a nwibling and clattering heard offstage.)
with alligators in the moat and a two-car garage. You
could be our protector and companion, and we will 10 N<:, Wlt:11 i11 1hc world is tl1at?
always call you dear. IJltfllt 11 sm 111 ds as if the whole castle is falling down!
DRAGON. I would be honored to be your friend, and I will \'\I 1,, 1', I'll protect you! (He jumps on top of hm:)
protect you and your children and your children's ( /'111' 11 oi.,·1, [!/lS louder and louder until !he DRAGON
children for the rest of my days. • , • •
1 11 1 11
f\'veryone screams and jumps to [Link].)
IUN<:, th · d ragon !
N I IHHK 'I'll<' d ragon !
\'[Link]:' !', l 'lt<· dragon!
1uN<:, 'l'ltc l>rast has eaten my daughter!
NI ms..:. \,\le ' 11 all be killed!
[Link]'. l'rn1ect me ! (He jumps into her arms. )
( f'/11, l'lUNCE and PRINCESS run in.)

1•1t1 NCK Don 't be afraid!

1•1tt NC:l•~'iS. She's not going to hurt you!
IUNC:. n,11 it 's a dragon. Dragons eat royalty! W~ere ism~
11
wo ,·d? My kingdom for a sword! I'll parry! I 11. .. thrust.
l'lllNCESS. No, Daddy, wait! She's a tame dragon.
34 'I'll E I.A S T OF THE DRAGONS 35
THE LAST OF THE DRAGONS

VALET. A tame dragon? 1 llif,, I lt,11il yrn1. (/11 othrrs) Of course she can stay! My dear
PRINCESS. Yes. I icln, lc·I 1111· po111· you a cup ofwinel
KING. A "She?" 1'1\1 H 1, \c 111,tll y, ~'1!' ' 11 take a barrel of peu·ol.

NURSE. There's no such thing as a tame dragon. 11 N1, ¼1 II, wl 1.11 ,II(' you a ll just standing there for? Get
1111 11 d, ,1gc 111 :i barrel of petrol! (all cheer) Now, I believe
PRINCE. Listen to us! She is the very last dragon in the
world. We couldn't hurt her. we 11,,vc ., 1V<"ddi11g to a u end.
1•11 1Nc 11"1"1 l•,11l11·1, I have chosen a maid of honor.
PRINCESS. She is kind and sweet. All the dragons were kind
and sweet. All they ever wanted was a princess to be a 1 I N C, 1•11 1,tll y. I'll s(' ncl a messenger down to the village.

friend and to tell stories by the fire. I have decided to \\ l111 Ii 1,1i1 I is i1 ?
be her friend. And I've named her Fido. 1•1mH l•"IS, \'1111 do11'1 need to send the messenger. She isn't

DRA?O~. I kn?w it's a bi t of a shock, having a dragon drop 11 11111 11 11 · village. ['ve chosen my very best friend and
m hke this, but Your Highness, I wouldn't ever hurt 11u11p,11tio11. Nurse? Will you be my maid of honor?
your daughter. I'd like to stay and join in the wedding N IIIINI•, ( >Iii 1'1 inccssl I'd be delighted!
celebration. 1' 1\INC 1, ( 111 V/\[Link] ) /\ncl you will be my best man.
PRINCESS. May she stay, Father? \i\l 1 1 Nc,11 11 1114 rn ulcl make me happier. Except for one
KING. (silence for a moment) The very last dragon? il1i11g.
PRINCESS. The very last one. 1•1111111 Wlt .11 \ that?
KING. May I have a word with the dragon? In private? \ \I 1, 1 11 1It is lovely lady would be my bride. (gets on one knee

PRINCESS. Of course. (They move away.) 111 /,rm/ of /Ju, NURSE) Will you marry me?

KING. Tame dragon, eh? N•111 1, <>It I Yes!

DRAGON. All of us. 1111,\1 lON. (mi\'/'S her barrel of petrol) To the happy couples!
KING. So how well did you know the other dragons? \I I I II II II' I iappy couples!
DRAGON. I saw them around every now and then. 1•111 H l<'"IS. ( )11, Fido! What a wond erful dragon you are!
KING. There was one, about thirty years ago . . . lived in a / I lll'V jll'l'Z.1' in lab/,eau.)
cave by the sea ... two days journey by horse. When the Prince and P1incess were settled
,-. 11 11tV l'l<'.I .I .ER.
DRAGON. Yes, I remember. Tragic story that was. On his way iti 11 ,!'ir own kingdom, Fido came to them and begged
back from picking up the princess, he flew right into a 1,1 IH' a llowed to make herself useful. So the Prince
mountain. Died on the spot. From what I heard, that I 1,1d a :-.pccial saddle made for h er with one h undred
princess was very lucky. Got through without a scratch. ,111 d lil'ty scats attached to it. And the dragon, whose
We all figured it was because that dragon was such a g 11·at(·s1 p leasure was now to give pleasure to others,
tiny one. Didn't make too much of a crash when he cklightcd in taking parties of children to the sea-
fell. ~i1k. The childre n were very fond of her and called
KING. Yes, well, about that. .. would it be too much trouble 111 , , "dear" - a word that n ever failed to bring tears

to keep that story to yourself? It would mean a great 1o lier eyes. So there she lived out her days - useful,
deal to me. 11·spcctcd, and very, very loved.
DRAGOi:-1. Of course, your Highness. I will never repeat it
agam. The End.